Dr Pam Spurr

Dirty talk - some questions and answers

Dirty talk - some questions and answers

Q: What benefits can a little dirty talk in the bedroom have on your relationship?

“The fantastic benefit of a little bit of dirty talk is that it often allows partners to break free of any little sexual inhibitions they have. They can almost let go of “who they are” and turn it into a little bit a fantasy role-play. Daring to say things they might never usually say also means that dirty talk might lead to a little bit of sex-perimentation."

Q: What is the one thing a man should NEVER say to his girlfriend in bed (for example, it's probably a very, very bad idea to call your girlfriend a "dirty slut" in the sack unless she asks you to do it).

“A man should never use negative and critical dirty talk directed specifically at his partner unless she asks him to. For example, definitely don't call her things like dirty slut, whore, skanky streetwalker, etc. Instead dirty talk should revolve around the hot and raunchy pleasure he is getting from her like, "My cock is throbbing for your hot pussy! It's always good manners to checkout what words she's okay with and what words she's not. “Pussy” may get her excited, but “minge” may not!”

Q: How can you encourage a girl who is shy and quiet in bed to be more vocal?  What techniques would you use?  Is asking questions, such as "how does that feel?" "what would you like me to do," a good idea? 

"Getting that shy-girl to find her dirty side can be tricky so use little steps to get her started. Begin by asking her how it feels when you’re doing something to her. Then ask her for specific details. If said in a caring way you should definitely then ask her if it’s ok if you use certain words to describe what you’re doing - then start with the more “gentle” dirty words and see how she responds. Always tell her that you want to know if you've gone too far. Showing her that respect will give her more confidence. The more confident the shy-girl has, the more likely she'll find her dirty side. Do these steps in reverse too. When she's doing something to give you pleasure start describing in detail how it feels and what it's making you want to do like, "When you touch my cock like that it makes me want to explode!"

Q: What are some phrases that will get the ball rolling?  What is your no-fail sexiest line that is guaranteed to help her come out of her shell?  Does complimenting her body help in getting things going? 

"The most success you'll have is complimenting her as a whole person like, "You are amazing and it make me want to do everything to pleasure you!" Follow this up with specific, but genuine, compliments about her body. She'll see through a lie if you compliment her in a way that you don't really mean."

Q: Everyone has likes and dislikes when it comes to sex.  How can you tell if your girlfriend just isn’t into the dirty talk?  Are there any verbal cues (aside from "stop it!") or any physical signs that tell that she doesn’t like it?  

"The most obvious physical signs are if she tenses her body when you make some sort of dirty remark or if she flinches/pulls away from you. She may try to hide such physical signs, so also listen to see if her sex noises stop. For example, if she's been making lovely sighs of pleasure and then the stop you'll know you've gone too far."