Dr Pam Spurr

How to maintain a sensational sex life over time!

How to maintain a sensational sex life over time!

To maintain a good sex life throughout many years of marriage, you should try the following:

a)      Every week

Indulge each other every week even in tiny ways. Romance is hugely underrated in our busy lives but if you make small romantic gestures you’re much more likely to feel sexy towards each other. Use candles at dinner-time, make little tapes of their favourite tracks or fill their Ipod with the "love" music, give small gifts that are meaningful to you both. Buy them some sexy underwear or a sex toy to experiment with together.

b) Every month

Have a proper date with each other. Put it in your diaries as you would when you were first going out. If you have children pre-arrange your babysitter. Have a sensual shower beforehand and wear a sexy outfit. Ban any talk of issues or problems while you're on your date. Flirt and make sexy suggestions over dinner. A monthly date makes your relationship feel special. Use that opportunity to try a new position back in bed. At least once a month try a new oral sex technique particularly as more women can reach climax through oral then penetrative sex. For example, use a vibrator during oral sex. You can stimulate each other with it while kissing/licking the genitals. Try stimulating each other's perineum during oral play. For extra pleasure use the ‘tongue-joy’ vibrator that slips onto the tongue and vibrates wherever you kiss. Alternatively it can be slipped on to a finger so while using your mouth you can also vibrate elsewhere with your finger. For some truly different oral pleasure try ‘humming’ gently while you have them in your mouth.

c)      Every six months

First take a stroll down memory lane and visit the place you first met or had your first date. Chat about your memories and laugh over your first impressions of each other. Or flick through your photo album and chat about the things you've done together. Psychological research shows that those couples who take regular “strolls” through their happy/romantic memories last the longest and are the happiest! These memories will unite you through the any difficult times you face. Now's the perfect time to introduce some fantasy-play together. Take turns discussing your secret fantasies. Lie there and sensually caress each other as you listen to each other stories.

d)     Once a year

Definitely take a holiday together once a year and if you have children leave them with the grandparents. You can recharge yourself and your brain - your biggest sex organ! Our brains get stuffed full of worries about work or other concerns. An annual clear-out, where you indulge each other, will recharge this all-important sex organ. By giving your selves time in new surroundings you can rekindle a deeper passion. As humans we crave spontaneity and new experiences and yet also settle into routines at home where we make love in the same place and at the same time each week. Being in a hotel or holiday villa allows you to let go of that routine and experiment.