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About Me

Thanks for checking out my site - the entire point is free self-help with agony aunt-style advice on lots of topics. That said, no article (in full or in part) may be reprinted or used without my premission.

I work as a self help expert, life and solutions coach, commentator and writer on sex, relationships, and behaviour and agony aunt.

I hope you'll find the articles & tips useful! I've sorted them into the main areas of: sex, love & relationships, parenting, life coaching, and others.

Please get in touch at 'e-mail me' on my homepage - I'd love to answer every e-mail but as I run my site without assistance and work full-time sadly I can't.

In my work as an agony aunt, solutions coach and writer I've written 14 self-help books, my latest are Sex Academy, How to be a Happy Human and The Emotional Eater's Diet. I'm also...

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...an occasional broadcaster doing a bit of radio & TV.

For over three years I've had a fortnightly online sex and love advice column for the Sun newspaper - please do visit the Sun online - a new column goes live every other Friday full of top tips on sex and love.

Recently I did a fun project as a regular celebrity news/relationships commentator on a small satellite show and I pop up on different TV programmes as an agony aunt and social commentator like This Morning, BBC Breakfast, Loose Women, Sky News, and the spin off Big Brother programmes.

Since 1997 I've presented radio programmes and was over-the-moon to win a Sony radio award when I was at Heart FM London here I presented shows for five years. I then presented for 4 1/2 years on LBC before going freelance. Since then I've presented and 'guested' on a huge number of BBC regional stations inclduing BBC London, Western regions and Surrey and Sussex.

For two years I had a weekly agony slot on Tom Dunne's show on Dublin Newstalk radio as well as a weekly dream analysis slot on George Lamb's previous BBC 6 Music shows.

I've previously worked as a psychologist getting my doctorate in psychology from a London teaching hospital where I researched how to help parents whose children had emotional and/or behavioural problems. I've done a number of other courses in psychology - my BSc Hons in psychology from a London university, MPhil in psychology from the London teaching hospital I received my PhD from + ad hoc counselling-type and self-improvement/life-coaching courses. I'm a Chartered Research, Teaching & Academic psychologist with the BPS.

I have worked with a number of charities and presently am a patron of Kids in the Middle that advises parents who are breaking up on how to help their children during this difficult time.

It's fun writing a weekly 'Love Doc' page for Miss Independent Woman website - check them out here! And I'm starting a new agony column with the Yummy Mummy website.

I also support the fantastic work of Kevin Healey and to his autism bullying campaign as well as being a founding member of Kids in the Middle - a charity that aims to promote awareness in parents who are breaking up and how this can affect their children.

I'm delighted to support Saying Goodbye a  charity supporting and providing national services for those who have suffered a miscarriage, still birth or early years loss. 

No two days are the same and I enjoy fresh challenges and always look for new things to do having written self-help columns and articles for many websites and magazines.

I hope you find the site helpful - it's packed with tips and advice - and more to come. Keep checking in for updates!

Keep happy, keep hopeful, Dr Pam x

p.s My 'loves' include: anything made of chocolate (I'm a complete chocoholic) + music including artists/bands - off the top of my head  and in a completely random order - Foos, Kings of Leon, Royal Blood, Pulled Apart by Horses, Jack White, Mallory Knox, Bloc Party, XX, The Drums, Wild Beasts, Phoenix, Filthy Dukes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the Strokes, The Dead Weather, Them Crooked Vultures, Alabama Shakes, Biffy Clyro, Enter Shakari, MGMT, Band of Horses, Arcade Fire, White Lies, Example, Calvin Harris, Mark Ronson, Black Keys, Plan B, MIA, Tinie Tempah, Tinchy Stryder, Dizzee Rascal, JayZ, plus AWOL Nation, TEED, Wretch 32, Angel, Jay James Picton, Kendrick Lamar, Spector, Wolfgang, Ed Sheeran and Liam Bailey, Ben Howard, plus dubstep Magnetic Man, Modestep, Nero and Katy B + so many more... like poptastic (and sometimes guilty) pleasures like The Sugababes, Girls Aloud, Britney, Take That + great books like anything by John Irving, William Boyd, Robert Harris, and Lionel Shriver + travel including places like Peru, Cuba, Cambodia, Thailand and India + films of all genres + lots of other stuff like going to galleries, the theatre + action sports like water skiing, skiing, paragliding, hiking and I've been a black belt in Shotokan Karate for years but haven't been able to train for a few years due to a major accident (not related to Karate).

 

I pop up on different TV programmes like This Morning, BBC Breakfast, Big Brother's Little Brother, GMTV, Loose Women and others. I've presented radio programmes since 1997 and won a Sony radio award when I was at Heart 106.2 FM. Think that's the only award I've ever won - I'm not counting a fashion award I won in high school, for creating an entire outfit out of purple, as quite frankly my fashion sense nowadays could be politely described as "eclectic".
I presently do two weekly radio slots - have been doing Wednesdays on George Lamb's BBC 6 Music show for months, but when he moves to weekends in December I'll be doing contributions to his new shows. Tuesdays on Tom Dunne's show on Dublin Newstalk radio as well as lots of freelancing on various stations - popping up weekly on stations around the country.
I've previously worked as a psychologist getting my doctorate in psychology from a London teaching hospital where I researched how to help parents whose children had emotional and/or behavioural problems. I've done a number of other courses in psychology + counselling-type areas.
No two days are the same as quite frankly I have a low boredom threshold - I need fresh challenges and I'm always looking for new things to do.
I write about love, sex, life - and even celebrities' behaviour - for newspapers like The Express, The Sun, The Times and others, magazines like Love it! and Scarlet plus the 'glossies' like Cosmo, Glamour, Red, Now, More, and so on. Check out my new weekly column on iVillage.co.uk and my regular contributions to MSN.co.uk, as well as the Goodtoknow.co.uk, Men's Health, Orange and GQ websites amongst others. 
I hope you find the site super helpful - it's packed with advice - and more to come. Keep checking in for updates like the little sex tip films I plan plus other interesting things!
Keep happy, Dr Pam x 
p.s My 'loves' include: anything made of chocolate + music including artists/bands (off the top of my head) from Tinchy Stryder, Dizzee Rascal, Kings of Leon, Bloc Party, Wild Beast (v happy to see them on Jools Holland as have never caught them live), Phoenix, Filthy Dukes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Foo Fighters, and so many more to pop like my guilty pleasures of The Sugababes, Girls Aloud, Take That + great books like anything by John Irving, William Boyd, and Lionel Shriver + travel including places like Peru, Cuba and India + films of all genres + lots of other stuff like going to galleries, the theatre + action sports - I've been a black belt in Shotokan Karate for years but haven't been able to train for a few years due to a major accident (funny enough not related to Karate). And my biggest loves of all are my hubby and two children.
My 'hates' include...well, I might just keep those to myself!

 

 

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News

Here are 12 steps to a sexy, fun blissmas for stressed out couples...

08/12/2016

It doesn't take relationship research to tell us that so many couples get stressed in December (but it does tell us that). So it's my duty to try and point you in the direction of flirty fun.

In my Sun newspaper online column today I've provided you with 12 steps to doing just that.

Enjoy! Pam x 

Call me Saturday Dec 10th 9PM til midnight with any dilemma on Talk Radio...

08/12/2016

Completely looking forward to doing a 3 hour 'love, life and lust (sex!)' special on talkRADIO this Saturday night from 9 PM 'til midnight.

I'll take your calls anything little niggles or great nasty big dramas.

Who isn't facing an issue or dilemma?  We all do! And it's going to be an open dilemmas night where you can get in touch about anything on your mind from dating to depression issues, from self-esteem to sex issues. And all points inbetween!

My producer will give you a different name if you want to stay anonymous. Also we'll call you back so you're not paying for the call!

Please get your call in early so you're not disappointed. CALL: 0344 499 1000

TEXT: text TALK and your message to 87222. Texts cost 25p plus your standard network rate.

TWITTER: tweet me at @talkRADIO

FACEBOOK: talkRADIO facebook page

EMAIL THE WEBSITE: talkradio.co.uk/contact

With over 20 years as a self-help expert I'm happy to help you move forward with any dilemma that's on your mind. Let's talk it over.

Til then look after yourself, Pam x

Going to the office Christmas party? Some things you should...

07/12/2016

Who doesn't want to let their hair down at the office party? Especially as there's usually loads of free drinks! But I hate to be the bearer of bad news - your behaviour will be noted. The office isn't the same as going out with your friends.

It's so easy to forget this when you're having a good time.

Check out my tips in my latest Little Mistress blog.

Have fun but take care not to overdo it, Pam x

As Robbie Williams' wife says she sometimes fakes orgasm, top tips...

02/12/2016

Loose Women fans were shocked when Robbie's wife confessed to faking it in bed. But she's far from alone and in my Sun newspaper online column today I outline the four main reasons why women fake it and what to do about them.

Take a look and stop faking it from today.

Happy weekend, Pam x


Affairs, worried parents and a workplace flirtation...

01/12/2016

Dilemmas, dilemmas, dilemmas, it's that time for my monthly Magnet Magazine column. This month the range of questions was just as broad as usual.

If affairs, worried parents, and workplace flirting rings any bells with you then please check it out.

Bear in mind this link takes a few seconds to open.

Take care of yourself, Pam x



Call me Saturday 3rd December on Talk Radio...

30/11/2016

I'm so looking forward to doing a 3 hour 'love, life and lust (sex!)' special on talkRADIO this Saturday night from 9 PM 'til midnight.

I'll take your calls anything little niggles or great nasty big dramas.

Who isn't facing an issue or dilemma?  We all do! And it's going to be an open dilemmas night where you can get in touch about anything on your mind from dating to depression issues, from self-esteem to sex issues. And all points inbetween!

My producer will give you a different name if you want to stay anonymous. Also we'll call you back so you're not paying for the call!

Please get your call in early so you're not disappointed. CALL: 0344 499 1000

TEXT: text TALK and your message to 87222. Texts cost 25p plus your standard network rate.

TWITTER: tweet me at @talkRADIO

FACEBOOK: talkRADIO facebook page

EMAIL THE WEBSITE: talkradio.co.uk/contact

With over 20 years as a self-help expert I'm happy to help you move forward with any dilemma that's on your mind. Let's talk it over.

Til then look after yourself, Pam x

Looking after yourself in the hectic holiday season!

28/11/2016

Many women get in touch with me in the run-up to Christmas because they’re hanging on by their glossily-varnished fingernails.

And in the New Year it continues with many seeking advice on issues from seasonal burn-out to breakups. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You can get through seasonal stresses and strains and retain your sparkle.

Try these tips to reclaim your calm in the hectic holiday season:

*A-listers versus Z-listers - Just as with celebrities, there’s a hierarchy for tasks ahead. Make two lists – the ‘A-list’ you really must accomplish by Christmas. And the ‘Z-list’ - things that maybe as a perfectionist you really want done but they really don’t matter. Start recognising the difference from today!

*Prioritise me-time - If you’re a wreck by Christmas, you’re no good to yourself or others. Schedule little breaks in coming weeks. Treat them as sacrosanct. They might include spoiling yourself with a facial, relaxing in a candlelit bath, even taking a nap.

*Don’t relegate romance – New Year divorce statistics show that Christmas puts terrible pressure on relationships. Just like prioritising me-time, plan a couple dates before Christmas just for you two. These needn’t be expensive evenings out. A candlelit meal at home can make you feel loved-up.

*Be party-ready - Choose your outfit the night before so you don’t discover at the last minute your favourite frock has a stain. Allow yourself 10 extra minutes to get ready so you don’t rush. If you’ve lots of events, don’t be the last to leave.

*Indulge your skin – When possible, take a quiet moment and relax with a generous amount of your favourite serum or cream to enrich your skin. When your skin’s glowing you feel more confident heading to parties. I love relaxing with my favourite Elizabeth Arden Ceramide capsule gently massaged into my skin (see more below).

*Health equals happiness - Foods (and drink!) affect your mood. Don’t over-rely on caffeine or sugary drinks for energy. They lead to mood-crashes. Alternate alcoholic drinks with non-alcoholic ones, avoiding dreaded morning-after-misery. Enjoy tasty seasonal treats but eat ‘healthy’ in-between events.

*Become a ‘no’ person - It’s easy to be a people-pleaser. You say yes to things you don’t want to do because you don’t want to seem like a Christmas Grinch. But one survey found 77% of people got stressed out doing things they didn’t have time for. If you can’t face that extra work ‘do’, going to your neighbour’s annual get-together, etc., say a polite ‘no thanks’.

*What’s it all about - Finally, remember what the festive season is about. Apart from religious beliefs you might have, it’s about being with people you love. They don’t expect everything to be perfect! A relaxed, harmonious vibe will make this the best Christmas ever.

 

From the least expensive to most expensive ranges, I love my beauty products! So I was full of Christmas cheer when Elizabeth Arden sent me some of the Ceramide, Skin Illuminating and Visible Difference ranges.

I love the texture of the Ceramide range products. The Ceramide Premiere Intense Moisture and Renewal Overnight Regeneration Cream is super luxurious. You only need a small amount as it’s rich. I smooth it between my fingertips and then stroke it lightly over my skin.

The Ceramide Capsules Daily Youth Restoring Eye Serum and Ceramide Capsules Daily Youth Restoring Serum (face) glide on easily and have a real lasting quality. Unlike some products on the market where within a couple hours you feel you need to reapply them.

Exquisite little capsules of a rich, sensual serum is the only way to describe the Skin Illuminating Night Capsules. I used these with the Skin Illuminating Day Serum, during the day. You might fall for these quickly! My skin texture has definitely improved. And under make-up the Day Serum has an illuminating quality.

As instructed, I use the Skin Illuminating Retexturizing Pads every few days. Look for an improving result for the top layer of your skin over a few weeks. I’ve tried other brands that aim to retexture your skin but they’ve proved too harsh. My skin is quite sensitive and haven’t tolerated those, but not with these Retexturizing Pads.

Overall, all of these Elizabeth Arden products have a lasting effect. They have a gorgeous quality and you don’t feel you have to reach for more product every few hours. Check the Elizabeth Arden site  Elizabeth Arden

*Please note no payment was made for this article.

Call me tomorrow night Nov 26th with any dilemma, small or large, on Talk Radio...

25/11/2016

I'm so looking forward to doing a 3 hour 'love, life and lust (sex!)' special on talkRADIO this Saturday night from 9 PM 'til midnight.

I'll take your calls anything little niggles or great nasty big dramas.

Who isn't facing an issue or dilemma?  We all do! And it's going to be an open dilemmas night where you can get in touch about anything on your mind from dating to depression issues, from self-esteem to sex issues. And all points inbetween!

My producer will give you a different name if you want to stay anonymous. Also we'll call you back so you're not paying for the call!

Please get your call in early so you're not disappointed. CALL: 0344 499 1000

TEXT: text TALK and your message to 87222. Texts cost 25p plus your standard network rate.

TWITTER: tweet me at @talkRADIO

FACEBOOK: talkRADIO facebook page

EMAIL THE WEBSITE: talkradio.co.uk/contact

With over 20 years as a self-help expert I'm happy to help you move forward with any dilemma that's on your mind. Let's talk it over.

Til then look after yourself, Pam x

Want to be all tied up? Six things you need to know about bondage...

24/11/2016

In my column in the Sun newspaper online today I'm giving you some must know tips about bondage for beginners. Why? Because over the last three years there's been a surge of interest – the '50 Shades' phenomenon continues.

I want you to play safe so check them out.

Have fun, Pam x

What does Katie Price's body language reveal about her relationship with husband Kieran?

20/11/2016

In my Sun newspaper column online today I've analyse some snaps of Katie and Kieran. She's such a successful businesswoman, but people wonder why relationship history is like a rollercoaster.

Check out a few of my thoughts on some of their photos.

Take care, Pam x


Check out these six things you must stop or risk destroying your sex life...

18/11/2016

In my Sun newspaper online column I've got a few warnings for you today. Some statistics passed my desk about how stress can kill off your sex life.

Check out the six things you need to stop doing to make sure your sex life survives the normal daily stresses and strains.

Happy weekend, Pam x

Calling all singles – find love for Christmas!

16/11/2016

Here are some handy tips in my latest Little Mistress blog that you can start using from today in the run-up to Christmas. You may well be happily single, but for those who want to find love, Christmas can seem a lonely time. Increase your chances to bag someone special by using these tips.

And while you're checking out the tips, check out their site.

Good luck! Pam x

 

As Prince Harry's girlfriend flies over for a night, six moves you must try...

11/11/2016

TV actress Meghan Markle has flown to London over for a night with Prince Harry. Things are obviously at the extremely passionate phase for them and when couples feel like that, they grab every opportunity.

Here are six moves you must try if you've only got a night (or a weekend) together.

Enjoy! Pam x

With attacks on the increase, how to stay safe with online dating...

08/11/2016

In today's Sun newspaper I've got some stay safe steps for singles to take.

Online dating can be fantastic. But attacks are up 20% over five years for people on Tinder.

Check out the tips and have fun.

Take care of yourself, Pam x

As the curse of strictly hits another celebrity, my analysis of the lust that's rife...

05/11/2016

The Sun showbiz team's reported on how Strictly Come Dancing celebrity Daisy Lowe has broken up with her boyfriend.

As a behaviour expert I know there are some key things in this programme that generates lust between the competitors and their professional dance partners.

Check my column out here.

Happy weekend, Pam x

Nine things you should not do you have a great sex life...

04/11/2016

In my Sun newspaper column online today I've got some must-know tips for you. So many people ask me for random sex tips - what they should do - but here are nine things you really should not do if you want to have a great sex life.

Have fun checking these out!

Happy weekend, Pam x

His fetish upsets me, my bum is too big and other dilemmas...

01/11/2016

As always, my Magnets Magazine column has a variety of dilemmas.

This month features a woman upset by her husband's fetish, a woman plagued by body image worries and a couple who worked in the same company – one of them is annoyed that the other barely acknowledges their existent at work.

Check it out if any apply to you or you just want to see what's happening in other people's lives.

Please remember this link takes a few seconds to open.

Take care of yourself, Pam x

Ring me Saturday 29th Oct from 9PM to midnight on Talk Radio...

27/10/2016


I'm so looking forward to doing a 3 hour 'love, life and lust (sex!)' special on talkRADIO this Saturday night from 9 PM 'til midnight.

 
It's going to be an open dilemmas night where you can get in touch about anything on your mind from dating to depression issues, from self-esteem to sex issues. And all points inbetween!

We'll give you a different name if you want to stay anonymous. Also we'll call you back so you're not paying for the call!

With over 20 years as a self-help expert I'm happy to help you move forward with little niggles to big nasty problems. Let's talk it over.

CONTACT ME NEXT SATURDAY FROM 9 PM: (please get your call in early so you're not disappointed)

CALL: 0844 499 1000 Calls to this number cost 7 pence per minute plus your provider's access charge.

WE CALL YOU BACK!

TEXT: text TALK and your message to 87222. Texts cost 25p plus your standard network rate.

TWITTER: tweet me at @talkRADIO

FACEBOOK: talkRADIO facebook page

EMAIL THE WEBSITE: talkradio.co.uk/contact
Chat with you then, look after yourself, Pam x

Check out these six signs revealing if he'll be good in bed...

26/10/2016

Thought I'd do something different in my Sun newspaper online sex and love column today. Over the last decade more research has come out about the signs people give off and what it tells you about them as a lover.

Here's my column to find out if he'll be a Mr Lover-man or a Mr Loser-man in bed.

But you can change things up with a few tips at the end of the column to improve things in bed.

Enjoy! Pam x

Call me Saturday night 29th Oct on talkRADIO! It's a one-off radio special!

23/10/2016

I'm so excited to do a 3 hour 'love, life and lust (sex!)' special on talkRADIO this Saturday night from 9 PM 'til midnight, 29th October.

It's going to be an open dilemmas night where you can get in touch about anything on your mind from dating to depression issues, from self-esteem to sex issues. And all points inbetween!

We'll give you a fake name if you want to stay anonymous. Also we'll call you straight back so you're not paying for the call!

With over 20 years as a self-help expert I'm happy to help you move forward with anything from little niggles to big nasty problems. Let's you and I talk it over.

CONTACT ME NEXT SATURDAY (29th Oct) FROM 9 PM: (please get your call in EARLY so you're not disappointed)

CALL: 0844 499 1000 - Calls to this number cost 7 pence per minute plus your provider's access charge. WE CALL YOU STRAIGHT BACK

TEXT: text TALK and your message to 87222. Texts cost 25p plus your standard network rate.

TWITTER: tweet me at @talkRADIO 

FACEBOOK: talkRADIO facebook page

EMAIL THE WEBSITE: talkradio.co.uk/contact
 
Until then look after yourself, Pam x

Seven must-know steps to have more powerful orgasms...

21/10/2016

In my Sun newspaper online column today I have got some quite simple steps you did take to have more powerful orgasms.

Check the tips out and have fun!

Happy weekend, Pam x

Did your parents divorce? How did their relationship affect you? Take my quiz...

19/10/2016

In the Sun newspaper today I've got a quick quiz to indicate how your parents' relationship affected your personality.

Check it out here.

Take care of yourself, Pam x

7 things you need to know about penis size...

13/10/2016

Penis size issues are always popping up (excuse the pun) so I've got some facts for you today in my Sun newspaper online column.

Some of these might surprise you.

But the most important thing? The 'smaller' man can become the King of foreplay and satisfy his partner.

Remember it's quality not quality, Pam x

Do you have a higher sex drive than your partner? Read on...

08/10/2016

In my latest Sun newspaper online column I've tackled this issue that so many couples face. You want more sex, your partner wants less. Or vice versa.

Here are some tips to help you sort this out.

Good luck, Pam x


The colours you wear and how they affect your dating success...

07/10/2016

I love covering dating tips and topics for Little Mistress. And here's one of my recent blogs for them about 'colour coding' for your dating success.

Here it is. And once you've checked out the advice do check out the Little Mistress ranges.

Happy dating, Pam x

It's true! Single women who have close friendships have more success dating...

07/10/2016

In my latest blog for Little Mistress dresses I highlight how you can help each other as friends on the dating scene.

Check it out. And while you're there check out their fab clothing ranges.

Have a happy weekend, Pam x

Are you a LEG? A low expectation girlfriend? Take my checklist now!

06/10/2016

In my latest Sun newspaper online column I've tackled what I've come to call being a LEG.

As a date coach I meet far too many women with low expectations as girlfriends – what they should expect from a guy they start dating. 

Take my checklist and then see the advice to become a HAG - a high achieving the girlfriend (not the best acronym ever). 
 
Happy dating, Pam x

DILEMMAS! Fireman fantasies, work colleague woes and body image issues...

04/10/2016

This month in my column in Magnet Magazine I've got 3 more of your dilemmas – a redhot one about fireman fantasies, one worried person about whether their work colleague's fibbed about something, and body image issues - one woman hates the moles scattered across the body.

If any of these resonate with you then please check out the tips. Bear in mind this link takes a few seconds to open.

Take care of yourself, Pam x


Screamer or silent? Sex sounds a person makes and what they reveal about them...

03/10/2016

There was a report of a web camcompany having to move premises because their models made too many moans and groans during filming.
 
It got me thinking of how many people ask about the sex sounds someone makes - and what do the noises mean? Turned on? Bored? Something else?

So in my Sun newspaper column online I've tackled this. Check out the revelations for your lover's sex-sound-profile (and yours).

Happy Monday, Pam x

Three sex problems he might have that you need to know how to handle...

29/09/2016

In my column in the Sun newspaper online today I've tackled the 3 between-the-sheets issues that come up regularly with men. Check them out - the man you're with may experience these at one time or another.

Be prepared, Pam x

As Zoe Ball and Norman Cook break up again, some thoughts...

26/09/2016

In today's I've commented on Zoe and Norman's breakup. Evidently it's amicable which is wonderful for the children's sake. But it flags up the issues other couples might face if one or other – or both – have struggled with alcohol or substance issues.

Here's the story and comment in the Mirror.

If you're struggling with such issues:

*It's crucial to come clean to yourself, and also loved ones, that you’re on a downward spiral and are trying to rectify this.

*Live strictly one-day-at-a-time - making the best of each day, managing yuor issue/s for that dway only - so you're not daunted by what could seem an impossible challenge to change your life 'forever'.

*Become aware of what ‘triggers’ send you reaching for the bottle/substances. Triggers range from feeling bad about yourself because of the way, e.g., a partner or boss treats you, to becoming overstressed, or many other potential triggers.

*See your GP about potential depression, anxiety, and if counselling is offered.

*Your behaviour’s likely to go hand-in-hand with obsessive and other addictive behaviours so keep a diary of your behaviours that potentially damage you. This’ll give a clearer picture of what your destructive behaviour.

*Get support from a relevant 12 step programme.

*Enlist a ‘crisis buddy’ - someone trustworthy - that you can call when you feel you’re slipping.


Take care of yourself, Pam x

Can you trust that cheat that you're now in a relationship with?

22/09/2016

So he (or maybe she) was in a relationship, they met you, had an affair with you, and then left their partner for you.
 
Now you're in a full on relationship together. But can you trust them? Will they do the same to you and cheat on you?

Check out the dos and don'ts of having a relationship with a cheat in my latest Sun newspaper column.

Go in with your eyes wide open – and keep them open!

Look after yourself, Pam x

As Brangelina split, crucial tips for parents who are breaking up...

21/09/2016

The children of parents who are breaking up are on my mind right now with Brad and Angelina going separate ways. I’m not going to comment on them here except to say I’m surprised when I see people saying they are “so sad” about it. Really? Have they bought into the Hollywood hype that this was the perfect couple?

Let’s not forget A-listers are notorious for their super-sized egos and wanting to do things their way. So compromise – a valuable ingredient to a successful relationship - usually isn’t in their vocabulary.

But back to the all-important children. Here are tips you need to follow if you’re breaking up.

First and foremost always keep in mind if you try and ‘damage’ your ex - directly or indirectly - you only end up damaging your children in some way. A damaged parent is a parent who can’t fully be a parent.

*Never forget your children are ‘emotional sponges’. They’ll absorb any acrimony between you.

*Do you let them know what’s happening particularly with practical matters like one parent (usually the father) moving out.

*Emphasise the good that can come from new arrangements like having ‘special time’ with each parent.

*Give them age-appropriate information. You know them best and can judge what they can cope with knowing. Never give details of personal difficulties between you two. Instead keep it general that "mummy and daddy don't get along anymore." Impress upon them that their well-being’s most important to you both.

*Always stress the break up is not your children's fault. Children often harbour feelings that they've behaved badly and it's affected mum and dad's relationship.

*Resist any urge to criticise your ex-partner in front of your children. This is particularly hurtful to them.

*Definitely seek out mediation services like National Family Mediation (nfm.org.uk). These can offer a safe place to negotiate your differences.

*During and after the breakup agree contact with each other: the form it takes - by phone and/or in person - and how often it occurs. Agreeing such ground rules gives clarity when you both feel upset.

*Be clear when one of you oversteps the mark. Don't let your boundaries slip in the volatile post-breakup months as they’ll be more difficult to reinstate.

*Treat your partner’s feelings considerately without giving false hope of a possible reunion. This is a delicate balancing act with an ex-partner who didn't want the breakup. Rise above their animosity. be the better person - it counts with your children!

*Do lean on friends/family for support as you recover from the breakup. Hiding your heartbreak can only make it worse.

*Face each day as it comes - some days you'll be upbeat, thinking you're over the worst, only to be hit by a bad day. Don't let it shake your confidence!

*Focus on the ‘new life’ that’s yours to have - you can do things that your Ex didn't want to, and there’s no longer friction/upset in your life.

*When ready, enjoy some dating but look for fun and friendship rather than plunging into a rebound relationship. Research shows 90% of these come unstuck.

*Finally, with the best will in the world if you’re at odds with a very angry partner it may be hard to have anything but an acrimonious divorce. The best you can do is keep trying to do the best you can do!

Dilemmas, dilemmas, dilemmas... and advice in my September Magnet column...

20/09/2016

Each month brings a new set of dilemmas. This month I've tackled jealousy, adoption dilemma & a non-existent sex life in my Magnet magazine column.

If any of these issues resonate with you, please check out the advice. Please bear in mind this link to a few seconds to open.

Take care of yourself, Pam x

As some of the X Factor contestants romp, some 'sex-factor' tips for you...

19/09/2016

It's reported in today's Sun newspaper that things got steamy at the boot camp celebrations. Got me thinking of the things you mustn't do if you want the 'sex factor' in your life.

Check these 'don't dos' out.

Have fun, Pam x

Is Renee Zellweger finally lucky in love?

18/09/2016

It seemed Renee was doomed to be too much like Bridget Jones...unlucky in love. I've commented in the Daily Mirror about why I think her relationship of the last two years may be the one that gives her lasting love.

I always love a happy ending! Pam x

5 fantastic positions for curvy women...

18/09/2016

Unfortunately in my line of work I hear from lots of amazing curvy women who are embarrassed in the bedroom about their bodies. It's important to embrace yourself and enjoy a good sex life.

In my Sun newspaper online column I've tackled this and here are some bedroom confidence tips plus 5 fantastic positions.

Enjoy, Pam x

6 signs she's attracted to your boyfriend...

18/09/2016

Oh dear, it's an age-old problem when a friend's attracted to your boyfriend.

In my Sun newspaper online column I've got some signs for you to check out – either to confirm your fears or put them to rest.

Plus a few tips for handling a friend in this situation.

Take care, Pam x
 

7 signs you're dating a mummy's boy...

02/09/2016

So many celebrity men are pictured taking their mothers to red carpet events it got me thinking about how many women I've met who have ended up with mummy's boys.

In my column in the Sun newspaper online today I've got 7 signs for you to check out that you might have met a mummy's boy. No fear, there are tips to turn it around.

Take care, Pam x p.s. I'm off to Florida for an adventure and hoping all are well and Hermine has passed through x

Want your ex back like Paolo Nutini did? Here are 6 tips to try...

31/08/2016

Rocker Paolo Nutini was in the Sun newspaper having got back with his ex-girlfriend model Amber Anderson.

Like Paolo, so many people regret a breakup, they want their ex back in their arms! So in my latest Sun online column I've got some subtle and not-so-subtle tips for you to try.

Good luck! Pam x

Having drunken sex? Try sober sex...

30/08/2016

With reports of how many people need/use alcohol to help them relax in the bedroom, it doesn't have to be this way.

Here's my comment about trying to sober up for sex.

Enjoy, Pam x

Could you be ripe for an affair?

25/08/2016

With the Lloyds bank boss in the papers for having an affair, could you be on the slippery slope to one? Would it really be worth it to devastate your present relationship?

Check these signs in my Sun newspaper online column. Put your energies into your relationship and if that doesn't work make a clean break before finding someone new.

All best, Pam x

Check this article if you watch excessive porn, it may have serious consequences...

25/08/2016

Research has found some young men experience erectile difficulties after watching lots of porn. Check out the signs you should watch for  in my Sun newspaper online column.

A little bit of porn goes a long way.

Take care, Pam x


You know what he's really thinking when you have sex...

24/08/2016

 
In my Sun newspaper column online I've taken the top things men think about when first having sex with you and exposed the truth for you!

Some are surprising.

All the best, Pam x
 

Crazy how many are having sex at work...

24/08/2016

The Sun newspaper asked me to comment on thse stories of people having sex at work. Check the link for their experiences and my thoughts.

Be careful with get frisky at work, Pam x
 


So looking forward to being back on Celebrity Big Brother BOTS 22nd August...

15/08/2016

I've been out of London so many days over August so it's been a disappointment to miss being on BOTS. But back again with Rylan on Monday xx

You don't need drinks to quash first-time sex nerves - tips for you...

13/08/2016

As a survey finds how many people use alcohol to relax before they first has sex, it doesn't have to be that way!

I've got some tips to you in this article in today's Sun newspaper online.

Take control, only have sex when you're ready and use those tips to calm any nerves.

Happy weekend, Pam x p.s. definitely try the exercise tip in the article - after a 2 hour hike this morning I feel relaxed and ready for anything. Exercise rocks in so many ways!

With two "romances" going on in CBB, will they last...

11/08/2016

With two sets of couples in Celebrity Big Brother many are asking if these are real romances or showmances. In my latest Sun newspaper online column I comment on them. What do you think I'll say? Check it out here.

Take care, Pam x

Why Celebrity Big Brother's Bear dominates the house...

09/08/2016

CBB has been hit by an extraordinarily controlling presence this year in the form of Stephen Bear. In my latest Sun newspaper online column I highlight what's going on with his behaviour.

I've never met Stephen but catching up on every highlight show - where he dominates the action - actually gives us a big window into his behaviour. Plus what's underlying it.

I wouldn't want to be in the house with him!

I'm absolutely loving Ricky (my winner) and Frankie when it comes to the guys and Sam's my favourite woman.

Due to being away I won't be back on Bit on the Side until 22nd of August – who knows how the land will lie in the house at that point?

Take care, Pam x

Hide-behind-fingertips age-gap flirting happened in Celebrity Big Brother - tips for you...

06/08/2016

What did I say to Rylan last Friday night? Car crash TV was heading our way with the new bunch of celebrity housemates.

Part of that car crash has been the age gap flirting between Marnie Simpson and Grant Bovey. Check out my latest Sun newspaper column for my thoughts and tips if you end up in an age gap relationship.

Happy weekend, Pam X

Dilemmas from he takes too long during sex to cash for wedding gifts and more...

03/08/2016

As always, my Magnet magazine column gets a wide range of questions. Check out the link if your man goes on and on in bed. Or if someone's partner is flirting with you behind their back, and if people you know want cash towards their honeymoon for a wedding gift.

The link takes a few seconds to open.

Take care of yourself, Pam x

Take advantage of National Orgasm Day...

31/07/2016

In my latest Sun newspaper online column I have some must-do steps to help you can reach climax.

I hope it's helpful if this has frustrated you or your partner in the bedroom.

Have fun, Pam x

 

Do you have anger issues like Megan McKenna did in the last Celebrity Big Brother?

30/07/2016

In my latest Sun newspaper online column I've got some anger management tips for you. Evidently Megan has been working on her anger issues – always a good thing.

Remember anger is a valid emotion, it's how you handle it that counts. I hope these tips are helpful to you.

Have a happy, anger-free weekend, Pam x

Friday night at Celebrity Big Brother....

30/07/2016

It was a blast wokring with the adorable Rylan Clark-neal out at Celeb Big Bro last night - the night after launch night. We covered quite a few topics but as always ran out of time for everything we hoped to cover.

What an array of personalities - it'll be a unique series to be part of.

Happy weekend, Pam x

Cara Delevigne supposedly joins mile high club maybe you should try a new location...

30/07/2016

In my latest Sun newspaper online column I've got some top tips for you to get out of the bedroom and have fun in plenty of other places.

As one survey found many partners secretly wish to have sex with their partner somewhere different.

Have fun trying, just don't get in trouble getting caught out, Pam x


 

Single and looking for love or just looking for lust? Check this...

24/07/2016

In my latest Sun newspaper online column I've got some fun tips for singles looking for fun flings are lasting love this summer.

Check it out to get what you want when you meet that new person.

Happy weekend, Pam x

Parents, if you don't have any time for intimacy, read on...

12/07/2016

A survey out last week found that 39% of parents only have an hour a day together. And that hour is mainly taken up by chores!

Lots of other stats from the survey point to the fact that parents are lacking physical intimacy.

No fear, in my latest Sun newspaper online column I've tackled this for you – please check out the tips.

Put some fun back in your life, Pam x

 

Is great sex with your ex putting you off your new partner...

08/07/2016

I hear from countless people who say the best sex they ever had was with an ex. It can cast a dark cloud over a new relationship, inwardly you freak out about things not being so great in bed with your new partner – even if you love that new partner.

Here's how to get the sex you want from you new relationship and laid to rest the ghost of sex with your ex.

Have a lovely weekend, Pam x

 

So many dilemmas: sex, he tells bad jokes and lending money...

05/07/2016

This month my Magnet magazine column is no different to previous months – such a variety of dilemmas to an answer.

So I've answered one about a man whose ex was much hotter when it comes to sex then his present girlfriend, someone who regrets loaning money to work colleague, and a woman's boyfriend who cracks really bad jokes.

Check out the advice if any of these apply to you. Please note this link takes a few seconds to open.

Happy Tuesday, Pam x
 

As Taylor Swift is never without a man, could you have man-reliant 'syndrome'?

04/07/2016

I've written a piece for the Mail online about the women who always have a man in their life. Although for some this doesn't reflect insecurities - that they don't feel 'whole' without a man - for many it might.

Take my quick quiz and check the advice to see how you can move forward if this is you.

Take care of you! Pam x

One woman says an affair saved her relationship I think there are better ways to save...

03/07/2016

The lovely team at Good To Know website asked me to comment about whether an affair can save a relationship. You can read one woman's story and my comments.
 
Hope you're having a great weekend, Pam x

 

As TV presenter Jodie Marsh goes celibate, tips to restart your sex life when you're ready...

01/07/2016


In my Sun newspaper online column I've picked up on the important message TV presenter Jodie Marsh has been giving out – that celibacy can be fantastic for you and your well-being.

But what about when you want to get back in the sex-saddle and be ready for a sexual relationship? I've got six must-know steps for you.

Good luck, Pam x

Heading on holiday or just in the garden? Don't land in the hospital...

27/06/2016

In the Mirror newspaper I've written about my horrible eight days in hospital after ignoring spider bites that got very badly infected.

Here's the story – pay attention if a bite starts to turn nasty.

Take care, Pam x
 

How to spot a womaniser in six steps...

25/06/2016

With two infamous womanisers in the news this week – Charlie Sheen and Shane Warne – how can you tell if you've come across one? No fear, I have six signs to look out for in my new Sun newspaper online column.

Choose a good one, not a man who'll break your heart.

Happy weekend, Pam

I think there needs to be lots of kissing and making up in Britain today...

24/06/2016

It happens to be the day that the most momentous decision for most of our lifetimes has been made. There are so many angry and upset people while others are very happy to chart a new course for our country.

It also happens to be National Kissing Day - so maybe some people need to kiss and make up.

I've written my Sun newspaper column with top tips to avoid kisses that are the kiss of death.

In the meantime we have to work together, the majority decided, that's democracy.

Take care, Pam x

Ten of the worst things you can do in bed...

22/06/2016

You know in my line of work I hear some horror stories from the bedroom. So in my latest Sun newspaper online column I've made a list of the ten worst things you should steer clear of.

Check them out and have fun!

Love from me x

With the news there may be a new pill from men who are too quick in the bedroom...

20/06/2016

There was news over the weekend that a pill may become available (not sure exactly when) for men who have premature ejaculation. Before you get overexcited you don't need to pop a pill to slow yourself down. Follow the six steps I give in my Sun newspaper online column and you can gain the control you want.

Take care of yourself, Pam x

As Taylor Swift gets close to new man Tom Hiddleston...

16/06/2016

If you could see my email-bag and how many emails I get from people worried about going to bed with a new love for the first time, you'd know this is a common worry.
 
No fear, in my Sun newspaper online column I've got some top tips for you.

Be confident, be ready and only have great sex, nothing less.

Have fun, Pam x

Last night's Big Brother was a blast...

15/06/2016

Being a guest on the last night's Big Brother's Bit on the Side was no different to any night – lots of fun, so much to chat about and Rylan Clark-Neal's the best host ever.

Sadly, never enough time to get through everything we want to but that's telly.

Happy Wednesday, Pamx

Do you fear your partner is cheating? Seven signs to watch for...

13/06/2016

In today's Sun newspaper online my column is about how Kelly Brook checks her boyfriend's phone to make sure he's not cheating.

You don't need to do that, check the seven signs that show they might be cheating.

Here's hoping they aren't.

Happy Monday, Pam x

Prevent the seven-year itch destroying your relationship...

10/06/2016

In my Sun newspaper online column today I've got seven steps to preventing the seven-year itch free you. This is a time so many couples break up.

Good luck trying them!

Happy weekend, Pam x

It was such fun out at Big Brother Wednesday night...

10/06/2016

For all you Big Brother fans you'll know how much I like chatting about the housemates' behaviour. This series has kicked off in a unique way! You may define 'unique' in many different ways.

Was such a pleasure seeing Rylan and the whole team. And I'm looking forward to being the Bit on the Side again next Tuesday, June 14th.

A big, big Big-Bro-style hello to all xx

Guys you can thank me for these thrilling thrusting tips...

04/06/2016

Check my Sun newspaper online column up to find out what women so often complain about – and how you can easily change that!

Have fun, Pam x

 

Sexual fantasies, bullying at work and OCD: your dilemmas...

04/06/2016


This month's magnet magazine column is no different from any other month – the variety of dilemmas we humans have is vast and varied.

Do check it out if sexual fantasies, OCD and bullying at work is a problem for you. Or even if it's not a problem! Please bear in mind the link takes a few seconds to open.

Happy weekend, Pam x


 

As Geordie Shore stars get personal on social media, five things to do...

03/06/2016

If you're going through a breakup it's far too easy to use social media to get back at your ex. Charlotte Crosby and Gaz Beadle have been going at it. Check my Sun newspaper online column for the five things you must do so you don't get into trouble.

Get revenge by moving on! Take care of yourself, Pam x

As vibrators hit the news, here are some things you must know...

28/05/2016

Vibrators have now been discussed within the usually more conservative Good Housekeeping pages. This got me thinking about some things you need to know about vibrators and how to maximise your pleasure.

All in time for the long weekend!

Have fun, Pam x

As Celeb Big Brother's Stephanie Davis and Jeremy McConnell hit the press again...

28/05/2016

In today's Sun newspaper online I've commented on the ongoing rollercoaster that is Stephanie Davis and Jeremy McConnell. If you're in a destructive love-hate relationship check it out.

Take care, Pamx

With research out about couples who don't communicate well, a few thoughts...

25/05/2016

A couple of pieces of research out this week about relationships reinforce some sad truths – many couples are in distress in their relationships, and many couples don't understand each other – they find it hard to decipher even simple things.

It got me thinking of this article I wrote a few years ago...

 

How To Decipher Male-Female-Speak

Psychologists continue their debate about whether women really do speak that much more than men. One camp showing women speak twice or three times as much and the other camps says there's no significant differences.

I say the real issue is not the volume of speech but what men and women mean when saying something. There's vast differences between the way we use language.

Here's my guide to deciphering some common phrases.

1. At the end of a row saying, "Have it your way, then!"

Men mean: "I give up, I don't have the will to continue this argument!"

Women mean: "I'll find a way to get my way later!"

 

On being bought a birthday present saying, "Just get me something simple."
Men mean: "Really, a tie or shirt is fine."

Women mean: "It better be something thoughtful and romantic!"

 

On the topic of drinking saying, "I’m concerned how much you've been drinking lately."

Men mean: "You’re no fun when you drink too much."

Women mean: "You're on a slippery slope to the street corner!"

 

When discussing sex saying, "We don't have as much time for sex as we used to."

Men mean: "I'm fine with quickies!"

Women mean: "You don't find me attractive anymore."

 

When discussing where to go on an evening out saying, "You decide."

Men mean: "Further debate will drive me mad!"

Women mean: "As long as it’s not something you know I won’t like!"

 

On the topic of cooking dinner saying, "Let me show you how I do it."

Men mean: "I'm the Hunter, watch me deal with the “catch”!”

Women mean: "You’re making a complete hash of it!"

 

2. On breaking-up with someone saying:, "You deserve someone better than me."

Men mean: "I'd rather play the field."
Women mean: "How can I let this boring git down gently?"

 

3. On spending time with the mother-in-law saying, "You enjoy some time with her on your own."

Men mean: "I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than spend time with your mother!"

Women mean: "She doesn't like me anyway so why should I put up with her?"

 

4. On seeing their partner struggle to do something saying, "Here, let me help you with that."

Men mean: "Honestly, it's not that hard to work a remote!"

Women mean: “What kind of man are you?”

 

5. When feeling stressed saying, "I just need a little time to myself."

Men mean: "For pity's sake don't bombard me with questions about what’s making me feel this way!"

Women mean: "Please give me a big, manly hug so I don't feel alone!"

 

6. After a tough day saying, "I hope we’re having a quiet evening."

Men mean: "I want a quiet evening!"

Women mean: "Let's talk about our days over dinner."

 

7. About spending time with your best friend saying, "I don't really enjoy Steven’s/Angela's company."

Men mean: "Give me the earplugs up - that woman drones on!"

Women mean: "He's such a bad influence on you!"

 

8. About doing the weekly shop saying, "No, do take the shopping-list, it’ll help."

Men mean: "Can you just stick to the list and not break the bank?"

Women mean: "Can you please not buy those random brands you do!"

 

And that's my final word on the subject. But being a woman what I really mean is I have about three other relevant angles I want to add!

 

Published in The Express Newspaper

Don't make it third time lucky like Eva Longoria, get lucky before the 3rd time around...

24/05/2016

As Eva gets married for the third time I wish her the best of luck. But to be truly lucky in love hopefully you can make it work the first or the second time around.

In my Sun newspaper column today I've got some must-know info for you. Especially if you have a repeat pattern of long-term relationships that fall apart.

Happy Monday, Pam x

 

Is it ever a good idea to let your partner stray? My comments for Good To Know...

22/05/2016

What with all the debate about letting partners stray, if you've lost your sex drive, Good To Know got in touch - they wanted my thoughts - I'm sure you can guess what they might be!

Hope you're having a wonderful weekend, Pam x

Looking for summer love? Check my top tips for Little Mistress...

21/05/2016

If you're looking for summer love I've got good news for you in my piece for Little Mistress.
 
Good luck, have fun!

Happy weekend, Pam x

 

5 things you must know about your sexual desire as Loose Woman Saira Khan gives...

19/05/2016

Loose Women's Saira Khan has said she'll give her husband permission to sleep with someone else since she's lost interest in sex. No, a 1000 times no!

In my Sun newspaper online column I'll fill you in on sexual desire - the red flags that lead to lack of desire and some tips to re-boost it.

Take care, Pam x

Hotheaded? Temper get you in trouble? Like Cara Delevigne?

16/05/2016

After reading how model and actress Cara Delevigne lost her temper at Eurostar customs, I wrote the piece full of tips for my Sun newspaper column.

Check out the 6 signs you've got an anger issue and what to do about it.

These problems need sorting out, Pam x

Calling all parents – are you searching high and low for your sex life?

13/05/2016

In my Sun newspaper online column today I've decided to tackle that age-old dilemma of parents gaining a baby but losing their sex life.

Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes have just had baby number 2 and it got me thinking about how even a Hollywood couple like them might be struggling for energy in the bedroom.

Here are some top tips for you parents.

Enjoy your weekend, Pam x 

Dilemmas, dilemmas, dilemmas in my magazine column...

10/05/2016

No two problems are alike. Proof of this is my Magnet magazine column this month.

Can't keep up in bed? Drama Queen? Competitive colleague? Then please check out the link (It takes a few moments to open)

Lots of love, Pam x

Beauty is skin deep...and more!

06/05/2016

Having worked on lots of confidence and body image projects I know how many women (and men) don’t feel beautiful inside.

One project found 2/3s of women stayed home from work once a month because they didn’t feel attractive enough to face the world - really shocking and sad - they didn't want to set foot outside! No one should feel that way.

And about 3/4s felt ‘friend-envy’ – that their friends were more attractive. With all kinds of implications for going out with their friends - the people you want to relax around most.

Such stats reveal a loss of emotional well-being, all to do with how you feel about your looks.

I frequently do confidence coaching to help people increase confidence and self-esteem. And one thing I know is that feeling attractive - and generally good about yourself - includes the skin-deep level.

When my skin feels good, healthy and shining, I feel better all round. It’s the same when you’ve had your highlights done or love a new outfit – it helps you feel at your best.

First, though, the foundation of confidence begins with inner confidence. So I have some self-esteem boosting tips for you. Then I’ll tell you about some Elizabeth Arden products I’ve just tried.

Boost your body image and confidence:

* Turn that harsh inner voice – your inner-critic - into a gentler one. Be aware when it starts telling you: I’m not good enough, I’m not attractive, I hate my body, nose, chin, face, etc.

Substitute it with a soothing inner-voice. Challenge negativity, replace with things like: I’m okay, I’m attractive, I’m going to accept myself.

*Make a list of your three top personal qualities – good sense of humour, you’re a caring friend, you work hard, etc. Post this list where you’ll see it every day – maybe your dressing table or desk.

* Stop focusing on your body and looks. Start focusing on making your life more enjoyable. Catch yourself thinking about your attractiveness/unattractiveness? Remind yourself then(!) that there are more important things. Start planning your next girls-night-out, next holiday, the career-training you want, etc.

* Learn what sets off feelings of low self-esteem. For instance, if your partner or boss criticises you, do you take it to heart. Do these triggers a self-critical mode? Challenge your reaction to things like criticism. Pull people up if they don’t give constructive criticism. Don’t just ‘take it’, discuss it.

*Expect more from how people treat you generally. Don’t accept 2nd class treatment, know that you deserve better. Tell people when they let you down.

* Stop beating yourself up if you don’t always do your best. No one does 100% of the time! Instead when you do well, give yourself some praise. But when you don’t have a great day, remember it doesn’t matter.

* Think of the person who makes you feel good. What would they say when you’re running yourself down? Imagine their pep-talk and that you need to believe it.

*Also when feeling bad about yourself, for whatever reason, give them a call. Or get out for a walk, go shopping, to the gym, just do the little things you enjoy.

I LOVE beauty products, I try everything from the least expensive to the most extensive ranges. I’m always looking for products that make my skin feel good and glowing.

So I was very happy when Elizabeth Arden sent me some of the Skin Illuminating range and Ceramide range to try*.

Let’s begin with the Skin Illuminating Night Capsules - lovely little capsules of a rich, sensual serum. Combined with the Skin Illuminating Day Serum, within a few days I had fallen for these.

The texture of my skin felt improved, highly moisturised and soft. And I loved the 'illuminating' quality of the Day Serum under my make-up.

Every few days I’ve used the Skin Illuminating Retexturizing Pads, too, as instructed. These have a wonderful effect of improving the top layer of your skin - mine felt gently invigorated and stimulated.

Yet the retexturizing pads aren't too harsh. Some products I’ve tried for this purpose have just been too strong for my skin to tolerate. I’ve come out in red blotches - not good – but not with this one.

After a couple weeks I moved onto the Ceramide range which has a very different feel to it. But again I loved the texture of the products.

The Ceramide Premiere Intense Moisture and Renewal Overnight Regeneration Cream is super luxurious. As it’s very rich - like a pot of velvet for your face - I’d take a small amount, warm it between my fingers and then stroke it over my skin.

Both the Ceramide Capsules Daily Youth Restoring Eye Serum and Ceramide Capsules Daily Youth Restoring Serum (face) had an easy-to-use feel. My skin felt enriched and nourished.

Plus the products have a real lasting quality. Unlike some products where within a couple hours you feel you need to top them up.

In fact with all of these Elizabeth Arden products I felt they lasted all day - or night - as relevant. It just shows the quality when you're not reaching for more product every couple hours.

I'm too busy during the day to top up a moisturiser but I hate that feeling with some ranges that they disappear instantly into your skin and you want more.

*Please note I wasn’t paid for this article.

Elizabeth Arden

10 DON'T do things for your vagina's happiness...

06/05/2016

In today's Sun newspaper online I've written a column about 10 don't do things to help your vagina. Follow these and keep it happy!

Enjoy this hot and sunny weekend, Pam x

As it's rumoured Beyonce and Jay Z have had what's called a silent separation...

05/05/2016

Could you be heading for a silent separation? Or are you and your partner in the middle of one? For today's Sun newspaper online I've commented on rumours that they're in the middle of a silent separation.

Check the 5 signs you need to know if your relationship is heading that way.

If you still care about your partner, look after each other, Pam

Beware: 5 signs you're ripe for an affair...

02/05/2016

In today's Sun newspaper online I'm giving you the chance to think about any flirtation you're having – when you're already in a relationship.

Ryan Giggs's marriage has crumbled with his alleged flirtations but that doesn't have to happen to your relationship.

Check out these 5 signs and do something about it if they apply to you!

Take care of your relationship, Pam x

If you're going to have sex with your ex then you should...

29/04/2016

For my column for the Sun newspaper online this week I'm tackling sex with your ex. Seeing that Katie Price revealed maybe she and Peter Andre should've got back together, made me think of all those couples who try to get back together.

Heck, if you're going to have sex with your ex – there's no point but to make it fun!

Whether you hope you get back together, or you just want some fun for old times sake, that's the point. Here are my tips to make sure it's fun at the very least.

Happy weekend, Pam x

The best and worst workouts before sex...

28/04/2016

Getting fit definitely helps your sex life. But take it too far to work out and you have no energy left over. Muscle and Fitness Hers magazine asked me to comment on this and here's the advice I gave them.

Keep fit, get healthy and have better sex life, Pam x

Talking sexting and cheating on Sky News Breakfast and This Morning...

27/04/2016

What do you think? Is sexting cheating on your partner? Looking forward to discussing a new survey with Eamonn and Sarah-Jane on Sky. Then if we can make it work I'll be on This Morning TV later too.

Love to know your thoughts, Pamx

15 things you don't know about sex...

26/04/2016

No one knows everything about sex though as its the most googled topic on the planet you'd think we would. For today's Sun newspaper online I've written about 15 things you don't know about sex – but should.

Enjoy! Pam x

A few top sex tips for you today...

25/04/2016

In today's Sun newspaper I've given a few of my top tips for you to have fun with. Some other sex writers and I put heads together to help you out in the bedroom and beyond.

Enjoy!

Happy Monday, Pamx

1st dates are so easily messed up – tips to avoid disasters in my Little Mistress piece...

20/04/2016

1st dates or a constant source of problems for singles. It doesn't have to be that way and in my article for Little Mistress (do check out their site – it's fantastic) I highlight some key things to be aware of on 1st dates - check the tips out.

I want your 1st date to be epic, not a epically bad, Pam x

 

Get clued up about sharing sexual fantasies...

15/04/2016

You know I like to give you the low-down on how to have better sex. Today's no different and in my Sun newspaper online column I've tackled things you need to know about fantasies.

Have a blast this weekend, Pam x

As it's revealed that David Gest gambled too much, do you?

15/04/2016

In the Sun newspaper online today I've written about 5 signs you need to check out that will spell out to you if you have a problem with the slot machines and/or other gambling.

Be honest with yourself, take care, Pam x

Dilemmas including he takes so long to ejaculate...

11/04/2016

As always my Magnet magazine advice column gets all sorts of questions. This month includes a man who is slow to ejaculate, a lazy colleague, and a woman who wants too much too soon.

If any of these dilemmas resonate with you then please check out the link. Bear in mind this link takes a little while to open.

Look after yourself, Pam x

She only sleeps with married men...

09/04/2016

I'm just out of an intensive week in hospital having been treated for a serious infection post suspected spider bites. Here's a little morning – if you get a bad bite don't ignore it. If it starts getting swollen do something about it.

Because I run 20 miles a week, stay fit, eat healthy, I just thought it would go away and one morning I woke up and was sent to A&E by the GP. That led to antibiotic IV drips and subsequent in-patient admission to a separate room so I wouldn't have contact with other patients and potentially catch something from them with my compromised health-situation.

That means over the last week I haven't done any work but towards the end of my hospital stay the Sun asked me to comment on this woman's story – she only has affairs with married men - a bad idea in my estimation – check it out here.

Enjoy your weekend, Pam x

Six things you need to know about oral sex...

01/04/2016

I thought I'd do a great public service today, in my column in the Sun newspaper online, by giving you some must-know info about oral.

I hope the tips lead to very 'happy' weekends for you all, Pam

The sexting chat I had with Rylan and Ruth Langsford on This Morning this week...

01/04/2016

When I was a guest of Ruth and Rylan's on Wednesday we all had pretty strong opinions about sexting and cheating as reported here in the Sun newspaper.

It generated such a big debate! Pam x

I'm taking your calls on ITV This Morning tomorrow, March 30th...

29/03/2016

I hope you join me tomorrow morning when I'll take your calls on sexting to someone who's not your partner and on cheating.

It's always great to speak to viewers and hear their stories.

Til then, Pam x

A little sexting can get you into big trouble...

29/03/2016

Off the back of radio and TV host Vernon Kay allegedly sexting behind his wife's back, I've commented in today's Sun newspaper on why people do these things.

If this rings bells with you I hope you'll take preventative measures!

Look after your relationship, Pamx


As CBB Jeremy gets therapy for his lovelife, is yours getting you in trouble?

18/03/2016

It's a good thing whenn people are open about facing issues. And if needs be honest about getting therapy for their issues.
 
Celebrity Big Brother's Jeremy McConnell's opened up about seeing a therapist for some his behaviour that took him into 'fling territory' - complicated and not helpful to his on-off relationship with fellow CBB housemate Steph Davis.

In today's Sun newspaper online I list six things that flag up your sexual behaviour could be fall into sex addiction.
 
Hope these tips help open your eyes to any issues in your sexual behaviour.

Have a lovely week, I'm off skiing in France, back Easter Monday, x

Is your partner as romantic as a house brick? Tips for you!

17/03/2016

All too frequently I hear "he'd be perfect if he was more romantic". None of us are perfect and we all have to try harder in our relationships. But sometimes we have to hint about what we'd like more of...like some lovely romance.

So in today's Mirror newspaper I've got lots of hints and tips for you to help drag romance out of him.

Good luck!

Take care, Pam x

Dating success in the big city!

15/03/2016

Don't know if you've ever checked out Little Mistress dresses and clothing – but I've done a piece for dating in the city for them.

If you're single, in the city, finding it hard to meet someone, here are some tips to get started.

Then that link also takes you to their lovely dresses and accessories!
 
Happy dating, Pam x

As Tom Hiddleston bares lots for A Sex Scene in The Night Manager...

14/03/2016

We can learn from that scene! If you're a fan of The Night Manager and Tom Hiddleston you probably enjoyed the last episode. Things got hot between him and fellow co-star Elizabeth Debicki.

Problem was it was actually a very short scene which got me thinking about how many men experience premature ejaculation. So just for you I've written about the five things you should never say to a man with PE for the Sun newspaper online.

Good luck, Pam x

Six things you must tell him about sex...

08/03/2016

In today's Sun newspaper online I've written a column about the things you must tell him about sex. Things every man needs to hear from a woman.

Go on, share away with him!

Have fun, Pam x

 

Have fun online dating but be safe with these tips...

06/03/2016

Here are some shocking stories from the darkest side of online dating plus my must-use safety tips in the Sun newspaper. Have fun dating but please keep safe!

Love, Pam x

10 of the worst things to do in bed...

04/03/2016

I hear about so many little - but annoying - things people do that really turn partners off. So I thought I'd be your bedroom 'help-mate' and enlighten you about what you should avoid between the sheets!

In my Sun newspaper online column today I've compiled this list of 10 of the worst put offs between the sheets.

Check it out, you have been warned...what not to do during sex!

Happy weekend, Pam x

Some top tips to flirt your way into the heart...

02/03/2016

After Sam Smith publicly got ticked off on Twitter by Dustin Lance Black about texting Dustin's fiance Tom Daley, it got me thinking about successful flirting.

In today's Sun newspaper online I have some top tips for you.

I feel for Sam, he's certainly been slammed on Twitter for text thing and engaged man – Tom - and over his Oscars speech.

Good luck with the flirting!

Have fun, Pam x

More dilemmas for my March column...

01/03/2016

In this month's Magnet magazine column there are a variety of dilemmas I've tackled.

From noisy sex to that boring colleague and more.

Check it out and I hope the advice helps. This particular link takes a few seconds to open.

Love, Pam x

Five things Cheryl and Liam must face for their love to last...

28/02/2016

You might've been surprised by reports that pop princess Cheryl Fernandez-Versini and 1-D's Liam Payne are in a relationship – I was.

In the Sun newspaper online today I point out five things they need to face if their relationship's going to work – good luck to them!

Take care, Pam x

DILEMMA: his dark moods worry me...

22/02/2016

In my Yummy Money Beauty column this month I tackle one woman's dilemma about loving a man but fearing his depressive and dark moods.

If this resonates with you I hope you'll check out her story and my advice.

Have a good Monday, Pamx


Moving in? Don't let your sex life move out on you...

20/02/2016

In my fortnightly sex and love column for the Sun newspaper online I've taken some stats from a survey about couples who move in together.

Lots of little things can cause stress and affect your sex life. Hope these tips are helpful to those of you who are just moving in together!

Love, Pam x

Six signs he's a womaniser...

19/02/2016

What with Leo DiCaprio cutting a swathe through beautiful women across town I thought about how many women get hooked into a womaniser's behaviour.

Check my piece in today's Sun newspaper online to help you decide if that new man is a womaniser.

Look after yourself, Pam x

I'm taking your calls on controlling partners on ITV This Morning Thursday, February 18...

17/02/2016

Please get in touch if you have a controlling partner or you can share your story of how you overcame a controlling relationship.

All of the details to get in touch will be on the This Morning website tomorrow (Thursday).

Take care of yourself, Pam x

All kinds of dilemmas....

17/02/2016

In my column in Magnet magazine this month I tackle such a variety of dilemmas – one woman's single girlfriend is emotionally blackmailing her. One man's engaged to a 'daddy's girl', and one woman's stealing from work.

Check out the link if any of these resonate with you – I hope the advice helps. A heads-up that the link takes a few seconds to open!

Look after yourself, Pam x
 

Here's a compatibility checklist for you and your partner...

16/02/2016

In today's Sun newspaper I've devised a quick compatibility checklist for you and your partner.

I hope you two see eye to eye on the 5 'F' factors of compatibility that I first wrote about 15 years ago: Family, Frienships, Finances, Fun and Leisure, and Friskiness (your sexual relationship).

Take care of your relationship, Pam x
 

They're getting frisky in Fleet, Hampshire

15/02/2016

I'm not surprised a survey's found that in some quieter towns like Fleet, Hampshire people buy more sex toys. Here's the story followed by my comment in the Sun newspaper.

Happy Monday and have a great week, Pam x
 

6 different sex positions to fulfil 6 different needs...

13/02/2016

In today's Sun newspaper online I've provided six very different positions to fill different desires – to fulfil a man on the smaller size's desire to have great sex, one for the body shy and four others.

Spice up your Valentine's!

Have fun, Pam x

You can have success dating in the big city! My Little Mistress article...

10/02/2016

Don't know if you've ever checked out Little Mistress dresses and clothing – but I've done a piece for dating in the city for them for Valentine's Day.

If you're single, in the city, here are some tips to get started.

Then that link will take you to their lovely dresses and accessories!
 
Happy dating, Pam x

Get that loved up feeling back - tips in today's Mirorr newspaper...

10/02/2016

I've given an interview to today's Mirror newspaper about how to feel loved up again and why sexual desire goes off the boil.

This is a vital concern, if more couples would work at rekindling things they wouldn't go to the pain and trauma of divorce. And if they have children involved they wouldn't traumatise their children.

I hope you'll check out the feature.

Hope your week's going well, Pam x

Some thoughts on Sam Faiers's relationship...

09/02/2016

Sam's a hard-working woman with lots on her plate – a whirlwind relationship and new baby. Having watched her new reality show the Sun newspaper asked me to comment on her relationship.

I don't know Sam so all I can comment on is what I see in the very personal revelations in their TV show and how people I've met with similar relationships have got on with things.

The most important thing is to listen to each other when things have hurtled at such a pace.

Take care, Pam

It was great to do the ITV This Morning phone in today...

08/02/2016

After Elton John made up with his mum Sheila (they hadn't spoken for 8 years) This Morning asked me to do a phone in about family feuds.

We heard from lots of people - there's never enough time to do every dilemma - but it's better to make it up rather than regret it when something goes tragically wrong. As with one caller who never spoke to her mother again after a rift before her mother died.

Be brave, be the 1st to say sorry, wishing you luck, Pam x

Hot, hot, hot fantasy tips...

05/02/2016

In my Sun newspaper online column this week I celebrated the new Milk Tray man.

Firefighter Patrick McBride has created quite a stir – he plays right into so many fantasies about handsome firemen.

I always aim to please for your weekend - so enjoy the tips and tricks! Pam x

It was so much fun doing one last Celebrity Big Brother expert slot....

04/02/2016

I had an absolute blast going to Big Brother towers and being a Rylan Clark-Neal's gasped last night on Bit on the Side show.

It's such a great team out at Borehamwood and I love every minute of being a regular guest.

Hasn't this been a crazy series?

We'll see who your winner is tomorrow night! I think it might be Tiffany or Stephanie although some of the others are my favourites.

Take care, Pam x

I hope you got the five-day sex and love pullouts...

04/02/2016

The Sun had fantastic sex and love pullouts for 5 days running this week. My daily contribution included an article on improving sexual desire, one on boosting bedroom confidence, one on interesting orgasm facts, one for people who want to make the most of dating, and one piece on weekend telling romance in established couples.

I hope you found their pullouts helpful!

We could all do with a bit of advice, Pam x

Why the new Celebrity Big Brother relationship is doomed...

31/01/2016

If you're a Big Brother fan you'll know all about Stephanie Davis and Jeremy McConnell "falling in love".

In today's Sun newspaper online I've written exactly why I did it is doomed to fail. Unless of course they take on board the good advice and celebrity housemates had been giving them and the bit of advice I throw in at the bottom of my article.

I wish them good luck, I just don't see a future as things stand.

Take care, Pam x

x http://tinyurl.com/grznhyf x

3 top signs to watch for if you think your partner is cheating...

26/01/2016

In today's Sun newspaper online I've got the 3 top signs to watch for if you think your partner is cheating. With the question mark over Harry Styles having a make up artist to stay, it made me think of signs that someone is straying.

Check this out if you're concerned.

I hope your partner isn't cheating, best wishes to you, Pam x

Celebrity selfies after a breakup reveal so much...

26/01/2016

In today's Sun newspaper I've checked the body language in lots of celebrities' selfies after they've been through a breakup.

Selfies reveals so much more than your physical self! And just like celebrities, your post-break up selfie may give your ex a big message.

Here's the link!

Hope you're doing ok if you've been through a break-up recently, Pamx

What really happened in Celebrity Big Brother knicker-gate?

25/01/2016

In today's Sun newspaper online I've taken a look at the crises over the weekend surrounding knicker-gate - check it out if you're a Big Brother fan.

All the best, Pam x

I have a competition/giveaway for three lucky winners!

25/01/2016


Check out my Twitter feed over the next 10 days for posts about the fun and sexy giveaway that Ann Summers are running!

To be in with a chance to win one of the 3 prizes, retweet my Tweet, then follow Ann Summers and me on Twitter.

The winners will be annoucned 5th, February. Always like to bring a little joy into people's lives!

Good luck! Pam x

Interfering sister-in-law is driving her nuts!

25/01/2016

In my Yummy Mummy Beauty column I tackle a mega-tricky issue between sister-in-laws.

If you've got a sister-in-law problem, check out the advice.

Take care, Pam x


Whats going on with Celebrity Big Brothers Gemma Collins?

22/01/2016

Gemma has created quite a stir in the house and not necessarily for the right reasons! In today’s Sun newspaper online I’ve looked at some of things behind her type of behaviour.

Take care, Pam x

0h for an easy sex life! 5 tips you need to try...

22/01/2016

Time short? Maybe also have children? Then you probably fall into the category of sex being just too difficult.

Just for you I’ve written my column for the Sun newspaper online with easy sex in mind. I hope the tips help you!

Happy weekend, Pam x

Forget the one night stand now people are having half-nighters...

19/01/2016

In today's Sun newspaper I've commented on the trend for half night stands - yep not even a whole night together!

It may work for some but there's a cautionary note in my comments.

Have fun but look after yourself, Pam x

Take my age gap quiz Will your relationship survive?

19/01/2016

For today's Sun newspaper online I've devised a quiz to check out your age gap relationship. With Gary and Danielle Lineker splitting over age gap issues – he feels too old to have more children and she wants more – it made me think how many people struggle with the pressures of age gaps.

Good luck, Pam x

 

Doing the psych slot on Celebrity Big Brother tonight...

13/01/2016

I'm beyond psyched to chat to Rylan Clark-Neal later today about what's happening in the Celebrity Big Brother house.

It's at 11 PM on Channel 5 here in the UK.

Lots of love, Pam x

He likes being humiliated in bed, problems at work and more...

12/01/2016

This month in my Magnet magazine advice column again I tackle a wide range of problems. From a man who likes being humiliated in bed (and his partner is a bit worried about it) to a woman who works for her sister and finds it very stressful and more.

Check it out - hope the tips help and please bear in mind this link takes a little while to open.

Take care, Pam x

My comment in the Sun newspaper when Cheryl and JB got married...

11/01/2016

Whirlwind Marriages

In nature whirlwinds burn themselves out and so do many whirlwind relationships. Couples plunge into them fired-up on sex hormones. This intoxicating sexual chemistry clouds their judgement and they don’t know each other warts-and-all before tying the knot.

Instead, they only think about how wonderful they feel together and with sceptical friends/family they might feel pressure to prove their love with marriage.

This doesn’t give time to lay foundations for the future. Because in future all couples face hurdles - job stress, family problems, ill-health, etc. When you expect everything to feel perfect it’s a shock to your little bubble when it doesn’t.

Couples like Cheryl and Jean-Bernard might also be fooled into thinking that as successful career people they’ll make equally successful personal choices. Not necessarily the case.

Also many feel it must be love because it feels good being utterly desired. It’s a wake-up call as the sexual chemistry diminishes and they risk thinking what on earth have we done?

Plus many aren’t prepared for thinking about the other’s needs - it’s no longer about ‘me’ but about ‘we’. Something that wasn’t considered when things were red hot.

I wish Cheryl and Jean-Bernard and other whirlwind-couples good luck but urge them to face future problems honestly. Raise issues when they develop, don’t sweep them under the carpet because of fears it’ll spoil what you have. Start communicating today over and above the ‘communication’ you share between the sheets.

Published in the Sun newspaper when Cheryl and JB got married

How to keep them wanting more...

08/01/2016

In my column in the Sun newspaper online today I've got tips for you to keep them wanting more. I saw Ashley James was probably trying to spark David Walliams's interest by posting snaps of her looking pretty damn hot in a gold micro-bikini. So I thought what other little ploys can people use?

But this is not about game playing! I never promote gameplaying.

Check out the tips.

Happy Friday, Pam x

In all my travels I've never posted a complaint about a hotel...

05/01/2016

Just back from a wonderful holiday in Cape Verde. Speaks for itself the fact that's the 3rd time I've been in four years.

But I will never return to the Royal Decameron hotel on Boa Vista Island. And this is a 1st for me, I'm always happy to complain about products that aren't up to scratch but I've never written a criticism of a hotel.

Would love to have made this an amusing, pithy, critique but instead I'll just lay it out straight for you.

Despite it being in beautiful grounds and in a lovely rustic style, I have many complaints. Here's a random selection (in case you're considering Cape Verde and want something in the four-star region, avoid this hotel)...

The 1st time I turned on the shower, the shower head broke off its fixture and came crashing down onto my head. Lucky only to have a bruised head - it missed my eye. It took a couple of hours for them to send a man to fix a new shower head...while I waited to finish my shower.

I hung a dressing gown up on the hook in the bathroom and it came crashing down onto the bidet underneath it  - hardly edifying! The hook-fixture literally came out of the wall. This is representative of the entire bedroom – everything was crumbling.

The shower area had multiple patches of fungus, it looks like it hadn't been properly cleaned in years.

We had to request they put drain cleaner down the drain on day 2 when the shower was filling up to our ankles.


The bed looked about 20 years old, we've never seen such a lumpy, hard bed in our numerous travels. It took about 8 or 9 requests over 24 hours to get a few blankets to pad it out by stuffing them under the bottom sheet.

The pillows were so old and limp and it also required 8 or 9 requests to get extra ones over a 24 hour period.

There was a startling number of cockroaches around the whole property but especially lining up around the restaurant every night.

Obviously in a hot place you expect the odd cockroach but this was incredible – completely unacceptable – and in our previous two stays at other properties in Cape Verde we didn't see one.

Two large tropical spiders emerged from behind the bathroom mirror and when we requested bug spray we had to go through a virtual battle over 5 hours when finally they brought us bug poison at 11 PM.

We did not want to pack up everything and change bedroom (which they suggested when they were resisting giving us any bug spray) because obviously the other bedrooms could have had the same problem and this was 2 nights before leaving.

The only reason I think they resisted getting bug spray is because the insect man used to come onto the property every morning and obviously they were going to have to pay him extra to come back after 6 PM when the spiders emerged. They were large and ugly and as far as we know poisonous seeing as we were in a tropical place.

Overall if you asked an employee politely to do something they would say yes and it just wouldn't happen. This was stress we didn't need on a holiday.

Sadly this attitude of say-yes-but-do-nothing spoils it for the few friendly employees we interacted with at lunch/dinner. Alsothe chambermaids were particularly friendly and hard working - seeing as they were cleaning up rooms that should've been redecorated/freshened up a decade ago.

Also the pool-side recreation staff were very good - enthusiastic and friendly.

Otherwise the staff seemed grumpy and discontented. There certainly wasn't a friendly holiday vibe around.

Please do go to Cape Verde just choose a different hotel to this one! Have fun, Pam x

What does their Christmas gift reveal about their feelings to you?

24/12/2015

In today’s Mirror newspaper I’ve written a revealing guide to Christmas gifts! Check out what that piece of jewellery, underwear, home appliance, etc., really means.

Happy Christmas to all, Pamx

 

Call me tomorrow Christmas eve!!

23/12/2015

Tomorrow I'm doing your Christmas survival guide with BBC radio presenter Mark Carter at BBC Sussex and Surrey! Join us from noon til 145pm for Christmas chat, fun, and I'll offer tips for any of your dilemmas.

Stay with Mark after that for a direct line to Santa for your children!

Can't wait to hear from you tomorrow at noon - Call 03459 570057. Text 81333, starting your message with the word radio or Email mark.carter@bbc.co.uk

 Til then have a great day! Pam x

Your Christmas doesnt have to be like a soap opera

21/12/2015

In today’s Mirror newspaper I’ve taken classic soap opera moments at Christmas, plus some new soap storylines, and offered advice that you might want to follow.

Too many people get in touch with me after Christmas saying theirs resembled a soap.

It doesn’t have to be that way, hope my tips help.

Please note I've asked the relevant editor at the Mirror to remove the line under the section on helping an alcoholic partner/relation at Christmas that says: No one wants a drunk to ruin the festive fun.

I'd never say anything so tactless about someone who has alcohol and/or substance issues. Hopefully that'll be removed from the website version soon although obviously it can't be removed from the newspaper.

These things happen with newspapers and magazines where suddenly they have a little gap and a sub-editor sticks in their own line. Sadly this time it doesn't reflect what i'd say.

Take care, Pamx

Flirting with your friend? Want more than friendship?

18/12/2015

So much of the chat around X Factor was about Olly Murs and Caroline Flack – will they, won’t they? In today’s Sun newspaper online I’ve written a column about turning a friendship into more.

Do check it out if you’re thinking of going there - it can be fantastic or a fatal blow to your friendship.

Have a great weekend, Pamx

Got your eye on someone at work? Seeing them at the Christmas party?

14/12/2015

Today in the Sun newspaper I've written top tips for you if you're attracted to a colleague and you'll see them at the Christmas party.

Hopefully these tips mean you get somewhere with this person and don't get blown out by them...so often happens at a Christmas 'do'. Hurt feelings the day after aren't fun!

Have fun flirting with them and maybe something will happen bewteen you.

Heading into the new year loved up is a wonderful place to be, Pam x

I had a blast on ITV's Good Morning Britain yesterday and here are some tips...

12/12/2015

It was fun to chat office Christmas parties 

yesterday

morning with Kate Garraway and Ben Shephard at Good Morning Britain. 

I hope you don't have any of the Christmas party catastrophes we heard about on the programme.

Here's my Sun newspaper article from earlier this week with lots of tips for you. There are still plenty of Christmas parties coming up in the next week – hope you find the tips helpful.

Happy weekend, Pam x

Have a blast at your Christmas party but avoid disasters with my tips...

09/12/2015

One of the top three problems I get in my email-bag in December is having made a fool of yourself at the Xmas party.

 Fool no more! Help is here to avoid office Christmas party disasters in my top tips in today’s Sun newspaper. Put them to work for you.

Happy partying, Pamx

 

Dilemmas about families at Christmas to sex and more...

07/12/2015

In my advice column this month for Magnet magazine, arguing between family members at Christmas features, as well as a woman with domination fantasies and also someone who's been passed over for promotion.

I hope the tips help if you are in any of these situations.

Take care of yourself, Pam x
 

Help! Im rubbish in bed!

04/12/2015

Yes I’d be proverbially rich if I had £1 for every time someone tell me they’re rubbish in bed.

Worry not because help is at hand in my Sun newspaper column.

Happy weekend, Pamx

A few thoughts on women and sexuality being fluid...

03/12/2015

In today's Daily Mail I commented on research about women's sexuality being quite fluid. Having spoken to countless women (and men) over the years about sexuality, for many I find sexual attraction is about the person and not the gender.

Here's the article.

Be true to who you are, Pam x

Help! What kind of Celebrity Am I?!

02/12/2015

In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on all the celebrities hanging out in that famous jungle right now. Check out my thoughts here. But please note I didn't write the title and subtitles - "bitch" isn't a word I use much!

Take care, Pamx

What's going on with small penis humiliation?

01/12/2015

In today's Daily Star I've commented on small penis humiliation. Check this out if it applies to you or you're interested in sexual fetishes and humiliation.

Take care of yourself, Pam x

Don't dump a good man because he's bad in bed...

27/11/2015

I was surprised when I Lovehoney survey found that a third of women have broken up with a man because he wasn't any good in bed. That's so sad if he was a good man otherwise.

Fear not, I have tips to turn his technique around in my Sun newspaper online column.

Happy weekend, Pam x

Starting to date? Here's a few boundaries to set...

26/11/2015

You should check out Respect Yourself – a fantastic resource for young people across many emotional and mental health areas.

I wrote a dating blog for them with some top tips – check it out if you're heading out to meet someone or hoping to meet someone.

Wishing you luck finding someone who deserves you!

Take care, Pam x

Join me today on ITVs This Morning programme

24/11/2015

The lovely team at This Morning and I have planned a fun Christmas-y item for today, Wednesday, November 25th. I’m excited because it’s my first Christmas item of the season – starting to feel in the mood for Christmas!

Hope you’ll join us, take care, Pamx

Get savvy with the new netiquette!

24/11/2015

Things change so rapidly with social networking. So in today’s Sun newspaper I’ve written a mini-guide for you - the new netiquette - especially if you’re attracted to someone online.

I hope you find the tips helpful!

Lots of love, Pamx

 

 

 

Seven steps to make sex in the shower red hot

20/11/2015

Taking a leaf out of the book of ITV’s Help I’m Celebrity I’ve got a fun column for you today in the Sun newspaper online.

The shower action in the jungle (mainly women but sometimes the guys too) is always anticipated – who’s going to flaunt themselves under the steamy shower?

In the spirit of good, clean, sexy fun I’ve got easy tips for you to try.

Happy weekend, Pamx

How to set boundaries on friendships...

18/11/2015

We always hope our friendships will be perfect – after all we choose our friends. But as with any relationship there can be problems.

Here's some advice on setting boundaries with friends in the piece I wrote for Respect Yourself (follow them on Twitter!).

Look after yourself, Pam x

Is he worth dating again?

17/11/2015

Seeing both Liz Hurley and Shane Warne and Lewis Hamilton and Nicole Scherzinger back out together made me think about how many people 'back-date' – go back and try dating someone again.

But in researching my latest book about dating, I heard so many stories of women wasting their time, going back for a few dates, and it all falling apart again.

So I devised a quiz to give you a little idea about whether he's worth dating again - I hope it's helpful and gives you food for thought.

Take care of yourself, Pam x

The 10 dos and don'ts to boost your sexual desire...

06/11/2015

I always aim to give you 'usable' tips in my Sun newspaper online column. This week it's to help boost your desire when so many people find they have a big fat zero level of interest in the bedroom.

Hope my top 10 tips help you find your desire.

Have a great weekend, Pam x 

Want to support a fantastic cause in Manchester November 21st?

06/11/2015

Please come to the GEM Appeal ball hosted by the fabulous Denise Welch. This fantastic charity raises money for genetic research into disorders that affect children and its valuable work needs your support.

I hope to see you there! For tickets and information please check this link.

Thank you, Pam x

Dilemmas, dilemmas, dilemmas an affair at work, comfort eating and zero sex...

04/11/2015

As always this month in my Magnet magazine advice column I've tackled a wide range of questions. From one person worried that a colleague's affair will lead to promotion, to a 31-year-old who lacks interest in sex, and emotional eating. I hope you find the tips helpful.

A reminder that this link opens quite slowly.

Take care of yourself, Pam x
 

When a University loan is abused to buy a boob job...

02/11/2015

I've commented today in the Sun newspaper on a staggering story - how one woman signed up for University loans only to spend them on a boob job and other cosmetic procedures. It's an unbelievable read.

Can't stand it when people take advantage of the system.

Happy Monday to all, Pam x

 

Halloween fantasies special - what your fantasy costume reveals about you...

30/10/2015

Had lots of fun writing my Sun newspaper online column for Halloween. Adult high-street retailer Ann Summers found there are some definite favourite fantasy role-play outfits. And for a little fun I've written about what they reveal about you.

Check it out -  hope the fantasy role-play tips help you have a red hot Halloween.

Happy weekend, Pam x

If you think you have, or know you have seasonal affective disorder, check this...

27/10/2015

In today's Mirror newspaper I've written an article about seasonal affective disorder or SAD.
 
It's crucial if your mood changes at this time of year to find out what the cause is. Please read it and answer my checklist of symptoms. I hope the advice is helpful.

You can take control of and manage your SAD - it doesn't have to control your autumn and/or winter.

Take care of yourself, Pam x

Guys you no longer have to be quick on the draw...

23/10/2015

Far too many men experience premature ejaculation – feeling humiliated themselves and leaving partners frustrated.

Help's at hand with my Sun newspaper online column. There are top tips that every man can put into action from today to slow himself down.

Happy weekend, Pam x

Chat with me today!

21/10/2015

I'm doing a relationship, sex and love special on BBC Surrey and Sussex radio tooday October 22 between 2 and 3 PM.

You can ring me on 03459 570057 between 2 and 3 PM - or a bit earlier to book your call.

We can of course change your name to protect confidentiality.

Looking forward to hearing from you then, take care Pam x

Want more than a one night stand? Tips to get more...

09/10/2015

There is an issue for many people about having sex too soon. They feel pressured and find it hard to handle. Or they end up disappointed that when they had sex too soon only to find the other person wasn't interested in seeing them again.
 
This can be so hurtful and obviously in my work I hear so many stories along these lines.

In my Sun newspaper online column today I’ve commented on the Shane Warne story where he didn’t act very ‘gentlemanly’, shall we say.

I’ve written top tips if you want more than sex, but worry that’s all he wants. And when you want to take your time and see if there could be more between you.

Take things at your pace! Happy weekend, Pamx

Online regrets? I bet you've had a few...

07/10/2015

Who hasn't divulged a little bit too much online and regretted it later? It's a lesson most of us learn but for others, who are more impulsive, they might end up with more regrets.

In today's Sun newspaper I've commented on the lovely Sheridan Smith and how many revealing posts she's made on Twitter about her love life. I have one very big tip in my comment - I hope you'll check it out.

Take care of yourself, Pam x
 

Dilemmas from fears of office gossip, to bad sex, to a controlling partner...

29/09/2015

No two dilemmas are ever the same and in my Magnet Magazine column this month I tackle three very different ones. If you're not getting the sex you want, worry about office gossip, or someone's controlling partner then do take a look.

This link does take a little time to open.

Look after yourself, Pam x

 

Discussing all things dating after 3 PM...

27/09/2015

BBC radio presenter Mark Carter discusses all things dating with me on his Sunday afternoon show on BBC Surrey and Sussex. We cover everything from first date nerves to how to make yourself more 'dateable'.

I hope you'll listen in or listen online for lots of tips.

Otherwise enjoy your Sunday! Pam x

Is your porn viewing a problem?

25/09/2015

In my Sun newspaper online column this week I've written about identifying whether or not porn is a problem in your life (take my quick "quiz"). I've also given six tips to keep it healthy part of your sex life and not let it get out of control.

Have a great weekend, Pam x

Want to kill off your sexual desire? Have twins...

24/09/2015

In my Yummy Mummy Beauty column I've answered one mother's dilemma about losing sex drive after having twins. Is that any surprise? As a mother myself I know how demanding it is on time and energy to have children - let alone when you have two at a time.

If this applies to you check my advice.

Take care, Pam x

My last trip out to Big Brother Studios tonight...

23/09/2015

Can't believe this crazy series of Celebrity Big Brother is nearly over. And that it's my last time on the psych-sofa with Rylan Clark... but tonight's going to be very special and all will be revealed.

Great big, Big Brother love, Pamx

Too young to lose sexual desire? Think again...

21/09/2015

In my Miss Independent Woman magazine column this week I've written about how younger women are losing their libido nowadays.

Do check it out for tips if this sounds like you.

Take care of yourself and take care of your desire, Pam x

We need to transplant the brains of 40 old women into 18-year-olds body confidence...

17/09/2015

It was lovely to comment in this piece in today's Sun newspaper about women who've developed more body confidence. Unfortunately it's taken them to their 40s to do so.

Here are their stories and my comment.

Value you for who you are and not your physique!

Take care, Pam x

It was fantastic to be back on the Celebrity Big Brother sofa...

14/09/2015

Last night it was a whirlwind of Celeb Big Brother chat with Rylan Clark and Carol McGiffin. Love doing that show and here it is.

Take care, Pam x

You can get the satisfaction you crave...

11/09/2015

In my Sun newspaper online column today I tackle how to get the sex you want. So many people have second rate experiences between the sheets. It doesn't have to be that way!

When the column goes live on their website I'll post it here.

In the meantime happy Friday, Pam x

From an online dating dilemma to shyness and infidelity

09/09/2015

This month’s Magnet magazine column had a wide variety of dilemmas in it. Please check the advice If those issues affect you. Sorry, the link takes a few moments to load!

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Your sexuality is not always set in stone...

05/09/2015

In today's Sun newspaper I've commented on research showing how many women have bisexual feelings. For so many their sexuality is not set in stone.

Take care, Pamx

Its World Sexual Health Day - tips for you

04/09/2015

With a huge rise STI’s in the UK over the last decade this is a great day to raise awareness to use condoms. In my Sun online column I’ve tackled the excuses men tend to use and tips to keep safe.

Have lots of fun this weekend but play safe, Pamx

Check the AntiBullying Pro and Diana Trust Back2School campaign!!

01/09/2015

Bullying is a massive problem and today the Antibullying Pro from the Diana Trust is spearheading a campaign to give advice to children going back to school this week.

You can support them by texting £3 (or more) to the text below and also post your schoolday's picture with an anti-bullying message.

Together we can fight bullying – no child should be bullied.

From my Twitter – Some #antibullying tips for the @AntiBullyingPro #Back2School campaign --> support them --> text ANTI15 £3 to 70070 pic.twitter.com/eGAycL5UXf

In a long-distance relationship? Don't become a breakup statistic...

29/08/2015

As Calvin Harris & Taylor Swift are in a long-distance relationship - and having spoken to many couples over the years who've been in them - I decided to write my Sun newspaper online column about keeping the lust (and love!) alive.

Obviously at first it's so exciting getting together but couples end up making some classic mistakes - here are some tips in my column.

Happy weekend, Pam x
 

Roll on Celebrity Big Brother excited to be on BOTS tomorrow night...

27/08/2015

It's set to be the clash of the titans with the UK versus USA housemates. Can't wait to join Rylan Friday night for some housemates' behaviour chat - always fun, fun, fun.

Love from your Big Brother behaviour expert, Pam x

Chatting dating and finding 'the one' with Anton Savage...

25/08/2015

It was so much fun joining Anton Savage today on his radio show at Today FM.

Lots of tips came out in our chat if you have a chance to listen here.

Happy dating, Pam x

Check the tips in my Cosmopolitan article about her c**k-blocking ways...

25/08/2015

When researching my new book about dating I sadly discovered there are some so-called friends who'll elbow you right out of the way when you're both single and looking for love.

Cosmopolitan asked me to write an article about such c**k-blocking - this might help you identify the friend you need to keep a watchful eye on around men.

My book tackles how to strengthen your genuine friendships and handle the friends who aren't really friends.

Look after your friendships, Pam x

Handle with care when introducing your children to your new partner

24/08/2015

It’s an exciting time for you after a divorce or break when you meet someone you really like. I’ve written about this for my Yummy Mummy Beauty column – please check out my advice for how to introduce your children to your new partner.

Good luck, I hope it goes well, Pamx

From his colleagues miniskirt to her boyfriends body odour dilemmas

18/08/2015

This month in my Magnet Magazine self-help column I cover a wide range of agony aunt style problems. If you don’t know how to tell someone about their body odour, are stressed out, or think your colleague’s skirts are too short then check it out.

It takes a moment to load the link but I hope the tips help!

Take care, Pamx

 

 

Four couples give up something to gain a better sex life...

15/08/2015

In today's Sun newspaper I've commented on how four couples have given up very different things to regain their sex life.

Definitely check it out if you're a couple and things have slipped between the sheets - instead of you slipping between the sheets.

Happy weekend, Pam x

Going on a first date? You must check out the 10 top vibe killers...

14/08/2015

When interviewing singles and gathering research for my new book I can't tell you how many first dates ended in unhappiness.

So often one person thought they'd had a good date and then never heard from the other person again.

If you're going on a first date check out 10 top vibe killers to avoid in my Sun newspaper column.

Have a fantastic first date and happy weekend, Pam x

Lovestruck.com competition to giveaway two copies of my new dating guide!

13/08/2015

The lovely people at Lovestruck.com have two copies of my new dating guide The  Laws of Sisterhood – The girlfriends' guide to successful dating and finding the one to giveaway!

All you have to do is retweet their competition tweet - it's that easy!

You can find their competition tweet on my timeline on twitter (my twitter is on my homepage) - or do check out theirs - good luck! Pam xx

How to get yet the sex you want when first dating...

13/08/2015

So many people contact me as a self-help expert saying they wished they'd asked for the sex they want when they first went to bed with that new person in their life.

But they end up contacting me because they just don't know how to turn things around - and now they're in a relationship...and they're having bad sex.

Check out my article for Lovestruck.com and get the sex you want when you finally decide to go to bed with that new person.

Take care of yourself, Pam x

 

Some age gap relationships thrive and this couple is proof...

13/08/2015

Recently I spoke with the broadcaster John Stapleton on LBC radio about age gap relationships and how they fall apart far more quickly than non-age gap ones.

In the Sun newspaper this week I commented on one very happy age gap relationship. But I also include the three main reasons why they fall apart – check it out if you're in one.

Lots of love, Pam x

Coping with a horrific murder...

13/08/2015

I'm asked to comment on a lot of stories in the Sun newspaper as their relationship expert. Today have commented on it particularly horrid story of murder and how one woman is trying to cope.

I've commented on how much support she needs. There is never enough room in the paper to go into detail but I hope she continues to get support from friends and family.

If you're grieving for someone never under estimate how much time it might take and how much support you might need.

Take care of yourself, Pam


Divorced and want to get back on the dating scene? Ten top tips for you...

10/08/2015

It's tough when you come out of a long relationship - maybe you're divorced, widowed or heartbroken after a committed relationship finished.
 
Despite the heartache at some point you'll want to get back on the dating scene. Please check out my top 10 tips in the Daily Mirror.

Good luck and look after yourself, Pam x

Some age gap relationships thrive...

10/08/2015

I've commented on one very happy age gap relationship story in the Sun newspaper - but check the three main reasons why they fail in my comments at the end of the story.

Go in with your eyes wide open when there is such a big gap.

Take care, Pam x
 

Make sure National Orgasm Day isn't an anticlimax for you...

31/07/2015

In my column in the Sun newspaper online I have got tips you can't miss to make sure you reach orgasm. So many women have difficulties doing so during penetrative sex.

I also have a piece in the Sun newspaper with top tips to give your guy a fantastic climax - so he doesn't feel left out.

Have a climactic weekend! Love Pam x

A traumatic story of stillbirths...

29/07/2015

This week I commented in the Sun newspaper on a truly traumatic story of stillbirths that were hidden by a woman. Discovering them had a painful and heartbreaking effect on her family.

Here's the link and at the bottom of the article are links to Saying Goodbye and Sands - both organisations can help you with miscarriage, stillbirth or an early infant death.

Look after yourself, Pam x

With the Ashley Madison scandal in the news tips to get over an affair

22/07/2015

In the Sun newspaper today I’ve given a 10 point plan on how to get over an affair.

I hope you find the tips helpful, look after yourself and partner, Pamx

 

 

Sex tips for lazy lovers...

21/07/2015

In my Sun newspaper online column on Friday I provided tips for those who are feeling a bit lazy in this sometimes very hot and sometimes muggy summer weather.

I hope you enjoy them! Pam x

 

See you at Latitude Festival tonight (Thursday 16th) - my love and sex talk is at 9:25 PM...

15/07/2015

I'm so psyched to give a talk tonight at 9:25 PM, Thursday 16th July, on the opening night of Latitude Festival.

I'll be at the literary arena and as well as giving lots of love, relationships and sex tips I have some fun giveaways and I'll answer your questions that you can submit anonymously.

Please feel free to submit your questions to my homepage here where it says 'email me' and put Latitude in the header.

Get your tickets here!

Can't wait to see you there, love, Pamx

Are you more likely to breakup in the summer?

14/07/2015

In today's Sun newspaper I've commented on a story about how many breakups happen in the summer. There are some reasons that make a summer break up more likely - check out the story and my comments.

Look after your love life, Pamx

She has body image worries that stop her enjoying sex...

13/07/2015

Body image worries are rife and they affect people in so many ways. I tackle this dilemma in my Yummy Mummy Beauty column. I hope you find the advice helpful.

Look after yourself, Pam x

 

Seven tips to cheat proof your relationship...

12/07/2015

I get asked so often for advice on how to prevent cheating. Sadly it's rife but here are some tips in my Sun newspaper column.

Take care of your relationship, Pamx

Had a blast at Big Brother's Bit on the Side last night....

09/07/2015

I think last night may be my last trip out to the Big Brother studios of this series. I feel so sad as Rylan is just the best to work with and the team out there are fantastic.

It's always tough to get across everything I want to say in a short time when there are so many questions to answer and all of the housemates have such complex personalities (as we all do). But I try my best!

I look forward to contributing to these celebrity series later this summer.

Take care to all Big Brother fans, Pam xx

Make time for sexbefore it becomes a problem in your relationship

03/07/2015

I can’t tell you how many people tell me they don’t have any time for sex and it’s no surprise how many couple drifts apart. Because usually not having time for sex also means not having time for loving cuddles and looking after each other and your relationship generally.

In my Sun newspaper online column this fortnight I’m offering you some tips if you’re complaining you don’t have time for sex.

Good luck with them and have a lovely weekend, Pamx

Shes phobic after being mugged and hes shy in the bedroom, more dilemmas

02/07/2015

In this month’s Magnet magazine column I’ve tackled a variety of dilemmas as always. No surprises one woman feels vulnerable after being mugged and a man’s feeling shy in the bedroom. Those issues plus technology coming between a couple.

FYI the link to the column takes a little time to open.

I hope the tips are helpful if you’re experiencing any dilemmas like these.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

A fun giveaway for two courtesy of The Overnight and Lady Prelox!

01/07/2015

Natural desire booster and pleasure enhancer Lady Prelox has teamed up with the summer's hottest new comedy to offer a sexy summer giveaway.

The Overnight has just been released in cinemas across the UK, telling the story of a seemingly
innocent dinner party that turns into a night of seduction and temptation when two couples get
together.

To celebrate its release one lucky winner can get their hands on a pair of tickets to see The Overnight, two luxury The Overnight bath robes and T-shirts and two packs of Lady Prelox!

This giveaway is worth over £180!

Head over to Twitter @DrPamSpurr (on my homepage), retweet the giveaway and follow me and
@LadyPrelox to have a chance to win. Don't forget to check #TheOvernight too!

The giveaway-competition runs from Wednesday 1st July until a winner is randomly selected and
announced by Friday 3rd July.

Good luck! Pam x

He brought his mistress to his daughter's 18th birthday party...

30/06/2015

I always think I've heard it all when it comes to love cheats but I've commented on this story in today's Sun newspaper that takes the cake... sadly the birthday cake.

One man took his mistress to his daughter's 18th birthday party and it was shortly after that his wife discovered who this mystery woman was.

The lesson of this story is to listen to your intuition because the wife already suspected but had swept her suspicions under the carpet.

Look after yourself, Pamx

Come to my Latitude love and sex talk with the Tombola of Trouble and the Fun Box...

27/06/2015

I'm so psyched to give a talk at 9:25 PM, Thursday 16th of July, on the opening night of Latitude Festival.

I'll be at the literary arena and as well as giving lots of love, relationships and sex tips I have some fun giveaways and I'll answer your questions that you can submit anonymously.

Please feel free to submit your questions to my homepage here where it says 'email me' and put Latitude in the header.

Get your tickets here!

Can't wait to see you there, love, Pamx

Grey is the new black in the bedroom

19/06/2015

You must’ve heard EL James has her new book out called Grey - taking the ‘Fifty Shades’ trilogy  the next step. So I’ve written my column in the Sun newspaper online in honour of a little spanking good fun.

Hope you have fun with the tips over the weekend.

Enjoy, Pamx

Hope to see you at Latitude July 16th - come to my talk...

17/06/2015

I'm really excited to be part of the Latitude literary stage and if you're going to the festival please pop along to my sex and love talk 9:15 PM Thursday, July 16 – the first night of the festival. That's the link to check out the festival, the lineup and to get tickets.

Take a break from music and comedy and I'll give you some must-have tips to use in your relationships.

It's going to be fun, Pam xxx

Inside the mind of Christian Grey

15/06/2015

International bestselling author EL James has her new book coming out this week. Grey tells Christian Grey’s side of the story.

The Sun newspaper asked me to comment on what Grey’s psychological profile might be.

Here’s what I say in my pretend report - including the type of specialist I would refer him to if he crossed my path.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Dont buy into the myths about orgasms

12/06/2015

There are so many myths swirling around out there that make people feel less than adequate in the bedroom.

So I’ve tackled 10 of them top ones in an article for Yahoo! Lifestyle - hope you stop buying into these and improve your sex life.

Happy weekend, Pamx

Going back to the Big Brother studios to chat to Rylan Clark Thursday June 11

10/06/2015

I’ll be back in the Big Brother’s Bit on the Side hotseat with Rylan tomorrow night.

Hope you’ll check it out Thursday, Channel 5 at 11 PM… We’re going to have so much fun - a great item planned.

Take care, Pamx

She lets her husband sleep with other women...

09/06/2015

I comment on a lot of stories in the Sun newspaper and today is quite an eye-opener. It's about one woman allowing her husband asleep that women.

Check it out - I have some thoughts on ground rules she should set.

Who are we to judge people who have open relationships? But it has to be done without pressure - one partner can't pressure the other into it.

Look after your love, Pam x

Hes on the small size, a political rift and more dilemmas

08/06/2015

Every month I tackle a range of dilemmas in my Magnet magazine column. This month the variety is as great as ever and if you’re in these situations I hope the tips are helpful.

And if you’re not facing these dilemmas it can still be interesting seeing what others go through.

Please note their link takes 10-15 seconds to open.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

 

Join me on ITV This Morning for a phone in on critical partners...

05/06/2015

Delighted to go into This Morning to do a phone call on handling critical partners. They can sure undermine your confidence!

Also it's time to make time for sex when you’re pulled in 1000 different directions…

As various surveys show that far too many career women (and men) have little time for sex I’ve written about this in my Sun newspaper online column today.

Please do take time to check out the tips if you’re in a relationship but you feel there’s no time left for slipping between the sheets.

Put some these tips to work for you this weekend and have fun, Pamx

Joining Rylan on Big Brother's Bit on the Side tonight...

04/06/2015

It's going to be a blast talking about the Big Brother housemates tonight with Rylan Clark. It's 11 PM on Channel 5, hope you'll join the fun.

Lots of love, Pamx

Make that office romance work for you

03/06/2015

Meeting a potential love-interest at work is still one of the top three ways that singles hook up. But as with any dating scenarios, workplace romances need some special considerations.

Check out the tips in my Yahoo! lifestyle article - here’s hoping it works out for you!

Take care, Pamx

 

Could your bedroom confidence do with a kick in the right direction?

01/06/2015

One of the most common questions I get asked is how can I get more confidence in the bedroom? So it seemed logical to write up some top tips for Yahoo! Lifestyle.
 
I hope these tips help boost your confidence to get what you want between the sheets… or on the kitchen table, or perhaps in a sexy shower together.

Enjoy, Pamx 

He married her for a visa and then betrayed her

28/05/2015

I comment on a lot of heartbreaking stories in the Sun newspaper and today is no different. But mostly what I comment on today is how you need to listen to your gut instinct if someone is rushing you – like down the aisle in this woman's story.

Nature gave us our intuition, listen to it as it will rarely fail you.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Give your love life a boost with my sexy spring GIVEAWAY!

27/05/2015

The lovely people at Ann Summers and Lady Prelox have the perfect giveaway to give your love life a lift in time for summer.

You know I always provide lots of sex tips to try here on my website but sometimes our busy lives can leave us a little lacking in desire. That’s where natural libido booster Lady Prelox can help. The natural supplement can also give you more pleasure in the bedroom. Find out how here.

WIN two packs of Lady Prelox (RRP £37.95 per pack) and a sexy summer goody bag including a silicone curved rampant rabbit and blissful bubblegum juicy lube courtesy of Ann Summers.

This giveaway is worth £132 in total for one lucky winner!

Head over to my Twitter @DrPamSpurr (on my homepage), retweet the giveaway and follow me and @LadyPrelox and @Ann_Summers to have a chance to win it.

The giveaway-competition runs from Wednesday, May 27th until a winner is randomly selected and announced on Friday May 29th.

Good luck! Pamx

Check out these cute penguins...

25/05/2015

Oops... not a sure foot between them!

I filmed them in the Galapagos Islands by chance x

Enjoy a sizzling bonk holiday...

22/05/2015

The bank holiday weekend has given me a chance to have some fun with my Sun newspaper online sex and relationship column. Hope you enjoy my bonk holiday tips.

Aiming to give your bank holiday some sparkle, Pamx 

Come and join me at Latitude Festival for my sex and love workshop...

21/05/2015

I'm so excited to be part of the Latitude literary stage and I hope if you're going to the festival you'll pop along to my sex and love workshop 9:15 PM Thursday, July 16 – the first night of the festival. That's the link to check out the festival, the lineup and to get tickets.

Take a break from music and comedy and I'll give you some must-have tips to use in your relationships.

It's going to be fun, Pam xxx

Her parents want grandchildren, a foot fetish and more dilemmas

21/05/2015

Each month in my Magnet magazine column I tackle a range of dilemmas. (Btw, this link takes 20 seconds or so to load)This month is no different and if you’re in these situations I hope the tips are helpful.

And if you’re not facing these dilemmas it can still be interesting seeing what others go through.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

How to handle the man in your life if he's emotionally distant...

20/05/2015

Many men are every bit as good as women at expressing their emotions... and not all women are great at expressing them.

However, on the whole research shows more men struggle with expressing themselves at an emotional level than women.

I've written about a few of the main reasons why this is so and included some tips on how to handle this and deepen your relationship in this Yahoo lifestyle article.

Maybe some of this will resonate with you and your situation. Good luck, Pam x


Back on Big Brother's Bit on the Side and my surreal chat with Russell Brand

19/05/2015

It was fantastic to join Rylan Clark on the Big Brother spin-off show last night despite having half a brain from jetlag. Over 30 hours I had five flights to get back from the Galapagos Islands to London on Sunday – a personal record for flying.

Here’s the link to the Russell Brand podcast (episode 21) when I was his guest – I join him and Matt for the last quarter hour chatting about random things from Arthur the allergic cat to sexual abstinence...a bit surreal!

Take care, Pamx

The Royal baby has many parents thinking about their sex lives after baby arrives

01/05/2015

Becoming a parent is one of the most rewarding experiences in life. And yes you’re on your knees with exhaustion but you realise how blessed you are to have a child.

Sometimes the birth of a baby can lead to a couple growing apart in the bedroom. In my Sun newspaper online column today I’ve written lots of tips to help you keep the sizzle in your sex life once you become parents.

I’ll post a link later when it goes live on their website.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

New mothers often worry about tightness after giving birth...

29/04/2015

If you're concerned about your pelvic floor having recently become a mother then do check out my latest column for Yummy Mummy Beauty.

I answer a dilemma about this and there's lots you can do!

Even if you haven't had a baby you should use these pelvic floor exercises - for sure - pelvic floor strength gives you better orgasms.

Look after yourself and your body, Pamx

Did you dream of something a bit steamy last night? Were you surprised by it?

28/04/2015

People are often surprised, embarrassed even, by their sex dreams. Let me reassure you 99% of them are absolutely harmless and don’t indicate any underlying issue.

I’ve written an article on some common sex dreams themes and their meanings for Yahoo! lifestyle. Check it out and be reassured.

Happy dreaming, Pamx

 

Seven things you shouldnt say to him in bed

22/04/2015

We women credit ourselves with our tact but actually we can be just as bad men when it comes to saying the wrong thing in the bedroom.

I’ve tackled a few of the most common culprits in my Yahoo lifestyle article - check them out so you’re not caught out.

Think before you say it, Pamx

 

Sex sells - the 1bn industry of infidelity...

20/04/2015

There is a huge industry is infidelity with websites aimed at creating opportunities for married people to cheat proliferating. You can guess my thoughts on this one!

I was happy to give some quotes to my friend Helen Croydon for her article in the Independent newspaper.

Why not put the energy you plan to put into cheating into your own relationship?
Don't neglect a relationship that you could make better, take care, Pamx

The 10 top turnoffs to avoid when you want to turn someone on! Plus GIVEAWAY

17/04/2015

Who hasn’t seen the Madonna clip where she gives Drake the surprise kiss of his life? I think Madonna's amazing but this wasn’t her best moment.

In my Sun newspaper online column today I’ve listed the 10 top turn offs that many have confided kills the moment.

Hope the tips help you the next time you get lucky.

Plus there’s a fabulous giveaway for two lucky readers from the lovely people at Ann Summers.

Always aim to help you have a happy weekend J Pamx

Her daughters Godmother betrayed her

14/04/2015

As you know love cheats get a big thumbs-down from me. There is always a better way to sort out unhappiness in a  relationship. You don't do it by going off and trying to find happiness behind your partner’s back.

In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on one sad and sorry tale. If you’ve been betrayed recently maybe it will resonate with you.

Look after yourself, Pamx

Does your partner's ex use their children to control your partner...

13/04/2015

Sorry it's taken me a while to post a new dilemma - work's been far too busy. Thanks for all your questions. I've posted a dilemma that's all too frequent.

Check out this woman's situation on my homepage at dilemma of the week. She's living with her partner but isn't allowed to spend time with his children from his previous relationship.

It's a tough one but can be overcome, take care, Pamx

He does all the work in bed!

10/04/2015

Sometimes people end up doing all the work in bed because the other person hasn't a clue where to start.

Inwardly the partner making the effort thinks: "I wish they'd take the lead, I wish they'd show me what they like," and all those kinds of things. Frustrating!

In my Miss Independent Woman Magazine column I've answered one woman's question about this today. Check it if you're shy of letting go in the bedroom.

Happy Friday, Pamx 

The holiday jobs that can end in disaster

10/04/2015

It seems a blast when you bag a holiday destination job like looking after guests in a serious party zone in Ibiza. Obviously it’s lots of fun – the sun, sea and of course sangria.

The problem is when does the party end? In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on some ‘Seasonnaires’ as they’re called. For many, the holiday dream job can become a nightmare. 

Check it out and be aware of long term consequences if you’re going to a holiday destination for work this summer.

Enjoy it, have a blast, but take care at the same time, Pamx

Are you struggling with sexual desire? Let me tell you about Lady Prelox

09/04/2015

I recently came across a new product for female desire and pleasure called Lady Prelox. While we often hear stories of women enjoying their sex lives, others need a little boost.

I was surprised to learn that Lady Prelox is 100 per cent natural. The ingredients work together to improve blood flow and reduce tiredness, helping to give you the desire for sex, even after a busy day at work.

Does it work? More than 200 women have tried it in clinical studies and the results have been incredible. Better orgasms, less pain and discomfort during sex, more lubrication and increased libido are just some of the benefits women have reported.

Men have long benefited from a 'blue pill' to boost their desire. Lady Prelox is different. It is a daily supplement to improve sexual well-being.

I’ve always had good levels of sexual desire but Lady Prelox invited me to try it. Although I didn’t need sexual desire boosted, I definitely felt energised.

I’m now consulting to Lady Prelox about sex and relationships and suggest you take a look at their site here for full information or follow @LadyPrelox. And if you decide to try it, let me know what you think. You can drop me an email on my homepage. 

If you’ve read any of my articles about sex and relationships you’ll know I always advocate a holistic approach to problems with sexual desire. My articles often highlight the key factors everyone should consider when they just don’t feel in the mood anymore. The first is your relationship – if you and your partner argue a lot, don’t spend much time together, etc., you won’t be in the mood anyway.

Or if you’re managing medical issues like diabetes it can definitely dampen down desire. Also any medication you’ve been put on may well affect sexual interest.

I don’t want you to forget lifestyle choices – if you’re working 24/7, or drinking to excess, not getting enough sleep, even smoking – those things definitely affect sexual desire.

Look after yourself at each level of your life. And if you’re concerned about your health in any way please talk to your doctor.

Take care of yourself, Pam x

Dilemmas, dilemmas from sex parties to a colleague who turns the air blue...

08/04/2015

It's that time the month and my Magnet magazine life coaching column is out. Today I tackle four very different dilemmas - from sex parties to a sweary colleague. If one touches your life I hope the tips help.

A quick reminder that the Magnet page takes a minute to load.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Calling all parents who want to reconnect in the bedroom

07/04/2015

In my life coaching and agony column for Yummy Mummy Beauty I’ve tackled one woman’s dilemma about reconnecting sexually with her husband. She feels like it’s the “first time” again.

If you’re in this situation – and you could be reconnecting over something else, even after a separation or something like that – I hope the tips helpful.

Keep loved up, Pamx

Advice for your new relationship plus gorgeous GIVEAWAY

04/04/2015

Pictured recently in the Sun newspaper, Calvin Harris and Taylor Swift couldn’t hide the sexual chemistry that sparkled between them. It’s obvious they have a real attraction but only time will tell if it fizzles out as quickly as it started.

In my Sun newspaper online column today I have tips for making sure you get what you want in the bedroom with your new lover. You’ll see the statistic of how few people actually ask for what they want.

This is the perfect time though - no faking, no fudging, there are ways to get great sex from the start.

Plus the lovely people at Ann Summers have given me two fabulous limited-edition vibrators for two lucky readers.

A happy weekend guaranteed if you’re in a new relationship - plus good luck with the giveaway!

Take care, Pamx

Starting her attacker on Facebook gave her the courage to report the sexual assault...

03/04/2015

There's a traumatic story in today's Sun newspaper there about one woman who was attacked and eventually reported the sexual assault to the police. In my comment and advice I urge anyone to get support and report any sexual assault.

I hope her story is helpful to you and gives you courage if you are in this situation.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

ITV's This Morning phone in on love cheats

02/04/2015

It was great to get into This Morning television to chat about betrayal and adultery. There were so many calls and no way in the short amount of time we had could we cover them.

So I’ve posted an article under “hot off the press” on my homepage that had tips to help prevent affairs that was written for Sun Woman.

I hope the tips are helpful – prevention’s always better than cure.

Look after your relationship, Pamx

The smart girls guide to putting the sizzle in your sex life

31/03/2015

Yahoo! lifestyle channel wanted some hot tips for spring so I wrote an article for them with lots of tips to spice things up. Please do check them out because there are also a couple crucial ones about getting in the right mindset to improve your sex life. 

Enjoy! Pamx

Sexy Spring GIVEAWAY courtesy of Lady Prelox and Ann Summers!

25/03/2015

It's finally spring! And as I said in my latest Sun newspaper online column, there is no better time to liven up your sex life.

One of the tips I include is checking out the supplement Lady Prelox - a completely natural product designed to increase your sexual desire and pleasure, you can do just that!

I've teamed up the lovely people at Ann Summers and Lady Prelox to celebrate a sexy start to spring for you.

WIN two packs of Lady Prelox (RRP £37.95 PER pack) and a sexy spring goody bag, including a Rampant Rabbit The Golden One Special Edition and The Lubricating One lube from the sexy people at Ann Summers plus a luxury milk chocolate Easter Egg filled with Pink Marc de Champagne truffles.

This giveaway is worth £145 total!

Just go onto my Twitter feed (@DrPamSpurr – on my homepage) and retweet the tweet about the competition – and follow on twitter – to be in with a chance to win. The competition will run from Wednesday, March 25th through Friday, March 27th.

Happy spring! Pam x

Her fiance and sister cheated on her...

25/03/2015

Once again you may be astounded by the story of betrayal I've commented on in today's Sun newspaper. And the painful and extraordinary way this woman found out her fiance was cheating.

It's surprisingly how many stories I hear of family members cheating on each other. The problem is if - as in this story - you're attracted to your sister's partner, you're around them all the time. It means there's a lot of access to each other and opportunity to plan secret meet ups.

There is never an excuse for cheating, always face the fact you're attracted to another person. Let your partner know – it may be a super tough conversation but the alternative is heartbreaking and disastrous.

Take care, Pamx

Her dilemma: her boyfriends in a band, hes fit and shes worried hell cheat

23/03/2015

Apologies I haven’t done my regular life coach/agony aunt Q & A on my site in recent weeks but life has been so busy. Thank you for your emails and I’ve selected a random one today to answer.

Do check it out on my homepage, happy Monday, Pamx

Put some spring sizzle into your sex life! Plus GIVEAWAY

20/03/2015

It’s that time for my fortnightly Sun newspaper online sex and love column. As it’s officially Spring today it’s all about spring cleaning your sex life.

There are lots of tips to put to use this weekend and a fantastic giveaway from Lovehoney. Two lucky readers will win the giveaway.

Always aim to give you a fun weekend, Pamx

The audacious way a love rat used his partner

19/03/2015

I always think I’ve heard it all until I get another love cheat story to comment on in the Sun newspaper. Today’s love cheat takes the cake for the audacious way he used his partner to drive him over to his mistress’s house. Check out the story and my advice. 

TODAY’S TIP: I’ve spoken to many love cheats about why they do it – and how they do it. Some have confessed to me that sometimes doing things boldly, right underneath their partner’s nose, means they get away with it.

Keep wise if you’ve got suspicions, Pamx

Love cheat caught on Facebook. And selfies and reclaiming sexual confidence

17/03/2015

In today’s Sun newspaper commented on yet another love cheat getting caught out. This time his wife caught him on Facebook - pictured with his mistress - I think this guy needs to add a few more brain cells.

On a very different note I’ve also commented on Karen Danczuk and how she has discussed that taking sexy selfies has helped her reclaim her sexual confidence. As I stress in my comment every survivor of childhood abuse must get appropriate support.

And also they must move forward in ways that work for them. Some survivors might find it helpful to reclaim their sexuality in ways that Karen has and others wouldn't find that helpful at all.

I hope you get the support you need if you're an adult survivor from a supportive service like NAPAC. 

Please take care of yourself, Pamx

Sex, love and life dilemmas...

09/03/2015

This month in my Magnet magazine agony aunt and life coach column I've tackled problems from a man who worries his partner is so quiet in bed, to someone who's at risk at repeating a bad relationship cycle, as well as a question about grief and other issues.

I hope if any of these dilemmas apply to you that one or two pieces of advice might be helpful.

The page takes a minute or 2 to load...sorry!
 
Take care of yourself, Pamx

 

Green eyed monster rearing its head in the bedroom? Tinder dating surprise! Plus GIVEAWAY!

06/03/2015

Sexual jealousy's a big problem for many people. You know the kind of thing – where you worry their ex-partner was better in bed than you are.

In todays Sun newspaper online Ive written my column about sexual jealousy.

I hope the tips help you move forward if you're jealous about your partner’s ex. And there are plenty of sexy suggestions to boost your bedroom confidence. 

Plus two lucky readers will win a phenomenal vibrator and lubricant gift set from the lovely people at Ann Summers.

Also in today's Sun I've commented about a Tinder dating story with an unexpected ending.

I always say widen your circle of opportunity if you’re single looking for love. Because if you stick to your so-called ‘type’ you may not meet them. Here's one woman’s surprise story of falling in love. 

TODAY’S TIP: You widen your circle of opportunity when you give unexpected people a chance. Dump that romantic/dating checklist that holds you back from opening your eyes to some really great people.

Have a lovely weekend - hopefully a little sexier with the tips in my column, take care Pamx

In a romance but your boyfriend is in a bromance? Check this TV opportunity...

27/02/2015

This sounds like a fun TV opportunity! If you're in a relationship but your boyfriend is in a bromance it could be for you... Check this link!


Interpreting dreams on Heart FM! Plus 'wheres my sex life gone' dilemma

26/02/2015

First thing today I’m interpreting one listener’s recurring dream for the Heart FM Wales breakfast show. Always love looking at the symbolism and potential meaning in a dream.

In my Yummy Mummy Beauty website column I tackle where’s my sex life gone? 

Take care of each other, Pamx

The Bedroom Brit Awards PLUS gorgeous giveaway!

20/02/2015

To celebrate the Brit Awards next week I’ve done some Bedroom Brit Awards for you in my Sun newspaper online column today.

The basis of all my music-based sex tips is research showing how different music affects our moods… and being ‘in the mood’.

Watch out for a fabulous giveaway of the new Siri 2 vibrator from luxury, intimate lifestyle products company LELO.com. One lucky reader will receive it!

 Happy weekend and I hope my column rocks your world...in the bedroom, Pamx

The worst type of betrayal...

19/02/2015

There is infidelity - and then there's infidelity with your partner's mother. In today's Sun newspaper I've commented and given advice on one woman's tragic story.

How do you move forward when your mother cheated with your fiance? It's a long road to forgiveness.

Take care of yourself, Pam x

My lovely publisher has arranged a book giveaway!

16/02/2015

My publisher New Holland is giving away two copies of my book on emotional eating (check out the upper right-hand corner of my homepage to see my book).

If you go onto my Twitter feed you’ll see all you have to do is retweet the correct Tweet about the competition - and follow - to be in with a chance to win one of the two copies they have to giveaway.

Good luck!

The two winners will be announced Wednesday afternoon - or maybe Thursday morning because my publisher’s head office is in Australia.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Relationship quiz for you plus happy Valentines Day!

15/02/2015

The Sun newspaper asked me to write a fun (but still informative with tips) quiz about relationships. So are you a flowers-and-chocolate style lover or Fifty Shades style lover?

Here’s the link, there is advice for each relationship profile - we could all do with a few extra tips to make your relationships as great as possible.

Happy Valentine’s Day and happy weekend, Pamx

Rebuilding trust after terrible abuse

13/02/2015

A survivor of abuse often feels they have so much taken away from them - self-esteem and confidence, their own sense of personal power, their pride, plus the ability to trust anyone ever again.

In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on one woman’s story of learning to trust again.

TODAY’S TIP: it’s crucial you get help if you’ve been in only abusive relationship. You can find out about local services from your GP, social services, women’s centre, health visitor if you have young children, etc.

Take care and have a great weekend, Pamx

Enjoy your very own Christian Grey but handle with care

12/02/2015

The best thing about the Fifty Shades phenomenon (whether you loved or loathed the books) is how much people are experimenting in the bedroom. However if you’re going to hook up with a stranger who claims to be a real life Christian Grey I’d advise extreme caution.

People can make all sorts of claims and then not play safely when it comes to BDSM – bondage, domination, sadism, masochism. In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on one story. Check it out – as I said, caution is the word when getting involved with people you don’t know that you can trust.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Dating Dos and Donts for You in the Run-Up to Valentines Day

10/02/2015

Dating can be daunting, frustrating, but also fun and exhilarating. I was given the brief in a short space to provide a few dos and don’ts for first dates, new couples, and established couples.

Check it out in today’s Sun newspaper Valentine special. I’ll post a link later when it goes live on their website.

TODAY’S TIP: One of the simplest but most important tips of all is to remember on that first date (or even the second, third and fourth date) that they are as nervous as you. Nerves are to be expected. When you put it into perspective that you both feel that way, you can start to relax. It’s all going to be fine.

Happy dating, Pamx

Fifty Shades statistics show that women want to Plus GIVEAWAY! And inspiration...

06/02/2015

Fifty Shades of Grey is hitting cinemas next week - only time will tell if it’s an erotic romp worthy of its 18 certificate or if it has as much sexual energy as a vibrator whose batteries are flagging.

To make sure things don’t flag for you in the bedroom I’ve got lots of tips in my column in today’s Sun newspaper online that can inspire some fantasy fun. I'm calling it Fifty Shades of Great Sex!

I also have a completely gorgeous giveaway for two lucky readers from luxury vibrator maker LELO.

Also check out the stats from an Ann Summers survey that shows 80% of women want to take control in the bedroom… that’s a lot of dominatrices sees in the making.

Also in today's Sun I comment on one woman's extraordinary story of surviving a fireball and going on to find her relationship became stronger. Do check it out – it's such an inspirational story. 

Back to the sex column – have fun with the tips when I post it later on and good luck with the giveaway!

I always aim to make it a happy weekend for you, Pamx

Its dilemma day answers to your sex, love and career questions

04/02/2015

My monthly life coach/ agony aunt column in Magnet Magazine is out and as usual I’ve covered a range of readers’ dilemmas. Who doesn’t have dilemmas? It’s always good to get another person’s opinion.

I hope you find them helpful (the link takes a few moments to open) take care of, Pamx

 

Happy times! Check out your happiness profile

03/02/2015

I speak to so many people about understanding their unhappiness and looking at why they hold themselves back from feeling happy. You can’t feel happy all the time obviously(!) but you should have a sense of well-being and happiness a good part of the time.

Check the four personality profiles I’ve outlined in today’s Sun newspaper and lots of tips I've provided to bring more happiness into your life.

Happy Tuesday, Pamx

Check out the fabulous GIVEAWAY I have for you

01/02/2015

In honour of pre-Valentine’s fun I’ve teamed up with the wonderful people at Bijoux Indiscret to giveaway a sexy and fabulous goody bag. Check out my Twitter account for a chance to win it from Monday morning, February 2nd. They'll select a random winner on Wednesday, February 4th.

Good luck! Pamx

Are you now engaged and heading to your big day? Check these tips...

30/01/2015

More people get engaged on Christmas Eve then at any time of year – if you're one of those couples (or one of the 9% who choose New Year's Eve to get engaged) then here's some advice for you in my Yahoo! Lifestyle article

You need the 'rules of engagement' because this is a phase in your relationship where you'll have some of your biggest rows ever...unless you take the advice!

Have a great weekend, Pamx

Handling an overly persistent ex

28/01/2015

A breakup is hard enough with the emotional to-ing and fro-ing, trying to make your mind up once and for all and with usually one of you hoping to rekindle things.

Sometimes that hope becomes too much persistence and in today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented and give the advice off the back of one woman’s quite shocking story. I hope if you have a persistent ex you'll check it out.

TODAY’S TIP: Please don’t go it alone if an ex is harassing you – you must let friends, family and the police know.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

If youre single, looking for love and not online youre missing out! Plus GIVEAWAY

23/01/2015

In my Sun newspaper online column today I’ve delved into online dating research for you singles and give some top tips on what to watch out for in online 'profiles'. On top of that there are some sexy tips for you to try when you find someone special plus a fabulous giveaway from the lovely people at Ann Summers.

Check it out and good luck with the giveaway!

Happy weekend, Pamx

Doing a phone in on This Morning TV Wednesday 21st JanuaryPlus colour therapy!

20/01/2015

Hope you’ll join in the phone in on This Morning which will be about inappropriate relationships. Have you ever felt vulnerable with someone older or more powerful pressurising you? Did you end up in what you think is an inappropriate relationship? How did you cope? How did you end it?

I hope to hear from you on the phone in.

Also I have a fun piece on colour 'therapy' (well, not exctly therapy!) in the Sun newspaper today - it's about celebrities on the red carpet and the colours they choose to wear and what those colours reveal about their personality. 

Remember anything visual – the colours and styles you choose to wear, etc. give signals about your personality.

Look forward to hearing from you if you need help with your relationship, Pamx

An awful story about revenge porn

20/01/2015

It’s so cruel when someone uses home-made porn to get back an ex. But how about when a supposed friend captures you in the middle of ‘it’ and puts it online? I’ve commented on this tragic story in today’s Sun newspaper. It’s traumatised the woman it’s happened to.

TODAY’S TIP: You must be aware of who you bring into your life and whether they have a manipulative and/or dark side to their personality. Any signs that a person could hurt you in this way and you must show them the exit from your life.

Put yourself first, make the choice even if it’s a tough one to relegate a so called friend to ex-friendship status.

Take care, Pamx

A special GIVEAWAY to cheer up your January blues

19/01/2015

January can be a tough month for many people. You're facing those credit card bills (yes, why did you give such overly-generous Christmas presents?). The rave you had on New Year’s Eve seems a year ago and spring seems a long way off.

No fear, you know I like rising to the challenge so to combat those ‘blue’ feelings I’ve teamed up with the lovely people at online, sex toy retailers Jo Divine UK to giveaway two fun, sexy goody bags. Just check my Twitter feed on my homepage for the details.

Good luck – you might be one of the two winners!

Happy Monday, Pamx

Spice up your weekend with this sexy discount-offer

16/01/2015

The lovely people at online sex toy retailer Jo Divine UK are offering you a 10% discount on everything you buy until mid-day Monday! Use this offer code: DRPAMat their website here - go on, have some fun and enjoy… have a divine time J

Happy weekend, Pamx

The know-it-all parent who criticises your parenting advice!

15/01/2015

If you're a parent you'll know there's always someone in your social circle who thinks they're a better parent than you. I know, it's happened to me, especially as I was a very young mother and on a couple occasions people assumed they were better parents because of their age.

Nothing's more annoying for parents!

In my Yummy Mummy Beauty column this week I've tackled an extreme example of a sister-in-law who just keeps putting her nose in things. Here's the link, check it out - use the advice if you're going through this.

And try not to see too much red - instead put them in their place with a couple of my methods.

Take care, Pamx

Caesareans, natural birth and your sex life

13/01/2015

On Yahoo Lifestyle today I’ve commented on new statistics about Caesareans and how many women have them thinking they’ll prevent issues with their sex life. Hope you find the tips helpful at the end of the article.

I always advocate as natural a birth as possible – of course Caesareans may be necessary in certain circumstances but why have the anaesthesia and surgery if you can avoid it?

Take care of yourself, Pamx

 

Your 10 top sex questions answered plus GIVEAWAY!

09/01/2015

There are questions on every person’s lips when it comes to sex but sometimes they’re too embarrassed to ask or don’t know who to ask. Well, I have some advice to come to your rescue in my Sun newspaper online column today.

I also have a fabulous giveaway have We Vibe Plus for vibrator worth £129.99 for one lucky reader. Good luck!

TODAY’S TIP: There’s always help somewhere – an agony aunt, a counsellor or psychologist to get some answers to your questions. Don’t worry in silence.

Happy weekend, Pamx

Have a great giveaway on Twitter celebrating the release of Cameron Diaz DVD!

08/01/2015

I have a fabulous giveaway on twitter to celebrate the release of the DVD of Sex Tape starring Cameron Diaz - still time to enter - check my twitter account and good luck! Winner announced tomorrow, Pamxx

Phone in on age gap relationships on ITV This Morning! Plus sex toy joy!

06/01/2015

Wednesday 7th January I’m doing a live phone in on This Morning to answer any problems you have in your age gap relationship. Do get in touch!

Also today I have some sex tips for couples in the Sun newspaper. One woman's story is a fantastic eye opener - a positive example of the joy of sex toys.

I hope you join me for the phone in after 10:30 AM, Pamx

If you like comedy and sex...

05/01/2015

If you want to see a fantastic comedy lineup promoting great sexual health for young people then you must get tickets to Sex Appeal this Saturday night January 10th. Check out the link here!

Have fun, Pamx

Save your relationship from being a sad New Year divorce statistic

03/01/2015

The stats are against you if you’ve been having a hard time in your relationship – rather than seasonal cheer cheering things up it tends to break couples up.

I’ve written some key tips to try in today’s Sun newspaper as have two other experts. 

TODAY’S TIP: Unless there’s something unbearable like abuse in your relationship, so many issues can be solved and especially if children are involved you need to give it 100%.

Take care of each other, Pamx

Happy New Year! And she discovered her husband was gay

31/12/2014

In this day and age people should feel free to be who they are and be out and proud. If you're gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender that's natural for you just as being straight is natural for someone else. It’s not always the case though - some people still feel they can't come out and end up in a relationship pretending to be straight. Today I've commented on one woman’s story in the Sun newspaper.

TODAY’S TIP: Be honest with yourself about your sexuality and don’t feel you have to pretend to be straight to satisfy others – like your family.

Be you, be proud and take care.

Happy New Year to all, wishing you health, love, happiness in 2015! Pamx

When rinsing behaviour goes too far

30/12/2014

I commented on a rinsing story a couple weeks ago in the Sun newspaper and I’ve commented again today. 'Rinsing' is an online activity where a woman does certain acts that are paid for by the men watching.

This time the woman concerned is getting involved in increasingly extreme rinsing behaviour. Her boyfriend has also started to play a part in her activities. That's fine if they can cope with the potential demands on her emotioanl well-being.

But think long and hard about how this might impact your relationships, future career and your self-esteem. As I said before there is no such thing as free cash and gifts - they all come with a price tag for your emotional life.

Look at yourself, Pamx

Its National Make Your Christmas Sexy Day PLUS giveaway

24/12/2014

With so many people not having sex over the holiday season because they’re too stressed - and often angry with each other - I’m happy to announce National Make Your Christmas Sexy Day! In honour of it I’ve provided lots of loving and sexy tips in my fortnightly Sun newspaper online column.

Make sure you check out the fantastic Ann Summers giveaway for two lucky readers – good luck! 

Have a lovely peaceful, healthy Christmas and hold loved ones tight, Pamx

Rinsing rinse your morals and well-being away

18/12/2014

Despite there being many potential consequences for ‘rinsers’ there is a burgeoning industry of rinsing that’s developed online. If you don’t know, rinsing is where a woman has a wish list of gifts or cash and a man asks her to do certain things in return for buying them. And of course there are young men who also ‘rinse’.

In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on one woman’s story and her “pay pigs” as she calls the men she rinses.

TODAY’S TIP: Check out the consequences because cash and gifts from strangers are never ‘free’.

Look after yourself, Pamx



How to seduce an older woman plus lovely GIVEAWAY!

12/12/2014

With the news that one of the new James Bond beauties in the forthcoming film Spectre is 50 years old, dating agencies have reported a huge jump in men looking for dates from 45 to 55 years old. In my fortnightly Sun newspaper online column I’ve written a little guide for men to ‘catch a cougar’.

There are some fun tips – and do check out the lovely Ann Summers giveaway for two lucky readers.

Happy weekend, Pamx

 

Don't let that flirting with a colleague turn into a fling at the Christmas party...

09/12/2014

Who doesn't love a Christmas party? I do! But I hear from so many people who screw up their relationships because they've been flirting with a colleague all year... then they go to the Christmas party and throw lots of alcohol into the mix and they end up having a fling.

I've commented on one woman's story in today's Sun newspaper. There's a few tips to help you avoid this kind of heartbreak.

Take care, Pamx


GIVEAWAY - My publisher is giving away two copies of my book on emotional eating!

08/12/2014

An early Christmas treat for you – my lovely publisher is giving away two copies of my book The Emotional Eater's Diet! (check my book out on the upper right of my homepage)

All you have to do to be in with a chance to win is follow me on twitter (you can follow me from my homepage) and retweet one of the relevant tweets.

Good luck, the two winners will be informed by my publisher by Wednesday, December 10th.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

From how to have phone sex to handling an ex

04/12/2014

Lots of dilemmas in my monthly life coaching and agony aunt column for Magnet magazine. Here’s the link if you want to check out the advice about trying phone sex, a boss that harasses, and an ex who won’t get the message (please note> the link takes a little while to open). 

Take care, Pamx

Can you affair proof your relationship? Men who use sex workers.Plus GIVEAWAY!

28/11/2014

With the statistics on cheating remaining high it’s one of my prerogatives to get people thinking about how they can stop that slippery slope into an affair.

My fortnightly Sun newspaper online column today tackles this. Check out the tips but also there is a fabulous Ann Summers giveaway for two lucky readers.

That’s my aim – spread some happiness for the weekend with a giveaway.

Plus - I have some concerns about men who use sex workers almost exclusively. There’s a place for sex workers and men use them for many different reasons - but I’m always concerned when someone uses them exclusively. How does such a man relate to real women when he decides he wants a relationship?

I’ve commented on one man’s story in today’s Sun.

TODAY’S TIP: If you’re that rare man who believes they never want to have a relationship with a woman - and you do have a sex drive - there’s nothing wrong with paying sex workers as long as you practice safer sex and do it all safely.

But if you think you might want to have a relationship at some point then you need to think carefully about how very different having a full relationship and sex life is with a woman compared to the sex workers you pay to fulfil your needs.

It’s a very naive man who doesn’t think their behaviour towards sex workers - they’re selling a commodity, he’s buying it - will ever impact on the way they treat women generally.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Happy Thanksgiving⋘ ❤ ⋙ ♥♡❤♡♥ ⋘❤ ⋙ whether you're American or not!

27/11/2014

It doesn't matter if you're American or not – use Thanksgiving as a time to take a moment and think of all your thankful for – a particular friend, a supportive family member, a colleague who helps you out, the partner who's there for you.

Give thanks and let them know you appreciate them, much love, Pamx

Once youve been conned its tough to trust again

26/11/2014

The Shirley Valentine syndrome is far more common than you’d think and in today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on one woman’s story. She had her heart broken and her bank balance destroyed by her young, Turkish toyboy.

TODAY’S TIP: It’s crucial whether you meet someone online, on holiday - or at your local pub - that until you really know and trust them you don’t loan or give them money. You may desperately want to help out because you think you’re falling in love (and your knickers are on fire with lust) but it’d be horrible to discover they only wanted your cash.

Be of yourself, Pamx

 

Check out the fabulous giveaway I have...

24/11/2014

Today through Wednesday on twitter you have a chance of winning a fabulous Twenty One Vibrating 'Diamond' worth £49.95. All you have to do is retweet my competition tweet on twitter and follow me on twitter for a chance to win.

The lovely people at Bijoux Indiscret will be choosing the winner on Wednesday late afternoon November 26th. Good luck! This is just in time for Christmas and would be the perfect sexy gift for yourself or to give someone special.

Love from me xx

She faced a double blow of betrayal

22/11/2014

In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on a terrible story about betrayal. A woman’s husband and friend had an affair and deceived her in the most terrible way

TODAY’S TIP: Think before you slip into an affair – the consequences can be horrible for so many people including any children the couple may have.

I simply can’t fathom the selfishness of so many people. If only they’d think about the consequences then they might not cheat in the first place.

Take care of your relationship, Pamx

Discussing why men pay for sex on ITV This Morning Thursday 20th of November

20/11/2014

Some fascinating statistics have come out about the men who are paying for sex, why they’re paying for sex and from my point of view what’s most interesting is are there any repercussions for them?

Off to the ITV studios now but if this is a topic you are concerned about because a partner has paid for sex - or you keep paying for sex - then I hope you tune in after 1030.

Look after yourself, Pamx

Off to the UK X Factor to support the sensational Jay James....

15/11/2014

I'm more than excited – completely psyched - to go out to the X Factor with my lovely friend Victoria who's married to the phenomenal Jay James - if you're watching this series I hope you'll get behind him – not only does he have an amazing talent but he's also a fantastic person.

Enjoy your weekend, Pamx

As the celebrities enter the jungle, put jungle fever in your bedroom + GIVEAWAY

14/11/2014

It’s back – I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here - and in honour of the jungle fun (and horrible tasks) my Sun newspaper online column is about putting jungle fever back in your bedroom.

There are some very steamy tips for you to try and do check out the fabulous giveaway - a brand-new Twenty One Diamond Vibrator - very special. 

Happy weekend, Pamx

Her long lost sister betrayed her

12/11/2014

Betrayal comes in many different forms and is such a difficult thing to recover from. In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on a story about long lost sisters and how one man came between them.

TODAY’S TIP: Families can be broken apart by betrayal and it’s incredibly tough to mend. Both of you have to be committed to sorting things out if you’re going to heal the situation.

This is a two-way street.

Take care of yourselves including your family members, Pamx

Fantastic giveaway for a luxury vibrator worth 119...

10/11/2014

If you love a giveaway here's your chance – on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, November 11th, 12th and 13th please check out my Twitter feed for a chance to win this luxury Ora 2 vibrator made by LELO.

It's easy - all you have to do is retweet the competition Tweet and follow me for a chance to win.

The winner will be drawn at random by the company. Good luck! Pam x

On ITV This Morning talking about sex dilemmas...

09/11/2014

On Monday morning November 10 I’ll be taking your calls about sex dilemmas on This Morning. There is always a way forward - no matter the issue - so I hope you'll get in touch.

Look forward to hearing from you, take care, Pamx

Dilemmas from swinging neighbours to a man who can't say I love you

08/11/2014

Here’s my agony aunt and life coaching column for Magnet magazine for November. (this link takes a while to open - sorry) I hope you find it helpful because the questions announces cover things from neighbours who are swingers to the bosses daughter getting better treatment than an employee this column covers so much of life.

TODAY’S TIP: no matter what dilemma you’re facing there will be some sort of solution. It may not be ideal, but we’re living in the real world and we can’t expect everything to go our way. Even when solving a problem means accepting it’s not fully the solution you want, you can still learn from the situation and be prepared for next time when something similar arises.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

She was stalked by someone and it turned out she knew her stalker

07/11/2014

Stalking has become far too easy as people can do it by email, text, social networking sites, etc. In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on a woman’s ordeal - she was put through hell only for the police to discover was someone she knew. 

TODAY’S TIP: What ever you do you must report stalking, never feel like you’re alone. Report it to the police and let family and friends know as well as work colleagues if relevant. If you don’t have friends or family nearby to lean on then do get in touch with any helping organisation that provides support.

Look after yourself, Pamx

Her father killed her mother but she doesnt want to believe it

05/11/2014

In today’s Sun newspaper there is a story of one woman who simply cannot accept her father’s conviction for murdering her mother last year. I’ve written some comment about how some people go into denial in such painful situations.

TODAY’S TIP: If you’re facing something so painful that you’re likely to paint a new reality of your own making and seek professional help.

Eventually when you’re stronger you can come to terms with the truth.

The Yourself, Pamx

Make it a Halloween to remember! Plus GIVEAWAY plus avoid being conned by a toy boy

31/10/2014

We do love a Halloween party – I think the Brits love fancy dress more than any other nationality. In my Sun newspaper online column today I’m celebrating flirtatious fun if you’re going to a party tonight. There's a fantastic giveaway from luxury sex toy maker Lelo in my column - good luck!

Also in today’s Sun I’ve commented on a story about a woman who was conned by her toy boy. Here are some tips on how to avoid being conned

TODAY’S TIP: If you’re with someone who seems too good to be true and then they ask you for some money, tell them to take out a loan. If it’s all about the money they’ll disappear. If they actually care about you they’ll stick around.

Look at yourself and happy weekend, Pamx

When someone kicks you when youre down...

28/10/2014

Some of the stories across my desk surprise me and others sadly don’t. I think I’ve heard every angle when it comes to love cheats and in today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on one story. One woman was treated on when she was grieving for her mother who passed away due to cancer.

Talk about kicking someone when they’re down.

TODAY’S TIP: when everything feels like it’s shattered and your life is crashing around your shoulders make sure you count on one trustworthy friend or family member to be there for you. If you put on too much of a brave face them know how much are suffering so let them know you need to lean on them.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Your most common bewteen-the-sheets worries answered...

24/10/2014

The Sun newspaper's been running a "sex week" to give you lots of information and also add some fun between the sheets. Today I've answered your most common sex problems for the paper.

Everyone experiences some sort of issue or worry between the sheets at times and I hope the tips here will help you.

Have a blast this weekend, Pamx

The state of British sex lives

20/10/2014

The Sun newspaper have done a large survey of what’s happening in the nation’s bedrooms and I’ve commented on it.

When it comes to the statistics people’s fantasy lives are really taking off and that’s a really good thing for their sex life.

TODAY’S TIP: By our very nature we are curious and that’s why we fantasise so much. Definitely use your fantasies as a springboard for some sexy chat with your partner.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Positions, positions, positions

17/10/2014

Couples get stuck in one or two favourite positions and some partners end up bored in the bedroom. So in my Sun newspaper online column today I’ve described six sizzling positions which are fantastic for couples who might be feeling a little bit body shy, maybe feel they’ve let themselves go a bit, and want some fairly subtle things to try.

Some of the tips are subtle and some are a bit more racy.

These are perfect to make your weekend go with a bang, Pamx

Could they be leading a double life? Plus how to be friendly with your ex...

16/10/2014

It seems unthinkable but a fair few women get conned by men who lead a double life with two families. In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on a sad story of a man who got away with it for far too long

Also in today's Sun newspaper I have some tips for people who want to stay friendly with their ex. Evidently Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have remained good friends and that can only be good for their two children. I hope these tips help.

TODAY’S TIP: As I say in the article on double lives if you think questions need answering about missing hours, missing days and even missing weeks then you need to get to the bottom of it. It can happen to women who think nothing like that could ever happened to them.

Good luck, Pamx

Spot the signs of a love cheat

14/10/2014

Can you really spot if your partner is cheating or not? Although it’s not fool proof there are some key signs to look for and I’ve written about a few of them in today’s Sun newspaper.

Remember that even a partner shows all of these signs there could still be another explanation.

TODAY’S TIP: in the meantime, before you go pointing the finger of suspicion at a partner, if you have a history of jealousy then remember to take your time. Are you overly jealous and seeing things that aren’t there or is your partner actually behaving differently?

Wishing you the best, Pamx

Body envy can be damaging to your self-esteem.

12/10/2014

We talk about the importance of having a healthy body image and one aspect to this is identifying if you’re prone to ‘body-envy’. I’ve devised a quiz for the Daily Mail online - if you struggle with this I hope you find the advice helpful at the end of the quiz

Take care of yourself, Pamx

A love cheat with a whole lot of making up to do

07/10/2014

In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on an extraordinary story of infidelity. Here’s the link to that story with some of my advice to overcoming such betrayal.

TODAY’S TIP: 60% of couples decide to stay together after infidelity but they have to work hard at rebuilding the trust. Take it one day at a time as you try to overcome the hurt and pain. The love cheat has to show a whole lot of patience – they’d obviously love it if their partner could forgive them and move on quickly - but the person who’s been betrayed needs to take time to really heal.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Wear It For Autism fashion event tonight

06/10/2014

I’m so looking forward to the Wear It For Autism tonight in central London – it supports Anna Kennedy 0BE and her online charity.

As one of the judges it was a terribly difficult decision to select the winners in each category and tonight they’ll strut down the catwalk showing their complete makeover from wardrobe to hair and make-up.

TODAY’S TIP: So many people care for family members with a variety of challenges and it’s nice when they get a treat. Maybe you know someone in your neighbourhood who could do with some of your time or anything else you think might help their situation.

We have to look out for each other.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Phone in about your in-laws on ITV This Morning! And sex with your ex? Plus GIVEAWAY

03/10/2014

If you’ve got problems with your in-laws - or you have problems with your son- or daughter-in-law then I hope you’ll phone in on ITV This Morning.

I look forward to taking calls about this issue affecting so many families.

Also in my Sun newspaper online column today I have lots of tips about how to handle your partner’s ex and also a fantastic giveaway from the lovely people at Ann Summers!

Happy Friday, Pamx

Life, love and sex dilemmas

02/10/2014

This month for my life coaching and agony aunt column for Magnet magazine I’ve covered all sorts of dilemmas including an office romance and a recurring nightmare.

TODAY’S TIP: If you can calm down and take control of your emotional reaction to a hurdle, problem or dilemma, you can clear your mind to face it better. If your emotions are spinning out of control it's far harder to think clearly. Of course allow powerful emotions to run their course but beware of making decisions until they do.

So much of life is about facing dilemmas - learning from them and hopefully not repeating certain mistakes.

Good luck, Pamx

 

Coping with Seasonal Affective disorder. And Im away until October 1st

15/09/2014

I've just posted an article about seasonal affective disorder (SAD) at 'hot off the press' on my home page. Do check it out if you think you might be affected by this.

I hope you have a wonderful couple weeks I’m now taking a very late summer holiday to California until October 1st.

Look after yourself, lots of love, Pamx

 

 

 

The sizzling sex guide for singles plus GIVEAWAY...

12/09/2014

For my Sun newspaper online column today I’ve written about how singles can have a great sex life. It's now live on their website.

I have a fantastic giveaway courtesy of the lovely people from www.sextoys.co.uk - we have two sex toy packs worth nearly £55 each for two lucky people - to be in with a chance of the giveaway check my column.

It’s been such a busy week I haven’t been on here much but I’ve discussed numerous subjects on the Jon Gaunt show on Fubar radio - always a lively conversation - and I'm back on Saturday (13th Sept) around noon - do check Fubar net radio out.

I’ve also had a number of comment pieces in the Sun ranging from betrayal to escorts - so it’s all go.

TODAY’S TIP: To get through a busy week I discipline myself to take things one day at a time and I advise anyone who is struggling with lots at work to do the same. Don’t look ahead to a daunting workload instead focus on what you need to do today.

I learned the hard way to stop worrying about future work - I used to get stressed about it - but that all changed a number of years ago when I wised up - and put my own advice to work. You can too.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

When parents reveal too much about their private life, an escort writes an autobiography

09/09/2014

In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on a story about a high-class escort who has published a book about her life. As a mother of young children I think it’s irresponsible. Having met various people who work in the sex industry through my work, I know many of them keep their work absolutely private from their children.

You can check the story and my comments here

TODAY’S TIP: On the one hand it’s fantastic that we're much more open in society about our personal lives however always put yourself in your children shoes. Remember how embarrassed children can be by their parents and if you’re revealing something extraordinary it could compound those feelings.

Take care, Pamx

It's out to the Celebrity Big Brother studios tonight

08/09/2014

Just when you think nothing new can happen in the Celebrity Big Brother house so much does and I can't wait to chat about the housemates with Rylan tonight in my last psych slot of the series.

The final is Friday night and the last four weeks have shot by. It's been amazing working with Rylan and the team at Big Brother all summer (and occasionally I've been on Emma Willis's shows) and Rylan has made gorgeous cupcakes for our last night... I'll be in cake heaven.

Have a wonderful week, Pam x

She should stop leading him on

05/09/2014

In my Miss Independent Woman website column I’ve answered a dilemma today about a woman who should stop leading a man on.

Do check out the advice here if you’re in this situation.

TODAY’S TIP: Sometimes people worry about breaking up with someone thinking it’s better to stay with them as a sort of “pity case”. I always say turn the tables on that thinking: would you want to be thought of as a pity case? Would you want someone to stay with you out of pity? I think most people would answer no.

Have a fantastic weekend, Pamx

Hosting a special sex master class tonight...

04/09/2014

I'm so excited about hosting a sex masterclass for Ann Summers tonight at one of their flagship stores in Oxford Street. If you weren't lucky enough to get a ticket (as it was way over subscribed) I'll make sure I advertise the next one on my site very early next time.

And if you're coming tonight please say hello, take care, Pamxx

Tomorrow is World Sexual Health Day and future GIVEAWAY...

03/09/2014

I'm always banging on about using safer sex techniques and in honour on WSHD here's a link to the LELO site and their tips for safe sex play with vibrators. It's worth taking a look at their tips!

And I'm very excited that I'm going to have an exclusive giveaway for you the first week of November - I'll have two of their luxury vibrators worth around £125 each to give.

Keep a watch out for the giveaway. Play safe in your sex life, with love from me xx

Back-to-school tips! Off to the Celebrity Big Brother studios tonight

01/09/2014

Calling all parents - at 8:10 AM this morning UK time I'll be giving back-to-school tips to make sure your child's first day at school goes smoothly. This is on the Heart FM radio slot I do for Heart Wales.

With so much happening in the Celebrity Big Brother house I'm looking forward to chatting to Emma Willis again tonight in my psych slot.

TODAY’S TIP: Back to our real lives – one of the tips I'll be discussing this morning on radio is that parents shouldn't get overexcited around their child - hoping to get their child excited and not worried about their first day of school. Too much excitement can provoke anxiety in your child – they think it's a really, really big deal.

It's better to strike a balance between being positive and confident about them starting school and not going over the top.

Till later on Big Bro, take care, Pamx

Television presenter opens up about his addiction...

31/08/2014

I commented in the Sun Newspaper today about the UK television presenter Paul Ross and his story of a spiral into addiction. I hope Paul Ross story is wake-up call to others.

Please get help through a 12 step programme and your doctor. Take that first step - good luck!

Want some tips on introducing sex toys to your love life?

30/08/2014

It's the weekend and time to have some fun. If you're wondering how to get your partner interested in experimenting with sex toys then please check my article here from the Ann Summers website: http://tinyurl.com/mpewds4

Have a lovely weekend, off to friends in the heart of Kent - so happy the rain stopped, take carePam x

When body image issues affect the bedroom

29/08/2014

I’ve been involved in body image research in the past and it’s astounding how these issues can creep into every part of your life including the bedroom.

In my fortnightly Pleasure Zone online column with the Sun newspaper I’ve provided lots of tips to help you start overcoming body image issues and how to spice things up in the bedroom. I’ll post a link here when it goes live on their website.

TODAY’S TIP: Keep focused on the fact that you mean so incredibly much more as a person with your personality and attributes then what your body means.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

Thanks for the web chat. When wedding expenses get out of control

28/08/2014

Thanks so much if you sent a question in for my web chat yesterday with Ann Summers – it was lovely hearing from so many people and I was sorry we couldn’t get to everyone’s questions in the hour.

Over to people blowing a ton of money on their wedding day – in today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on one woman’s story – she’s ended up bankrupt.

No wedding day is worth bankruptcy. This story is a wake-up call for people thinking they should take out a big loan for their wedding day. 

TODAY’S TIP: What counts most is making some very special memories for you and your partner – it’s not about impressing friends and family. Keep that firmly in mind when thinking about your budget for your big day.

Look after yourself, Pamx

LIVE twitter-web chat today from 2-3 PM UK time - please join me...

27/08/2014

Join me for a live webchat today when I'll answer your sex and love questions along with the great team at Ann Summers.

You can tweet me @drpamspurr using the hashtag #AskDrPam and include @Ann_Summers - tweet anytime til Wednesday 245 p.m.

And if you're feeling shy then email your question to my site homepage.

It'll be lovely to hear from you, take care, Pamx

LIVE web chat tomorrow 2-3 PM UK time. Plus unusual grief reactions...

26/08/2014

Join me for a live webchat tomorrow (27th August) when I'll answer your sex and love questions along with the great team at Ann Summers.

You can tweet me @drpamspurr using the hashtag #AskDrPam and include @Ann_Summers - tweet anytime til Wednesday 245 p.m.

And if you're feeling shy then email your question to my site homepage. It'll be lovely to hear from you.
 
In today's Sun newspaper I've commented on one woman's story about an unusual grief reaction. Kristina turned to shoplifting - her story is here.

If you are grieving for a loved one please do reach out and get the help you need.

All the very best, Pamx

It's out to the Celebrity Big Brother studios tonight. Plus tips for worrying...

25/08/2014

I'm so excited tonight is my first Monday night psych slot for this series - and have these celebrities delivered an explosive first week!

I'm looking forward to chatting to Emma Willis and will have loads to discuss tonight.

On my homepage under 'hot off the press' I've posted an article on worrying after a request for some overthinking tips.

Till later, have a great bank holiday, Pamx

LIVE webchat Wednesday 27th August at 2-3 pm UK time...

24/08/2014

Join me for a live webchat on Wednesday when I'll answer your sex and love questions along with the great team at Ann Summers.

You can tweet me @drpamspurr using the hashtag #AskDrPam and include @Ann_Summers - tweet anytime til Wednesday 245 p.m.

And if you're feeling shy then email your question to my site homepage.

It'll be lovely to hear from you, take care, Pamx

Friends minding their own business. And off to the Edinburgh festival

19/08/2014

Heading up to Scotland to see lots of shows – mainly comedy - and can't wait. It’s been so busy at work trying to get ready to go but I’ve just posted a new Agony Aunt question about minding your own business and friendships. Check it out on my homepage at dilemma of the week if you think it might apply to your life.

Thanks so much for your emails - I wish I could answer all of them.

Have a great week, take care of yourself, Pamx

 

Talking news, views plus emotional eating on BBC radio London tonight

18/08/2014

Delighted to talk news and current affairs plus about my latest book The Emotional Eater’s Diet tonight on my good friend Simon Lederman’s BBC radio London show from 11 PM till midnight.

Hope you’ll join in the chat with your views on the stories we talk about.

TODAY’S TIP: Occasionally it’s worthwhile treating news stories as learning experiences - what happened in the story, what would you have done differently, what could have resolved the issue, and so on.

it’s good way to discipline the brain cells.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Punching above your weight? Discussing on ITV. And Infidelity and betrayal PLUS giveaway

15/08/2014

Heading into This Morning on ITV to discuss “punching above your weight” with Marvin and Rochelle Humes (can't wait to meet them) - this is where two people get together and others are judgemental believing that one is far more attractive than the other. I always say it’s what’s in your heart and mind that counts!

We’re doing a phone-in at 11:40 AM.

Also my online Sun newspaper column, the Pleasure Zone, is out today and it’s all about love cheats. There have been so many stories of betrayal in the press and I’ve included some tips on how to prevent things going in that direction. I'll post a link when it goes live on their website

TODAY’S TIP: I hope the tips help and if you’re in a relationship you have some quality time with your partner this weekend.

Have a good one, Pamx

Emotional eating and your personality

14/08/2014

In this week’s Now magazine I’ve written an article on introversion and extroversion and how it can affect your emotional eating. In my new book The Emotional Eater’s Diet I cover a lot of issues about how your personality potentially affects emotional eating.

TODAY’S TIP: In the meantime if you’re an extrovert who feels you always have to entertain people or you’re an introvert who feels you can’t speak up and you can start changing from today.

As an extrovert you can pause, reflect and listen to what other people have to say and as an introvert you can practice voicing your opinions.

Day by day you can change to where you feel emotionally happy with how you express yourself. You’ll then be less likely to emotionally eat.

Best of luck, Pamx

Discussing ignorance about depression. And dilemmas, dilemmas, dilemmas

13/08/2014

At 11 AM UK time I'm discussing our attitudes towards depression after the tragic suicide of Robin Williams on Jon Gaunt's programme on Fubar radio - an Internet station. I hope you can listen in.

Over to my Agony Aunt work...in my monthly column with Magnet magazine I’ve covered a variety of dilemmas. Here’s the link if you like reading questions and answers… and maybe there’s a tip in there that’s helpful to you.

Take care of your dear self, Pamx

 

It's out to the Big Brother studios tonight

11/08/2014

I can't believe tonight is the last psych slot I'll do for this series before the celebrity series starts next week. It's shot by and I've loved chatting to Rylan about this extraordinary group of housemates. It might be the last slot but and there's so much to discuss tonight!

TODAY’S TIP: Back to our real lives – There have been various apologies made in the house - and there's been some question over how genuine they are. You make it far easier on yourself when you've done something wrong or hurt someone's feelings, etc., and apologise in a genuine way. Trust me you'll feel better for it.

Take care, happy Monday, Pamx

Dilemma: I always have to initiate sex.

08/08/2014

We always assume that the men will always do the initiating when it comes to sex and it’s not always the case. In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I tackle one woman’s dilemma about always being the one to initiate it. 

TODAY’S TIP: If you’re in this situation I hope the advice helps. When it comes to who 'initiates' it's almost always possible to encourage a little bit more from the partner who doesn't seem to like to or feels a bit shy about it. It might take some effort and ingenuity but it's worth trying.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

A few thoughts on a Big Brother question...

06/08/2014

If you've been watching this summer's Big Brother in the UK you'll know that Winston, Ash and Helen hang out together and I've been asked why they often sit with Helen in the middle.

In terms of gender dynamics and behaviour, when you have two men and one woman, the woman tends to sit in the middle. This goes deep into unconscious behaviour where it's quite natural for the woman to be "protected" in this way. If there was any threat to the group she would be between the two males.

Also some research suggests that right-handed women will sit with a favoured male on their left so if they turn towards him they can use their right hand for grooming behaviour. However this isn't always the case and different seating arrangements don't necessarily mean anything significant. And from memory I can't remember if Ash usually sits on Helen's left.

I think (from memory) the guys swap sides because the housemates come in and out of the group so often at the smoking area. Plus lately there's been more physical and relationship distance between Winston and Helen - he's frequently in a separate chair and not seated on the outside sofa.

The dynamic of these three sitting together in the Big Brother house is slightly different because Helen is a very strong character - although much of that so-called "strength" comes from wanting to protect her vulnerability. And as she started life in the house in the role of a very loud and out spoken "Queen bee", the men sat around her like her "deputies" or "sergeants at arms" - a description that's not far off considering the heated arguments in the first few weeks in the house.

To his credit Winston has on occasion stood up to Helen – most significantly after Girl Power week when she had a right go at Ashleigh.

Ash to a lesser extent has occasionally cajoled her to behave better - even as early as the first week when Helen was having a go at Jale for staring at her, etc.

But it was too little, too late to stop some of the worst rows in the first few weeks. And that's too bad because as I pointed out on Monday night's programme Helen's started going through the transitional stages - the Cake of Change :) - and might've started going through them earlier and become a calmer person sooner.

I think they didn't step in more strongly in the early days because of not wanting to look like argumentative people to the viewers plus they didn't want to risk their place in Helen's hierarchy. And they didn't want Helen to turn her guns on them! Now she's shown she's better able to handle conflict without blowing up.

It's an interesting question and social-group research suggests that the way people seat themselves gives away lots about their place in the hierarchy...where are you sitting today?

Happy Wednesday, Pamx

Back out to Big Brother studios tonight

04/08/2014

Rylan and I will be chatting about Big Brother housemates tonight - can't wait, always so much to discuss.

Over the weekend lots of interesting things happened that give us plenty to debate. Interesting how Zoe seem to be a larger-than-life character but being a newbie meant her absence was barely noticed.

TODAY’S TIP: Back to our real lives and a lesson from this – sometimes when you want to make an impression it's far better not to try too hard.

Happy Monday, Pamx

 

Talk radio after 120PM. Plus a word of warning about turning a fantasy into reality...

02/08/2014

At 120 today I'm a guest on Jon Gaunt's show on Fubar radio. Check it out its uncensored Internet radio. We are covering a range of stories including the psychology behind conspiracy theories.

In yesterday's Sun newspaper I've commented on this story about the woman who read the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy and decided to recreate it in real life.

Here's the story with my comment at the end.

Happy Saturday, Pamx

Tips for National Orgasm Day. Also horrifying revenge porn story...

31/07/2014

Here's a 'gift' from me to you - an article with lots of tips for you for National Orgasm Day. Much more fun celebrating this day than things like National Sandwich Day!

On a serious note there has been increasing warnings about revenge porn stories which torment the victims. In today's Sun newspaper is one such story and at the end of it I've given some comment on the perpetrators.

Today's Tip: If you and a partner enjoy taking racy snaps of each other or filming yourselves make sure you hang onto it. Delete it after you've enjoyed it or keep it safe because you never know when a breakup might happen and your ex uses this against you.

Be aware and safe, take care, Pamx

Should marriage be on short-term contracts?

30/07/2014

I’m discussing a proposal on BBC radio Tees about whether marriage should be on short-term contracts - quite frankly why get married if you don’t have the slightest desire to see it as a long term loving relationship.

It’ll be an interesting chat after 10:45 AM this morning.

TODAY’S TIP: If your partner suggests some sort of trial period then it seems cohabiting may be the way forward for you two. Bear in mind the statistics show that couples who cohabit before marriage are more likely to divorce.

Seems bizarre, I know, and goes against what we logically think. But I guess it suggests that if you cohabit first, one or both of you might already have doubts about the long-term.

Look after each other and your relationship, Pamx

Dilemma: I'm falling for a game player. Back out to Big Brother studios tonight?

28/07/2014

Hasn’t everyone fallen for a bad boy at some point? So-called players can be a bit irresistible and in my Miss Independent Woman website ‘Love Doc’ page this week I’ve answered one woman’s dilemma about this. Hope you find it helpful

Without giving the details of what Rylan and I are chatting about tonight at Bit on the Side let's just say there are many behavioural and emotional aspects to the housemates this week to discuss.

The power trip returned in such a big way last week and the repercussions and changes in the house since Friday night's eviction of Steven rumble on.

TODAY’S TIP: Back to our real lives – one thing we should learn from the housemates about how not to treat others is not to judge them too fast. They seem to have completely misjudged new housemate Pav who seems far less confident then his pre-entry VAT and is finding it hard going.

The old saying 'don't judge a book', etc., continues to be true.

Take care, Pamx

The sun, sea and sex of holiday romances

25/07/2014

Today on the Love Doc slot on Heart North and Wales I’m discussing holiday romances with Spence and Fiona. They are the most fun breakfast show team - if you have a chance to listen to them on the net and you want a giggle then do.

We’re talking the dos and don’ts of holiday flings at 8:10 AM. 

TODAY’S TIP: Remember you’ve got your holiday-head on when you’re abroad and it’s easy to make decisions that you regret. Have fun but play safe.

Enjoy the weekend, Pamx

Giving a chat on sex after the baby to parents. Plus a body image dilemma...

24/07/2014

I’m so looking forward to chatting to a group of mothers at Shoreditch House this morning about life-after-baby including having a sex life after the baby arrives. At the chat I'll be sharing information about sex toys from Ann Summers as well as the fantastic LELO products - and demonstrate two of their range- if you're looking for a luxurious sex toy find out more here.

It’s Thursday and National Agony Aunt Day is back - thanks for your emails and I’ve answered one from ‘Louisa’ about feeling fat and ugly in bed - those are her words not mine.

I hope you find my advice is helpful to her if you’re struggling with body image issues.

To love yourself - start by liking yourself, Pamx

 

Caught up in the passion of a whirlwind? Plus fantastic GIVEAWAY!

22/07/2014

With news of Cheryl Cole’s wedding after three months of dating (although evidently they’ve known each other for longer) whirlwind love and relationships have been on everyone’s minds.

In my Sun newspaper online column today – The Pleasure Zone - I’ve written about whirlwind passion and also when people have sex a bit sooner than they plan to.

Do check the lovely giveaway Ann Summers have provided me to 2 lucky winners.

TODAY’S TIP: Whirlwind feelings aren’t always equal and if you’re being pressured by someone to jump into living together or getting married too soon then do listen to your all-important intuition. If they really love you in a mature way (and not an immature demanding way) they’ll wait for the right time.

Happy TUesday, Pamx

Off to Borehamwood TV studios to chat about Big Brother

21/07/2014

Without revealing what I'm going to discuss with Rylan tonight let's just say there are plenty of things going on with the housemates to analyse.

Armageddon week lived up to its promise of causing extra stress and we saw various stress reactions in the housemates.

TODAY’S TIP: Back to real life – if you're going through a period of high stress make sure you connect with those people who understand you and that you can lean on.

Often there is a particular person in life who is very good when we're overly-stressed so spend some time with them and let them know how much you appreciate them.

Take care,Pamx

Chatting Royals. And in celebration of Prince Georges first birthday on Tuesday

19/07/2014

In today’s Sun newspaper there is a special pull-out celebrating Little George’s first birthday. It was a lot of fun doing the body language analysis of the family for the special celebration pull-out.

If it goes live on their website I will put the link here later.

At about 11:45 AM this morning I’m talking to Jon Gaunt on Fubar radio about the Royals - he’s always a lively host and I thoroughly enjoyed being interviewed by him!

Happy weekend, Pamx

Its back to the Big Brother studios tonight

16/07/2014

The upheaval in the Big Brother house has far reaching implications and I'm looking forward to chatting about it with the lovely Emma Willis tonight. Armageddon week's started and some of the housemates don't know how to cope with it - paranoia's on the increase.

TODAY’S TIP: Back to real life again – if unpredictable things are happening in your life maybe with your partner or work-life - remember you can manage them best by controlling your responses to them.

Once you decide you can help shape your own destiny - and what's happening with these changes - you cope much better. Good luck!

Pamx

 

The ups and downs of whirlwind relationships

15/07/2014

With Cheryl Cole in the news having got married within three months of meeting her French boyfriend people are interested in what goes on with whirlwind relationships.

I did a piece on This Morning television with the lovely Ruth Langsford and Eamon Holmes about the rollercoaster ride of whirlwind relationships. 

TODAY’S TIP: Some can be so successful and full of love - but first and foremost if you’re plunging into a whirlwind marriage (or maybe just moving in together after a very short time) stop and ask yourself what the rush is? Are you doing so because you truly think you’ve met your soulmate or are you doing so for reason like feeling insecure and wanting to tie them down?

That’s the starting point for giving your whirlwind relationship the best possible chance.

Look after each other, Pamx

He's too close to his ex

11/07/2014

Ex-partners have a lot to answer for when it comes to relationship problems… many people complain about isssues like when an ex can't let go, etc.

Then again, if a person spends too much time with their ex - when they're in a new relationship - that’s can also be a real problem. In my Miss Independent Woman magazine column today I’ve answered one woman’s dilemma about this. 

TODAY’S TIP: time to have full and frank 'ex-related' conversations if you’re in this situation. You can be made miserable knowing your partner's going off spending time with their ex. That truly is having their cake and eating it. Hope my advice in the column is helpful.

Take care, Pamx

I want to take up lapdancing to earn extra cash but

10/07/2014

It’s National Agony Aunt Day as I call it – thank you for your emails - I wish I could answer them all but I’ve chosen one today about one woman’s career decision that has caused problems with her boyfriend. Please check my homepage for my advice to her at “the dilemma I’ve answered this week”.

TODAY’S TIP: Ultimately people make choices that sometimes the partners don’t like but I think when your emotional well-being is at stake you need to think carefully. Also understand how a partner might feel about you doing something quite extreme.

Best of luck, Pamx

Some key aspects to emotional eating. Plus falling in love with a convicted murderer...

09/07/2014

I'm absolutely delighted that the Sun newspaper extracted some passages from my new book for their health section. Their extract highlighted some key aspects to emotional eating.

I hope you find it helpful reading it - there are far too many people who resort to comfort food when they need emotional comfort.

Also in today's Sun newspaper I've commented on why some women fall in love with convicted murderers. This often happens due to an interesting mix of personal characteristics.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Back at the Big Brother studios tonight...

07/07/2014

Mondays whizz around and seeing as this series of Big Brother has been absolutely  packed with action it's must impossible to decide what to cover. But Rylan Clark is fantastic at guiding our chats together and I'm looking forward to seeing him.

It continues to be an emotional roller coaster in there for the housemates.

TODAY’S TIP: When things are pressured in your life it can really helped take yourself out of the situation from 10 minutes, just go outside and calm down. It really does work and some of the housemates this year have used this so they don't end up in slanging matches.

A little break helps get the physical and mental tension out of your body and mind.

Happy Monday, Pamx

World Kissing Day tips! Get spontaneous and get a better sex life PLUS giveaway

04/07/2014

The other day I promised the link to my article for World Kissing Day (on July 6th) and why kissing actually benefit your health. Here's the link - you don't need to wait till Sunday to get the well-being boost from puckering up.

Over to spontaneity...as a big new survey reveals how important being spontaneous is to keeping a loving feeling between you I’ve got lots of tips for you in my Sun newspaper online column, the Pleasure Zone.

It really takes so little effort to lift your relationship above the mundane. 

Also good luck being one of the winners for the two giveaways from Ann Summers in my column today.

TODAY’S TIP: Remember there are many romantic things you can do that cost little or nothing - even spoiling them with a surprise romantic picnic at your local Park or beauty spot this weekend is a fantastic way to start.

Happy loving and have a great weekend, Pamx

She wants his babies but hes unclear about wanting children...

03/07/2014

It’s Thursday and it’s National Agony Aunt Day as I call it - thank you so much for a variety of questions. Today I’ve answered one from Susan (a made up name) about an important dilemma - the man she loves isn’t clear whether or not he wants children.

TODAY’S TIP: If you’re in this situation please check it on my homepage at the dilemma I’ve answered this week.

This takes real, honest communication and I hope you two can get there, best, Pamx

The surge in sex toy sales. And from an emotional crush on a GP to a rampant fantasy

02/07/2014

There has been a massive surge in sex toy sales - not only can this be linked to the ‘50 shades’ phenomenon from a couple years back but also people have discovered just how much they can help your sex life.

In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on these changes in attitudes - and how we’re much more open about buying sex toys. So if you haven't already, go on try one.

Over to agony problems - the column I write for Magnet magazine every month is out and I’ll post a link to that here too later on.

The column covers a variety of problems and this month’s includes a woman with an emotional crush on her GP to someone wanting to share their rampant fantasy.

TODAY’S TIP: No matter what the problem you’re facing, always take time to think about what type of solution you want. What would be the best outcome? What solution helps everyone involved?

If you can tackle the problem almost like tackling something logistical (like planning a trip abroad) it can take some of the sting out of thinking about it.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Pucker up to boost your well-being

01/07/2014

Never has there been a better reason for some colossal kissing. Research into what happens when we kiss has found a number of benefits for our well-being. On Sunday it’s World Kissing Day and in honour of it I’ve written a piece in today’s Sun newspaper. I'll post a link when it goes live on their site later.

TODAY’S TIP: If you’re with someone new never lunge at them take it slow and easy and if you’re with a long-term partner and you’ve stopped kissing try rekindling it first with a good night kiss and good morning kiss. Get all those lovely feelgood hormones swirling in your system from sensational snogs.

Pucker up sweetheart, Pamx

Looking forward to heading out Big Brother Studios tonight

30/06/2014

It’s Monday and that means it's back out to the Big Brother compound to chat with the lovely Rylan Claark about the housemates’ behaviour in the Monday night psych slot.

It continues to kick off in there with the power vacuum - there isn't a strong hierarchy in this year's house - and some of the housemates don't even realise the way they make power plays to dominate things. We have so much to talk about.

TODAY’S TIP: One phrase that keeps coming up this year's 'I have to tell it like it is' and as Emma Willis said on one of the programmes (and as I always say) there is a line between being honest and just being downright rude and a lot of these housemates don't know that line.

Don't feel you have to tell everyone all the time what you think when it's something negative – you don't.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Are you ever too old for certain fashions? An unwanted proposal?

26/06/2014

It’s the season of weddings and that means there have been plenty of engagements. Not everyone wants to get engaged though and in my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc column this week I answer one woman’s dilemma. She overheard her boyfriend saying he wanted to propose… and that’s the last thing on her mind.

I hope my advice is helpful if you’re in this situation - here's the link.

Today at 8:05 AM on my love doc slot with Spence and Fiona on the Heart North breakfast I absolutely don’t buy into this ‘having to dress your age’ business – people should have fun with what they wear and psychological studies show that if you dress your age - in the way we traditionally judge how someone should dress ‘their age’ - then you’re more likely to feel your age. So dressing younger gives you a natural lift and that’s a good thing.

Life is far too short to let other people judge what you should wear - and how boring would it be if everybody conformed to the same fashions?

TODAY’S TIP: the only advice I would give is dress as young as you want to but choose the styles that flatter your best attribute and that you feel confident in.

 Have fun with fashion, take care, Pamx

What type of emotional eater are you?

25/06/2014

In my new book The Emotional Eater’s Diet I outline four emotional eater profiles based on the many interviews I did. Identifying your own profile is a fantastic starting place for overcoming emotional eating.

In today’s Daily Mail online I’ve written an article about identifying your profile – take the quiz and I hope the advice is helpful

TODAY’S TIP: Remember if you identify what’s eating away at you then you start to control why you’re emotionally eating.

Look after yourself, Pamx

Off to the Big Brother studios again tonight

23/06/2014

It’s Monday and so it's back to chat to the fabulous Rylan about the housemates’ behaviour in the Monday night psych slot.

It all kicked off in last night’s show and one thing about this series that’s striking is although they all claim to know how Big Brother works so many of the housemates are letting their behaviour work against them. Ultimately this reveals a lack of self-awareness.

TODAY’S TIP: One thing as viewers we can learn from this is to stop and think before you say something in a tricky or difficult situation. If the other person was saying what you were saying - how would it make you feel - and what would you think of them and their character?

By taking yourself outside of yourself and trying to examine how your behaviour comes across you gain more self-awareness. It’s something we all have a journey on and are constantly learning.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Some sex tips to score with...

20/06/2014

Crushing for the England team and fans last night. Now we just need a miracle with the Italy v Costa Rica game and then we'll see.

But quite apart from the score sadly I’m already hearing from neglected partners whose other halves are glued to the World Cup. So this week in my Sun newspaper online column, the Pleasure Zone, I’ve tackled this topic and provided lots of tips for squeezing in a little between-game fun.

Happy loving and have a happy weekend, Pamx

Considering an office romance? Think carefully

19/06/2014

National Agony Aunt Day is back today (thanks for your emails) and I’ve chosen a question about office romances because these are so common. It is for obvious reasons one of the top three ways people meet a future partner - the other two being introduced by friends or online.

Check my advice to one woman’s dilemma on the homepage at my answer to this week’s dilemma.

TODAY’S TIP: if you work for a multinational company you’re more likely to find that in your contract it says you can strike up relationships at work. Make sure you’re informed.

Happy hunting for the love of your life, Pamx

Thinking of a threesome? And are you too anxious to have the breakup conversation?

18/06/2014

If you’re thinking of having a threesome - like one in 10 people have - then check out the piece in the Sun newspaper today about threesomes where I’ve commented. The stats are pretty surprising - lots of couples are trying three-way fun.

Onto breakups: too many people get anxious about breaking up with someone to the point where they try and force a breakup without actually facing the issue. Of course it’s never nice to have a conversation where you’re saying you don’t want to be with someone – it’s a basic rejection.

But you grow as a person when you learn to handle these things instead of some of the “nifty” ways to leave your lover I get told in my line of work. At 8:05 AM this morning I’m revealing some of these on my ‘love doc’ slot with Spence and Fiona at Heart radio North Wales and West.

I hope you can listen in online.

TODAY’S TIP: if you need to give someone this bad news then choose your moment wisely, make sure it’s not ‘alcohol fuelled’ so you end up saying the wrong thing. Then tactfully let them know why you’re moving on. You don’t have to tear their heart apart but you also should be able to face these things as a grown-up.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Here I go again - out to the Big Brother spinoff show tonight

16/06/2014

So much has been happening with the new Big Brother series and the lovely Rylan and I will have tons to chat about. The power trip has really done things upside down with the housemates’ and created a lot of paranoia.

TODAY’S TIP: Let’s bring this back to real life – if you’re an environment, like your work environment, where there are unpredictable things happening like big changes in your company remember you can only we control your own responses to them.

When you decide you will be in charge of your own behaviour you can ride out any storm much easier.

Happy Monday, Pamx

 

A few cheeky tips from me on getting their attention during the World Cuip...

12/06/2014

There’s a special free edition of the Sun newspaper going out across the country today which has everything you need to know about the World Cup including a few cheeky tips from me about your relationship. But here are my full tips before they were shortened:

Self-help expert Dr Pam Spurr gets your relationship through the World Cup

Although many women are looking forward to the World Cup one survey found 40% will grieve the start of it knowing his attention will be focused on the action.

There are obvious ploys to drag him away from the telly coverage and his endless comments on social networks chronicling every development. For instance, you could suggest showing him some moves you learnt at that pole dancing class.

But this’ll only grab his attention for the moment and do you want to end up pole-dancing for him every night? That's a career not a relationship.

If your partner (male or female) will morph into a World Cup zombie drawn to anything with a footie logo or emblem, you can make your relationship stronger rather than let the World Cup break it. Try these tips:

Develop a new attitude: Many partners who aren’t into footie dread the World Cup sighing it’ll take over our life. Turn this attitude around and see it as a temporary change in your relationship - it’s not forever. Hang onto this attitude and apply it to any stressful change in your lives - like moving house or starting a new job.

Cup half-full: If you take a ‘cup half-empty’ approach you’ll only see the negatives of your partner revelling in the World Cup. Instead be a ‘cup half-full’ person - see their passion as something good that they enjoy.

Fulfil your needs: Keeping their passion in mind, use this time developing your own interests or spending more time with friends/family. Doing something positive for yourself while they’re taken up in the tide of footie has lasting benefits. You realise it’s okay for you to follow separate pursuits.

Don’t fight social networking: Having your comments about events like the World Cup ‘liked’ or re-tweeted on social networks gives a real buzz. Instead of saying your partner’s posts are stupid let them enjoy the moment. Highlight their best ones and remind them ‘less can be more’ on social networks.

Don’t make it a power battle: If there are already stresses in your relationship don’t turn the World Cup into a power battle. They’ll only resent you more for trying to take away the fun in their life. Far better to make positive suggestions about other issues you wrangle over, leaving the footie out of it.

Compromise is key: Suggest compromise activities you both enjoy and slot these into the diary when there aren’t ‘must watch’ World Cup events. If your partner tries wriggling out remind them how positive you’ve been about their viewing. Keep it light, fun, and flirty with these activities so they’re feel-good moments with you.

Give them centre stage: When sorting these compromise plans definitely ask your partner for their suggestions and input. A careful choice of positive words makes them feel you value their opinion.

Sex can be your ultimate weapon: If the situation’s getting desperate and you haven’t had any attention take a hot shower, then parade in front of your partner allowing your towel to ‘accidentally’ drop and laugh seductively. You might find the action moves into the bedroom.

Finally score a hat-trick with your partner - after the footie’s over run them a hot bath, bring them their favourite drink, and massage their shoulders while they relax in the bubbles. This taste of paradise should prick their conscience to give you more attention.

Ultimately if big football events cause real problems for your relationship prevention is always better than cure. Well before the 2016 European Cup sit down and discuss compromising and how to make each other feel loved up even if you’re pursuing separate interests during the entire cup.

Dr Pam’s on Twitter @drpamspurr

Enjoy the footie and look after each other, Pamx

Emotional eating does this sound like you?

10/06/2014

Many people aren’t sure what emotional eating is so in an article I’ve written for the Good to Know website I’ve given a flavour of what emotional eating is all about.

Please do check it and there is lots of advice at the end of the article.

Look after your emotional self and sort out your emotional eating, Pam X



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Make or break sex PLUS Big Brothers Bit on the Side here I come

09/06/2014

At 10 AM I'm talking to the BBC radio presenter Mike Parr at BBC radio Tees about how sex can become a make or break issue for a couple. Hope you can listen in and get in touch to his show with your experience or view.

Over to Big Brother...things are already happening in the Big Brother UK house and I’m getting ready for my first Big Brother’s Bit on the Side expert slot.

Love being interviewed by Rylan who's filling in for Emma Willis tonight - he always wants to get to the bottom of the housemates behaviour in his irreverent, funny way.

TODAY’S TIP: When you check out body language or behaviour always watch for a baseline - that a person’s baseline behaviour when they’re pretty calm and relaxed. Once you know their baseline you can tell when they’re getting anxious, emotional, angry, etc.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Hot tips for your honeymoon or naughty weekend + GIVEAWAY + emotional eating info!

06/06/2014

As June is such a popular month for weddings - and I hear so many couples complain their honeymoon wasn’t special I’ve decided to tackle this in my Sun newspaper online column, the Pleasure Zone. I’ll post a link when it goes live on their website.

There’s also a fabulous giveaway from Ann Summers so do check it out.

Plus today my article on impulsivity and how it relates to emotional eating is on MSN Lifestyle. I hope you find it helpful

There are plenty of tips in both my column and this article so I hope there are helpful.

Have a fabulous weekend, back here on Monday when I’ll be getting ready for my first Big Brother’s Bit on the Side expert slot - hurray! Pamx

 

Tips for parents who want to discuss the birds and bees with their children

04/06/2014

Many parents find it difficult tackling “the big talk” with their children. What they don’t realise is simply being straightforward about it takes any embarrassment out and will really help your children.

In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve given some tips on how to do this with different age groups. I’ll post a link here when it goes live on their website.

TODAY’S TIP: in the meantime we must remember that the embarrassment we feel in our culture discussing these important things with children is very much about our culture – in other cultures is very straightforward thing helping children understand how their bodies work and how a woman becomes pregnant.

Spare your blushes – just be straightforward.

Best wishes, Pamx

There are so many issues we face in life....

03/06/2014

It was lovely to go to a comedy show recording at BBC Radio 4 last night - always reminds me how we all need to have a laugh every day in some form or other.

My agony aunt work makes me think this is even more crucial to our wellbeing. Here's my column for June in Magnet magazine. Go to their 'current issue' and 'page selection' and it's on page 52.

In the monthly column we always tackle a range of issues.

TODAY’S TIP: Whatever issue you’re facing there is one thought you should hang onto - that you can always manage some sort of solution, even a partial solution, or if not it’s at the very least a learning experience and then you can just move on.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

BBC radio interview at 140 PM today on getting to grips with your emotional eating

02/06/2014

I’m so looking forward to talking to the BBC radio presenter Simon Logan today on BBC radio Newcastle at 1:40 PM. Simon is a great interview and I’m sure we’ll explore many aspects to emotional eating when we talk about my new book The Emotional Eater’s Diet.

I hope you can listen in on the net if you’re not in northern England!

TODAY’S TIP: if you’re an emotional eater start turning around any negative thinking that you can’t get on top of things in your life, that you will always be an emotional eater – you won’t and you can change things.

Have a lovely start your week, Pamx

Lunchtime radio chat. Plus a very dark and disturbing issue

31/05/2014

The murderous rampage that Elliott Rogers went on California last week has left people reeling and it’s a shocking revelation that he was part of a disturbing subculture of men who absolutely hate women. Some of these men have actually applauded his murders - such sickening behaviour is unbelievable.

I’ve commented on this today in the Sun newspaper . Please note I have wrongly been credited as being a "psychiatrist" in the article when I am a psychologist.

This is such a terribly dark subject that needs to be addressed.

At 12 PM today I'm joining the radio presenter Jon Gaunt to discuss my new book The Emotional Eater's Diet (on my homepage, top right) as well as recent reports on obesity and how we should handle this crisis. Hope you'll listen in to his Fubar radio show.

Take care of you and yours and have a great weekend, Pamx

Why the Brazilians love a beautiful bottom

29/05/2014

In today’s Sun newspaper Desmond Morris and I have commented on why a beautiful bottom is practically a Brazilian obsession. Here's the link so you can see the reasoning.

TODAY’S TIP: in the meantime if you’ve got a lovely round bottom be proud of it, don’t try and disguise it, so many people find them attractive.

Keep your body image positive - as long as you are fit and healthy love your curves.

Take care, Pamx

Discussing The Emotional Eater's Diet last night...

28/05/2014

I always enjoyed being interviewed by Graham Torrington BBC radio presenter as he likes to get to the nitty-gritty of an issue. Last night we had a wide ranging chat about my new book and covered various aspects of how people start emotional eating, how many don't even realise they're doing it, how to start identifying the emotional triggers that set you off and many other aspects of this.

If you're an emotional eater I hope my book helps. I've put my heart and soul into it - researching studies into emotional eating, interviewing many emotional eaters and of course I once went through a phase of emotional eating.

Please look after your emotional life so you can look after your needs meaning you won't turn to comfort food to try and fulfil those needs.

Happy Wednesday, best, Pamx

New parents find its a game of hide and seek with their sex lives plus giveaway!

27/05/2014

So many people I know are having babies and I decided to write a fun column for my Sun newspaper online column - the Pleasure Zone. 

TODAY’S TIP: If you’re a parent to be or a new parent already do check it out because there are lots of tips to help keep things sizzling and a loving feeling between you two.

Have a lovely three-day weekend, back here on Tuesday, Pamx

Pre wedding jitters lead Rory McIlroy to end things could it happen to you? Plus radio tonight!

21/05/2014

I’m so looking forward to being a guest on Simon Lederman’s BBC London radio show tonight from 11 PM till midnight. We’ll review the papers and talk about my new book The Emotional Eater’s Diet. I hope you can join in as he does like interaction with Twitter and email, etc.

Now it’s just been reported that Rory McIlroy has broken off his engagement with Caroline Wozniacki – a very unhappy time for this couple and as he has explained his just not ready for getting married.

Interestingly he mentioned that it was sending out the wedding invitations that caused him the anxiety leading to the breakup. I’ve just posted an article about pre-wedding jitters on my homepage at “hot off the press”.

I hope the tips are helpful, good luck, Pamx

 

 

In honour of Big Brother about to start in the UK...

20/05/2014

With Big Brother set to return to our screens in June I've finally posted some photos on my homepage from the last Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side series in January. It was a blinder of a series and here's hoping this summer's housemates are lots of fun to watch.

It's all starting for The Emotional Eater's Diet...+ Your fantasies!

19/05/2014

In today's Sun newspaper I've commented on a big survey about fantasies - wonder if it will ring true with you?

It’s an exciting and busy time as I start radio interviews about my new book, The Emotional Eater’s Diet, kicking off last night speaking to the fabulously Sue Marchant at BBC radio Cambridgeshire.

I hope today you can join me speaking to the wonderful Peter Levy on BBC Radio Humberside at 12:20 PM this afternoon. Or a bit later speaking to Selina Mackenzie at Talk Europe radio at 1:40 PM. The details will be on my twitter timeline later today.

TODAY’S TIP: Just think, if you’re trying to overcome emotional eating, if you make one change to your behaviour and eating patterns each week that’s 52 incredible changes over a year – this is the diet for life not just for the “bikini season”.

Look after your emotional life and you look after your whole life, Pamx

My new book out next week! Should you get a prenup

16/05/2014

Very excited that my new book The Emotional Eater's Diet will finally be out next week - the container ship carrying the books for the warehouse here hit bad weather near China so they were delayed.

Watch out for special giveaways on Twitter (if you follow me) in the coming weeks!

I have strong feelings about prenups - on the whole I’m against them though many lawyers wouldn’t agree. Evidently it may become mandatory for couples to sign one if one person has a great deal of wealth. I think no one should be forced to sign them and couples should have a choice.

We’re discussing this on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:10 AM with Spence and Fiona on the Heart West and Wales breakfast show.

TODAY’S TIP: it’s never a good idea to walk down the aisle with trust issues. Sort these out before it gets to that stage and maybe you can avoid a prenup.

Personally I never would’ve agreed to one but if you’re considering doing so you should speak to a lawyer if you’ve been asked to sign one.

The only time I think they’re worthwhile is in whirlwind relationships - like Katie Price and her latest husband signed. When it’s been a whirlwind there hasn’t been the time to allow trust to build.

Then again why get married after a whirlwind relationship? Unless perhaps she’s fallen pregnant and wants to be married - or other reasons where there’ll be big changes quickly between you.

Look after yourself, have a great weekend, back here on Monday, Pamx

Perfectionism and cosmetic surgery plus are fathers neglected?

14/05/2014

Chatting to Graham Torrington on BBC West Midlands radio at 10:40 PM tonight about fathers and whether people tend to neglect their dads.

Now I come across perfectionism quite frequently in my work and it eats away at the person’s self-esteem – they strive to be as perfect as possible whether in their behaviour or in their looks. In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on one case of a young man whose perfectionism has led him to spend so much money on cosmetic treatments. 

Also today in my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page I’ve tackled one woman’s dilemma about emotional eating due to the stress she has at work. I hope my advice helps.

TODAY’S TIP: Please check out the link above for a few tips if you’re experiencing work stress and are seeking comfort in food.

Look after yourself, Pamx

Make things a bit Fifty Shades of Grey in the bedroom! Plus unlucky in love?

09/05/2014

Singer and now actress Rita Ora is so often in the press and recently it was reported that she likes a bit of whip-action in the bedroom. No surprise after her acting debut in the forthcoming Fifty0 Shades of Grey film.

I’m often asked about how to bring this type of fun into the bedroom so this week in my Sun newspaper online column, the Pleasure Zone, I’ve got lots of tips for you to try out. 

TODAY’S TIP: My first tip is to check out how to play-safe - you want to have fun but you don’t want to have any accidents.

Now with the breakdown of Katie Price’s marriage all over the papers many people are saying she’s just unlucky in love. Today I’m discussing whether or not you can be luckier unlucky in love on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 7:50 AM with Spence and Fiona on the Heart North and mid-Wales breakfast show.

So looking forward to the Autism’s Got Talent event tomorrow night at the Mermaid Theatre London - it’s going to be fantastic helping to present the many talented people who are performing.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

Please join me for a live web chat 1 PM today UK time

08/05/2014

I’m so excited to do another web chat at the Sun newspaper at 1 PM today. There is still time to get your questions in to this link.

Because I’ll be tackling semi dilemmas today National Agony Aunt Day will happen again next Thursday.

As well as answering your love, sex and life questions I have a wonderful giveaway from luxury vibrator manufacturer LELO of Sweden for two lucky people. There's one Tiani3 and one Ora vibrator to giveaway both retail @ £119 See the link above for details and good luck.

And see you later, best, Pamx 

Webchat tomorrow! Plus a dilemma about a gift she found tasteless...

07/05/2014

Join me tomorrow at the Sun newspaper for a live web chat where answers your sex, love and life questions. I also have a fun giveaway from LELO luxury vibrators so check the Sun link!

Gifts that are well intended often have the opposite effect. And in my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I’ve tackled one woman’s dilemma about the underwear her boyfriend bought her.

She thinks they look like something a hooker would wear - he probably couldn’t wait to see her in them! If you’ve had a gift that offended you rather than pleasing you I hope my advice helps.

TODAY’S TIP: Remember when you buy a gift for someone it’s about their likes and dislikes – not your own. If you love something that much buy it for yourself (where relevant) or if you really want to get them something you like (like this woman’s boyfriend) but that they may not like, get them two gifts. One gift for their taste and one for yours.

Good luck with the gift giving, Pamx

 

Shes concerned about her one night stands

29/04/2014

Many people have fun with one night stands but others find it’s tricky territory. In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I’ve tackled one woman’s dilemma about feeling addicted to one night stands.

I hope this link helps you if you’re concerned about this in your life.

TODAY’S TIP: My rule of thumb for these types of issues is that if you’re worried about it then there’s probably something to be worried about.

Do seek advice from your doctor for a referral to a counsellor or get in touch with one of the helping organisations like Sex Addicts Anonymous.

I'm off to Rome tomorrow for a little cultural adventure - back on Monday - have a lovely long weekend!

Take care of yourself, Pamx

If youre interested in body language

26/04/2014

It’s easy to forget how much we will read other people’s body language just going about our daily life. Doesn’t mean we necessarily good at it but most people can grasp subtle nuances in someone’s behaviour, thoughts and feelings from non-verbal communication.

In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on William and Kate’s body language on their recent tour down under. I’ll post a link here when it goes live on their website.

TODAY’S TIP: Think of your intuition that lights up within you about someone as you having picked up subtle signals from their behaviour. Often our intuition is very much based on what we’ve picked up from their body language.

Go with it and let it guide your reactions.

Happy Saturday, Pamx

Work flirt alert....

25/04/2014

As the new morning ITV breakfast show hits the screens on Monday one of the presenters Susanna Reid gave an interview about the on-screen chemistry she’ll have with co-presenter Ben Shephard.

No eyebrows raised they are because flirting at work is practically a national institution.

So this week in my Sun newspaper online column, the Pleasure Zone, I’ve written a guide to the dos and don’ts workplace flirting. Plus there’s a fab giveaway from Ann Summers for two lucky readers.

When it goes live on their site later today I'll post a link here.

TODAY’S TIP: Check out the link because there are lots of tips for singles and partners about boundaries for flirting at work and flirting at home to keep things lively.

Have a lovely weekend, back on Monday, Pamx

 

Agony aunt day....

24/04/2014

As it’s Thurdsay it's 'National Agony Aunt Day' as I call it and I’ve answered one woman’s very complicated question and gave her my recommendation. I hope ‘JC’ takes my advice - on my homepage under the dilemma I’ve answered this week. Thank you for your emails! All best, Pamx

A dilemma about a flatmate being embarrassed by what she was caught doing

23/04/2014

The questions I get asked never surprise me because someone somewhere is going to be upset, worried or even embarrassed about something.

I tackle what one woman finds very embarrassing today in my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week. She walked in on her flatmate masturbating and now her flatmate’s giving her the cold shoulder.

If you’re in this situation (well, maybe not this exact situation) I hope my tips help.

TODAY’S TIP: Never be surprised if someone feels embarrassed about something by the reaction - which is often one that seems angry or in this case as if they’re giving the cold shoulder. That’s because their embarrassment has made them feel so uncomfortable that it transmits through their behaviour and body language as something angrier.

Embarrassment and humiliation often leave people feeling they don’t quite know what to do about the situation.

A tactful, honest approach is almost always the way forward.

Take care, Pamx

When you take self-help too far

22/04/2014

As a self-help writer I of course believe there are many positive benefits to lots of self-help literature. And I’m looking forward to my next self-help guide coming out in a couple weeks - more details nearer the time!

In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on a story about a young woman who’s taken the self-help books she’s read as a complete guide life rather than cherry picking strategies to use and building on her own strengths. I'm concerned she has taken things too far in living her life from between the pages of a self help book. Here's the link as I think there’s a lesson for everyone who reads self-help in this story.

TODAY’S TIP: My biggest tip is that we can’t live our lives from the pages of a book - self-help advice can be invaluable but ultimately life takes twists and turns and people apply the advice in their own idiosyncratic ways - sometimes more positive, sometimes not so positive.

Let self-help advice be a guide to you and not an absolute given.

Look after yourself, Pamx

Its a fun James Bond theme in my column PLUS a giveaway

18/04/2014

It was reported in the Sun newspaper this week that the beautiful Penelope Cruz might co-star in the next Bond film. So this week in my Sun online column, the Pleasure Zone, I had fun with 00-heaven style sex tips.

Want to guess how many James Bond style puns I got into the column? Take a look here! 

There is also a lovely giveaway from Ann Summers for two lucky readers.

TODAY’S TIP: My tip today is to check out my column for something sizzling things to try over the long four-day weekend… hope you have a lovely one.

Back here on Tuesday, Pamx

A dilemma about ex partners...

17/04/2014

As it’s Thursday it’s what I call 'National Agony Aunt Day' and today I’ve answered a dilemma about 'exes'. Thanks for your emails I wish I could answer each one but that’s impossible as I work full time and run my own site.

I’ve chosen one today from “Dave” who’s unhappy about how much time his girlfriend spends with her ex. Check the advice on the homepage at “dilemma I’ve answered this week” if there's a third party in the shape of the ex in your relationship.

TODAY’S TIP:  the starting point is always working out whether or not their involvement with their ex is justified in any way - like if they had children together.

Don’t put up with being taken forgranted though - hope my tips help.

Take care, Pamx

Celebrity women dating younger men.

16/04/2014

So many people are fascinated by celebrity relationships especially if there’s something a little bit different about the relationship - an age gap being one such difference.

It’s human nature to show interest in other people’s relationships and in today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on the many celebrity women who have started dating younger men – often personal trainer types. 

Here's the link for coffee break reading.

TODAY’S TIP: Sometimes our interest in other people’s relationships - celebrity or not – gives us insight into our own relationships. Love is always a dynamic process – we’re always learning about each other - and we can learn from others. So a little bit of interest in the love lives of the rich and famous isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

But interest in others' relationships can turn into 'judgement' about them. For instance if friends or family are passing judgement on your relationship - as many judge the love lives of celebrities - set them straight - if who you're seeing makes you happy then they should be happy for you.

Look after your love life, Pamx

Talking dirty isnt for everyone

14/04/2014

What seems sexy to one person is far from sexy to another. In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I’ve tackled phone sex. He's a soldier so they're part a lot - and he wants to 'talk dirty' and she doesn’t. What’s the solution?  Here's the link with my suggestions - hope they help.

TODAY’S TIP: Always start gradually if you’ve never talked dirty with your partner down the phone. As slow burn is always better than jumping in with loads of really strong chat.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Different levels of sex drive? Please read on...

10/04/2014

Every Thursday I do an agony aunt-style question and answer from the various agony aunt dilemmas I receive. Yesterday I was contacted on Twitter by someone asking about their different level of sex drive from their partner’s.

As this question comes up fairly frequently I’m posting some thoughts and tips on this issue - so please check “dilemma I’ve answered this week” if you're experiencing this.

Best of luck, Pamx

Beware of conline love

09/04/2014

We’ve all read the stories of people who’ve met someone online on a dating or social networking website only to find when they meet up in person that the date is 10 years older, 10 kgs heavier and isn’t the barrel of laughs they proclaimed to be.

But things can be worse and today I’ve commented on a ‘conline’ story in the Sun newspaper.  

TODAY’S TIP: Always take your time and never rush to give away too much of your heart, your money, and your personal 'secrets' when you meet someone online. You don’t want to be conned!

Look after yourself, Pamx

One woman wants to know what is normal when it comes to sex

07/04/2014

Depending on how close we are most of us share certain details about our relationships with friends. And in the dilemma I’ve answered this week for my Miss Independent Woman website ‘Love Doc’ page one woman is concerned her boyfriend doesn’t want enough sex. Unfortunately she's comparng him to her friend's boyfriend. If you're in that situation please do take a look at the link.

TODAY’S TIP: there is so much pressure on couples to live up to what they think others are doing when really all they need to do is please themselves. Don’t put yourself under this kind of pressure, do what works for you two when it comes to sex - including the frequency of how often you have sex.

Take care of each other, Pamx

Staying together after an affair things might be hard to get back on track & GIVEAWAY!!

04/04/2014

As an agony aunt you can imagine I get so many emails about affairs and for those on the outside looking in many think why would you go back with someone who cheated on you?

But relationship research from a couple years ago found that about 60% of couples stay together and try to make it work.

There are many things that present hurdles without even mentioning the hurt and pain the person who’s been cheated on have to get over. But as a couple moves forward sex will be back on the agenda yet many feel bit wary of getting their sex life back on track.

In my fortnightly Pleasure Zone column in the Sun newspaper online I’ve given a few tips for starting slowly back in the bedroom… but then revving it up to lots of fun. 

I’ll post the link here when it goes live on their website later. I hope the advice is helpful and good luck with the fab Ann Summers giveaway - two lucky readers will get a sizzling gift.

TODAY’S TIP: as I’ve just mentioned take it slowly with sex is crucial if you’re trying to heal your relationship. More than ever you need honesty and let your partner know if you have to take it slowly and don’t want to rush things.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Dilemma: hes in love with his ex

03/04/2014

As it’s Thursday and what I call National Agony Aunt Day I’ve answered a dilemma about a man who's hung up on his ex in a very big way. If you’re in this situation I hope the tips help you - please see my home page for the dilemma I've answered.

TODAY’S TIP: people can long for their ex in various ways but it's important to face this honestly. In my work I hear from penny of people who thought, "oh, of course he/she misses their ex - that's normal." Only to find that that person who won't, e.g., get rid of their ex's photos, etc.,  goes back with them at the first opportunity.

Listen to your intuition about how serious the "ghost of their ex" is - is it really haunting them or in minor ways they going through the natural process of moving on from their ex.

Look after yourself, Pamx

 

Thinking about getting back together again?

02/04/2014

Breakups are tough so it’s no surprise that most people give it a second go. I’ve posted an article including the five reasons why you shouldn’t go back on my homepage under “hot off the press”.

TODAY’S TIP: Think about your reasons for trying a second time. Has the issue changed? Can you both do things differently and better? Otherwise you just end up with a type of sloppy seconds.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Dilemma: I feel embarrassed after a one night stand

31/03/2014

One night stands tend to go one of two ways – you have a great time and it was a good decision because you felt confident and in control - and because of that the sex was hot. Or you end up wishing you hadn’t for one of many reasons.

In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I’ve tackled one woman’s dilemma about not wanting to go back into her local pub because of a one night stand.

TODAY’S TIP: I hope my tips help if you’re in a similar situation but one rule of thumb for one night stands is you can’t turn back the clock and if it was an unhappy experience the best you can do is learn from it and stop beating yourself up.

Keep it firmly in mind the next time you’re thinking about a one night stand and ask yourself if it could be heading in the same unhappy direction.

And if alcohol was involved and you didn’t use condoms then get yourself checked out for STIs.

Look after yourself, Pamx

Dilemma: Have I put him off with my aloof behaviour?

27/03/2014

As it’s what I call 'National Agony Aunt Day' I’ve chosen a random dilemma to answer today - many thanks for your emails!

This is from someone I’m calling Katie since she didn’t leave name. And it’s about the miscommunications a common when you are attracted to someone.

TODAY’S TIP: if there’s someone who acts slightly odd around you at work think through the likely scenarios - could it be they get tongue tied because they like you? Or could it be they feel awkward in social settings?

Or maybe you have a ‘rep’ for being a bit forceful or assertive and so base tread carefully around you.

Look for the clues because it may be something very positive - like finding you attractive!

Best wishes, Pamx

Discussing celebrity breakups on Channel 5 tonight...

26/03/2014

As Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow announce the split I'm joining the presenter Emma Crosby at Channel 5 News Talk Live after 6:30 PM tonight to discuss celebrity relationships and the types of pressures they might be under.

I have lots to say on this - will be hard to fit it in!

My wish for any parent that's breaking up is that they can focus on their children's wellbeing as kids are emotional sponges' - soaking up everything arpouond them including their parents' unhappy and angry feelings.

Please keep this in mind if you're a parent that's breakinig up. Good luck, Pamx

A very brief guide to a happy start in a new phase of your life

26/03/2014

Having done my ‘Love Doc’ slot every Wednesday for the last few years with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show - it’s a sad one today as Angela's leaving the programme - getting married and moving to another part of the country. We've scared her away! :)

So at 8:05 AM this morning Spence and I are giving her a mini guide to starting the new phase of her life - and making it a happy one. I’ll post the link when it goes live on their website later.

TODAY’S TIP: If you have my tips to Angela include  - making it a habit to do the simplest things in the world that actually keep you happy – this includes laughing a lot - with friends, partner, laughing at the things life throws you, and at the mistakes you make!

Next to focus on what counts - time with the people you care about, carving out time for yourself, know that it’s okay to say ‘no’ and not overstretch yourself.

Also to believe in your instincts - I find the loveliest people get tied up in knots about things - they hope to please everyone and end up pleasing no one.

Finally to remember that when it comes to keeping your marriage/long-term relationship happy - to take a moment every day to remember why you fell in love with that person - what made them special? It’s so easy to forget why you loved them when your partner's annoying you!

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Supposedly mismatched couples

25/03/2014

Talk about issues about the way people look in society and the pressure to look a certain way and aspire to the norms for what is beautiful and handsome - this extends to the ridiculously strict view some have of how a couple should look together!

There was a lovely couple in the Sun newspaper the other day where the woman’s looks obviously conform to what society sees as beautiful and her fiance’s looks didn’t.

Off the back of this story the paper’s looked at couples who are happily in love, don’t care a jot about their partner’s level of attractiveness, but might be judged by others (who are too shallow!) as mismatched on their looks.

I’ve devised a light-hearted quiz to go with this with advice on what to do if you’re the “so-called” better looking or ‘less better’ looking in your partnership.  

TODAY’S TIP: Never bow to the pressure of rude people who tell you you’re punching above or below your weight when it comes to the person you’re going out with. Who needs their shallow point of view?

Love each other for who you are not what you look like.

Take care, Pamx

Sex tips and fantastic giveaway...

14/03/2014

Chatting whirlwind marriages at 940AM Friday 14th March with Adrian at BBC Radio West Midlands - always a hot topic!

I'm heading to my annual ski holiday tonight and back late on Sunday, March 23. But coming up this week I have my Sun newspaper column online here (my Pleasure Zone) with a fantastic giveaway in it from Ann Summers.

Also I’ll be checking in with my Heart FM buddies – Angela and Spence – for our weekly “love doc” chat on Wednesday morning March 19th @ 8:00AM. I think we're covering ‘pre-wedding jitters’ as now’s the season when people start thinking about their late spring/early summer weddings… and getting a bit nervous.

TODAY’S TIP: Minor jitters are very normal and you just need to reassure yourself of this. If the jitters are slightly bigger than what you expect, it may be time to have an honest dialogue about your anxieties with your future spouse.

You can do this in a caring and considerate way and ask them if they’re feeling nervous too.

Together you can overcome your worries - often these worries are generated by the huge expectations we heap on ourselves for the big day and we start worrying that it can’t possibly match up to our fantasy.

Remind each other it’s about having fun and celebrating your love on that day and not everything having to be perfect!

Have a wonderful week, back here on Monday, March 24, Pamx

Dilemma: I feel overweight and ugly in bed

13/03/2014

Who hasn’t felt unattractive at some point when they’re slipping between the sheets with someone special? It’s such a common issue and as it’s what I call ‘National Agony Aunt Day’ I’ve answered a dilemma about this from someone calling themselves Alice.

I hope my advice helps if you’re going through this dilemma - my answer is located on my homepage under the dilemma I’ve answered.

TODAY’S TIP: Remember most of beauty is what comes from with in – this isn’t a cliche – it’s so true – think of someone you know with a magnetic personality or good sense of humour who isn’t classically good-looking but people find them attractive because of their inner spirit.

Focus on letting yours shine!

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Upset by your partner flirting with work colleagues? And the perfect man...

12/03/2014

In today's Sun newspaper I've commented on a big survey about the attributes women want in their "perfect man" - I must say they're pretty spot on with what's important - a sense of humour, trust, and not a whole heap of ex-partners and emotional baggage in the background!

Over to office flirting...I think most people accept there’s a lot of banter in offices that could be described as flirting. Obviously most people are savvy about not crossing over into sexual harassment and here I’m talking about when colleagues or friendly with each other and don’t mind a bit flirty banter.

But what about when they have a partner at home? Where does it cross the line between a bit of banter and being overly flirty? We’re discussing this today on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:20 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show.

TODAY’S TIP: My biggest tip when it comes to flirting at the office is this: would you say the things you say to your flirting colleagues if your partner was standing there listening? If ‘yes’ you would, then your banter’s within the bounds of acceptability.

If that finger of guilt creeps through your mind and you think you ‘no’ I wouldn’t say those things to my flirty colleague if my partner was there, then you know you’re crossing the line.

It can be a slippery slope to taking things too far so concentrate on not jeopardising your relationship.

Here’s to a happy relationship, Pam X

Dilemma: I want him to try edgy sex...

11/03/2014

So often our sexual desires are mismatched and usually we expect the man to want to be more adventurous (a very misguided assumption!)- but that's not always the case. This week in my Miss Independent Woman website ‘Love Doc’ page I’ve answered one woman’s dilemma about how she can get him to have some edgy sex.

If you’re in this situation I hope my suggestions help you too.

TODAY’S TIP: If they’ve rejected your ideas in the nicest possible way turn the tables on them and ask what they secretly want to do. Put the ball in their court and let them lead the sex-play.

Hopefully this will make things more playful between you two.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Roll out the red carpet for your sex life this weekend PLUS lovely giveaway

07/03/2014

Celebrating the Oscars this week I’ve written my Sun newspaper online column about getting a love life like the stars.

It’s a fun column this week and with lots of top tips for having a sex life like a Hollywood star as well as a gorgeous giveaway from Ann Summers - check it out and good luck with the giveaway!

Have a fun, relaxed and maybe sexy weekend, Pamx

When you want sex at different times to each other

06/03/2014

As it’s what I call National Agony Aunt Day I’ve answered one woman’s dilemma about her fiance always wanting sex in the morning and never in the evening when she prefers it.

If this rings a bell with you please check my homepage at the “dilemma I’ve answered this week”. I hope my suggestions are helpful.

Take care, Pamx

Are you troubled by pictures or mentions of their ex?

05/03/2014

When we fall in love and get in a relationship with someonewe're bound to come across ‘mentions’ or pictures of their ex - their ex was part of their life and I don’t know anyone who hasn’t been in this position. But these ex-based memories upset many.

We’re discussing this on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show.

I think people get this back to front - and forget that the person they’re in love with now became that person because of their past experiences – including their past relationships! Wouldn’t it be rather odd if they had never had a relationship before they met you? Turn your thinking around and accept that you wouldn’t have wanted them in some sort of non-relationship bubble until the day they met the wonderful you!

Of course no one should shove pictures of their ex in your face and it’s emotionally unhealthy for them to dwell on pictures or memories of their ex. But if their ex happens to be in group pictures from events in their past, what do you expect them to do? Cut them out with scissors? Seems a bit extreme.

TODAY’S TIP: Don’t forget you have a past – you undoubtedly had an ex or two or more - would you deny your past? Nope - you see it as your life experiences and that’s how you need to view your partner and their past.

Take care of your relationship, Pamx

Dilemma: Her boyfriends treating her badly

27/02/2014

It's National Agony Aunt Day and today I've answered “Tanya’s” dilemma about her boyfriend not treating her the way anyone should be treated. Check my homepage for my advice on this is sadly all too common problem.

I hope you can use the tips in my answer if someone’s not treating you very well!

Take care of yourself, Pamx

 

Can you forgive a fling from your bride- or groom- to be?

26/02/2014

Could you ever forgive a fling or indiscretion that occurs when your other half is on their respective Hen or Stag dos? I’m discussing this issue this morning on my ‘Love Doc’ slot at 7:50 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show.

Unfortunately I hear about this occurring more and more - to be honest I get annoyed that people think that to have fun they must have one last sexual adventure - but how would they feel if that’s how their fiance felt too? Would they want them to have that last fling on their hen or stag do? I doubt it.

Go into marriage with that attitude and your marriage probably won’t survive - because that attitude tells me you’ll be the type of person to make excuses for your bad behaviour.

Saying that, if the shoe's on the other foot and it’s your bride or groom-to-be who does the ‘dirty’ on you then you have to think very carefully about whether you want to go into the marriage or perhaps postpone it. And if you do decide to still get married you must explore why it happened, how this can be prevented, and how you can move on and strengthen your relationship.

TODAY’S TIP: The guilty party needs to well-and-truly get their act together and make it up on a daily basis with good behaviour.

You must both agree to move forward and sing from the same page - agreeing what you’ll do to protect your relationship, how you will prevent this in the future, etc.

Don’t sweep it under the carpet - these things have a way of growing bigger and making a bigger “carpet lump” as I call them. The bigger the carpet lump the bigger the fall when you trip on it and it comes back to haunt you in future because you didn’t deal with the issue.

And if you’re trying to move forward together, don’t raise the fling in every argument you have instead keep focused on whatever the present issue is - it’s so easy to make the fling your default ‘emotional’ (not physical!) slap in the face to pay back your partner.

If you’re headed on to your stag or hen and you know there’s going to be lots of alcohol tone it down and think before you leap into something your regret, Pamx

Dilemma - her boyfriend has a fetish that bothers her...

24/02/2014

Fetishes are far more common than you’d think and many are really quite innocent even if they seem slightly odd. Of course there are some much darker and disturbing fetishes but I’m not talking about those here.

In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I’ve answered one woman’s dilemma about her boyfriend’s foot fetish. If this is something that has touched your life or you’ve wondered about please do check my advice here.

TODAY’S TIP: The best tip when it comes to fetishes is don’t panic if you discover the person you love - or are involved with - has one (I’m talking a consenting adult style fetish that’s not harmful). Because often someone panics and rejects a partner when if they stop and think carefully about what their partner has described its actually not so bad.

If you’re in a good relationship please take the time to discover what your partner means by their fetish.

Take care, Pamx

Tips for when she has problems reaching climax and GIVEAWAY

21/02/2014

With yet another survey confirming that many women fake orgasm I’ve provided tips in my Pleasure Zone - my Sun newspaper online column for her and for him to try.

There are many reasons why women fake it but often because they feel shy about sharing with him what works for them. Some women don’t want to hurt his feelings because they worry he’ll take it personally if they have difficulties climaxing. But actually it’s not “difficulties” climaxing in so many women experience this.

So take a look here - PLUS there's also a fabulous giveaway from the lovely people at Ann Summers - check my column for that too.

TODAY’S TIP: Keep this firmly in mind: your partner wants to know what works for you and if you tell them in a loving, sensual voice what turns you on your going to turn them on massively.

Happy loving and happy weekend, Pamx

Have you been 'teased' about your obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)?

20/02/2014

It's "National Agony Aunt Day" (thanks for all your emails) and today I've answered “Jonathan’s” question about being teased at work about his OCD. As it's OCD week of awareness this week I thought this topic would be on many people’s minds.

TODAY’S TIP: Do check my advice to him on my homepage at the ‘answer to this week’s dilemma’.

Remember there's help out there - it may take time and effort to get it - but it’s worth it. The OCD helpline's at end of my advice to him.

Look after yourself, Pamx

TV-phobia! Love at first sight? Social networking and your relationship

19/02/2014

Do you have FOMOOT? That's fear of missing out on TV - a new and worrying phenomenon I've commented about in today's Sun newspaper here... a must-read if you feel pressure to constantly tweet or post on FaceBook about TV programmes you're watching.

Over to your love life and social networking - I’m sure there are a number of books on social networking and relationships and I could certainly write one on the positives and pitfalls of social networking and relationships.

Today on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show we’re talking about a couple of the pitfalls.

For instance, when your partner doesn’t want you to be a friend on Facebook - are they hiding something? Or do they just not want to live out of each other’s pockets?

Or how about flirting online – it’s so common and some people might think they’re flirting innocently but when their partner sees it they’re very hurt by it.

After that I'm chatting love and lust at first sight with the radio presenter Mike Parr on BBC Tees radio at 10:00 AM - I've always said it's lust at first sight that can develop into love and new research confirms this.

 

TODAY’S TIP: Back to social networking the key to networking and relationships and so many other issues is the “C”-word – communication. When you can have open and honest chats about how you use social networking you build the trust between you.

Start working on this today to make sure it’s a positive for your relationship and not a pitfall.

All my best, Pamx

Discussing finding love especially after divorce on BBC radio

18/02/2014

Finding love is a wonderful goal but it can be very stressful to reach. At the 10:30 AM I’m discussing this with the lovely BBC radio presenter Annie Othen on her show on BBC Coventry and Warwickshire. I hope you can listen in on the net and join in with your thoughts.

We’re talking about the various methods to increase your chances to find that special person.

TODAY’S TIP: there are increasing opportunities online but my biggest tip is never to take your eye off the “real life” ball - wherever you go, whoever you meet remember they may be someone special.

Widen your circle of opportunity!

Good luck to you, Pamx

Happy Valentine's Day! New advice column...

14/02/2014

If you're in a relationship here's hoping you're feeling loved up today and every day. And if you're looking for love I hope you have plans to go out over Valentines weekends with single friends and take advantage of the many singles events.

Here's my new agony aunt column with Magnet publications that comes out monthly. I hope the advice helps you if you find yourself in similar situations.

Sending lots of love in the spirit of St Valentine's! Pam XOX

 

National Agony Aunt Day is backPLUS GIVEAWAY

13/02/2014

Thanks for all your emails as I said on my homepage due to writing my latest book I put Agony Aunt day on hold. But now I’m back to selecting a random question each week. Wish I could answer them all but I work full-time and run my own site.

Today I’ve answered Amy’s question about her older boyfriend putting her under sexual pressure. I’m sure you can guess what my advice would be that if you’re in this situation do take a look on my homepage where I’ve answered this week’s dilemma.

You still have time to enter the fabulous LELO vibrator competition - they'll be deciding the two winners tomorrow a.m. - here's the giveaway details: I'm giving away two fabulous 'Ida' couples vibrators worth £134 each made by the luxury vibrator and sextoy maker LELO of Sweden.

Just check my twitter feed for details and you can enter via my twitter through end of Thursday February 13th!

Do check out the luxurious ‘Ida’ couples vibrator on this link. Also if you want to take part in their global survey here's the link:

Good luck, Pamx

Is it a good idea to have 1st date on Valentines? Plus GIVEAWAY!

12/02/2014

The luxury LELO vibrator giveaway details are below but first... Valentine’s causes far too much worry for people and on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:20 AM I’ll be chatting about first dates on Valentine’s with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show...here's the link!

Personally I don’t think it should put you off asking someone out. Why put a first date on hold just because of Valentines. It gives you a chance to be light-hearted and have a laugh about the fact it’s Valentines but you’d still like to get together.

Obviously you don’t want to look OTT and too keen but that’s why you should keep it light-hearted.

Below are a few tips for meeting up with someone on Valentine's for a first date but here's the giveaway details: I'm giving away two fabulous 'Ida' couples vibrators worth £134 each made by the luxury vibrator and sextoy maker LELO of Sweden.

Just check my twitter feed for details and you can enter via my twitter through end of Thursday February 13th!

Do check out the luxurious ‘Ida’ couples vibrator on this link. Also if you want to take part in their global survey here's the link

TODAY’S TIP: Tips for meeting up on Valentine’s: *Do look for fun but not the ‘love of your life’. You scupper chances of a fun date if inside you’re judging him/her straight away on being “marriage material”. Keep an open mind.

* Do stay away from Valentine-themed nights that heap on the pressure - choose a neutral venue so you two can relax.

* Do create your flirt-zone where you flirt, laugh, and keep it light-hearted but avoid full-on sexual innuendo. Research shows holding back a bit gives you a higher chance of a second date…if you want one.

* Do keep nerves at bay by asking him/her questions so conversation doesn’t dry up. Another study found that it makes you look interesting when you’re interested in him.

Most of all have fun, Pamx

Toy-Joy - take the fear out of trying to toys in the bedroom & GIVEAWAY!!

11/02/2014

I have a competition/giveaway to tell you about but first so many people contact me saying they worry about trying their first sex toy. A little worry and curiosity (of course) is natural and I always reassure people that sex toys bring a lot of pleasure.

What’s crucial is bedroom manners! It’s not good bedroom manners to show up wielding a load of sex toys, waving them in your partner’s face and making them feel like they aren’t enough for you.

TODAY’S TIP: a few key starter-rules are if you’re part of a couple then why not have fun shopping online together or in the high street adult shop. Turn it into a light-hearted, flirty afternoon.

Also agree that you each choose a toy to try - fair is fair, and then you can take turns trying the toys you’ve chosen.

Today, tomorrow and Thursday I'm giving away two fabulous 'Ida' couples vibrators worth £134 each made by the luxury vibrator and sextoy maker LELO of Sweden.

Just check my twitter feed for details from 10:15 AM today February 11.

And definitely check out the luxurious ‘Ida’ couples vibrator on this link.

Have fun and good luck with the giveaway, Pamx

Is your romantic checklist too long?

10/02/2014

As a survey by a dating app finds that men have a list a mile long when it comes to what qualities would make the perfect girlfriend I say people have to dump these lists.

In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on this survey.

TODAY’S TIP: there are certain qualities you should always expect in potential partner - that there are good to you, they respect you, and all those good qualities - but it’s quite a different story when it comes to being specific over their height, their hair, their size, their accent, their earning potential, etc.

When you focus on these other things you miss out on lots of good people!

Keep your eyes open if you’re looking for love, Pamx

I've teamed up with Ann Summers for some Valentines suggestions

07/02/2014

One of the biggest problems couples run into for Valentines is leaving it too late to think of some fun gifts for each other. I’ve teamed up with wonderful high street and online retailer Ann Summers to offer a few tips for toys for you to try.

There have been so many innovations in sex toys giving such potential for an enhanced sex life.

Many people wish Valentine's Day would just disappear because they feel under pressure to go sit in a restaurant and pretend to look romantic surrounded by other couples doing the same thing. Far better to have a candlelit dinner at home where you can indulge in some of the toys I suggested. Here’s the link to a few suggestions

They also have a few fabulous offers for you in time for Valentine's Day so check them out on their site homepage.

TODAY’S TIP: Valentine’s should be about fun and a way of re-igniting passion between you – and it should never be a chore. So start planning this week for a week on Friday to put a little sizzle to your sex life.

And if you’re single - and looking for love - don’t forget to start looking now for all the singles events that will be on offer next week. Or plan a fun night out with a single friend or two where you can all keep your eyes open for that special person you might find attractive.

If you’re single and not looking for love you can still get out there and have lots of fun because presumably that’s what you’re doing - or hope to do.

Take care of yourself and have a lovely weekend, Pamx

Live sex & love webchat TODAY at the Sun answering your questions + GIVEAWAY!

07/02/2014

There’s still time to put your sex, love, couples, singles questions to me for the web chat at 1 PM today!

I’ll answering your questions from 1 to 1:30 PM and it will be a full and frank question-and-answer session. But best to put your question ASAP as last time I did a chat at the Sun we were very busy and couldn’t get to everyone’s questions. 

Also in my Pleasure Zone column today I provide you with tips for Valentine's Day whether you're a couple or a single - I hope they are helpful! Please see the FANTASTIC giveaway from LELO luxury sex toy company for providing one of my readers with a night in a lovely hotel, plus breakfast plus two  fabulous sex toys worth £250!

Feel free to send in your question giving yourself a different name to protect your identity.

TODAY’S TIP: it’s important to get answers to questions so you don’t continue to worry about something. Forget sweeping it under the carpet when you can get an answer today.

I look forward to web chatting with you at 1 PM, Pamx

Put your question to me - webchat this Friday 7th Feb at the Sun newspaper....

05/02/2014

If you’ve got a love or sex dilemma you’d like to ask me then this Friday lunchtime at 1 PM will be your chance! I’ll be answering your questions from 1 to 1:30 PM and it will be a full and frank agony aunt session. But best to put your question in as soon as possible and not wait until Friday.

Feel free to send in your question with a name you’d like me to use during the web chat - you don’t have to use your real name.

Here's a link to where you can put your question to me. The last time I did a sex and love session for the Sun we got extremely busy so I urge you to get your question in early.

TODAY’S TIP: Don’t sit on dilemmas that are troubling you. It’s so easy to sweep them under the carpet and hope they’ll just go away. Of course some dilemmas solve themselves over time but it’s far better to get advice that might just help you move forward with it.

I look forward to answering your questions on Friday, Pamx

Would you get a prenup? Plus the seven-year itch becomes shorter...

05/02/2014

At 12:40 PM today I'm chatting about a survey that suggests there is no longer a seven-year itch but a three-year one. I'm joining radio presenter Mark Carter on his BBC Sussex and Surrey  show to discuss why relationships aren't lasting.Evidently it may become mandatory for couples to sign a prenup if one person has a great deal of wealth. I think that's a terrible idea and couples should have a choice whether they want one or not.

First though I'm discussing prenups on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show.

TODAY’S TIP: a brief thought on a big topic - it’s never a good idea to walk down the aisle with trust issues whether about mooney or anything else. Sort these out before it gets to that stage and maybe you can avoid a prenup.

Personally I'd never agree to one but that's just my view. But if you’re considering doing so you should definitely speak to a lawyer if you’ve been asked to sign one.

Look after yourself, Pamx

Webchat Friday 7th February at the Sun Newspaper...

03/02/2014

If you’ve got a love or sex dilemma you’d like to ask me then this Friday lunchtime at 1 PM will be your chance! I’ll be answering your questions from 1 to 1:30 PM and it will be a full and frank agony aunt session. But best to put your question in as soon as possible and not wait until Friday.

Feel free to send in your question with a name you’d like me to use during the web chat - you don’t have to use your real name.

Here's a link to where you can put your question to me. The last time I did a sex and love session for the Sun we got extremely busy so I urge you to get your question in early.

TODAY’S TIP: Don’t sit on dilemmas that are troubling you. It’s so easy to sweep them under the carpet and hope they’ll just go away. Of course some dilemmas solve themselves over time but it’s far better to get advice that might just help you move forward with it.

I look forward to answering your questions on Friday, Pamx

Dilemma - they want to share boyfriends!

31/01/2014

If you’ve been around a bit and lived life to the full then you may well think you’ve heard it all but in my role as an agony aunt I’m always getting new angles on life, love and sex dilemmas coming through my email bag.

In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I’ve answered one woman’s dilemma where she and her best friend are both going through single phases. They’d like to have some sexual flings and she’s thinking maybe they should share some men who are up for those type of flings.

This is an unusual situation and if you’re in something like it I hope you’ll check my advice - and if you’re not in this situation might be curious what advice I’d give!

TODAY’S TIP: the minute you introduce more than two people into relationships the possible complexities multiply dramatically. My biggest tip is to do some free associating and think of the possible problem areas and how you’d all tackle them.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

Received a wedding invitation you dont want but dont want to offend?

29/01/2014

There are times when a wedding invitation arrives where instead of feeling delighted you’ve been included, your heart sinks. If you have a problem with socialising over long periods (and it's a full day event) or perhaps physical needs that make socialising difficult it’s understandable you might want to turn down the invitation.

However if you’re just being a bit selfish thinking, “why does my friend have to have an all-day event when I’m so busy in my life?” Then I say think about how much your friend means to you and set aside this selfish attitude. It’s their big day and they want to include you - and you should go along and help them celebrate.

We’re discussing these issues on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:20 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show. If you’ve got a wedding invitation dilemma I hope you can listen in on the net.

TODAY’S TIP: In the meantime set aside any selfish feelings and think about your friendship and how as a good friend you should help them celebrate their wedding in the way they want to.

They might feel the same when they receive your wedding invitation but hopefully they’ll happily help you have a fantastic day.

Must I say friendships are important so look after yours, Pamx

Anti-bullying film premiere

27/01/2014

I’m so excited about attending anti-bullying campaigner Kevin Healey’s film premiere tonight in North London. Kevin has autism and has experienced horrible bullying and trolling and he’s made this film with blood sweat and tears. I commented in the film on various aspects of online bullying.

Please check out Kevin's website 

TODAY’S TIP: bullying should never ever be tolerated - always report it if it happens to you. You can get help - and whatever you do don’t feel isolated if you’re in this terrible situation.

There is help, sometimes you have to look for it in the right places but please do so.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Sexual chemistry and attraction + giveaway info!

24/01/2014

Just what is it that attracts you to someone? Don’t you find that sometimes you can’t put your finger on it but you think, “Oh la la!”

Today in my Sun newspaper online column - my Pleasure Zone - I’ve provided a few tips on ways to send out subtle signals to someone you find attractive. Or if you’re single and there are other singles around you can use them to send a positive message out. So much of it is down to our primal nature and what we find attractive.

There’s also a fantastic giveaway in my column today courtesy of Ann Summers - hope you’ll check it out.

TODAY’S TIP: Never forget that we are living, breathing “signal machines” – we’re constantly giving out signals to those around us and if you’re single and want to meet someone you’ve got to send out the right ones.

Happy loving over the weekend, Pamx

Can we learn about relationships from reality shows?

22/01/2014

Reality shows are big news right now especially with Celebrity Big Brother getting phenomenal ratings. On my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show we’re talking about what we can learn from watching participants in thsee shows.

TODAY’S TIP: For starters there’s lots we can learn “not to do”! There has been lots of childish behaviour from so many in the Big Brother house. There’s also been flirting that’s gone too far and some feelings have been hurt.

But one of the best things we can learn is how new friendships can begin with the most random people. I’m always telling those who say they are lonely that they can find friendship with the most unexpected people. And certainly some of the bonds in the Big Brother house would’ve seemed crazy if you had said Lionel Blair would become friendly with Dappy from N-Dubz, etc.

That’s probably the best part we can take from reality shows - when positive relationships formed between people who might not ever have met.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Discussing whats happened on Big Brother over the weekend...

20/01/2014

 

This celebrity series has been so explosive that it's now been extended by five days. Having been a guest-expert on Big Brother since 2005 I can’t remember this ever happening.

I’m heading out later today to do the Monday night expert slot and have a good old chat with presenter Emma Willis about what’s been going on.

TODAY’S TIP: One thing viewers have learnt - no matter what your age you can come across as a toddler - the elder housemates are every bit as "bad" as the young ones when it comes to stirring up trouble and losing their tempers.

So never live by stereotypes and assume that those of an older generation are more mature, wise and patient - from this bunch that clearly isn’t the case.  

Happy Monday, Pamx

New parents sometimes find that rekindling sex is tricky...

17/01/2014

When that bundle of joy arrives at your life sometimes your “couple time” becomes much more difficult to enjoy. There are lots of different reasons why it can be a bit fraught - she’s exhausted, he doesn’t want to pressure her, etc. Today in my Miss Independent Woman website ‘Love Doc’ page I’ve answered one woman’s dilemma about restarting sex with her husband. Her big worry is waking the baby - that must be some fairly loud sex she enjoys with her husband.

TODAY’S TIP: If you’re a new parent I hope you find my advice helpful. As you’ll see in my answer there often little tricks to getting around different problems.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

When you want your partner to dump you as you don't have the nerve to do it...

16/01/2014

Sometimes through anxiety about hurting a partner's feelings - or low self-esteem and feeling you shouldn't break up with someone - people will orchestrate reasons to make their partner dump them.

Sounds extraordinary but it happens and in today's Sun newspaper I've commented on the story (at the end of the story) of a woman who gained an enormous amount of weight so that her partner would breakup with her.

Today's Tip: it's far better for your self-esteem and confidence to learn how to face these difficult times in relationships.

Think through how you can tactfully give them  the news that you don't want to be together anymore. Then choose a time when you have enough time to explain yourself.

Yes, you might face tears or anger or all sorts of different emotions but ultimately each of us needs to learn how to bring something to an end and hopefully the best possible way.

Take care of yourself, Pam X

What to do WHEN your relationship goes wrong

15/01/2014

I often write about how to prevent your love “going wrong” but on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show I’m talking about what if it already have gone wrong.

It’s the obvious things we tell ourselves we’ll do that we don’t keep the ring.

TODAY’S TIP: So a few quick tips include making time to talk about things that have started above you. Don’t sweep the things under proverbial carpet.

Also look at what you can do better in your relationship instead of slipping into the blame game. It’s easy to think they’re the ones who need to do all the changing.

Finally keep giving love and affection – don’t withdraw emotionally or from affection because that is incredibly damaging when you’re struggling.

Good luck, Pamx

Wedding rings and heading back to the Celeb Big Brother studio tonight

13/01/2014

Lots has gone on since I was last in on Saturday night - and I’m heading back to the Big Brother compound for more chat tonight with the gorgeous Emma Willis. Was lots of fun Saturday night with the whole psyche team.

Also today I'm discussing why some men don't where wedding rings on BBC Humberside with Peter Levy at 1245PM. There are many reasons why some don't but it might just cause hurt to their partner.

Happy Monday to you, Pam X

Back over to the Celebrity Big Brother studios tonight...

11/01/2014

This must rank as one of the most eventful series ever and tonight I'll join the panel on Big Brother's Bit on the Psych to discuss what's been going on with the Celebrity Housemates.

Hope you have a lovely weekend, Pamx

Rushing things in the bedroom doesnt necessarily mean great sex...

10/01/2014

As one of the regular Celebrity Big Brother I’ve kept my eye on the housemates frisky behaviour. Jumping into bed with someone who you've just met doesn’t necessarily be great sexplay or full sex. In my new Sun newspaper online column - Dr Pam's Pleasure Zone - today I’m providing you with tips to help your flirting and sex into a slow burn. When the link goes live on their site I’ll post it here.

TODAY’S TIP: Never rush things unless a fun 'quickie' is the only thing you have time for! Take your time, build your desire and enjoy the foreplay.

Happy loving and have a great weekend, Pamx

A few steps to keeping to your resolution...

09/01/2014

On my ‘Love Doc’ slot yesterday with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show we discussed breaking resolutions into manageable steps so that you don’t ditch them!

If you think you’re going to have a resolution 'fail' then please have a listen to the example I give (resolving to stop arguing with your partner) and I hope it helps. Take care, Pam X

 

Those datinig tips for singles...

08/01/2014

It was great to have a few minutes this morning on Daybreak at 6:50 AM to chat about tips to find love. But the second slot at 8:10 AM obviously had to be cancelled due to the extra news of the tragic helicopter crash in Norfolk.

So here are the date tips I had prepared for that slot. Put these into practice and you should have more success looking for love. My fingers are crossed for you!

1/ YOUR ROMANTIC CHECKLIST - think about your checklist and you’ll probably find you can dump the frivolous and shallow things. Does someone really have to have a particular type of hair or be a certain height? Your checklist holds you back from potential partners.

2/ WIDEN CIRCLE OPPORTUNITY - if you keep going to the same old places and you’re still looking for love then obviously this hasn’t worked. So live by the rule that ‘new places equals new faces’. Find some new places to go, hobby or interest of sports group to join and widen your circle of opportunity.

3/ USE CONNECTIONS - yes you vast family and friends to keep an eye open for you in the past. But remember they can get complacent and you and your quest for love aren’t necessarily on their mind. Remind family, friends colleagues that if they come across any singles to keep you in mind for an introduction. A personal introduction is one of the three most common ways to find love.

4/ YOUR VIBE - think about the vibe you give out - is it over keen / intense - that can put people off. Or is it laid back / maybe even disinterested? The balance you want to strike is friendly, a bit flirty and interested in them. And remember how you’re feeling inside is reflected in your body language so keep in mind when you’re out and about the things you have to offer someone.

5/ ONLINE PROFILES - relationship research shows that many people fib on their online dating profile - so to spare your disappointment take what they say with a pinch of salt!

There are lots of other tip I could give but these are some key ones, Pam x

Dating tips for singles on Daybreak Wednesday [tomorrow]...

07/01/2014

If you’re single and looking for love I’m chatting dating tips that are guaranteed to help you in your search search for love. Hope you can tune in at 6:50 AM and again at 8:10 AM Wednesday Jan 8th (tomorrow).

I like to give tips that make sense and you can actually use - so I hope you find them helpful! Lots of love, Pam X

After he cheated I lost my sex drive...

07/01/2014

When you’ve been betrayed there can be all sorts of repercussions for you and your relationship. You may become bitter, or you may become forgiving. It can of course affect your sexual feelings to and today in my Miss Independent Woman 'Love Doc' column I’ve answered one woman’s dilemma about this.

TODAY’S TIP: Recovery after betrayal takes time and everyone feels differently especially about the sexual side of things. I hope my advice helps you if you’re going through this.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Back on Celebrity Big Brother tonight...

06/01/2014

I’m so looking forward to seeing the fabulous Emma Willis at Big Brother’s Bit on the Side tonight and chatting about the celebrity housemates’ behaviour.

There’s so much to say I didn’t know how we’ll squeeze it in! I’m not going to give anything away but the show’s on at 11 PM -  hope you’ll tune in!

Lots of 'Big' love, Pamx

Talking about finding love for 2014...

03/01/2014

If there’s one thing I love it’s a bit of love-talk. I’m chatting to the radio presenter Annie Othen at 11:45 AM on BBC Coventry and Warwickshire about the various ways singles can look for love in 2014.

If you’re happily single then continue enjoying single life - but if you’d love to share your life with someone special I hope you can listen in.

TODAY’S TIP: one of my top tip is to let friends, family, colleagues, etc., know that you’re open to suggestions - and if they know any singles to make sure they invite you along to a get together.

It’s still one of the best ways to meet someone new!

Happy hunting, Pamx

Are you a single feeling pressure for New Years Eve?

31/12/2013

It was lovely talking to the phenomenal Vanessa Feltz on BBC Radio 2 last night about family feuds in this festive season. Tonight I'm talking to her again at 6:10 PM tonight about singles and New Year’s Eve. Many singles feel enormous pressure that they must experience New Year’s Eve with someone [someone romantic] and if that means grabbing any old person for a kiss at a New Year’s Eve party they may well do it.

They feel they have to show the world that they’ve “got it”, that they can attract someone and they’re going to let go and enjoy it.

Also we have this kind of attitude to New Year’s Eve anything goes and according to a survey by singles website 50% of men and women expect to have a one night stand on New Year’s Eve. Another 83% plan to use the kissing-hour [when the clock strikes 12] to kiss the person they fancied all year.

67% claim to have kissed up to three people on past New Year’s Eve so that’s a whole lot of seasonal snogging going on.

Whatever you do be safe and make it your own choice, here’s to a wonderful New Year’s Eve for you! Love, Pam XX

New Year resolutions we should all make...

30/12/2013

I hope you’re looking forward to 2014 with optimism and the expectation that you can change something you’d really like to change in your life.

In today’s Daily Express newspaper I’ve written about the things I think we should all change and the New Year is the perfect time.

I hope the tips help and that you have a fun New Year’s Eve tomorrow night and a happy, healthy, sparkling, life-changing 2014! Take care of yourself, Pam

Transform Christmas into the 12 days of Blissmas...

20/12/2013

No matter how much you love each other Christmas can cause a great deal of unhappiness between a couple. You’re pulled in so many directions and often forget to make time for each other.

To combat this I’ve put some sizzling ideas in my Sun newspaper online column -  I hope you can enjoy a few with your partner between now and New Year’s! 

TODAY’S TIP: If you haven’t already, carve out one date night for yourselves. Even if you can’t afford to go out you can have a hot date night at home. The right music, some lovely finger foods to feed each other and candlelight go a long way to soothing any stress between you.

Go on, put each other first for at least one evening over the next couple weeks.

Look after your love, Pamx

Can she resist her brother-in-law over Christmas...

19/12/2013

 

People get themselves into all sorts of situations and sometimes cross paths with temptation when families get together over Christmas. In my Miss Independent Woman website ‘Love Doc’ page this week I tackle one woman’s dilemma about the near miss she had kissing her brother-in-law last Christmas.

It’s a complicated dilemma - as so many are when it comes to lust and desire - and I hope she’ll take my advice. If you’re in a complicated “domestic” situation where you’re attracted to your sister- or brother in law then do check it out.

TODAY’S TIP: infidelity and betrayal are heartbreaking at the best of times but if you go down that route of cheating with a brother- or sister in law you can decimate an entire family.

Desire can be so selfish and doesn’t think about the future consequences of this particularly painful type of infidelity. [Not that any type of affair isn’t painful when discovered!]

Think before you leap into action, Pamx

A few tips to beat Christmas stress over the next week...

18/12/2013

Although you probably made a promise to yourself last year not to get stressed out this Christmas, if you’re like many others that promise when out the window.

Today on my ‘Love Doc’ slot at 8:05 AM (you can click link to listen again) I’m giving a few top tips for the coming week. Angela and Spence host the Heart FM Northwest and Wales breakfast show and although we always have fun I do try and get a few serious points across. :-)

Your stress levels are an equal measure of how many extra responsibilities you take on at this time of year plus lack of self-care - not enough sleep, probably drinking too much, eating lots of fatty Christmas food, etc., that sap your energy

Keep aware of this and as far as possible try to take on less over the next week and care for yourself a bit more.

TODAY’S TIP: Start delegating from today - give straightforward tasks to children (like wrapping Christmas gifts - treat it as an arts and crafts hour!).

Plan ahead how you’ll delegate on Christmas day and email everyone what you expect from them.

Start dumping extra things that you can’t manage - think of that list of “to dos” just like A-list and Z-list celebrities - dump the Z-listers and do the important things

Say No to any additional events, etc., because if you’re feeling stressed it simply adds more stress to stand around eating and drinking when you have 1000 things on your mind. 

'Take five' for yourself every day, put it in your diary and stick to it - relax and sit back with a cup of tea - and don’t answer the phone, etc.

Seasonal self-care means you have enough left over for you and others, Pamx

His size is on her mind...

17/12/2013

Unfortunately some women [and some gay men] have expectations when it comes to their partner's penis size. These expectations can be unrealistic and destructive to a healthy and happy sex life.

In my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK I've answered one woman's dilemma about her partner being on the smaller side.

TODAY’S TIP: This issue comes up far too frequently. I only tackled it a month or two ago in another agony column. Unfortunately it’s something people are curious about - are they big enough, too big, etc.

if you’re considerate, reasonably inventive, lover and great when it comes to foreplay then says should never matter.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Inappropriate flirting in the workplace...

16/12/2013

A little bit of flirting in the workplace is usually fun but so often people don’t know where to stop. And when it’s a married man or woman doing the flirting boundaries need to be set quickly.

In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I’ve tackled one woman’s dilemma - a married man is flirting with her. I hope my advice is helpful to you if you’re going through this situation.

TODAY’S TIP: Some inappropriate relationships can be very tempting especially if you’re a bit lonely or in need of attention. If only you could have 20-20 vision into the future you could predict the heartache and remorse you’d feel.

If you’re tempted I’d advise you to sit back and imagine the sorts of disasters you might create by getting involved with someone who’s married.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Are you trying to get a diagnosis of autism for a loved one - please read on

13/12/2013

Are you a parent, carer or family member trying to get a diagnosis of autism for your child or a loved one? Do check out the phenomenal Anna Kennedy's information from her recent survey and please support her amazing work... "During November, 2013 two thousand people with an autism diagnosis or are the parent or carer of someone who has a diagnosis completed the “Autism Diagnosis Survey in the UK”.... Continues here

Theyve broken up with you just before Christmas and youre crushed...

11/12/2013

Last week on my ‘Love Doc’ slot with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show we discussed breaking up with someone then and there stead of feeling you have to stay on some sort of “mercy love mission” until after Christmas before breaking up.

Today at 8:05 AM we’re discussing how to cope if you’re the one who has just been dumped. I hope you can listen in on the net to some of my tips.

TODAY’S TIP: I know what it’s like to end a relationship in early December and it’s tough. If someone has done that to you, you can’t keep it quiet thinking you don’t want spoke Christmas for your friends and family. They’ll want to know if you’re struggling so do open up.

Take care, Pamx

She's divorced, lonely and has a crush on her doctor...

10/12/2013

One forbidden relationship is falling for your doctor or other health care provider who looks after you in times of ill health or difficulty. There are obvious reasons why professional-patient relationships are out of bounds. Despite that some patients allow feelings of desire to creep into their thoughts for the person who’s gives them advice. In my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK I've answered one woman's dilemma about falling in love with her GP after her divorce. When the link goes live on their site I’ll post it here.

TODAY’S TIP: If you have feelings for your health care provider then you need to keep them under control. If you can’t I strongly advise change healthcare providers and when you check the link later you’ll see my reasons.

Look after yourself, Pamx

How to handle a hot fantasy...

09/12/2013

We all have fantasies and people who say they don’t simply sitting. It is incredibly rare for someone to fantasize occasionally. In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I’ve tackled one dilemma about her red hot fantasy. I hope my tips help if they’re applicable. 

TODAY’S TIP: Enjoy your fantasy life - it’s healthy and natural to have them! Obviously if you have a fantasy that takes you into the realms of something illegal that’s a very, very different matter. I’d advise you to discuss them with your GP, counsellor or health care provider ASAP.

Look after yourself, Pamx

Wondering if your partner will be interested in experimenting with sex toys?

06/12/2013

They locked him up but they could never imprison his courage, spirit and determination - Nelson Mandela changed the world for the better - if only other leaders could take a page from his compassion and conviction to do the right thing. His epic legacy will go on.

Now on to the other things of life including that I find there is this huge split between people who see sex toys as fun and those who feel threatened by them and as if they’re not enough if their partner wants to experiment with them. So today in my Sun newspaper online column - the Sex and Love Academy - I’ve given some advice on how to introduce a vibrator or two into your sex life.

TODAY’S TIP: If you’re keen to do so I hope my advice helps that the key point is to suggested in a very subtle fashion and make sure your partner knows you think they’re fantastic.

Have a wonderful weekend, Pamx

Should you break up with them before Christmas?

04/12/2013

Relationships come to an end at any and every time of the year. And as we all know sometimes it’s mutually agreed and other times a person’s heart is broken. But there’s something deeply heartbreaking breakup around Christmas. We have such high hopes and expectations that we’ll be celebrating the person we love most and if they’ve left you behind it’s devastating.

I’m discussing breaking up at this time of year on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show. I hope you can listen in on the Net.

TODAY’S TIP: If you’re going to break their heart then do it now, don’t limp along until Christmas - to the point where you just can’t take whatever the problem is any longer - and finish your relationship at the worst time of year!

Otherwise if this is only a possibility and you still love them, throw yourself into focusing on them is your priority this Christmas and maybe see each other in light.

Good luck, Pamx

Bedroom boasts can be hurtful...

03/12/2013

Even if you have a great sex life it doesn’t mean everyone wants to hear about it. We’ve all heard people boasting and half of the time we don’t believe it. When it is believable, I personally think, “that’s great” for the person concerned because I know how many people have bad sex lives.

But some people hate having their noses rubbed in it and in my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK today I've answered one woman's dilemma about this. 

TODAY’S TIP: A tip today for the boasters out there: think through how it might sound when you brag about everything you get up to in the bedroom. Does it actually make you look like a big man or woman - or like you’re making up for insecurities?

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Anxieties around having sex at her time of the month...

29/11/2013

I don’t know anyone who has the some point had some anxiety around a sexual relationship. In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I answered one woman’s dilemma about her boyfriend of six months enjoying sex all the way through the month even during her period. 

This makes her anxious and if you feel that way I hope my advice helps.

TODAY’S TIP: Feeling anxious during sex is never good thing and most crucial part is letting your partner know you have a worry. It will strengthen your relationship to be able to communicate about things you find difficult.

Ultimately it’s far easier than keeping these worries secret.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

 

Finding it hard to forgive something stupid your partner did?

27/11/2013

Don’t we all do stupid things at times? Both my hands are going up! On my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show we’re discussing stupid things your partner has done that you still can’t forgive. 

Because we all do stupid things - and partners get very annoyed - I have three basic steps to getting passt our negative feelings…

First off, begin by reminding yourself of the last stupid thing you did before being too judgmental about your post and what they did.

Next you really need to look at the bigger picture - how many great, good, loving things has your partner done compared to this stupid thing?

TODAY’S TIP: Finally, and probably my biggest tip: is this supposedly stupid thing your partner did holding so much power in your thoughts because actually there are other stresses in your relationship?

It’s easy to grab hold of one incident that stands out when actually there are other issues you’re grappling with like arguing over the household budget for the children. The so-called stupid thing they’ve done makes an easy target to aim your anger at.

Hope after little food for thought the next time you face this in your relationship.

All the best, Pamx

When your partner has a little fetish...

26/11/2013

Fetishes or little sexual obsessions are really quite common and by far the majority are harmless. Of course other’s sexual obsessions and fetishes are far from harmless but in my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK today I've answered one woman's dilemma. Her partner seems to be a little bit obsessed  with her hair - I hope my advice is helpful. I’ll post a link here when it goes live on their website.

TODAY’S TIP: My top tip is not to panic when you realise a partner has a sexual obsession or fetish - as long as it’s not against the law and obviously that's a completely different matter. Panic means you may not get to the bottom of what is going on with them when actually with a little understanding you may work it out between you.

Good luck, Pamx

Is his size an issue for you?

25/11/2013

Size shouldn’t matter as there's always ways to cope with - and enjoy - a man who’s overly or underly endowed but sometimes people don’t work out these solutions. In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I’ve answered one woman’s dilemma about her partner being on the small side. I hope the tips help you.

TODAY’S TIP: A little bit of creativity in the bedroom means that size won't matter when it comes to satisfaction - through oral sex, manual sex [him using his hands to arouse his partner], with or without sex toys, etc., partners can be brought to full satisfaction.

As I always say there’s no rule that sex has to be full penetrative sex - or full penetrative sex that ends in orgasm for both partners.

Quite apart from size “issues” many people just aren’t constructed to give each other orgasms through penetration and those couples can use other methods just as happily.

Enjoy, be creative, Pamx

Your days-of-the-week dating diary! Porn to be wild...

22/11/2013

You may not realise it but there are implications for how successful your date might be on the week night or weekend night that you go out. In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve given a rundown on the worst and best days to date.

Over to porn, are you porn to be wild? Do you two enjoy sharing porn? In my Sun newspaper column online - The Sex and Love Academy - I’ve written about how to make sure you don’t run into problems with porn and instead how to make sure it’s something you can enjoy.

TODAY’S TIP: Recent statistics show many couples are sharing porn but the key is to always be respectful of your partner and not make them feel diminished by your enjoyment of porn. The pleasure you can get from occasionally spicing things up with porn is fantastic for many couples what you don’t want is for it to become a problem in your relationship.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

11 mistakes not to make in bed! Some thoughts on bullying for Anti-Bullying Week...

21/11/2013

I've written an article for iVillage UK about classic mistakes we make in bed and what to do about them. I hope my tips are helpful!

Over to bullying - there are so many aspects to bullying as it covers such a vast array of behaviour. For National Anti-Bullying Week I’ve written about how some bullies don’t realise their behaviour is seen as bullying behaviour. I hope it gives food for thought.

And here are articles by various authors on aspects of bullying on a colleague's website - do check them out.

TODAY’S TIP: my personal definition of bullying is quite broad and if you’re upsetting those around you - EVEN if you don’t mean to do so - in a sense of bullying if they’re walking on eggshells because of your behaviour.

We all need to think more about these issues, Pamx

Money can tear you apart! Things you shouldnt say to men...

20/11/2013

In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on the lottery winners who are divorcing less than a year after their big win. It just shows money can’t buy you love and when you have a windfall sometimes one of you or both of you can’t handle it well. You discover you don’t like the way your partner is behaving once they’re loaded! Also if you’ve had problems in your relationship you now have the perfect escape route with money to take you out of the relationship.

Men and women can be sensitive about certain subjects. We’re talking about what you shouldn’t say to men on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 7:50 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show.

TODAY’S TIP: One thing for sure is never call him “babyish” if, e.g., he has a phobia or tell him to “man up” over an issue. Such comments make him feel worse inside. There are other ways to make point without undermining his self-esteem.

Look after each other, Pamx

Taking flirting a bit far in the office...

19/11/2013

Let’s face it a little bit of flirting is so much fun and I always say flirting makes the world go round, social interaction smoother and puts a spring in your step. But I am talking about innocent, harmless flirting.

In my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK I've answered one woman's dilemma about some very frisky flirting indeed.

TODAY’S TIP: this is my Golden rule of flirting: if you were part of a couple and you are flirting with a third-party, is it the sort of flirting you’d do in front of your partner? You know the sort of thing I mean, for instance, you and your partner are at an event chatting to a group of people and you remark on how great someone is looking with a twinkle in your eye.

If it’s not that type of flirting then in the modern workplace [with sexual harassment laws] it sounds like it’s flirting gone too far.

Have fun but be sensible, Pamx

Dont lower the age of consent! Plus the pros and cons of one night stands...

18/11/2013

In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on the suggestion that the age of sexual consent should be lowered to 15 - my view? Absolutely not! Teens are under so much pressure that if it gives some and out clause to say no because it’s illegal then that’s a good thing.

I hear from many people about one night stands - questions and dilemmas range from those who’ve had bad experiences to those who have had mind blowing sex. In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I’ve tackled one woman’s question about whether she should have more one night stands seeing as she had such red-hot sex in one. Will you agree with my thoughts? 

TODAY’S TIP: 3 key things with one night stands - be safe, only have them if you’re confident, and if you’re confident then you’ll get what you want from them.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Location, location, location... for having sex!

14/11/2013

Today on iVillage UK I have a new article with all sorts of locations for you to have sex in and keep your sex life spicy. Just be sensible (as if I have to tell you) and if abroad knwo the laws of that country.

TODAY’S TIP: part of keeping things sexy is being playful with each other and you might just find doing one thing as a favour for him has a fantastic result - because you can ask him to do such a favour back for you!

Have fun in bed, Pamx

Some things should remain private between couples...

13/11/2013

Before getting onto privacy between partners a quick note that I saw a screening of Saving Mr. Banks last night and it's going to be a must-see for the Christmas season....a truly wonderful film but here's awarning though - your tearducks will get a wokout!

Although many might disagree I’m of the school of thought that couples don’t need to share everything and I’m talking about going to the toilet in front of each other. On my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 7:50 AM I’m chatting about this with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show.

Some things are sacred [I’m obviously using that word loosely] and most definitely should stay behind closed doors. I think it’s an absolute relationship rule to retain a bit of the romance… and to do so you need to keep the bathroom door closed unless of course you’re sharing a romantic candlelit shower or bath.

Unfortunately in my line of work I hear from those people who can’t get those passion-killing images out of their head when they then want to have a bit of fun with their partner.

TODAY’S TIP: Keep firmly in mind that many couples regret having let go and done  everything in front of their partner - in principle it seems like you’re just being completely free with each other but it can backfire. Retain that mystery!

Happy Wednesday, Pamx

Pretox for Christmas! Building trust after an emotionally abusive relationship...

12/11/2013

December can be an enormous drag on all of us mentally, emotionally and physically. One thing we can do is be fighting fit for the Christmas season and in today’s Sun newspaper I’ve written top tips for keeping the right mental mindset forpre-toxing for Christmas.

One of the main tips is about breaking any small weight loss [as this is] into manageable goals. It never works if [and it's particularly unhealthy] if you try to lose a lot of weight quickly.

Small but manageable steps is ALWAYS the best way forward. Otherwise your body goes into "starvation mode" and tries to retain any calories. Never start a diet without talking to your health care provider.

Over in my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK I've answered one woman's dilemma about how to start dating again after coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship. I do hope my tips to her help you if you’ve also emerged from such a relationship.

TODAY’S TIP: The most important tip is to make sure you’ve recovered enough from such an experience that you’re actually to ready to meet someone new. You never want to rush the healing process.

Look after yourself, Pamx

So he wants you to wax it all off?

11/11/2013

Now that there are 101 ways a woman can wax, groom, and style her pubic hair it’s become more of an issue for man to ask you to do so in the way that he desires. See what I have to say about this in my Miss Independent Woman Magazinewebsite Love Doc page this week.

TODAY’S TIP: part of keeping things sexy is being playful with each other and you might just find doing one thing as a favour for him has a fantastic result - because you can ask him to do such a favour back for you!

Have fun in bed, Pamx

 

Sexual jealousy, when the green eyed monster rears up in the bedroom

08/11/2013

Jealousy is a natural emotion that by far the majority of us experience at some point. Thankfully most of us keep it in check but for some people, particularly when it comes to sexual jealousy, they find it can destroy their sex life and their relationship.

In my Sun newspaper online columm - The Sex and Love Academy - I’ve written about this and I hope my tips help you if you’re going through this.  

TODAY’S TIP: In the meantime the worst thing you can do is sit on anxiety-provoking jealous feelings. Let your partner know that you want to sort out your jealousy and together you can work through it.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

Mirror, mirror on the wall... do you obsess about it?

07/11/2013

Mirror, mirror on the wall... do you obsess about it?

I’m posting an article I wrote today about mirror angst syndrome - something that particularly affects many women (and men) and women over 40 more than any others. Check it out on my home page under “hot off the press”

TODAY’S TIP: Try turning on its head what you see in the mirror presently - if you only see the signs of the aging process look for the sparkle in your eyes, and the warmth of your smile and see past physical features into the personality that looks back at you.

Happy Thursday, Pamx

 

He was caught watching porn...

06/11/2013

If ever there was a dilemma that has quadrupled in my Agony Aunt email bag it’s mainly men being caught out watching porn by their partner. On my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show we’re tackling this. Bearing in mind it’s a breakfast show with lots of parents on the school run with their children we’ll  have to handle it carefully - but I’ll be providing a couple tips for coping with the situation.

TODAY’S TIP: if this happens to you, you may feel like panicking and making a rash decision about your relationship because you feel betrayed and maybe a whole range of other emotions like perhaps feeling sexually rejected. However it may be your partner only occasionally watches porn and it may not be a real problem.

An honest conversation will help you get to the bottom of it but if they react in an agitated and angry way it may be that you’ve discovered a secret of theirs that they didn’t want you to. That’s when it gets serious.

Good luck, Pamx

My boyfriend likes 50-shades style sex...

05/11/2013

There’s been a lot of press about how the 50-shades trilogy has seen an increase in women wanting to explore a little bondage, etc. But it’s not always the woman that wants to try this out! In my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK I've answered one woman's dilemma about this today.

TODAY’S TIP: You shouldn’t feel pressured to experiment with sexual practises that turn you off but as I repeatedly stress there’s often a way to compromise in the bedroom.

So if someone wants a bit of 50-shades style sex maybe you’re happy to experiment with handcuffs but nothing further like spanking. Here comes the ‘C’ word - it takes good-enough communication to let your partner know how far you’ll go with something new.

Look after yourselves, Pamx

When your partner has personal hygiene issues...

01/11/2013

Personal hygiene issues raise their head in my agony aunt bag more often than not. This is far more common than you’d think and this week in my Miss Independent Woman magazine Love Doc page I’ve answered a woman’s question about her man’s body odour.

If you’re facing this dilemma I hope my tips point you in the right direction.

TODAY’S TIP: these feel like the trickiest problems in the world to handle but believe me once you tackle them either subtly or in a more direct manner they’re soon forgotten and actually your partner is usually very happy to change.

Remember take your own fear out and think about the good that can come out of helping someone who would be mortified if they felt they had offended someone with their body odor.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

You've brpken up so do you give back the ring, sell it or keep it?

30/10/2013

With the rate at which couples break up during an engagement it’s no surprise to me that I often hear from angry men who want their rings back, women who couldn’t wait to cash in on their rings, and some women who thought they wanted to go through the breakup with dignity and give the ring back.

I’m discussing the various angles to this issue on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:20 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show.

For the most part I think the ring should go back to him if you never made it down the aisle. Hope you can listen in to the show to hear my reasoning why.

TODAY’S TIP: as the so many dilemmas in life you have your own conscience to answer to - let it guide you when it comes to this type of issue.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Do you always go for the wrong type?

29/10/2013

I think most of us have been out with a bad boy or two and the same holds true for men who've had their fingers burnt by women who’ve taken advantage of them. It’s the way of the world. But how about when you repeatedly seem to choose the wrong type?

In my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK I've answered one woman's dilemma about always finding herself with the wrong men. If you’ve been in this situation I hope my advice to her helps. I’ll post a link here later when it goes live on their site.

TODAY’S TIP: whether you’re a woman or a man who always seems to be treated 2nd best the next time you start dating someone if your “bad boy or bad girl” radar goes off then listen to it. It’s your intuition telling you that this new person is treating you is how the last one did... Not well enough!

Look after yourself, Pamx

Are you a pet owner and have a new partner? Read on...

28/10/2013

I’m a pet owner and I love my cats but there’s a limit when you’re introducing a new partner to your pets. Find out what I think this woman’s limit should be in my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week. I wonder if you’ll agree with my advice or not? 

TODAY’S TIP: I wish I was paid a small fee for every time I recommended compromise - the ‘C’ word is important! When it comes to pets and partners there is practically always a compromise.

If you care about your new relationship enough you should be able to keep everyone happy including your precious pets.

Happy Monday! Pamx 

When a man loses his mojo...

25/10/2013

A lack of sexual desire can have a powerful impact on how you feel about yourself, your self-esteem and confidence and that can be particularly true for men who define themselves by being masculine and that means sexual. I’m not in any way underestimating how it affects women when they lose their desire - it can have just as many far-reaching effects but in my Sun newspaper column today I’ve written about some of the things men and their partners should consider if his desire has disappeared.

TODAY’S TIP: It’s not the end of the world when someone loses desire as there’s so many things that can be done to rekindle it. The best tip of all is don’t panic and be honest with your partner that you’re struggling with desire for whatever reason - too much stress at work, ill health, potentially problems between you two and potentially low testosterone.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx 

When a partner plays computer games. And a friends objections to a sexual fling.

23/10/2013

Computer games are fun for those who play them unless their playing causes problems in their relationship and/or becomes addictive. On my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:20 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show I’m discussing a few tips on how to handle a partner who is always playing computer games.

Onto another dilemma - this time about when a friend objects to a sexual relationship you’re having. In my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK I've answered one woman's dilemma about this - she’s having a fling with a married man and her friend is unhappy about it. Sounds like a good friend to me!

I hope my tips in the link help you if you’re in this situation. 

TODAY’S TIP: A good friend is one who cares about your well-being. Yes, sometimes we even want our friends to keep their noses out of certain things but the friend that won’t run scared of giving you good advice is probably a very good friend to keep.

Look after yourself, Pamx 

Dilemmas: how to feel sexy after divorce and steering clear of married men...

22/10/2013

I hope you’ve had a lovely week and a half while I’ve been away. Here are a couple links to dilemmas I've recently tackled - I hope you find the tips helpful.

In my Love Clinic on iVillage UK I've tackled how to feel sexy again after divorce.

And on my Love Doc page on Miss Independent Woman Magazine I’ve answered a dilemma about going out with a married man - I wonder if you'll agree with my advice?

It's going to be a busy couple days catching up in the office but it's lovely to be back.

Take care of yourself, Pamx p.s. If you have the chance to go to Turks and Caicos I highly recommend the Windsong Resort with its wonderful snorkeling beach. Elisha in reservations is so helpful and lovely!

Here's a little something extra to cook up some fun with this weekend....

11/10/2013

Cook up some red hot fun for the weekend - here are some rude-food tips in my iVillage UK article - enjoy!

Are you worried about certain types of intimacy like oral sex? Build your confidence to...

11/10/2013

Many people find they can overcome certain fears when it comes to intimacy like trying a few new techniques with their partner. But equally many find the thought of oral sex daunting and just don’t know how to get around their nerves about giving or receiving it.

In my Sun newspaper Sex & Love Academy column today I’ve tackled how to build your confidence to pleasure your partner this way as well as some top tips.  v

TODAY’S TIP: the starting point to building your confidence to go down on your partner begins with realizing that everyone has to start somewhere. It doesn’t make you a lesser lover just because you’re not experienced in oral techniques. Keep reminding yourself that the best beginners are those who ask what their partner wants... You can’t bank a better start than that!

I’m now abroad until Tuesday, October 22 - have a wonderful week and a half!

Take care of yourself, Pamx 

How to tell the difference between lust and love...

09/10/2013

I'm often asked about how two people can have such powerful feelings within a short time of meeting someone and whether that can be real love. Today on my ‘Love Doc’ slot at 8:20 AM I’m discussing this with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show. I hope you can listen in.

TODAY’S TIP: Otherwise remember that our bodies/brains trick us into thinking the sexual chemistry we feel is real love.

Such feelings can disappear within weeks if you don’t have a foundation to build true love on. So I think it's wise not to make decisions (like moving in together) in the 1st month or so of getting to know someone - you might just find you’re not really in love with them and it was lust afterall.

Happy loving, Pamx 

Is a shy partner also shy in bed?

08/10/2013

We often make judgments about someone’s sexual desires based on how outgoing they are. Extrovert and life and soul and of the party and we assume they’re going to be a red hot lover. On the shy side and we assume they’re not that interested!

I put right that myth in my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK where I've answered one woman's dilemma where she’d like to share her sexual fantasy with her shy guy.

TODAY’S TIP: I hope the tips I gave her help you when in the meantime always remember you shouldn’t stereotype someone’s sexual abilities or desires based on their personality. You never know and still waters can run very deep.

Take care of each other, Pamx 

Questions you must ask before you get serious with that new person. A stripper fantasy...

07/10/2013

Sometimes people get swept away in passion and desire and don’t ask the right questions of each other before letting it get too serious. Once you’re in deep you discover things you may not know - and may not like! In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve written about some of the things you should ask each other.

On my Love Doc page for Miss Independent Woman magazine I've also answered a dilemma about one woman's stripper fantasy - I hope my advice helps you if something similar's troubling you. 

TODAY’S TIP: Back to love - remember if you’re looking for a committed relationship it’s far better to know the answers to these things than hide your head in the sand hoping your new partner feels the same way about important issues.

Happy Monday, Pamx 

Parenting quiz! And dilemma: Her boss flirts too much with her...

02/10/2013

Parenting has been on everyone’s minds with the birth of the Royal baby in the summer and now entertainment “royalty”, Simon Cowell, expecting a baby with his partner Lauren. In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve devised a quiz to tell you about your “parenting profile” - are you timid, tough or a team-player?

Now when it comes to workplace relationships we get into tricky territory when it comes to flirting. Only a decade or two ago flirting was acceptable, the norm, you certainly couldn’t complain. Now you have every right to feel you can go to work and not have your boss flirt with you.

I’m discussing this on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:20 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show. One listener got in touch worried about his wife’s boss flirting and ‘twerking’ with her. He’s wondering if he needs to have a word with her boss. I hope you can listen in to my advice this morning.

TODAY’S TIP: Always set your boundaries and tell your boss, colleague or your junior if there flirting too much. You can do it calmly and you don’t have to make big deal but you just need to be clear about it.

If they continued flirt then you tell them you can report them to HR and keep a note of everything that happens with dates and times.

Look after yourself, Pamx 

Has your partner called you by their exs name? SEparation can work...

01/10/2013

In today's sun newspaper I wrote about Michael and Catherine Douglas reportedly getting back together after their trial separation. A trial separation works well for some couples - it takes the heat out of their issues and gives them time to think about what needs changing as well as what they miss about their partner.

Before you give in completely on your love it may be worth considering a trial separation. Good luck?

Don’t you just hate those moments when the wrong name slips out?! Hasn’t it happened to most people at some point? If it happens once it’s usually completely explainable and excusable - but if someone’s a repeat offender calling you by their ex’s name there may well be some baggage there.

In my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK I've answered one woman's dilemma about her boyfriend of six months calling out his ex’s name in a “sensitive” moment.

TODAY’S TIP: if it’s once, and their apologetic, move on and don’t get paranoid. But if it happens on a few occasions it’s time to have a chat with them about why their ex’s on their mind so often.

Take care of yourself, Pamx p.s. It's my birthday today so feel free to wish me happy birthday :-)

Some of the main reasons people cheat and how to prevent it...

27/09/2013

There is so much hurt and pain out there because of the high levels of infidelity with recent statistics showing just over 40% of men and 30% of women admit cheating in one major relationship.

Today in my Sun Newspaper online column - the Sex and Love Academy - I’ve outlined four main reasons why people cheat [although obviously there are vast number of reasons why but these are the main ones I come across in my agony aunt and life coaching work] and a few tips to keep things lively and hopefully satisfying. I’ll post a link when it’s live on their site.

TODAY’S TIP: Ultimately feeling loving between you - plus fun in the bedroom - are good preventative measures so I hope my tips help you.

Have a great weekend, Pamx 

Does your partner withhold affection in public?

25/09/2013

People have very different expectations of how much affection they should show and usually this goes back to the way their family showed or withheld affection. I’m discussing this today on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:20 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show (link here) It doesn’t necessarily spell doom for your relationship if one of you doesn’t like public affection.

But each couple has to agree where they lie on the ‘public affection scale’.

I find the partner who’d like a little affection in public feels it’s like a personal hurt to them that their partner doesn’t show them any. Left unspoken these are the sorts of seemingly small issues that fester - so you need to talk about it.

Explore why one of you doesn’t want to show affection and the other does? Is it your backgrounds? Or does the one who wants affection feel insecure in your love and maybe they want to show the world [your peer group] that you do love them?

TODAY’S TIP: There’s always ways around this type of issue - a little compromise goes far. Try agreeing something like when you first walk into, e.g., a pub where you're meeting friends that you’ll hold hands as you walk in.

Then after your “entrance” together you can agree that you don’t have to demonstrate anymore physical affection. Doesn’t seem too much to ask!

Take care, Pamx 

My plans to surprise him in the bedroom backfired spectacularly...

24/09/2013

I love it when someone tells me they plan to surprise for their partner - whether it’s a romantic one, practical and helpful one, or a sexy one - we should all do it regularly. But the best plans can backfire and in my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK I've answered one woman's dilemma about a sexy surprise that ended up a disaster.

She felt humiliated when her plans been wrong and I’ll post a link when it goes live on iVillage site. If you’ve recently been embarrassed in front of a partner in the bedroom it might give you a few things to think about.

TODAY’S TIP: When plans go wrong you have to look at the bigger picture - was it really such a disaster? Can you learn from it? Will an apology help move things on? Can you laugh about it eventually?

Putting things in perspective can take the sting out of it when your plans disappoint you.

Happy Tuesday, Pamx 

Shocked by her suggestion to wife swap...

20/09/2013

You'd think since people have been talking about swinging, sex parties, group sex, etc. for the last few decades that people would know where they stand. But that's not human nature and it still can be confusing when someone suggests this to you and your partner. In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I've tackled one woman's anxiety about another couple wanting to do this with her and her husband. Maybe my thoughts will be of help to you if you're in this situation. 

TODAY’S TIP: Here we go again... I always say it's important for your well-being and self-esteem that you never give into a sexual request that causes you upset or anxiety.

Sometimes there are ways of compromising especially if it's your partner who wants to try swapping or going to the sex party, etc. For instance, maybe you can compromise by occasionally watching a porn video about group sex.

It can be trickier when an outsider makes a suggestion - as in the dilemma I've tackled this week - because you or your partner might be interested in this suggestion. This can suddenly reveal to a couple that one partner - or the other - wants to experiment. This can feel very threatening to the partner who doesn't want to experiment.

If your relationship is strong enough and you're willing to communicate honestly there's a good chance you can sort out your sexual differences.

Look after yourselves over the weekend, Pamx 

Coping with empty nest syndrome. The little things that irritate us!

18/09/2013

Empty nest syndrome is hitting parents across the country as their youngest goes off to university, on a gap year, or maybe to work in another city. A minority of parents rejoice but most parents in my experience suffer quite a bit as they reconcile their new life with an empty feeling home. Here are some tips I wrote about in the Sun newspaper

It's funny how the little things can cause mighty big problems for couples. And today on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show we're talking about men who make a hash of the shopping. I hope you have a chance to listen as I'll have a few tips to smooth over the shopping rows.

Consumer research found that women are ‘cannier’ when they shop and spend less than men who seem to get frustrated more easily and grab the first thing they see - which maybe a more expensive item.

TODAY’S TIP: Ultimately if you've got a great partner then things like them buying the wrong things at the supermarket really shouldn't matter. Count your blessings and let the little things go!

Take care of your relationship if you're in one and yourself, Pamx 

Should I reassure the man I want to go out with about his baldness? Lack of sex...

17/09/2013

At 12:30 PM on discussing erectile dysfunction and medications like Viagra as one national report highlights the variation in prescribing practices across the country. It's on the Annie Othen show on BBC radio Coventry and Warwickshire - Annie is always great to chat to.

Over to dilemmas - sometimes we think we're going to do a bit of good by offering reassurance when actually it's the wrong thing to do. In my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK I've answered one woman's dilemma about whether she should tell a bald man she'd like to go out with that his "baldness doesn't bother her".

Also on iVillage UK I've written an article about a recent survey finding that there is a lack of sex across the nation's bedrooms. My thoughts and tips here.

TODAY’S TIP: So often a lack of sex is not about a lack of love this it's often about not having the time or feeling too stressed to have sex.

All couples should prioritise time together - whether it's just warm and affectionate time, a for long candlelit dinner, or slipping between the sheets for sex - you need time for each other.

Take care of your love life, Pamx 

Don't let the joy of summer fade - top tips! And mismatched sex drives...

16/09/2013

This is the time of year when people miss that summer holiday feeling even though they may not have seasonal affective disorder (SAD). So in today's Express newspaper I've provided 10 top tips to try and reboot your mood for the autumn.

Mismatched sex drives is something I've written about before and will surely return to again as I have today. This is a perennial problem between many couples. You may not need the same amount of sleep as your partner, you may not eat the same amount or type of food as they do and you certainly may not need or want the same amount of sex.

But it's something that has to be negotiated between you and in my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I've answered one woman's question about her fiancé wanting so much sex. I hope you find my advice gives a little food for thought.

TODAY’S TIP: There are always compromises to be had if you're both willing to make the best of your relationship and sex life. No one can be so selfish as to expect sex to be 100% on their terms.

Good luck compromising, Pamx 

Does your partner have a fetish? Friday the 13th!

13/09/2013

You may love each other to bits, you may share passions for the same hobbies, but when it comes to what you want to do in the bedroom you may have very different ideas. I'm often asked the following two questions: how can I share my secret fetish with my partner? And the opposite side of the coin for this, my partner wants to do something kinky that I'm not interested in - how do I handle it?

In my Sun newspaper online Sex and Love Academy column today I've tried to give lots of tips on this whole area of getting a bit kinky together.

TODAY’S TIP: As it's the weekend it might be the time when you actually have more time to experiment in bed. These things shouldn't be rushed and when you have time to mess around and enjoy a pleasuring each other is the perfect time to mention what you'd like to try.

Follow my tips and hopefully they'll follow your suggestions.

Don't buy into the myth that Friday the 13th is an unlucky day - for me it always seems to be quite lucky! Research shows that you kind of make your own luck on these days - so go out with a positive attitude rather than expecting the worst.

That said Friday the 13th hasn't started well for me as I've woken up with a terrible sore throat and viral feeling...I'll be so upset if I'm not well enough to go to the Celebrity Big Brother final tonight :((

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx 

Making a big deal out of a birthmark. And fun sex to try....

12/09/2013

Most of us could do with a few ideas for our sex lives and in my new iVillage UKarticle I've included 12 suggestions and why they might be beneficial to your sex life. I hope you enjoy these! 

Now hello to Thursday which has whizzed around so quickly and it means it’s National Agony Aunt Day. Thanks so much for getting in touch - today I've answered one woman's dilemma about her birthmark located on her... bottom.

Check my advice to her if you're concerned over something that makes you feel nervous taking your clothes off.

TODAY’S TIP: we all have lumps, bumps marks and scars and we all have to accept them. From today remind yourself every day you're an entire person and not just some bit of your body that you worry about.

Lots of love, Pamx 

Remembering 9/11. And finding love...

11/09/2013

It's 12 years since 9/11 and quite unbelievable how vivid it is in our minds. Who could ever forget those horrendous, time-stopping, frightening images beamed around the world? Taking time to remember the enormity of this tragedy and the innocent people who lost their lives that day never seems enough. We can never thank enough the brave firefighters and police who went to help.

It's carved deep into my memory how desperate we were to get news of loved ones in New York. And then when we had the good news they were fine it was hard to believe the stories they had to share - they had very lucky escapes indeed.

But as with life it goes on and such a big part of that is about finding love - and the extent some go to to find it including lying about their abilities and themselves. I hope you'll join me on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show. Today were discussing why people lie to impress a new date - it's never a good idea!

TODAY’S TIP: It's one thing to put your best foot forward in trying press someone with the sparkling side of your personality. But it's quite another to lie about the things you know or do - you're bound to get caught out.

Take very good care of yourself, Pamx 

Help - we need to find the sexual spark again! Wear it for autism charity show today!

10/09/2013

I don't know anyone who hasn't been through rough patches in their relationship - but it's how you get through them and whether they make you stronger, weaker were even break you apart, that counts. In my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK I've answered one woman's dilemma about how various problems have left their love strong but their sex life a shambles.

When it goes live on their website later I'll post the link here - I hope my advice helps you if your situation is similar.

Over to the Anna Kennedy Online Charity that supports those with a family member with autism - I'm so looking forward to their event tonight - such a fantastic idea to provide a little bit of pampering for those with autism or who have a family member with autism. 

Everyone needs a bit of pampering from time to time and it'll be quite an event with top fashion and styling.

TODAY’S TIP: is there someone you could do something for - someone who might need a little bit of pampering? Or who might benefit from a little bit of your time? Life would be a whole lot easier if all of us would give a little time occasionally.

Happy Tuesday, Pamx 

Back to Celebrity Big Brother tomorrow He surprised me during sex...

06/09/2013

Tomorrow [Saturday] I'm heading over to the Big Brother studios for my last expert slot - can't believe the summer of 'bruv' is nearly over. There's so much going on with the housemates in the last few days that we'll have plenty to talk about - we always run out of time! 

Over to relationships and sometimes a partner will suddenly do something in the middle of sex that surprises you. It's completely unexpected and something they've never done before. It may be that they didn't intend to upset you but perhaps it did. Or sometimes a partner thinks they can try something on using "surprise" tactics... Never a good idea!

 In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I've tackled this problem. In this particular dilemma the woman was surprised when her partner tried to slip his finger up her backside. My thoughts and advice for her are in the link. 

TODAY’S TIP: I've mentioned "bedroom etiquette" before and it includes not surprising a partner with something new and different. It's plain bad manners if you want something quite different and just plunge on ahead.

Definitely hint, ask or suggest - but don't just go for it.

Take care, Pamx 

 

An assault has left her traumatised...

05/09/2013

It's Thursday and that means one thing National Agony Aunt Day - so many different dilemmas have been e-mailed and thanks so much for all of them. Today I've answered one from ‘Robin’ about having been assaulted and having a delayed response to that.

This is certainly not uncommon as I've reassured her and please do check the link on my homepage for a help line number in my response to her at ‘dilemma I've answered this week’.

TODAY’S TIP: if you've been assaulted it's important to seek the appropriate help and get support from trusted family or friends. Some people feel they need to be 'brave', find their stiff upper lip and carry-on by putting it firmly in the past - that may work for some but for others it comes back to cause them emotional pain. I advise not risking this and to get the support you can asap.

Take good care of yourself, Pamx 

Her mother doesn't like her first boyfriend...

04/09/2013

It's the age-old dilemma when your teenage daughter brings home her first boyfriend [I've been there] and you worry if he's good enough, treats her well, isn't going to break her heart, etc. Of course we mother is worry about our sons to but today I'm tackling this dilemma that one 17-year-old girl texted into my Love Doc’ slot on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show with Angela and Spence.

We'll be chatting around 8:05 AM and I'll have a few tips.

TODAY’S TIP: The most important question in these situations is – is the boyfriend really not good enough? Or is the mother simply facing that inner anxiety that her little girl is finally growing up - and no boy is going to be good enough. This is the starting point for making decisions.

Look after yourself, Pamx 

Is a secret from your past worrying you?

03/09/2013

Every single human being has secrets of some type, some not particularly bad or shocking and some they feel very badly about. In my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK I've advised on a woman's fear that a secret from her past will affect her new relationship.

TODAY’S TIP: always ask yourself is this secret something that really needs to be discussed? Or is it something that really doesn't matter anymore and you can leave in the past? You are entitled to some privacy and you have to remember that the person you are today is the sum total of your experiences.

Take care of yourself, Pamx 

Back to Big Brother for the expert slot tonight! Has your partner suggested a threesome?

02/09/2013

Heading to the Big Brothers Studios tonight to chat about the celebrity housemates behaviour over the last few days. The characters are all so complicated this year [yes, you might say all humans are complicated but these HMs are off the register] that means there's lots to talk about.

Over to threesomes... in my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc column this week I've answered a woman's dilemma about her husband wanting a threesome. I hope my suggestions are helpful if you can identify with her situation. 

TODAY’S TIP: I'm going to say it for the millionth time that no one should ever be pressured into a sexual practice they don't want to try! For some reason people feel they can't set their boundaries on sexual practices their partners want to try - you can and you should. Sex is for both of you to enjoy and not just one person to fulfill a fantasy.

Have a wonderful Monday, Pamx 

If you're on the shy side in bed...

30/08/2013

I have loads of tips for you if you're on the shy side in bed and research suggests that many people are. It's not that shy people don't want or like sex but often they find they just don't have the confidence to ask for what they'd like to try.

I've tackled this in my Sun newspaper online Sex and Love Academy column and there are tips that anyone - no matter how shy - can try.

TODAY’S TIP: the first thing anyone who’s shy should realise is that you don't have to actually ask for what you want into you gain confidence. Because it can be daunting getting those words out saying you'd like your partner to do X, Y or Z Though remember many partners find it a big turn on to be asked to try something.

Instead you can simply guide their hand, fingers, mouth, etc., to where you'd like to be touched. And take it from there please do check out my column.

Have a lovely weekend,  Pamx 

Discussing celebrity breakups on the Daybreak television sofa...

28/08/2013

Join me tomorrow [Thursday Aug 29th] morning after 8 AM to discuss why Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones have separated when they seem to have the most successful and loving celebrity marriage.

There are lots of issues involved when it comes to A-lister relationships that we'll be talking about and I look forward to seeing Matt Barbet and Kate Garraway.

And National Agony Aunt Day will be back next week as after Daybreak I'm off to a mini-conference.

In the meantime I hope you're looking after your own relationship, take care, Pamx

When your partner spends too much time at the pub. And left high and dry and pregnant.

28/08/2013

The pub can be a perennial problem for so many couples. Usually it's a woman complaining about her partner propping up the bar every night after work but sometimes it's the woman who likes to socialise at the pub. I'm discussing this on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show - hope my tips help!

In my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK I've answered one woman's dilemma about colleague she's had an on-off relationship with - she's fallen pregnant and he doesn't want anything to do with her or the baby. I hope my advice helps her because she's going to need all the support she can get from friends and family.

TODAY’S TIP: Sometimes a man who takes such a cruel view about an unplanned pregnancy eventually comes around and has some involvement with his child. After all it's not the baby's fault the timing wasn't ideal. Other times the best a woman can get is financial support and obviously if he drags his feet she needs to contact the CSA.

It's a very challenging process so for anyone going through it I wish them all the best.

Take care, Pamx 

Celebrity Big Brother. How excessive weight gain can cause difficulties in a relationship...

27/08/2013

Was lovely to work with the phenomenal Emma Willis on last night's Big Brother’s Bit on the Side. The celebrity housemates this year are a complicated bunch - so we tried to cover many of them.

Now, one of the most sensitive topics partner is fine to discuss is when one has put on excessive weight. Even the most loving caring partner who is concerned about their partner’s well-being finds it hard to say the right thing. In today's Sun newspaper I've written about some of the things that underlie this particular relationship issue.

TODAY’S TIP: Always focused on what counts and that's understanding why someone may have put on an unhealthy level of weight and how you can be supportive. There aren't other suggestions in my article.

Look after each other, Pamx 

Does your partner's "dirty talk" worry you? And Celebrity Big Brother expert slot tomorrow...

23/08/2013

There are many things in the bedroom that people get a bit freaked out about and talking dirty is one of them. Some people see it as a turn on, a bit of a laugh and others just don't get it. Today in my weekly Miss Independent Woman ‘Love Doc’ page I've tackled this issue. If you're worried about this I hope my tips help.

I can't wait to get stuck into Celebrity Big Brother psych chat tomorrow with the presenter AJ and I'm  excited to finally meet Dr. Funke their regular Saturday psychologist. It's after the main show if you're in Saturday night. I'll also be back for the Monday night expert slots - will be fun!

TODAY’S TIP: back to talking dirty - the best starting point if it's something you like doing it to start gently - got that? Gently and tactfully! This way you can get an idea of how your partner reacts to it.

Have a wonderful weekend, back on Tuesday as it's a long weekend in the UK, Pamx 

Time to bust some orgasm myths! And a dilemma about a sexuality...

22/08/2013

There are so many damaging myths and beliefs around orgasms so I've written an article for iVillage UK about these. I hope you find it helpful especially if you've had difficulty reaching climax.

It's Thursday and that means it's Agony Aunt Day - so many very big thanks use for your e-mails - this week I've answered one from someone who e-mailed anonymously so I'm going to call her Julia. She had a question about asexuality - if you're wondering about this I hope you check it out.

TODAY’S TIP: when it comes to how we feel about sex instead of listening to our hearts too many of us think we have to live up to someone else's standard. And usually that's the standard we read in magazines, books and/or websites. What's important is that you're true to yourself and your needs and desires. And if you worry about a sexual matter that you get good information about it or talk to a trusted friend.

Take care, Pamx 

If you're single there is the love around practically any corner...

21/08/2013

I hear from singles all the time who met each other in unusual or unexpected places. When I was single I know I met people in random places like the gym and even the city council building! So I'm discussing this today on my Love Doc slot at 8:20 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show - I hope you can listen in, check the Heart FM North West website.

TODAY’S TIP: If you're single looking for love [unless you're loving your single life] you should always be ready for a chance encounter. You never know when some interesting/attractive person crosses your path somewhere unexpected. If you're ready with a smile and say a friendly "hello" you may be onto something good.

It goes without saying that you need to be safe when it comes to randomly bumping into someone and starting a conversation. If you do you meet someone in a random place like a supermarket, when you exchange numbers and plan to meet up, let your friends know who you’re meeting and where you’re meeting this person - make it a public place.

Happy, safe dating, Pamx 

 

Are things in the bedroom boring? Your toddler's personality. Big Brother...

20/08/2013

My Tuesday Love Clinic at iVillage UK is back now that my editor is back and today I've tackled a woman's dilemma about how boring being so got in the bedroom for her.

Normally we make the mistake of thinking a man's going to get bored but often find this isn't the case and men are happy with "comfortable" sex that meet their basic sexual needs. I'll post the link here as soon as it goes live on their website.

It's amazing howyour toddler’s behaviour may predict their future personality and career. Watching your toddler and how they respond to the world around them can give you lots of information about their future life. Putting aside any major event that could potentially alter the course of their development - like an unhappy divorce or severe illness - that cuddly toddler might end up in the caring professions and that one who obstinately says ‘No’ to EVERY request may end up in a career that allows them a great deal of independence.

In today's Sun newspaper I've commented on a few of these characteristics - enjoy your toddler and watching their growing personality - my biggest tip is time flies and you think they're going to be a little child forever and suddenly you turn around and they're grown-up - as mine have and flown the nest.

TODAY’S TIP: Back to bedroom matters - it's so easy to slip into a boring sexual routine. One minute you're having hot sex and suddenly you think, erm, we've been doing the same position every Sunday morning for the last six months.

You don't have to swing from the proverbial but you do you occasionally need to nurture your sex life as you do every part of your relationship.

It was lovely to see Sam win in Big Brother last night. He wasn't my first choice but he's a worthy winner and if he can become a real role model for those with hearing impairment then that's a result!

Roll on the celebrity series Thursday - if they're subjected to the secrets and lies the housemates were in this series it'll be an interesting watch! I'm looking forward to my first expert slot on Saturday night.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

As another affair causes heartbreak...

19/08/2013

I'm going to break out that old cliché... I'd be rich if I had £1 each time someone e-mailed me as an agony aunt after an affair that's gone wrong.

Today in my Miss Independent Woman magazine column I've tackled a woman who’s feeling fairly crushed by the way a married man has treated her. It's even affected her friendships. If you or a friend are going through this right now I hope my advice helps.

TODAY’S TIP: affairs can be very tempting - many tell me about the intensity of a married man or woman's attentions and how hard it was to say ‘no’ when they were being pursued. Just remember your pleasure is based on another person's pain - the person who's being cheated on by their partner.

It's a slippery slope so when the flirtation starts try running a mile away from that person who shouldn't be cheating.

Take care of your relationship, Pamx 

Calling all new parents - top tips for your sex and love life after baby arrives...

16/08/2013

Becoming new parents has been on everyone's minds this summer with William and Kate having baby Prince George. In my Sun newspaper online Sex and Love Academy column today I've tackled this and have offered lots of tips for new parents. Here's the link to my article on their new website.

TODAY’S TIP: The biggest tip is never forget you're still a couple even though your bundle of joy has arrived. You two as a couple need to nurture your relationship even in the smallest ways.

Have a lovely weekend, back here on Monday, Pamx 

Has his erectile dysfunction caused stress between you?

15/08/2013

It's back to National Agony Aunt Day - having missed last Thursday being up in Edinburgh - thanks so much for your e-mails! Today I've answered an e-mail from "Jane". When she and her husband were on holiday he couldn't get an erection - if this rings a bell with you then please check my advice on the home page at: 'dilemma I've answered this week'.

TODAY’S TIP: most partners want to 'run scared' when a man loses his erection - instead keep calm, be confident about sorting it out, and don't sweep it under the carpet.

Take care of each other, Pamx 

Was your holiday ruined by arguments? What your sun lounger position says...

14/08/2013

Towards the end of August my Agony Aunt bag gets full of questions from couples who have argued when they were on holiday - a time they were supposed to have the most fun and feel loving. Not so, and we're chatting about this on my Love Doc slot today at 8:20 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show.

Sticking with holiday scenarios the Sun newspaper has asked me to write a fun piece about the way you lie on your sun lounger and what it might say about your sex life. Here's the link with my comments on a variety of sun lounger positions.

TODAY’S TIP: Don't let the sun, sea, sand and sangria go to your head meaning you end up forgetting to have safer sex. Increasingly people are returning from holidays with STIs - that's one thing you don't want to bring back from your holiday!

Take care of yourself, Pamx 

Expert slot on Big Brothers Bit on the Side tonight! And do you only have sex when drunk?

12/08/2013

I'm heading out for my last Monday night expert slot out at the Big Brother Studios tonight as the series finishes next Monday... then it'll be the celebrity series. As the housemates are facing their last week their behaviour will be changing and I'll discuss that with the presenter AJ tonight.

Do you always have sex after drinking? Are you inhibited otherwise? In the Sun newspaper over the weekend I commented on what I see as a rather sad fact that 62% of people in the UK admit they never have sober sex. When you click on this link you'll need to sign up for their new, really quite fantastic package. And then you have access to all their articles and loads of apps, etc.

In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I've tackled this problem of drunken sex - please check out my advice here - hope it's helpful!

TODAY’S TIP: if you've come to rely on being drunk to let go why not agree with your partner that you'll have sober foreplay. You’ll get used to cuddling and kissing while you still have all your wits about you. This can give you the confidence to take it further the next time without drinking to excess.

Of course there's nothing wrong with a glass or two of wine before sliding between the sheets but the concern is those who have much more and are much more than tipsy.

Happy Monday, Pamx 

Confidence Tips! Off to Big Brother's Bit on the Side... And then I'm away until Monday.

05/08/2013

I'm off to the Edinburgh Festival the crack of dawn tomorrow morning back Sunday night. I'll be tweeting occasional reviews of what I see. In the meantime I just posted a new confident article on my homepage at "hot off the press" - hope you find the tips helpful.

Monday has shot around and it's back over to Big Brother headquarters tonight for the Monday night expert slot.

The dark side of human relationships have certainly been revealed over the last week in particular with Callum and Dexter at each other's throats. Sometimes it's hard to untangle how these things started. It seemed to start over the housemate Charlie - and both of them being interested in her (well in my view I don't think Dexter is genuinely interested in her - he likes her as a person not a girlfriend) - but I wonder if they would've had difficulties anyway.

Things spun out of control and they could barely stand the sight of each other. Now with Callum out  (I think it should've been Dexter) they can take a different look at their rivalry and who knows decent to each other outside of the house.

TODAY’S TIP: if you're in a situation, maybe it work, or a relationship just keeps getting more and more negative take a breather and stand back from it. Stop having the discussions you two may have been having if they're not getting you anywhere.

Then it's time for some soul-searching - looking honestly at the part you've played in things developing so badly. Maybe then you'll know how to move forward.

Take care of yourself, have agreat week, I'll be back with you August 12th, Pamx 

 

 

The great climax guide! Plus Big Brother expert slot tomorrow....

02/08/2013

If you're a Big Brother fan here's a heads up - I'm sitting in for an extra expert slot on Big Brother's Bit on the Psych tomorrow night as the lovely Dr Funke is away. Will be fun to do the weekend slot.

Now onto oh-oh-heaven...you're far from alone if [especially as a woman] you find it hard to reach climax. In honour of National Orgasm Day on Wednesday I've written my Sun newspaper online Sex and Love Academy all about climaxes being, well, an anti-climax.

Now with their exciting new website (that you need to pay £1 for all the perks) I hope you'll follow the link and join up. But if you've already paid their minimal subscription fee just search for my name and my latest column will always come up.

TODAY’S TIP: reaching climax begins with knowing "thyself"! You have to learn about your own body before you can share this with your partner. If you don't know what arouses you - the type of stroking and caressing, the pressure, the speed, etc. - it'll be very hard for them to guess, if almost impossible, to work out how to pleasure you.

So I'm ordering a little bit of self pleasure over the weekend - nothing to feel guilty about - enjoy learning.

I'll be back with you on Monday, have a wonderful weekend, Pamx 

Make today count...

01/08/2013

I'm now off for a day with my adopted grandmother in Tunbridge Wells so sadly no 'National Agony Aunt Day' today - a thank you from the heart for your e-mails.

Make today count whatever you do, best, Pamx

Do men now have a free pass to look at other women? And Internet bullying...

31/07/2013

In today's Sun newspaper I've commented on getting inside the minds of Internet trolls - those to spew vile abuse. Here's a link to an extensive article including my comments anad tips at the end of it.

Now there's been a piece of research by psychologists that suggests in evolutionary terms men are likely to look at other women ... I'm guessing a lot of men will take that as a green light to ogle attractive women much to the consternation of their partners.

In my experience women do just as much looking at other men - we can't help but notice attractive people whether we're a woman or a man. It's part of human nature to notice the people around us and our eyes are drawn to those who are blessed with what we find good looks.

Today on my Love Doc slot at 7:50 AM I'm discussing this with with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show. Hope you'll be able to listen - there are a fantastic actress show team.

TODAY’S TIP: we might have a natural inclination to check out others but thankfully we’re blessed with common sense [well most of us] and that means you show common sense and tact about  where you allow your eyes to wander when you're with your partner!

If you're with them put a natural eye-gaze stopper on and resist looking at those you find attractive.

Happy Wednesday, Pamx 

Single and happy or unhappy about it? When you put on a faade it can be damaging...

30/07/2013

Discussing singledom with Mike Parr on BBC radio Tees at 9:45 AM - in my work I hear from so many singles and many of them cover-up how deeply unhappy they are and how much they would like to meet someone special.

Of course there are very many happy singles out there but it's sad when a single feels they'll be judged as "sad" if they admit to wanting to settle down.

Enjoyed chatting about the Big Brother housemates’ behaviour last night on Bit on the Side but one thing that's come out of this series is how many of the HMs haven't been true to themselves.

It's one thing to put on a façade for certain events or in work situations but to consistently lack authenticity is damaging to your self-esteem. Because why else are you feeling you have to be fake? Deep down inside you must feel that's the only way you'll be lovable.

TODAY’S TIP: When people tell me in my role of life coach or agony aunt that they find it hard to drop their front I always say to start a practical level. For instance, the next time someone asks you your opinion on something then give your genuine opinion - don't say what you think they'll agree with!

The more you practise getting your opinions and your point of view the more you find that others to reject you out of hand.

Be yourself but be your best possible self is my motto.

Take care of yourself, Pamx 

Embarrassed yourself in the bedroom? And off to Big Brother spinoff show tonight...

29/07/2013

I'll be heading out to the Big Brother house this evening to do my Monday night slot with the lovely team out there including AJ and Rylan. You can hardly call this work when the team make it so much fun... if only all work could be like this?

 Haven't we all done something embarrassing in the bedroom? It's quite natural to feel we have to present our perfect self when we’re with a new partner and for some people they feel that pressure even with committed partners.

I've tackled this in my Love Doc page on the Miss Independent Woman website. I hope my advice helps you if you've been there and done that! 

TODAY’S TIP: the two best approaches when you've done something you consider embarrassing in the bedroom is to either move on quickly and ignore it or have a little laugh about it. So what if you've passed wind or some other thing you consider embarrassing?

Everyone does it at some point so take comfort in numbers. If your partner’s so judgmental about these things they need an attitude change.

Happy Monday, Pamx 

Red hot role-play! And also some well-being tips for new parents...

26/07/2013

Many couples are interested in role-play to put the sizzle back in their sex play and today I've commented in the Sun newspaper on some of the top role-plays people like to get up to. 

Check them out and maybe try one this weekend :-)

Also in the Sun newspaper on Thursday I wrote about some things new parents will discover about themselves. It's easy to fret about being good enough as a parent when actually you developing new skills all the time - do check these out and appreciate just what a great parent you are!

Also here's another article of mine on MSN UK that's all about well-being for new parents and tips on how to look after their relationship. Here's hoping you find some of the tips helpful!

Have a lovely weekend and I'll be back with you on Monday, Pamx 

He has a thing for larger ladies. Baby tips for parents even if you didn't have a royal baby!

25/07/2013

It's Thursday and National Agony Ault Day is back. Today I've answered Sally's question about her husband being attracted to larger women. Check it out on my homepage at "dilemma I've answered this week".

With the arrival of the royal baby everywhere is a link to one of my MSN UK parenting articles with lots of tips for parents with a new baby - I hope it's helpful! 

TODAY’S TIP: Going back to agony aunt day remember someone may fantasise about a particular type of person but love having sex with you. As with any fantasy you must be tactful with your partner and Sally's husband definitely should've been.

Take care of your relationship and yourself, Pamx 

Is planning your wedding causing more unhappiness than happiness?

24/07/2013

You can imagine in my work I hear from plenty of stressed out brides but also stressed out grooms in the run-up to their wedding. On my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:20 AM I'm discussing pre-wedding stresses with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show.

TODAY’S TIP: Keep focused on what your wedding day is about - celebrating your love! It's not about competing with your best friend's wedding, if not about getting into debt by spending far too much, and it's not about having everything your way... The person you're marrying should have a say!

Avoid these simple traps that so many fall into before their wedding day and you'll keep on track.

Happy planning, Pamx 

Stressful circumstances and the Big Brother spinoff show...

23/07/2013

One topic I discussed on the Big Brother spin off show last night was the housemates’ reactions to not getting into the ‘safe house’. If you don't watch the programme getting put in the safe house means you're immune from being voted out of the Big Brother house in any given week you're in the safe house. [They don't realise there's a twist this week and the safe house is actually not safe this week].

In stressful circumstances everybody will have their own little patterns of behaviour and that's what I was looking out for last night.

TODAY’S TIP: One way to overcome negative stress reactions - those reactions but don't help you face challenges - is to identify your pattern of behaviour when you're put in a stressful situation.

Because most of us don't realise that we tend to have a certain way of reacting to stress that can hold us back from solving the issue. Start recognising what you do when things aren't going your way and you might start identifying how you can cope better in those circumstances.

There's so much stress in our daily lives we all need to be aware of their patterns of behaviour.

Happy Tuesday, Pamx 

Big Brothers Bit on the Side tonight! And are you worried about loved-one's sexlife?

22/07/2013

There's so much to discuss on tonight’s Big Brother's spinoff show - it'll certainly be interesting how the housemates react when Sophie and Sam get to choose one housemate to join them in the "safe house".As we the viewers know it's not safe and they'll be up for eviction.

Look forward to working with AJ and Rylan again - as presenters they make it much more like "play" than work.

In my Miss Independent Woman 'Love Doc' column this week I've answered one woman's dilemma about her sister. In a nutshell her sister is "acting out" sexually. Sexual acting out takes many different forms and if you're worried about someone do check out her dilemma and my advice - here's the link.

TODAY’S TIP: It's always important to be supportive and NOT judgmental to a friend or family member who is acting out sexually. The more understanding you give, the more it helps their self-esteem - and as their self-esteem increases they're less likely to use sex in an inappropriate way.

Best of luck if you're dealing with this sensitive and difficult situation, Pamx

It's so hot so here are some fun summer sex-capades to try...

19/07/2013

Some people find their sexual desire increases with the heat but many find when the heat gets too much it becomes a big fat zero. So I've done my best in my Sun newspaper online Sex and Love Academy column today to provide you with some cooling tips that'll put you in the mood.

When it goes live I'll put a link here - I think the sale of on ice lollies will be booming! Not the Delia effect but the ‘Dr. Pam’ effect - ha!

TODAY’S TIP: get practical to get things to cooler in your bedroom to make sure you get enough sleep... because being fatigued won't help your sex drive.

Instead of a hot water bottle you might use in the summer take a freezer pad to bed and put your pillow in the freezer for a couple hours before you go to bed.

I also swear by those refreshing water sprays - across the face and body he gives you a sense of coolness.

Have a lovely weekend, I'm back here on Monday, Pamx

Do they always have an excuse for their behaviour?

18/07/2013

Don't you want to tear your hair out when someone always has an excuse for, e.g., being late, not ringing when they said they would, not doing what they were supposed to do, etc.? I once had someone in my life like this and it took one of those really big mega-talks to finally get them to see how always making excuses for not doing what they were supposed to wore down everyone's good will towards them.

TODAY’S TIP: Please check "hot off the press" for little article I wrote about this - a little food for thought.

And if you're about to make an excuse to someone for being late yet again or some other let down you're about to give them, think again, how can you change this second rate behaviour?

National Agony Aunt Day will resume next week as I'm still so busy catching up from being away, take care, Pamx

Does your partner embarrass you the way they dress?

17/07/2013

The sunshine and summer heat can bring out some of our worst clothing nightmares - the partner who wears next to nothing, lets it all hang out, or maybe insists on wearing sandals even though he has hobbit-style feet.

It always feels tricky to tackle these small but somewhat embarrassing things and today at 8:05 AM I'm discussing this with Angela and Spence on their Heart FM breakfast radio show.

TODAY’S TIP: Always take be a positive approach for instance you can buy them a surprise gift - like appropriate footwear in the hobbit-feet example I just mentioned. Bring them home a pair of trendy sport shoes or tell them you want to take them shopping for a gift.

Or try making whatever the issue is into a team effort - this can be done when you're going to something like an event where there's a dress code for summer party - you can optimistically chat about what outfits you two should wear.

Finally, think of your priorities before you open your mouth - maybe it's more important to take the attitude that there are other things you should be thinking about in your relationship instead of, e.g., an overly tight, skimpy dress or really bad footwear on a man.

Take care of your relationship, Pamx

So much fun on Big Brothers Bit on the Side last night...

16/07/2013

Lovely to have a good old chat with AJ about the housemates' behaviour and to see Rylan behind the scenes – bbbots is so much fun to be a guest on. We mainly discussed Dexter, Callum and Charlie and their so called love triangle but also Gina and Hazel and their similarities.

A few people tweeted me asking why we didn't tackle Daley's abhorrent behaviour towards Hazel that caused him to be evicted from the house. That's because we had always wanted to discuss the topics we did discuss and my lighthearted slot is not an appropriate place to discuss such serious topics. There are also obvious legal reasons why we couldn't discuss it in the immediate aftermath and in the way such a serious topic should be.

 

TODAY’S TIP: Moving on to relationships generally if you are in an abusive relationship - whether verbal and/or physical - you must get help immediately. The Refuge Domestic Violence helpline is 0808-2000-247.

Please don't suffer in silence!

Lots of love, Pamx

How are you? I'm back, and looking forward to going on Big Brothers It on the Side tonight

15/07/2013

I hope the last few weeks have been everything you wanted! It's lovely being back but I had quite an adventure with lots of family exploring the temples and tombs of Cambodia [including the temple made famous by Tomb Raider] and seeing the sights of Bangkok and Koh Samui.

In Cambodia I was awestruck by the enormity and yet the beautiful detail of the many temples we saw. In Thailand I love the gilded temples, the palm fringed beaches and the tough but relaxing Thai massages.

Tonight I'm back on the Big Brother Bit on the Side expert slot and look forward to chatting about what those naughty housemates have been up to. It's lovely being the guest of AJ and Rylan - both are such upbeat, sparkling and fun presenters.

TODAY’S TIP: Sometimes we look at other people and admire them for particular traits - like AJ and Rylan being positive people - excited about what's going on and interested in what you have to say. It can be helpful if you're trying to change your attitude to life to look at others who are positive and think how you could adopt a bit more of their attitude.

One technique to try is to turn your favourite person into your very own personal mascot and imagine how they'd cope with the little hurdles of life we face each day - and then try coping that way yourself.

Happy Monday and happy to be back with you, Pamx

What position did you sleep in last night? And off to the airport...

28/06/2013

I'm just getting ready to head to the airport but wanted to flag up if you have today's Sun newspaper and you're interested in body language and behaviour then check page 34 - I've written about sleep positions and what they might reveal about you and your relationship.

OBVIOUSLY there are always exceptions and people's positions vary as well as sometimes physical needs mean they have to sleep in a position that doesn't look very connected to their partner.

But this is a lighthearted guide to the "body language" of sleep - I hope you enjoy it.

See you on the 15th July, take care, keep happy, keep hopeful! Pamxx

The damage that gossip can do! And I'm away until Monday, July 15th

27/06/2013

I'm away tomorrow on a trip to Cambodia and Thailand and back on Monday, July 15. Hope you have a great couple weeks! And if you're a Big Brother fan believe me I'll be keeping up with the house action and ready to start my Monday night slot again on Bit on the Side on July 15.

In my weekly Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page I've tackled one woman's dilemma about getting a "reputation" generally in her hometown. If this applies to you please check it out.

It's National Agony Aunt Day today - every Thursday I answer one dilemma and I want to thank you for all your e-mails. Wish I could answer all of them but I work full time and run my own site so unfortunately I can't.

Today I've selected one that continues this theme of gossip - it's from "Jackie" who is worried that gossip about her will affect her new relationship.

To be realistic there's gossip that's lighthearted - and that you'd actually say to someone's face [so it's not thing to give, spiteful and damaging] and then there is gossip that can be damaging and you wouldn't say to someone's face.

That's the sort of gossip that people need to be mindful of and think about how you'd feel if someone was saying about you... so maybe you shouldn't say it about someone else.

TODAY’S TIP: Always feel confident about saying to a gossip that you really don't want to hear whatever story they're trying to tell you. If you know it's something that would upset the person it's about, and you feel uncomfortable discussing it, you must say so.

The best way to stop nasty gossip is to stop being part of it.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Do you have an annoying colleague? How do you handle it?

26/06/2013

 

Haven't we all experienced that person in the office who grates on our nerves? I can't imagine there is any office setting that doesn't have stresses and strains between coworkers because one or both annoy each other.

On my Love Doc slot today at 8:05 AM I'm discussing annoying colleagues with Angela and Spence on their Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show. Do listen in if you're going through this.

I'm also off to film a pilot for a potential programme for Channel 4 with my lovely friend and colleague Jo Hemmings - it's exciting that the same time many, many more pilots that made than programmes get commissioned.

TODAY’S TIP: Back to colleagues - my top tip is to ask yourself this question: is what annoys you about them something you should ignore? Something you should tackle? Or something your line manager should tackle?

Let that be the starting point for action you take. Let's face it in some cases someone annoys us but in reality whatever it is we need to ignore it - and it's not something we can expect this to change. In other cases we have every right to expect their behaviour to change. The crucial starting this is recognising the difference between these situations.

Good luck with it, Pamx

From the sad to the lighter side of life...

25/06/2013

The world awaits news of Nelson Mandela as his family gathers around him. I can't help but thinking if only more of those on the international stage had his compassion, fairness, dignity and grace that our world would be a better and safer place. Such great men and women are rare and millions around the world wish him peace in his remaining time.

But the world is full of many things from the serious to the lighthearted and moving on to last night I had such a lovely time with the Big Brother Bit on the Side team all dedicated to making a fun programme. There were so many questions get through and I wanted to make it more clear about Dexter and how he seems to want everyone to like him, seems to have the "diseased please", and I think that's one of the reasons why people don't trust them as he behaves how he thinks he should around each of the individual housemates.

TODAY’S TIP: one thing we can take from this is to be yourself, be your best possible self, but never expect to be all things to all people.

Enjoy the sunshine here in the UK, warmest wishes, Pamx

Therell be lots to talk about on Big Brother's Bit on the Side tonight!

24/06/2013

If you watch Big Brother I'm sure you'll agree there is an extraordinary mix of characters in the house this year. Even the "model" types like Gina, Sallie and Hazel are all very different.

So I'm looking forward to getting into Big Brother’s Bit on the Side to chat about what's going on. My slot is around 11:15 PM tonight - can't wait to see the new presenting team AJ and Rylan again.

I wasn't surprised that Sallie was evicted Friday night as she'd made herself so very unpopular - rightly so viewers don't like any type of aggressive behaviour - including the verbal threats she kept making the Michael and Dexter to make your life a misery if she stayed in.

The sad thing is she'd shown such a fun slide and also warm and vulnerable sides. Over the weekend she'd calmed down after her disastrous attempts to scupper Michael's interview Friday night with Emma Willis.

TODAY’S TIP: we can all be quick-tempered but it's crucial to stop for just a moment, and hold back, before you let rip with something so cruel that the other person never forgets it.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Is your lack of body confidence affecting your sex life? And an oral sex question answered...

21/06/2013

Discussing the Jeremy Forrest child abduction case at 9:15 AM on BBC West Midlands radio - I'm appalled a teacher groomed and abducted a child in this manner and also appalled that other teachers were aware of his despicable and illegal behavior.

Over to the topic of body confidence - a lack of body confidence causes so much private misery - I've been involved in body image research in the past and I know how it can affect a woman's day-to-day life. And now it's affecting more and more men.

In my Sun newspaper online Sex and Love Academy column today I've tackled getting body confident to improve your sex life - I hope these tips help!

And...In my Miss Independent Woman online magazine Love Doc page today I've answered one woman's dilemma about oral sex - sounds like she's one lucky woman - check out my advice to her. 

TODAY’S TIP: The first thing you need to do to improve body confidence is start focusing from this minute on you as an entire person rather than physical attributes.

You have the power to put your focus on the whole of you rather than fretting about lumps and bumps that you may not be happy with.

Have a lovely weekend and I'm back here on Monday, Pamx

Get confident! Is he faking it? And worried your partner doesn't climax every time?

20/06/2013

Don't we all struggle with confidence at times? Sometimes it takes one big knock to drag our confidence down and for others it only takes a small knock to make them feel insecure about going out into the world. In today's Express newspaper I've written some tips - many apply to the workplace - I hope you find them helpful.

There's an old myth that only women fake orgasms that men do to and I've commented in an article about this in today's Daily Mail newspaper. It's an interesting article with a couple men discussing their experience and I've commented on different aspects of faking it. No one should fake, it can become a habit, and you end up in a cycle of unsatisfying sex. There are only rare exceptions to this rule.

It's arrived, it's Thursday and it's National Agony Aunt Day. Today I've answered a question from "Robert". He's worried his girlfriend doesn't climax every time they have sex. You can see my answer on my homepage at "dilemma I've answered this week".

TODAY’S TIP: never forget that sex isn't a simple goal of reaching climax. The foreplay journey along the way is every bit as important!

Take the stressed out and enjoy being in the moment when you're together rather than thinking ahead to whether or not they will climax.

Take care of yourselves, Pamx

Have you been hit by a crisis and wonder how to cope?

19/06/2013

In my roles of agony aunt and life coach you can imagine how often I hear someone is facing a crisis. I thought I'd post an article I've written on coping in a crisis. If you or a loved one need some advice please check my homepage at "hot off the press". It was written about facing profound illness but many of the tips apply to practically any type of crisis.

On another note I was sad to miss my weekly Love Doc slot with the lovely Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show but my schedule didn't allow it today. Back next week with those two!

TODAY’S TIP: When you're smack in the eye of the storm of crisis you feel you can't see a way out. There will be, one step at a time.

I hope my tips are helpful, take care, Pamx

Discussing impulsivity on Big Brother last night...

18/06/2013

It was so much fun meeting Rylan and AJ last night out at Big Brother - although I have met AJ in the last series we were both guests.

If you watch Big Brother you’ll know it was an exciting programme with housemate Michael having full responsibility for the nominations this week - of course the other housemates don't realise the public have been guiding Michael on what to do.

Although inside the house it's an extreme version of real-life we can take some lessons from how the housemates cope with stress especially a sense of rejection when you're nominated. So much depends on how impulsive you are and how you react to stress - whether you make it obvious to everyone exactly how you feel or if you're less impulsive you can keep things closer to your chest. Sometimes it's a good thing not to show your entire hand.

TODAY’S TIP: Recognising how impulsive you can be is part of self-knowledge. People who talk about "flying off the handle" are usually highly impulsive. One excellent tip is the classic tip of stopping yourself before you say anything, give yourself a few minutes to calm down and think about the repercussions of what you do say.

Practise makes perfect and this can help with impulse control.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Off to Big Brothers Bit on the Side tonight...

17/06/2013

A fantastic start to the new Big Brother series with a real mix of characters - I'm so looking forward to meeting Rylan and AJ tonight on BBBOTS as there's so much to talk about.

Obviously at this point it top secret what we’re talking about so hope you'll be able to watch after 11 PM tonight

TODAY’S TIP: my biggest tip to anyone being thrown in with a group of new people is to keep your mind open. When under stress and feeling nervous people adopt all sorts of ‘fronts’ or put up barriers. Give people a chance to settle in before deciding whether they're going to be a friend, an acquaintance, or someone you steer clear of! Just as Sallie said about Jemima on last night's Big Brother show - how she'd got her wrong at first.

Happy Monday, Pamx

When people say nasty things in anger. Plus Big Brother rolls into town...

15/06/2013

 

Fantastic start to Big Brother - what a magnificent collection of personalities - I so look forward to discussing them on Monday night’s Big Brothers Bit on the Side.

Now, if In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I've tackled one woman's dilemma where her boyfriend told her she was useless in bed - an incredibly hurtful thing to say! Undoubtedly he has anger issues and I've given her some advice along those lines. Here's the link and if this dilemma is something you're facing I hope my tips help.

TODAY’S TIP: no one has the right take out their anger issues on you - hold this firmly in mind and you'll be able to set your boundaries if someone tries this.

Yes of course we're all human and take sometimes our little stresses and strains on our nearest and dearest but that shouldn't include nastiness and saying deeply hurtful things.

Have a lovely weekend, back here on Monday, Pamx

Has a physical attributes put you off someone?

13/06/2013

Please don't tell me it's Thursday again - National Agony Aunt Day has arrived already! Thanks as always for your e-mails and today I've answered one from "Chloe". Chloe has a new boyfriend and when she finally went to bed with him recently she was put off by scarring on his body. Do check my straight talking answer on my homepage at "my answer to this week's dilemma".

TODAY’S TIP: Too many people make snap judgments about someone's desirability based on a physical attribute. We should all check ourselves if we're being shallow about someone - shallowness is not a desirable trait!

Happy Thursday, Pamx

Divorced? Have you had a divorce party?

12/06/2013

So you've got divorced and life is changing - and has been for a while obviously as divorces don't happen overnight! Do you want to flag up a new phase of life? I'm chatting divorce parties at 8:05 AM on my Love Doc slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show.

TODAY’S TIP: Divorce parties can signal that you're moving on and are ready to start your new life. But divorce party should come with a word of warning - if you have children they certainly shouldn't get wind of the fact you're celebrating with friends. Sadly there are some parents so tactless that they don't think how a divorce party could break their child's heart.

So keep it subtle and say you're going out for a quiet dinner - and then you can let your hair down with your friends.

There are some who will say this is distasteful and downgrades marriage - they don't have to have one if their marriage ends - I for one don't agree tempting for many it signals a new lease of life - and I'm a strong believer in marriage!

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Online dating can be fantastic with a little caution...

11/06/2013

New research shows that many couples who met online have very successful relationships and I contributed to an article in the Telegraph newspaper about this. I was asked for any particular issues that should be flagged up. And there are a couple crucial ones - do check out the article here.

TODAY’S TIP: it's crucial that you don't adopt the ‘grass is always greener mentality’ when you're searching profiles for potential partners. It's easy to come across some great profiles and then think... hang on a minute, there might be someone even more perfect!

Time limit your search to avoid this issue.

Wishing you so much good luck searching for love, Pamx

Is your partner complaining of boredom in the bedroom?

10/06/2013

I don't think any long-term couple are being honest if they say they never feel a bit bored in the bedroom. This is a quite natural state of being in all aspects of our life - including sex. Of course if boredom is left unchecked the relationship rot can set in and worst case scenario a bored partner has an affair. I'm not excusing affairs I'm just stating a fact.

In my Miss Independent Woman website 'Love Doc' page this week I've tackled one woman's problem - her board partner has suggested a threesome. Check my advice here.

TODAY’S TIP: every partner should aim to sort out bedroom boredom but should never feel pressured to do something they feel is extreme. You'd be foolish to ignore boredom that goes on and on. But please find ways to spice things up that both of you are happy with.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Do you or your partner want to go a bit kinky in the bedroom?

07/06/2013

In my work I constantly hear from people who either want to try something a bit kinky her with their partner or whose partner has asked them and they are a little bit unsure of it.

Being asked to try something new and different - that pushes the boundaries a bit on your bedroom behaviour - can make a partner feel anxious. Due to all these requests for tips and suggestions I've tackled this in my Sun newspaper online Sex and Love Academy column. If this is on your mind or on your partner's do take a look at my tips.

TODAY’S TIP: We're already under enormous pressure to ‘perform’ in the bedroom because we think everyone else is having a grand old time. It seems the rare couple that doesn't worry about this. The most important tip is to think about your secret desire and how you could put it across to your partner without them feeling they don't satisfy you in bed.

Doing it in a loving, caring and flirty/sexy way and you'll probably be successful...here's to a bit of kinky love for you this weekend!

I'm back Monday and will tweet a few tips over the weekend, take care, Pamx

Could my weight be putting him off?

06/06/2013

It's crazy but it's Thursday again already so it's National Agony Aunt Day - lots of different dilemmas this week but I'm answering Sarah’s as I think it might resonate with an awful lot of women... Weight issues and sex.

Thanks for your questions and I wish I could answer them all! Please check out my advice to Sarah on my homepage at "dilemma I've answered this week".

TODAY’S TIP: Whenever you're worried about your weight you have to ask yourself this question - is your worry a realistic worry? Or are you getting caught up in the pressure to be extra slim.

You are what counts, you shouldn't be comparing your weight, we should all aim to be a weight that's healthy and where we can be active.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Is your partner messy or did your partners messy, sloppy ways break you up?

05/06/2013

There are thousands of reasons why people breakup and one of them is not being able to tolerate a messy, sloppy, even slobby partner. On my Love Doc slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show we're chatting about people who can't tolerate the mess anymore. I hope you listen in if you're going through this.

TODAY’S TIP: Sometimes you need try to fix this situation by beating them at their own game. When it comes to messiness this means leaving every bit of washing up, rubbish, worn clothes, etc., piled everywhere in their way... they may just start to see your point of view. Sometimes it takes extreme measures to get someone to tidy up a bit and it's worth trying.

Take care of each other, Pamx

Talking about sex. And oh brother... the Big Brother rollercoaster ride is heading our way...

04/06/2013

Was lovely to talk to Mark Forrester last night on the BBC national radio station - we were talking about sex... and whether we talk about it too much.

As long as it's not in an inappropriate context like with work colleagues you don't know I think it's (on the whole) good news people share their stories. But you need to be aware that there can be a lot of exaggeration when people talk about their sex lives.

On to Big Brother...if you're a Big Brother fan I'm sure you're looking forward to next Thursday when some of the new housemates enter the house. I've been contributing as an expert to Big Brother since summer 2005 and I'm so excited to be asked back for this series.

I've been booked for my first two slots and then I'm away on a 2 1/2 week trip to Thailand and Cambodia and hope to be back on the series after that. Believe me I'll be checking out all the updates when I'm abroad... visiting exotic temples and lazing on the beach by day and watching the BB housemates’ antics by night.

TODAY’S TIP: If I could offer advice to the new housemates it'd be to enjoy the experience and grab it with both hands - and also to expect you'll hit it off with some and it just won't work with others. And when it doesn't work with others don't let them treat you badly.

Stand up for yourself as last year's winner Luke Anderson and his friend and runner-up Adam Kelly did.

Don't be frightened to put boundaries on other housemate’s bad behaviour – and it's the same outside of the house all of us to set boundaries on others' behaviour to rest.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Do you want to relight your fire as a couple?

03/06/2013

I don't know what it is but I've had a lot of people get in touch recently about getting back together with an ex. Maybe with the sunshine and summer here they want to share some fun with their ex and feel hopeful it can work out a second time around.

I've just posted a new article on my homepage at "hot off the press" about how to make it a success when you go back for seconds.

For lots of tips take a look - and good luck trying again - if it's worth saving I hope you save it!

Happy Monday, Pamx

Does your partner or new boyfriend or girlfriend flirt in front of you?

31/05/2013

I'm constantly hearing from people [both men and women] about their partner to is fine in every way except for flirting with other people in front of them. That's a heck of a hurtful thing to do!

So on my ‘love doc’ page on Miss Independent Woman website I've tackled this dilemma today - if you're going through this please check my advice - I hope it's helpful!

TODAY’S TIP: If this has happened to you please set your boundaries early and tell your partner you simply will not tolerate flirtatious behaviour in front of you.

Usually asserting yourself like this works well unless it's something deeper inside your partner and then you may need to consider relationship counselling or where this relationship is going.

Please don't put up with second rate behaviour!

Have an amazing weekend, I'll be tweeting a few tips over the weekend that see you back here on Monday, Pamx

What to do when you have troubling feelings towards someone?

30/05/2013

I feel this every week - that Thursday whips around so quickly and now it's National Agony Aunt Day again. Thank you so much for getting in touch and I wish I could answer everyone's questions. Today I'm answering Janine's dilemma about difficult feelings for her foster brother.

Do check my homepage at "dilemma I've answered this week" if you're going through troubling feelings - there may be a few helpful thoughts in my answer to Janine.

TODAY’S TIP: Sometimes it takes gut instinct to decide what to do about troubling feelings - there are some that can be ignored, knowing they’ll pass, and there are others where you need to confront them and the person they involve and get them out in the light of day.

That kind of honesty can be enough to take the pressure off you and help you sort through them. Though for Janine's dilemma I haven't suggested such honesty.

Best of luck as always, Pamx

How do you let someone know you're attracted to them without scaring them off?

29/05/2013

One dilemma 99% of singles face is when they meet someone they like but aren't sure how to go about signalling their attraction. It's the age-old question - do you let them make the first move? Do you make the first move and risk rejection?

On my Love Doc slot today at 8:05 AM I'm discussing this with with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show

TODAY’S TIP: I always say "go for it" - nothing ventured, nothing gained - and that's true and romance or any other aspect of life. If they like you that's fantastic - if they're not interested you can move on and not waste time pining after them

I hope you go for it today if you have your eye on someone, very best of luck, Pamx

Are you overthinking things?

28/05/2013

Hope you had a lovely long weekend! Things have been crazy but fun with me having houseguests visiting from the States.

When I recently tweeted about overthinking I had a lot of responses so here goes with a new article - at "hot off the press" on my homepage about overanalysing things. I hope you find it helpful - and it gives you something to think about ... not too much thinking, mind you!

TODAY’S TIP: If you always overthink things keep a diary for 24 hours and honestly record each time you think about the issue.

Also make a note of how that thinking made you feel - probably even more worried.

You may be surprised how much you overthink issue and that the overthinking doesn't get you any further.

Calm those thoughts, good luck, Pamx

Is porn a problem or pleasure in your life?

24/05/2013

When I did the live Web chat for the Sun newspaper on Tuesday we were overwhelmed with questions about porn. So I thought it was a good idea to tackle it in my Sun newspaper online column - my Sex and Love Academy. I hope you find some of the thoughts and suggestions helpful!

TODAY’S TIP: The rule is always: if something makes you feel uncomfortable then it's not right for you. If you and your partner disagree over using porn then you need to come to some sort of agreement or compromise.

It's never an impossible hurdle that is unless someone has a porn addiction and that can wreak havoc in a relationship. Otherwise these things can be worked out.

Wishing you the best of luck!

It's a long weekend here in the UK - I'll be back here Tuesday and probably tweet a couple tips over the weekend, have a good one, Pamx

Are you surprised by a sexual obsession you've developed?

23/05/2013

Thursday has come around at the speed of light and that means it's National Agony Aunt Day. Thanks as always for all your questions and today I've answered Jenny's dilemma. She went on a hen night and discovered an unexpected desire. Check out my answer to her on my homepage.

TODAY’S TIP: When it comes to love and sex I'm hardly ever surprised - especially when people discover new things about themselves. Don't freak out if suddenly you find something turns you on that you never considered before.

Different things can ignite unexpected desire in us. So that I'm not misunderstood [so easily done] I'm obviously talking about little sexual obsessions of the LEGAL type. If you found you've developed an interest in something illegal go seek psychological help IMMEDIATELY!!

Take care of yourself, Pamx

 

Have you got a celebrity crush? Has it gone too far? And out of control phone usage

22/05/2013

It was fantastic during the Sun newspaper webchat yesterday and here's a link to the video showing the wide range of dilemmas people put to me. If you are one of them thank you so much and I'm sorry there was no way we could get to everyone's questions.

Celebrity crushes: nowadays where access to celebrity news and gossip is everywhere many people are getting celebrity crushes that morphe into escapism. A little crush is fine and fun [Brad Pitt and George Clooney are mine] but when it overtakes your common sense, relationships and life, it's no joke.

I'm tackling this today in my weekly Love Doc slot at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show.

Also in today's Sun newspaper I've commented on a survey about how many people would rather give up sex than their mobile phone - here's the link - it makes 'eye-opening' reading. 

TODAY’S TIP: Back to handling a celebrity crush that spun out of control - here are a few tips to consider: *it depends on your personality but going cold turkey works for some - cold turkey meaning you do not visit any celebrity websites or read any celebrity magazines, etc. And for others it works better to gradually reduce time on celebrity websites works for others.

*Do a reality check and keep a diary of every time you check celebrity websites, etc., You might be shocked.

*Also share your worries because the more you keep it secret the bigger the problem it becomes. So it shouldn't be a secret crush you should tell people it's getting out of hand.

Good luck, Pamx

Do you have a relationship or sex question for me today? Join me for a live web chat...

21/05/2013

I'm so looking forward to the live Web chat out at the Sun newspaper today at 1 PM - I'll be answering a variety of questions and I hope to have a few handy tips to share with you.

Do get in touch - here's the link to post your question on The Sun site - I look forward to answering them at 1 PM.

Warm wishes, Pamx

Worried your partner might cheat? Join me for a live web chat tomorrow...

20/05/2013

Don't forget I'll be answering your sex and relationship questions live at 1:30 PM tomorrow at the Sun newspaper. I look forward to hearing from you!

A recent survey [of over 2000 people] looked at how many people were cheating and also how many people were experimenting in the bedroom. Some interesting statistics were thrown up and I commented in the Sun newspaper about it.

No one should feel pressured to experiment particularly with the kinkier stuff but at the same time you can't completely reject your partner's advances. If you're in a full relationship then sex is pretty much expected to be part of it.

TODAY’S TIP: If their technique isn't rocking your world then it's up to you to guide them into something more satisfying.

That can seem daunting but he'd be far more daunting if your relationship broke up or they cheated because they felt so frustrated. There is NEVER any excuse for cheating but let's face it in the real world it often happens in response to rejection in the bedroom.

These are delicate matters and there is no quick fix but both partners need to commit to making the best of things.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Web chat announcement for Tuesday 130 PM UK time...

17/05/2013

I'm so excited to be invited by the Sun newspaper to do a web chat this coming Tuesday, May 21st at 1 PM UK time. You can submit your questions on any relationship or sex dilemma. You can ask your question here on the Sun website. Do get in touch for the live web chat!

Some people believe you should sort your own problems out - which ultimately we all must do - however getting some answers and advice along the way is a wise choice and I hope to hear from you.

TODAY’S TIP: Never be shy or embarrassed to ask for help with a dilemma - it's a sign of strength not weakness.

Have a lovely weekend, I'll tweak a few tips over the weekend and I'm back here Monday, Pamx

Thinking about sleeping apart or already in separate bedrooms?

16/05/2013

I might've already mentioned earlier in the week about a survey showing how many couples are sleeping apart.

Now, in some cases there are very good reasons for this like shift work or medical issues where a person needs undisturbed sleep. But that's in the minority of cases and couples need to be aware that separate bedrooms can lead to separate lives. In today's Express newspaper I've commented on this and given some tips - hope you find the tips practical and helpful.

TODAY’S TIP: Except for the exceptions I'd always recommend a couple looks closely at working together to stay in the same bedroom. Please check my advice in the link.

Unfortunately due to work pressures and needing to take a little time off to celebrate two friends’ birthdays, etc. National Agony Aunt Day is postponed until next Thursday - thank you for your e-mails!

Late afternoon I'm seeing the Ice Age exhibition at the British Museum...cool!

And sweet dreams with your partner later tonight, Pamx

What methods do you use to get what you want from your partner?

15/05/2013

On a scale from completely direct to completely manipulative most of us fall somewhere on the middle - and hopefully nearer to "direct" - when it comes to the methods we used to get what we want from our partner.

On my Love Doc slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show we're chatting about these methods. I'm sure you might recognise yourself in a few of them.

A classic method - especially with a new partner - is to "flirt for favours"... I'm sure you can guess but I mean! Ultimately in a long-term relationship direct communication is better than manipulative communication.

TODAY’S TIP: Why not start being a bit more direct but obviously in a non-demanding way. Tell them you'd like help with whatever it is and you'd like to help them with something in return.

Practise makes perfect so think through what you want to ask for and how you can best ask for it.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Is your child's exam stress stressing you out?

14/05/2013

We’re smack in the middle of exam season and it can be fraught for the entire family. So today I've posted an article with lots of tips for parents.

TODAY’S TIP: Check out my article for the best tips on my homepage at "hot off the press”.

You can get through it without feeling like your family life is falling apart.

Good luck, I've been there, Pamx

 

Breaking up is even harder to do nowadays. Also vibrant bridal dresses...

13/05/2013

Breaking up is painful no matter how you look at it and unfortunately it's been made more complicated nowadays with so much of our relationships online. Not only do you have to disentangle your life from your ex partner but you have to disentangle your lives on social networking sites. Please find a link to my Sun newspaper article with a few tips on how to do this so that you move on as smoothly as possible from your breakup. Good luck!

Do you need some top tips to boost your body image?

Hope you had a lovely weekend! On Saturday I had some comments and tips about body language in the Sun newspaper. Here's the link - I hope you find it helpful if you're struggling with these issues.

TODAY’S TIP: As I've said countless times there is an epidemic of body image issues - people have bought into the idea that you can have the perfect body and if you don't well you just not good enough. Nothing could be further from the truth and I hope you'll focus today on you as a whole person and not you as a "body".

I also commented in today's Daily Express newspaper on the new trend in brides wearing vibrant colours - Here are my thoughts included in this article.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Are you buying into common sex myths like everyone else has more sex than you?

10/05/2013

 

We're insecure enough in our sex lives already without worrying about the various myths that you should "do" sex this way or that.

So in my Sun newspaper online Sex and Love Academy today I'm busting some of these damaging sex myths.

Plus here is the link to the dating tips in my Sun newspaper article from the other day that I never posted - hope they're helpful if you're single and out there in the dating jungle!

TODAY’S TIP: one of the biggest sex myths that eats away at many couples enjoyment is that "she must climax during penetrative sex!" I have news for you, so many women just can't manage this because of simple anatomy and the way their body and his body is constructed - they just can't get the right clitoral stimulation from his pubic bone. Remembers she needs to be able to gently rub against that to get enough stimulation to reach climax.

Do check my tips in today's article.

Have a lovely weekend, I'll be back on Monday and will tweak a few tips over the weekend, Pamx

Worried their ex is better looking than you?

09/05/2013

Thursday has swept around like a whirlwind and that means it's National Agony Aunt Day - thank you so much for your e-mails. This week I've chosen Linda's worry about her boyfriend's ex partner. Evidently she has a fabulous figure - if this is a dilemma you're worried about then check my advice stir on my homepage at "dilemma I've answered this week”.

TODAY’S TIP: It's easy to start worrying about something your partner's ex-partner had - whether it was looks, great figure, success or something else. That's incredibly destructive when you should focus on the here and now and the fact you two are together.

Happy Thursday, Pamx

What made you suspicious your partner was cheating?

08/05/2013

Each week on my Love Doc slot with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show we choose a relationship topic that's been in the press or one that many people go through - today at 8:05 AM we're discussing spotting the signs of a love cheat.

The devastation when you discover your partner's been unfaithful is hard to imagine unless it's happened to you. One of the facts of cheating is that when a love-cheat is being unfaithful - and are caught up in their excitement - they don't think about the repercussions. They don't think they're going to get caught so they don't imagine the destruction and wreckage when their partner finds out.

TODAY’S TIP: So today my best possible tip in the 'cheating arena' is that if you're tempted, close your eyes for a moment, clear your mind, imagine your partner discovering your infidelity, and just let every detail of their pain and heartbreak wash over you.

I hope this makes you think twice!

Please do check out the Powerful Loving area on my homepage as there are a couple articles about affairs and how to cope afterwards.

Look after each other and your love, Pamx

The new rules of dating...

07/05/2013

Over the weekend in the Sun newspaper I wrote a piece with my top 10 dating tips taking account of online dating and flirting.

Things have really changed in the last decade - and my piece was based on author Helen Fielding's comments about the new Bridget Jones generation having it even harder than when she originally wrote her book.

She's right and below I've pasted the unedited version of my 10 tips that appeared in the newspaper - I'll post a link once it goes up on their website... happy dating, Pamx

10 New Dating Dos and Don'ts for the Modern Bridget Jones

Relationship expert Dr. Pam Spurr

1/ Do prepare for some disappointment with online dating - research shows compared to women men lie every bit as much, and probably more, in their online profiles. ‘Date-downsize’ everything he says by at least 10% - he'll be 10% shorter, have 10% less hair and be 10% less funny.

2/ Do feel free to message him for a casual, not-really-a-first-date, meet-up. It's a fantastic way to signal you're attracted without feeling like you're chasing him.

3/ Don't message him publicly, like on twitter, for a date unless you have rock-solid confidence and can laugh off the stream of tweets you'll get. Because once he replies publicly some of his followers are bound to tweet you jokey things - a speedy reminder of how many jokers there are online and you're the joke!

4/ Do go by the ‘rule of three’ before publicly flirting with him unless of course you met by flirting on, e.g., twitter. You've had three good meet-ups and it's obvious you're attracted to each other. Otherwise he assumes he has you around his little finger plus if it doesn't work out other men might’ve seen you flirting and think you're taken.

5/ Do put your best foot forward on your dating profile without lying! Make it stand out by thinking how your best friend would describe you - in a positive light, mentioning your unique personality traits.

6/ Do be choosy with your ‘likes’ on his Facebook wall as too many makes it look like you're desperate. Treat your ‘likes’ as if you’re making a ‘move’ - you wouldn't be the one constantly making the moves on him, would you?

7/ Do boost your body-confidence before online dating. I hear from many women demoralised from trawling dating sites thinking every other woman looks more attractive in her profile. Focus now on your three best qualities that have nothing to do with your looks.

8/ Do have a life online outside of your search for Mr. Potential - post the interesting, fun things you do, get involved in online discussions, etc. When he comes across you he'll see how much you've got going on.

9/ Do clean up your, e.g., Tumblr pictures. It's easy to forget that photo of you snogging the best man when you were a bridesmaid at your best friend’s wedding. Our memory has a ‘denial button’ for such things once they're posted.

10/ Don't rush to change your, e.g., Facebook status without discussing it with him. I hear of toe-curling stories of disappointment - she thought they were in a relationship, changed her FB status only to have him freak out.

Keep safe when you meet with someone you've met online - your best friend/mum should know where you're going and who you're meeting.

Girl-crushes versus style-crushes! From sulking to the silent treatment and worse...

03/05/2013

If you're a woman and your honest you'd probably admit to a girl crush on another woman - but now your girl-crush may compete with your style-crush. Style-crushes are where you're enthrall to another woman because of her incredible fashion sense and you admire the way they take fashion and make it their own. I have an awful lot of style-crushes as one thing I like is style - you've never seen such a crazy assortment of styles as in my wardrobe!

 

In today's Sun newspaper I've commented on the difference between girl-crushes and style-crushes - a bit of fun.

I couldn't believe the response on Woman's hour yesterday to the topic of sulking when Jenni Murray interviewed me.

Responses ranged from people thinking the sulking was only for children [and mostly they are right] to people who confessed to being serial sulkers controlling those around them.

I find these conversations helpful because when you start identifying with someone else's story and think, "hang on a minute, I do that", then that may be the kick up the backside you need to start to change.

TODAY’S TIP: Never let fear hold you back - and in this case, hold you back from starting to change. If you've been relating as a "sulker" it may daunting to think it's time you changed and actually discuss what's troubling you... instead of sulking on it.

I love the quote 'there's nothing to fear but fear itself' - hang onto that thought when you're feeling that way.

Enjoy the three day weekend here in the UK! I'll be back here on Tuesday, Pamx

Talking about sulking on Woman's hour. Plus saggy breast worries...

02/05/2013

After 10 AM today I'm discussing the whole issue of sulking on BBC Radio 4 Woman's hour. Soaking is usually a passive aggressive behaviour can also be down to "modeling" where a parent has modeled this behavior to a child - in other words this is the only way they know how to relate when they have difficult feelings or an issue.

But there are many aspects of sulking I'll be discussing this morning.

It's National Agony Aunt Day - as if every Thursday and today I've answered Mimi’s dilemma about her saggy breasts. Check it out on my homepage at dilemma of the week. And thanks as always for your e-mails!

TODAY’S TIP: Back to sulking - whether you're dealing with a child or an adult it's crucial to give them a bit of space until they're made passes and you help them learn to discuss difficult feelings.

With practise they can find that it's better to discuss these things rather than sulk on them.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Wish you hadn't put something about your relationship or partner online?

01/05/2013

Hasn't every single one of us has to is online for twitter, Facebook, our own websites, etc., posted something we wish we hadn't down the line? Usually about our relationship?

On my weekly Love Doc slot at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show we discussing cases of regret... I've seen plenty of them online!

Yes of course you can delete things but, e.g., your followers on twitter will already have seen the details of your row with your partner or your cutting remark about them or maybe even too much information about your sex life!

TODAY’S TIP: A couple surefire tips to make sure you don't post something regrettable - never go online and post something when you've been drinking and you're angry. And if you haven't been drinking - and you're angry - walk away from your technology and don't say anything online until you calm down!

It might seem like you want to say something personal at the moment - and it seems like the right or good thing to do - but give yourself 10 minutes before you do - you might change your mind.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Ever feel it's impossible to get your side across with your partner?

30/04/2013

Some relationships appear to be incredibly one-sided and this can happen in many different ways. I've just posted a new article at "hot off the press" on my homepage outlining one couples’ situation.

If you're feeling you aren't listened to then do please take a look on my homepage.

Have a wonderful Tuesday, Pamx

Comments on second marriages. And finally here are those fantasy dos and don'ts...

29/04/2013

I didn't have time to get my Sex and Love Academy up on Friday so here it is in the Sun newspaper online today. I hope you find the tips helpful to starting some fantasy-chat between you!

If you're getting married for the second time - or already in your second marriage - you'll know that you're probably juggling minor [and maybe bigger] issues. One or both of you may have children from your first marriages, finances may be tight, and other potential issues may need to be taken into consideration.

I gave comments to the Daily Mail about this and I've been misquoted on second marriages in today's paper. The Mail has me saying "all the statistics show second marriages fare far less well" - this is patently wrong as I'm in a very happy second marriage! My quotes were extremely abbreviated and my comment about how subsets of statistics may well flag up different levels of happiness between first and second marriages were not included. Their website now reflects a very abbreviated version of my actual comments.

Be aware that a second marriage can be wonderful, too, specially when you've learned from the mistakes of the first - good luck if you're heading into a second marriage!

TODAY’S TIP: But back to fantasies and your sex life...when it comes to anything to do with the bedroom it starts with you - even if you think your partner lacks technique and they don't satisfy you - it starts with you letting them know what could be done better.

Today – Monday - is the perfect day to start getting your confidence up to do so in a relaxed way this coming weekend.

Happy Monday to you all, Pamx

 

Put the fabulous in your fantasy-chat!

26/04/2013

I'm forever hearing about people who worry that they can't share their will fantasies for fear of upsetting their partner, or they wonder if their fantasies on "normal", or they're a bit surprised by their partners fantasies and many other scenarios.

Of course these worries are natural in some cases as our fantasies tend to stay private until we have someone to share them with and then we wonder how that person will respond. In my Sun newspaper online column Sex Academy I've provided lots of tips for sharing your fantasies in ways that went upset your partner.

I'll put a link here when it goes live on their site. I hope you find the tips helpful!

TODAY’S TIP: The biggest tip is to always consider your partner's feelings and to make sure you don't bang on about how you'd love to take your favourite Hollywood star to bed...er, no! You've got your partner right in the centre of your fantasy - and down the line you can sound them out about sex life and chat about other fantasy scenarios.

Hope you have fun this weekend, I'm back on Monday, will tweet a few tips over the weekend.

Take care, Pamx

Is a leering boss getting you down at work?

25/04/2013

The week’s spun by and it's back to Thursday and National Agony Aunt Day - thank you for your awesome e-mails and as always I wish I could answer every single one!

I haven't tackled this for ages so I answered "Becky's" question about her leering boss. Do check it out on my homepage - at dilemma I've answered this week - if you're having difficulties with a colleague or boss and their inappropriate behaviour

TODAY’S TIP: if you have the confidence the crucial tip is to set your boundaries very early on inappropriate behaviour.

Sometimes this is a tall order for someone who worries about their standing at work if a more senior colleague is behaving inappropriately.

Also keep a diary from today detailing everything that goes on. You don't have to tolerate harassment at work!

Best warm wishes, Pamx

Worry you'll come across as a dating desperado?

23/04/2013

Haven't we all been there in one relationship or another? Inside we want more and we fear we care more for the person we're seeing... I've tackled this today my weekly Love Clinic on iVillage UK as it's an important and common problem. 

TODAY’S TIP: Of course in the first few weeks you don't want to tell someone you have a massive crush - even if you do - because that might seem a bit desperate but after a few months you should be able to start talking about your feelings. It's your relationship to after all and you can't give them all the power!

My best tip in these situations is use your intuition about whether you feel the time is right to sound out where this ‘relationship’ is going - full on dating and relationship or do they just want something casual.

Happy loving, Pamx

Body image issues? Boost your Body confidence!

22/04/2013

Body confidence... I'd be rich for every time someone told me they fret over their body image and confidence. It's like we have an epidemic of women and now increasingly men worried about lumps and bumps, size and shape, etc.

So in today's Express newspaper I've written a guide to enhancing your body confidence as well as a quiz to check how serious your feelings about this may be. I hope the tips and quiz or helpful!

TODAY’S TIP: Start focusing today on you as a whole person - hone down your focus to your top two personal traits that make you a special person.

Focus on these every single day when you start feeling negatively about yourself.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Two new articles for new parents or parents to be!

19/04/2013

It's daunting when you first become a parent - I know just how so as I was at a very young first-time mother. With the Royal baby due in a couple months MSN UK are providing lots of parenting advice and I've written two articles for them.

This first one has tips for more for the parents themselves - your well-being and your relationship.  Click right here for the link!

This second one is more about giving you food for thought to get your baby into routine, stop feeling so anxious, and important topics like that. Here's the link for this one!

There are dozens of tips in these two articles and I hope you'll find them helpful - I've also provided some useful websites and helpline numbers.

Happy parenting!

I'm back here on Monday, have a fantastic weekend and I'll tweet a few tips over the weekend, Pamx

Young, adventurous and thinking of getting involved with a married man?

18/04/2013

The weeks are whizzing past so fast on the way to summer - it's Thursday again so if National Agony Aunt Day - thank you from the heart for all your e-mails. This week I've answered Joanna's question about getting involved with a married man... I think you know what I might say to that premise!

TODAY’S TIP: Temptation can creep up before our brains get in gear - if you're feeling tempted and you know it's a bad thing then let your awareness guide your behaviour. Steer clear of that married or otherwise taken person.

Flirting is so often a slippery slope to a fling back in 99% of cases is regretted.

Good luck with making the right decisions, Pamx

Is someone showing interest in your partner?

17/04/2013

If this hasn't happened to you, you might be surprised to know how frequently a third-party flirts with someone's partner right in front of them. I'm discussing the on my Love Doc slot with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show at 8:20 AM.

I found in my work how such inappropriate behaviour usually reflects insecurities within the third party who is flirting. And when they have a partner too [and this happens!] it can be about trying to undermine their partner by their interested in someone else's partner.

 TODAY’S TIP: It's crucial to set your boundaries early on the third party who's tried to interfere in your relationship. Keep it short simple and firm, and tell them their flirtatious behaviour is out of order.

If it’s an acquaintance or friend behaving like this I think you know what I would say... with friends like these, etc.

Happy Wednesday, Pamx

Keep your loved ones close. And is he having trouble with his erection?

16/04/2013

Such terrible darkness in the hearts of the callous evil brutes who struck at the heart of Boston yesterday. With five family members in the Boston area I was so thankful they were all safe - four of them had been watching the marathon earlier. All thoughts are with the people of Boston and those who lost loved ones or  are injured.

COMPETITION - Before I get into the topic of erectile difficulties let me flag up to you edit you follow me on twitter I'm doing a fun competition with @SwanVibes over the next couple days. The prize is a gorgeous Kissing Swan vibrator worth @ £100 - watch for my tweets from today at the chance to win it!

I hear from countless men and their partners about erectile difficulties [ED]. Unless you have the confidence of steel this is difficult for most couples and today in my Love Clinic on iVillage UK I've tackled one woman's dilemma. What makes a particular difficult for her is the fact it's a new relationship and he's not talking about it. Do check my advice - I hope it's helpful.

TODAY’S TIP: First and foremost these conversation should never be rushed. They should be done with confidence that the ED can be sorted out. Blurt out the wrong thing when he's lost his erection and in a few seconds untold damage can be caused to his self-esteem.

But raising it in a caring, loving way emphasizing the good you share sets the tone for a helpful conversation. And he must remember that his partner may be feeling insecure - partners can think they simply aren't attractive enough and that's why he's losing his erection or can't get it in the first place.

Be good yourselves, Pamx

 

Sometimes friends morph into each other...

15/04/2013

If you've ever had a good friend, maybe even part of a group, you may all have morphed into each other - same styles, same hair style, makeup, etc. It's kind of like being in a "tribe" but it can be a "tribe of two" when two very close friends grow more alike.

In today's Sun newspaper I've commented on Tana Ramsay [wife of Gordon] increasingly looking like Victoria Beckham's sister.

TODAY’S TIP: There's nothing wrong with sharing an identity on the outside through your choice of styles, etc., but remember to keep your inside unique - never become a ‘yes’ type person always agreeing with your friend/friends.

Happy Monday to all, Pamx

Has your sexual desire been crushed?

12/04/2013

With relationship research showing around 40% at any given time find their sexual desire is less than they' like it to be this is something many, many people contact me about.

If they're in a relationship is particularly problematic because their partner may feel resentful if their sex drive and desire is still riding pretty high. Or things get complicated when the person with the higher desire thinks he must be unattractive simply can't attract their partner into the bedroom.

In my fortnightly Sun newspaper column online Sex Academy I've tackled this nearly epidemic problem.  I hope my advice is helpful.

TODAY’S TIP: You have to approach diminished desire like a desire-Detective... take the time through your life in a rational order - what's causing you stress? What's causing arguments? Are you on any medication that may affect your desire? Are you working too long hours? Are you drinking too much? The list goes on the putting it in black-and-white - by thinking-ink - on paper can inspire you to start doing something about areas in your life that may be scuppering your desire.

I'm back here Monday, have a lovely weekend, I'll tweet a few tips over the weekend, take care, Pamx

Internet dating - pros and cons. And when your mother scares off a boyfriend...

11/04/2013

In today's Mail newspaper I've commented on the highlights and dark side of Internet dating. I won't bother posting a link as my quotes were changed//edited down and I was referred to as an agony aunt and counsellor. In my copy to them I said agony aunt and relationship expert - so please no more inquiries about counselling as I worked as a life coach! When I either write or give comment for such features I choose whether relationship expert or life coach applies better.

I wasn't happy when my term sexually transmitted infections was edited as sexually transmitted diseases - that is the old term. That part of the article was abbreviated and wasn't as I intended it to sound. I referred to the fact that some women [and some men] who have repeated flings sometimes get careless about using condoms and put themselves at risk of STIs. But of course someone can put themselves at risk of STIs in one fling where they aren't careful.

Now on to other things - I know as a mother myself how protective I am of my children and I'm never surprised when I get questions about a parent getting involved in a relationship. Or questions from parents themselves when they're worried about whom their son or daughter is seeing.

As it's Thursday it means it's National Agony Aunt Day and I've answered a question from ‘Rita’ about her mother and her boyfriend.

TODAY’S TIP: Parents need to tread carefully when we're talking ‘grown-up’ children - even if they can see their grown-up child is with a loser. There is a lot of sense in letting your children make their own mistakes and learn from them - but obviously if you know there is actual abuse going on you must step in.

Take a look on my homepage under dilemma I've answered to see my advice to Rita if this may apply to your life.

Look after yourself, Pamx

Would you consider going to your exs wedding?

10/04/2013

I'm often contacted about ex-dilemmas - including going to your ex’s wedding. I'm discussing this on my weekly Love Doc with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show at 820AM.

Most people would fling their hands up in horror at the thought. A very few go because they've established a real friendship with their ex particularly if they have children together and if they've managed to maintain good relationships.

But many go with a rather negative agenda - to show off to their ex, to cause stress at the wedding, etc.

TODAY’S TIP: If you've been invited to an ex’s wedding [and it's not because you two have a firm friendship and shared children and have encouraged positive relations with your new partners] think twice about what your motivation is for going. And what is their motivation for asking you? Could it be they want to show off their new life to you?

I've heard it all and believe me some people use weddings to get back at their ex.

Good luck with your decision, Pamx

Could it be that you're being controlled by a new partner?

09/04/2013

Controlling men and women come in a variety of guises. Sometimes they're the obvious controller telling you they don't want you to go out without them, e.g., seeing your own friends. But their behaviour can be far more subtle - I've tackled this dilemma in my weekly Love Clinic on iVillage UK. If you're going through this I hope my advice is helpful.

TODAY’S TIP: The crucial tip is if you feel uncomfortable by something a new or even establish partner is asking you to do in terms of how you spend your time, etc., then it's probably your intuition telling you they're trying to control you in a dysfunctional way.

Listen to your heart in these circumstances and then set your boundaries.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Has spring time made you reassess your love life? And teen social networking...

08/04/2013

Discussing teenagers and social networking on BBC radio Tees at 905 AM after recent stories of teenagers tweeting and face-booking things they come to regret. It's all down to the impulsive teenage brain and I look forward to chatting to the wonderful Mike Parr.

Now I hope you had an amazing weekend and it wasn't all work - and you had some play and pleasure!

In the last week I've heard from so many people breaking up - you'd think with the sunshine finally arriving they'd feel a little sunshine in their love-life but instead the opposite seems to have happened.

TODAY’S TIP: It's incredible how something like the change of seasons gets us thinking about changing our life and unfortunately in this case it means wanting to move on.

Don't throw things over or too hastily - plan a calm moment, maybe next weekend, to focus on the good things you’ve shared and what could be improved based on these. What do you two do right - that can help you do better in the things you do ‘wrong’?

Sometimes the grass is actually greener - but often people wish they hadn't thrown over relationship too quickly.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Do you have a Plan B when it comes to relationships?

05/04/2013

I thought I'd post an article today on "hot off the press" on my homepage about those who have a Plan B up their sleeve when they're looking for love. Do take a look if you're tempted to get into a relationship with someone who's been a long-standing friend [and probably a flirtatious friend!].

TODAY’S TIP: This one is a big one - the most important tip about a Plan B relationship is that they know what's going on - you should never start living with someone or marry them when your own mind is a Plan B. That's simply not playing fair with their feelings!

I'm back here on Monday, have a lovely weekend and as always I will post a few advice-tweets over the weekend

Enjoy, Pamx

How do you tell a friend about their hygiene problem?

04/04/2013

As always I'm astounded how quickly Thursday comes around and that means it's National Agony Aunt Day. Thank you so much for your dilemmas - I wish I could answer them all but it's not possible with my working schedule.

Today on answering one from a woman who is calling herself Annie. Her dilemma is her best friend's bad breath. I decided to answer her question if I get asked over and over again how to deal with a friend, family member or colleague who has some sort of hygiene issue.

TODAY’S TIP: We get so squeamish about pointing some in the right direction - often this is more about our own fears of how we'll handle telling them. Because I think if most people were honest they would want to be told if they had such an issue... and that means the person you're fretting about telling probably would like to know!

Check my advice on my homepage under 'dilemma I've answered this week' if you're going through this and need a few tips.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Have a first date coming up?

03/04/2013

I'm chatting first dates again this morning on my Love Doc slot with the fab duo - Angela and Spence - on the Heart FM Northwest and Wales breakfast show at 8:05 AM. We put so much effort into first dates and sometimes I'd like to tell people just relax and enjoy and you'll have a much better time PLUS you'll ‘up’ your chances for a second date.

But try getting that message out? People approach first dates as if they're approaching a marriage interview and that's just wrong. Statistics show you're likely to have four times as many first, second or third dates as you'll ever to have actual relationships...so expect to have many and don't expect to get het-up before them!

TODAY’S TIP: Always approach a first date with this attitude: that it's about having fun, it's about maybe finding a friend and perhaps about finding more. If you go with a confident, lower key attitude [but wearing something you feel confident in] you're far more likely to enjoy yourself. And that means they enjoy themself!

Take care and plan to keep it low-key, Pamx

Have you lost that sizzle between the sheets?

02/04/2013

Would be lovely if you always felt desire for your long-term partner? If you could hang onto just a bit of that honeymoon feeling? But it's just not possible for most couples and today in my Love Clinic on iVillage UK I tackle this dilemma - do check out my advice if you're going through this.

TODAY’S TIP: the very first thing to do is try and create a little bit of couple-time for you both. If you sit down together and think about your schedules - really look at it in black-and-white and "think in ink" you can usually find a little extra time just to indulge each other.

Begin with affection, move on foreplay and hopefully you'll start having a little more sex.

Look after your relationship, Pamx

For the man on the smaller side....he can do big things in the bedroom!

29/03/2013

I hear from many men who fear they're too small when it comes to their manhood. I've written an article for my Sex and Love Academy column for the Sun newspaper online - there are lots of tips in there to check out if this worries you - or you’re the partner of a man who is worried about his size.

I'm back Tuesday after the bank holiday - I'll be tweeting a few tips over the long weekend but have a lovely Easter break.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Do you want more than the sexual fling you're having?

28/03/2013

Thanks as always for your e-mails for Agony Aunt Day - I appreciate all them and wish I had more time so I could answer more. This week I've chosen one from ‘Teresa’ who is falling for the man she's been enjoying a sexual fling with.

Ah, those pesky emotions... you think you can enjoy exciting sex with someone and then you find you have real feelings for them beyond the bedroom. Do check out my homepage at dilemma of the week for my answer to Teresa.

TODAY’S TIP: Honesty must enter the equation - you have to be honest with yourself first and foremost. Don't sweep developing feelings of love under the carpet as you'll only end up hurting more if down the line you find they don't want the same thing.

And honesty with them - you may be sharing a sexual fling that you've given them their body and now you have every right to discuss what's going on in your heart. It doesn't mean they have to enter into a full relationship with you and at least you put out there and you can make your decision.

Take care of your heart the way you would your body, Pamx

Have you or someone you know been asked to sign a prenup?

27/03/2013

Looking forward to chatting about child behaviour problems on BBC Newcastle radio on the drive timeshare with Anne and Jon at 415. I was a fairly strict parent myself but I do know there isn't one-size-fits-all parenting and discipline. It should be a lively chat!

Over to prenups...I have very strong views about prenups - quite simply if you want one signed why bother getting married? Why not just date or live together? The whole point of entering into marriage is the hope and trust that it is for good.

Of course all marriages don't last [my first one didn't] but to crush that special sense that this is going to be the relationship that you try hardest at, by turning it into a pragmatic, material-wealth driven affair just goes against the grain.

Perhaps there are exceptions - like two people who meet and you both have quite separate businesses and they don't want a mixing of these businesses. Or perhaps the couple have only known each other briefly and she accidentally falls pregnant as one or both strongly believe in marriage if there are children involved. In this whirlwind type of relationship there may be cause for a prenup as you haven't built up trust between you.

Certainly a fair few lawyers out there would always recommend them but I come from a different perspective.

TODAY’S TIP: if you're with someone who asks you to sign a prenup you need to think very carefully why they're doing so. And if you have any worries about their motivations take legal advice... sadly if it comes to that maybe you need to date them longer before deciding whether or not you want to marry them.

In days gone by marriage was often about pragmatic issues like bringing wealth, skills, power, etc., together. But this is the here and now and it seems if you're all about pragmatism then why not be pragmatic and live apart, keep your money separate, and just enjoy weekends together.

All best to you, Pamx

Fallen for someone who may be forbidden?

26/03/2013

I'm forever hearing about people with crushes on those who maybe they shouldn't have crushes on. There are many different permutations of love dynamics where it might be seen as wrong by others who have close contact with the two people who may be headed down a ‘risky’ romantic path.

I've tackled this in my weekly Love Clinic on iVillage UK - do check it out fear you're falling for the wrong person. In this case it's a woman who has fallen for her best friend's divorced father. Not such a bad thing you might think however there is a nearly 30 year age gap and her best friend of 10 years hasn't a clue.

TODAY’S TIP: As long as it's nothing illegal or immoral, so much of love that seems to start out on a risky or somewhat ‘forbidden’ path somehow manages to find its way.

Speaking to various people for research for my self-help books over the years I've found many relationships - that go on to be deeply loving and successful - haven't had a great start.

So my tip is to be hopeful but also be honest with those around you who may have some vested interest in what's going on. Ultimately it's your decision but it's never good thing to trample on the feelings of people you supposedly care about.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Put a spring in your step and spring clean your mind...

25/03/2013

Research shows that as spring arrives - and everyone feels a bit more optimistic - that it's the perfect time to start changing the things in your life that you want to. It may be freezing out but technically spring has arrived and in today's Daily Express newspaper I've written a feature about spring cleaning your life - do check it for tips for your different life areas.

TODAY’S TIP: Don't forget that when your brain is fully charged life seems so much better, you can manage your work load and think clearly about personal problems.

One small tip to freshen up your brain power is to stop being lazy with people's phone numbers. Once upon a time we’d memorize our friends and families phone numbers - but as mobile numbers got longer we stopped doing this.

Make a point to memorize them before you put them into your phone and also get rid of the calculator for small calculations.

Happy Monday, Pamx

The C word is so important... compromise...

22/03/2013

It's a fact of love that what attracts you to someone at first sometimes ends up being a problem. I've just posted a new article on "Hot off the press" all about how passion can overwhelm a relationship - if not early on then later on.

Do check it out if you're becoming weary of that partner who was so exciting to be with the first but now is quite frankly exhausting.

TODAY’S TIP: compromise is crucial to any long-term relationship. I find where people struggle with it is often on the things like in my article that aren't that straightforward.

It's a lot easier to compromise on, e.g., how you spend any extra cash you two have - split down the middle, save half of it spends half of it, take turns deciding how it's spent, etc.

Not so easy to find compromise on someone's zest for life - or even for sex. I hope you find the article helpful - or at least thought-provoking - if you're in this situation.

Have a lovely weekend, I'm back here Monday but tweeting a few tips over the weekend, Pamx

Is a grudge getting you down in the office?

21/03/2013

It so easily happens - a colleague does something that annoys another colleague, nothing gets said, feelings have been hurt, anger aroused... and you end up with a grudge on your hands. Just recently I've had a spate of e-mails from people saying they've got problems with the colleague. And it reminds me of how the Dancing on Ice judges Jason Gardiner and Karen Barber had one not rumbled on for two years.

TODAY’S TIP: If you're in the grip of a grudge my first tip is always be the one to make the first move...this may ‘hurt’ but it's a positive being seen to be the one making the first move to solve your grudge. Even if inside you can barely stand the sight of them keep squarely in mind how you’ll look by taking action - you'll come out on top!

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Will drunk sex win their heart?

20/03/2013

Many people think that a drunken fling will actually get than the person they like. They use alcohol to do things they think might capture the person's heart. But that's a myth that drunken sex will bring you closer and you'll find out how they really feel about you.

I tackle this dilemma in my Love Clinic on iVillage UK - do check my advice if you're considering using this ploy to find out if someone is attracted to you.

TODAY’S TIP: Please remember you have more to offer someone new then simply sex. Sex can be fantastic but if you want more than that your personality and let it shine through.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Date-onomics - the economics of dating...

19/03/2013

I'm psyched to be doing a day of radio for MSN UK's new ‘Date-onomics’ research out today. I'll be chatting to radio presenters all over the country about the research findings including the fact that men spend more on getting ready for a first date than women.

That sounds surprising but increasingly I hear from men who feel the pressure as a single in competition with so many other men.

Here's a link to the MSN site - there's a competition to get involved in too over next couple days.

TODAY’S TIP: if you're going out on a date focus on the qualities you know you have stated the ones you feel you lack - a positive mental attitude gives you confidence and confidence is attractive

Enjoy getting out there looking for that special person, Pamx

I've put my Dream Doctor hat on today...

18/03/2013

Sleep research is moving along quickly and so too is dream research - most people find their own dreams fascinating... even if others don't.

While I've been away the last nine days in last Thursday's Mirror newspaper I've written about some of the most common dreams and nightmares - and what they symbolise and potential tips you might try if you have one of these. I hope some of the dream and nightmare themes I've written about resonate with your dream life.

TODAY’S TIP: Believe me if you don't think you dream, you do, you'd end up with emotional issues if you didn't as it's crucial part of the sleep stages.

If you don't remember them it's probably because you're a sound sleeper during the critical stage of dreaming.

One thing you can do is lie there quietly when you first wake up, free your mind of any first morning thoughts about work or jobs to do, etc., and see if some of your recent dream images come back to you. Sometimes simply relaxing your mind before jumping up and starting your day means that images have time to slip back into your consciousness.

Take care, Pamx

What's your celebrity mother profile? Some celeb fun....

08/03/2013

If you enjoy a bit of celebrity news or speculation then you'll enjoy my mothering Sunday article about celebrity-mother profiles... I've taken some top celebrities and read a lot of their interviews and have put together a profile of their style of mothering.

You can check who your mother's most like or check for yourself in my MSN UK article if you’re a mother - or for your own mother - which celebrity style are you/she most like? And you can check the top advice for yours.

Have fun checking it out... I know which celebrity mother on most like!

I'm off on holiday first thing tomorrow morning and back here Monday, March 18. Look after yourself over the next nine days.

I've set up a few tip-tweets times To go out onto tweet deck over the week.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Meaningful but inexpensive/cost-free Mother's day gifts. Plus pain during sex.

07/03/2013

It's Thursday again and it's National Agony Aunt Day - thank you for all your questions I wish I could answer them all!

Today there's a to the point answer for Remy who asked me about her partner's pain during sex. Do check it out on my homepage if this applies to you or your partner. You can find it at "dilemma I've answered this week".

Now, I hope you're not leaving it to Sunday morning to quickly by your mother some chocolates or flowers! A mother has a sixth sense for hastily bought gifts.

In my MSN UK article about making Mother's Day meaningful there are lots of gift ideas that you can give to or create for her - please check this link for some tips.

TODAY’S TIP: Especially when so many people are struggling financially in this everlasting recession doing something like putting a lovely message in a card saying you're going to do something for her will be appreciated. For instance, why not say you'll come over and spend half a day clearing out the cupboard you know she can barely open.

As long as you put a loving message in your card too this is really the perfect gift - the sort of gift I love when my children give it to me!

Happy Thursday, Pamx

Does your mum interfere too much? But treasure her!

06/03/2013

Mothering Sunday [in the UK] is this Sunday and here are just a few reasons why you should treasure her in my MSN UK article. Sometimes we need reminding why our mothers are so brilliant.

But sometimes we have problems with our mums and one issue I hear about is "my mum tells me what time I should go to bed...and I'm 27!" Or she tells me she "doesn't like my boyfriend and I'm 35!"

it's hard for mothers to let go their 'role' - to be the advisor and supporter - but at some point they need to. I'm discussing this on my weekly ‘Love Doc’ slot at 8:10 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart FM radio Northwest and Wales breakfast show...here it is: Heart interview.

TODAY’S TIP: It's up to you as their grown-up child to start setting boundaries. One of my top tips is simply change the topic the minute they start telling you what to do. For instance your mother starts to say how she thinks you don't get enough sleep - immediately start talking about the project you have coming up at work.

This simple distraction technique can work wonders. If she's a "persistent-offender" though you'll need to sit her down and emphasise the good points in your relationship before letting her know she needs to resist taking on her old mothering role with you.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

OCD and new mothers. Do you feel pressure to pigeonhole your sexuality?

05/03/2013

With research out showing how many new mothers struggle with OCD I was delighted to discuss this important issue with Nikki Bedi on the Vanessa Feltz BBC London radio show. if you're in a mother who's struggling with worries over your baby and it's spinning into OCD please discuss it with your health visitor and your GP - there is help available.

When people think about sexuality they usually think about straight, gay, lesbian and bisexual people - often forgetting asexuals and transgendered people. The point is people assume you're one thing or another and I'm all for people who identify strongly as straight, gay, bisexual or asexual but there are plenty of people who see their sexuality as fluid - they've fallen love with a person rather than worrying about the gender.

I've tackled one woman's dilemma today in my weekly Love Clinic on iVillage UK - she's feeling very stressed about having her first ever same-sex relationship. I hope my advice is helpful if you check it out here.

In today's Sun newspaper I've given my view on a woman's dating advice that is far too calculating and manipulative. It's in the paper on page 35 if you're flicking through.

TODAY’S TIP: but back to your sexuality - it's your business and whether you feel strongly identified to being gay or straight or anything else is up to you. And if you feel your sexuality isn't set in stone and you don't want to identify yourself as bisexual that is up to you.

Hold this firmly in mind and believe in yourself - what's important is that if you're looking for a relationship you find the one that works for you. My final thought though is if you're frightened to identify yourself as gay or lesbian then please do get some support from many organisations who help people accept their sexuality and 'come out' when they're ready.

Be good to yourself, Pamx

Prepare now for Mothering Sunday...

04/03/2013

Mother's Day (UK) is only a week away so make sure you start planning a surprise for her now. Especially if you're on a budget the more time you have to plan the easier it is to dream up things that are free or won't break the bank.

I have some articles coming out on MSN UK Her Channel over the week and I'll post links here when they're published - there are lots of tips in them.

TODAY’S TIP: Whether you see your mother a lot or a little there is always room for more attention for her. Make a pledge to pop in and see her, or make that extra call to her, each week!

It's so easy to take our mothers forgranted when they give us so much and no matter how old you are they will worry about you all of your life.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Get the glamour of Hollywood in your sex life...

01/03/2013

Oscar’s fever hit earlier in the week and it got me thinking about how much people love the glamour of the red carpet. So in my Sun newspaper online column today I've written some tips to help you add a sparkle to your sex and love life.

Of course it's wrong to believe Hollywood stars have stellar sex and love lives that match their red carpet glamour. We only need to look at Hollywood divorce rates to know that can't be true.

But still, it's fun to think we can bag a bit of their glitter and gloss for our own lives.

TODAY’S TIP: I'm hoping most of you realise this... but for those of you who have neglected things relationship survey after survey find that partners go off each other because the care and attention you paid to personal things like hygiene, when you were first dating, often get neglected the longer the relationship goes on.

So if you're feeling in the mood for more than a couple make sure your breath is fresh, you've slipped into something and you're not to put them off with the garlic scents of the soup you had at lunchtime at work.

Have a lovely weekend, as always I'll be back on Monday but will tweet a few tips over the weekend.

Happy loving, Pamx

Are you a virgin and worried about still being one?

28/02/2013

I've said it before and I'll say it again there is no sell by date on virginity and yet it still caught some in my Agony Aunt in-box on a regular basis. I'm not surprised on the one hand that people who are virgins in their 20s and 30s [and very occasionally I hear from people in their 40s] fret about it because there is so much sex around – in advertising, in magazines, in films, on television, all over the place including plenty of sex guides like the ones I write.

So if you're not getting part of this "action" you can start feeling like there's something wrong with you.

Today's National Agony Aunt Day - thank you for all your e-mails - I answered one from Julie about being a virgin at 27. Take a look on my homepage under the dilemma I've answered this week.

TODAY’S TIP: the most important thing if you would like to have a full relationship is that you take your time and find the right person. Never feel you have to throw away your virginity on any old person just so you can say you've had sex.

Value yourself and look for someone who values you to make sure your first time is a special one.

Take care of yourselves, Pamx

What annoys you most about your partner?

27/02/2013

Even the most loved-up couples get annoyed with each other. You can't always find the other easy. You can't see everything they do as wonderful... there are going to be niggles and irritations.

I'm discussing this on my ‘Love Doc’ slot with the gorgeous duo Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show just after 8 AM this morning.

I find some of ‘Her’ most common moans include - he embarrasses me by telling bad jokes or using bad manners...

 

he doesn't do enough around the house...

 

and the classic - he has too much Xbox play and not enough foreplay!

 

And on ‘His’ part, men's most common moans include - she tells her friends too much of our personal stuff...

 

 and she always criticises herself [like her weight and the way she looks]...

 

and she also criticises me!

 

TODAY’S TIP: There are a few key points each partner should consider before complaining –

1/ is it really that bad? Do their good points make up for this annoying thing?

2/ be honest - are you using this complaint as a ‘power-play’ because you're annoyed about a bigger issue?

3/ and if you’re going to bring it up then always start with a positive - something that's good between you or that your partner does while.  Beginning on a pleasant note like saying, e.g., isn't it amazing the way we always make decisions about the children together - I wish we could apply that to our issues over the household chores!

That puts them in the mood to help you sort this issue.

Good luck with it, Pamx

The noise nightmare... when neighbours have sex like porn stars

26/02/2013

There was a news report a few months ago that a couple received an order not to have such loud sex as it was disturbing their neighbours. At the time I read it I had to check it wasn't April Fools' Day but no it wasn't.

I've had noisy neighbours but not when it came to them having sex like porn stars - it was more about their super loud music very late at night.

Today in my Love Clinic on iVillage UK I've tackled one woman's dilemma about her flatmate and her flatmates boyfriend who shout the house down when they have sex... no joke! Do take a look at my advice if you're going through this.

TODAY’S TIP: They're certain problems where you might feel embarrassed but you know the person you're going to tell will definitely be embarrassed. This can apply when they don't realise they're making so much noise you can hear every move that's being made.

You can start by hinting about paper thin walls and you hope that you aren't making too much noise - like having your music on too loud - that bothers them. Hopefully this'll get them thinking about the noise they're making.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

One of the simplest ways to enjoy a little bit of happiness....

25/02/2013

There are many small roads to happiness - my top ones are getting too old friends, spending time with my family and enjoying my cats playing - all simple pleasures that they give you a sense of well-being.

Another easy route to happiness is seeing live comedy - and I was up in Manchester over the weekend for some work but Saturday night out to see the phenomenal Milton Jones - a unique comedian. Do catch him while he's on tour around the UK - a fantastic night out. And well supported by rising star Chris Martin... not to be confused with the Coldplay Chris!

A brief Oscar's note - Daniel Day Lewis is an awesome actor but I hoped Huge Jackman would win for Les Miserables - such a beautiful emotionally wrenching film. Or Bradley Cooper for Silver Lining Playbooks - an extraordinary performance of mental health issues. There was enormous competition this year with some of my favourite films including Les Miserables, Argo, Life of Pi, Silver Lining and Lincoln doing well

TODAY’S TIP: Back to finding your funny bone...you might think a little comedy wouldn't lift your mood but two pieces of research I've read in recent months [out of many] confirm what I've always known - that laughter over a period of 15 minutes is enough to get your endorphins churning – they’re those feel-good brain chemicals.

Another piece of research found that when you're in company you're likely to laugh even more - so even if you go to a comedy club or venue on your own you end up laughing more as it's contagious from those around you.

I'm "prescribing" anyone who needs a lift 30 minutes of comedy per night on TV - try it there for a week and see if it works. Drop me an e-mail and report back!

Happy Monday, Pamx

Full, frank honesty is the best solution for sex and love problems....

22/02/2013

There are an endless list of intimate worries people have and last night on the Davenport After Dark show on Dublin newstalk radio we covered everything from worries over vaginal odour, to being a virgin in your 20s, to wanting to experiment roleplay and anal sex, and many other topics.

All those a represent such a diverse selection of our bedroom worries the one thing at the core of them is honesty - facing a problem honestly, talking about it honestly, having the courage to know that being open about these issues will actually make your relationship and sex life so much better.

TODAY’S TIP: But how to be gets honesty one were feeling anxious about such deeply personal issues? A couple of quick tips - always think about how you would feel if your partner was telling you they're worry. I'm sure you'd think you'd have a great deal of empathy and would be happy to help them sort it out.

Let that be your starting point for them thinking how you would describe your worry to your partner - how could you phrase it so it feels the least threatening and what would give you both the most confidence to move forward with it?

Take it from there!

Have a wonderful weekend, I'm off to sunny, probably snowy Manchester and back here on Monday. I'll tweak a couple tips over the weekend.

Take care, Pamx

Talking your sex lives tonight. Crossing paths with an ex...

21/02/2013

I'm delighted to join Davenport after Dark at 11 PM tonight on Dublin Newstalk radio to answer any sex and love questions. I can't do his show very often but it's nice to occasionally stand in. You can tweet a question from 10:30 PM to @dafterdark

It's fully frank and honest sex-chat so be warned!

As it's Thursday it's National Agony Aunt Day - thanks as always for all your e-mails! I've answered Steve's - he crossed paths with his ex and feels there's a spark but there's one big problem - she has a serious boyfriend. Check out my advice to him on my homepage at "my answer to this week's dilemma" if you’re going through the same thing.

TODAY’S TIP: When it comes to going back to an ex the very first thing you have to ask yourself is whether the issue/issues that tore you apart have changed in any way? If they haven't been there's no point in going back to the same old problems with the same old attitude.

But if you both can commit to changing the way you handled the issue/issues last time around then second time around might be the best thing you ever did.

Take care of yourselves, Pamx

What's on your romantic checklist?

20/02/2013

Increasing studies about attraction show we have subconscious desires/needs that fuel our romantic checklist when we're looking for love. Much of this is subconscious - our brains ticking away working away analysing all sorts of qualities and traits about someone who may be a potential partner. But equally much of these calculations are going on with our conscious awareness.

I'm discussing this today on my Love Doc slot with Angela and Spence on the Heart Radio Northwest and Wales breakfast show. It's always a laugh chatting to those two but we also get points across that hopefully get listeners thinking about their own lives.

TODAY’S TIP: there are things you should never scratch off your romantic checklist - like that new person in your life being reliable - they don't stand you up for keep you waiting. But there are other things like how tall they are, the colour of their hair, etc., that should be scrapped from your checklist.

If you're serious about finding love and get serious about analysing the checklist maybe holding you back.

Take care, Pamx

Bedroom stress. One night stands and colleagues don't always mix...

19/02/2013

At 1050 a.m. I'm speaking to the lovely Mark Murphy on BBC radio Suffolk about how various issues affects sexual desire after the age of 40. And again I'm speaking to the equally lovely Annie Othen at 1120 a.m. on BBC radio Coventry and Warwickshire about this same issue. It's pegged on a report about our elders-and-betters and their sex lives after the age of 65 - however as I hear from so many people much younger than that about sexual difficulties – we’re opening up the discussion to include younger age groups. Do listen in online if you're over 40 and struggling in the bedroom.

On to one night stands ...one study found that something like 68% of people have a one night stand - or two - under their belt. And where some people say they have the best sex ever because they know it's only a one night stands so figure they might as well "go for it" - for others it can be more complicated than that... especially when it's a colleague.

Today on my weekly Love Clinic with iVillage UK I've answered one woman's dilemma about being embarrassed about a one night stand she had with a colleague a couple weeks ago. So please do check out my advice if this has happened to you.

TODAY’S TIP: The best thing if you're feeling embarrassed about sleep with a colleague? Take control of the situation - send them a straightforward e-mail saying you'd like to move on and be professional about it. Or plan to pop in to see them and say the same thing.

You can spare your blushes because they're probably feeling the same way.

Good luck sorting it out, Pamx

Sometimes you need to set boundaries...

18/02/2013

If you like Big Brother - or Celebrity Big Brother - tonight on channel 5 at 10 PM is a Speidi special. I contributed a soundbite to it - but it was filmed after a very long day indeed so I'm not sure if I made any sense!

Despite that it's always fun seeing the Big Brother team and I loved seeing two of the producers from the last series when we recorded this soundbite.

What makes Speidi such a crazy phenomenon? People find it impossible to work them out - are they really nice people, are they really mean, are they being genuine, are they always fake, etc. - they don't know what's going to come next and it's like a reality-style soap opera.

TODAY’S TIP: If I had a day with Heidi and Spencer - or anyone else who lives life a bit on the edge – I’d recommend they have their ‘edgy’ days and their ‘calm’ days set in stone. Anyone who lives an intense lifestyle needs to know they have days in their diary when they just calm down, refocus their energies and connect to those who are important to them.

It's all about setting boundaries between the intense part of your life and having some time away from whatever you do that's draining. Pretty much this is true for anyone who mentally takes their work home with them - you need to be able to close your door at night and treat your home as a refuge from any work worries.

Happy Monday, take care of yourself, Pamx

Was Valentine's Day a wash for you and your partner?

15/02/2013

I'm a complete romantic at heart but I'm also a realist and realise for many couples Valentine's Day can be a bit of a disaster. They argued instead of feeling loved-up, sex was yawns-worthy to say the least and now there is a bit of a cloud hanging over them.

I've tackled this in my Sun newspaper online Sex and Love Academy column today. I've included relationship rescue tips to help you move forward on any difficulties and I've included a few sizzling tips too. 

TODAY’S TIP: First and foremost don't let a bit of a disaster on Valentine's Day come up in disagreements for the next six months. Every time you argue it shouldn't be a case of, "well you were useless on Valentine’s so why should I expect any better now?"

Move on and start sorting things out if Valentines flagged up differences between your two expectations or other issues.

It's the weekend and the perfect time to start generating a more loving feeling.

I'm back here on Monday but will tweet a few tips over the weekend, have a good one, Pamx

Valentine ideas you can do today! And if you can't reach climax...

14/02/2013

Happy Valentine's Day all - I've got some tips to share with you in my article in the Mirror newspaper - hope you can put some to good use today and tonight!

It's Thursday and that means it's National Agony Aunt Day - and today I've answered a question from Sally who finds it hard to relax and orgasm.

TODAY’S TIP: often this is about holding negative beliefs and attitudes towards sex and a good starting point to change these is to generally boost your confidence.

The more confident you are in your life, the more confident you are about enjoying your sex life.

Do take a look at my advice to Sally.

Take care, Pamx

You don't have to dread Valentines if you're single...

13/02/2013

Loved chatting with Mark Forrest on BBC national radio last night about those who find love in later life - go for it, you're never too old for love!

Now I know many singles feel romance is shoved down their throats at this time of year but you can either ignore it or carve out your own singles fun on Valentine’s.

I'm discussing this on my Love Doc slot with the fabulous Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show after 8 AM.

I've got lots of tips for singles - though we usually have so much fun I never get through most of my tips!

TODAY’S TIP: My first tip is get together with a single friends and make the evening your own - do something different like see a film or go ice skating - just block out all the Valentine fanfare.

And revel in your singledom - even if you're looking for love make sure you enjoy every minute when you're out as when you look content in your life you're more likely to get the right kind of attention anyway. And for its own sake aim for contentment on a daily basis.

Look after yourself, Pamx

Valentine ideas! Is a body image issue inhibiting you in bed?

12/02/2013

Here's my MSN UK Her channel article with lots of Valentine selections that's do you clear of commercial hype...let the romance roll on!

Now how many of us fret about some aspect of our bodies and let this inhibit our sexual enjoyment? I'd guess practically everyone has felt this way at some point and I tackle this in my Love Clinic on iVillage UK - hope it's helpful!

The problem is things that seem quite small and start to make us feel a bit embarrassed can then snowball into a chronic anxiety. Chronic anxiety about your body means far less sexual enjoyment - whether you're in a relationship or as a single who would like an active sex life.

TODAY’S TIP: A good starting point is to re-identify two or three core qualities you have as a person - write them down, keep them handy, and the minute you start worrying about a body image issue whip them out and challenge your anxious thinking.

Life slips by so quickly there's no need for excess worrying.

Look after yourself, Pamx

A bit of a BAFTA report...

11/02/2013

Didn't get to bed until 3 AM so here is a bleary-eyed report...it certainly felt like a night of 1000 stars at the Royal Opera House last night - they all looked styled and primped to within an inch of their death... gorgeous and handsome [especially a wet Bradley Cooper and Ben Affleck] as we walked up the red carpet snowflakes and raindrops mixed with the sparkle.

Jennifer Lawrence was right behind us on the red carpet and it was astounding to hear this barrage of people shouting "Jennifer, Jennifer".

I hoped Hugh Jackman would win best actor but Daniel Day Lewis obviously was a worthy winner - his acceptance speech was very funny. Despite loving Argo I hoped Les Mis would get best film. Emmanuelle Riva was outstanding in Amour but I hoped Jennifer Lawrence would win that for Silverlining Playbook.

The only person who went a bit dizzy with her win was Anna Hathaway accepting best supporting actress... thought she was about to do a Gwyneth Paltrow.

Stephen Fry excelled as he always does with his wit, charm, warmth and self-deprecation.

After the awards it was on to the Grosvenor House Hotel for a wonderful dinner and dancing to the DJ.

As the Golden Hollywood glitterati would say it was "simply fabulous" - a night I'll never forget... and certainly a night my feet will never forget...ouch, a 'foot spa' wouldn't go amiss after being a bit cramped in very high heels.

No tips today as it was so late last night - but have a happy Monday and look after yourself, Pamx

Is Valentine's Day making you a bit despondent?

08/02/2013

This is the time of year I hear from many singles who are desperately looking for love or people who are unhappy in their relationship saying that Valentine's Day flags this up to them.

To anyone feeling like that, you can reframe your thoughts about the day - see it as just another day and ignore all the Valentine's stuff around you. You can do it - I've done it when I felt that way when I was single.

TODAY’S TIP: Plan to do something with a friend who feels the same way. Go see a movie [there are so many great ones out] or do something completely different like going ice skating together.

And if you're in an unhappy relationship - and you feel this a day that flags up your desire for a happy relationship - do something about it! What can you do to start healing things with your partner?

This is the perfect time [there's no time like the present] to start working on any issue that is eating away at your relationship.

I'm so excited to be going to the BAFTAs on Sunday night - will report back here on Monday anything exciting - like crossing paths with a Hollywood screen goddess in the ladies’ room!

Take care of yourself and I'll tweet a few tips over the weekend, Pamx

Are you attracted to someone you shouldn't be?

07/02/2013

Many people have ‘wandering-eye-syndrome’ - they notice other attractive people, fantasise about them and maybe try to take it further... when they already have a partner!

It's Thursday and that means it's National Agony Aunt Day and I've tackled this dilemma from Jenny. She's fallen for her fiancé's best friend - an unhappy and complicated place to be.

TODAY’S TIP: the key is to decide whether you really have fallen for someone or it's just a passing feeling of attraction. Never jump ship before you sort this out. And don't start an affair as it's rarely the way to help a decision along - it only complicates things.

Take a look at my answer on my homepage under dilemma I've answered this week.

Take care, Pamx

 

Wish you were better at flirting?

06/02/2013

Let's face it most people enjoy a little flirting but equally many believe they don't know how to flirt. Some are natural born flirts but the rest need a few tips and tricks till they feel confident flirting...and then they find they can turn on their very own flirt factor as needed.

Today on my Love Doc slot with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show we're tackling some flirt tips. Listen in at 8:20 AM if you'd like a few tips.

TODAY’S TIP: My list classic flirt tip is to turn the spotlight on them - ask them questions, be interested in what they have to say, and you're more likely to forget your nerves.

The added benefit? They'll think you're incredibly interesting because you're interested in them.

So if you're looking for love remember it's always a case of nothing ventured, nothing gained - go out on a limb and flirt a bit and even if the person isn't interested you've gained some experience. If they are interested then maybe you'll meet up.

Take a risk and enjoy yourself!

Happy Wednesday, Pamx

Are they ready for full commitment but you aren't?

05/02/2013

Isn't this one of the most perplexing problems of relationships where you're happy in a relationship but one of you wants to make it permanent and the other wants to stay as it is? The person who wants more find hard to understand why the other person doesn't - and of course the person who wants to maintain the status quo doesn't want to feel pressured.

In my weekly Love Clinic on iVillage UK today I've tackled it dilemma from a woman who is in this situation. Do check it out if you're facing this.

TODAY’S TIP: ultimately the best tip in this situation is to be completely honest with each other - the worst thing is to make promises like you might be ready to settle down in six months, etc. Don't make promises you can't keep and for the person who wants more don't keep putting pressure on.

Once you've been honest with each other you're both responsible for deciding whether you stay in the relationship or whether it's not the right relationship for you.

Not easy and tall order but it's the only way to avoid as much heartache as possible.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Are you a man with fears or phobias? Or his partner or friend?

04/02/2013

I hear from many men who are embarrassed by having a phobia or something like a social fear of having to give a presentation at work. I had a couple e-mails over the weekend about this so I just put up on my homepage [check out hot off the press] an article I've written about men, their fears, and letting you know that just because you have a fear doesn't mean you can't sort it out.

TODAY’S TIP: Men feel they just have to "man-up" and get on with it - sweeping it under the carpet can work for a time but often they come back to bite you in the proverbial.

If you're a man who's experiencing fears or phobias please do check it out. If you're a woman experiencing these things then there's lots of tips you can also use. Or if you worry your partner is secretly hiding something like this then casually suggests he takes a look.

Face your fear and you can conquer it!

Happy Monday, Pamx

How to affair-proof your relationship...

01/02/2013

With stories everywhere about infidelity and pop stars to sports stars and film stars as well as plenty of real-life stories of love cheats people a right to be concerned about their relationships. It seems a freewheeling attitude is out there where so many people think as long as they're not caught it doesn't matter if they have a quick fling on the side.

It does matter - it's devastating to be cheated on no matter who you are. In my Sun newspaper online column I've written about how to keep things spicy in the bedroom to help affair-proof your relationship.

TODAY’S TIP: But before you're even thinking about shaking things up in the bedroom you should remember some basic facts about keeping a loving feeling between you - think before you get angry - ask yourself if the issue is worth it? Think about how you treat your partner - would you treat a friend that way? And remember that with the downs go plenty of ups and you should focus on those positives you share.

Have a lovely weekend - I'll be back here Monday and tweet a few tips over the weekend.

Look after yourself, Pamx

 

A bit of hanky-spanky....

31/01/2013

It's Thursday [where does the time go?] and that means it's National Agony Aunt Day - I'm very thankful for all your e-mails and wish I could answer every single one.

I've answered Caroline’s about her boyfriend liking to spank her because as you can imagine this sort of question has come up repeatedly in the last year...although they've been together since before 50 shades hit the shops.

Check out my advice to her on my homepage at "dilemma I've answered this week".

TODAY’S TIP: I've said it before but I will say it again - if you're sleeping with someone, giving them your body, you should be able to let them know what you do and don't like. People jump into bed before they know how to communicate with each other - that's your choice - but remember the sex you have will be far better than know how to express your needs... don't be shy!

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Have you discovered an affair?

30/01/2013

I hear from so many people who have been cheated on - it's absolutely devastating no matter who you are. There's been much talk in the papers about whether pop star Zayn Malik from top boy band One Direction has allegedly cheated on pop star girlfriend Perrie Edwards from girl band Little Mix.

As with any story involving celebrities and possible infidelity there's a lot of chatter on twitter and I've seen many posts about their story. Most of these say that if it's true "she'll be fine because she's young" - but believe me no matter how young or old discovering your partner has betrayed you is deeply painful.

I'm discussing this on my ‘Love Doc’ slot at 8:20 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show.

TODAY’S TIP: My very first tip is never, ever make massive decisions when you are in the grips of a whirlwind of emotions. You may want to immediately kick cheat out but, e.g., if you have children that can devastate them.

Get immediate support from trusted friend or family and ask them to help you not rush into a decision you may regret. Sending you the best of luck if you're going through this difficult time.

On a happier note it's a family birthday tonight so I'm looking forward to getting together with loved ones and having a lovely celebration.

Happy Wednesday, Pamx

Are you fantasising about someone like your yoga teacher?

29/01/2013

Going to classes for physical training of any type can lead to all sorts of fantasies - I know this because people tell me they fantasize over their personal trainer, the person who takes their spin class, or in this case their yoga teacher... today in my Love Clinic on iVillage UK I tackle one woman's dilemma.

It's not that straightforward as he seems to take a hands-on approach in his class - a bit creepy if you ask me but she finds it thrilling.

TODAY’S TIP: Never jump into something that seems like a fantasy and turn into reality without lots of thought. The fantasy is often better than the reality.

And if you have a teacher in a physical training class who puts their hands on you set your boundaries immediately and report them if you think you should. Go by your gut instinct.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Flip your thinking on its head...

28/01/2013

I usually get more dilemmas come into my e-mail back at the weekends - obviously people  have more time... and many people are feeling anxious, out of sorts, not themselves, etc.

As I mentioned recently this is hardly surprising - it's cold, grey and spring and summer seem a long way away.

A starter-style technique for lifting your mood involves flipping your thinking on its head. Take some time to identify the sorts of negative thoughts you're having - be mindful of things like: I can't get through this time, everything seems hopeless, my life's going nowhere!

Constantly thinking things like this will bring your mood down.

TODAY’S TIP: once you've identified the types of negative thoughts whirling through your mind think of a challenging thought - to challenge them.

For instance you might think "I can't get through this time" - instead challenge it and substitute it with "I'm going to find the best today, I can get through this difficult time, I'm going to get in touch with the person who lift my mood, etc."

Practise this regularly and you stand a chance of beating negative thinking - but negative thinking may well become a daily habit - so make this new style of challenging thinking a daily habit to overcome it.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Beat the loneliness trap...

25/01/2013

It must be the time of year - so grey and cold and credit card bills have all come in from Christmas that seems ages ago - so if you're on your own when you can feel it the most.

I've just posted a new article on loneliness on my homepage at "hot off the press" - do check out tips if you're facing a long been the weekend. You can break free of the loneliness trap.

TODAY’S TIP: the first thing you need to do is develop a new mindset - stop telling yourself you will never meet anyone or connect with new friends - start telling yourself that anything is possible and you will start getting out to meet people.

Have a lovely weekend, I'm back here on Monday, but will tweet a few tips over the weekend.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

 

 

He wants to last longer during sex...

24/01/2013

Thursday has come around like a whirlwind and it's National Agony Aunt Day - thanks as always for your e-mails! Would love to answer them all today I'm answering one from a man I'll call Bill about lasting longer.

Being too quick on the draw [to use the slang] or premature ejaculation is a nightmare for many men and often it ends up that way for their partners.

It doesn't have to be that way and if your experiences I hope you'll check out my article on my homepage at the dilemma I've answered this week.

TODAY’S TIP: if you have any health concerns than always check with your doctor just in case you feel your PE might be related to a health or physical issue.

Otherwise put away all your negative attitudes about "performance" and that you might "fail" and treat moving forward like a new chapter in your relationship.

Draw a line under the past and give yourself a fresh start following my tips and any advice from your healthcare provider.

Good luck, Pamx

 

 

 

Are you worried about body imperfections? Do you and your partner lead separate lives?

23/01/2013

Do we all get a bit nervous about what we see as our imperfections when we're with a partner in a new relationship? You'd hardly be human if you didn't wonder about whether they'll notice your extra weight or something like stretch marks.

In my weekly Love Clinic I've tackled this on iVillage UK as one woman is quite distressed about her new partner seeing her stretch marks.

At 8:05 AM I'm discussing the ups and downs of couples who don't share very much when it comes to going out together, enjoying the same things, sharing interests on my Love Doc slot on Heart FM Northwest and Wales with the lovely Angela and Spence.

TODAY’S TIP: It's not always true that the couple that plays together stays together - it's good to have independent interests - what's crucial is finding the balance between both of your interests.

Later at 10:10 AM I'm chatting about whether you can remain friends after divorce on BBC radio Sussex - it's possible, but many find it a hard road when there are so many powerful, negative feelings they harbour for each other.

Look after yourself and look after your relationships, Pamx

It's supposedly Blue Monday. And it's my last expert slot on Celebrity Big Brother tonight...

21/01/2013

Hope you kept warm and cozy up to the weekend! It was the perfect weekend for cuddling up with partners, and/or spending time with friends and family.

It's called blue Monday today - it's supposed to be the most depressing day of the year but don't buy into that - make sure you keep connected to your partner, friend or family even if you can't spend time with them like you have over the weekend. You can give each other that emotional boost to combat loose feelings today through messages and phone calls.

Tonight I'm heading out to the Big Brother studios for my last expert slot [I'm packing a snow shovel and snowsuit!] - it's been a unique series - unlike most series there haven't been two distinct groups. Usually is the case with a large group they break into two smaller ones and, yes, there have been the men and there have been the women ... and then there was Spencer and Heidi or Speidi. Apart from the ructions with Speidi the two groups have got along together.

The most entertaining part has been the comedy from Rylan and Razor - an unlikely pair to become friends, almost like the father and son - this is what makes human behaviour so interesting - and sometimes entertaining because of the unexpected relationships that can form.

TODAY’S TIP: It's got me thinking of group dynamics at work - I always think the best way to tackle them is to make the most of your interactions with any colleague rather than join a clique.

But sometimes there's no option and people feel they have to align themselves with one group of colleagues or another.

My personal way of dealing with these things is always think of the bigger picture and the long "game" by trying to see the best in what each workmate has to offer. And to handle differences in a professional way... who wants turmoil where they work?

Happy Monday, Pamx

Lacking satisfaction in the bedroom?

18/01/2013

A major survey in the Sun newspaper this week found that many couples are very unhappy in the bedroom... this doesn't surprise me is there some classic ways that we tend to go wrong - thankfully there are some things to put this right.

In my Sun newspaper online column - my Sex and Love Academy - today I've tackled some of the common areas people can quite easily change.

TODAY’S TIP: One of the most classic ways we go wrong is not voicing our needs and just going along with what our partner wants. 99% of partners will want you to voice your needs! It's only the rare few that are so selfish that they don't care if your needs aren't met between the sheets.

Have a lovely weekend and I hope some of his tips come in handy! I'm back here on Monday but will tweet some tips over the weekend.

Look after yourself, Pamx

The shock of discovering your partner once used escorts or prostitutes...

17/01/2013

Thursday comes around far too quickly - I have this feeling the earth is spinning faster three weeks! That means it's National Agony Aunt Day and a massive thank you for your e-mails.

I've chosen "Hannah’s" because although I've come across this issue many times I haven't tackled it for ages. She's disturbed because her boyfriend has revealed he once used escorts.

TODAY’S TIP: First and foremost you need to get practical in these situations and get your sexual health checked out - a visit to your local STI clinic to make sure your partner hasn't picked up anything and you don't have anything.

You've got to look at the “whys” - the circumstances and why your partner once used sex workers. By far the majority of couples get over this.

Happy Thursday, Pamx

Sleep problems with your partner?

16/01/2013

There is a near epidemic of insomnia UK with 38% of people having one or two bad nights a week and about 20% having regular bad nights. Often this is about a partner who snores or kicks or even hogs the duvet.

At 8.20 AM I'm chatting about this on my Love Doc slot with the delightful duo Angela and Spence on the Heart FM Northwest and Wales breakfast show.

TODAY’S TIP: Sleep deprivation is no joke and leads to stress and low mood so get practical with some of your solutions. If one of you hogs the duvet then have to separate duvets and bacon hog away. If one feels the cold get them a heated under blanket for their half of the bed - they come in single bed size perfect for this problem.

If you want a wealth of sleep tips please go to "Powerful Living" on my homepage and you'll find a sleep article there.

Here's to a better night sleep for all of you, Pamx

Some unexpected side effects of pregnancy. The Celebrity Big Brother spinoff show...

15/01/2013

Pregnancy has many unexpected side effects especially when it comes to sexual desire. Some women can't stand to be touched while pregnant and others find they can't get enough sex. I've tackled this in my Love Clinic on iVillage UK - one woman got in touch about her increased desire.

Again I have a blast on last night's Big Brother’s Bit on the Side posted by the lovely Emma Willis. We discussed various aspects of the housemates behaviour, especially how they reacted to being nominated for eviction... surely never a nice feeling!

TODAY’S TIP: Back to pregnancy and your experiencing a change in your feelings are desire it's crucial you let your partner know in a tactful way. Don't keep these things to yourself as they can start eating away at you.

We all expect to bloom in pregnancy but it doesn't always happen that way.

Take care of yourselves, Pamx

It's off to the Celebrity Big Brother spinoff show again tonight...

14/01/2013

I can't wait to go out to do the Big Brother Bitt on the Side programme tonight as the Monday night expert - had a blast last week with the gorgeous  Emma Willis [have you ever seen such cheek bones?] And tonight we've got lots of fresh topics to discuss... top secret until the slot at 1120 p.m.

Over the weekend I was asked for my thoughts on a piece of research about first-time sex... no surprises it found that people who had better experiences when they lost their virginity went on to have happier sexual relationships. I gave some quotes to the Daily Mail about these findings.

Your first time can have such a profound effect on future sexual relationships. It's important that you wait to get it right.

TODAY’S TIP: If you're long past having had your first sexual experience - but the memory of it makes you cringe or feel unhappy - the one thing you must do is PUT it down to experience.

There are many other people who feel the way you do and allow it to affect future relationships when it shouldn't. It happened, it happened in a way that left you unhappy - but that was then and this is now.

Look after yourself and your relationships, Pamx

Small acts of kindness go a long way...

11/01/2013

I always take the tube or bus unless I'm going somewhere special and I'm wearing very high heels - then I'll grab a cab (I drive but very rarely). Last night I was meeting a friend for a quick drink after work and there was a man [probably in his early 60s] who got on the tube and I offered him my seat. I must say there was a very young man [19 or 20] across from me who didn't offer his - naughty!

At first he said no but he looked a bit unstable on his feet to me - he hadn't been drinking but he just looked a bit dizzy so I asked him again and he said how kind it was and that he would take my seat after all.

Standing above him and holding on to the safety strap I caught a glimpse of what he was clutching in his hand - it was the order of service for a funeral. And then I knew why he looked a bit dizzy - he was probably overwhelmed with emotions.

That's the thing about offering someone a seat who isn't super old - e.g., people in their late 50s early 60s want to stand, they want to prove they're fit and well. But there are times when you should analyze the situation a bit closer - and maybe ask a second time - so that someone's pride doesn't stop them having a much-needed rest sitting down.

TODAY’S TIP: It's always worth going beyond the first offer when you want to give a small act of kindness - people often refuse unless they’re gently pressed.

We all need kindness shown to us at times - and it helps guard against a rather harsh world.

I'll be back here on Monday but will tweet some tips over the weekend.

Have a lovely one and yourself, Pamx

Should you tell a person their partner is cheating?

10/01/2013

It's Thursday and the first National Agony Aunt Day of 2013 - each Thursday I answer one question [pretty much at random] from my mailbag. You can e-mail me on my homepage. Thank you all for your e-mails and am sorry I can't answer them all! Obviously I work full time and run my website myself and it's a pleasure to answer one week but impossible to do more than that.

This week I'm answering one from "Jodie" because her dilemma resonates with what's going on right now at this time of year - many people strike up affairs as I wrote about in Sunday's Sun newspaper and here on Monday.

Becky's dilemma is that the man who took her out turned out to be married and she would like to tell his wife. It that resonates with something you're going through do take a look at my advice to her.

TODAY’S TIP: If you discover the person you've been innocently seeing actually has a partner then there's two things to remember about them: they are a liar, they are prepared to cheat on the person who should mean the most to them.

So even if you have fallen head over heels and it's a passionate fling - do you really want that sort of person as a long-term partner? As so many people find out when a person cheats and moves on to the next person - they often end up cheating on that person.

Set your sights higher and find someone who's single.

Take care, Pamx

Lost that loving feeling?

09/01/2013

At 7:50 AM I'm chatting about re-claiming that loving feeling between you in my "Love Doc" slot with Angela and spends the Heart FM radio breakfast show hosts in the North West and Wales.

One of the most common issues I hear about in my role as an agony aunt is NOT just from couples who want to break up but also from couples who want to stay together. They know there's some loving feeling buried deep between them, but they just need to be pointed down the path of rekindling a little romance.

 

TODAY’S TIP: the very first thing you should do is listen to your own voice when you speak to your partner - I bet it's a lot harsher and shriller than when you first got together.

 

Research shows the return is crucial in how your partner responds to you. So slow it down, soften it, and look them in the eye when you're talking to them - we humans register positive changes in vocal tone and eye contact as pleasurable...so make that voice pleasurable and be thankful you've made it this far and can turn it around!

 

Happy Wednesday, Pamx

Want to do something special for a new partner?

08/01/2013

Oh the bliss of a new relationship where you're desperate to do something special for that person who has set your world on fire. In my Love Clinic on iVillage UK today I offer some advice to a woman who wants to do something super spicy with her boyfriend of the last six months.

Having come out of a traumatic divorce and then met him - a man who is kind and loving - she wants to do something special... and in this case she wanted recommendations for outdoors sex.

TODAY’S TIP: Whatever you're planning to do for that new person it doesn't have to cost a lot of money - as in this woman's dilemma she wanted a solution that was about having sexy from not splashing loads of money around.

Always think of the simple things you can do to light up that special person's life.

Look after your love, Pamx

Expert slot on Celebrity Big Brother tonight. And will you be unfaithful today?

07/01/2013

Evidently more people will take the plunge and start an affair today than any time of year. I've written my thoughts in this article in the Sun newspaper. If you're tempted to cheat do take a look at my thoughts.

Tonight I'm heading out to the Celeb Big Brothers Studios to chat to the fabulous Emma Willis about the celebrity housemates' behaviour. Can't wait, it's always a blast, having done Big Brother commentary is 2005 there's always something new to talk about.

TODAY’S TIP: Back to cheating... if you've been flirting with someone and think you might take it further, close your eyes and imagine how you'd feel if your partner cheated on you. Really think through how awful you'd feel imagining them in bed with someone else. You’d probably feel devastated so do you want to risk devastating them?

Keep reminding yourself of the image of your partner cheating to hopefully stop you from taking that step. You can't go back to being faithful once you've been unfaithful.

Take care of each other, Pamx

 

Recharge your relationship...

04/01/2013

So many promises and resolutions are made in the new year - too often falling apart. But if you make one promise or plans change anything how about starting with your relationship if you're part of a couple?

Research is on your side for strengthening your relationship - and your sex life - it shows that those who stay connected intimately are healthier and happier... don't think we need research to tell us that!

In my fortnightly Sex and Love Academy in the Sun newspaper online I have some top tips today on pumping up the pleasure you to experience. 

TODAY’S TIP: There's one word everyone should hold in mind when wanting to keep their relationship recharge and that's romance. It's so easy to let the romance slip out of your relationship and neglect slip into it in its place.

Keep it simple with loving compliments, affection and cuddles, small and meaningful gifts, having candlelit dinners at home - romance doesn't need an expensive restaurant!

Look after each other and have a lovely weekend. I'm back on Monday but will tweet some tips over the weekend.

Take care, Pamx

Heal your heart after a breakup! And that all too elusive sexual desire...

03/01/2013

It's Thursday and normally that's National Agony Aunt Day but that'll resume next week when I've caught up with the pile of work on my desk - I can barely see above it!

Yesterday I talked about how, sadly, this is the time of year for divorce on BBC radio Tees on Mike Parr's show and here's my new article on MSN Her channel for you if you've broken up. I hope some of my tips for healing a broken heart are helpful - thinking of you during this very difficult time.

And if you're still with your partner but your sexual desire has gone AWOL I've tackled this in my Love Clinic on iVillage UK this week. The way we live nowadays it's hardly surprising that at any given time about 40% of couples experience lack of desire as a problem between them. 

TODAY’S TIP: the biggest and best tip for reclaiming sexual desire is about prioritising your life - you can decide to be pulled in a million different directions and have nothing left over for your partner or you can prioritise your relationship.

As we're into the new year it's an excellent time to simply think about how you can make your love count for more even if you don't make any particular resolution to do so. Simply adopting the mindset of prioritising your relationship will help.

Good luck with it, Pamx

Forget resolutions try sexolutions! And has Christmas spelt D-day for your relationship?

02/01/2013

So many people make new year resolutions about their relationships - they're going to be more patient, more loving, see the best in others, etc. But why not start in the bedroom with sexolutions? After all if you're happy between the sheets it has a definite positive effect on your entire relationship.

In today's Mirror newspaper I've written a feature on these - hope the tips help!

Besides resolutions and relationships another aspect of the new year is the fact divorce lawyers hear from more couples than at any other time. I'm discussing this with Mike Parr on his BBC radio Tees show at 10:20 AM today - do listen in online if you're going through the worst ever time with your partner.

TODAY’S TIP: Think before you take the leap of going to a matrimonial law lawyer - or if you're not married think before you take the leap of leaving your partner.

It's definitely worth having a coming off period during January before either of you make a decision you might regret. Don't forget the stress of Christmas affects everyone, even happy couples, so if you headed into the holidays with issues between you it's no wonder you're feeling like jumping ship now.

Take your time and take care of yourself, Pamx

Turn Christmas into sexy Blissmas! Celebrity dilemmas solved. Christmas greetings!

21/12/2012

This is the time of year when we want to feel close to our partners and yet so much keeps us apart - the festivities, the extra work, the gift buying, the school activities and nativity plays, seeing relatives, seeing friends, decorating the tree and your home - the list is endless.

So I like to think of easy steps couples can use to keep that loving vibe between them - in my Sun newspaper online Sex and Love Academy column I've given you a selection of blissmas tips to keep things moving and sexy between you two.

I'll be back here on January 3rd as I have so much travelling between relations to do. I'll post the occasional article and I'll be tweeting occasional tips but otherwise I wanted to wish you a loving, friendly, sparkling and colossal Christmas with your friends and family.

And if for any reason you can't be with friends or family this Christmas please do look at my entry from two days ago - the 19th December - in 19as it includes the link to my article on loneliness.

I've also taken some classic celebrity dilemmas and puts on my Agony Aunt hat to offer tips if you're experiencing these dilemmas - here in my MSN UK Her channel article.

TODAY’S TIP: the one last tip I want to offer before January 3 is to remember to keep things in perspective - to expect the best from your relationships and not to worry about the material things - most of us have plenty. To be true to yourself and let yourself shine as well as helping the ones you care about to shine in their own ways. We each have some sparkle within us but at times life can try to extinguish it with all the pressures that come our way.

All the best for Christmas and New Year, Pamx

Being a separated parent facing Christmas without your children is devastating...

20/12/2012

If you're a parent facing your first Christmas [or maybe your second or third Christmas] without your children because it's not your turn to have them than I can assure you it is an extremely difficult "place" to be. I remember when this happened when I divorced and my heart goes out to anyone going through this.

As it's National Agony Aunt Day [the last one of 2012] I've answered one father's e-mail about this - if you're in this situation, whether you're a mother or father, do check out it out on my homepage at the dilemma of the week.

TODAY’S TIP: one thing you definitely must do is make sure your children feel secure who's ever home they're staying at. You will cope with your heartache at your first Christmas without them - you're the adult in this situation - and put all your energies into ensuring they're feeling loved them that's the best you can do.

Remind yourself that is your job as their parent and you will be okay and they will be okay!

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Loneliness at Christmas...

19/12/2012

There is a plague of loneliness in our society and it is intensifies with the time like Christmas. We're surrounded by advertising showing happy families and groups of friends out together. But what about those or whatever reason are distant from their family and/or friends? Loneliness can be soul destroying if you're in this situation.

I've tackled this on MSN UK Her channel with some suggestions for either conquering or embracing your loneliness over the next couple weeks. Please take a look at my advice if you are going to be on your own and you'd rather not be.

TODAY’S TIP: if you can manage to flip your thinking on its head it can be a real life lesson - so try hard to be positive instead of feeling unhappy about having a few days on your. Think about “reframing” it as a time where you can relax, look after yourself, and do things the way you'd like to.

We're not very good in our society about learning to spend time on our other - and although it's not easy at this time of year feeling this way - at some point we all need to appreciate and value our time without others.

Happy Wednesday, Pamx

Attracted to a colleague but not sure whether to take it further?

18/12/2012

Seeing as nearly one in two people meet their partner at work or through work it's hardly surprising that there are related issues around this. Christmas time brings these out and in my Love Clinic today on iVillage UK I've tackled one woman's dilemma about the man she had a Christmas kiss with.

When it goes live later on their website I'll post a link - hope my advice is helpful if you're wondering whether to show a colleague you're attracted to them or not.

TODAY’S TIP: there is actually nothing wrong trying to find out if they like you back - and all you need to do in the first place is make sure you cross paths with them a little bit more frequently. Say hello when you do, try and start a conversation even if it's about work. But when you do keep it light, fun and create that comfort zone around you where they all want to talk to you in future.

If you're in this situation wishing you the best of luck finding out if your colleague is interested in you!

Take care, Pamx

Are you worried about a family member and their well-being?

17/12/2012

 

When a horrific event with such tragic consequences occurs as in Newtown Connecticut with a desperately sad loss of life it quite naturally has a ripple effect outwards about mental health issues. And these include the biggest problems as well as the ones you're more likely to come into contact with in the family and friends.

And this ripple effect can raise anxiety in people about a family member or a friend who may be struggling with mental health issues. Obviously these worries are very, very unlikely to take this sort of nightmarish proportions - where you fear someone will get violent - but it just makes people become more aware of things like depression.

You mustn't hide from your worries if you're concerned a friend or family member is depressed or struggling in some other way. It's crucial that you keep communication lines open.

TODAY’S TIP: How to do this? With tact and honesty, armed with the confidence and courage that you're right to bring this up with your family member or friend.

Let them know that you only wish them well and want be supportive with any of their struggles. Sometimes this might be met with an angry response but more often with relief. And please don't let the possibility of an angry response hold you back from letting this person know you're worried.

Good luck with it, take care, Pamx

Who doesn't have classic Christmas crises with family or friends?

14/12/2012

There is not a family in the world who gets along like the old television programme The Waltons - every little edge was smoothed very quickly, never a word spoken in anger, always putting each other first... that's some kind of fantasy family!

It would be lovely if we all got along like that but I've just posted an article on my homepage at "hot off the press" with advice for some classic family crises.

And just as we wish we could long perfectly with our families we also have problems with friends from time to time - usually these can be faced in the same way we face family issues - my article includes some tips for these issues.

TODAY’S TIP: you've got just over a week to think about those hot spots that occur in your family every Christmas. What can you do about them? How can you prevent them? There is always a tip or strategy you can use to make things just a little bit better this year.

Have a lovely weekend, I'm back here Monday, I'll be tweeting a few tips over the weekend, Pamx

 

 

 

Is it the right time of year to let someone know youre attracted to them?

13/12/2012

The major theme on people's minds at this time of year is often Christmas stress [obviously quite apart from making plans to spend time with family and friends] but I all so find many people start getting worked up about someone they like, usually at work, and really want to say something about it at this time of year.

All our romantic tendencies come tumbling out with all the Christmas love songs and Christmasy films - so as it's National Agony Aunt Day [as I call it] I've chosen a question about this from Lexi.

Check out my answer to her on my homepage if you're thinking of saying something - or using the office party as a way to make an approach. Or maybe you're worried you might get tipsy and say the wrong thing at the office party.

TODAY’S TIP: letting someone know you're attracted to them is always about choosing the right moment... whether it's Christmas, Valentine’s, or any time of the year - it's all about timing and what you say.

So don't let the idea of spending an intoxicating Christmas with someone new sway your judgment - instead think about the circumstances you two are in and whether or not this really is the right time to let them know.

You don't have to rush these things but so many feel an urgency and rush it and it comes out wrong.

Good luck, Pamx

There's plenty of room for embarrassment after the office party. What is love...

12/12/2012

It's that time of year when some people are having to do the walk of shame after behaving badly at the Christmas party. I've written about how to overcome your blushes in today's Sun newspaper - take a look at my 10 top tips [some are tongue in cheek. I'll put up a live link when it goes live on their site.

I'm also chatting about the sorts of things people do at parties that they regret with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show just after 8 AM today.

They are so much fun to work with on my weekly Love Doctor slot on their show. I'm sure they've had to do the walk of shame many times!

In today's Express newspaper I've commented in a talking heads piece about what is love...erm, a very tall order to answer that in 100 words! Every person who's in love has a different definition but the one thing that people tell me repeatedly is that it's like having a protective fortress around the couple against the stresses of the world. They learn to rub along together and smooth off each other's rough edges as they go. It's about knowing they can get through the worst times and get back to the better times... and so many other things!

TODAY’S TIP: Back to office parties - sometimes a simple apology helps the most. If you said something offensive to a colleague, maybe cracked a rude joke, maybe complained about work, keep it simple... Say you had too much to drink and the comments you made were downright wrong. Then say a heartfelt I'm sorry!

Sometimes it only takes one experience like this to learn to space your drinks sensibly at a Christmas party. And prevention is better than cure - have a non-alcoholic drink in between each alcoholic one. Eat before you go out and have snacks that are offered during the party. You don't have to end up red faced with embarrassment!

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Tempted to go back to a fling?

11/12/2012

Flings can serve a very satisfying purpose - for both people concerned to let go and have great sex. The best kind of fling is when both people go into it with their eyes open knowing it is what it is. How about when you want to go back for a second fling? I tackled this dilemma in my weekly Love Clinic on iVillage UK - do check out my advice to this woman if you're in this situation.

Her situation is complicated by this man now kind of involved with someone else. Sounds to me a bit like he's a player... Not a good sign if you're going back because you really liked the person.

TODAY’S TIP: Always know what you're getting into - two key things spring to mind: 1/ feeling in control because you're being honest with yourself and the person you want to have the fling with. 2/ And staying confident - knowing your mind and being able to speak it even when the issue is a bit sensitive like where the fling is going.

Happy loving, Pamx

Feel sexier for Christmas. And any dilemmas? Ring me tonight!

10/12/2012

It's easy to lose your sparkle when it comes to your sex life at this time of year - after all we are pulled in so many directions. This is why I've written an article for MSN UK Her Channel with some simple tips to keep the spark flowing between you. I'll post the link when it goes live later on their site.

I hope some but tips work for you!

After nearly 3 years tonight is my last ever agony slot on BBC Eastern regions on the lovely Sue Marchant's show. We've spent this regular hour covering all sorts of dilemmas - from family and children to relationships and lovers.

Now that there is going to be a national programme at 7 PM weeknights they’re having a different format.  But it's been a wonderful time as Sue is a lovely present your work with and if you're one of the people who texted, e-mailed or running with your dilemma thanks for getting in touch.

Tonight's your last chance to get in touch so why not do so at 7pm tonight by texting your dilemma to 81333. As it's Sue’s show please begin your text with Sue followed by your dilemma.

You can also listen live at BBC radio Cambridgeshire and ring us to chat on 0845 30 50 007

TODAY’S TIP: always bear this in mind - there really isn't dilemma where there isn't a solution to match it. Or many solutions. Sometimes you have to roll the dilemma around in your mind and try and see it from as many angles as you can - then you find there's at least a first step to take to make it a better situation.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Is your man on the large size? And what your party dress reveals about your personality

07/12/2012

There is this myth that the well endowed man has an easy life - envied by other men and worshiped by women and that's simply not true. Many men with a large penis find it causes discomfort to their partner so I've tackled this in my Sex and Love Academy online-column in the Sun newspaper today - I'll post a live link when it goes live on their website later.

Over to something seasonal - are you heading for a Christmas party and finding it hard to choose what to wear? That's because deep down your intuition tells you that you give off a message with that party frock and I've written an article on the MSN UK Her channel about what classic party frocks reveal about our deeper personality.

We all know how the styles we put on reveal what's inside - otherwise we'd wear same thing every day no matter where we were going - a job interview, a wedding, a funeral, a party, etc. But often we don't realize subtle differences between different styles and what people might think we're like as a person when they see us in different choices.

TODAY’S TIP: Ultimately wear what you feel most comfortable in because that will give you the most confidence throughout the evening. Don't feel you have to wear some of the things that are on trend this season - like the figure hugging, below the knee styles. Wear what suits you!

Have a lovely weekend, I'll tweet a bit over the weekend and back here on Monday, Pamx

Are you asexual and find it challenging? Is your partner's sex drive stronger than yours?

06/12/2012

In today's Sun newspaper I've commented on a sexuality and how stigmatised this is. Check out the link so you can read these women's stories in my view at the end of it. If you feel alone with this please do get support from AVEN - you are not alone if you feel this way about sex - not wanting it, not caring about it. It's challenging in our society full of sexualised messages to feel this way - but you shouldn't, you're entitled to the way you feel.

Now for the other side of the coin, I'm never surprised when I hear from someone that their partner has a higher or lower sex drive than they do. Let's think about this from a practical level: when you meet someone does one or other of you sleep better? Does one or other of you have more energy? Does one or other you have a better appetite? Right! And the same holds true for sex so I never think a couple should be surprised when one or other has a higher drive.

It's Thursday so it's National Agony Aunt Day and I've answered one woman's dilemma [‘Lucy’] about this. Take a look on my homepage at the "dilemma I've answered this week” if this applies to you.

TODAY’S TIP: No matter the problem if you always look at it at the most basic level as I've just mentioned above with sex drive it off and puts it in perspective. Unfortunately we feed worry about any given issue by blowing up abortion. Strip it back and look at the brass tacks! I'm sure you'll see a solution or steps to a solution.

Have a thrilling Thursday, Pamx

William's and Kate's body language. Are you thinking of breaking up before Xmas?

05/12/2012

If you like body language I've checked out the last year of William's and Kate's body language for an MSN UK Her channel article.

Over to your relationship - do you want to breakup with your partner but you worry you shouldn't upset them before Christmas? I don't think ‘mercy love’ is emotionally healthy – in fact it's kind of disrespectful that you assume they’d want you to stay for this reason - mercy!

Earlier I chatted about this on my weekly Love Doc slot onh Angela and Spence's Breakfast show on Heart FM breakfast for the Northwest and Wales.

The exception to this is if you two have a child or children - then you should dig deep and see the relationship through until after Christmas. It's going to be tough enough on your child/children anyway when it happens but at least they can have one last Christmas before the big blow.

If you don't have children - and so breaking up before Christmas is an option - don't forget your partner might be thinking the same way! They may wish to leave the relationship but worry about doing so before Christmas.

Another element to this is how greed motivates some people not to breakup until the new year - this sad thinking behind this is day might be a good Christmas present from the partner they want to dump. Sorry, but in my books this is never the reason to stay together.

TODAY’S TIP: I don't think people [without children] should use something like Christmas as a reason not to breakup with someone they really want breakup with. It's different if you're simply wondering if your relationship is coming to an end - in that case going full throttle into Christmas and trying to see if time together helps repair things may well be a good idea.

Ultimately if you use something like Christmas as a reason for staying in unhappy relationship, then you may well end up finding all sorts of excuses not to finish it - and no one is happy, you become increasingly bitter, but you always find a reason like birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s, etc., to stay together.

Obviously as with any breakup it should be done with tact and caring but please don't ever look at your partner as someone so pathetic that you have to pretend to relish spending Christmas together - if they knew that they'd feel third rate.

All the best with your tough decision, these things are never easy unless the relationship has got to the absolutely dire phase and then it can be quite easy to walk away. Take care, Pamx

Congratulations! And has your relationship been damaged by your partners drinking...

04/12/2012

The most sparkling congratulations to Wills and Kate and here's hoping her debilitating morning sickness passes soon. With my second I had terrible morning sickness that thankfully only lead to bed rest on three separate weeks and not hospitalisation so I know a taste of what she's going through.

And congratulations to all other expectant couples - never lose sight of the fact that you're a couple as well as parents and take it events each of the remaining months you have as just the two of you before the big arrival!

Now on to other things...anything in moderation is enjoyable but if your partner's drinking or gambling has ruined your relationship how do you handle it? I tackled this in my Love Clinic on iVillage UK today.

These big issues for relationships are often hard to tackle on your own and I'd urge anyone to get help from a recovery programme - the appropriate 12 step programme for your partner’s and yours issue. Because one thing’s for sure if they've been drinking [or gambling, too, as in this woman's case] it's a joint problem for you both if you're going to stick together.

TODAY’S TIP: Take the first step today by getting some advice from a trusted professional like your GP. The other practical step to take is finding out where your local meetings are.

Just take some action today - don't let this issue ruin your relationship for good

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Feeling lonely? And think about another today...

03/12/2012

It's that time of year that I get more e-mails about loneliness then at any other time - for obvious reasons. Thank you for all your e-mails and I'm thinking of you!

If you're on your own right now and Christmas looks like turkey-for-one I completely understand why you're feeling that way. But NOW is the time to reach out to others.

Who do you know - perhaps from work or an acquaintance of an acquaintance - who might be spending Christmas on their own? Why not suggest a Christmas eve or Boxing Day get together?

Or definitely check out your local charities and hospitals to see if they need any volunteering done. Some charities are crying out for volunteers at this time of year.

Even if we have family to spend Christmas with it is truly rushing full tilt at us and it's easy to stop thinking about others who may be facing tremendous struggles. Tonight I'm going to the annual Terrence Higgins Trust Christmas party - such an amazing cause so worth supporting. I think of those who face HIV and AIDS related illnesses with courage and I never want to lose sight of having my health.

TODAY’S TIP: Just for today focus on the good you have in your life and perhaps someone else you should be thinking of.

We should all do this regularly! Make someone's day!

Happy Monday, Pamx

Time for an emotional check up....

30/11/2012

At the end of the month I like to look back and think about the highs and lows. What memories and amendments do I want treasure? Which life lessons have I learnt?

It's a habit I've had for a long time and I think it keeps things in perspective. It's kind of like an emotional MOT.

TODAY’S TIP: why not take a moment today to think back the month of November [maybe it's Movember for you having grown a mustache?] - Can you pick a few highlights? Commit those to memory for the days ahead?

A monthly MOT can focus your mind on the things you're lucky to have and the things that may have been painful but that you can take something from.

Have a lovely weekend, I'll tweet a few tips over it and back here on Monday, Pamx

Have you been cheated on and it's left you wary...

29/11/2012

It's unbelievable that it's Thursday again and National Agony Aunt Day as I call it! As always, a big thank you for anyone who's e-mailed and today I chose one from Janis to answer.

She's had her heart broken by her ex he cheated on her - including cheating with her sister - it doesn't get more painful than that.

Do check out my advice to her if you're going through this kind of heartbreak.

TODAY’S TIP: when you've been cheated on it feels like the end of the world. It's hard to imagine you can heal that kind of heartbreak.

I hate to use cliché but time and a lot of self-care will help you heal eventually. Remember this can't be rushed and you need to fight a desire to jump into another relationship for comfort when you're feeling so unhappy.

Watch the desire to rebound and end up with more unhappiness.

Look after your broken heart and it will mend sooner, Pamx

Long term partner won't move in? Is your seasonal stress already getting out of control?

28/11/2012

When I join Angela and Spence for my Love Doctor slot on their Heart FM Northwest and Wales breakfast show at 8:05 AM this morning we're chatting about boyfriends or girlfriends who won't move in even after five years together.

One of their listeners has got in touch about this issue and I think it's reasonable to expect that after five years of dating you would take it to the next level!

This flags up commitment issues to me and the person who is dragging their feet needs to start being honest with the other. Listen in if you have a chance in this applies to you.

I'm never surprised when I start hearing from people already overstressed in the last week of November. We put enormous pressure on ourselves in the run-up to Christmas.

I ask everyone to stop and think for a moment about what Christmas really means to them? Is about having some time off with your family and friends? Or is it more about the material side - having to have loads of presents and tons of treats?

Presence and treats is one lovely but should never come at the cost of your peace of mind. So now's the time to discuss with your partner to have one or family members you're going to spend time with over Christmas how you can rein in the expenditure and have more peaceful time together.

TODAY’S TIP: what I do every year at this time is make an A-list and B-list [treat the things you need to do like celebrities!] - The A-listers are absolutely necessary and B-listers are better left to one side.

Force yourself to stick to this principle where you only do the things you really have to do and put aside the pressure the other things bring.

You've got time now to get yourself sorted so that you arrive for Christmas week feeling pretty good rather than pretty frazzled.

I'm so looking forward to a Prince's Trust event tonight at the while Albert Hall - such an amazing charity inspiring young people to do the best they can with their lives. and it should be a fantastic evening with all the entertainment.

Not take care of yourself, Pamx

Are you being pressured to put your sex life on film?

27/11/2012

Once upon a time, long ago taking a naughty-snap of your selves seemed like a really big deal. Girls on film, guys on film was daring.

Then every mobile included a camera, every camera became easy to use and increasingly couples photographed or filmed themselves during sex.

That's fine if you both want to - and know what's good happened to the pictures if you break up. But what about when you don't want to be caught on film? I tackled this in my Love Clinic on iVillage UK today. The woman who e-mailed me did not want to be filmed by her boyfriend because she knew he previously shared pictures of his ex-girlfriends with others... I think she's wise not to trust him!

TODAY’S TIP: the problem is when you care for someone, particularly early in a relationship when you might be learning how to assert yourself in it, it feels a very big deal to say no to someone. Let me say one thing - it shouldn't be! You should never do anything that makes you uncomfortable when it comes to sex.

And if you do want to film or photograph what you get up to the bedroom, watch it and enjoy it afterwards but then delete it! Better to be safe than sorry.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Are you looking out for someone who needs extra attention?

26/11/2012

There is always someone in any given neighborhood that may need extra care because their family isn't close, or maybe they don't have family, or they're isolated for one of a  hundred reasons. Make sure you keep an eye on them!

Today I'm going to see my "adopted” grandmother in Kent - she loves seeing her young friends and she's always been like a grandmother to me.

At 94 she's a role model to us all - she's interested in the world, she's up to date on news from the elections to celebrity gossip, she enjoys a glass of wine and loves good food.

What more could you want?

TODAY’S TIP: get involved with just one person in your community who might need some help, care and attention. If you go to your local Council and find out about voluntary schemes you could literally change someone's life.

If we all did this, life would be that much happier, people would feel more connected who otherwise may feel lonely, and we'd all be more fulfilled.

Happy Monday, Pamx

 

Are inhibitions or shyness preventing them having pleasure in the bedroom...

23/11/2012

By far the majority of people experience some shyness when it comes to sex - whether they get over it easily - or not - depends a lot on their previous experiences.

Even the most confidence people at times will have an attack of nerves especially if they're slipping between the sheets with someone they’re really attracted to. I've tackled this in my Sex and Love Academy in the Sun newspaper online.

I hope the tips help - I've tried to suggest some straightforward things that anyone could try.

TODAY’S TIP: One tip that works is putting the spotlight on the person you're with. Ask them they'd like to do - how they want to be touched, where they won't be touched, etc. he gives you lots more confidence when you're focusing on them because you stop worrying about your own insecurities.

Do check out my article for lots more tips.

I'll be back here on Monday, I'll be tweeting a few tips over the weekend, but have a lovely one, Pamx

 

Happy Thanksgiving, talking on Daybreak TV, and agony aunt day...

22/11/2012

Wishing everyone, North American or not a very happy Thanksgiving! If there's one thing we can learn from this tradition it's about being thankful for what we all have as individuals.

It was great to be able to you chat on Daybreak television this morning about the fact many people ignore pregnant women on public transport - shame on you, give up your seat! As little bit of kindness goes far and we should show more care to pregnant women. I've been there and know how lovely it was when someone let me sit down.

 

It's already Thursday again and that means it's National Agony Aunt Day when I answer one agony style dilemma in full. Thank you so much for all your e-mails - today I've answered Denise’s question about wanting cosmetic surgery to feel sexier. Take a look on my homepage at "my answer to this week's dilemma" if this is on your mind.

TODAY’S TIP: If contemplating any radical cosmetic change I would always said look at your inner confidence first.

If you generally felt better about yourself would you still feel the need to change yourself physically?

Any reputable cosmetic surgeon will be asking these questions and for anyone wanting a reputable cosmetic surgeon visit www.baaps.org.uk. [no direct link here].

Make sure you don't rush into decisions you cannot reverse.

Happy Thursday, Pamx

Time to confess - did you fib to impress?

21/11/2012

Every single one of us wants to put our best foot forward when we start dating someone new. It's natural to want to gloss over your bad points and emphasize your good!

But so often this glossing becomes fibbing and I'm chatting about this with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show at 8:05 AM.

I find their two main types of romantic fibs - those that ‘enhance’ the person you are and those that disguise your faults.

TODAY’S TIP: We all tell occasional little white fibs - recent social psychological research shows we tell on average a couple dozen a day.

If you're truly looking for love, though, you want the person to love you as you are - so you shouldn't make up stories that you've done this or that, that you earn more than you do, that your life is always a bowl of cherries.

Be true to yourself, do put your best foot forward, but draw the line on too many fibs!

Happy Wednesday, Pamx

Are your insecurities keeping you in your relationship?

20/11/2012

There are so many reasons why we stay in relationships when it's not worth it anymore. They've come to a natural ending on the one hand or they're destructive and dysfunctional in the worst-case scenario.

Sometimes people stay because of their own insecurities even when it's obvious things should change.

I've tackled this issue of insecurities in my weekly Love Clinic on iVillage UK - one woman got in touch about whether to leave a relationship or not. And it seems to me that her insecurities are keeping her in it. Please check it out if you think this applies to you.

TODAY’S TIP: one way of knowing if you're staying with someone for the wrong reasons is worrying you won't find someone and they will. This is the ultimate insecurity - it's not about staying with someone because you think there's something worth fighting for.

It's usually about being fearful of being single, not thinking your ‘good enough’ for anyone else to want you, and wanting to hang on to someone even when you don't really love them.

If that rings a bell you know it's time to do serious thinking about the relationship plus work on your sense of security.

Take care, Pamx

Family time doesn't have to be stressful...

19/11/2012

We had some family visiting over the weekend and for some people that would be a nightmare but I've learnt a couple key things about getting on in families. These are a few "principles" getting on with family...

*Not to expect that you'll think the same way about things despite being connected by blood.

*To take rivalry out of discussions.

*To stop comparing yourselves.

*To remember you don't choose your family the way you do choose your friends so there's bound to be differences.

You can always e-mail me with your family "principle" that helps you get along rather than fall out.

I've just posted on my homepage under "hot off the press" a piece about healing family rifts before Christmas - I hope some of the tips help if there's been problems in your family during the last year.

TODAY’S TIP: Try to imagine the person in your family who rubs you the wrong way as someone you have to get along with - as you would at work. Think about how you'd handle that workmate who annoyed you - you'd probably still be respectful and tactful because it's a work and that helps you get on with this person better.

So try your hardest to apply that to your relation and maybe you'll get a good response back.

Happy Monday and fingers crossed, Pamx

A brief thought about confidence...

16/11/2012

What makes your confidence zoom up or down?

Working on a new confidence-boosting project [that I can't say much about] has got me thinking about the things that affect our confidence the most.  Looking at the e-mails I get and the people I speak to a few things strike me:

Over the long-term our confidence ‘quotient’ -CQ - is set early in childhood - our parents have a profound affect on our confidence and in a sense can actually "teach" us confidence - or a lack of it - depending on the way they nurture us or not.

Part of this might be genetic too.

And in the short term our confidence gets boosted or knocked by a few key sources: our partner if we have one, what happens at work, and friends who can lift us up or sometimes bring your confidence down, e.g., if theymake us feel excluded.

TODAY’S TIP: The starting point for boosting your confidence is to think about the long-term - what you began with, within your family.

And either using that as a source of support now - because your family were nurturing - or being determined to rise above that if your family environment wasn't nurturing.

If we go back to our roots we can discover so much about how we handle situations that are thrown at us in the here and now.

Have a lovely weekend and and I hope you can spend time with those people who boost your self-esteem.

I'll be back here on Monday and tweeting a few tips over the weekend.

Look after yourself, Pamx

When the reality of a threesome isn't as good as the fantasy...

15/11/2012

Thursday has flown around again and it's National Agony Aunt Day - thanks for all your e-mails - I wish I could answer them all!

Today I'm answering Cheryl's dilemma about what happened when she and her boyfriend Daniel had a threesome. Check it out at "e-mail me here" on my homepage.

TODAY’S TIP: A word of warning about threesomes - so often people have hot sex when they chat about their fantasies of adding a third person into their sex life.

When you're talking about it as a sexy fantasy it is terribly exciting for many couples. But the reality can be fraught with problems so do make sure that both of you equally want to experiment with one when you start talking about.

Never ever be pressured into doing something you don't want to!

Be confident and take care, Pamx

How much time do you two spend arguing?

14/11/2012

I was so touched seeing the lovely story of the couple that have been married 70 years [!] ... But as I read more about them I was surprised to find they claim to have argued every day and that their arguing kept them together.

So Angela, Spence and I decided to discuss arguing in relationships in my weekly Heart FM North West and Wales agony slot with them [they are the delightful duo - or should that be dastardly??]. We're chatting at 8:20 AM - listen in if you have a moment - it's always fun chatting to them.

TODAY’S TIP: the most important point about couples who argue a lot is do they actually change the issues they disagree on - or do they keep spinning around and around on the same things?

If you don't make progress you can bet you're probably headed for a breakup.

Those couples that argue, sort something out and maybe argue again about the next issue can be hard to understand. You assume that much arguing and it's going to end in tears. That's not necessarily the case because some couples love that buzz they get off arguing... and make progress on the issues they disagree on.

But it does boil down to making sure you actually deal with the issue, put it aside, make up and fingers crossed the next issue doesn't come up too quickly!

On a different note as one escort in the newspapers claims that both sex and money drove her on in her "successful" business in today's Express a number of "talking heads" disclose which we think is more important...check the bottom of page 21 for my answer :-)

Look after yourself, Pamx

Is it possible to have too much foreplay?

13/11/2012

So often women complain that they don't get enough foreplay from their partner. They'd do anything to up their ‘quotient’ of foreplay-action to give them a better chance at reaching climax.

I've tackled the opposite issue - having too much foreplay - in my Love Clinic at iVillage UK today. The reason I've tackled this issue is because one woman got in touch about her boyfriend's incessant demand to give her loads of foreplay every time they have sex. There's never a quickie, there's never even a semi-quickie ... it's always a full on 40 minutes of foreplay before full sex commences.

Yes, many women will be eating their hearts out, but this isn't the first I've had women [and sometimes men] anxious about this situation... quite frankly so much foreplay can be exhausting!

TODAY’S TIP: if your partner insists on foreplay that seems to gone for ever and makes you feel exhausted by it then actively try to 'set up' a situation where you two have to have quicker sex. For instance, when you know that one of you has to go out to a meeting in 30 minutes, that's the time to initiate a quickie.

 

This shows them how much fun something quicker can be.

If they don't start getting the hint that sometimes you want faster foreplay then you'll have to tactfully and sensitively bring up this conversation.

Good luck with it, Pamx

I'm glad I've struck a chord with many parents on soundbite parenting....

12/11/2012

I hope you had a wonderful weekend and managed to fit in some R & R! I saw Argo Sunday evening and Ben Affleck told a gripping story and directed a fantastic cast including himself. Definitely recommend it for a taut and tense evening at the cinema.

But going back to Friday it was lovely talking to Vanessa Feltz on Friday on her BBC radio London programme about soundbite parenting and I've now had a surprising numbers of e-mails about it.

I'm glad have struck a chord with parents [like myself] who need to think about having actual conversations with their children. It's far too easy to have their soundbites as I explained in the Telegraph newspaper last week.

TODAY’S TIP: one of the easiest ways to make sure you get a conversation in is to have one over a meal! We don't share enough meals as families anymore so make sure you all sit down and talk about what you've been up to.

Even if you've got teens in your family you should have a couple meals together a week minimum. No matter how much they're naturally pulling away from you as parents they still need you.

We forget the ‘basics’ of relationships and communication when we’re torn in so many directions 24/7 the way we live.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Some suggestions to prevent affairs, prevention is better than cure...

09/11/2012

There is so much cheating going on - surveys vary but on the whole find around 30% of women cheat in a relationship and 40% of men do.  I imagine if you personally haven't experienced the heartbreak you certainly have had a friend who has.

I tackle preventing affairs in my Sun newspaper online Sex and Love Academy today. I hope some tips strengthen your love and keep things fresh between you.

TODAY’S TIP: if you're feeling tempted why don't you confide in a friend? Sometimes telling a third-party that you’re on a slippery slope to straying actually stops you from doing it.

If they're a good friend of probably try and talk you out of it and hopefully give you a few reasons why should try and save your relationship. Because otherwise why don't you just leave the relationship and be a free agent?

The reason why people cheat vary hugely [I missed the top 10 in my Sun article] but the fact they don't leave their partner means they want both - the relationship and the fling.

Think carefully and look after each other.

Have a lovely weekend, I'm back Monday but will tweet a few tips over the weekend, Pamx

His mother has moved in and the sex has gone...

08/11/2012

It's Thursday so that means it's National Agony Aunt Day - you know I like to call it that! I've answered Carla's question about her live-in partner’s mother moving in with them. There have been some surprising results - his interest in sex has plummeted.

TODAY’S TIP: the presence of an important person in your life can affect the way you live your life especially when it comes to your relationships.

If you have a relation move in with you don't be surprised if as a couple the dynamic changes between you. You need to talk about it so that you both understand why things might be changing.

Take care, Pamx

Go-bama! Looking for love before Christmas? Is neglect killing your relationship?

07/11/2012

Oh-bama, Oh happy day...  love this!

Now I hear far too many relationships that slowly die off because they're strangled of love and affection. Neglect sets in and people forget why they are even together. I've tackled that this week in my Love Clinic on iVillage UK.

If you want to stay in your relationship or marriage make a daily effort to be kind and loving to each other!

Just after 8.00 this morning I’m chatting to the lovely Angela and Spence - the breakfast show team at Heart FM radio Northwest and Wales. With Christmas only seven weeks away we're talking about tips for singles to find love hopefully in time for Christmas.

TODAY’S TIP: the first tip I'd give if you're looking for love now is cast your net wide - or ‘widen your circle of opportunity’ as I call it. The more new places you go to, the more new faces you see. I've said it before and it's an absolute truth of finding love.

Go on, try somewhere new and drop me an e-mail if you meet someone.

Fingers crossed for you, Pamx

More on soundbite parenting -are you one? Some surprising types of bullying in offices...

06/11/2012

At 10:10 AM this morning I'm talking to Ingrid who presents the morning programme today at BBC radio Newcastle about soundbite parenting. I mentioned this yesterday on my little blog. It's something all of us parents need to be aware of! Do listen in online to our discussion as she's also going to have other guests over the hour.

As it's anti-bullying week [and month in some quarters] I've written an article about five types of bullying personalities/profiles you might come across in the office. Do check my MSN UK article because it's surprising the sorts of behaviours you might come across. 

As with any bullying if you can try and put your foot down right from the start you have a better chance of showing the person you won't tolerate it.

The thing is bullying can be quite subtle - and if you checkout these different profiles it might open your eyes to the sorts of things people come across in don't quite know how to handle. Basically it's bullying just in a different disguise!

TODAY’S TIP: Definitely don't turn a blind eye to anyone else who might be bullied in your office by another colleague. We all need to take responsibility for standing up to bullies.

Someone once tried to bully me in an office and I just kept telling them they couldn't talk to me in that way. Eventually they got the message.

But if you're feeling fragile you don't have to take this on your own so definitely get help where you can - friendly colleagues, family, friends and of course reporting the bully.

Happy Tuesday, Pamx

Parents beware of the 'soundbite', why some women cheat, and ring me tonight...

05/11/2012

In today's Telegraph newspaper I've commented on what I call soundbite parenting - parents speaking in clipped, short 'bites' to their children and I worry about the increasing rarity of more meaningful conversations in families.

This surely must play into our quite appalling mental health figures for children - with the Mental Health Foundation funding 20% of children in a given year report anxiety and depression.

Onto betrayal...if you've thought about cheating or have cheated there may be one of 1000 reasons why you did. I've written an article about some the reasons why women cheat based on an MSN UK poll. Of course they're all sorts of reasons and here's the link for you to check some of the main things that came out of the survey.

Tonight is my regular agony aunt slot on Sue Marchant's BBC Eastern regions show. We'll be chatting from 715 about any issue that effects you.

So why not get in touch at 7pm tonight by texting your dilemma to 81333. As it's Sue’s show begin your text with Sue followed by your dilemma.

You can also listen live at BBC radio Cambridgeshire and ring Sue and me to chat on 0845 30 50 007.

TODAY’S TIP: Whatever your dilemma one of the best first steps to take is to sit down and put pen to paper and ‘think in ink’. Make some notes about what's happening - your feelings about it, the other person's feelings, the things that have been said.

Reading it at yourself you might identify another way of trying to solve this problem. Good luck with it and happy Monday, Pamx

Watch out bully boys and girls here we come...

02/11/2012

National bullying month commences on 5th November - It's a full month reflecting the magnitude of this problem. Yes our awareness of bullying has increased but it also seems to have exploded. Part of this is people being more stressed - I'm convinced of that. And I think too many people feel anger that they left out in the wrong ways - like through bullying.

I've written an article on MSN UK about some of the bullying profiles to watch out for in colleagues and bosses. I'll put the link up here when it goes live.

TODAY’S TIP: the crucial tips I want to offer is... that you never have to put up with bullying! There should always be a solution where you work - even if it's a small company you can still get some advice from the National Bullying Helpline 0845-22-55-787.

Don't tolerate it for yourself or when you see others subjected to it. We can make a difference if we all have a zero tolerance approach.

Have a fantastic weekend, I'm back here Monday, I'll be tweeting a few tips before then, Pamx

Oh dear, one partner's turn on is another's turn off...

01/11/2012

Haven't we all been there - been with a partner that did something that turned us off? Or sometimes we’re with a partner who does one thing that puts us off ...but other things that turn us on. That's the dilemma I've chosen for ‘agony aunt day’ today.

A woman calling herself Cindy has got in touch about the way her partner turns her off before sex - not what any of us want to do!

TODAY’S TIP: Always start afresh when you're with a new partner - don't assume that something that your ex loved is going to be loved by your new partner.

The greatest lovers are those who treat each new partner like an adventure - they're going to start on adventure and don't know what's around each corner.

Thanks as always for all your e-mails, happy Thursday, Pamx

Has your partner teased you about a phobia?

31/10/2012

I've worked with many people who have phobias and one stumbling block is when their partner thinks their phobia is a joke. What seems ridiculous to one person causes huge anxiety in another so it's critical for a partner should always be supportive.

I'm chatting about this with Angela and Spence on the Heart radio North West and Wales breakfast show just after 8 AM.

TODAY’S TIP: The starting point is for a couple to work together on the phobia that upsets one of the partners.

Doing it together is crucial as often phobias affect the person within the home, e.g., fear of spiders. Or even if they affect a person's functioning outside the home they need to know they're well supported at home. This gives them a secure base to overcome their phobia from.

So resist teasing your partner if they have a phobia! Don't chase them around the room with a spider or any other undermining behaviour like that. It'll only make their phobia worse.

Take care of each other, Pamx

 

Are you a single parent that's dating?

30/10/2012

After my divorce I remember how tough it was getting back into the dating scene - not a barrel of laughs when you're worried about doing the right thing by your children and wanting to make sure you bring someone very special in their life as a potential step-parent.

After dating a few frogs I thankfully lucked out and met some wonderful. In my weekly Love Clinic on iVillage UK I've tackled one woman's dilemma about being a single mother and the man she's met recently... he's not behaving exactly like he should do. Check my advice if you're in this situation.

TODAY’S TIP: the biggest tip that I've got is never rush into anything when you're a single parent. The risk is you're lonely and you want to feel some arms around you and don't think of the impact it may have on your children.

Take your time introducing someone new to them - if you get attached to someone they're bound to. Sometimes it's an even harder wrench for your children when you decide the person isn't right for you. Your child's left thinking, "well they were right for me!"

Take it slow and sure.

Happy dating, Pamx

Was your weekend full of woe?

29/10/2012

It's always the case on Monday morning when I check my e-mails that so many people have had a woeful weekend... now in some of these cases there are things beyond a person's control that happened - they've got burgled, had a car accident, etc., had a family member fall ill, and they're upset.

In some of the other cases they're stuck in negative patterns of behaviour - that lead to a sort of "poor, poor me" feeling and have sometimes stopped trying to change things.

When bad things happen to you the best you can do is react to them by sorting them out with whatever action you need to. Yes it's stressful, yes it's a pain in the 'proverbial', but taking an attitude that you will get through it - and one day it'll be a distant memory and even a funny story to tell - works far better than a woeful one.

But how about when your woeful weekend is because you're allowing your partner to be neglectful [and that hurts], or your friends take advantage of you, or you have the same fallings out with your family? Well then, it's time to take charge.

TODAY’S TIP: take one thing you want to change most and try this: examine it like you're examining something you are can invest in, e.g., a kitchen appliance or something.

Yes, that's right examine it as if it was something you were going to purchase that required quite a bit of investment - sounds odd I know!

So you examine this thing you want to change and you consider its best qualities and you look at its drawbacks - as you would if it was a new, e.g., refrigerator you're researching before you buy.

Taking a step back and taking the 'emotion' out of trying to change something is incredibly helpful. Treating it like it's an 'investment' [an emotional investment] can sometimes clarify what aspect of it really needs changing - and what aspect is fine and doesn't need overanalyzing.

Good luck with preparing for next weekend so it isn't a woeful one!

Happy Monday, Pamx

For voluptuous women who want more loving...

26/10/2012

As an agony aunt I hear from many curvier, larger ladies who worry about what they'll look like in the bedroom. This means they don't let go to enjoy a full and satisfying sex life. And certainly tend to stick to the Missionary position because they can slip under the sheets and let him slip on top and they don't worry about their body showing.

In my Sun newspaper online column - My Sex and Love Academy I've tackled this today - take a look with this link.

TODAY’S TIP: this all boils down to basic self belief - that you're worth more than your body shape! And as well as developing self acceptance it's interesting that many surveys find men prefer a curvier woman.

Ultimately it's got to be the woman deciding that she feels good within her own skin and she's going to try new things in the bedroom to keep her sex life spicy... But if knowing the man in her life quite likes her curves helps, then let it help!

I'm back from Monday and will tweet a few tips over the weekend but have a good one, Pamx

It's agony aunt day and I've tackled erectile dysfunction...

25/10/2012

In today's Sun newspaper I've written a few tips on being less 'stressy' and a bit sunnier natured. I mentioned recently about the actress Kristen Stewart owning up to having some bad moods - don't we all? I hope a couple of the tips help.

It's frightening how quickly Thursdays come around. It's "National Agony Aunt Day" on my site - thanks for all your e-mails to my homepage at "e-mail me here". As ever, I'd love to answer them all but that's impossible.

Today I've answered Charlotte's about her partner Patrick's erectile difficulties. Do take a look at my advice if you are a man struggling with this - or a partner like Charlotte concerned by it.

TODAY’S TIP: My best tip is to remember there are plenty of things that affect a man's erection - from physical/medical problems to the side effects of medication, too much alcohol, smoking, diet, stress, unhappiness in the relationship, and even boredom.

You need to honestly think through the areas of your life that may be affecting your erection.

Good luck with this, Pamx

Taking it out on your nearest and dearest. Inside the minds of Internet trolls...

23/10/2012

In today's Express newspaper I've written commentary about what goes on inside the minds of the ghastly and cruel Internet trolls who plague so many people. My comments on the complexities of their manipulative and insecure personalities are at the bottom of this article.

Over to our nearest and dearest...haven't we all caught ourselves biting the head off someone we love? Does nearest and dearest moments are all too familiar... simply because someone is so close to us they are often around when we're under stress. Subconsciously we think we can probably get away with it.

I tackled this dilemma today in my Love Clinic on iVillage UK  - please check out my tips if you're doing this.

TODAY’S TIP: The starting point for changing this behaviour is recognising that this is like the drip, drip, drip of water torture that slowly eats away at your love.

This is a type of neglect and in the case in my Love Clinic it's bordering on emotional abuse it's so serious.

Try to pull yourself up when you start taking stress out on those you love. Be aware of a tendency to do this.

Good luck, Pamx

Healing from your heartbreak! Do you need to turn down the volume on your stressy-ness?

22/10/2012

Some people complain about celebrities who open up about personal heartache but personally I think it's a good thing as long as they're not harming others because of them being in the limelight. Myleene Klass has opened up six months on from her marriage falling apart about the agony of it all.

So my article on this has gone live on MSN Her channel - there are tips for healing from the pain of a breakup. If you're going through this I hope my tips help in a small way. 

We all know that stress causes many problems including things like headaches, stomach trouble, even heart problems. But what about how your stress impacts on those around you? Do people cower or run for cover when you come by? I hope it's not that bad!

But seeing last week how the Hollywood actress Kristen Stewart owned up to being a bit of a monster at times I decided to write some top tips about this and I'm hoping it goes live soon so that I can put a live link here.

TODAY’S TIP: The starting point for toning down your more aggressive side is to sit back and visualise what you actually sound like. Think through the last time you get someone's head off, can you picture what you look like? Can you imagine how they might've felt on the receiving end?

Sometimes if you can force yourself to face the reality of your behaviour it helps your determination to change it.

It's never too late to try so start being mindful of how you appear to others to help you change your own behaviour.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Are you feeling panicked? Panic attacks are rife...

19/10/2012

Panic attacks are far too common and research shows they’re striking more people. It also shows that what starts as general anxiety often leads to an acute panic attack. We are under intense pressure with the recession and also having so many expectations on our lives - we are pulled in many directions 24/7.

But normally people assume panic happens before, e.g., a big event - you know, when you're very nervous about something like a presentation. That's not the case as X Factor hopeful James Arthur has found. James had a terrible panic attack after he came off stage last Saturday night.

Because of his experience I've written an article about panic attacks for MSN UK - take a look here.

TODAY’S TIP: The starting point for anyone who feels they have too much anxiety and may be headed for a panic attack - or for someone who already has panic attacks - is to start understanding how your mental stress builds up to create the physical sensations of panic. And pretty terrific they are!

You need to start identifying what is causing you stress, what you can do to manage it better, and to learn relaxation techniques.

Check back for my article - that should be going live today or a day very soon.

I'll be back on Monday and in the meantime I'll be tweeting some tips over the weekend, have a good one, Pamx

Sibling rivalry has many different sides...

18/10/2012

Sibling rivalry is as old as ancient Greek mythology, Shakespeare and the writings of Sigmund Freud. If you have a brother or sister you've probably experienced it in some shape or form. As it's "National Agony Aunt Day" [as I call it] I've tackled one woman's e-mail about her issues with her sister - she's called herself Allison.

Thank you for all your e-mails - I wish I could answer all of them but I try and be fair by choosing one each week that helps cover a variety of topics.

Check it out on my homepage at "e-mail me here" if you've got trouble with a sister.

TODAY’S TIP: when we get caught up in the emotions of feeling rivalry towards a brother or sister it's easy to forget that unlike the friends we choose - because we get along with them - you're thrown together as siblings.

Yes you should expect to be treated well by brothers and sisters but you can't expect to see things eye to eye.

Cherish your siblings, Pamx

Is your relationship sealed with a kiss?

17/10/2012

As a survey out this week finds that something like 80% of couples in long-term relationships stop giving each other goodnight kisses I'm concerned!

So at 8:20 AM I'm joining the lovely breakfast show team Angela and Spence at Heart Northwest and Wales for my regular agony slot to discuss the small ways you can keep your relationship on track.

Such little gestures signal the fact that you two are still a unit, a team against the world, in it together. Never underestimate how such small gestures hold a lot of power.

TODAY’S TIP: if you two have stopped kissing each other goodnight - and just mumble something vaguely in each other's direction - change that tonight. Reach out and begin with a kiss on the cheek. Hopefully in a night or two you’ll be back to a lovely little kiss on the lips.

Never forget to tell your partner what they mean to you and that you love them - and on a regular basis.

Happy loving, Pamx

Has an ex of yours ended up going out with a friend of yours? When friends and exes mix!

16/10/2012

Isn't it the way with love that it gets complicated? And it certainly gets complicated when a friend of yours ends up meeting and falling for an ex of yours.

These complications can be embarrassing on the one hand - but very painful on the other. In my Love Clinic today on iVillage UK I've tackled this dilemma.

TODAY’S TIP: the very first thing you need to do if faced with this situation [before it potentially explodes in your face] is to pick through your many conflicting and competing emotions.

A starting point for this is thinking about who is most important to you - your friend or your ex? Who deserves your loyalty? In most cases I think it's probably your friend but that's not always true.

Once you identify the person who's most important to your life today you'll be able to start sifting through your different emotions - for instance, any guilt you feel, anger, bitterness, jealousy, etc. - deciding which are much most important and how to deal with them in terms of the most significant person to you in all these.

If you're going through this definitely check out my article later.

Loved the screening of new film The Sessions last night - stars William H. Macy, Helen Hunt and John Hawkes - and is the incredibly moving, touching and tear jerking story of Mark O'Brien paralyzed lately by polio and his search for love and sexual contact. I fear this small film will be seen by enough people!

Take care, Pamx

Are things moving super fast in a new relationship?

15/10/2012

Isn't heaven being a new relationship when you're both into each other and it seems like you've met ‘the one’... even if it's only been a short time?

Some whirlwind relationships worked out the most crash and burn because you jump into living together or getting married and only then discover you don't share as much as you thought.

Seeing Kim Kardashian credited as saying she'd like a small intimate ceremony next time she gets married about the do's and don'ts of whirlwind relationships. Here's a link to my article on MSN Her Channel

TODAY’S TIP: it can be a powerful and potent mix of feelings that drive you into quick decisions in this type of relationship.

But I'd ask you to think of this one fact: if it's meant to be, what's the rush? Why do you have to move so quickly? Face that tough question together and you stand a chance of it working out.

Happy Monday, Pamx

The chemistry of sexual attraction applies to your life...

12/10/2012

It's pretty miraculous when you think about how you might feel a strong attraction to someone in a very short time. And we all know how wonderful that feeling is. It's fascinating that research is discovering more and more of the things that attract us in another person.

In my Sun newspaper online column today I've written about a few of the recent revelations from the science of attraction. There are some tips to go with them put them into action.

TODAY’S TIP: for a single this can boost your chances to attract someone that you're attracted to!

One thing to focus on is to emphasize the attributes research has found to be crucial when we first set eyes on someone. For a woman that's a smaller waist - easily done with tricks of fashion to make even a larger waist look slimmer. And for a man it's broader shoulders - again the right choice of shirt or sweater can make all the difference.

Sending out the signals of sexual health and youthfulness go right into our psyches - we automatically find such signals attractive.

Have fun experimenting and have a lovely weekend. I'll be back here Monday and tweeting a few tips over the weekend.

Take care, Pamx

Has your partner's father hit on you? Putting a stop to lecherous behaviour...

11/10/2012

I hear all sorts as an agony aunt and life coach - and one of the creepiest situations is when a partner’s parent oversteps the mark in flirting with you.

It's National Agony Aunt Day and today I've answered Jane's dilemma about this very issue. If this resonates with your experience do take a look on my homepage at "e-mail me here".

TODAY’S TIP: if any creepy relative - including a partner's parent - makes sexualized remarks to you - set your boundaries immediately!

Let them know in the strongest terms they should never make such comments to you again.

That usually does the trick!

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Going back with your ex and the cheating game...

10/10/2012

Just after 8.00 this morning I'm chatting to that lovely duo Angela and Spence - the breakfast show hosts over at Heart FM Northwest in Wales about going back with your ex. I know one thing on their mind is how people feel when they go back and it's not working out... there's lots to chat about!

Now in my line of work I speak to many people who have cheated - as well as those who have resisted temptation.

There are many reasons why people cheat and just as many why they don't. But a heartwarming statistic came out of an MSN UK survey that I've written about - many of those who choose not cheat stay faithful for one clear reason: they believe the person they love deserves better!

My article covers lots of issues involved in infidelity and I'll post a live link later when it goes up on the MSN site.

TODAY’S TIP: the best tip I can give about this topic? Think very carefully before you embark on an affair. Close your eyes and imagine how you would feel if your partner cheated on you - devastated I'm sure.

Let that thought guide your decision.

Be wise, Pamx

Partner lost their job and now completely relying on you?

09/10/2012

 

Not only has the recession meant many people cutting their budgets because they're not getting rises as usual or because they've had their hours cut - but when it comes to job-loss it means it can impact severely on a relationship.

In my Love Clinic on iVillage UK today I've tackled one woman's dilemma - she's feeling incredibly frustrated with her partner who seems to have given up looking for job and is now reliant on her.

She works hard and supports them both and he seems quite content relying on her. As you can imagine anyone who's hard-working finds this very frustrating and also such lack of motivation is a very unattractive trait in a person.

When it goes live later on today I will post a link here.

TODAY’S TIP: If your the partner who's carrying the load you have to face your frustrations with honesty. Some people think it's better to bite their tongue and just wait and hope their out of work partner will suddenly get motivated to find a job - but they leave themselves open for developing a simmering bitterness.

And if that simmering anger erupts it's not a pretty sight and certainly not helpful to sorting out this terribly important issue.

Get the courage to discuss it.

Look after yourselves, Pamx

The signs your relationship turning into an abusive one...

08/10/2012

I forgot earlier to post this - here's the article I promised a few days ago - if you have ANY worry your new relationship is slipping into abusive territory please read my MSN Her channel article for the signs to watch for and advice. Please don't allow things to continue! Be strong, Pamx

The saddest loss of all...

08/10/2012

With the absolutely tragic story of little five year old April Jones missing in Wales in the news it brings up haunting memories for other families who have lost loved ones.

This is such a ghastly story I simply can't imagine as a mother myself how April's parents and family are coping. Thank goodness they have a close community because they will need support for a very long time indeed.

Over the weekend I had a couple e-mails about loss - one from a man [now grown-up] who lost his sister tragically in their childhood and another from an extended family member worried about parents who lost a child a few years ago. These are such touching stories and I think for trusting me with their stories and getting in touch.

With such enormous tragedies it's about getting through one day at a time. And most importantly getting as much help and support as you want each and every day.

People have told me how it is so bleak and dark and really scary - it's like being a nightmare you can't wake up from. I wish everyone going through loss the very best in managing your unique situation.

TODAY’S TIP: The only tip I can offer is to make sure you get help of some sort -whether it's through other family and friends or through a bereavement organization like Cruse. Their help line number is 0844-477-9400.

Please get the help you need!

With the very best and warmest wishes, Pamx

Thinking of going back with an ex-partner?

05/10/2012

Haven't we all been there - thought about going back with the ex, mulled it over maybe even obsessed about it. What can we do differently? What could they do differently? What would make it work?

I've written an article for Female First website on this issue covering some of the reasons of why we go back.

I have so many e-mails about this topic I just wanted to make a crucial comment - it's only ever going to work out when you go back a second time if both  of you are committed to changing whatever went wrong.

It's so easy to think that they'll change - well maybe you need to change too!

TODAY’S TIP: So when you two are getting cozy, maybe even having ex-sex that clouds your judgment, put it on the table - have you both changed over the issues that broke you up?

I'm a romantic at heart and love a happy ending so I hope if you do get back together it works this time.

I'm back on Monday but over the weekend will tweet a few tips.

Have a great one, Pamx

Men who can't commit, and feeling neglected in the bedroom?

04/10/2012

Looking for more than a fling and would like some commitment? In today's Sun newspaper I've given 10 top tips for you to check out if you're with a man who seems unable to deepen your relationship. He may have commitment issues - hope the tips help! Will put up a live link later.

Now, having been away I haven't done my "National Agony Day" for a few weeks so today it's great to get back into the routine. Thank you for all your e-mails - you can e-mail me on my homepage and I choose one week on a Thursday.

I've chosen one from a woman who is called herself Susan because it's such a common problem of feeling neglected in the bedroom. She's called her husband David and I hope if you're coupled-up you'll check out the advice to prevent either of you feeling neglected.

TODAY’S TIP: Discussing their issue outside of the bedroom in a calm way is the best way forward. It's important to recognise that sometimes even if it's about sex - chatting about it in the bedroom can leave a stressful or overemotional tone in the very place you want to feel sensual.

Take care of your relationship if you're in one, Pamx

 

 

Could you be slipping into an abusive relationship? And breaking up by text...

03/10/2012

Was lovely to do my regular agony slot on Sue Marchant's BBC Eastern regions show last night - though due to the football we were only talking to people in Norfolk. We covered everything from relationships to seasonal affective disorder.

This morning chatting to Angela and Spence Heart FM North West and Wales at 750 AM about breaking up by text message - the short of it? They should only happen if you only met up a couple times - otherwise be brave and do it in person - give them some dignity!

Now, I hear about abuse in relationships from so many people - physical, emotional, sexual, or a combination of those.

If only people could arm themselves with the signs to watch out for that the new person in their life may be abusive - and many of these relationships would end before the abuse starts.

Today on MSN UK I've written an article about the signs to watch out for that the new person in your life might be a potential abuser. When it goes live later I'll post a link here.

TODAY’S TIP: as with so many of life's dilemmas listen to your gut reaction - if it tells you that new person is treating you in a suspect way - then believe it!

And if they treat you in a way that you wouldn't treat them - you need to seriously pull them up firmly on their behaviour.

Or if it's more serious get out of the relationship before you are harmed.

Please look after yourself and contact the National Domestic Violence helpline 0808-2000-247.

Good luck, Pamx

Does your partner have surprising bedroom habits? And honesty with your children...

02/10/2012

Sometimes a person can seem one way when you meet them - maybe shy, kind, funny - but once you two sleep together you discover they have a different bedroom-personality.

Such discoveries can rock new relationships - it can turn a person right off.

I've covered this in my Love Clinic on iVillage UK today as one woman got in touch about her loving fiancé who goes all "50 shades of grey" in the bedroom.

 

On another topic in today's Sun newspaper I've commented on a story where a father has become the mother figure to his two children through cross-dressing and hormonal treatment. As with any potentially difficult, traumatic or sensitive family situation the key thing with Carla's story is her honesty with her two children - it made their adjustment to the new situation much easier. A lesson for parents that hiding things that will inevitably affect your children [anything from divorce to job loss and other such issues] is far more damaging than giving them the information they are bound to need.

TODAY’S TIP: Back to my Love Clinic - in my reply I made it clear that if you're sleeping with someone [and definitely definitely if you're engaged to them] you should be able to discuss these things with them.

From my point of view if someone does something that shocks you in the bedroom I actually find it slightly shocking you can't stop it and discuss it.

Don't forget it's your relationship too - and it's also your sex life and body - check out the advice in my article if you're going through this.

Happy Tuesday, Pamx

Falling for a man who might be a womaniser?

01/10/2012

A rather large majority of women have been out with - or had a fling with - a "bad boy" type womaniser as they can be irresistible with a certain charisma.

But you can come unstuck if you're expecting more than action-packed filled dates and maybe some sex that rocks - so I've written an article with lots of tips for MSN UK - do check it out if you're in this situation or attracted to someone like this.

TODAY’S TIP: The top tip is knowing that you're playing with fire! If you go into it hoping to conquer a man like this then you're likely to end up with a broken heart.

Knowledge is power when it comes to womanisers.

It's my birthday so I'm going to go have some fun - happy birthday to any other October 1 babies!

Take care, Pamx

Hoping for more than lust? Tips to give love a better chance! Also get playful with role-play...

28/09/2012

You might want a quick fling and that's your prerogative... as long as you play safe and let the other person know. But if you're looking for love recent research found you have a better chance of a full relationship developing if you don't rush the sex.

I tackled this in my online Sun newspaper column a fortnight ago and here's the link.

In today's Sun online column I've tackled role-play - how to go about it without worrying you have to pretend to be a pirate or some other character you feel embarrassed playing. Here's the link - time to get playful!

But back to trying to forge a new relationship and not rushing into sex - this is a big issue for lots of couples and I hear from so many as an agony aunt asking me why things fell apart so quickly when it seemed like it might be a good thing: e.g., why didn't their new relationship last?

 

Of course there could be lots of reasons but one reason might be because you jumped into bed when things felt really exciting but before you knew each other... Then you got to know each other a little bit more outside the bedroom but didn't know how to handle each other's issues - because everyone has issues!

TODAY’S TIP: Check out my column for lots of tips but definitely let the person know you're not looking to jump straight into bed as you want more.

This is all about confidence, you've got to have the self confidence to set your boundaries. If you know what you want you have to let them know!

Good luck with your new relationship.

I'll tweet some tips over the weekend but otherwise I’m back here Monday, have a lovely one, Pamx

 

Someone gossiping about you?

10/09/2012

I've tackled the issue of gossip before in articles but want to mention it today as I had a couple recent e-mails into my agony aunt mailbag about this.

These e-mails were from people who were very distressed by gossip going around about them at work. Not only was the gossip untrue but it was spreading like wildfire.

My advice is always to go through the HR department in these extreme circumstances. But if you can - in less extreme circumstances - tackle the person who started the gossip first-hand. This can be far better for your confidence and clearing the air.

TODAY’S TIP: if you're tackling someone you have to be in control. If they're a gossip by nature they may also be quite manipulative and try and turn the conversation back on you.

Be prepared - super prepared for this conversation! Have your facts straight, have them written down - for instance, who told you that you were being gossiped about and when it was drawn to your attention.

Don't be bullied by them into backing down. If you don't get a promise that they'll retract what they've said, and that they'll make sure the people they've gossiped to know that it wasn't true, then you’ll have to take it to your manager.

Sometimes these things are best sorted out face-to-face - but as I said in extreme cases it's best to go through HR.

If you're in this situation I'm sending you the best of luck - and I'm sending it to the people who e-mailed me about this.

Remember I appreciate all your e-mails [on my homepage at "e-mail me here"] but as I work full time I simply can't reply to them all as much as I'd love to.

I'm now off until September 28th in the States visiting family and on some business.

Back here on the 28th and wishing you a wonderful few weeks.

Look after yourself, Pamx

Do you sabotage or are you with someone who's sabotaging your relationship?

07/09/2012

Do you sometimes create a little 'mischief' in your relationships? Or maybe a lot of mischief? Do you test someone's commitment to you or maybe try and push them away?

It may be that you’re sabotaging your relationships because ultimately you fear intimacy. Intimacy means putting your heart on a plate and hoping that person looks after it carefully. Or maybe you're with someone who does unexpected things that jeopardise your plans and generally the vibe of your new relationship?

I've just posted a new article under "hot off the press" on my homepage about this.

TODAY’S TIP: if you're doing this, or you're with someone who's doing this, you need to face up to some honest conversations.

By facing up to these things you can sometimes take the fear and anxiety out of your worst worries - like the worry if you get close to someone they're going to automatically hurt you.

If you've been seeing someone for a while you don't want to sabotage the relationship it's time to start opening up this conversation.

Good luck with it! Have a lovely weekend, I'm back briefly on Monday before going away for tuna have weeks - I'll tweet a few tips over the weekend.

Happy weekend, Pamx

Are you heading for your first sexual relationship?

06/09/2012

It's National Agony Aunt Day as I call it - when I randomly choose one of the e-mails that come into me to answer. Thank you for all of your e-mails, I wish I had time to answer them all but as I've said before I work full time [and run my site on my own] and can only do one a week.

To get in touch go to my homepage and e-mail me at "e-mail me here" - look forward to hearing from you!

I haven't done one from a young person for a while so I've answered "Cathy's" question about feeling pressured to lose her virginity.

We can all remember what those experiences are like! Part of you wants to while the other part wants to hold back - the most important thing is doing so in your time and when you feel confident.

TODAY’S TIP: whether you're a young person heading for their first sexual relationship or you're a parent concerned about your teenager the most crucial thing is making sure your/their confidence is the highest it can be.

Confident teens make the best choices and hopefully won't be rushed.

This is never something to be entered into lightly - you, your emotional health and your sexual health count for so much!

Look after yourself, Pamx

Can't commit and having risky relationships? And facing empty nest syndrome...

05/09/2012

Today I've commented in the Sun newspaper about people who can't commit to relationships and have flings - they often have three key characteristics to their personality: 1/ a risk taking nature 2/ an impulsive nature 3/ the ability to compartmentalise different parts of their life. If that's you or your in a relationship with someone like this they must be honest and get some help.

Last night on my monthly agony aunt slot on Sue Marchant's BBC Eastern regions radio programme we covered lots of topics - including getting over breakups, getting creative in your life and another issue we covered was empty nest syndrome and how it's going to strike many families in the next couple weeks as grown-up children leave home to study or perhaps take a job.

This can be a terrible wrench - I've been there and really felt it for about three months until I adjusted to my youngest having flown the nest. It'll pass but it the time it doesn't feel like it.

TODAY’S TIP: You can prepare for empty nest now by making sure they have a prepaid mobile to keep in touch with you and all so looking at making time to do something stimulating and new for yourself.

The key thing is to support your children in growing into independent adults - even if you want to grab them, bring them home and keep them as your youngster forever!

You can also strengthen your relationship with your partner now that you don't have the responsibilities of your children 24/7. Some couples find they’ve drifted apart but whatever you do, don't let panic set in - you can build a bridge between you if this has happened.

Look after each other, Pamx

Time to face reality! And ring me tonight with your dilemma...

04/09/2012

Last night it was a lot of fun to discuss the celebrities’ behaviour in the Big Brother house with Emma Willis - she always manages to get to the heart of the issue whenever we speak.

It's Tuesday and that means my new Love Clinic column has gone live today on iVillage UK.

This week it's all about facing the reality of the situation? If you meet someone and they tell you they're not looking for a relationship do you live in hope? Hope is a good thing but not when facts are staring you in the face.

It can be incredibly hard to let go of hope when you really like someone as the woman who got in touch with me at iVillage. But if you don't let go of hope it stops you living fully and perhaps prevents you meeting someone who is looking for a relationship too.

 

Also tonight I'm doing my agony slot on Sue Marchant’s BBC Eastern Regions show at 7:30 PM - you can text your dilemma at 7pm to 81333. Begin your text with Sue followed by your dilemma and you can listen live at BBC Cambridgeshire. You can also ring tonight’s agony slot at 7PM to discuss your issue (you can change your name for anonymity) the number is 0845 30 50 007 - hope you get in touch

TODAY’S TIP: Back to doing a reality check when someone doesn't give you the answer you want in a romantic situation - or other situations. If you've asked the person once and you don't get the answer you're hoping for then leave it for a time - perhaps a few weeks.

By all means then recheck that's how they're still feeling a bit later down the line and if they still give you the same message it's time to get on board with it!

You only waste your time trying to change the situation. Life's too short to live constantly in hope.

Good luck with it, Pamx

Dilemmas and doing Big Brother's Bit on the Side tonight ...

03/09/2012

Hope you had a lovely weekend and had some time off!

So looking forward to getting back on the Big Brother spinoff programme tonight at 11 PM. As it's the first Monday of the month usually I do my regular agony slot on Sue Marchant’s BBC Eastern Regions radio show but we're going to do a swap - will keep you posted about when you can get in touch with Sue and me with your dilemmas.

Over the weekend I've had lots of e-mails about various dilemmas including getting children back to school or older parents of older children worrying about empty nest syndrome coming up in the next few weeks as their children go off to university.

Infidelity has also come up so but also another big topic over the weekend that's come into my e-mail bag is anxiety and how to deal with it...

TODAY’S TIP: why not start thinking in terms of what worry actually does for you... ask yourself this: the last time you worried did it solve your problem? Did it change the situation? Did it make a difference to the outcome?

The answer must be No! Worry doesn't change anything only action does as well as your response to things and how you put them into context or let them rule your life.

So from today why not start reminding yourself when you worry that actually it doesn't solve anything and it drains your energy to take real action.

Good luck with it!

Happy Monday, Pamx

Seeing someone new and worried about going to bed with them?

31/08/2012

It was fab to chat to Alice Levine last night about what's going on in the Big Brother house - we ran out of time - I was trying to gallop through when I realised we were running short.

But over to you and your relationships ... haven't we all been there? Come out one relationship and down the line start seeing someone else. There comes the time you decide you like each other enough to go to bed together - this might be a few dates for some or much longer for others. Whenever it is, it's easy to lose your bedroom-confidence.

I tackle this potentially daunting situation in my Sex and Love Academy online column in the Sun newspaper. Yes, there are those lucky, super-confident people who don't find sleeping with a new partner nerve-racking at all. [I'll put a live link in later when it goes live on their website]

But for most people there is some worry, anxiety or doubt - will I be any good? Will they be any good? I want this to be a fantastic experience, I hope I don't do anything embarrassing, etc., are common worries.

TODAY’S TIP: Check out my article for lots of tips but one of my top ones is to start as you mean to go on! Definitely let them know what feels good - so they do more of it. And equally move their hands or kisses or strokes away from what doesn't feel good - so they do less of it.

Otherwise you get into that situation where you're faking enjoyment - and that's no good to either of you.

Enjoy your new relationship!

I'll be tweeting a few tips over the weekend and back on Monday, have a good one, Pamx

 

Are you trying to be the perfect parent? Going on Big Brother's Bit On Side tonight!

30/08/2012

It's nearly the weekend and hope you're making plans! I'm so looking forward to being a guest on Big Brother's Bit on the Side with Emma Willis tonight... we have so much to discuss about the celebrities and last night's eviction of Rhian and alive nominations which now mean Danica, Coleen and Samantha are up.

Here are a few fun tips in today's Sun newspaper because research says Thursday is a hot day for couples - enjoy!

Okay, you know what happens on Thursday it's National Agony Aunt Day - today I've answered Kerry's question about motherhood and her expectations... she expects to be superwoman! Check out my advice to her that "e-mail me here" if you're feeling under pressure as a parent.

TODAY’S TIP: Whether you're a parent or someone else who puts themselves under enormous pressure to do everything just right - it's time to let go of little.

If I'm really honest I've got to ask you to consider the insecurities you may have that drive you to feel you have to be perfect. You don't! Live by this daily mantra:

no one's perfect, imperfections make us unique, I'm going to relax!

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Some incredible, touching stories...

29/08/2012

I had a lovely response to my iVillage UK article yesterday about getting into a new relationship after you've been bereaved. I had a number of touching e-mails from people like "Rebecca" who despite initial guilt ended up falling in love after a loss.

Guilt is such a normal reaction for the person left behind to feel when they get an inkling that they may be ready to relate again. They fight that feeling that’s in their gut that somehow they're betraying their loved one who has passed on.

They're not - and after an acceptable amount of time - and acceptable varies from social group social group - they should feel good about themselves that they can love again.

Whether you're brokenhearted from a breakup or brokenhearted from a bereavement remember life is to be lived and cherish your time.

TODAY’S TIP: if you feel you're ready to test the waters of a new relationship then believe this - that is a fantastic thing!

Never be ashamed of being ready to love again but if guilt persists discuss your feelings with that new person or a trusted friend.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Loved & lost & now entering a new relationship?

28/08/2012

It was great chatting first thing this morning to Angela and Spence at Heart FM radio North West and Wales about the aftermath of holiday romances. A lot people are returning from August vacations and things are very different when she back home.

Time to face the real work together when you've been living in the lovely ideal holiday situation. Good luck!

Now, have you loved and lost someone? I can't imagine what it's like to be bereaved especially when you're in the prime of your life. One woman got in touch with me at my Love Clinic on iVillage UK about her husband's passing away 18 months ago.

She's just re-connected with an old work colleague and romance is on the cards... Her big worry? She's very anxious about having sex with someone else. No surprises there - I'm sure this is an automatic response.

TODAY’S TIP: As an agony aunt I have to imagine what this must be like of course I've heard countless stories of getting into relationship after bereavement. Each one is different though, and each one brings different concerns.

My one piece of advice is always to slow it down if it's making you anxious. Anxiety in the sense is like your intuition. If it's building it probably means things are either going too fast or you simply need to have the conversation.

What's worse  - rising anxiety or actually having a conversation? I know I'd rather clear the air and make your worries known.

If you're in this situation good luck with letting that the person know how you're feeling deep inside.

Happy Tuesday, Pamx

 

Strange things might make your partner happy or unhappy...

24/08/2012

Hope you have a lovely week! Had a great time at the Edinburgh Festival for the last four days - saw a lot of comedy shows. Such a great way to boost those feel-good endorphins so get some comedy in your life this weekend.

Now, what makes one person happy is completely different to what makes another feel good. When you throw two people together as a couple it becomes even more complicated.

I thought I'd post a new article about one ankle to happiness within a relationship. Do check out Williams and Charlotte's story.

TODAY’S TIP: two people's needs must be met in a relationship and one of those needs is for happiness. No one is happy all the time - that would be ridiculous! But we strive for that sense of well-being that is essentially happiness - we strive to have more of that than unhappiness obviously.

Usually as a couple comes together they learn about each other's likes and dislikes and that's how hopefully both of them get a sense of well-being and happiness overall.

One of my favourite tips is to surprise your partner with happy little moments - he/she arrives home after a long day and you've put candles on the dinner table table, you post them their favourite chocolate bar to their office, you surprise them by asking them to a spontaneous lunch - and it's simply sandwiches you share in the park. The simple things make all the difference!

Have a lovely weekend - it's a 3-day weekend in the UK! So I'll be back on Tuesday but tweeting some tips over the weekend, best and warm wishes, Pamx

Ready for some change?

20/08/2012

Had a blast going on Big Brother's Bit on the Side last night to talk about the celebrity Big Brother housemates - the team are fantastic and it was the first time I met Alice Levine who is such a funny, smart presenter. There's never enough time and it always feel so rushed trying to get a point across. Human behaviour is incredibly complex and it's difficult trying to make sense in a few sentences - but lots of fun trying!

A quick word on change as I've had so many e-mails about it - change can be daunting but it can also shake up your life in positive ways when you make even small changes. There's still plenty of summer left and I think it's the perfect time of year to take up something new, try a new sport, join an evening class, plan that small trip you want to take, etc.

I'm off to the Edinburgh Festival so it will be all quiet here till Friday. Love going up Scotland and the vibe of Edinburgh as a city. It feels fantastic to have new surroundings and I'm looking forward to seeing lots of comedy.

TODAY’S TIP: one of the best ways to boost your feel-good endorphins is through laughter - research shows even a five minute burst of laughing at your favourite funny film, sitcom, standup comedian, etc., produces those important brain chemicals.

Try to get some comedy into your life this week - or at least meet up with friends and share a few laughs. It's the simple things that can make all the difference to your well-being.

Take care of yourself until Friday, I'll still be tweeting a few occasional tips, best Pamx

Are you relaxing?

19/08/2012

It's Sunday and I'm hoping you're feeling relaxed and not just surrounded by chores from the week to get done. Self-care is crucial

My day's dominated by Big Brother - catching up on the shows - soooo looking forward to doing the expert slot on the Celebrity Big Brother tonight! What a start to the series and there's loads to say.

I've never met Alice Levine so that's going to be fun - and it's always lovely to see Jamie East - plus I'm excited to see Iain Lee after six years when we both used to work at the same radio station!

Enjoy your day, Pamx

Like to get more experimental with positions?

17/08/2012

So looking forward to going into Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side tonight for the 10.45 PM show chatting about the celebrity housemates' behaviour. And what an interesting bunch of housemates it is - will be lots of fun to discuss it with the lovely Emma Willis.

Now, every fortnight on a Friday my Sex and Love Academy column goes online in the Sun newspaper. This fortnight I decided to tackle women going on top when it comes to sexual positions.

The reason? I hear from so many men who would love their girlfriend or wife to go on top but she won't go on top usually because of lack of sexual confidence. Check out my column for lots of tips.

Always love chatting to Angela and Spence at Heart FM radio Wales and North West - today at 8:05 AM we're chatting the pitfalls of holiday romances - it's that time of year when people arrive back from holidays sometimes heartbroken after the exciting fling they have on holiday.

TODAY’S TIP: holiday flings can be magical they are set in an ideal bubble... you're not worried about tidying up, going to work, cooking meals, etc.

So throw in some sea, sun, beautiful sunsets and sex and it's the perfect combination for holiday romance. If you've just come back from a holiday or going on one keep in mind that there can be a bit of a crash when you get home - especially if they don't want to continue the romance once the holidays are over.

Looking forward to doing the expert slot Sunday night on Big Brothers Bit on the Side at 10 PM - analyzing that assorted group of personalities that went in the Celebrity Big Brother house Wednesday night.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

 

Do you worry your partner has gone off sex?

16/08/2012

Thank you so much for all your e-mails for "National Agony Aunt Day" - I love calling it "National"! Every Thursday I answer one e-mail in full and appreciate the vast array of questions I get.  As I work long hours and run my own site, sadly I only have time to answer one a week.

This week I've answered the e-mail that "Daniel" sent [remember I changed names if you haven't already flagged a change to me]. Daniels worried that his girlfriend has gone off sex after five years together.

This is a common dilemma for many couples and you can see my answer to him on my homepage at "e-mail me here".

TODAY’S TIP: the key thing is you can harbour a worry like this, secretly worrying that something is wrong and if you don't bring it out into the open you'll never know.

Of course it's daunting to raise sensitive things like sexual satisfaction but if you're in it for the long haul you need to learn those key communication skills.

Better to find out you’re worrying over nothing - or if you find out your worry is grounded then you're on the road to solving it.

Have a great day, Pamx

Money issues surface in so many ways for couples...

15/08/2012

You'd think in 2012 it wouldn't matter who earned more when it comes to couples - but that's not the case for many couples as a fair few men get insecure if their partner earns more. And women can hold particular attitudes towards money to as in the article I've just posted about this under "hot off the press" if you're going through this.

It’s about "Maggie" who is old-fashioned at heart and worried about a new promotion - it meant she was paid more than her long-term boyfriend.

Before I forget tomorrow is National Agony Aunt Day when I answer one dilemma in full - so please get your dilemmas in on my homepage at " e-mail me here". Thanks as always for all your e-mails and I wish I could answer more than one!

TODAY’S TIP: Back to money, as money is cited in a third of divorces as being one of the major issues that caused problems a couple these things should be taken seriously when they arise.

As with most tricky issues you can take the sting out with some simple, tactful honesty.

Life would be a lot easier if early on couples discuss their attitudes towards money and if they held any particular attitude like whether it matters who earns more. So if you're starting out in a new relationship bear this in mind.

If you've already got troubles in your relationship over money then sit down for a relaxed heart to heart without any finger pointing.

Happy Wednesday, Pamx

Breaking up is hard to do but even harder when children are involved...

14/08/2012

Breakups are something I hear about all the time [and I've been through a few myself] - who hasn't been through one? The problem is they're already complicated enough but even more so if a child/children is involved. I've tackled one woman's dilemma about how to break the news to their daughter that they're divorcing in my Love Clinic on IVillage UK - I'll put a link in here but it goes live later.

TODAY’S TIP: the most important tip I can give on this topic is remember your child is like an emotional sponge - they soak up everything you say as well as your emotional state.

So always be aware that if you've had a disagreement, e.g., during the day when your child was at school with your ex [or soon-to-be ex] that you need to calm your emotional-vibe down before your child gets home.

Awareness is key that you have to keep on top of your mood state to make sure you don't negatively affect your child's mood.

Wishing anyone and any parents going through a breakup the best of luck, Pamx

The letdown after the excitement...

13/08/2012

We now have the Paralympics coming up to get behind and cheer a fresh batch of Olympians on but for many last night's closing ceremony for the Olympics has the same effect as any "ending" has... the big letdown after the buzz. (the closing ceremony finally got going about halfway through - it was like two different shows - the second half brilliant, energetic, colourful and celebrating GB)

I hear from many people who have done something exciting only to find their mood crashes. It's true of practically anyone's life - and particularly true when you complete an intense piece of work. And this is the case for many people in the in the world of entertainment, media, and sports where there are intense bursts of activity. They talk about the buzz they get when they're performing... that's then followed by the major letdown in mood after a performance.

It happens to everybody - but a big step is understanding why you feel so blue when you've been feeling on top of the world.

TODAY’S TIP: if you've had a mood crash after doing something big - or exciting or completely different from what you normally do - simply understand this is your natural brain response.

It's been over stimulated with all sorts of brain chemicals during the excitement and suddenly it notices the lack of those when that excitement goes.

Self-care is important every day - but definitely increase it when you have a mood crash so make sure you keep connected to those you love or care about, eat well and sleep well.

Happy Monday, Pamx

As tweeted about - CHRONIC PAIN

11/08/2012

The  following are tweets I did for someone with chronic pain - hope a few help! XX

@Ourchronicpain Remember despite #chronicpain ur a WHOLE person! Spouse need see u that way too! Ur MORE than ur pain but it CAN overshadow

@Ourchronicpain - when it comes to spouses remember they have limited capacity to understand your pain DESPITE loving you.

@Ourchronicpain - let your spouse know when you need an extra hug or help. They NOT mindreaders even if you think they *know* your issues

@Ourchronicpain -on GOOD days find the energy to get out with spouse for whatever you can manage - cinema, walk, Café etc. Brings positivity

@Ourchronicpain - When feel angry/upset with that devil called pain - thats when be kinder to your spouse *they more likely to support you!*

@Ourchronicpain -when feeling desperate about your pain rail against life, throw pillows, etc., if must but DONT take it out on your spouse

@Ourchronicpain Two-way street- ask spouse for reassurance they know you have profound pain. Then assure them you do what you can to get by

@Ourchronicpain - dont forget spouses also have stresses of life that they want support with. Listen to them when they need to offload

 

@Ourchronicpain - after major accident 5 yrs ago had 3 yrs of major ops & numerous procedures I'm LUCKY back on form & now do sports etc.

@Ourchronicpain 1st thing learnt from 24/7 pain No matter how much partner famly frends love u if not had serious pain can NEVER fully grasp

@Ourchronicpain Devise daily system communicate pain levels to loved 1s: I found 1-10 scale helpful: 1 = ok, 5 =bad but managing, 10 = worst

@Ourchronicpain Live 1-day-at-time basis! Stop negative beliefs that ALWAYS going to be bad. Focus on managing as best today STOP future anxiety

@Ourchronicpain Apart from near&dearest insist on talking about topics BESIDES pain! Avoid trap of always discussing = always on your mind

@Ourchronicpain Near&dearest must know when ur struggling with worst days but then also share OTHER stuff with them taking focus off pain!

@Ourchronicpain Accept u have unwelcome *devil* of pain How best can u live with them? Scrutinise ENTIRE routine to do things less painfully

@Ourchronicpain Pester doctors for any help, physiotherapy, etc. Don't let up - all sorts of things to try. Stay on top developments

@Ourchronicpain All pain patients diferent but ALL must embrace good days, get thru bad & make most what able to do. Partner tips next week

 

Don't go for perfectionism, imperfection is "perfect"!

10/08/2012

Hope you're planning a lovely weekend - seeing family or friends or just relaxing on your own and in your own time. We all need to recharge!

This brings me to the subject of perfectionism - perfectionists never recharge because they're always on their guard. They feel driven to do everything "right" at work and at home they are usually the same. This can continue with their partners too - some partners stick with it and others leave the relationship.

The big problem is once you've got into the perfectionist-cycle anxiety looms if you think about letting go a bit. Often the perfectionist fears being rejected if they don't come across as perfect - far from the truth people will love your quirks and foibles!

TODAY’S TIP: if you've got this tendency make a plan this weekend to throw caution to the wind and not have to look perfect, act perfect, and do everything you can to perfection.

Life's too short to worry about always saying and doing the right thing.

Start looking after yourself more by letting go of your anxiety that you have to be a certain way.

I'll be back on Monday and I'll be tweeting some tips over the weekend.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

After divorce dating gets confusing....

09/08/2012

Thanks for all your e-mails for "National Agony Aunt Day" - I've answered one from about falling into a rebound relationship after a divorce from "Catherine" - she's feeling confused.

I recently wrote an article about rebound relationships and I know how easy it is for people to fall into them. You want be loved more than anything after heartbreak.

TODAY’S TIP: One way to judge a rebound relationship - and whether it's potentially emotionally "healthy" or not – is if in your heart you know you're still overwhelmed by your breakup and feelings of loneliness. If you can tell you haven't healed very much then it's probably a rebound relationship.

Put on the brakes and slow things down.

Take care, Pamx

 

                                                          

An article on how to get a good night sleep as tweeted about...

08/08/2012

How To Get A Heavenly Night’s Sleep -  some thoughts on sleep followed by lots of tips you must try...

If you've been waking full of anxiety in the middle of the night these past few weeks than you're in good company. A recent survey’s found that due to the dark and dreary days of winter many find their body clock slightly askew. Leaving them prone to waking up fitfully not sure whether it's time to face another day or to stop fretting and try to get back off to sleep. 

 

With other research finding that 36% of adults experience at least one troubled night a week and 18 per cent regularly sleeping poorly, a lack of sleep is a real problem. In fact a staggering 400,000 people in a recent British Sleep Society study claim that sleep problems are ruining their relationships and careers.

 

It's not simply your sleep problem at issue. If you’ve a partner that tosses and turns, or has a disorder like sleep apnoea (and snores) your sleep is likely to be disturbed. Interesting, though, women have more tenacity when sharing beds. Research at the University of Vienna found that men showed more disturbed sleep when sharing a bed then women. Despite the fact more men snore!

 

Is a sleep deficit a real worry?

Some experts reckon we've become overly neurotic about getting the perfect night's sleep arguing that overall the majority does. Others claim the so-called "sleep debt" facing the country is very real and engendered by modern, 24-hour society. With researchers at the University of Surrey citing laptops in the bedroom, mobile phones at the bedside and other light and noise pollution as major culprits.

 

When devising a sleep programme for a coaching-client I always take these and many other considerations into account, as I'll outline. Worrying about sleep is logical in my book – but it doesn’t solve the issue. We spend a full third of life in bed and so we should expect a good quality of rest. Market analysts Mintel estimate the sleep industry’s worth over £4 billion annually confirming the fact we're terrified of being tired and spend a lot of money in pursuit of sleep.

Just what constitutes a good night’s sleep?

There are many questions around getting a good night's sleep. First, what is a good night sleep? Most would answer seven to eight unbroken hours. Some research calls this level this into question. What may be more important is simply meeting your own unique needs rather than panicking if you don't get the full eight hours. Many people, famously including Margaret Thatcher, thrive on four hours a night. Some are famous cat-nappers, as Winston Churchill was, who top-up their rest-requirements as needs be. The definition of a good night sleep becomes your own sense of well-being, feeling refreshed in the morning.

An important consideration is your body's own natural circadian rhythm. Our evolutionary heritage is essentially to go to bed with the sunset and rise with sun up. But this is complicated by some evidence suggesting that when our hunter-gatherer ancestors were on the move they gave up this routine and flourished on much shorter cycles of rest and activity as the hunt required.

This diversity in sleep patterns has left a legacy where some people may well have inherited a greater need for a long, nightly rest. And others, like Churchill, inherited an ability to recuperate quickly and have shorter bursts of activity. Again there’s evidence from the University of Zurich that you partly inherit a propensity to sleep well and deeply, or lightly.

What about misconceptions about sleep?

There are a number of myths around sleep. One is that if you feel sleepy mid-afternoon you've got a problem, i. e., you’re energy levels are too low. This isn't true and other cultures, e.g., Mediterranean ones, recognise this natural mid-afternoon dip requires a siesta. Whatever the climate it's normal to experience a mid-afternoon dip after eating lunch. Determine if you simply need to chill-out for a few moments while your energy returns or need a proper "Churchilian" catnap.

Another myth is that you’re stuck with your "type" of sleep. But with the following advice you can try many things to establish better sleep. Other misconceptions include that it’s "bad" to sleep for “too long” but research shows after extraordinary stress/illness the body naturally requires more sleep. That when you don't remember your dreams you haven't had them - completely untrue. And that “deep sleepers” get better sleep – again not necessarily true as some wake feeling lethargic.

What isn't disputed is that sleeping is a complex process involving many parts of the brain and neuro-chemicals. Its function is both to replenish the body physically and rest the mind to ensure mental agility. How much you need - and when you need it - is harder to determine.

What also isn’t disputed is that a real lack of sleep weakens your immune system, disturbs your ability to think and work efficiently, affects other abilities like driving skills, and impacts negatively on relationships. Who wants sex when feeling exhausted? And who can meet targets when too tired to think?

Secrets Of Sleep Success –

Here are a number of sleep secrets to try. Most based on research and others from my own and clients’ experiences of being light or disturbed sleepers.

You And Your Lifestyle Overall –
What you do when awake hugely impacts on your time asleep. I hate to be a killjoy but this means many lifestyle choices may have to be modified as part of a new routine including:

* How much stress is in your life? General stress is a major culprit for keeping you awake worrying. As with any stress identify the cause of it rather than simply treating the symptom. As you eliminate stress generally in your life, your sleep cycle will improve.

* How much caffeine do you drink? Research confirms caffeine after 3pm impacts negatively on sleep even if your bedtime is, e.g., 11pm. Substitute decaffeinated teas/coffees with decaf or herbal drinks. Bear in mind that some decaffeinated coffee has a little caffeine!

* Do you enjoy alcohol? More than a unit or two of alcohol and you’re significantly more likely to have a rebound effect. This is where a few hours into sleep, your body naturally "fights off" the effects of alcohol, giving a surge of energy that can wake you up.

* What foods do you eat? You may love hot and spicy cuisine (as I do) but things like chilli, onions and garlic stimulate circulation. Keep these for a lunchtime culinary delight and after 7pm choose foods with soporific qualities like turkey, salmon, low GI foods like oats, wholegrain pastas, lentil dishes, and even lettuce or banana sandwiches. Avoid processed foods high in sugar and/or salt - both can frazzle your wellbeing.

* Do you exercise? If not choose something you enjoy to do regularly. You might hate the gym but if you love something like dancing build it into your routine. Regular exercise promotes wellbeing - promoting in turn better quality sleep. Don't do vigorous exercise within three hours of your bedtime, though. Your circulation keeps pumping for a number of hours making sleep difficult.

* Are you a techno junkie? If you love surfing the Net and playing computer games - beware! This focused mental activity increases restlessness and disturbs sleep. Stop using such technology at least an hour before bedtime.

* Do you love films and television? Likewise if you love watching films/programmes late at night ensure they’re not action thrillers, full of police chases. These raise adrenalin levels preventing relaxation.

* Are you an owl or a lark? Fascinating research found that most people fall into being an “owl” - coming to life later in the day, concentrating better in the afternoon, enjoy a late bedtime and are later to rise. "Larks" are the opposite - working best in the morning and preferring an earlier bedtime. Although research suggests you can retrain this, most people usually only successfully shift an hour or two one way or the other. That said, if work or relationship commitments mean you need to shift your body clock you can nap at appropriate times to make up for changes. Psychologically it's crucial to keep an open mind!
 

Specific Strategies For Day And Night -

After considering ALL the above here are specific strategies to use.

use* Keep a sleep ‘diary’ for a week making a note of when you get off to sleep, wake up, and take catnaps. Look for any pattern and identify hot spots (worries, issues) that keep you awake.

* Once you've examined your sleep diary begin a Super Slumber routine tailored to your needs. After dinner do an activity that’s enjoyable but not over stimulating.

use* Take a warm bath or shower - not hot as this can be of a stimulating. Take time to relax and enjoy it. Use calming aromatherapy oil in the bath - lavender oil is perfect.

* Read a magazine/book you find relaxing. Follow the same principle as with telly – reading over-stimulating material will keep you awake.

use* Read or watch telly away from the bedroom. The bedroom should be associated with sleep (and sex!) not other activities. Some people (including me) find reading helpful in bed but it disturbs sleep for others.

* Use relaxation techniques. Start by clenching, then relaxing the major muscle groups. Next visualise a restful scene. Use deep breathing - inhale slowly and then exhale to the count of 10. Use relaxation techniques during the day when tension is mounting so you prevent it mounting to sleep-disruptive points.

* Relaxation tapes are helpful to some. From whale music to white noise and self-hypnosis tapes, experiment with different ones.

* Ensure bedroom temperature is balanced between not being too cold or so warm you’re kicking off covers. used

* Bedroom lighting is important. Don't use a powerful reading light – over-stimulating. A dimmer switch is ideal for getting the right balance. Some find coloured light bulbs more relaxing.

* Noise levels in the bedroom can disrupt your sleep. Although some could sleep through a train most have some noise sensitivity. Heavy curtains, draft excluders, and earplugs where necessary will help.

* The use of colour is important in your bedroom. Calming colours include pale shades of blue, pale lavenders and lilacs - often used in mental health units. Pale brick and earth tones and fleshy-pinks also promote tranquillity. Deeper greens promote comfort. And darker earth tones/dark fleshy pinks/deep, rich butter tones are soothing.

* Emotional "Association's" play a part in sleep disturbances. Your bedroom should be a place only associated with sleep and not other activities. Having the TV going late at night is not helpful. Bringing files of work to bed is not advisable!

* Use a few drops of relaxing aromatherapy oil in your pillow stuffing - lavender, geranium, or sandalwood.

* During very stressful times take a herbal sleep remedy- available from health shops and chemists.

* Put out of your mind any worries. Make a list of ‘must-dos’ for the next day before you get in bed. Don’t think about them the rest of the evening. If stressful thoughts creep in, banish them.

* Sip relaxing camomile or other ‘night remedy’ teas. Any evening snacks should again consist of slow-burning carbohydrates. Snacking within 30 minutes of bedtime causes digestive activity keeping you awake.

* Having satisfying sex will help you sleep by releasing tension.

* Put "to bed" any rows, i.e., make up with your partner/family member before switching off the light.

* The quality of your mattress and bedding can either promote or inhibit a restful night. Seriously consider investing in a good quality (e.g. pocket sprung) mattress and bedding.

* Don't get your system out of sync by lying-in for hours on weekends. Research shows people who do this have poorer quality sleep. Allow yourself an extra hour - or 90 minutes maximum - but no more.

* Reassure yourself that if you wake early you will cope. Take one night at a time – worrying that you won’t “sleep all week” won’t help.

* Mentally “reframe” the way you think about your sleep needs. You may be trying to force yourself into a sleep pattern that’s actually unnatural for your body clock. Play around with it by slightly adjusting times, trying naps, and try rising earlier.

Finally, consult your doctor if you've tried ALL of the above and you still sleep poorly.

Walking away from love, Some create an argument just for the sake of it...

08/08/2012

If you're thinking about walking away from an unhappy relationship then here are some steps to consider an article I've written for MSN UK Her channel - good luck, it's never easy!

Now it was pretty crazy getting a phone call from a radio station asking if I agreed with some criticism of the UK Olympics team for not doing their "best"! Not doing their best?! Who thinks that?! I told the producer that I thought team UK had done magnificently! Their medal haul is astounding and the entire team and country should be bursting with pride...so I didn't agree to that interview!

Do you wonder who these people are looking to criticise the UK team? Do you ever feel we've come to a point where everyone thinks they must criticise something - particularly something "big" that everyone's focused on?

It feels that way to me and that sort of absurd negativity is hard to bear.

TODAY’S TIP: Resist the urge to criticise just because you think everyone wants to hear a big, scathing opinion... too many people including ‘pundits’ are going this route and I ask why? Must be something to do with "ego" and feeling they must be heard.

The flip side of this is trying to be the kinder - why not look for the positives in a situation?

It's a short one today but don't forget to e-mail me your dilemmas to my homepage as tomorrow is National Agony Aunt day when I answer one in full. Thank you for your e-mails!

Happy Wednesday, Pamx

A weighty issue for relationships...

07/08/2012

If you've ever struggled with your weight you know what a sensitive issue it is. It shouldn't necessarily be that way but people do get hurt feelings when others make comments, etc.

Turn the tables and what if you're worried about your partner's weight gain? A doubly-difficult dilemma - in fact a ‘Devil's armpit’ of a dilemma if ever there was one.

On my weekly Love Clinic on iVillage UK I've answered one woman's dilemma about her partner's weight gain. When it goes live later today I'll put in a live link to it here.

TODAY’S TIP: the difficulty lies in the fact that no matter how carefully you choose your words, if you comment on your partner's weight gain at the wrong moment it can profoundly affect them.

In my line of work I've heard so many people say that it took only one comment on a day they were feeling bad about themselves to have a lasting, negative effect on their body image.

Do check out my advice later on if you want some thoughts on how to handle this topic with your partner.

In the meantime two quick tips are:

*start stocking your cupboards with good foods not junk foods

*get out for exercise together that's fun to do - walking, swimming, dancing, etc.

Take care, Pamx

Body image issues can affect your relationship and agony hour tonight

06/08/2012

Hope you had a lovely weekend and are facing the week with optimism! I'm looking forward to doing my will agony aunt slot on the lovely Sue Marchant's BBC Eastern regions showed tonight at 715.

Get in touch at 7pm tonight by texting your dilemma to 81333. As it's Sue’s show begin your text with Sue followed by your dilemma.

You can listen live at BBC radio Cambridgeshire and ring us to chat about your dilemma on 0845 30 50 007. Anyone who comes on air can have their name changed to protect your confidentiality.

I've just posted a new article on "hot off the press" on my homepage about body image issues.

It's bad enough if you've got them and they make you feel insecure in various ways. But don't forget those feelings can infiltrate the happiness of your relationship if you're not careful.

TODAY’S TIP: If you're within your partner and you’re suffering in silence about body image issues remind yourself of the fact that they're interested in you because they are seeing you! Why would they have more than one date with you if they thought you were so "awful" or "unattractive"??

Keep that in mind in new relationship. And in a long-term relationship I hope you're being honest with your partner about your inner feelings of insecurity over your body. They may just tell you that you're being silly - and they might have a point - even if they put it a bit harshly! Maybe it's time you started seeing yourself as more than your body and as a lovable person?

Value who you are, not your shape.

Happy Monday, Pamx

 

 

As tweeted about - sexercises to give men more control and both of you stronger climaxes!

05/08/2012

Strengthening your sexy PC muscles –

To give men staying power plus both men and women more powerful orgasms you should exercise your PC muscles every day.

The main muscle in this network, the pubococcygeous muscle (PC), runs from the pubic bone at the front, down along the perineum, up towards the bottom at the back in both men and women.

Identify it by squeezing the muscles you would squeeze to stop yourself urinating - those are the PC muscles.

Begin by working them out gently squeezing for two to three seconds for 10 repetitions. Build to 20 repetitions, twice daily, for the rest of your life as not only are these good for your sexual health but they promote bladder health and strength.

PC muscle repetitions can be done sitting, standing or lying down and no one will know you're doing them.

The Johnny-come-lately technique - As your PC muscles get stronger you'll find your orgasms get more powerful for both sexes and for men the extra PC muscle strength helps them last longer during penetration. The Johnny-come-lately technique is where they squeeze their PC muscles as they get nearer to climax - this squeezing action slows him down so he can then continue thrusting. This can be repeated as many times as he wants to during penetration so he can last and last. 

Men should definitely try my special “Dr Pam’s tea-towel test” to gain super-strength. Drape a tea-towel [or face cloth or hand towel] over your erection or semi-erection and gently "bounce" it up and down to gain more erectile strength and work out those PC muscles.

They're also fantastic for women during pregnancy and after childbirth to recover/maintain their pre-birth vaginal strength.

Women can gain extra PC strength in various ways. She can begin by grasping hold of a vibrator or dildo and pulsate her vaginal muscles around it. She can buy an Oriental Love egg or beads as described in the sex toys lesson below and learn to walk around holding them in, exercising both her PC and vaginal muscles.

Sizzling Tip: give each other a hot thrill during penetration by pulsating your PC muscles. This isn't just to slow him down but to give you both really sexy sensations.

Make this part of your daily routine to work out your PC muscles so they can have stronger climaxes and last longer.

Good luck and get started!

Worried things have gone stale between you?

03/08/2012

Loved chatting to Angela and Spence at Heart FM Northwest and Wales about affairs and how to handle them. And I mentioned earlier this week how all the stories of infidelity in the press can make people a little jittery – particular if things haven’t been good between them.

I've tackled how to "affair-proof" your relationship in my Sun newspaper online column today.

I hope you find the tips helpful - they should kickstart some new playfulness between you.

TODAY’S TIP: I always say to people if they're feeling anxious about their relationship - you've got to listen to the anxiety - it comes from somewhere. It may mean you simply need reassurance from your partner that everything is okay.

Just don't sweep those feelings under the carpet - can be tempting but not the right way to tackle worries!

I've got a reunion tomorrow night with some psychologists - reunions are always a bit weird - a mix of excitement and fun and a bit of nerves thrown in too.

Have a lovely weekend - I'll be tweeting some tips over the weekend and back here Monday.

Take care, Pamx

Are you worried about a friend who has an abusive partner?

02/08/2012

It's Thursday and that means it's National Agony Aunt Day - each Thursday I answer one of your e-mails or questions. Please do get in touch on my homepage at "e-mail me" - I wish I could answer everyone's questions but that's sadly impossible.

Today I'm answering one that was put to me on twitter and also in my e-mail bag - so it seems a good one to answer. It's about what to do when you have a friend in an abusive relationship.

Sadly I think every single person would be able to name one person they cared about who had been in the use of relationship at some point. Maybe it wasn't a physically abusive relationship but an emotionally/mentally abusive one - and victims of either or both suffer so much.

TODAY’S TIP: it's crucial you let that person know you are there for them, you don't criticise them for staying in the relationship - but you keep repeating the message that you are there when they're ready to leave.

They’re already vulnerable - so you making personal criticisms will not help the way they feel.

Do take a look at "e-mail me here" to see my full answer.

Look after yourself and the ones you love, Pamx

Is infidelity on your mind?

01/08/2012

What with infidelity in the press over the last week [stories about Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart and Anthea Turner and Grant Bovey] I've had a lot of queries about people feeling suspicious.

If you've had even the slightest worry unfortunately reading a stream of stories like this in the press exacerbates your worries - it pricks your subconscious and potentially blows out of proportion the little niggles you have.

Of course suspicions may have a genuine basis. But the flurry of questions I've had about how to tell if someone's unfaithful has definitely increased over the last week.

TODAY’S TIP: Ultimately if you don't have hard proof like text messages, etc., you need to do an intuition check. What exactly is your intuition telling you? Why do you think it's telling you that? Is your partner actually behaving differently? Or perhaps you've had jealousy issues in the past and tend to blow things out of proportion it's happening again?

If you honestly consider these questions and still come up with doubts about your partner it's time to put it on the table.

Choose the time when you two won't be interrupted, sit them down and explain your worries. Hopefully they'll reassure you and have a good explanation for any behaviour that's been out of character. Or you might be able to tell from their reaction if they're hiding something.

You need strength in this case to continue getting to the bottom of their behaviour - I wish there was an 'infidelity wand' you could wave across your partner that would tell you if they're being honest or not!

There's no such thing and the nearest thing you have without real evidence is the magic wand of your intuition

Here's hoping it's all a storm in a teacup and nothing to worry about, Pamx

Want to end a relationship but haven't got the courage?

31/07/2012

Was lovely going out to Big Brothers Bit on the Side last night - Emma Willis always gets to the heart of the matter and we chatted about lots of issues in the Big Brother house.

Onto relationships - do you want to end a relationship but haven't got the courage? Haven't we all been there at some point? Breaking up is very hard to do! In my weekly Love Clinic on iVillage UK today I've tackled one woman's dilemma. She wants to finish with her very nice boyfriend of the last four months but doesn't want to hurt his feelings. He really likes her and that's what worries her.

TODAY’S TIP: Ultimately if your heart isn't in it - but they care for you - it's not fair on them! Set them free so they can find someone who appreciates them.

No point in giving false hope. That doesn't mean you have to finish with them brutally telling them they'll never be enough for you, etc. You can still be tactful tell them how much you like them but there isn't a future for you two.

Don't keep them hanging on any longer.

Good luck with it, I know it's not easy, Pamx

What sort of antics are going on in your house?

31/07/2012

Monday...I wrote this & promptly forgot to upload it on Monday!

Hope your weekend was fantastic, relaxing, whatever you wanted from it! I know for lots of e-mails I've had many people are having household issues... makes me think of the Big Brother housemates and going out to Big Brothers Bit on the Side tonight to chat about the goings on with the lovely Emma Willis.

We can look at the Big Brother house - and some of the goings-on - as an intense example of how relationships between housemates, families etc. can get pretty extreme. One big problem in that house and from the people who got in touch if not facing each other with your issues.

TODAY’S TIP: It's no good moaning to your best friend about your partner, your family, etc., if you're not going to face the problem yourself. You are an equal party in what ever is going wrong and you're not the sort it out by talking behind people's backs.

The key thing is to plan what you want to say and choose your moment wisely. Far better to face it and let it run on and on eating away at your relationships

Happy Monday, Pamx

The age-old question of men and women and friendship, devastation of affairs...

27/07/2012

People love chatting about whether or not men and women can have platonic friendships so I'm joining James Mountford at 10 AM on BBC Radio Tees to discuss this. You might've seen the research in the paper this week from brain scans that show men have more sexual interest in female friends than vice versa.

Sticking with relationships I've written a comment piece in today's Daily Express newspaper about Kirsten Stewart allegedly having a fling behind Robert Pattinson's back [my commentary in the second half of the article]. Well, actually pieces about comments from the father of the director she supposedly was entangled with that it's all a storm in a teacup... er, the devastation of betrayal being described like that?

No, it's a whirlwind that devastates everyone concerned.

TODAY’S TIP: back to those male-female friendships - or even if you're too gay friends, etc. - any relationship where it's based be friendly and not romantic... make sure you don't get your wires crossed. Flirting is fun, it makes people feel good until someone seriously things they're in there with the chance with their friend.

Don't be frightened of honesty - if you think they’re starting to like you more than a friend and says something tactfully.

Have a lovely weekend, I'll tweet a few tips over it, back here on Monday, Pamx

 

 

Rebound relationships, and when a partner doesn't want to commit...

26/07/2012

The week has flashed by and it's Thursday again so it's Agony Aunt Day - thanks for all your e-mails to my homepage! I've answered and is dilemma about her eight year relationship - and her boyfriend still doesn't want to move in with her. Check my advice if that's your situation.

Have you started seeing someone who's recently been through a breakup? Could they be on the rebound? My article on the "rules" of rebound relationships has gone live on MSN UK the Her channel 

TODAY’S TIP: if you really care about this new person - but fear they might be carrying a lot of baggage - my first tip is always be careful that someone like that can be like an "emotional sponge"!

They’re so desperate for affection and to heal the pain they're in from there breakup that they suck everything out of you if you're not careful... and then they move on because you were their rebound romance.

Look at yourself and take things slowly with someone who's had their heart broken.

Happy Thursday, Pamx

Oops...a drunken kiss leads to massive guilt & what to do???

25/07/2012

Don't forget tomorrow is "National Agony Aunt Day" - the name I give the day I answer one of the lovely e-mails I get! So please get your e-mails into me on my homepage at "e-mail me".

But in the meantime I caught sight of one with an interesting dilemma - basically it's about shenanigans at a wedding last weekend that shouldn't have happened. In brief a woman was at a wedding of an old school friend and saw her very first boyfriend from school days... Think you know where I'm going with this!

Yes, they ended up having a drunken kiss in the carpark [charming!] while her husband and his wife were chatting in the reception.

Her question was whether she should or shouldn't confess to her husband this drunken kiss with her first love after not seeing him for 20 years.

TODAY’S TIP: My gut reaction is say yes – confide - because it's not the end of the world and hopefully after some anger and hurt they could move on.

But then again she swore in her e-mail it was a moment of madness, they didn't even exchange e-mails, and she would never did again. She's full of remorse and feels awful... that kind of feels like punishment enough to me - would love to know what you think?

Why not e-mail me your advice to her in sometime in the next few days I'll post the best e-mail - could be fun, could be interesting!

Happy Wednesday, Pamx

Dating is hard enough - when you're a single parent it's more so...

24/07/2012

Lovely seeing Emma Willis and Jamie East on Big Brothers Bit On The Side last night. Typical I forgot so many of the points I wanted to make - but it was fun, fun, fun and the whole team there are amazing. Crikey, didn't realise my hair looked like I'd been for wind tunnel but there was a fan blasting in the green room as it was roasting - Ha! Guess you should always check things like that but we were all chatting about the housemates and I completely forgot.

Now, on to the serious stuff - have/are you been a single parent looking for love? What was it like when you met someone and introduce them to your children? A fraught situation for all concerned - I know that both professionally and having been there personally.

Today I've tackled this dilemma in my weekly Love Clinic on iVillage UK

With increasing numbers of divorces and cohabiting couples breaking-up, this is now an incredibly common problem. In fact three years ago a number of us agony aunts got together and formed "Kids in the Middle" to get parents thinking about how breakups and new relationships affect their children.

Before I give the tip there is an article today about the 10 films every child should see before the age of 10. There were lots of great films listed but how about children also needing to get out in the fresh air - unfortunately child's play has changed so radically in the last 20 years.

Children that once had more freedom and got outside - and got dirty - but are now glued to technology in their bedrooms. Getting outside and being rambunctious helped teach them life lessons, like how to think for yourself, how to get out of scrapes, even the sheer physicality of childhood was beneficial, etc.

Sometimes I think parents need reminding of this simple fact that kids should get out and get their knees dirty long before there were mobile phones to sit around and watch YouTube on...I hope yours are getting plenty of fresh air!

TODAY’S TIP: Back to single parent dating - I think the most crucial tip is to constantly remind yourself that when you're falling for this new person - and you have love and lust hormones rushing through your body - to still make good, sound decisions when it comes to your children.

Don't introduce a new person too quickly and don't ever let your child think that you're trying to replace their real mummy or daddy with this new person.

Look after yourself, Pamx

Big Brothers Bit on the Side here I come...

23/07/2012

Very excited to do the expert slot tonight on BBBOTS - there's so much to talk about but obviously I can't reveal what the producers and I have chosen for the slot... it's top secret J See you at 10 PM!

Before that I'm chatting to the lovely Spence on the Heart FM Northwest and Wales breakfast show at 8:20 AM - very soon! We're talking about body confidence and why so many people struggle with that.

It's off the back of the actress Kate Beckinsale saying she didn't feel confident in her looks until she was about 29.

TODAY’S TIP: There's one thing I want you to do today if you're struggling with body confidence - force yourself to choose your very best personal quality and walk out the door focusing on that.

Otherwise if you're worrying about the way you look your body language comes across as unapproachable.

Open up your posture to give out a positive vibe and then concentrate on, e.g., your good sense humour, your caring nature, the fact you’re a good friend, etc.

You are far more than your physical attributes!

Happy Monday, Pamx

AS TWEETED ABOUT - long distance relationships

22/07/2012

I've been asked for a few thoughts on long distance relationships so here goes...

I’ve found the four biggest problems couples face in long-distance relationships are:

 

1/ A lack of trust

2/ Feeling neglected

3/ Placing too high expectations on their time together

4/ Finding their time together is eaten up by the mundane, but necessary, things of life like DIY, paying bills, shopping for household things, etc.

Trust is hard enough to build in a relationship where you see each other regularly but even harder where there’s distance.

Many in long distance relationships feel their lover could ‘do more’ to make them feel loved and missed– and so neglect plays a big part.

The third problem of placing high expectations on their time together means that they can feel let down when things go wrong, e.g., on their weekend together, one has a headache so sex is off the agenda, their plans backfire etc.

So they need to keep a grip on the fact that just because they haven’t seen each other for a fortnight it doesn’t mean it’s going to be all ‘hearts, flowers and moonlight’.

The fourth problem of facing things that need to be done in any long term relationship, e.g., they have a flat together, and the weekend the man is home they need to spend fixing some problems can make it feel like their small amount of time is a chore.

A few tips:

Keep contact frequent - better to have more phone calls when you're apart in a couple long ones. Message and e-mail each other regularly too.

Keep it flirty - it's more fun to receive a flirty and positive message than one droning on about all the problems you're facing.

Of course let them know how much you're missing them - that's very different than complaining about every little thing that's gone wrong in your day.

Turn up the heat - if you're both comfortable start experimenting with a bit of phone sex. Loads of detail will get you both turned on!

Send each other little surprises – a CD you know they'll like, even their favourite chocolate bar - lovely to get something in the post when you're apart

If it all goes wrong when you have a weekend together don't see it as the "end of the world". Talk about it, let them know you wished it had gone better and then be positive about avoiding whatever the mistakes were the next time you're together. Good luck, 'happy loving' at a distance!

 

 

A little hanky s-panky...

20/07/2012

So looking forward to doing the expert slot on Monday night on Big Brothers Bit on the Side - Emma Willis is always fantastic to work with.

My fortnightlycolumn in the Sun newspaper online - Sex and Love Academy - has gone live today... and I'm ordering you to pay attention to all of my tips! :-)

Yes, I go a 'number of shades' down the road of light bondage...as much as a family paper can allow! Many worry that if their partner wants to try, e.g., a little tying up or spanking that it's going to be all black leather gimp-masks and leather, studded fetish gear - it's not! 

On Sunday at 3:15 PM I'm looking forward to chatting to Mark Carter on his BBC radio Surrey and Sussex afternoon show. We're talking relationships - join us if interested in some relationship and maybe a bit of sex chat.

TODAY’S TIP: Back to bondage-play - the starting point is always to sound out a partner that starts hinting they'd like to buy some handcuffs or have their bottom spanked...or spank yours!

Remember there's nothing wrong with this type of sex-play between consenting and willing adults.

Just check out my advice on playing safe and enjoy a little bit of pain/pleasure play.

Have a great weekend, I'll be tweeting some tips over the weekend and back here on Monday, Pamx

The lack of sunshine and summer time seasonal affect disorder, teenage daughters...

19/07/2012

If you've been feeling down they could be the lack of sunshine to a summer version of seasonal affect disorder – SAD. In today's Sun newspaper I've written an article with tips on how to cope. Check it out if you feel this wet grey summer is affecting your mood [to get the link up when it goes onto their website].

As it's Thursday I've put my agony aunt hat on and answered Carol's dilemma. Thank you for e-mailing my homepage your dilemma is at "e-mail me here". I wish I could answer everyone's!

Carol's worried about her daughter going out with a boy... I know how she feels as a parent! Do check my suggestions if you have a teenager and the dating-thing has started.

TODAY’S TIP: but back to summer SAD - obviously check with your GP if you think you might have proper depression. Otherwise you need to definitely follow a proper self-care regime - you've got to eat well avoiding junk food, too much sugar, too much caffeine and too much alcohol. You need to try and get enough sleep and you definitely need to try and sort out stress.

Also get out for a walk when there is even a little bit of sunshine.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Have you misjudged someone?

18/07/2012

I had an interesting chat with a friend yesterday about a work colleague they'd previously misjudged. When this person started work where my friend worked they'd behaved as if they were aloof and disinterested...never good combination to stimulate good working relations.

So my friend decided to 'cold shoulder' this new colleague in return. Not exactly a 'mature' choice but in a busy work environment, where you don't have a lot of time, it's easy to think you have better things to do then keep trying with someone who's unresponsive.

I ended up tweeting about it yesterday - but to cut a long story short it turned out this new colleague was very shy - and simply came across as aloof. As they came out of their shell over the months they became much friendlier.

This is the problem shy people - they give off such negative body language that people assume they're simply not interested. Or worse, it can come across as positively disliking someone.

TODAY’S TIP: it's easy to make a snap judgment but if you come across someone new who seems disinterested give them a second and third chance while you work it out. It's always worth it!

And if you happen to be that shy person going into a new job start practising now how to be more open with your body language and approach to people. It can be tough overcoming shyness that you can - and I just read that Richard Branson overcame his shyness. Who would've thought he'd suffered??

Happy Wednesday, Pamx

Is someone trying to elbow in on your partner? Some helpful appetite control tips...

17/07/2012

 

In today's Express newspaper I've written a little piece on appetite control off the back of research showing that two thirds of the UK are on some sort of diet at some point in their lives. Here's some appetite control tips that should be used with a balanced diet and exercise you can manage and approved by your doctor.

I had an interesting e-mail about an over sexy neighbour (not that I haven't heard this dilemma before). It's for my weekly Love Clinic at iVillage UK - a live link here 

It's from a woman who lives with her partner and their neighbour is recently divorced ... can you guess where I'm going with this? Yep, their divorced neighbour repeatedly asks her live-in partner to help her with DIY around her house.

Just how threatened would you feel by that? You can read the details and my advice later on.

TODAY’S TIP: the main tip in these circumstances is to always look after your relationship so that both of you are aware when someone's trying to get too much attention from one of you, move in on one of you, etc.

When you've neglected your relationship - and have stopped working as a team - it's hard to recognise how someone like a divorced neighbour is making one of you feel uncomfortable.

Look after your love, Pamx

Dreading facing the boss?

16/07/2012

I mentioned this a few weeks ago - that over the weekend I get more e-mails about work issues. I think it's because you're relaxing at the weekend... but that gives you more time to think and so Monday morning looms large if you've got a problem at work.

This weekend I had half a dozen people e-mail about dreading seeing their boss/manager today. I think this problem's worse now with the recession - no one wants to lose their job - no one wants to be the person who appears to be causing trouble at work - and so everyone puts up with a lot more from their boss/manager.

TODAY’S TIP: if you're one of the e-mailers or someone else who has dreaded the new week starting try this:

Write out the issue with your boss as if it was a complaint form - laying everything out in specific points and in chronological order.

Then look at the points you've made and see which would be easiest to tackle first. Always start with the easiest. Because if you tackle that and it's a success it gives you confidence to handle the rest.

Think through how this particular point could be solved - what is your part in it? What can you do to change it? And what does your manager need to do?

Fingers crossed start solving things, Pamx

Make today your lucky day...

13/07/2012

Loved chatting first thing this morning with Angela and Spence from the Heart FM North West and Wales breakfast show. We discussed trust and the story in the press this week about if you should or shouldn't check partner's text messages and e-mails. Spence and Angela are two of the funnest & funniest people on radio! As I wrote in a national newspaper when the Jamie and Jools Oliver story broke - we can aim for the ideal of complete trust. But when people go through blips in the real world sometimes they feel they must check up on a partner...usually not a good sign!

Today's the day some people are feeling superstitious about today - Friday the 13th - flip that thinking on its head and think of it as a lucky day! Studies show you can make your own "luck” by being more positive and optimistic.

It makes sense - when you feel that way you attract good things into your life, people want to get involved with you, and see that you want to make things happen. Get started by becoming aware of how negative or positive your mood changes during the day.

Tomorrow I'm off to Hard Rock Calling to see ‘the boss’ - Bruce Springsteen - in Hyde Park - I've been doing loads of sun dances to try and bring the sunshine back to London - fingers crossed! Bruce will rock it either way!

TODAY’S TIP: back to the 13th and making it a lucky day. Do a little test: make a note of every positive thing that happens you today [include things like compliments, praise, unexpected phone call from a friend, lovely text message, etc.] and make a note of the annoying things - at the end of the day see which you have more of. Here's hoping it's more of that good, positive things!

I'll be tweeting tips over the weekend but have a great one, Pamx

Do you or your partner have erectile dysfunction?

12/07/2012

I can't believe it's Thursday again and that means it's my very own National Agony Aunt Day. Thanks as always for all your e-mails - today I've chosen one from ‘Mark’- it's posted on my homepage at "e-mail me".

Mark is losing his erection with his new girlfriend and if you're experiencing that - or your partner is - then do check it out.

TODAY’S TIP: the best starting tip I can suggest is to try not to panic - a tall order when you may well be feeling anxious. Panic will almost certainly make it worse particularly if it's an emotional issue at the heart of losing or not being able to get an erection.

And even if it's a medical issue like poor circulation for diabetes, panic never helps because it'll affect the way your body responds.

So calm your thoughts, you're not alone and definitely read the advice. Also always check with your doctor if you're worried about a potential medical cause. More circulatory problems are identified when a man goes to the GP seeking help with erectile problems than for practically any other reason.

Take care, Pamx

Are you heading down the aisle thinking "I'm feeling nervous!"?

11/07/2012

Women's magazines always cover things like pre-wedding nerves - it's rare that men get advice on their nerves. I hear from a surprising number of men who worry about the big day - getting it right and making sure everything is perfect.

Just posted an article on my homepage at "hot off the press” tackling your nerves and how to handle them...many of these tips can work for brides-to-be also - so check-a-look for some practical advice.

TODAY’S TIP: ultimately the best tip is just enjoy your big day - easier said than done! But one of my other favourite tips is to start from today - and in the build-up to the big day - keep it in perspective.

Everyone feels nervous on their wedding day and if you just focus on what it symbolises rather than all the material things being perfect it'll be a day to remember for all the right reasons.

Enjoy your stroll down the aisle! And for any women reading this most of these could apply to you too

Take care of each other, Pamx

Should you have a romance with someone on the rebound? Snooping on your partner...

10/07/2012

In today's Express newspaper I've commented on the Jools Oliver story - a few thoughts below.

But first rebound relationships - haven't we all been there and done that - been on the rebound, licking our wounds, feeling hurt and cling on to the first person who comes our way? Or if you haven't been there yourself - maybe you started dating someone and quickly realised they were still in a lot of emotional pain from a breakup?

How to handle it, what to do when you like this person? I've tackled this today in my Love Clinic at iVillage UK - I'll put a live link in here when the article goes live later.

A woman had got in touch about dating a man for the last four months - he'd come out of a six year relationship and was still involved in various ways with his ex. The problem is she's falling hard for him - check out my advice to her over at the iVillage site.

So I'm going to a proper summer hard and party drinks event tonight - armed with a raincoat, umbrella, and shoes I hope to get ruined! It's getting a bit ridiculous, isn't it?

TODAY’S TIP: Back to rebounds - it's the most human reaction when you're in emotional pain to seek out love and comfort - so it's hardly surprising people get involved in rebound relationships.

The tip I want to leave you with today is set your own boundaries on how much time and love and attention you give to the person who's on the rebound. You protect yourself that way while they heal.

My thoughts on checking your partner's mobile, etc...

Jamie Oliver's wife Jools has been searingly honest about how frequently she checks Jamie's correspondence for signs of flirting. This raises an important question about trust in relationships: just what is acceptable behaviour when you feel temptation might lurk in your partner's life?

The ideal answer would be no partner should ever consider snooping. They'd enjoy such trust it’d seem unthinkable. And I sincerely wish we lived in such an idealised world. However my work in the real world, coupled with statistics from repeated surveys revealing high levels of infidelity, tells me this is a complicated and delicate issue.

I do think Jools reportedly repeated checking is excessive and it's preferable for a couple to work on better strategies to enhance trust. But you might be surprised that I don't believe an occasional check by a partner makes them a ‘bad person’ when they're worried about a blip in their relationship and temptation on the horizon.

In my experience such random checking comes after much heartfelt angst over whether or not they should check their partner’s mobile. It's often followed by tremendous guilt because, thankfully, in most cases they've been reassured. And it's usually not repeated.

Yes, couples must lay the foundations for trust and if at all possible avoid sneaky peeks at each other's private correspondence. Initially the best way forward is each partner doing as they say. If you behave in a trustworthy way and your actions match your words, it's incredibly reassuring to your partner.

Happy Tuesday, Pamx

As TWEETED about - advice for newlyweds (and those who've been together longer)

09/07/2012

Marriage Guaranteed: 10 Little Tricks To Stay Married –

Here's some advice on how to keep your marriage alive

If you’ve just walk down the aisle everything might feel blissful… then the problems start and I don't have to mention the skyhigh divorce rate for couples to know that a happy wedding day doesn't always have a happy ending.

A recent poll of married couples found that a few key strategies helped keep them happy. Top of the league was something as simple as sharing two hobbies. I've spoken to many couples over the years about their happiness and based on those conversations here are 10 Little Tricks to guarantee you'll stay married.  

But first make a pledge to yourself never, ever to forget why you fell in love in the first place - when you hit the hurdles and they seem overwhelming you've got to hang on to this!

1/ The Spark of Spontaneity - spontaneity is terribly important to keeping your marriage alive. But it feels like a tall order, when you're part of a busy couple, to suddenly do something spontaneous. The little trick is to actually plan it! Go through your diary and markdown some dates when you do something "spontaneous" like drop into their office and offer to take them to lunch, pack a little gift into their briefcase, get tickets to a play, etc. You don't have to let them in on your little secret that your spontaneous gesture was planned all along, but they may get the hint and start planning some spontaneous gestures for you.

2/ A Helping of Loving - you can lay the table, sit down to dinner together and barely speak – or you can put on soft music, light candles, and tell them as they sit down how much you've been thinking of them during the day. Compliment them, caress their hand, look them in the eye and tell them you love them. Make a point of making such loving gestures regularly.

3/ Use direct communication -part of this is about eye contact - it's actually in your look - we've become so busy as couples that sadly we don't even look at our partner when they’re speaking. This breaks our immediate bond. Stop, turn, and face them when they're speaking to you. Make this a regular habit. You'll be amazed how much more connected you feel to them.

4/ Praise, praise and more praise - Let them know when they’ve touched your heart, been good, kind, etc. don't fall into the trap of only picking them up on bad behaviour! Also, …wait for it… let them know when they're right about something! – how often do we argue until we’re blue in the face with our partners believing that we’re right - and when they believe that they’re right? No one ever wins. Shock them in the nicest possible way by stating that “they're right” next time you two disagree. This can be a miracle worker. Anyway, is it better to be right (often over stuff that simply doesn't matter) or happy?

5/ Change is Good - we can become very set in our ways and that can have a bad influence on our marital happiness. Surprise your partner by getting a new look - dye your hair, restyle it, or get a wig for fun! Tinkering with little bits of change like that can put some zip back into things.

6/ Do the Unexpected For Them - have some fun and offer to do something they’d least expect like sensually washing wash their hair. Run a candlelit bath, ask them to lie back, and gently wash their hair. Or have a warm towel ready when they step out the shower to gently dry them off with.

7/ A Shrine to Your Love - do something symbolic that celebrates your love. For example, plant a special bush or buy a pot plant that's your partner's favourite variety. Make a point to them that it represents your love. Or have a plaque engraved to go on an arbour or garden chair celebrating a particular anniversary. We easily lose sight of what our relationship means and this can become a symbolic focal point for your marriage.

8/ Do Them a Favour – you're busy and so are they, so you may well fall into the trap that many couples do of one-upmanship. You know the sort of thing, arguments that go along the lines of, "but I've done more than you today," and, "Oh no you haven't, my schedule was packed!" And so on. Turn this automatic response to not lift a finger for them, because you've been so busy, on its head. Do one little chore that benefits them directly. Drop their things at the dry cleaners, or order that item off the Net they’ve wanted to, or polish their shoes, etc. Such things only take 10 minutes or so, but can be another miracle worker for your marriage. Hopefully they'll do the same in return.

9/ Cosy Up To the 'Enemy ' - you know that person in their life that you consider to be your rival, say, their best friend, their mother, etc. Many marriages stumble over the "other people" in the relationship. Instead of arguing about this person why not surprise your partner and invite them over for a lovely dinner. Show some grace and be friendly. You'll certainly impress your partner and you never know, you might enjoy your so-called rival’s company.

10/ The Power in Your Photo Album - relationship research shows that couples that occasionally look at their holiday snaps, family or Christmas photos have a stronger relationship. So get out your iPad or your actual photo album to reminisce together. The basis for this important effect is that looking at happy times, bonds you together. It puts a smile on your faces particularly if you're going through a rocky patch. This is the ideal time to get out your photo album and snuggle up together while you stroll down memory lane - even with recent memories like your honeymoon.

A similar article was published in the Express Newspaper

 

 

Think someone you know is being cheated on?

09/07/2012

Hope you're fighting fit for Monday morning - and it's not all boo, hiss! I had an interesting e-mail from someone who suspects their sister-in-law is cheating on their brother... never a good situation when you only suspect such things about another.

Even if you have actual proof that someone’s being cheated on it doesn't necessarily mean you should say anything.

Why would I say that? Often the person knows they're being cheated on and they don't like it rubbed in. You have to think very carefully before interfering in someone's relationship like that.

TODAY’S TIP: If you feel you should say something then be aware of your facts... you could turn something innocent into more than it is.

Where did you get the information about cheating? Did you actually see something or are you going on gossip?

Consider these things carefully before you end up on the receiving end of someone's anger because you put your oar in where they didn't want it.

Yes, we all care about friends and family and we don't want them harmed like this but it doesn't always come out the way you plan - believe me as an agony aunt I've heard of plenty of these stories where getting involved made things worse.

Good luck deciding what to do!

Happy Monday, Pamx

Pucker up for a perfect pout...

06/07/2012

Pucker up because it's National Kissing Day - as if you need an excuse for kissing your partner or that new person in your life! In my Sun newspaper online column I've given some tips for sensational snogs.

Even if you think you know it all there's always something new to try.

At 8:20 AM I'm chatting to the lovely Angela and Spence on the Heart FM Northwest and Wales breakfast show... and we're talking about kissing.

TODAY’S TIP: it's lovely to spread the word about how to improve your relationship and love life and I'd like to point out to long-term couples - research shows that women complain [more often than men] that the kissing disappears over time.

She might love to start having a goodnight kiss and a morning hello kiss again so why not go for it and rekindle these little moments of affection?

Loved seeing Jack Dee and Milton Jones record a new Sky TV show ‘Don't sit in the front row’ - last night. So funny, both Kings of comedy in very different ways. Laughter has been shown to boost your feel-good endorphins - lifting your mood - so check out your favourite old sitcom over the weekend or buy that DVD of your favourite comedy film - worth the investment.

Have a lovely weekend - I'll be tweeting tips over the weekend and back here on Monday morning.

Take care of each other, Pamx

Need more body confidence?

05/07/2012

Loved chatting to Mike Parr on BBC radio Tyne and Tees yesterday about relationships - not only did we discussed the best time to think about settling down and getting married, etc. but we talked about the statistics around the types of relationships that last longer. You can't argue the stats - those who marry have twice as much chance of staying together as those who live together. Also the whole idea of 'marriageable qualities' you should look for in a partner came up...even if you have no interest in getting married you should look for partners who bring out the best in you!

Thursday's raced around so it's "National" Agony Aunt Day and I've just posted a new "e-mail of the week" - check the ‘Goldstar’on my homepage and you can get in touch there. Also you can read other people's dilemmas and my answers there. A big thank you for all your e-mails and I wish I could answer more than one of the week.

Today I've answered Hannah’s question about body confidence - she's been through a lot and wants to enjoy a fuller, more confident, sex life plus feel generally more body confident.

TODAY’S TIP: All sorts of things can affect our body confidence. You may not have post-operative scars as Hannah does and usually it's emotional scars that affect body confidence - someone having put you down or criticised your figure leaves you with a long lasting legacy.

You can re-boost your body confidence so do check out my advice to Hannah by selecting the "gold star".

Take care of yourself, Pamx

A couple might seem to have all... but they also have the usual stresses...

04/07/2012

Happy 4th of July to anyone celebrating - what I’d do for an American-style barbecue! I feel so lucky to have both UK and USA citizenship - get to celebrate the best of both.

I've been asked a lot of questions about why a Hollywood couple - who has it all - like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes would split up? The problem is people lose sight of the fact film stars are exactly like the rest of us - they have their insecurities, their differences, their anxieties and all those things that can throw a relationship off course.

Add to that the fact a star doesn't get to the top of the glittering Hollywood tree without having complete drive - and a driven person's very focused on their own needs.

TODAY’S TIP: people can be driven in any career - not just celebrities - so if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who's incredibly driven best to set your boundaries early.

Don't let things slip when you feel they're neglecting you. Pull them up right from the start - pull their feet back on to the ground alongside yours! It's your only hope.

Happy Wednesday, Pamx

Wedding around the corner and the jitters have set in?

03/07/2012

Thoroughly enjoyed my agony hour on Sue Marchant's BBC Eastern regions show last night - the first Monday of every month we answer e-mails, texts and phone calls. Last night we tackle problems with ex-partners, shyness and sleep and dreaming. I'll flag up next month how to get in touch.

Are you getting married this summer? Wedding season is upon us and as an agony aunt I hear from women and men who are starting to feel nervous. Typical questions people worry over include: are they really the love of my life? Do I love them enough to stick by them through thick and thin?

I've tackled this common dilemma in my Love Clinic on iVillage UK I've advised a woman who's been with her fiancé for four years - and after a year of planning a big wedding she’s getting freaked out - to use her words.

Not only are some nerves to be expected but even real wobbles are fairly frequent. Most crucial thing is don't panic and let your fears snowball into something more - tall order but true!

TODAY’S TIP: As long as it's not a major crisis that's set off your nerves [like you've discovered your fiancé is dishonest or something] than the first tip is to start a daily "habit" of taking a few moments to remind yourself why you fell in love, what great personality traits your fiancé has, and the good things you two share.

Sometimes it can take the worry out of wedding wobbles by focusing on these three good positive things.

Other tips in my Love Clinic.

Take care, Pamx

How much do you pretend to be someone you're not?

02/07/2012

Over the weekend I had a fair few e-mails about people feeling they put on a big front to others. I think these type of e-mails come in over the weekend because people are feeling a bit relaxed. But they also have time to think about work and how they pretend to be someone they're not.

This is a real problem for some. Sometimes I think one definition of happiness is how big the gap is between your social front - or facade - and your real self.

If you're feeling that you act a bit fake, say, at work (or maybe even somewhere like around your partner's family) that's quite natural. Remember everyone puts on a bit of a front for things like work.

It's about putting your best foot forward. At home you might complain about little niggles, allow yourself to feel sad about certain things, etc., that you simply wouldn't do at work.

So don't fret unless you're pretending seems who take over are... and that's incredibly stressful.

TODAY’S TIP: if you're struggling with a big void between your real self, attitudes, feelings, etc. and what you show to the world - start revealing a little bit more of yourself every so often.

For instance, at work express your opinion (appropriately) rather than holding back and rather than just agreeing with what everyone else says. This is about participating in normal conversations - where there's a back-and-forth between people's opinions.

That's very different to, e.g., constantly barging in with your opinion on everyone else's projects, business and relationships at work.

I think you know the difference! Be true to yourself but put the best-of-you forward at places like work.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Is a friend interfering in your relationship?

29/06/2012

As Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes announcer divorcing I can only hope (as I do for any parents who are splitting up) that they put their daughter first and recognise that children are emotional sponges that will pick up all their stress if they're not careful. Good luck if you're in this situation!

Loved chatting on Talk Sport radio with Paul and Andy yesterday afternoon about sporting stars and their relationships - it's hard enough to find a balance between your two needs. But throw in two intensive training schedules that athletes have, as well as worldwide travel, and it's almost bound to cause problems.

Sticking with relationships... are you in a relationship? Do you also have good friends? I've had quite a few e-mails recently about friends putting their nose into a couple’s business.

When it comes to you having a tiff with your partner, friends automatically feel they can stick their oar in. Because you might discuss your relationship with them at different times, they assume they have the right to do this.

The thing is it's one thing to discuss your ups and downs of your relationship - with a friend - but what really irks is when that friend gets critical of you or your partner. Even if they're critical of your partner that you're unhappy with at the moment!

TODAY’S TIP: So how do you begin to handle this situation? If it's a good friend you just have to be straightforward and say you really appreciate their support but criticising your partner isn't helping.

Most friends only need a simple reminder like that - because you and your partner having blowups doesn't mean you don't love each other!

If it's not a very close friend and really just a 'busy body' then I've got to ask why you shared so much with themanyway? Did you bring them into your confidence - but maybe regret that because they aren't very close to you?

Then this situation is probably more about you. So again it's about setting your boundaries with them - and saying you realise you started the conversation about you and your partner - but actually you don't want to continue it.

Sometimes sharing too much comes back to bite us on the 'proverbial' - but you can handle it!

Have a lovely weekend, I'll be tweeting a few tips over it, Pamx

Has the lack of sunshine got to you? And are you facing a big conversation?

28/06/2012

No surprises if you've been a bit down this summer as the lack of sunshine has had a real impact on people's emotional state.

I was struck by this when I saw report about people's low mood this drizzly (not dazzling) summer and also a couple life coaching clients mentioned this. I've written a little piece on this [obviously my life coaching client's name, age and occupation has been completely changed to protect anonymity] in today's Daily Express so check it out for my seven little steps to lift your mood.

Thursday has raced around again and I've just posted a new "your e-mail of the week" from ‘Daisy’. Maybe you’ll identify with her situation - she's been with her boyfriend for five years and they never talk about marriage.

She wants to know how to raise this without freaking him out.

You could wait a lifetime for some people - so at some point you have to raise the "big" conversation.

The problem is too many people over-think raising a big conversation - it becomes such a worry - when really just getting practical about it is the best way forward.

TODAY’S TIP: if you've got face someone with a big conversation like this [it may not be the same as Daisy's but something big] start boosting your confidence that you have a right to get this answer.

Every time you start thinking about the conversation challenge thoughts that you'd better not do it, it's going to go horribly wrong, they’ll get angry, etc.

Instead turn this on its head and tell yourself it's going to be good to raise it and even if there are issues from it you need to sort those out.

Keep repeating that to yourself.

Happy Thursday, Pamx

Wish you could take the lead in bed?

27/06/2012

I like to mention topics that I get a high level of e-mails about - and one of them is people who are passive in bed. I hear from many who wish they could be more assertive.

‘Cause what do you get when you're more assertive in bed? You get better sex!

There are a few core reasons why people hold back from asking for what they want - feeling inhibited is a common one. You just fill frozen with nerves and so you don't suggest the things you'd like to try.

Another is having had a bad experience in bed - maybe an ex-partner said you weren't any good - and that means the next partner has to take the lead all the time. It leaves you with such damaged sexual confidence that you won't dare suggest anything.

You can build assertiveness in bed - just take it one step at a time. A good starting point is getting to know your own body - through masturbation find out what feels good.

Once you've got to grips with your own sexual responses it's easier to guide your partner's hands, lips and mouth to these pleasure-zones!

TODAY’S TIP: definitely start challenging negative thinking. When a thought pops in your head like: I wish I could ask for this or that [whatever it is you'd like to ask for in bed] take a moment to think about how you could say it. Then in a loving tone of voice ask for it... most partners will be turned on by you asking!

Go on, you don't have to be passive in bed - time to get what you want and you can do that tactfully but assertively.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

 

Fallen for them but things are falling apart in the bedroom...

26/06/2012

There are potentially countless things that might trouble us when we fall for someone. Have you ever fallen in love with someone and know they're potentially a great partner - and yet something put you off them?

Many tell me they love being with their partner but don't think their partner fits in with their friends. Others say that they get along really well except when it comes to money [what are the three most common reasons for divorce] but how about when their great but things aren't very good in the bedroom?

I've tackled this in my Love Clinic on iVillage UK .

The thing is, we can only ask so much of one person. How can everyone be "just right" in every possible way?

It's a ridiculous thing to expect but with so much pressure from the articles we read across the media - that we have to expect it all and not settle for second best - men and women have overly high expectations.

TODAY’S TIP: overly high expectations are a real problem - no one can live up to them, but many keep looking for that person who might live up to them, and no one wins in the end!

So my top tip is when you meet someone (and a lot about them seems right) and something isn't working, why not think about how you can compromise over this? And as for my advice to the woman in my Love Clinic - there are ways to coax something like ‘better sex’ out of someone.

Obviously, never compromise on the important things like being treated well and respecting each other!

Take care, Pamx

 

Back to minding the age gap...

25/06/2012

It's a new week and I hope you're looking forward to a good start!

I've been thinking again [only recently wrote about this] about age gaps as there've been lots of couples in the press with age gap relationships Harry Styles of boy bands One Direction has been out with another older woman [and Ronnie wood and his much younger fiancé, Catherine Zeta and Michael Douglas are two more examples].

I've also had a number of e-mails since I last wrote about it with questions about age gaps. So I've just posted an article I wrote about age gap anxiety - check it out on my homepage under "hot off the press". It gives some food for thought.

TODAY’S TIP: the main thing to think about is the fact there are no guarantees in any relationship - age gap or not!

It's part of human nature to believe that if you're going to give your heart away when you fall in love - that the person taking it guarantees not to break it. But we know that's not true.

So I think it's best to go into relationship looking to do your best - and expecting the best from them. But to look for a cast-iron guarantee? You're not going to get it!

Happy Monday, Pamx

When it feels like a race in the bedroom...

22/06/2012

Are things too quick between the sheets? Wish you could slow things down? Premature ejaculation [PE] affects both partners - he feels guilty and embarrassed and she wonders what she's doing wrong.

In my Sun newspaper online column I've tackled this today and there are some tips to help you get started sorting it out.

TODAY’S TIP: Understanding where this comes from is a good starting point - and helps taje the anxiety out. For many men it's about rushing masturbation in adolescents. They didn't want to get caught out by their parents.

This rush becomes like a habit and habits can be hard to break.

Don't despair you can sort this out. I hope the column helps!

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

When sex lasts TOO long

21/06/2012

It's Thursday and that means I've just posted a new "your e-mail of the week" on my homepage at the 'gold star'. Thanks for all your e-mails! Wish I could answer everyone's!

This week Jane got in touch about how long it takes her husband to ejaculate. It's no joke, it does happen even though we normally expect men to be too quick if anything.

TODAY’S TIP: as with any problem in the bedroom my biggest tip is TACT - you've got to be tactful and begin on a positive note if you want something to change.

And sometimes it's best to keep any discussion out of the bedroom, over a relaxed drink, when you're both feeling positive.

Happy Thursday, Pamx

So one of you wants to head down the aisle and the other doesn't...

20/06/2012

Hi there, as I've been out of the office for the last 24-hours just a quick flag up to my new article in my Love Clinic at iVillage UK. If one of you wants to go down the aisle and the other doesn't there are some tips to consider what to do. Good luck, Pamx

When you've received a serious diagnosis...

19/06/2012

My thoughts are with anyone like Jack Osbourne who have been diagnosed with a serious illness or condition. If you've recently had a diagnosis please check my advice in the article that's gone live on MSN UK.

People often describe such events as like going through grief - they find their grieving for a life they had expected that has suddenly changed dramatically.

TODAY’S TIP: you really need to hang on to the help of others while you adjust to the situation. Roll with the punches as they come use that support.

Wish you the very best of luck with your new challenge.

 

I'm away overnight but back on Thursday - take care!

Best wishes, Pamx

Breaking up when kids involved even harder, best friend playing 'gooseberry' (spare wheel)?

18/06/2012

If you're going for breakup I hope you've got some support! And if you have children you'll need all the help you can get. My article with tips for coping as a parent going through a breakup is here on MSN UK Her channel - take a look for some practical tips.

Have you got a friend that goes with you everywhere? Even when you're going on dates? Is this your choice? Or maybe you don't know how to get rid of them?

I just posted a new article on my homepage under "hot off the press" about friends that are stuck at the hip even when one of them gets into your relationship. Check it out if this is your situation.

TODAY’S TIP: I completely and utterly believe in the importance of friendships. But that doesn't mean you're not entitled to a romantic relationship that obviously doesn't involve your friend especially in the early stages!

In those early stages you're trying to decide whether or not you want to even introduce him or her to your friends. There was an exception (at least for the 1st date as you will see) as in Gillian's situation in this article but generally that's not the case.

What should happen if you're single and you meet someone is that friends need to be happy for each other when you discover love. They need to be supportive and not play the 'gooseberry'.

If you're the one in the new relationship - and you still want your friend to come along to everything - you might need to explore why you do this.

And if your friend is elbowing their way in to all the things you do with your new love you need to set your boundaries with them.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Have an amazing weekend...

15/06/2012

As I'm still recovering from my shoulder operation it'll be back to normal on Monday with tips and news! But I'll tweet some tips over the weekend.

Don't forget Father's Day on Sunday! Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

Discovering the twist on an affair...

12/06/2012

it's horrible enough discovering your partner's had an affair - the heartache is enormous. And the heartache is followed by anger, bitterness and more pain.

For couples who decide they want to stay together the big question is: how do we find our way back from this?

But what about when the 'love cheat' asks you if they can continue the affair?

Sounds pretty crazy, right? Later today when my weekly Love Clinic goes live on iVillage UK [will link to it later when it does] you can see my answer to a woman who's been put in this situation.

TODAY’S TIP: Thinking of affairs - the very first step when you've discovered one is not to make big decisions. When your head and heart are reeling that's not the time to decide to move out, etc.

Instead get support from a trusted friend or family member while you roll with the punches.

On my homepage you can look through the articles on ‘powerful loving’ as there are a couple on getting over an affair.

Look after yourself, Pamx ps I won't be posting anything for the next couple days as I've got a shoulder operation [long story but all due to a bad accident a few years ago - this is just a minor, hopefully final op] probably best not to write when I've had a general anesthetic - who knows what I would say!

Have you become parents and forgotten you ARE partners too?

11/06/2012

Hope you're kickstarting your week with a positive attitude - Mondays don't have to be Moan-days!

I've just posted a new article on "hot off the press" on my homepage for new parents. Not only do they face sleep deprivation and sometimes surprising 24/7 demands of their bouncing bundle of joy - but of course their entire relationship and intimacy changes.

Take a look if you're new parents.

TODAY’S TIP: I've been there and done that and I know it's crucial for new parents to still see each other as a romantic couple. Don't lose sight of this fact!

You're not ‘only’ parents - although being parents is a phenomenal gift - but you two are still two adults with your own needs and desires.

The best tip? Keep talking and don't let exhaustion get in the way of simple cuddles until you're ready to rekindle full sex.

Look after each other and happy Monday, Pamx

SOME ANXIETY TIPS - as tweeted about

09/06/2012

Worrying Women: Are You Part of The Female Anxiety-Plague?

Let me help you overcome anxiety

Recent shocking statistics from the Mental Health Foundation suggest 7 million of us suffer anxiety. We all know how unpleasant those stomach-churning, fear-inducing feelings can be. I find women in particular have certain anxieties revolving around how we feel in comparison to others. With anxieties involving things like do we look as good, are we achieving as much, are our relationships as happy, children as well-behaved, etc., as those around us.

Take my mini-quiz to identify your levels of the female anxiety-plague:

1/ Do anxious feelings drive you to negative behaviours like comfort eating or drinking?

A/Yes, I have a big problem reacting in negative ways to anxiety

B/Sometimes I do negative things like comfort eat when feeling anxious

C/No, I don't react to anxiety in this way

2/ Do you compare yourself unfavourably in any way to the women you know?

A/Yes, I'm always comparing myself negatively to other women

B/Sometimes I compare myself unfavourably

C/I don't compare myself unfavourably 

3/ How frequently do you worry about being "good enough" - whether in the way you look or in what you do -

A/ I'm always worrying about being "good enough"

B/I sometimes worry about being "good enough"

C/I rarely/don't worry about being "good enough"

4/ How often does anxiety keep you awake at night?

A/Most nights I lie awake feeling anxious

B/Some nights I lie awake feeling anxious

C/Rarely do I lie awake because of anxiety

5/ Do you constantly worry about having to "prove" yourself (e.g., that you're doing well, that your relationship is great, etc.) even to your friends?

A/ I'm often trying to show/prove how well I'm doing to others

B/I sometimes think about how I can prove myself

C/I never/rarely worry about proving myself

3-5 A Answers: SKY-HIGH ANXIETY – you're part of the female anxiety plague

You’re prone to damaging levels of anxiety. The sooner you address this, the better. The longer anxiety affects you, the more entrenched it can become with 3 to 4% of the population suffering serious generalised anxiety disorder (GAD). Those with GAD feel anxious with almost every waking moment.

Take action on anxiety now:

Take Control - Right now anxiety is controlling you rather than you controlling it. Keep a diary for a week of your anxious thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Then examine it and familiarise yourself with "the enemy" - your anxiety. Note when your anxiety peaks and what sets it off, etc.

Understand The Enemy - Having familiarised yourself with the pattern of your anxiety over a week think about what you've learnt. Maybe you’ve identified that particular people or situations that make you anxious. Then, once anxious, you respond in negative ways. If so, question yourself why you give them this power over your feelings, leaving you anxious?

Plan Your Tactics - Maybe you need to assert yourself with certain people or start expecting a more positive response from yourself. Plan what you need to say and practice it, giving you confidence to set your boundaries.  Or maybe you need to stop putting people on a pedestal. Practice visualising others as ordinary people doing ordinary things. Get quirky and imagine them in the bathroom! This’ll help get them off those pedestals you've put them on.

Stop Comparing - You've got that little "devil on your shoulder" that keeps comparing you to others around you. The moment it starts chattering is the moment you tell it to "stop!" You have the power to silence those nagging doubts making you anxious that you're not as good as others. It takes practice and needs to become a habit. Just as your habit to compare yourself unfavourably to others needs to be broken.

Out of Sight, Out Of Mind – While chipping away at your anxieties avoid dwelling on fashion magazines, etc., that make you angst over how you don't "look like others".

Do You Own PR - Not only should you "talk yourself up" daily but you should learn to sing your praises to others where beneficial. It's no good slaving away on a project that your manager’s too busy to notice. Ask them for five minutes and give them "the headlines" of what you've accomplished. You can share your successes, ideas, and happy moments with friends and family without sounding arrogant or self-centred.  And it gives you a chance to ask them about theirs.

See your GP about referral for CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy if you can't get it under control

1-2 A Answers: RISKY-LEVEL ANXIETY - you're susceptible to the female anxiety plague

Although you don't have sky high anxiety you need to prevent anxious feelings getting out of control. Try the suggestions above.

No A Answers: LOW RISK ANXIETY – you're at very low risk to the female anxiety plague

You're able to challenge anxious feelings and keep things in perspective. At the heart of the female anxiety plague is an urge to compare yourself. You’re more concerned with getting on with your own life than worrying about how others live. That's the right attitude!

A similar article was published in The Express Newspaper

Look after yourself this weekend

09/06/2012

I'll tweet some tips over the weekend but look after yourself and have a good one! Take care, Pam x

Turning up the temperature in the bedroom this weekend...

08/06/2012

If you want things to get a bit steamy in the bedroom this weekend then check out my Sun newspaper online Sex and Love Academy column - this week an introduction to some basics of oral sex.

There are lots reasons why people get a bit freaked out about giving oral - they worry they won't be any good at it, they worry about the taste, they worry about accidentally hurting their partner.

You can get over these worries and have a blast!

TODAY’S TIP: the very first thing to remember is it's always about starting slowly - with a nice slow build - planting kisses down your partner's abdomen and between their thighs. Then you can pause and ask what they'd like you to do and how they want you to do it.

Never forget safer sex practices if you don't know your partner's sexual history. Slip those condoms on the guys [that's why some are flavoured] - he can still feel your mouth through the condom. And use a dental dam or clingfilm over her - believe me she still gets strong sensations with a small thin barrier like that.

But it prevents cross infection with any STI's or germs harboured in your mouth.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

Getting over a breakup and they are still asking for sex...

07/06/2012

It's Thursday so I've got my agony aunt hat on and I've answered one of your e-mails. Thanks for all of them and you can see my answer to Katy’s on my homepage at "e-mail me". She's gone through a breakup that has been really difficult and involves their sex life.

TODAY’S TIP: all sorts of things can break people up - the usual culprits are rows about money, family and friends, drinking and then sex.

Whatever the issue between you if you could just sit down calmly and see each other's points of view. Really put yourself in your partner’s shoes. When both people commit to doing this it's far easier to reach compromise.

And if one of you won't commit to doing this? Than their heart's not really in it.

Take care of yourselves, Pamx

Do you spend too much? Do you over-think relationships?

06/06/2012

You may not think it's a problem or that being the shopaholic is "real" but it is for some people. It's no laughing matter when people get into debt or even go bankrupt. I've commented on this in today'sSun newspaper. (Link to Sun) (And as of today I'll link articles when I can!)

My first tip is to not keep it secret any longer. If you're running up debt you've got to tell your nearest and dearest.

Moving on to your love life, have you had some unhappy or unsatisfying relationships and now you're in a new one? Does your mind keep comparing your past relationships with this one?

If you’re overthinking your new relationship take a look at my weekly Love Clinic at iVillage UK (goes live later today)as I tackle one woman's dilemma about this issue.

TODAY’S TIP: so many of us are guilty of overthinking about love. And we often overthink down the wrong path. We make up all sorts of things about what might be going on in the other person's mind and none of them are right!

Instead of overthinking a new relationship how about just going with the flow, relax for a bit and don't worry about it turning into a big love affair overnight.

You've got more chance of developing into a strong healthy relationship if you take that approach.

Happy Wednesday, Pamx

Happy bank hols but if you've fallen out...

05/06/2012

Hope your bank holiday continues with lots of relaxation and fun but if not I'm doing a short version of my regular agony aunt slot on BBC Eastern regions on Sue Marchant's show.

I'm going to give some quick tips on what to do if you've fallen out over the long weekend and you can listen live at the BBC radio Cambridgeshire website.

In today's Sun newspaper I've commented on the body language of some celebrity couples where it's American women that have fallen for British men [like I have with my British hubby - although I'm both UK and USA citizenship now]. It's a bit of fun if you're interested in body language.

The bank holiday continues and I'll be tweeting tips today.

Take care of yourself, Pam X.

It's a long weekend so have fun...

02/06/2012

If you're in the UK enjoy the fabulous four-day weekend we have - unless of course you're working!

I've just posted a new article at hot off the press on my homepage - it's about toxic friendships - when friends are perhaps a bit more like enemies!

I'll be tweeting tips over the long weekend.

Look after yourself, Pam x

Fifty shades of GREEN, an extreme age gap relationship...

01/06/2012

The green eyed monster is something that strikes everyone at some point as it's a natural human emotion about protecting your territory. But for some it's far worse than for others.

In today's Sun newspaper I've written seven steps to help you overcome jealousy if it's causing problems in your relationship.

This is pegged on the report that Kim Kardashian had reportedly jealously banned Rihanna from Kanye West's dressing room when he was doing his massive London shows with Jay-Z. It's always hard to know how accurate such reports are but it makes a good platform for writing about these things that people can change.

Take a look at my recommended seven steps if that's affecting you.

Also in today's Sun newspaper I've commented on an extreme age gap relationship - 38 years between them [the man is younger] - that happens to be a very happy relationship because the couple have a good understanding of each other.

Who can judge happiness and love [as long as it's legal]!?

TODAY’S TIP: back to jealousy and really the first basic and practical tip is to let your partner know you want to change.

Together you need to work on it. Because it's crucial your partner doesn't give in to things like your ‘jealous questioning’ along the lines of - where have you been? Did anyone catch you out?

Watching the comedy news quiz being recorded last night to be broadcast on BBC radio 4 this evening was loads of fun - all of the panel were on brilliant form. Laughter boosts endorphins which are crucial to your mood so try and have a laugh a day!

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

When your fantasies worry you...

31/05/2012

The weeks are shooting by and we're nearly into proper summer - it's Thursday again and that means I've just posted a new "your e-mail of the week"... this week I've answered Eric's question about his sexy fantasies that worry him.

Check my answer at the gold star on my homepage.

TODAY’S TIP: it's easy to worry that your fantasy somehow is a sign that you are too kinky or a pervert of some type. 99% of the time that's simply not true. The average person you know probably has far wilder fantasies than you could imagine. Think about your own fantasies and they're probably thinking the same sorts of things.

The human mind is creative so my tip today is not to let it scare you if you have rather wild fantasies. Yes, there is cause for concern if you want to act on a violent or illegal fantasy then you may need to speak to a sex and relationship therapist.

Otherwise enjoy your fantasies!

Happy Thursday, Pamx

Are you making assumptions about someone?

30/05/2012

We make all types of assumptions about other people - classic stereotyping that gives us often false confidence that we can guess someone's motives. And we certainly make the assumption that men are shallow creatures only interested in the way a woman looks and how sexy she is. But an MSN UK survey found that actually the things that put off men have little to do with looks - and if he's not can be attracted to you it's probably nothing to do with your finger, etc.

I've written an article that's gone live on MSN UK Him channel about this. I think it's good news and helps break the myth that men only think about one thing.

TODAY’S TIP: thinking about this a good tip is to go into getting to know someone with an open mind. It's easy for women to assume he's going to be after one thing - maybe he is but maybe he isn't!

Men also make these assumptions - and in my years as a date coach I've been told repeatedly that men worry women are after a larger pay packet - let alone something else that's larger!

The lesson from this? Let someone's behaviour and actions guide your decisions about them rather than assuming you know what they're like before you really know them.

 

On to horrific developments in the news it's more than chilling to see the parents of six children who died in the fire arrested on suspected murder - it seems unbelievable. However as we've seen with past cases they can't be tried in the media - none of us know the truth and it will only come out in court.

May those poor precious children rest in peace.

Make today count, take care of yourself, Pamx

Mind the gap and body image...

29/05/2012

Have you experienced an age gap relationship? I have and I think people get too worried about the gap rather than thinking about does it simply works for both people.

Today I've tackled this in my weekly Love Clinic on iVillage UK - a 27-year-old woman’s going out with a man that's 21 years older. From the sounds that they have a good relationship - you can check it out by going to their website.

Off to a morning mini-conference about body image - this is something I take particular interest in especially as it's a major constant problem for women - even in older age groups - you might think they'd be immune to airbrushed perfect magazine models but that's not the case.

TODAY’S TIP: but back to age gap relationships and the most important thing to be aware of in an age gap relationship is not using your age to give you more power in the relationship. For instance, the older person should never try and control the younger person by saying they have "more experience".

And the younger one shouldn't try and grab power by making the older one feel unattractive or "past it".

There's the tip - don't turn your age gap into a power-play - so easily done and often happens!

Have a lovely Tuesday, Pamx

 

As tweeted about - Some BREAKUP tips

28/05/2012

The Break-up Survival Guide

Top tips for moving into a new phase of your life

Breaking up is definitely hard to do - after all weren't you two supposed to face life together so how can you get over it falling apart?

All those hopes and dreams for romance and spending time together warts and all have crashed and burned. Worry not as here are seven steps to put into action:

Recovery Step 1: Take One Day at a Time

Become disciplined about taking each day as it comes. There's nothing worse than thinking things like: "Am I going to feel this way forever? This unbearable pain's never going to go away!"

Having a “these feelings are forever” attitude can slow your recovery. If you take a one-day-at-a-time approach it’s easier to manage your hurt and upset for that one day only. So stop looking into the future - you might be fine in only a week or two!

Recovery Step 2: Do Those Things

Research shows that one sure-fire way of speeding your recovery is to do the things that your ex-partner didn't like doing - and you missed out on. For instance, if you loved going out dancing - but they hated it because they had two left feet - make a point of going clubbing and taking some dance classes.

Enjoying what you've missed out on reminds you that you gave up a lot for this person - who might not have been worth it!

Recovery Step 3: Don't Stoop

Don't stoop to their level if they're being nasty in the aftermath of the breakup. And certainly don't stoop to revenge that might come back and bite you on the ‘proverbial’. Stooping to their level keeps you locked in an angry cycle. Research shows you're less likely to move on quickly if you get into a tit-for-tat situation.

When you feel the urge to reply to a nasty e-mail they've sent sit on that impulse. When you hear they've been saying bad things about you and you want to go on Facebook and trash them - resist. It really is true that the ‘better person’ - in terms of post-breakup behaviour - eventually comes out on top.

Recovery Step 4: They Might Have A Point

If your ex wanted the breakup you might be furious thinking that there's no way the relationship should've ended. But when you're having a calm moment try and put yourself in their shoes. What were their reasons really about? Did their reasons make sense for them?

Sometimes our breakup recovery is slowed down because we resist seeing what the truth was for them. We stay stuck in seeing only our view of the relationship. Definitely try and get your head around their reasoning to help you accept the situation.

Recovery Step 5: Lock-down Your Dialling Finger

It can be hard to resist making drunken, tearful late night calls to your ex. Even if you've done the breaking up it doesn't mean you don't get lonely - particularly late at night. But that's the worst time to make such a call.

For starters you might agree to take them back and regret it in the morning. And if they did the breaking up, in the morning your pride will be severely dented that you were begging them to take you back at 1 AM. Either way only ever consider making such calls in the cold, sober light of day.

Recovery Step 6: Don't Buy Into Romantic Myths

One problem that holds many heart-broken people from making a fresh start is believing myths like “there's only one true love out there for me” - there's not! There are many Mr. Potentials knocking about and you have the capacity to love more than one person in your life time.

Challenge such beliefs - after all you can love more than one friend and you love more than one family member - it's the same with men.

Recovery Step 7: Embrace Time As a Single

It's time to embrace the life you have right now. Just because it's a boyfriend-free-zone doesn't mean it can't be fantastic. Check any impulse to believe you have to have a man in your life for it to be a happy one.

Get out with your friends, plan some adventures, and learn to love spending time in your own company. Create some “traditions" with your single friends - like a monthly weekend break. If money's tight it can be piling over to one of your parents' homes.

My happiness guide is available here:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Happy-Human-Essential-Principles/dp/1906779317/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1288886032&sr=1-1

A similar article was published on MSN UK

Good Samaritans, recent arguments...

28/05/2012

Just reading of the good Samaritan in West Wittering West Sussex who died trying to save a four year old in the waves makes me realise how many amazing people there are out there. Sending good wishes to his undoubtedly devastated family - one day it will ease their pain realising he was a hero.

We say we live in an uncaring society but it's simply not true.

Back to the ordinary stuff of life - did you argue over the weekend? There was beautiful weather and yet you two couldn’t stand to be in the same room? I've had lots of e-mails over the weekend from couples who were arguing and feel even worse about it because the sun has been shining.

This is not uncommon - you are not alone! On the whole sunshine boosts mood however because of lack of sleep [tossing and turning on a hot night], drinking more alcohol in the sunshine and getting headachy/grumpy = more arguments.

TODAY’S TIP: make it up to each other today! Who cares who was wrong or right? Move forward if they were only minor disagreements that got overheated due to the heat.

Obviously if frayed tempers brought out the big issues then agree you'll tackle these calmly when you have more time next weekend. But in the meantime get that loved-up vibe going again between you.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Have a lovely weekend...

26/05/2012

Have a lovely weekend - look after yourself and loved ones. Will be tweeting tips over the weekend, Pamx

Sexual confidence master class...

25/05/2012

When you think about slipping between the sheets with a new partner - or even your long-term partner - do you want the lights out and have them do everything? Lack of sexual confidence is so common so in my Sun newspaper online column today I've done a bit of a master [and mistress] class in starting to boost yours...it goes live later today.

Probably the most common issue I come across when someone says they're not enjoying sex is down to either their sexual confidence or feeling very inhibited in bed [and quite frankly that has a lot to do with confidence]

TODAY’S TIP: The very first thing you need to do is start telling yourself that you deserve to have a full, good, sexy adult relationship - whether it's a new one or old one you should be enjoying yourself.

You got to fight that little voice in your head that tells you you're not good enough in bed or you're not attractive enough, etc.

Stop that little voice and make it kinder - remind yourself of your good qualities and most of all start communicating your lack of confidence with your partner so they know you need extra TLC.

Happy loving, Pam x

if your relationship is breaking up how is it affecting your children...

24/05/2012

Omg Thursday has rolled around quickly and that means I've just posted my answer to one of your e-mails at "e-mail me here" on my homepage. Today it's from ‘Rick’ who has some tense handovers with his ex-wife during access visits.

Check it out by selecting the gold ‘star’ on my homepage.

Over the last few years I've worked with the Kids in the Middle charity we managed to get out 800,000 copies of our guide for parents were splitting up.

Parents were desperate for practical tips and the books flew off the shelves of GPs and health visitors offices.

TODAY’S TIP: If you're in that situation the critical thing is to keep it calm when your children are around. Yes you might be fuming as you have to see your ex on the doorstep collecting them but you can profoundly upset them if you show it.

Grit your teeth, dig deep and always put your children's needs first. Let out your anger when you're out with friends or visiting your mum - when they're not around.

I've been there, I know how hard this situation is that you can do it.

Take care of yourself and your families, Pam x

When young people suffer in silence

23/05/2012

I hope the amazing sunshine streaming across the country will lift your mood today!

Off to a conference to find out more about the good work of The Place 2 Be - a charity that helps the under 14s that might be struggling in different ways. They're located in schools and do so much in a confidential atmosphere for youngsters.

It'd be great to meet lots of childcare professionals and I'm happy to be involved in any way I can. I spent a long time in the NHS researching the area of parenting and children so it's one of my main areas of interest.

TODAY’S TIP: I hear from many young people who often feel they can't turn to their parents because their parents are working so hard in this recession. They might be struggling with something like bullying or low self-esteem but don't want to burden their parents.

It's easy to assume that a young person is acting surly when actually they're a bit depressed.

If it's your own child you're worried about then definitely make time to sit down regularly with them and check in. That little bit of time can make all the difference!

Happy Wednesday, Pam X

 

As tweeted about REKINDLE RELATIONSHIP

22/05/2012

Marriage SOS...Recent research has found that increasingly people long to get married and once married they want to stay that way. In the unsettled times we live in, couples want to develop staying power rather than giving up at the first hurdle.

If you're on the verge of kicking your marriage into touch, take a deep breath, put your best foot forward, dig deep and get back on course with these seven steps:

SOS Step 1 - The Geneva Convention

It may’ve felt like WW3 in your household recently with the cruel jibes and shouted comments targeted with missile-seeking precision to hit their target. So far, so bad! It's time to agree certain ground rules. These should include: stating that you’ll remove yourself from the room if your partner starts shouting, and likewise that you expect them to remove themselves if you let rip! Make an agreement to let each other speak uninterrupted for three minutes at a time, sticking to one issue at a time, and using an egg timer if necessary. Agree that targeting each other's weaknesses plays no part in sorting out your problems - after all it's easy to ridicule your partner’s receding hairline or lack of promotion but that's the quick way to the divorce court.

SOS Step 2 - Take a Breather

Constantly going over the same old ground can wear down any feelings of affection, and this destroys any chance of salvaging things. It's exhausting and can drain any sense of hope that either of you may’ve been harbouring. You begin to think, "What’s worth saving?" Definitely agree a moratorium on arguments and any discussions of your issues for one week. Instead talk about everything besides the things you argue over. At best you might discover you can still have a conversation about something positive or pleasant. At worst you've had a break from the arguing even if it starts again.

SOS Step 3 - Flag-up The Positives

If you've managed to take a breather - and you should try again if it broke down the first time - this serves as a positive platform to start reminding yourselves of why you got together in the first place. There would’ve been positive reasons for falling in love - traits you admired in each other, having the same interests, etc. Hopefully there will be something of these positives left between you. They might’ve been buried under arguments but if they're allowed to see the light of day they might just flourish again. Think about these things daily and find the courage to mention them to your partner. You may be the first one to take this step, leaving you feeling quite vulnerable, but it's worth it.

SOS Step 4 - Go Back to Love-School

It's time to relearn the way you behave to your partner and change the way you speak to them. Would you behave or speak to them in the first year of your relationship, the way you do now? I'm sure it's a resounding No! You've undoubtedly lost the kindness, gentleness and loving way you treated them throughout the years you've spent together. This is the perfect time to surprise them with kinder and more loving treatment. Begin by softening the tone you use when speaking to them. Remove any crankiness and snappiness. Also show some loving behaviour like doing small favours for them and being considerate. You'd be surprised how most partners will react positively and start returning such loving behaviour.

SOS Step 5 - Clean up Your Language

One big mistake couples make, as their relationship goes downhill, is to throw in the "D" word in arguments. If you've mentioned divorce, stop mentioning it now. Relationship research shows that when you repeatedly plant the seed of divorce, your partner starts to see it as an option rather than trying harder to save your relationship. Apart from the "D" word start cleaning up your language generally. Stop yourself from making below-the-belt comments that you know hurt your partner's feelings.

SOS Step 6 - Take Responsibility

Throughout these steps it's important to start taking responsibility for your share of what’s happened to your relationship. It can’t be all your partner's fault that things have gone wrong. You may well have accused them of destroying things but it's never too late to hold your hands up to any bad behaviour on your part. Saying a genuine "sorry" can go a very long way to healing things.

SOS Step 7 - Love Is in the Air

If you've tried these various steps, and hopefully had some success with them, it may be time to rekindle a bit of passion. It's the rare couple that hangs onto any semblance of a sex life when their relationship has been plummeting downhill. Start with simple affection like squeezing their hand when they say something nice to you. Then add in goodbye and hello kisses at each end of the day. Begin to cuddle up with them on the sofa again. Then make your intentions known by telling them you'd love to rekindle things between the sheets.

To find your nearest Relate ring 0300 100 1234

An edited version of this article was published in the Express newspaper

Embarking on an affair?

22/05/2012

Have you embarked on an affair with someone? And are they supposedly in a happy phase of their relationship? I ask because I answered one woman's dilemma about having an affair with a man that's engaged. See my advice at my weekly Love Clinic at iVillage UK that goes live later today.

You might be pretty surprised someone would have an affair when they're engaged - but that's a person is probably looking for risk, entertainment and a few thrills.

TODAY’S TIP: if someone comes on to you and you find out there in the early stages of love [and I can't being engaged is fairly early] walkaway very very quickly!

You've got to ask yourself why you would get involved with someone like that? It's only get it ends in tears. No matter what "connection" you think you have it's not based on real love.

Looking forward to a family birthday dinner out in town tonight - going to their favourite veggie restaurant - if it's good food I'll do a review tomorrow.

Happy Tuesday, Pam x

Facing today with a positive attitude, the first steps to getting the intimacy back...

21/05/2012

Hope you're going to kick start your week by planning to enjoy the highlights of the week and facing any issues and work with the best possible attitude!

Chatting about men giving each other compliments and how they struggle with that on heart FM Northwest and Wales after 8 AM - as a man's you find it hard to complement another man? Love chatting to Angela and Spence - always fun!

Long day of work ahead but looking forward to seeing Tom Allen's standup show tonight - love going out on a Monday evening when possible.

A lot of people up in touch ever intimacy issues - and long-term relationships it's so easy to lose that intimate touch - and I just don't mean sexually I mean emotionally too.

TODAY’S TIP: a couple of the most important things to consider are being kinder to each other when you've been neglectful. Start showing kindness and consideration in small ways. Even if you that a bad day, say, tell them you knew they've also worked hard.

Spread the compliments and let them know what you appreciate about them.

You can be honest and say you felt at the distance and you want to bridge that gap - start that conversation by telling them you love them and you want both of you feel happier.

And then don't forget the romance particular if you're hoping to get back between the sheets. Some romance will get that person feeling much more loved up. Getting loved up leads to feeling a bit sexier.

But also the practical - relationship research shows that men who helped out more around the house have more fun in the bedroom with their partner. Don't underestimate the power of being helpful!

Hope your week gets off to a really good start, Pamx

Have an amazing weekend!

19/05/2012

Here's hoping the sun breaks through -- it has a bit my end!

I forgot to mention that my article about creating a step family or at least if you're dating someone with children went live yesterday afternoon on MSN UK - if you need some tips it's full of them. I've seen it from both sides as a step mum and my first marriage and in my second marriage my husband is step dad to my children. it's an amazing thing when you get it working and everyone feels appreciated!

Back on Monday, take care of yourself, Pamx

When collecting things turn into something darker, dating someone with children...

18/05/2012

Later today I have an article going live about dating someone with children - eesh there are so many rules and regulations to make this kind of relationship work! I'll tweet it later.

Are you a collector? Maybe it's china dolls, autographs, beer mats, stamps, Star Trek memorabilia, thimbles? Collecting is great, many people enjoy these hobbies but there is a slippery slope into obsessive collecting. I've commented about this in today's Sun newspaper - there's a story of one woman's My Little Pony collection - each to their own is what I say!

TODAY’S TIP: but when collecting turned into an obsession it can wreak havoc in your relationships and even your work. People get into debt adding to their collections. They can’t sleep at night and they lose their appetite.

If these things are happening to you, you have to set firm boundaries on the amount of time and money you allow for your obsession.

Enjoy it while it's fun but beware of the darker side!

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

 

Date nights, wishing your partner was different in some way...

17/05/2012

Looking forward to chatting to Annie Othen on her BBC Radio Coventry and Warwickshire show this morning at 1045. Evidently David and Samantha Cameron have a regular date night - we're going to chat about thoses and if they work. I definitely do but some people think their waste of time...how can looking aft eryour relationship be a waste of time?

We're back to Thursday and that means I've just posted a new "your e-mail of the week" - thank you for all your e-mails! I'm really touched by some of the feedback! Today it's from ‘Alex’ [often e-mailers change their names - but I do if they don't] who loves brunettes but his with a blonde girlfriend and has a proposition for her. Check my advice at the gold star on my homepage.

TODAY’S TIP: we often end up with people who don't exactly fit our view of what's attractive - and it doesn't matter because we love their personalities so much.

And it's the personality that will keep you enthralled longer than whether or not someone has a particular hair colour.

Saying that I realise you can open up all sorts possibilities for sex-perimentation when it comes to having fun transforming your looks even just a little bit for some fantasy play.

Be open minded, try it you might like it... like having A different coloured wig for every occasion.

Happy Thursday, Pamx

If truth be told...little white lies can be a good thing...

16/05/2012

Do you tell those little white lies to make your partner feel good? I'm not talking big whoppers like covering up something bad like an affair - but those things that make us feel a bit better.

I've written a comment piece in today's Express newspaper about why we do this. It's off the back of a survey that found just how many men will fit to their partners to avoid a tiff while shopping... You can imagine that they fit the classic does my bum look big in this question!

It's good to be fun tonight on twitter as I'm helping to host a #LetsTalkAboutSex twitter party with iVillage UK where there'll be some prizes to give away and I'll be giving some advice.

Do join in from 9 PM - 10 PM - you might want to tweet something about relationships or comment on one of the questions we'll be asking. It's going to be informative and fun!

TODAY’S TIP: one of the biggest tips I have to offer about sex and relationships is about your confidence. When you have good, solid general confidence it's an amazing springboard for sorting out issues that every relationship has.

You can't throw two people together - despite them falling for each other - and not expect their two different sets of likes and dislikes, etc. not to cause conflict. Of course it will!

But when you have at least enough confidence you're much more likely to deal with it in a way that sorts it out and improves your relationship.

Keep boosting yours, be positive about yourself, Pamx

You don't have to let anger eat you up, are you dating a 'player'

15/05/2012

Inspiration this morning comes from hearing the Dalai Lama interviewed on BBC Radio 4. yesterday he was honoured with an annual Templeton prize worth 1,100,000 of which is giving the majority to Save the Children.

He discussed how he handles the emotion of anger - he doesn't 'do it' - he says that allowing himself to get angry harms him more then whatever he's angry about. He obviously doesn't let anger eats him up the way sadly too many do.

Interested in someone but can't tell they're a bit of a game player? Sometimes we're drawn like magnets to people we know might not be very reliable, etc. it's a challenge - you probably realize that you might be finding it hard to resist. I've tackled this issue in my weekly Love Clinic at iVillage UK. Check it out if you're in this situation.

TODAY’S TIP: there are two simple rules to follow in these situations – 1/ what's your intuition telling you? Listen to it! It's probably right about this person.

2/ What's your motivation for wanting to get involved with someone like that? Do you like a bit of a drama? Or is your self-esteem quiet living you figure you can't do any better?

Handle these situations very carefully so you don't get burnt. Understand what your motivation is to be involved with this sort of person and it'll make you stronger.

Take care, Pamx

As tweeted about - a little article on anxiety...

14/05/2012

Worrying Women: Are You Part of The Female Anxiety-Plague?

Let me help you overcome anxiety

Recent shocking statistics from the Mental Health Foundation suggest 7 million of us suffer anxiety. We all know how unpleasant those stomach-churning, fear-inducing feelings can be. I find women in particular have certain anxieties revolving around how we feel in comparison to others. With anxieties involving things like do we look as good, are we achieving as much, are our relationships as happy, children as well-behaved, etc., as those around us.

Take my mini-quiz to identify your levels of the female anxiety-plague:

1/ Do anxious feelings drive you to negative behaviours like comfort eating or drinking?

A/Yes, I have a big problem reacting in negative ways to anxiety

B/Sometimes I do negative things like comfort eat when feeling anxious

C/No, I don't react to anxiety in this way

2/ Do you compare yourself unfavourably in any way to the women you know?

A/Yes, I'm always comparing myself negatively to other women

B/Sometimes I compare myself unfavourably

C/I don't compare myself unfavourably 

3/ How frequently do you worry about being "good enough" - whether in the way you look or in what you do -

A/ I'm always worrying about being "good enough"

B/I sometimes worry about being "good enough"

C/I rarely/don't worry about being "good enough"

4/ How often does anxiety keep you awake at night?

A/Most nights I lie awake feeling anxious

B/Some nights I lie awake feeling anxious

C/Rarely do I lie awake because of anxiety

5/ Do you constantly worry about having to "prove" yourself (e.g., that you're doing well, that your relationship is great, etc.) even to your friends?

A/ I'm often trying to show/prove how well I'm doing to others

B/I sometimes think about how I can prove myself

C/I never/rarely worry about proving myself

3-5 A Answers: SKY-HIGH ANXIETY – you're part of the female anxiety plague

You’re prone to damaging levels of anxiety. The sooner you address this, the better. The longer anxiety affects you, the more entrenched it can become with 3 to 4% of the population suffering serious generalised anxiety disorder (GAD). Those with GAD feel anxious with almost every waking moment.

Take action on anxiety now:

Take Control - Right now anxiety is controlling you rather than you controlling it. Keep a diary for a week of your anxious thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Then examine it and familiarise yourself with "the enemy" - your anxiety. Note when your anxiety peaks and what sets it off, etc.

Understand The Enemy - Having familiarised yourself with the pattern of your anxiety over a week think about what you've learnt. Maybe you’ve identified that particular people or situations that make you anxious. Then, once anxious, you respond in negative ways. If so, question yourself why you give them this power over your feelings, leaving you anxious?

Plan Your Tactics - Maybe you need to assert yourself with certain people or start expecting a more positive response from yourself. Plan what you need to say and practice it, giving you confidence to set your boundaries.  Or maybe you need to stop putting people on a pedestal. Practice visualising others as ordinary people doing ordinary things. Get quirky and imagine them in the bathroom! This’ll help get them off those pedestals you've put them on.

Stop Comparing - You've got that little "devil on your shoulder" that keeps comparing you to others around you. The moment it starts chattering is the moment you tell it to "stop!" You have the power to silence those nagging doubts making you anxious that you're not as good as others. It takes practice and needs to become a habit. Just as your habit to compare yourself unfavourably to others needs to be broken.

Out of Sight, Out Of Mind – While chipping away at your anxieties avoid dwelling on fashion magazines, etc., that make you angst over how you don't "look like others".

Do You Own PR - Not only should you "talk yourself up" daily but you should learn to sing your praises to others where beneficial. It's no good slaving away on a project that your manager’s too busy to notice. Ask them for five minutes and give them "the headlines" of what you've accomplished. You can share your successes, ideas, and happy moments with friends and family without sounding arrogant or self-centred.  And it gives you a chance to ask them about theirs.

See Your GP for potential CBT referral - If you can't get anxiety under control then definitely ask for referral for cognitive behavioural therapy.

 

1-2 A Answers: RISKY-LEVEL ANXIETY - you're susceptible to the female anxiety plague

Although you don't have sky high anxiety you need to prevent anxious feelings getting out of control. Try the suggestions above.

No A Answers: LOW RISK ANXIETY – you're at very low risk to the female anxiety plague

You're able to challenge anxious feelings and keep things in perspective. At the heart of the female anxiety plague is an urge to compare yourself. You’re more concerned with getting on with your own life than worrying about how others live. That's the right attitude!


An edited version of this was published in The Express Newspaper

Love a bit of romance, getting better sex and love...

14/05/2012

Hope your weekend was everything you wanted! If you ended up rowing with your partner take a good look at how YOU can make things better? You'll get farther than just finger pointing at them.

Lovely to see Lady Gaga is engaged - well at least she's flashing a big rock - she's always struck me as someone who's had the highs and lows in relationships. Love a bit of romance! 

Preparing for a twitter party I'm hosting Wednesday night for iVillage UK about getting better sex and love - it's going to be fun - exact details on Wednesday that it will be between 9 and 10 PM - with some lovely little giveaways too.

Apart from the usual chores [boring!] had a great weekend seeing Robin Ince’s comedy show and then friends came over for a barbecue yesterday.

TODAY’S TIP: Loneliness is a big problem so if you felt lonely over the weekend make a plan today for one step you can take to meeting some new friends.

The best tip? Check out local adult evening classes into something you're interested in - wine tasting, salsa dancing, history, art, what ever you like you'll meet like-minded people.

Also don't forget to try and be a bit friendlier at work and suggest to a colleague you like going out for drinks one night after work. Sometimes colleagues become really good friends so don't hold back.

Get out there and make the most of things, Pamx

Have a lovely weekend and get some comedy in your life...

12/05/2012

Can't wait to go see Robin Ince's show tonight - he's the master of comedy that is smart and always surprising.

There's nothing like a comedy night to produce lots of those feel-good endorphins. Research shows that a good laugh boosts these important bran chemicals that lift your mood. I always advise people are feeling a bit low watch their favorite comedy DVD or old sitcom.

Hope you're planning a lovely weekend - definitely connect with a friend, family member, someone you care about! I hear from so many people who stay isolated at the weekend - sometimes just because they're catching up on chores - everyone needs a bit of ‘people contact’.

TODAY’S TIP: Have been asked a lot of parenting dilemmas recently and here's a thought:

when it comes to anything we do as parents we need to question our motivation - we all hear about those parents who live their dreams to their children. Will sometimes parents do things so they can stay emotionally over-close to their children.

Always good to explore the motivations behind the choices you make for the love and care you give your child.

Love them to bits but don't use them to fill some emotional need in you. Hmm, big stuff for a weekend!

Have a lovely one, Pamx

Good vibrations, getting back with an ex...

11/05/2012

You might be an old hand at playing with sex toys but if you haven't experimented much with them check out my Sun newspaper online column today - my Sex and Love Academy offers lots of tips for good vibrations.

Also in the Sun today I've commented about why Rihanna seems to be on such a public downward spiral. If it's more than "partying" I hope she - and anyone in that situation - gets the help they need. please don't hide from your demons, face them.

With Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel spotted out this week back together again - are you thinking of getting back with your ex? I've written an article about making it work the second time around on MSN UK Her channel that's gone live.

Relationship research shows that something like 80% of couples do try again - usually almost immediately after the first breakup.

How many go on to have a successful second stab at love isn't known - but you can definitely enhance your chances with the tips in my article.

TODAY’S TIP: this issue of getting back together again only came up recently - I think within the last week as it's so common - the key thing is to be honest about the issue or issues that broke you up: have they changed? If they haven't changed, can you change them now and do you both recognise they need to be sorted out?

Because otherwise you’ll breakup over the same things a second time around... and maybe even a third time.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

Upset with "lazy" partner, marriage for all...

10/05/2012

As usual on a Thursday I've just posted a new "your e-mail of the week" - this week it's from ‘Tom’ who's wife lost her job and isn't bothered about looking for another - much to his annoyance. Take a look at the gold star on my homepage and what my thoughts were.

Thank you so much for all of your e-mails - sorry I can only answer one each week but I try my best!

TODAY’S TIP: Tom raises the issue of ambition and drive. Often we end up with like-minded people who have similar goals. But if you find you're with someone who has far more are far less dry than you it's important to be aware these things can really start irritating.

The only way is the magic C word - communication! But only discuss it when you're both in good moods because otherwise this sort of issue ends up in a row.

So looking forward to seeing Matilda the Musical tonight - what a treat!

Obama rocks - the first US president to ever come out in support of gay marriage - love for all marriage for those who want it!

Happy Thursday, Pamx

Who's responsible for mean behaviour in girls, making excuses for avoiding sex...

09/05/2012

So who's responsible for mean behaviour in girls? Bad example from their parents? Influence of other kids? Or is it celebrities and social networking?

It's a complicated call I've commented in today's Sun newspaper about. Frankly, mean girls have been around since the dawn of time - when I was a child I can remember how you'd be in one day and out the next - you can't blame it all on modern social networking and celebrities who have falling is out.

There are far too many celebrities who have great female friendships like TVs Golden girl Holly Willoughby and BBC radio 1’s Fearn Cotton.

My weekly Love Clinic will go to live later today on iVillage UK - today I've tackled a woman's dilemma where she's making excuses not to have sex with her boyfriend... because he doesn't turn her on.

Never make excuses! It's not fair to you and it's not fair to him.

TODAY’S TIP: if someone's not doing it for you [a man or a woman] you can try leading them with your hand to touching you in places that work. Or with their mouths getting them to kiss you in a way that you like, etc.

And if that doesn't work then you need to soft sell improving their technique - always begin with a positive and tell them what they do right and then make an out be suggestion for changing what's wrong.

If that doesn't work you may have to have a heart to heart if you want to save the relationship - because faking it over a long period is a love-killer.

Take care, Pamx

Dreading going back to work? Agony touches everyone's lives at some point...

08/05/2012

Had a great time doing my regular agony aunt slot on Sue Marchant's BBC radio show and then later on Graham Torrington's BBC show last night - we chatted about everything from flirting to confidence and lots of other things. No one's life is a trouble-free zone - we all need advice at some point!

With the news of a new bomb plot being uncovered it's as if the twists and turns of fantastic American drama Homeland was really art imitating life. Thank goodness they discovered this and can look at airport technology in a new light.

 

On a  completely different and happier note there is a fun sounding programme about the makers of sex toys tonight on Channel 4 - More sex please, we're British gets behind the scenes of Bath-based company Lovehoney...quite a buzz about it! :-)

 

It's funny how at the end of the bank holiday I get lots of e-mails about people dreading going back to work. The problem is the longer the time off - and the less you like your job - the more you don't want to go back to it.

It's crucial to your well-being to make the most of your situation and to you can hopefully change your job.

TODAY’S TIP: the first thing you need to do is look at what is making your stomach lurch thinking about going back to work? Is it something you can solve or change for the better? Do you need to talk to your manager or someone else to make it better?

If for whatever reason it’s something you can't change - then while you're at work make the most of spending time with colleagues you like while you take evening classes or extra skills training to get you into a job you'd like more.

You can make the situation better but it might take some effort and enthusiasm - definitely worth it!

Take care, Pamx

Indoor barbecues and get in touch on my agony aunt slot

07/05/2012

Love a lie in on a Monday bank holiday!

Saw American Pie Reunion yesterday. It does what it says on the tin - if you're after some juvenile jokes it's got plenty! Don't go if that doesn't appeal to you.

Had a lovely indoor barbecue at a friend’s house yesterday - where was the sunshine? We thought we'd around the barbecue in coats but it just got too cold so we took all of her tasty food indoors. but it didn't matter because what more do you need than friends, food and a great mix of tunes in the background?

Looking forward to doing two agony slots tonight - first on the lovely Sue Marchant's BBC radio Eastern regions show at 715. I join her the first Monday of every month for an agony hour. You can text your dilemma at 7pm to 81333. Begin your text with Sue followed by your question. And you can listen live at the BBC radio Cambridgeshire website.

Then at 10 PM I join the wonderful Graham Torrington for an hour on sex and relationships and discussing my new book Sex Academy on BBC West Midlands radio. Please join us from 10 to 11 PM

TODAY’S TIP: Someone once asked me if I got fed up with doing agony aunt work - no way!! Yes, many people have problems with the same themes - divorce, abuse, anger management, loneliness, finding love, etc. etc. - but no two stories are the same.

So what you get in touch with me or any other agony aunt remember those who care will give you individually tailored advice.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Music legend is gone and chilling on the bank holiday...

05/05/2012

Happy long weekend to you - hope you have lovely plans!

Gutted to hear that the musical genius Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys succumbed to his cancer - though they formed in 1979 they made their impact on the music scene from the early-mid-80s they had enormous influence - from being white (& Jewish) rappers (hey, we wouldn't have had Vanilla Ice without them) to their genius sampling.

Had many good times (You gotta) fight for the right (to party)! Rap in peace XOX

Onwards with the bank holiday and thankfully I'm not cooking as the hubby is taking over in the kitchen and making some tasty Indian dishes for some old friends of his tonight. Woot I just get to enjoy and reap the benefits!

Have heard from quite a few people in response to my dating after a breakup article I posted yesterday on my homepage under "hot off the press". It seems even if the breakup was your choice it's still hard to get back out there - and very true with some of the older e-mailers from, e.g., early 30s onwards.

TODAY’S TIP: Take your time if you're not quite ready to get back out there on the singles scene another month or so won't make a difference.

If it helps make you emotionally stronger to take some time out the don't be pressured by people to "get back out there!"

You be the judge of when you're ready to for fun or even love.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

Getting over a breakup and thinking about dating again...

04/05/2012

Wow, I've had lots of e-mails from people who want to start dating again... maybe this has something to do with the time of year and people wanting to be loved up for the summer.

So I thought this was the perfect time to paste a new article on "hot off the press" about getting started again. Check it out on that part of my homepage.

If you like pomegranate juice they've just found an unexpected side effect to daily intake... appears it has some properties of natural Viagra! I love pomegranates the problem is the juice has lots of natural sugar in it...could it just be a sugar rush giving men extra energy??

TODAY’S TIP: Back to dating after a breakup - I've been there and done that and I know how scary it is. It's easy to feel unworthy of love cheat if you've had a bad breakup or divorce. The best thing is to take your time and don't rush.

You may think you want to find love straightaway but actually dating a few people casually to get lots of practice in is a good way to start. When I say casually I don't mean having casual sex with random people!

I just mean taking it easy and not rushing into something with the first person you date.

Happy hunting, Pamx

A few thoughts on sex drive as tweeted about....

03/05/2012

More than 50% of couples experience mismatched sex drives

The main reasons why women lose their sexual energy, desire or drive, are very similar to the reasons why men lose their desire. These reasons, or "sex stressors" as I call them, for both men and women include:

ü  lifestyle issues like out-of-control stress and long working hours

ü  lifestyle choices like drinking to excess, smoking, ‘recreational’ drug use, and being overweight that leads to poor circulation – good circulation is important to sexual arousal

ü  emotional problems like depression and anxiety

ü  relationship difficulties, a lack of communication, or arguments with their partner that leads to unsatisfactory sex or a complete lack of desire and arousal

ü  unsatisfactory sex technique and feeling inhibited to ask to try different things

ü  certain physical problems like having a bad back, excessive fatigue after childbirth and in the early months of child rearing

ü  other surprising things can affect your levels of sexual energy including medication - typically anti-depressants and blood pressure medications lower sex drive and affect arousal, unrelated worries like over financial problems, and even plain old boredom and routine

Do any of these sex stressors apply to you, your relationship and/or Your life? I'd actually be surprised if at least one didn't.

Here are a couple real life problems [names change]...

Jonathan's question:

I’m very stressed out and have anxiety problems. This makes getting in the mood really difficult. And sometimes when we start having sex, I lose my focus and we have to stop. My girlfriend wants a better sex life. What can I do to satisfy her and myself?

Thoughts on solving it:
You can‘t treat the symptoms - which in reality is yours and her sexual satisfaction - you have to treat your anxiety problem. I hope you've spoken to your doctor about your anxiety. If not, you need to do so. In the meantime keep an anxiety diary where you note down the anxious periods during your day. After a week you may find it helps you identify your anxiety peaks.

Most who suffer from anxiety problems have a distinct pattern. Perhaps you worry most at bedtime, on waking, and towards the end of your day when you worry you haven’t finished things. When you've identified your peaks of anxiety, you need to tackle what causes these. For example, do you have anxious thoughts about not finishing your jobs during the day? Try some self-affirmations where you say, e.g., "why am I worrying? I've achieved lots today! The rest doesn't matter!"

Having got to grips with your anxiety, the symptoms of your anxiety - like the lack of sexual desire - will start to diminish.

Deborah's question:

Does birth control really affect your sex drive? I am at a point where I just don’t want to have sex and it’s becoming a problem. I am fine on my "week off" and then horrible when I am on the pills.

Thoughts on solving it:

It varies tremendously between women how much the birth control pill affects their sex drive and desire, and mood. Some women feel absolutely no effect and others experience strong side-effects that completely destroys their desire for sex. As there are so many options available you'd be best advised to go to your health care provider and discuss trying another type of birth control pill. You might find a different type doesn't affect your sex drive in this way.

It's crucial to let your husband know that you’re concerned over the affect your pill might be having on your desire. You don't want to keep him in the dark about this. Men (and women!) frequently blame themselves for their partner being turned off sex - when there may be another cause, as in your case the pill.

 

Public displays of affection, your partner's past relationships...

03/05/2012

I'm happy to see David and Victoria Beckham sharing a few kisses in public in the press today but already there been people grumbling...what's so wrong with a couple that have four children and have been through ups and downs actually cementing their relationship and being happy? That applies to anyone! Sure I don't want to see people doing Deep Throat French kissing but warm affection must lift us up a little bit, mustn't it? 

It's that time of the week – Thursday - so I've just posted a new e-mail from one of you... it's from “Charlie” who'ss worried that his girlfriend might be bisexual. Take a look on my homepage at the gold ‘star’ for my reply.

Do keep e-mailing I really appreciate getting them - sorry I can't reply to them and can only post one a week. I work long hours and don't have anyone to help me with the website so it's the best I can do.

TODAY’S TIP: If you're worried about your partner's sexuality the only way you'll get through this is with complete honesty.

They have to know they won't be rejected for, e.g., experimenting in the past. To have that kind of honesty you have to have trust...you trust each other not to ridicule or reject.

It's a tall order but if you can do this you'll strengthen your relationship.

Take care, Pamx

Is wanting children breaking you two up? Men and their conquests...

02/05/2012

Looking forward to chatting about celebrity men [Tony Blackburn was in the press yesterday] who talk about their conquests with Mike Parr on BBC radio Tees at 1050 this morning... don't they realise quality is always better than quantity?

Are you a couple that has argued over having children? There are a couple key reasons why children become an issue - one of you wants them and the other doesn't. Or one of you wants more and the other doesn't. On my weekly Love Clinic on iVillage UK I've tackled one woman's dilemma about this... she and her husband have two sons – she would love another child and he wants a vasectomy.

You might wonder why he just doesn't have a third? Well he didn't want any children in the first place and gave in to her wishes. Of course he loves his children now but I have strong feelings that he is in the right.

TODAY’S TIP: whether to have children or not is one of the real deal breakers for couples. It's how you approach this difficult situation that can make all the difference and see you through.

Yelling and screaming isn't the way! Calm discussion will help you find out, e.g., why that person doesn't want any children. It might be they fear they'll never be a good parent. Or they fear for your relationship if children take up all your time. Or it could be a dozen other reasons.

Keep calm and get to the bottom of your differences and who knows where it might lead.

Fingers crossed you work it out, Pamx

Isn't today a day for lovers?

01/05/2012

Chatting relationships at 11:20 AM this morning with Mark Murphy at BBC radio Suffolk - Join us for lots of relationship tips!

Is May Day supposed to be about finding love? Or is that some something I've just made up?

Whatever, let's say that May Day is all about finding love for the summer... so if you're looking it's time to get new places.

I've got that saying new places equals new faces - you've got to cast your net wide - and the best way to do that is be prepared for random romantic opportunities.

 

Oh no another male celebrity talking about his conquests! Evidently Tony Blackburn has had more than 500 lovers - do they not get its quality not quantity??

 

TODAY’S TIP: Back to love and how can you be prepared to meet someone? By going out in clothing that you feel confident in. So don't slouch to work in your oldest work clothes!

Be ready with confident posture for when those big doors open and suddenly you see someone desirable. Body language says close down and looking miserable won't get them looking back at you!

Also have that smile on tap - give that person you've just noticed a little smile and hopefully they'll smile back and you might start a conversation.

Obviously be safe if you're trying to meet someone and you smile and get chatting to someone in a bar.

I'm trusting you know how to look after yourself!

Happy hunting, Pamx

It's a very exciting day for me today...I've given birth!

30/04/2012

They say writing a book is like giving birth and I'm so excited to give birth to my new sex and love guide today - it's called Sex Academy - Essential lessons in seduction and spectacular  sex

I was delighted when author and sex expert Siski Green endorsed it as essentially the ultimate sex guide to come out as it covers the A to Z of practically everything you'd want to know.

Today on twitter I'll be giving away two signed copies - so follow me on my homepage it's @drpamspurr

When I started writing it I wanted it to cover something for everyone from flirting - how to do it well and how to recognize when someone is flirting with you.

To what attracts people to each other, the body language of attraction, a vast number of sexual confidence building techniques and communication techniques.

It also covers oral sex, a huge number of sex positions, kinky sex and lots of interesting tips, tricks and techniques for you to try.

I hope you check it out on my homepage - it's advice that comes straight from the heart and from interviews with a couple thousand people over the last 10 years.

TODAY’S TIP: Always ask for what you really want. Too many people are frightened of asking for what they want in bed. But there are ways to ask and get what you want and there are ways to ask and upset your partner.

Check out my guide for loads of tips of how to ask for what you want in bed.

Happy loving, Pamx

Some easy tips to spice up your life, control and power in relationships

27/04/2012

Hope you're planning a lovely weekend! I've got a treat for you in my fortnightly Sun newspaper online Sex and Love Academy column that's gone live today... 10 easy and do-able tips from my new book being published on Monday.

Sometimes people just need one or two simple ideas to spice things up. Hope you find it helpful!

it's reported Cheryl Cole is going to try Internet dating - good for her - everyone needs to widen their circle of opportunity as I call it and try new things... She just needs to remember that about 50% of what people claim about themselves are fibs!

Your brain needs a workout so try something new this weekend - doesn't have to cost much but the payoff in stimulating how you feel generally is potentially enormous. something as simple as going for a walk in a beauty spot can freshen up your brain power.

Watched Antonia Banderas as the rather crazed Frankenstein-type doctor in The skin I live in last night - he proved he can actually act rather than just we've been as Zoro or whatever. It was an extraordinary film although I wouldn't recommend watching it as a first date movie!

TODAY’S TIP: one thing it looks at is control and power in relationships - the balance of these change over time - have and flow as one partner or other goes through a strong, confident patch. Let no one should ever have control or power over you in an abusive way!

You know what I mean about the natural flow of power in a good relationship - very different to someone who tries to undermine you, put you down and control you that way.

Look after yourself and support each other!

Happy Friday, Pamx

G-spot discoveries pleasure or pain? & he's using Internet porn...

26/04/2012

Did news that you may be able to discover your G-spot after all make you groan with pleasure or annoyance? I've commented in today's Express newspaper about how women feel such pressure over this whole issue - important thing is you just enjoy what you like doing in bed and not feeling you have to go on a major worldwide search for a G-spot!

It's Thursday so I've just posted my answer to one of your e-mails on my homepage - from a woman who's worried about her partner's use of Internet porn. "Chloe" fears she may not be enough. Check it out on my homepage if Internet porn has touched your relationship. Thanks for your e-mails!

TODAY’S TIP: there's nothing wrong with porn that's made with consenting adults and used occasionally to spice things up - but there's lots wrong if it's become a problem and it's affecting your relationship.

Here comes the ‘C’ word - it's all about communication! Be honest about why using Internet porn and try and find a way forward together. You may be able to work out a compromise we may have to give it up if it's become a problem.

Do get in touch with sex addicts anonymous - their number and site is easily available on the net.

Take care of yourselves, Pamx

Have a penpal who was in prison? Cross-dressing affecting your relationship?

25/04/2012

Check out today's Sun newspaperfor an extreme case of Caroline story - she's attracted to the most serious murderers and rapists. I've given my view on the dangerous emotional path she's taken.

Has the man in your life taken a shine to your underwear and makeup? Are you a man that enjoys a bit of cross dressing? Later today my weekly Love Clinic goes live on iVillage UK - I've tackled one woman's dilemma about the boyfriend she loves and his love of feminine things.

It doesn't have to finish a relationship! It doesn't mean a man is gay or some sort of kinky guy! Cross-dressing needs understanding and is different for every man.  

TODAY’S TIP: whether it's cross-dressing or some other thing like a fetish that's come up between you - that one of you doesn't understand - it's time for honesty. Honesty takes the fear out of the unknown!

Without honesty things end up as secrets and lies and that's not healthy for either of you.

Sit down, be strong, and here your partner and what's going on.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

 

Who would you trust more, a man or woman? Affairs in unexpected places...

24/04/2012

Looking forward to chatting to Graham Torrington on his BBC Midlands radio show tonight after 10 PM - about that age-old battle of the sexes - and whether we women can be counted on more than men. Are women more trustworthy and moral? Join the discussion online at BBC Midlands radio.

So it's reported today that the veteran TV presenter Clive James had an eight-year affair - I really feel for Mrs. James but are we that surprise? Some of the seemingly most stable people do some of the strangest and unexpected things.

There are so many reasons why a person decides to have an affair:

Sometimes it's about feeling neglected other times it's about impulsive decision, sometimes it's addictive and other times it's the flattery you may well have been what happened here.

Don't make any big decisions in the immediate aftermath of discovering an affair. You certainly don't want to take revenge and get in trouble yourself when you're spitting tacks and hurt beyond belief!

TODAY’S TIP: here's one little tip to help prevent people feeling neglected - actually look at your partner when they're speaking.

Remember when you could barely take your eyes off them? Within the first few years that eye contact drops dramatically.

But relationship research shows when you don't have eye contact you start drifting apart. If deep down you love them and want the relationship to work then take a moment to look at them as they speak and ask them for their attention when you're speaking.

Take care of your love, Pamx

 

You can be laughed between the sheets but beware, keeping a bit of mystery...

23/04/2012

Good to see Imogen Thomas talking about binge eating in today's Sun newspaper - the more celebrities talk about things like eating disorders the more it helps people suffering in silence. I wish her and anyone experiencing this the best - look after yourself!

One thing I find that attracts people (and relationship research shows this is particularly true for women being attracted by men) is a GSOH - a good sense of humour.

Not only does it make flirting easier when you're having a laugh but laughter stimulates endorphins.

Endorphins are those feel-good hormones that you also get after exercise. I'm always telling people to get laughter into their life.

Sometimes though humour can reflect other things like nerves or a childish side so I've just posted a new article under "hot off the press" about being laughed between the sheets.

Oh dear another celebrity autobiography on the way as Cheryl Cole decides to lift the lid on her life. If I could get a hold of her I'd say DON'T TO IT! People always regret revealing too much - never known anyone who doesn't.

TODAY’S TIP: You can also reveal things you might regret in a new relationships - if you've just met someone don't reveal too much too soon. At best it might create doubt in their mind about you and things like if can you keep a secret if you're prepared to give away so much personal information.

And at worst it looks desperate like you want to bond very quickly.

So take it a little bit at a time - it's like your revealing the mysteries of your life and you don't want to do it all in one go. That's what they used to mean in past generations about retaining a little mystery.

Happy Monday, Pamx

To tell or not to tell when suspicious about an affair....

21/04/2012

Calling all cat owners - was horrified to read about this mystery disease that has turned some family pets into "living robots".

Evidently it tends to strike older cats but be vigilant and if you latest any stiffening in your cats limbs get them to the vet!

 

As you know I only answer one e-mail of the week on Thursdays but one of the e-mails that grabbed my attention asked about whether the e-mailer should tell her friend that her friend's husband was having an affair.

This is a biggie!

TODAY’S TIP: My view is this: the person being cheated on practically always knows and doesn't need telling.

Bearing that in mind if you’re close friends then do tell them of your suspicions. But be very sure beforehand that you have real evidence.

If you don't, they may turn their fury on you for rocking the boat. Remember the old saying "don't shoot the messenger"... well it happens a lot in these cases - and you're the messenger.

If you don't know them very well then don't say anything. As I said, they probably already know and they won't appreciate someone on the fringes of their social circle knowing too.

If it all blows up and offer your support. If they ask you down the line whether or not you knew be honest that you had suspicions but didn't want to cause problems.

Always put yourself in the person's shoes and think how you'd feel and what you would want to know - and what you wouldn't want to hear - and the people you wouldn't want telling you!

Have a family birthday over the weekend and have wracked my brains for some surprises...er, it can't be cookery surprises since I'm not the best cook in the world... Far from it! Although I am making a chocolate devil's food cake recipe.

What with family friends coming for dinner tonight too it's going to stretch my meager cooking abilities!

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

Where's your money going and have a love MOT...

20/04/2012

Who are you leaving your money to when you pass away? Just heard an interview on BBC radio 4 of a very wealthy businessman who manufactures water coolers and is putting the business and money into a trust so his two daughters don't inherit. Sounds like a recipe for family World War III? Actually his daughter gave an interview to and she sounded absolutely fine about it. That's unusual!

Money's at the root of so many family rows - it tears families apart. Be wise if you have children teach them to use money sensibly - don't it as a bargaining chip and source of power within your family.

Loved all the history and the beautiful architecture in the House of Commons yesterday for the relationship reception and conference. If you have a chance go on one of their guided tours!

The Government are committed to supporting relationships although the £30 million promised to certain services is but a drop in the ocean when so many families are falling apart.

We heard about the research that shows when their children involved if the parents have a good enough relationship their education is better, their health is better they're less likely to have mental health issues, less likely to get involved in petty crime - just everything is better!

TODAY’S TIP: to keep your relationship healthy have a regular Love MOT - you do this for your car why wouldn't you do it for yourselves?

Carve out at least one day every 6 to 8 weeks to turn off your mobiles, don't meet up with friends or family, go for a walk, chill out, have a lien and have some sex - stay focused on each other. When you spend that kind of time then it easier to discuss issues when they arise.

Go for it - have your Love MOT -- your relationship is worth it

happy weekend, Pamx

When sex is not enough, diets don't work healthy living does

19/04/2012

It's Thursday and that means I've just posted a new "your e-mail of the week"- check it out on my homepage. It's from ‘Keith’ - he's wondering about his relationship where the sex is great but it seems be going nowhere.

You can't make a lasting relationship built purely on sex. Check my advice to him and thanks for all your e-mails!

Sorry to read that BBCradio4 Woman's hour presenter Jenni Murray has put back on the five stone she lost on the Dukan diet - Hate to break it to you but restricted diets don't work. Humans were meant to have a varied diet and take exercise. try to enrich your diet with lots of healthy food, and increase how much you do things like walking - slow but sure is the way!

Off to the House of Commons later for a relationship conference and reception - very excited and thankfully you don't have to wear a hat there...not a hat person.

It's about how to support relationship so that they don't fall apart so easily. This isn't about the ‘nanny state’ this is about getting good sound information out to couples to help them negotiate the troubled waters all relationships face.

TODAY’S TIP: Back to highly sexed relationships: sometimes people fool themselves that because the sex is great it's actually true love or they can force the relationship into a long-term one. Not true!

So my tip today is think about this: if you spend most of your time in bed together [and it's a few months in] but otherwise you don't really have much to share - this may just be a sex thing. If you're looking for more think carefully about investing much more time in this.

Enjoy(!) your day, Pamx

When you end up sleeping with a friend, engagement rings say so much about his feelings...

18/04/2012

Have you just got engaged? Congratulations! But what kind of ring to give you? I've given a little comment about six celebrity engagement rings what they say about his feelings in the Sun newspaper. Heck in this recession I think anyone's lucky to get an engagement ring let alone the massive rocks these celebrity women have got!

But it's true - when you choose something that important for someone at an emotional and psychological level it reflects your feelings.

So do you have a friend and then one night you happen to sleep with that friend? And then it all went a bit funny and awkward? This probably happens to most people at least once in their lifetime and I've answered a dilemma about this on my weekly Love Clinic on iVillage UK - check it out for my advice.

It usually goes awkward for one of two reasons - you liked it and you'd like to deepen your friendship into more or you liked it but don't want to deepen things and fear the other person does. Of course sometimes one of you doesn't like it but that's rarer

Today is National Stalking Awareness Day - you can ring End to Stalking on 0808 802 0300 for info and advice. They open Wednesdays at 1pm and other weekdays from 9.30 till 4. Share this you're not alone!

Very excited to be going to the House of Commons tomorrow for a conference on how to support relationships in our stressful society - do I need to wear a hat? Haha - think not! Have been there for conferences before but not for a very few years. It's just the history of the place that's awe inspiring.

TODAY’S TIP: If you two have much of a friendship anyone a salvage things you don't talk about it. And make sure you talk about it when sober - going out and getting drunk you'll probably end up in bed again and it may complicate things further.

And if you can't talk about it then maybe the friendship wasn't so sound to begin with. Important hold your head high one should try and move on and chore put up to experience.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Do you take the moral high ground? Are you under pressure to get married...

17/04/2012

I wasn't that surprised Prof. of philosophy Roger Steare’s work on morality finds we women come out on top. When it comes to the way we face life's moral dilemmas we’re more likely to consider the feelings of others - despite it being 2012 many women are more likely to be "people pleaser's" - sometimes unnecessarily so but many times in the kindest possible way..

I've commented about this in today's Sun newspaper and made a fun moral compass quiz for you to take - have you got the morals of Fagan in Oliver Twist or something a bit higher I hope?

And despite trying to share the load with men we still end up juggling the needs of so many people in our lives from our partners, our children, friends, colleagues and often put ourselves last.

I've written an article that's gone live on MSN UK Her channel about bending to the pressure to get married - as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie get engaged. There are so many people who put you under pressure and my article points out that you need to draw a line with them.

TODAY’S TIP: if it's your children who want you to get married think very carefully about how strongly they feel when they see friends parents married. Children like to fit in and although we should encourage our children to be unique people they are there certain things where they just want to be the same.

Ultimately it's up to you but it might be fun to have your children act as page boy or bridesmaid at your wedding one day.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Thinking of having an open relationship...

16/04/2012

Hope you can start the week pretending that Monday is going to be the best possible day - fake it to make it -Mondays don't have to be negative!

Have you been in an open relationship? They seem to be on the increase and in all different shapes and sizes!  After 10 AM I'm discussing these with Jane Garvey on Woman's Hour at BBC radio 4. They're not my cup of tea but I certainly don't judge others who enjoy polyamory.

In my role as an agony aunt and life coach I suppose I hear from more people who've had bad experiences. Just think about how difficult it is for two people to relate in a traditional couple - their two sets of expectations, needs and desires often clash. So what's it like when three or more sets of these expectations and desires come together?

Yes it's that much more complicated.

TODAY’S TIP: If you're thinking of having an open relationship you need to establish solid ground rules that you both agree and stick to.

You have to flag up things like, e.g. if you're becoming emotionally attached to a third-party. You need that kind of honesty so the whole thing doesn't come crashing down around your heads.

I believe everyone has a right to you have the private life that they think will work for them. Just enter with caution and your eyes wide open!

Happy Monday, Pamx

Do you go into a new relationship looking for something bad to happen?

14/04/2012

Happy weekend! Hope the sun is shining for you and if isn't then you make your own sunshine - feeling positive!

A BIG thank you to Kaz for your lovely email - only just saw amongst many - thanks! Appreciate! tweeting about kindness recently and it's an act of kindness like yours that can make someone's day.

So did you actually have any mishaps on Friday the 13th? Let's challenge this myth!

I've just posted a new article on "hot off the press" [on my homepage] that I hope might give you food for thought if you're in a new relationship... It's about always looking for something bad to happen even in the early phases of a relationship.

Check-a-look if you tend to always expect someone to disappoint you.

TODAY’S TIP: I find people get this mindset because they have been disappointed in the past. Sometimes it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy - and you're looking for negatives and so you find negatives that aren't really that bad. Because let's face it we all have "so-called warts" and we take the warts and all.

Go in with a positive mind but mindful of any negative behaviour - rather than going in with a negative mindset and hopefully you find the right balance.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

It's your lucky day and new parents has your sex life disappeared?

13/04/2012

It's Friday the 13th but don't think of it as unlucky - turn your thinking on its head and think of it as going to be a fantastic day!

Have you just had a baby? Has your wonderful bundle of joy arrived but sex and intimacy has gone out the window? This is to be expected! I have loads of tips for couples [lots of the tips can be used by child-free couples too] in my Sun newspaper online Sex and Love Academy that's gone live today.

When you have your first child it can be daunting - there are so many changes in the way you feel to negotiate- emotionally and sexually - and in terms of fatigue! There's no right or wrong way to be in your relationship as long as you two are a team trying to create your new little family and recognizing you're still a couple too.

TODAY’S TIP: keep talking, it makes it so much more difficult if you're both unsure about rekindling your sex life any keep your feelings secret.

Your partner isn't a mind reader - please don't expect them to be. If you feel you need a cuddle but you don't want sex then let them know.

You can make this a success and find your way through the exhaustion and stress that comes in equal measure with the joy of having a new baby.

Look after your relationship, Pamx

Cohabiting versus marriage, are you too career focused to have a relationship, sex talk...

12/04/2012

So one of my best friends has been very happy cohabiting with their partner for the last 18 years - neither them care about the marriage thing. But actually marriage give some stability and statistics show cohabiting couples break up at more than twice the rate as married couples.

In today's Express newspaper I've written about marriage and why I think it's a good idea - can't argue against the research that repeatedly shows married couples have stronger relationship. And you can't argue with the Office for National Statistics that backs this up - they're not just a survey they have proper statistics on our lifestyles.

Before you get your knickers in a twist of course there are many cohabiting couples that have fantastic relationships but they are the exception and across nations around the world some form of marriage has been seen as important.

In today's Mail newspaper I've commented on some research about women and careers - and those women who are so career focused they “forget” about finding love - most often they regret this but sometimes they don't in their career fulfills them.

I've got a fun quiz [but with a point] that's gone live on iVillage UK about your sexual communication - is your sex talk up to scratch? Do you get what you want with your partner? Do they get what they want?

TODAY’S TIP: Take the fear out of discussing sex by always starting with a positive about what you two share. This softens any "suggestions" [not criticisms!] you might have to make things better in the bedroom.

If you're going to have a sex life might as well have a satisfying one!

E-mail me at my homepage with your dilemma as it's Thursday and I'll be answering one of the later on. Just click on the goldstar.

Get charitable today and buy yourself some *Hope* for the Alzheimers Society if your neighborhood store is stalking their little boxes. It's a lovely idea that I heard on BBC Radio 4 this morning.

Take care, Pamx

Young and feeling lonely? You're not alone! Office affairs...

11/04/2012

Increasingly I hear from young people about loneliness - a problem that's usually be seen as something for older generations. I've written an article with lots of tips to combat that's gone live on MSN UK the Her Channel. Check it out, there's so much you can do to change the way you feel inside!

Over at iVillage UK my quiz about what's holding you back from finding love has gone live - if you've not had much luck with relationships why not take it - it's a quick one!

Thinking of having a relationship with someone at work? Maybe this'll be your first experience of love with a colleague.

Or maybe you're like the woman I've advised at my weekly Love Clinic on iVillage UK - she's already had one super bad office romance experience unlike her maybe you're queasy about getting into another even if you really fancy someone you work with.

It goes live later today so check out her story.

TODAY’S TIP: the very first thing about starting an office relationship is to be up front about your boundaries - what you will and won't say or do in front of colleagues is a big one. You don't want to rub their noses in it and you don't want to look unprofessional.

So keep it low key at work and you can enjoy lots of passion in the evening in your own time...in fact it will make your out of hours time together more fun!

Need a tune to wake you up? Check out Dot Rotten's Are you not entertained - that'll kick start your morning!

Happy Wednesday, Pamx

About time something was done about certain music videos, Manorexia, hidden talents...

10/04/2012

Okay, so I write about sex [amongst many other things] and I love of music genres including hip-hop, R&B and rock - all of which have music videos that contain over sexualised, scantily clad women gyrating around swaggering men.

In today's Sun newspaper I've commented about David Cameron's campaign that I wholeheartedly support. Music videos should definitely have certification along the lines of the film industry - let's face it the music industry hasn't taken action and adolescent girls and boys are affected in so many ways by sexual content.

Startling new statistics about manorexia are published in the Sun newspaper today - it's no different for the guys - if you're punishing yourself over your weight and body image you need to refocus on what's important - your whole self.

As Megan Fox gives an interview that she loves doing comedy there is a message for all of us - we all have hidden talents and abilities that we don't let shine through. Let another facet of your personality shine or develop it!

TODAY’S TIP: Back to those music videos - if you're a parent and you're concerned about this lately you can't say no to your young teenager watching the music channels. Or you can do as I did with my kids and record their favourite music programmes and fast-forward the overly sexy videos.

Stand up and be counted, it can be tough saying no to teenagers but it has to be done – that's our job as parents - we're not necessarily the most popular people on the planet!

There's always a price to pay time changes - I was on New York time and didn't sleep more than an hour - don't think I'm going to shine in my meetings today!

Good luck, Pamx

Back from the Big Apple, having outdoor sex, widen your circle of opportunity...

09/04/2012

What can I say about New York City? It's phenomenal, it's dynamic, it takes your breath away! But you got to watch yourself on the pavement - New Yorkers don't do that little polite 'dance' we do where we slightly dodge someone coming towards us - they'll just plow straight into you if you don't move over!

Otherwise encountered many fab New Yoikers...yep, New Yoik...I'm affecting the accent!

I hadn't been for 15 years and had an amazing time with family - saw the biggest of the sites - Empire State building, did the harbour cruise and went to Ellis Island and saw the Statue of Liberty, went to High line park, Brooklyn, Chelsea, Soho and ground zero which was ever so moving and the memorial fountains are beautiful - a place of contemplation.

And after an amazing week of tasty food and all those sites it's good to be home... what's that line? There is no place like home! Even when it's grey and misty :-)

Lovely to read that Christina Schmid has found love three years after being widowed. She's been courageous in championing our soldiers having the right kit after her bomb disposal expert husband Olaf [Oz] was killed in the line of duty. I wish her the best of luck! And remember to widen your circle of opportunity - you might meet someone in a coffee shop queue as she's evidently met her new man.

On my weekly Love Clinic on iVillage UK I tackled one woman's dilemma... it was about having sex out of doors with her husband and loving it. But it raise some important questions about their relationship.

TODAY’S TIP: sometimes you do something that you think will improve your relationship [like having fun al fresco sex] but it can raise questions like - were you actually bored before hand? Or was your partner boredom maybe that's why they suggested it?

Always begin with the positive - the fact you two enjoy doing something new. Then move on to any anxiety it's raised and be calm and confident in tackling it - don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

Enjoy the rest of your bank holiday Monday, Pamx

 

I'm away until bank holiday Monday but in the meantime...

02/04/2012

Have a wonderful LONG weekend this week!

If you do one thing make time for yourself to get over any stresses from work. Make time for your partner so that you can sort out any relationship stresses. And have loads of fun!

Life is short so grab it so grab it with both hands and shake what you can out of it!

Take care and until April 9th lots of love, Pam X

It's the little things that count and boost your confidence today + agony slot tonight...

02/04/2012

Heading out for loads of radio interviews on a campaign to boost women's confidence - though so much of what I'm going to be talking about today is for men too. Appletiser have surveyed women about what really boosts their confidence - and what brings them down taking away their sparkle.

We always think it's good to be the big things that change our life - lots of money [would be nice] a big shiny new job [also nice] but on a day-to-day basis it is things like getting a compliment, getting along with your partner, getting a fun text, wearing a favourite outfit, etc. it gives us a little bit of sparkle.

TODAY’S TIP: I've said it before and I'll say it again my biggest tip when you need to start building your confidence because it's been not is stop listening to the little devil that sits on your shoulder - the one that talks you down with a negative voice.

It tells you you're a failure, nothings good in your life, nothing will change - ALL not true!

Talk back to it - tell it to be quiet and remind yourself of everything you do you have going on in your life and with your personality.

Make today the first day of talking yourself up on a daily basis.

Tonight I'm doing my regular agony slot on Sue Marchant's BBC radio Eastern regions programme - you can always get in touch by texting your dilemma at 7pm to 81333 - make sure to begin your text with ‘Sue’ followed by your question. And you can listen live at the BBC Cambridge website.

Get in touch I would love to hear from you!

Off to New York for a family thing tomorrow - can't wait as I haven't haven't been for 15 years! So I'll be in touch in a week when I'm back. Have a lovely Easter!

Take care of yourself, Pamx

 

A little guide to aphrodisiacs as tweeted about

31/03/2012

Aphrodisiacs –

There’s a long and rich history of aphrodisiac usage spanning centuries. The ancient Mexican Emperor, Montezuma, used 50 cups daily of pure chocolate to fuel his exploits with his 600 strong harem. Cleopatra was reputed to drink a mixture of ground almonds, spices, honey and yoghurt believed to be an energising aphrodisiac.

 

A word of caution here - it's easy to get carried away believing that an aphrodisiac will enhance sexual libido. Some aphrodisiacs have a little research supporting their energising properties. However others that promise an aphrodisiac affect may only have a placebo or psychological effect. That is, because you think it's going to work then it appears to work!

 

The following diverse selection of plants, fruit, foods and chemicals is renowned for varying degrees of aphrodisiac properties. I certainly can’t guarantee they'll work for you! However as well as some having fairly well researched properties (e.g., horny goat weed), others may simply have properties that seduce you through your senses of sight and taste.

 

If you’re taking any medication you should check with your doctor before taking an aphrodisiac preparation, many of which are available over the counter at health food shops or on the Internet. Don't get over-keen and overdose as an overdose of, e.g., Yohimbine can cause nausea and vomiting – not sexy! Don't get ripped off by Internet companies unless they’re a company you know and trust.

Almonds – Contain properties said to revive flagging desire. Traditionally a symbol of love and fertility in Mediterranean cultures almonds are baked into savouries, sweets and desserts.

Asparagus – Greens are good for you! Asparagus is highly rich in vitam