Dr Pam Spurr

Summer Sex Questions & Answers

Dear Dr. Pam,

I got chatting to a lad who works at the spring fair that's came through my home-town. He was drop dead gorgeous and we ended up having a fling over the weekend. It was the best sex I've ever had. The problem is it’s been playing on my mind ever since. I'm in a relationship that’s not been terribly happy despite the fact the sex is quite good. I want to look at this as a weekend fling while my boyfriend was away for work. Does it count since it will never happen again (we didn’t exchange contacts) and since my boyfriend and I have had our ups and downs? Sharon, 23, address withheld

A: Of course it counts if you have a sexual fling! Just because you and your boyfriend have had your ups and downs it doesn't give you carte blanche to go behind his back. My big question is not so much the fact that you had a passionate weekend of sex but why you've continued to stay in a less-than-satisfying relationship? Are you afraid of being alone? Is it because the sex is quite good, so you’re happy to just go along with the flow rather than find a better relationship? I think it's important you answer these questions. Definitely no more weekend sexual flings until you sort out your main relationship.

Dear Dr. Pam,

Every summer my brother's best pal from university has come to stay over the last three years. Last summer we had a fling that we kept hidden from everyone. My brother would go spare if he knew I slept with his best friend. I'd love to have another fling, as he was hot in bed. But I don't want him to think I'm a tart. How can I bring up this sensitive subject when he arrives? Or should I just flirt and make it obvious? Sally, 20, Brighton

A: I'm not sure why your brother would "go spare" but I suppose you know him best. Apart from going behind his back I don't think you have much to worry about. There’s no reason why he should think you’re a “tart” just because you’re confident enough to have enjoyed a fling with him and would like to do so again. I'd start with the flirting and see if he responds. No point doing a "big conversation" if he's not interested. If he responds favourably to your flirting then ask him out on his own for a drink. And maybe you two should just let your brother know that you fancy each other - no crime in that!

Dear Dr. Pam,

This summer I have an amazing opportunity to work as a holiday rep at a summer holiday camp on the south coast. As I want to get into show business I figure this is a fantastic first step. The problem is I’ve now heard that the camp reps get up to all sorts of drinking and sex games after hours. I'm not like that and not at all experienced. How can I show them I can be fun but not get into these sex games? Mandy, 21, Taunton

A: This is the thing I hate about sex and other people - the pressure to be like them and do whatever they're doing. There’s no reason on this earth why you have to participate in sex and drink games to ensure you're well received in your new job. It's all about setting boundaries on your own behaviour and ignoring pressure from them. If you go out in the evening with them, and they go too far, you can always leave saying you're tired. If you want to sit on the sidelines and just have a laugh at their antics that's fine too. And you can simply say No, you're not interested in joining in if someone pressures you to.

Dear Dr. Pam,

I love the warm weather and take full advantage of it. I get really turned on sunbathing in the nude. The sun beating down on me makes me feel very randy. My husband is a bit of a prude and objects to this. We’ve been together seven years and I’ve always known he’s not as free-spirited as I am. It's not like there's any neighbours who can look over our back garden. I can’t work out what's going on with him. You think he'd be happy to end up with a tanned and horny wife each night. Is this so wrong? Hannah, 33, Cambridge

A: No, there's nothing wrong with what you’re doing but I can work out what is going wrong After seven years together he's probably not up to sex every night during the summer. We always think that men are going to be up-for-it 24/7 but that's not the case. He's probably happy with occasional, good quality sex, with the wife he loves. He doesn't like the pressure feeling he must perform like a poolside stud each night in the summer. Try compromising with your demands. Enjoy a little sex-play some evenings, full sex other nights, and no sex at all on others.

Dear Dr. Pam,

I hope you can help me as I'm worrying myself sick. I've been with my boyfriend for two years and we had a lovely week early summer in a Spanish resort. One night we got carried away after too much to drink and ended up having sex in the hotel Jacuzzi. I was telling a girlfriend about how much fun it was and she said you can get STIs from swimming-pool water. Is this true? Could we have picked up an STI by doing this? Gemma, 25,

A: Technically your girlfriend is right. There is a very small chance you could pick up an STI (sexually transmitted infection) in swimming-pool or Jacuzzi water. Just as you can pick up things like verruchas or athletes foot infections in watery settings. The best thing to do is for you and your boyfriend to get an STI screen. Your local sexual health clinics will be listed in the Yellow Pages or you can check out www.ruthinking.co.uk for local help or ring the THT Direct information line on 0845 12 21 200

Dear Dr. Pam,

The lad I’ve been seeing for three months convinced me we should book a summer holiday together. I'm now having major second thoughts. The reason for this is he cannot keep his hands off me. He has an enormous sex drive. As we don't live together I can deal with it. But the thought of a week in the sun with him all over me is doing my head in. If I can’t think of a reason to cancel it, what tips do you have for me to make sure I get some holiday rest-and- relaxation rather than ending up exhausted? Tanya, 29, Northampton

A: I wouldn't cancel, instead I'd use this as the perfect opportunity to learn how to handle sex issues in relationships. Everyone has a different level of sex drive and obviously he fancies you like mad and has energy to pursue you. What's most important with a man like this is being absolutely clear with your signals. Don't mix your messages. If on one day he approaches you, and you're feeling in the mood, then respond to his approach. On another time when you're not in the mood just say casually, "I loved it yesterday but don't want to have sex right now." If he pushes the issue you can tell to pleasure himself in the shower. Let this open up a discussion between you two about finding compromise.

Hot Shot:

Our sense of smell is so underrated when it comes to seducing someone. Enjoy the fabulous coconut and tropical scents of some of the suntan lotions available. Use them as lovely smelling massage oil with your holiday hunk – you’ll get the sun protection too!

A whopping 18 per cent of men say they've tried being spanked. Well why not whip him into shape by suggesting you spank him gently. There's a vast selection of padded spanking paddles (and whips) you can get from high-street sex shops.

If you've got a delicious creamy dessert then use it to turn yourself into his dessert. Over a third of men say they've eaten food off their lover's body. It's fab fun and feels good too - so go for it. The high street supermarkets are going to have a surge in sales of chocolate mousses, trifles and eclairs!

Published in Love it! - Summer Sex Special