Latest From the Blog


New painting: Ocean No 5

Ocean No 5 continues the 'Ocean' series from two years ago. Acrylics on 300 gm fine art paper. How deep do your feelings run?

Shown here in a black frame with framing options available. Unframed it's 40.5 x 50.5 cm (16 x 20 in). PLus close ups below.

To purchase please email pamspurrart@gmail.com £315 including present frame PLUS P&P and for international sales $395 PLUS P&P and any international taxes.

 


Amazon has 15% off of Eva the Bear and the Magic Snowflake!

If you're looking for an adventure story for the little one in your life please check out my first children's story book Eva the Bear and the Magic Snowflake!

AMAZON has a little offer this week - check it out here!


SINGLES! Have I got loads of dating advice for you...

I've been so busy I haven't loaded my last 4 columns for Wingman Dating App.

So here they are - dating a 'flake', beware of 'submariners', being vulnerable and taking your dating to the next level, and how to avoid spiking when you're out and about...

Excuses Excuses, Time To Give Up On Them! Advice from our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (on twitter @drpamspurr and at www.drpam.co.uk )

It rarely turns out well when you end up dating a flaky person. They might be attractive, they might seem to have some really great attributes but they always have an excuse for so many things.

From not sorting the plans they suggested, to not getting back to you when they said they would, not ringing, disappearing for a few days, and such like, they will come up with an excuse.

These lackadaisical flakes are very different to players. Players go behind your back with other people. These flakes wouldn’t know how to plan cheating!

Here are some common excuses for their flaky behaviour:

*I just forgot about the time.

*I couldn’t remember what I said I would do.

*I figured it didn’t matter that much.

*I got tied up with something else and forgot I was supposed to do that.

*I decided it wasn’t a great suggestion. But, of course, he or she didn’t tell you that!

These types of excuses simply won’t wash if you’re a grown-up, emotionally mature woman or man who wants an equal partner. Who thinks both of you should be equally responsible for the well-being of your relationship.

Of course, if you’re the sort of person who likes to have a “project” this sort of partner might be perfect for you. You might be able to encourage more positive and dynamic behaviour from them.

However, I wouldn’t be surprised if you eventually find it an impossible task. This super laid-back, flaky attitude can be someone’s true nature. And that’s hard to change.

Maybe leave them to find someone else who is equally as flaky as they are. And full of excuses for never showing up on time or making plans work.

Good luck and happy dating! x

Visit Dr Pam’s art gallery for gifts ideas for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php

 

Beware of the ‘Submariner’! Advice from our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (on twitter @drpamspurr and at www.drpam.co.uk )

Dating terminology continually evolves just as the dating scene evolves. But seeing “submarining” mentioned I thought what is this dating-behaviour?

Here is the lowdown, submarining is a form of ghosting. Ghosting, as you undoubtedly know, is when you have been doing lots of messaging like on an app, or have even started seeing someone. Only to have them drop out of sight for good. No messages, no calls, like a puff of smoke they are gone.

Submarining is a development on ghosting. It is when a person drops out of your life but a number of months later, gets in touch. Seemingly out of the blue they are back!

You might be happy to see them, if you were pining for them. Even if you can get them off your mind during these months apart, you must use caution getting re-involved with them. If they can do it once, they can do it again.

Unless they have a fantastic excuse, I would advise steering clear. Because 99% of people must realise it is pretty crushing to just disappear on someone. And the other 1% are sociopaths who don’t care!

If you’re still keen to give them a second chance do these:

*Explore with them why – in detail – they decided to dump you without a word. Consider carefully what they say.

*Ask them if they had even given a thought about your feelings when they slipped off out of your life. If they say “not really” don’t go there!

*Let them know that if they start to feel that things aren’t working for them, to just tell you. And not do a runner again.

Personally, I don’t advise giving someone who behaves like a submariner, a second chance. However, I realise there may be the very rare but actually good excuse, for such behaviour.

Good luck and happy dating! x

Visit Dr Pam’s art gallery for gifts ideas for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php

 

Time For Some Vulnerability in Your Dating? Advice from our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (on twitter @drpamspurr and at www.drpam.co.uk )

We are always told to put “your best foot forward” whether it’s a job interview or a first date – and all points in between. It’s excellent advice, first impressions count across the board.

If you’re meeting your prospective manager or prospective partner for the first time, they will be taking in everything about you. Just as you do about them.

And we continue giving off the good impressions when we first start a new job or begin dating someone new. However, at least in your personal life, there comes a time where you need to start revealing the true you. That means, warts and all.

I’ve date coached singles who tried to live up to impossible standards - always being upbeat and positive, never complaining, making themselves an “easy date”.

After a few months of this it is extremely emotionally draining. That’s not good for you! It also means that you are not developing an emotionally mature relationship with this newish person.

An emotionally mature relationship includes managing your bad times and managing their bad times. It means allowing for mistakes, showing that you are far from perfect, just as they are. Because no one is perfect.

If you want a truly healthy and loving relationship you need to accept that they will have to see you at your best, at your mediocre, and at your worst.

 

Relationship research shows those who develop the deepest relationships are those who make themselves vulnerable in these ways. Because, ironically, when you show your vulnerabilities, you also show your strength.

It takes strength of character to allow him or her into your heart. It’s important to be aware of the difference between vulnerability and dependency. You can open your heart and bring them closer to you without being overly dependent.

Here are two crucial ways to make yourself vulnerable:

*You’ve had a bad day at work. You’re feeling pretty upset about it. In the early days of your first few dates, you would have covered this up. Now it’s time, when they ask how your day was, to let them know it was disappointing or upsetting. You can do so without making it into a drama. Just share your feelings honestly about such situations.

*You have some doubts about yourself. Not necessarily that you don’t feel “good enough” for them, but you wonder if you are right for them. Turn that thinking around. Remember they may be feeling exactly the same way about you and whether they’re right for you.

Pick your moment (not a drunken moment!). Open up the conversation about how sometimes you feel a little concerned or anxious in yourself. And you can say that you’re working on feeling more confident in the relationship. This could begin a truly positive chat about your newish relationship.

Once you’ve opened up that kind of conversation you have made progress with this potential, long term partner.

Good luck and happy dating, Pam x

If there are any little ones in your life, Dr Pam’s first children’s story book is out now: http://tinyurl.com/36y3xr6n

 

 

 

Stay safe from spiking! Advice from our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (on twitter @drpamspurr and at www.drpam.co.uk )

Singles want to have fun, relax, and go out without worries. One thing they must worry about, though, is spiking. Spiking is on the rise and is especially dangerous for people out socialising, with women most at risk.

If you’ve ever seen an old 1940s film, you know they talk about “slipping someone a Mickey Finn”. That meant spiking a drink to render someone incapable of looking after themselves. Meaning this is not a new phenomenon.

Why do people spike drinks?

Although more research needs to be conducted in this area, there has been a new “craze” for thinking it is funny to do it to someone. More ominously, and more commonly, people spike drinks so they can take advantage of their target. Largely because either they want to steal from them or they want to sexually abuse them. There have been other motivations in some cases.

Where is it most likely to happen?

The research shows it is most likely to happen in bars with nightclubs coming second place. Pretty much anywhere where people are partying, having fun, and have let their guard down.

Beware though, 80% of reported spiking occurred in such public places leaving 20% to occur in private places like house parties.

Traditional spiking involves slipping a chemical into someone’s drink. However, needle spiking is on the rise. This is where someone injects a person’s body with a drug. The statistics show that needle spiking is more common in nightclubs, one main reason might be that they tend to be darker than bars and other locations.

Who is most likely to get spiked?

Recent research from YouGov shows that 10% of women know or think they have been spiked compared to 5% of men. Women were the victims in 74% of reported offences. However, everyone should be aware they can be a potential victim.

In 2023 the police recorded 6732 reports of spiking with 957 related to needle spiking. The average age of victims, across all reports, was 26 years old.

What are the symptoms that you’ve been spiked?

Symptoms include:

Nausea and/or vomiting.

Confusion, poor co-ordination and disorientation.

Paranoia and hallucinations.

The inability to communicate well.

Memory loss.

Lowered inhibitions.

Is spiking against the law even if done for supposedly “fun”?

Any form of spiking is a crime. Those who are successfully convicted can face tough sentences under Section 24 of the Offences against the Person Act 1861. 

Examples of spiking include:

Without someone’s knowledge or permission, putting alcohol into what they believe to be a non-alcoholic drink.

Also, putting prescription or illegal drugs into someone’s alcoholic or non-alcoholic drink without their knowledge or permission.

Using a syringe to inject a person with prescription or illegal drugs without their knowledge or permission.

Furthermore, putting prescription or illegal drugs into someone’s food without their knowledge or permission.

And also putting prescription or illegal drugs into a person’s cigarette or vape without their knowledge or permission.

How can you avoid drink spiking?

Police guidance gives many tips including the following.

  • Party safely and socialise with trusted friends.
  • Buy your own drinks.
  • If you are at a venue that serves drinks, watch the bartender prepare your drink.
  • Never leave your drink unattended whether it's alcoholic or not.
  • If possible, keep an eye on your friends' drinks.
  • Don’t accept a drink from someone you do not know.
  • Drink bottled drinks.
  • Avoid sharing drinks.
  • If a friend tells you they feel unwell, take them seriously, report it to the premises as well as the police, and get medical advice.
  • If you feel unwell tell a friend immediately and do as above.

Stay safe and happy dating, Pam x

If there are any little ones in your life, Dr Pam’s first children’s story book is out now: http://tinyurl.com/36y3xr6n

Hope these columns help you avoid heartbreak...


I'm so thankful for the reviews Eva the Bear and the Magic Snowflake is getting....

I'm very thankful that so many readers have found my first children's storybook a rewarding read for their children.

Here is a link to "Eva" on Amazon

And thank you "Sally R" for your five-star review, so so appreciated! Apologies for the poor quality of this photo from the Amazon site. Love, Pam x


Fun to be had at The Colour of Dinosaurs, Polka Theatre, Wimbledon...

My two eldest granddaughters and I had a lovely time at this fun, inventive, singalong show at the Polka Theatre in Wimbledon!

Here's the link if you have the chance to take the child in your life who is over four years, in the next three weeks.

Enjoy! Pam x


Are you an emotional eater? Here's a podcast for you...

It was great to be a guest on Andrew Marshall's Meaningful Life podcast. Andrew is a marriage therapist but he covers lots of topics. As I do, as a psychologist.

As I wrote a book about emotional eating in 2015 and he was keen to discuss that, here is the link to this episode of his podcast.

I hope you find it helpful if you struggle with comfort food. Love, Pan x


My painting Dreams No 8 needs a new home...

Dreams No 8 was bought about 18 months ago and has had a very happy home.

Sadly the lovely woman who bought it was made redundant a couple months ago and she is now selling things of value as she hasn't found a new job yet. And has had many big expenses having to move to a smaller place.

She purchased it from me for £795 but would be happy with offers over £450. It's in the same condition as when she bought it.

Presently in a white wood frame but I can supply framing options. 

In the present frame it is 74 x 94 cm but the frame is quite large so it could go into a smaller frame.

If interested please email me at pamspurrart@gmail.com

Come on, let's help her find this painting and new home! Thanks x

Here's a photo of the full-size painting followed by three close-ups...

 

 


I joined the lovely Russ Kane and Mak Collin on Walk The Talk podcast....

It was great to speak to them on their podcast about my children's storybook Eva the Bear and the Magic Snowflake and all about gender ideology issues and who they impact - children, women and the LGB.

I hope you enjoy listening! Many thanks, Pam x


I was extremely fortunate to join the inimitable Julie Bindel on her podcast last month...

Julie is an incredible woman who has courageously fought for women's rights for decades.

We discussed many topics ranging from domestic violence through to gender ideology on her podcast.

Please do have a listen, many thanks, Pam x


Eva the Bear and the Magic Snowflake

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