Dr Pam Spurr

Some Thoughts on Men and Women and Sex!

Some Thoughts on Men and Women and Sex!

On a psychological level, why do women want men to second guess their sexual desires and needs?

Women like to think that men can second-guess their desires and needs for two main reasons. In the first place they’re optimistic that their man knows them well enough that he can gauge what they're thinking and what they want. Women also feel because they're quite intuitive, that a man is going to use his intuition too when they're having sex. Secondly men might think women are all great communicators, a or at least view themselves as good communicators but many women feel a little hesitant about telling a man what they want. They don't want to come across as a tart and they also don't want to come across as too demanding in bed.

Why do women give men non-verbal sexual signals?

All men and women give non-verbal sexual signals that have evolved over time. Our non-verbal signals are terribly important to communication. Women that are quite self aware will use these signals to try and signal what they want when they don't actually want to ask for some specific sexual behaviour or technique.

What can a man do to better pick up, interpret and respond to these subtle signals?

The best thing a man can do in responding to her subtle signals is that he should always go with his intuition. His intuition will be picking up her sex signs and signals. And they will tell his conscious mind what she's saying. For example, she may signal by moving her pelvis closer to his, that she'd like him to reach his arm around and pull her hips close-in in to his body. Or, say, if she pulls slightly away from him, while making a sensual sound, and it opens up her neck and breasts towards him, then that means she'd like him to nuzzle those areas.

Why are men more interested in the 'grubbier' side of sex?

Men fail to realise that some women have quite "grubby" fantasies, however on the whole men are more prone to grubby thoughts and fantasies. This is because they have fewer sexual inhibitions when it comes to fantasising about all types of sexual scenarios. Let's face it, men will wonder about all sorts and not feel guilty about it whereas many women would feel a bit guilty and ashamed by the dirty thoughts.

Are we as a nation getting more seedy and why?

We’re definitely getting more seedy as a nation because sex is on tap everywhere - particularly the internet where you can see all sorts of things that you didn't even know existed. The more such images are available, and the more freely we talk about the seedier side of things like kinks and fetishes, the more we seek out even seedier images.

What can a man do to become less dependant on seedy sex to gain satisfaction?

Some men become quite dependent on seedy or grubby sex, or sexual fantasies. Just as this becomes a habit for them, they can also break it like breaking a bad habit. The best starting point is to identify where your dependencies lie and then act to stop those. For example, if you going on the Net looking at seedy websites, and it’s started to make you feel uncomfortable (maybe after your initial curiosity has been satisfied) then resist going on to such websites. Get rid of your home computer if you have to because you're less likely to search out such sites at work. If you're concerned about dirty fantasies when you're having sex, then talk to your lover sensually during sex because that will prevent your mind wandering to some grubby scenario. Also try replacing seedy scenarios with something a bit more acceptable or more pleasing to your soul.