Latest From the Blog


I had a fantastic time on the Waffle Shop Podcast... Although I did cry at one point...

It was great to join Taylor from the Waffle Shop Podcast for a good old chat about everything from impostor syndrome, to anxiety, to art! Here's the link, I hope you enjoy it: https://linktr.ee/TheWaffleShopPodcast

Take care, Pam x


A few thoughts on attending family functions when you're in the middle of a family feud...

The lovely people at the Guardian and Observer newspapers asked for some of my thoughts on the difficulties of attending a family function – like a funeral as the Royal family has just done – when you're in the midst of family difficulties.

Here's the link, my comments are towards the bottom: I hope it gives you a little food for thought if this is your situation.

Best of luck, Pam x

500+ Grief Pictures [HD] | Download Free Images on Unsplash


Has lockdown destroyed your dating confidence to get back out there? Part 2 of my advice...

Here's My latest column for Wingman Dating app...

In last week’s column I tackled the first five tips to regaining your dating confidence as you strike out looking for that special person. Don’t feel too anxious about getting back out on the dating scene. Singles are in the same boat and following these practical tips will help you navigate the ‘new normal’ with dating.

Here are five more tips to boost your dating confidence:

Confidence Tip No. 6: LOOK FOR FUN - Unfortunately if you head out looking for the love of your life, your soul-mate, and your future baby-daddy or mummy, it can come across as overly keen. However, if you go out looking for a chance to get to know people better and for fun it comes across as attractive and easy-going. Even if wedding bells and babies are on your agenda, when you first meet people isn’t the time to bang on about it.

Confidence Tip No. 7: KEEP THEM WANTING MORE – I’m totally against gameplaying when you mess with someone’s mind. However, being at someone’s beck and call means you give up too much of your own life. Be ready to message and/or chat with them but don’t change your plans for a new person.

Plus, your life is still personal to you. You don’t have to give someone new a run-down of everything you’re doing that day. By keeping personal things, personal, you create a sense that you have a life and you will slowly let them in rather than making them the centre of your life right now.

Confidence Tip No. 8: REJECTION ISN’T FAILURE - We all get rejected and not just once but many times when were single. If you treat it as a failure, it will hang around you creating a negative vibe. Instead put things in perspective and recognise the could be all sorts of reasons why he/she didn’t want to take things further. They could have decided they don’t want anything serious, they could have been landed with extra work and realise they don’t have time to date, all sorts of things.

Turn the tables on your thinking - you've undoubtedly turned someone down because of any number of reasons and it didn't make that person a sad reject. Onwards and upwards!

Confidence Tip No. 9: SWITCH OFF SHYNESS – Unfortunately, shyness can be misinterpreted as aloofness meaning you miss out on some good people. Or they take your shyness as disinterest so they don’t take things further. Switch off your shyness by switching the spotlight onto them when you meet up. Ask them straightforward questions, ask if they’ve seen any films or music they like recently, etc.

Confidence Tip No. 10YOUR ROMANTIC CHECKLIST - Everyone starts out dating with a checklist – what’s on yours? The things that the man or woman you’re looking for supposedly must have before you’d date them. Is it as long as your arm?

Please think through what you think you’re looking for! Yes, keep things like ‘they must have a GSOH’ and ‘they must be respectful’ on your list but dump the frivolous things like they must have a specific hair/eye colour or height. These things hold you back. Open up that list to the qualities that are important and less about such shallow things

Good luck and happy dating, Pam x

Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php

 Building Self-Confidence | WeDevelopYou.com


Don't miss my latest radio show with fantastic guests - links here...

 

I've been so busy I haven't posted about my show that went out yesterday and today on The Men's Radio Station and its sister station The Women's Radio Station.

I had some guests kicking off with Lady Nadia Essex talking about everything from parenting, dating, family feuds and her personal tribute to Big Brother legend Nikki Grahame.

Next up was Tarin Calmeyer who gave a fantastic interview about how to work remotely from your home in these times of the pandemic As well as touching on meditation.

Last but not least was celebrity stylist Lucas Armitage who gave some tips if you going back into the workplace. Here are the links to watch and listen - 

Twitter: https://www.pscp.tv/w/1lDxLpXrbpLxm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6k7VBZKiqk

https://www.facebook.com/watch/live/?v=521101875720415&ref=watch_permalink

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Head to my Twitter for a fantastic springtime giveaway! More details here...

I've teamed up with the luxury organic vegan skincare company Inner Senses for a fabulous giveaway!

Head over to my Twitter @drpamspurr for your chance to win a bottle of their gorgeous Glow Facial Oil (RP £36)!

One lucky winner who retweets ANY of my competition tweets AND follows both of our handles will win this award-winning lovely oil!

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Good luck, Pam x

 


Thinking of the Queen and anyone else who's grieving, a few tips...

The loss of a lifelong partner can be far more devastating and traumatic than imagined. When a couple has enjoyed a life-time of love they also create a daily-life of little routines they share together.

These routines include little habits right down to who makes the tea - and knowing just how their partner likes it. It also includes gestures of affection like a good morning peck on the cheek and holding hands down the high street. These become like a protective shield around the couple. They know they can count on each other and how smoothly their life runs like they can count on the sun rising.

When that’s ripped away because of bereavement the partner left behind faces all-consuming grief. Every moment of every day is a reminder of their loss. The foundation of their life - their relationship - is all around them and yet it's no longer there.

This feels overwhelming and it's hard to find comfort when all you long for is to have that person back by your side. Considering how desperately sad life now feels, it's not surprising some medical research suggests intense grief reactions lead to the partner left behind, sadly passing away quickly.

Bereavement for others in the family and friends

When it comes to adolescents, research shows that boys often have the most difficult time compared to other family members. They are less likely to reach out and share their feelings of grief. It’s important to keep an eye on all children after a bereavement but particularly for boys.

What parents often don’t realise in their own grief, is that teenagers experience the perfect storm of grief – it’s churning below the surface and has to come out at some point. Think of it like a pressure cooker – grief can come bubbling to the surface weeks, months, even years after the actual death.

The classic stages of grief - like numbness, shock, anger, desperate pain and longing, adaptation - can be very confusing children especially teenagers, who are already a cauldron of emotions.

But for anyone, the most beneficial way of negotiating the different stages of grief are to accept that you need to roll with the punches – when you are having a good day embrace it and carry on. But when you are having a bad day, you have to let people know that you are struggling so you don’t struggle alone.

An important point to bear in mind is there is no right or wrong way to grief. For instance, no two family members will grieve the same way or at the same time.

And the adage time as a healer is true but it certainly won't feel like it when you're grief is so raw.

Even the established cycle of grief – from shock and numbness, to pain and sorrow, even anger at being left behind, to eventually some sort of acceptance - does not always occur in this same sequence. And this cycle shouldn’t be rushed.

What every person needs to discover is what works best for them while they grieve.

Again, sharing feelings helps most people while some prefer to work things out on their own. As long as they do that and don’t leave their grief unresolved.

Think of ways that you or maybe the entire family, or friendship group if you've lost a friend -can celebrate the person’s life.

Think of their interests and what were their passions and what made them happy and planning how to memorialise them.

Even the small things can make a difference to helping you through the grief process – for instance, they might have had a favourite flower and if you plant one or put one on a pot, on your windowsill, it can be a source of comfort thinking how much they would love that.

Unresolved grief

The first step for anyone who suddenly experiences a deep sense of loss or even PTSD long after a loved one’s death, is to realise it’s never too late to resolve unresolved grief issues! 

Talking definitely helps and it’s important to share with someone you trust what you’ve been going through. Sometimes a trusted friend or family member will do – you finally open up to them – other times you might feel you’d rather speak to a professional grief counsellor.

Grieving becomes a one day at a time way of living. Once you start to deal with your loss you can start to think how you can best celebrate the person you miss.

Definitely contact any local bereavement services if you are struggling with your grief.

Having been bereaved twice in the last year I feel for you. Covid has added another dimension to how we grieve, making this process even more difficult, even traumatic.

Lots of love, Pam x

Virtual Grieving Won't Work For Everyone | Franciscan Health


Has lockdown destroyed your dating confidence to get back out there?

My latest column for Wingman Dating App is all about rebuilding your dating confidence...

So many people have lost their dating mojo during lockdown, life has been turned upside down so it’s no surprise. When we are taken out of our comfort zone, our confidence often dips.

It probably feels daunting knowing that soon you’ll be socialising again. You might have already started with meet ups with social distancing! However, many who are contacting me in my day coaching role are struggling to get their confidence back on track.

Here are some top tips to boost your dating confidence:

Confidence Tip No. 1: BE PREPARED - I’m always telling singles to be prepared because you never know when you might run into your Mr or Ms Potential. When you’re out and about - even off to the shops – you can always be ready with a ‘socially distanced’ smile and a friendly vibe. 

The same is true for being prepared for online chats when you’re on a dating app - Wingman of course! Collect your thoughts and give yourself time before you go online so that you’re feeling relaxed and not daunted by who you might meet.

Generally, be ready and prepared for whomever life throws in your path and it’ll soon become a habit. You’ll never have that flustered, tongue-tied moment again when you’ve gone, for instance, to meet friends and there is someone new there. 

Confidence Tip No. 2: BELIEVE IN YOU – We are all body language experts and it’s so easy to tell when someone doesn’t believe in themselves – their body language is nervous, often collapsed inwards against the world. 

We make judgements very quickly about others because we read their body language. It’s the same with you and you need to be aware of that. If you go out thinking you’ll “never meet someone”, “no one’s going to be interested in you”, doubting you’re “even worthy of love”, people ‘read’ that.

It’s crucial you go out holding in mind three reasons why you’re a catch. Think about your friends and family and what they value in you. Remind yourself of those qualities.

 

Confidence Tip No. No. 3: YOUR PERSONAL VIBE - A step on from believing in yourself is thinking about your vibe - could it be over-keen or intense? That makes others feel uneasy. Or could it be laid back and maybe even disinterested?

The balance you want to strike is friendly, a bit flirty and interested in the singles you meet. Run through in your mind memories of when you’ve been out there in the past trying to meet someone. Has anyone ever said you come over as ODT or withdrawn? Work on that.

Confidence Tip No. 4: CREATE A COMFORT ZONE – Creating a comfort zone around you means taking the anxiety out of your life when you have dates and meet ups to get ready for. It means you don’t arrive in a state of nerves, 35 minutes late because you hadn’t got yourself sorted, etc.

For your own peace of mind, creating your comfort zone means you’ve, for example, given yourself time to get ready and arrive ready for fun – not flustered! Even doing practical things like getting your outfit ready the night before, helps create your comfort zone on the day of the date.

Confidence Tip No. 5: WIDEN YOUR CIRCLE OPPORTUNITY - This is one of the main things I highlight to singles. If, once everything is opened up, you still go to the same places looking to meet someone new - and you haven’t found it - then these places aren’t working!

Keep in mind the saying that “new places equal new faces” so find some new places to go, get new hobbies/interests, hit the gym/sports group (great meeting place!) and widen that circle of opportunity to meet new people.

Part two for building your dating confidence, coming up next time.

Good luck and happy dating, Pam x

Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php

 Unstoppable Self Confidence: Never Ask Yourself These Two Questions

 

 


Don't miss the fantastic guest on my radio show tomorrow, April 1sr, 2 PM, UK time...

I'm super psyched for the fantastic guests I have on my show tomorrow at 2 PM, UK time on The Men's Radio Station! it's kicking off with actor and singer Antony Costa talking about what he's up to, upcoming projects and also what's trending on social media – and how those trends relate back to our lives.

Next up is Dr Funke Baffour who will discuss teenagers well-being and mental health with me, and tips for parents of teenagers - don't we all need those tips!

Last but not least is Dr Jon Abramovich who is a specialist in OCD and he will be sharing all sorts of must-know information about how OCD develops, what you can do and how families can cope.

You can comment live, ask questions or share your story on the station's Facebook and YouTube Channels - 

 
I look forward to your comments!
 
If you miss it it's repeated Friday at 4 PM on both the Men's Radio Station as well as the Women's Radio Station. Love, Pam x
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When your new date and friend don’t get along! Advice on how to cope...

Here's my latest Winman Dating Ap-p column...

It’s a scenario so many singles dread. You’ve finally found someone that you really like spending time with. It’s got to the point where you introduce them to your friends. And then one of your friends clashes with your new boyfriend or girlfriend.

Life would be so simple if all your friends got along with the new person in your life. You’re at the stage with them where you don’t want to have to deal with stress. Then when you finally have introduced them, it’s very stressy with one of them not taking a liking to this new person.

It’s so uncomfortable, you feel responsible for how your new date feels and you’re also feeling probably a bit angry about it. “Why can’t my friends just be accepting?” is what you thinking.

Here are a few tips to try to smooth a better path:

*Set your boundaries straightaway with this friend. You don’t have to make matters worse right when this is happening - on the night out where you’ve introduced them – but give them a call the next day.

Ask them if they had some sort of problem with your new date. Explore why they took against the new person in your life. Let them know how much it means to you if they would be welcoming to them.

*They don’t have to be best friends. Make it clear that your friend and your new date don’t have to be best friends. Simply ask for them to give another chance to get along together.

*Ask how you can make it a smoother meeting the next time you get them together. Your friend might open up about how they are worried you’re rushing into things or some other reason why they weren’t friendly. By asking how you can smooth things over, and hearing any potential reason such as this, gives you the chance to reassure your friend that everything is okay.

*If your friend complains that your new date wasn’t actually friendly to them, you’ll have to tackle that! Is your new date a bit shy? Or some other reason which might have led them to acting a bit standoffish? You can get to the heart of these types of problems and get everybody feeling a friendly vibe.

*Of course, down the line it might be that a friend thinks you’re neglecting your friendship by putting your heart and soul into your new relationship. This is always a good time to stop and think about how you balance friendships with someone new.

Ask yourself if you are neglecting friends? It can be a balancing act but it can be done.

Sometimes it feels like you’re being pulled in so many directions when all you want to do is enjoy your new relationship and your established friendships. Take a positive attitude that having had good, honest and supportive chats, that things will work out.

Finally, definitely don’t give in to emotional blackmail from either an established friend or a new partner about how much time you’re investing in the other. They need to be grown-ups about the situation too.

Good luck and happy dating, Pam x

Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php

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