Dr Pam Spurr

Ten Sizzling Sex Tips!

Ten Sizzling Sex Tips!

In chatting to loads of people for my book Sizzling Sex I was unhappy to confirm what I already suspected to be true: that after a year of being together it's only the rare couple that ever tries a new tip, trick or technique in the bedroom. And I'm even talking about the smallest tip like trying a new way of kissing.

This is a terribly important thing for couples to consider. Because you might alienate your partner or make them feel neglected, or both of you feel bored, if you never try something new.

I'm not talking about swinging from the chandelier! Just simple things that make your partner feel like you've got their pleasure in mind, that they're sexy enough that you want to do something a little bit differently, and that you want to keep a little bit of spice in your relationship. That can mean the difference between breaking-up or staying together and being terribly bored, OR making things just a little bit interesting for different on occasion!

Here's a selection of tips for you to try to put a little bit of sizzle back into your sex life!

Sizzling Tip One - To Bring Her Skin To Life!

Her skin is packed with nerve endings, many of which lie dormant when under-stimulated. You can't give her a enough sensual touching! So consider this - many men are great at simply stroking their lover's erogenous zones, say, as you're kissing each other. You know I mean - simply moving their fingertips back and forth under her hair at the base of her neck, on the back of her arm, on her bottom, etc. This feels wonderful and reassuring as well as sensuous. But there are so many ways to touch her with only a little imagination you can give her sexual bliss.

So here's a touching technique that'll make her think you're amazingly attentive. Imagine using your fingertips like little droplets of rain, as if in a "pitter-patter" pattern of tiny raindrops that land gently along her skin. This technique feels wonderful when you're getting into real foreplay territory if done right across her pubic mound.

Think of the area about a hand's width below her belly button and a couple centimetres above her clitoris. Let your fingertips alight in a raindrop pattern back and forth across her pubic mound. Because the clitoral region expands out underneath the skin, down her labia, and around her pubic bone this tip will heighten the sensations in that whole area. And when you lightly pitter-patter your fingertips across her pubic bone you send loads of tiny vibrations into her clitoris. This can quite literally drive her mad, particularly if she has a very sensitive clitoris. You can use the raindrop technique anywhere she's particularly sensitive. You can also try rain drop touching on him!

Sizzling Tip Two - For Amazing Massage!

Try the Erotic 8 Massage to give your partner wonderful sensations. This technique is very simple but gives fantastic results! This will give every bit as much pleasure or more than classic massage strokes but in a very different way.

Your lover needs to be lying on his/her back or on his/her stomach for the Erotic 8 Massage. Warm your hands by rubbing them together with some massage oil and start with your hands meeting at their breastbone (or above her breasts). Sweep your hands apart and outwards skimming the sides of their chest and coming back in to meet at their belly button. Then skim them back outwards around the sides of their hips coming in to meet at the top of their pubic bone.

Repeat this action, in reverse, moving back up their body coming into their belly button first, out and around the side of their chest and meeting at the top of their breastbone. You can keep doing this wonderful big swirling figure 8 movement up and down their body.

Or if they're on their stomach you can do the same starting at their upper back. Sweep around the sides of their ribcage and meeting your fingertips at their waistline. And then skim back outwards forming the second part of the figure 8, moving your hands out around their buttocks and meeting just at the base of them - where the upper thighs come together to meet the buttocks. A very sensitive and sexy area!

Sizzling Tip Three - Using Luscious Lubricants!

Using luscious lubricants is a powerful and easy way to heighten your partner's sensitivity and enjoyment of sex. There are many different types of lubricants available at adult shops, on the Internet, and even at high street chemists. Lubricants can be fantastic fun and make sex extra sizzling but many couples don't bother to try them.

Of course you can use lubricants anywhere on your partner's body. Always begin by putting a big dollop in the middle of your hand and warming it up before you start gently rubbing it over their body. But an extra sizzling place to use lubricants is stroking gently between your partner's legs, over their perineum and up around their buttocks.

If your partner has any trouble with getting aroused then a lubricant will really help them. Begin by asking your partner to relax back while you put an extra big dollop of lubricant on the palm of your hand and warm it up with your other hand. Then you can reach right between their thighs and smooth it in great big, luscious sweeping actions from there up and over their pubic mound and lower tummy.

Reapply more lubricant then slip your hand back between their legs and do that big sweeping motion again. By the time you've repeated that a number of times (mind you do this gently with the palm of your hand), they'll feel fantastic. Another tip is to continue enjoying a luscious lubricant throughout sex-play and during penetration - so keep the bottle or tube to hand!

Sizzling Tip Four - For A Sizzling Snog!

There's kissing and then there's sizzling kissing! Yes we all love a snog but if we don't occasionally vary what we do, even that can become boring. One simple type of kiss that'll make things sizzle is called The Medieval Necklet Kiss. This kiss is not meant for kissing the lips but for stimulating the neglected but tender skin around the collarbone and neckline. The name derives from the Medieval times when fair maidens wore low cut necklines that revealed their cleavage and their Knights in shining armour could seduce them by kissing along this area. Women can also do this kiss on men, too.

Legend has it that when a knight wanted to seduce a maiden the trick was to plant erotic little kisses, one after the other, along her collarbone above her heaving bosom. This style of kissing would heighten her feelings of pleasure so that she became putty in his hands. Nowadays she or he can become putty in your hands. Begin by nuzzling your partner's neckline and then slowly begin to plant little kisses from one side of his/her neck to the other. Pause between each kiss so that they can feel your breath along their collarbone. It's a little technique that feels really erotic because it takes time and you can both savour the moment.

Sizzling Tip Five - Discover Their Pleasure Map!

Every person has their favourite erogenous zones as well as undiscovered ones. Part of the pleasure about getting-to-know your lover is discovering their pleasure zones that might've been neglected or rarely touched. One way you can do this is by discovering their pleasure map. Build the sexual anticipation by telling them that you don't want to have full sex immediately but that you're on a journey of discovery.

Make sure your partner's warm and comfortable and ask them to lie back. To build real trust, ask them to close their eyes. This technique can become like a sensual little game if you ask them to rate from 1-to-10 the different areas that you touch. One can be the least pleasurable and 10 being the most pleasurable sensation. But of course you don't have to ask them to rate it and instead ask them to let you know what feels best.

Beginning at their scalp try different stroking and touching techniques. As you go get occasional feedback by asking them how good it feels. Then continue right down their shoulders and along the sides of their arms. Touch around their fingertips and palms and then up inside their wrist, to their inner elbow and up to their armpit. Now you can move along their ribcage up across their chest/breasts and down their abdomen. Change the style of touch you use and the pressure and speed of touch while you're moving around their body. You might decide to simply do one area of their body at a time. Another time you might explore their back and buttocks. Then trade places and enjoy having your erogenous map discovered.

Sizzling Tip Six- Your Personal Pleasure Chest

Every girl should have a pleasure chest! You can keep this at your bedside. This is what a wise woman puts together and keeps handy for spontaneous sex. Put all your favourite things that enhance your sex-life into your pleasure chest.

What should you include? Everything from a great supply of condoms to your sex toys. Keep your favourite lubricants in it as well as a pot of honey or your favourite flavour of jam like yummy strawberry. You might also want to include things like a blindfold, handcuffs, a cock ring, silky stockings, your favourite erotica or sexy magazines, edible body paint, and other little items like a feather for feathering and a body brush.

Sizzling Tip Seven - "V" Is For Victory

This is one of my favourite techniques to recommend as not only is it incredibly simple but it has the power to turn-on any woman, even those who have difficulty getting aroused. It gives a real teasing sensation that he can do for as long as you want.

As you two are kissing and touching you can move his fingers into this. Imagine that his index and middle fingers form a classic V-sign. However he doesn't close his thumb and outer two fingers into his palm. They simply relax outwards away from the V-sign. Now get him to slip this V-sign over your pubic mound, moving his two fingertips downwards (towards your perineum/bottom) so that his index finger "covers" one of your labia and his middle finger "covers" the other labia.

He only slips them down over your labia to roughly the point that your clitoris ends up in line with the bottom of his fingers (nearest to the palm of his hand).

The placement's important so that as he moves his V-sign lightly forwards and backwards skimming your labia, and so your clitoris is barely stimulated. In this way your entire clitoral region is stimulated, getting maximum teasing!

He can keep this gentle rocking-action going as long as you want and you'll probably begging soon for full sex because it's such a turn on.

Sizzling Tip Eight - Oriental Body Massage & The Thai Hair Massage

Men absolutely love the sensation of the softness of a woman's skin against theirs. It contrasts so much with their own skin - often hairier and rougher - that it immediately makes them appreciate the difference in your feminine body. You can heighten his appreciation of your skin by giving him an oriental body massage.

Do this during foreplay - the perfect time is when he's lying on his back. Raise yourself up on your arms and allow your naked breasts to gently swish across his chest. Then move downwards so they skim his stomach and hips. Then you can move on top of him in a sort of 'push up' position and glide your entire body, from your hips to your breasts, across his. Continue to kiss him while you do this.

Thailand is notorious for its sex trade. Thankfully it's not all seedy and there are some sizzling experiences that the masseuses give their clients. One of these is the Thai Hair Massage. Again, it's perfect for foreplay. Ask him to lie back and pull yourself up over him. His shirt should be off. Lean over and let the ends of your hair swish back and forth across his chest and abdomen. Keep it out of his face - that's not very sexy! Alternate this with a fingertip massage before going back to using your hair.

Sizzling Tip Nine - Million Dollar Vibrations

This will positively make sex sizzle for him. You definitely need to know where his 'million-dollar spot'. This is located between his legs and at about the centre of his perineum. His perineum is the band of skin that runs from the base of his testicles to his anus. Men vary in sensitivity at different points on this erogenous zone so find the exact spot - the million-dollar spot - that gives him most pleasure. The million-dollar spot's located over his prostate and when you stimulate this area it puts pressure on his prostate.

Stroke this area with your fingertips and ask him which part feels best. Then take a vibrator, using it on low-speed, and gently circle his million-dollar spot with it. As always with vibrators use a lubricant to make it a sexier vibe! Most men love this trick once they've been introduced to it although some may be a little bit inhibited at first by the idea of you using a vibrator in this area.

Sizzling Tip Ten - Lasting Longer

Men are obsessed about lasting long enough during penetrative sex - if they're really turned on they start worrying they'll climax before you're ready. You can use this trick very subtly so he won't feel like you're 'telling him off'.

Tell him how good it feels to pulsate his PC muscle - those are the pelvic floor muscles that run from his pubic bone around to his anus. You also have pelvic floor muscles. When he's nice and erect during foreplay suggest that he pulsates these. Tell him that you've been told it strengthens the erection leading to a better orgasm once it's time to climax. It does do this, too, but crucially he can learn to last longer. When you actually get down to full sex, ask him to do the pulsations again, and not only will you feel them inside you, but they'll slow him down from reaching orgasm.