Dr Pam Spurr

The big thrill in having al fresco sex!

The big thrill in having al fresco sex! Q & A

* What's the big thrill in having sex in an unusual place? Do people secretly want to be caught - or does passion just take over?

The thrill lies in the possibility of getting caught and feeling you’re inventive enough to push boundaries. For some couples it’s also about flaunting that they’ve got a hot sex life. Such couples want to be spotted which heightens the excitement. They choose places where they’re more likely to be spotted, e.g., in a public park, in the grounds of a hotel, in their own back garden which is overlooked, a conference room at work, or a beauty spot in hot weather so people are likely to be around. They’ll even have sex outside a night-club or in a dark corner of a club. For some couples there’s an element of going where no one else has dared try. One of the weirdest places I’ve been told about was a couple who had sex in a cemetery!

* Can adventurous sex, such as this, boost your love life - ie, is it a good tactic to use if things are getting a little boring in the bedroom, or will you just encounter the same (or new!) problems somewhere else?

Just talking about adventurous sex can help a couple bond at a more intimate level. As long as neither feels threatened by such talk it shows they both care and want to liven things up. It can also be a good giggle even if they don’t end up having sex in the places they dream up. Because we read about adventurous sex, and as humans we’re naturally competitive it’s become a modern badge of your sexual prowess as a couple to say, ‘Oh we’ve been there and done that!’ 

* Can fantasising about adventurous sex be just as good as the real thing?

A good compromise is fantasising about what sort of al fresco sex you could get up to. Take turns suggesting the twists and turns in the fantasy. It’s exciting for you both to hear where/what the other would suggest. Most people have one adventurous sex story and if they don’t they’ll pretend they’ve tried it! So don’t feel the pressure to actually do something you’re uncomfortable with if a bit of fantasy-chat feels safer and yet still sexy to you.  

* Why the rise in al fresco sex?

What was once seen as daring sex-ploits would now be considered run-of-the-mill. If you haven’t shagged outside then people assume your sex life is one big bore. Practically everyone has one al fresco sex story and if they don’t they’ll pretend they’ve tried it. Because we’re so hung up about having adventurous sex, and one-upmanship, it’s become a modern badge of your sexual prowess to say you’ve done it somewhere daring. 

The thrill is of course all about the possibility of getting caught. But for some it’s also about flaunting what they’re up to. They want to be seen which is part of the excitement. They choose places they’re likely to be spotted – in a park, in their back garden where they know they’re overlooked, the conference room at work, at a beauty spot in good weather so others are likely to be around, outside a night-club or even in the corner of a night-club. There’s also an element of going where no other has been so people will look for the weirdest places to have sex – one of the oddest I’ve been told about was in a cemetery!

My top tips for going al fresco:

If you want a successful al fresco sex experience take along one cushion to pad out any tender body part (e.g. buttocks) that may have to press against, e.g., a stone wall. Bring sun cream for any under-exposed body area that may see the light of day – again, buttocks! A large blanket or beach towel for ‘country loving’ can not only protect you from scratchy grass/foliage but can be whipped around you at the sound of a farmer’s tractor. Don’t just put a car in gear for a front/back seat quickie – ensure it’s switched off!  If you get carried away when you’re not expecting it stop if you don’t have protection with you. Remember it’s against the law to have sex in a public place that is not always that easily definable – so be discreet!