Dr Pam Spurr

A Few Sticky Bedroom Issues!

A Few Sticky Bedroom Issues!

How to clean up afterwards

We all get worried about some of the mess after sex - particularly vigorous sex that can mean there's sex juices everywhere. For some reason we think we have to keep up this pretence that ‘we're so neat and tidy and delicate and clean’. Chill-out - the guys just aren't that concerned! Always have tissues to hand and you can gently wipe yourself, say, while under the sheets. Hand him some for him to use on himself. Or turn it into a bit of an earthy ritual where you ask him to gently clean you up while you do the same to him. He may be ready for a second time ‘round if you lie back, open your legs and let him have a good look while he tidies you up!

Your wrist/jaw hurts -

When you've been giving him a blow job and you start to get "blower’s cramp" you can always pull away and say something like, "with your size I need to give my mouth a little rest!" He’ll take this as a compliment! You can ask him if he wants you to keep stimulating him with your hand and you can continue to thrill him by kissing and licking. Take a sip of any drink you've got to hand to re-moisten your mouth. If you've splurged on bubbly you can take a sip of it then take his penis in your mouth so he can feel the fizz.

The blow-job tug of war  (when he is trying to force your head down but you are really not keen..)

Haven't we all been there on this one where he's so keen to get you down there but you're not quite in the mood. Why not scatter some kisses over his chest and abdomen while you play with his penis with your hand. Add some lubricant and tell him you'd like to give him a really hot hand job. Get playful and tell him that if he's a good boy he’ll get a blow job next time you're together. But fair's fair - if he's already given you oral pleasure you should return the favour. If he hasn't and he simply wants a blow-job and you've tried the other tactic then it's time for little honesty. You can say to him that you’re in the mood for full-on sex tonight and the blow-job will just have to wait. Then tell me about a position you’d love to do with him to get him thinking about this instead.

Fast at Foreplay? Might be okay if some!

Given the choice what do you really want? Wham bam let's get straight to the penetration with an over-eager man. Or some super hot and sensual foreplay that makes you actually want your partner’s attentions. Too many women tell me they can't be bothered with sex because they don't get any foreplay. Their partners think they can switch desire on and off as easily as a battery-operated sex toy - which they can't.

So it sounds like this research hits a halfway house that’s basically satisfactory. The penetration begins like a starting pistol but at least it lasts long enough to contain some foreplay-style caressing and touching.

Penetrative sex on average lasts only a couple minutes so there's some truth in this research finding that longer periods of penetration satisfies women. When a man has the control to last longer the couple quite naturally caress and touch each other in foreplay-style fashion anyway during penetration.

But there's a big difference between having an orgasm that's enjoyable and those who also get the foreplay that's sensuous and heightens desire leading to an even more powerful orgasm!

If you have time for it I always recommend foreplay first because of the positive effects - women feel desirable as well as more intimate with their partner.