Latest From the Blog


Do you know an 'autism hero' who goes beyond the call of duty to help make life better?

I'm honoured to be part of the panel judging the entries to the Autism Hero Awards sponsored by the charity Anna Kennedy Online.

This is a time to nominate someone who supports you or your loved one with autism. Or who helps within your family and/or friendships, or helps in a setting like a school for those with autism to get the most out of school and other settings.

You have until September 5th for your nominations - so get them in! Here's the link and good luck!

With the tireless campaigner Anna Kennedy at an event...



Take care, Pam x

 

 

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Celebrity interviews plus dating love and sex advice on Love Sport Radio last night...

If you couldn't tune in last night then here's the link for you!

I had a blast talking to my amazing guests Jodie Marsh, Lizzie Cundy, Jay James, Ricky Norwood, Emma Sayle and Allie Abgarian.

We covered everything from shy guys, to what attracts you to someone, to celibacy and then sex parties. Plus more in-between.

Hope you enjoy the link!

Take care, Pam x

 

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As rumours swirl around David and Victoria Beckham, does your love need an SOS?

Marriage SOS –

Recent research has found that increasingly people long to get married and once married they want to stay that way. In the unsettled times we live in, couples want to develop staying power rather than giving up at the first hurdle.

If you're on the verge of kicking your marriage into touch, take a deep breath, put your best foot forward, dig deep and get back on course with these seven steps:

SOS Step 1 - The Geneva Convention

It may’ve felt like WW3 in your household recently with the cruel jibes and shouted comments targeted with missile-seeking precision to hit their target. So far, so bad! It's time to agree certain ground rules. These should include: stating that you’ll remove yourself from the room if your partner starts shouting, and likewise that you expect them to remove themselves if you let rip! Make an agreement to let each other speak uninterrupted for three minutes at a time, sticking to one issue at a time, and using an egg timer if necessary. Agree that targeting each other's weaknesses plays no part in sorting out your problems - after all it's easy to ridicule your partner’s receding hairline or lack of promotion but that's the quick way to the divorce court.

SOS Step 2 - Take a Breather

Constantly going over the same old ground can wear down any feelings of affection, and this destroys any chance of salvaging things. It's exhausting and can drain any sense of hope that either of you may’ve been harbouring. You begin to think, "What’s worth saving?" Definitely agree a moratorium on arguments and any discussions of your issues for one week. Instead talk about everything besides the things you argue over. At best you might discover you can still have a conversation about something positive or pleasant. At worst you've had a break from the arguing even if it starts again.

SOS Step 3 - Flag-up The Positives

If you've managed to take a breather - and you should try again if it broke down the first time - this serves as a positive platform to start reminding yourselves of why you got together in the first place. There would’ve been positive reasons for falling in love - traits you admired in each other, having the same interests, etc. Hopefully there will be something of these positives left between you. They might’ve been buried under arguments but if they're allowed to see the light of day they might just flourish again. Think about these things daily and find the courage to mention them to your partner. You may be the first one to take this step, leaving you feeling quite vulnerable, but it's worth it.

SOS Step 4 - Go Back to Love-School

It's time to relearn the way you behave to your partner and change the way you speak to them. Would you behave or speak to them in the first year of your relationship, the way you do now? I'm sure it's a resounding No! You've undoubtedly lost the kindness, gentleness and loving way you treated them throughout the years you've spent together. This is the perfect time to surprise them with kinder and more loving treatment. Begin by softening the tone you use when speaking to them. Remove any crankiness and snappiness. Also show some loving behaviour like doing small favours for them and being considerate. You'd be surprised how most partners will react positively and start returning such loving behaviour.

SOS Step 5 - Clean up Your Language

One big mistake couples make, as their relationship goes downhill, is to throw in the "D" word in arguments. If you've mentioned divorce, stop mentioning it now. Relationship research shows that when you repeatedly plant the seed of divorce, your partner starts to see it as an option rather than trying harder to save your relationship. Apart from the "D" word start cleaning up your language generally. Stop yourself from making below-the-belt comments that you know hurt your partner's feelings.

SOS Step 6 - Take Responsibility

Throughout these steps it's important to start taking responsibility for your share of what’s happened to your relationship. It can’t be all your partner's fault that things have gone wrong. You may well have accused them of destroying things but it's never too late to hold your hands up to any bad behaviour on your part. Saying a genuine "sorry" can go a very long way to healing things.

SOS Step 7 - Love Is in the Air

If you've tried these various steps, and hopefully had some success with them, it may be time to rekindle a bit of passion. It's the rare couple that hangs onto any semblance of a sex life when their relationship has been plummeting downhill. Start with simple affection like squeezing their hand when they say something nice to you. Then add in goodbye and hello kisses at each end of the day. Begin to cuddle up with them on the sofa again. Then make your intentions known by telling them you'd love to rekindle things between the sheets.

Maybe you can heal this...

To find your nearest Relate go to relate.org.uk

An edited version of this article was published in the Express newspaper

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Join me Sunday night at 10 PM when I present a Love Sport Radio show!

I'm so excited to do a summer special on Sunday June 10th from 10PM to 1 AM.

Join me after your favourite TV drama on Love Sport plus all the night owls can stay with me until 1 AM.

I have totally ACE guests lined up and I'm expecting your calls on 0208-702-0 558. Plus you can tweet me on @lovesportradioand give your views, share your experiences, or ask any questions about dating, lvoe and sex - I don't do shy! I'll give you total honesty.

Don't miss my dating, love and sex special!

Lots of love, Pam x

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How many orgasm-zones do you have? Or your partner might have? Check this...

Women can climax in so many ways, so don't let your lovemaking be an anticlimax – check out my latest column for the Sun newspaper online.

Cause for celebration...

Have fun, Pam x

 

 

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The hard facts: what you need to know about his erectile difficulties...

In my Sun newspaper online column I've tackled ED - erectile dysfunction, far too common in men.

With the Viagra ads starting tonight on TV why not check out this info!

I hope you get some insight into it and tips on how to move forward.

No rush to reach for pills depending on what he's experiencing...

Look after each other, Pam x

 

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What he says about the ex reveals a lot...

When people talk about their exes it can reveal a lot about how they feel about relationships!

Here I tackle what men might say about an ex and highlight 5 things in my Sun newspaper column that might actually reveal so much about how he relates.

Get clued up before you get coupled up - after he's broken up!

You want your new love to be a bed of roses...

Take care of yourself, Pam x

 

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A little body language from Meghan and Harry on their big day....

Meghan and Harry have always had extremely positive, loved-up body language but could that change on their big day?

Body language is one of my special areas and there are so many signals you could watch for so today I had written a guide for you for the wedding itself.

But as happens sometimes with newspapers, they were overworked and had so much wedding content flying in that it didn't get into the Daily Star until after the happy event!

Better late than never and I know how newspapers work and I'm happy they published a few brief comments of mine.

Here's just a fraction of what was meant to be published.

Watching the Royal wedding will be like reading a body language story unfolding in front of the world!

Have fun this weekend especially if your newlyweds too, Pam x

 

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Iā€™m so shy I put men off...calling all shyb people!

I get so many questions about shyness I thought I'd post this one...Dear Dr Pam,

I have a problem that keeps getting in the way of me finding a boyfriend...or even going on a second date! I am 27 and have never been in a serious relationship. This might be because I am a very shy person and I can’t trust anybody but my family and really close friends.

In the rare occasions when a man approaches me and asks me on a date, it always ends up being disastrous! When we meet up, I can barely say anything or ask him a question because I feel that no matter what I say, it’s going to sound stupid and I will make a fool out of myself. Obviously the dates are really awkward and usually last even less than an hour. Most of these men never ask me out again and I can’t blame them!

I know that I need to change if I want to find someone to be with but I just don’t know how to do it. My best friend always encourages me to be more confident but I can’t bring myself to change the way I am...it’s so much harder being said than done! Can you give me some advice about overcoming my extreme shyness?

Dear "Shy girl",

You've come to the right place - there's so much you can do and I want you to get started today! Shyness is a big problem for many [I was shy as a child and overcame it so I really do understand] and holds them back from finding love. But as you're so expressive in your e-mail I have great faith you can be just as expressive when you meet someone in future.

Don’t forget some of the loveliest people are shy. And it’s not about “I need to change” as you said, it’s about accepting yourself, and that maybe you won’t be the loudest person in the room but you will be a valuable person in any room!

Here are some tricks and techniques to try to make the most when you’re out and about:

*For starters, learn to turn the ‘spotlight’ on the other person and you quickly forget your own shyness and nerves. Ask them simple questions [you don't have to be a great conversationalist to be a great date] about if they've ever been to that place, their favourite music, what's the last film they saw, etc.

*Simple questions put them at ease and also feel like you really care about finding out about them. People are attracted to those who give them attention.

*Generally boost your confidence to give your point of view on things particularly as you say you don't want to make a ‘fool’ out of yourself. Practice around your family and friends - become Miss Opinionated - tell them when you're watching a film why you like it. During a news report give your opinion about the news item. When a celebrity pops up say what you think about their latest pop song, film, etc. With this sort of practice you become more expressive generally - and that includes around men.

*If there's any chance you might meet anyone at an event always wear something you feel confident in. Slipping into a dress or trousers suit you feel good in will help you present yourself with confidence.

*Always consider things like high heels - if you wobble in them and find them hard to walk in then wear flatter heels so you're not distracted by feeling awkward. All these little practical measures help you to feel at your best.

*Make sure you've got three things ready to talk about at any time or any place [because you never know when you're going to run into a Mr. Potential]. They can be really straightforward, e.g., like the last film you saw, book you read, or restaurant you tried. Think about these three things before you go to any event or on any date. There's nothing wrong with rehearsing the points you’d make about them.

*Get in front of your mirror and practice good posture and confident body language. Stand in front of it and admire your great qualities.

*You care about your friends and family who ask you to be more confident - show them respect by listening to them and actually start building self-belief day-by-day.

*Something every shy person needs to know is that although you feel like you're the centre of attention - like the rest of us very often you're not. So start taking the attitude that you don't stand out anymore than anyone else - so there's no reason for you to worry about your shyness.

*Remember that a lot of the men you meet will feel as shy as you do. Putting them at their ease should be a confidence boost to you.

*Online dating can be great for the shyer among us - you can reply when you want, there's not immediate pressure to respond when someone shows interest. Just beware lots of men on dating apps are not shy about starting the sex chat! Ignore them and move on.

*If these practical tips don’t help see your GP about a referral to a counsellor for further advice on confidence boosting.

Finally, there is never, ever anything wrong with saying on a date, "sorry, I've always been quite shy, so I do get a bit tongue-tied, but I'm enjoying myself." If the man is worth it he'll reassure you and give you some leeway for your shyness.

The very best of luck, remember to treasure all your good points! Pam x

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Here's that gorgeous giveaway-competition for you!

From today Friday, May 4th, I'm running this gorgeous sensual competition/giveaway on Twitter over the long weekend.

For a chance to win this beautiful Relax Power set - worth £65 - from the fabulous erotic emporium Bijoux Indiscrets, all you have to do is follow their handle @Bijouxindiscret and my handle @drpamspurr on Twitter and RT the competition tweet.

Check out my Twitter feed for the details.

Here's the lovely prize...

The winner will be selected at random on Tuesday 8th May.

Good luck! Pam x

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The Emotional Eater's Diet

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