Latest From the Blog


A little body language from Meghan and Harry on their big day....

Meghan and Harry have always had extremely positive, loved-up body language but could that change on their big day?

Body language is one of my special areas and there are so many signals you could watch for so today I had written a guide for you for the wedding itself.

But as happens sometimes with newspapers, they were overworked and had so much wedding content flying in that it didn't get into the Daily Star until after the happy event!

Better late than never and I know how newspapers work and I'm happy they published a few brief comments of mine.

Here's just a fraction of what was meant to be published.

Watching the Royal wedding will be like reading a body language story unfolding in front of the world!

Have fun this weekend especially if your newlyweds too, Pam x

 

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I’m so shy I put men off...calling all shyb people!

I get so many questions about shyness I thought I'd post this one...Dear Dr Pam,

I have a problem that keeps getting in the way of me finding a boyfriend...or even going on a second date! I am 27 and have never been in a serious relationship. This might be because I am a very shy person and I can’t trust anybody but my family and really close friends.

In the rare occasions when a man approaches me and asks me on a date, it always ends up being disastrous! When we meet up, I can barely say anything or ask him a question because I feel that no matter what I say, it’s going to sound stupid and I will make a fool out of myself. Obviously the dates are really awkward and usually last even less than an hour. Most of these men never ask me out again and I can’t blame them!

I know that I need to change if I want to find someone to be with but I just don’t know how to do it. My best friend always encourages me to be more confident but I can’t bring myself to change the way I am...it’s so much harder being said than done! Can you give me some advice about overcoming my extreme shyness?

Dear "Shy girl",

You've come to the right place - there's so much you can do and I want you to get started today! Shyness is a big problem for many [I was shy as a child and overcame it so I really do understand] and holds them back from finding love. But as you're so expressive in your e-mail I have great faith you can be just as expressive when you meet someone in future.

Don’t forget some of the loveliest people are shy. And it’s not about “I need to change” as you said, it’s about accepting yourself, and that maybe you won’t be the loudest person in the room but you will be a valuable person in any room!

Here are some tricks and techniques to try to make the most when you’re out and about:

*For starters, learn to turn the ‘spotlight’ on the other person and you quickly forget your own shyness and nerves. Ask them simple questions [you don't have to be a great conversationalist to be a great date] about if they've ever been to that place, their favourite music, what's the last film they saw, etc.

*Simple questions put them at ease and also feel like you really care about finding out about them. People are attracted to those who give them attention.

*Generally boost your confidence to give your point of view on things particularly as you say you don't want to make a ‘fool’ out of yourself. Practice around your family and friends - become Miss Opinionated - tell them when you're watching a film why you like it. During a news report give your opinion about the news item. When a celebrity pops up say what you think about their latest pop song, film, etc. With this sort of practice you become more expressive generally - and that includes around men.

*If there's any chance you might meet anyone at an event always wear something you feel confident in. Slipping into a dress or trousers suit you feel good in will help you present yourself with confidence.

*Always consider things like high heels - if you wobble in them and find them hard to walk in then wear flatter heels so you're not distracted by feeling awkward. All these little practical measures help you to feel at your best.

*Make sure you've got three things ready to talk about at any time or any place [because you never know when you're going to run into a Mr. Potential]. They can be really straightforward, e.g., like the last film you saw, book you read, or restaurant you tried. Think about these three things before you go to any event or on any date. There's nothing wrong with rehearsing the points you’d make about them.

*Get in front of your mirror and practice good posture and confident body language. Stand in front of it and admire your great qualities.

*You care about your friends and family who ask you to be more confident - show them respect by listening to them and actually start building self-belief day-by-day.

*Something every shy person needs to know is that although you feel like you're the centre of attention - like the rest of us very often you're not. So start taking the attitude that you don't stand out anymore than anyone else - so there's no reason for you to worry about your shyness.

*Remember that a lot of the men you meet will feel as shy as you do. Putting them at their ease should be a confidence boost to you.

*Online dating can be great for the shyer among us - you can reply when you want, there's not immediate pressure to respond when someone shows interest. Just beware lots of men on dating apps are not shy about starting the sex chat! Ignore them and move on.

*If these practical tips don’t help see your GP about a referral to a counsellor for further advice on confidence boosting.

Finally, there is never, ever anything wrong with saying on a date, "sorry, I've always been quite shy, so I do get a bit tongue-tied, but I'm enjoying myself." If the man is worth it he'll reassure you and give you some leeway for your shyness.

The very best of luck, remember to treasure all your good points! Pam x

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Here's that gorgeous giveaway-competition for you!

From today Friday, May 4th, I'm running this gorgeous sensual competition/giveaway on Twitter over the long weekend.

For a chance to win this beautiful Relax Power set - worth £65 - from the fabulous erotic emporium Bijoux Indiscrets, all you have to do is follow their handle @Bijouxindiscret and my handle @drpamspurr on Twitter and RT the competition tweet.

Check out my Twitter feed for the details.

Here's the lovely prize...

The winner will be selected at random on Tuesday 8th May.

Good luck! Pam x

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Thoughts for Jacqueline Jossa & any pregnant woman whose relationship's in trouble...

In today's Daily Star newspaper I've commented on the struggles Jacqueline is reportedly having with partner Dan right now. Being pregnant and going through a rough relationship patch is horrible.

Here's some advice and my comment.

Look after yourself and that precious baby, Pam x

 

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I have a fabulous competition coming up for you!

From tomorrow Friday, 4th May I'm running a gorgeous sensual competition/giveaway on Twitter over the long weekend. Check out my Twitter feed for the details.

The winner will be selected at random on Tuesday 8th May.

Pam x

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The psychology behind marriage proposals – check these seven signs...

In my latest Sun newspaper online column I've got must-know info on the psychology behind marriage proposals to you.

If like the Kaiser Chiefs' frontman, Ricky Wilson, he proposed to you after being together for three years, what does it mean? Check out my column!

Here's to happiness for all of those getting hitched, Pam x

 

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My top confidence tips in the Independent newspaper to brighten your weekend...

I knew there was an article in the Independent newspaper about my top confidence tips but I hadn't had a chance to dig it out.

But it was flagged up to me on Twitter – the beauty of Twitter!

Hope you find these four key tips help you start to boost your confidence from this weekend.

Remember that feeling confident gives you the confidence to be your true self...



Have a happy one, Pam x

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Take my quiz for Couples Appreciation Month!

We're coming to the end of Couples Appreciation Month, so how are you and your partner doing?

In today's Mirror newspaper (page 36) I have a must-take quiz for couples.

Are you in the danger zone – unappreciative and neglectful of the most important person in your life?

I hope you aren't but there are plenty of tips if you are...



Take care of each other, Pam x

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Have rumours about your partner got you down? My thoughts on Nicole Appleton's situation...

In the Daily Star today I've commented on the feud that's reignited between Nicole Appleton and Lily Allen over allegations that Lily had a flirtation (or maybe more) with Liam Gallagher. This was nine years ago, a year after Liam had married Nicole.

The problem is, as I know through my work, how painful feelings about something like this can be. And how they linger on.

So no surprise things between Nicole and Lily are tense with new rumours that their feud has resurfaced.

The best thing to do is keep your thoughts private, don't rise to the rumours, hold your head high and move on. Check my comments here if you've been through this.

I hope you can find the inner strength to handle the situation well - for your well-being.

Take care, Pam x

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Calling all 'scummy mummies'! Comedy podcast with lots of advice too..

It was total comedy when I was invited to guest on the Scummy Mummies podcast!

Ellie Gibson and Helen Thorn (the scummiest of mummies) have a wicked sense of humour. I love their live comedy show so much – it makes you feel better about mistakes you've made as a mother.

Here's that podcast that inclues parenting tips to sexy whips – and all points in between --->

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And what's this about sexy firemen from Manchester? Find out!

Check them out at scummymummies.com

Here's to mothers keeping it real, Pam x

 

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The Emotional Eater's Diet

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