Dr Pam Spurr

A couple top tips for getting what you want in bed from him

A couple top tips for getting what you want in bed from him

The very best verbal techniques for getting what you want in bed include lavishing him with genuine praise when he hits the right spot and using "sex sounds" to encourage more of what he's doing. You can’t underestimate how much a man loves having his ego boosted by your praise! The moment he touches you in a place - or in a way - that turns you on say something like, "That's amazing! That's fantastic! Don't stop!" Next, encourage more of what he's doing by letting out some sensual moans and groans - that stimulates his primal sex response to keep pleasing you.

"Substitution" and "termination" are the best techniques for stopping any sexual behaviour of his that turns you off. For example, if he's caressing/kissing you too firmly demonstrate a "substitute" behaviour to him. Take his fingers in your mouth and suck them at the pressure that you’d like to be touched/kissed. Then whisper to him, "can you touch/kiss me with that same pressure - it’d be such a turn-on!" With "termination" simply remove his hand/his lips and move elsewhere if he's not stimulating you correctly. His subconscious mind will pick up this subtle message if you repeat it a couple times. Ultimately learning to discuss your pleasures and turn-offs will strengthen your relationship. Always begin by telling him something positive about a sexual behaviour of his you like before suggesting that something else doesn't work "as well as that."