Latest From the Blog


Please join me Thurs, October 29 & Friday 30th for my radio show....  

 

My new show on The Men’s Radio Station (here) and its sister station The Women’s Radio Station (here) can be caught live Thursday, October 29 at 2 PM if you go on to The Men’s Radio Stations YouTube, Facebook or Twitter channels.

 It’s then repeated Friday at 4 PM on both of the stations websites (website links above)

This week I have three fantastic guests – Lady Nadia Essex discussing all the important trends that matter to you and me as well as her number one rated podcast and having a baby during lockdown. Also Steve King joins me to talk about his role in the horror film The Living Dead – just in time for Halloween! Plus the psychologist Dr Christopher Dwyer whose written extensively about why humans love getting frightened will join me to discuss that fascinating topic.

There will be personal stories and advice too.  

During Thursday’s live show you can comment through The Men’s Radio Station’s social media channels as listed above. I hope to hear from you, love, Pam x


Do they have commitment issues? Part 2: Five more signs to watch for!

Here is the second part to my last Wingman Dating App column...

In my last column I outlined five signs to watch out for when you’re with someone new and you’re looking for commitment. Obviously, there’s a huge variety of signs that can signal someone doesn’t want a deep and meaningful relationship. That they’re happy just coasting along and they’re not looking for ‘the one’ even if they act like they’re pretty into you.

This is pretty crucial stuff as the average age of people marrying has gone up to the early-mid 30s as has the average age of people having their first child (if they want children). It means there’s less time to play with especially if you’re a woman of a certain age who wants to have children. No time wasters here, thank you!

Here are five more signs to watch out for:

There's something secretive about them - Non-committers often have an elusive quality about them. Frequently you can’t tell what they’re up to or doing with their spare time. They don’t give away a lot about this time apart from you.

Sometimes it's hard to put your finger on it but if your intuition springs to life giving you messages like, "what do they do with their time?" you can tick this box.

They’re undeniably good in bed - Non-committers use their great sexual chemistry as part of their ‘self-protection’ policy. It keeps a new partner hooked believing that the sexual passion equals passionate love.

 

But on closer examination the emotional chemistry is definitely lacking. Don't let the good sex fool you into thinking that this is the real thing.

 

Their actions speak louder than words - A non-committer is skilled at saying the right things but doesn't necessarily do them. You'll find over time that they’re good at saying what you want to hear but nothing happens and promises fail to materialise.

 

A common example is that they “talk the talk" about moving in together. They’ll even talk about the detail of the sort of location or place that’d work best but it never goes further. There’s no movement behind their words.

 

Their very best friend is of the opposite sex - In my last column I mentioned how they’re really good with the opposite sex (we’re talking straight relationships here) but you might also find that he or she has the most enduring and best friendship with a member of the opposite sex too.

 

Ultimately this can be confusing to you: how can they have such a great friendship with him/her but don’t seem to deepen things with me?

 

Having ‘the conversation’ is difficult with them - Because a non-committer can be a lot of fun, they can be good in bed, they get on with the opposite sex, etc., you’d be forgiven for thinking they’d be good at having big conversations – like where your relationship’s going.

However, when you try to have a serious conversation with someone who has commitment issues, you often find that you’re the only one going deep in it. You’re the one who confesses the seriousness of your feelings, your hopes and your dreams. You’ll notice you don’t get that back from them. It can feel a bit like banging your head against a brick wall with these attempts at having deep conversations.

It’s up to you if you stick with it after noticing these signs in this new person. I wouldn’t give it too long though if time is a bit short for you and you really are looking for full commitment.

Are You Dating Someone With Commitment Issues?

Happy dating, Pam x

Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php

 


Missed my new radio show? Here's the link...

I'd be so happy if you check it out as my amazing guests and I covered many topics offering personal stories and advice - topics included affairs, body shaming, embarrassing family members, lazy work colleagues and living with a narcissist! Here's the link! Happy weekend, Pam x


Do they have commitment issues? Part 1.

Here's my latest column for Wingman Dating App...

I frequently get asked about how to tell if someone has commitment issues. People will say to me that their new partner seems “great” but they think their relationship isn’t “deepening” and could this be about commitment?

Let’s face it, this is a big deal if you’re looking for commitment at this point in your life! I've noted over the years that at a psychological and emotional level there are a number of signs you might be with a ‘non-committer’. This is by no means an exhaustive list but certainly the following are some key signs that the person you’re now dating probably isn’t looking for something deep and meaningful:

They’re guarded about meeting your family or introducing you to their family. There comes a point where we quite naturally want to meet each other's friends and family. The non-committer will dream up every excuse under the sun why they don’t want you to meet their family, e.g., that they’re "difficult", they live far away and they don’t see them much anyway. They’re most likely to also back out of meeting yours with some excuse or other.

 

They were married early in life and that failed. I used to call this the "George Clooney phenomenon" – married and divorced in early adulthood. But this was before he met the sensational Amal - and finally got married for a second time. People who have an early taste of marriage, that was unhappy, often swear off ever marrying again. This can fool you. You might think they’ve been married before so maybe they'll change his/her mind and do it again. Don't hold your breath!

 

They’re good with the opposite sex. (We’re talking same-sex relationships here) It's incredibly aggravating the way a male non-committer gets on so well with women. And vice versa – a female non-committer gets on so well with men. They tend to be incredibly popular with the opposite sex so you think that signals good news for you! This might be part of their defence mechanisms where they can claim that "they adore women/men" when you're asking why they won't commit to a serious relationship.

They use material goods to make up for bad behaviour. When they’ve behaved badly the non-committer will use their imagination to buy you a gift as an apology. This means that rather than sort out the issue properly by giving you support, understanding and love, they can get away with what is actually a shallow effort.

 

Their work, friends or interests come first. Ultimately if you're involved with a non-committer, you'll find you come second to something else in their life. Be it forging on with their career, their fantastic circle of friends or their love of, e.g., mountain climbing, you'll have a sense that's his/her priority is sadly not you.

Next week I’ll have five more signs that he or she is a non-committer. In the meantime, happy dating, Pam x

Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php

Are You Dating Someone With Commitment Issues?


Some links to my first show on the Women's Radio Station & Men's Radio Station...

Despite having a raging head cold I really enjoyed my first show that goes out on both stations! both my guests were fantastic - Charlie King who you've undoubtedly seen on your TV screens and Dr Mariette Jansen the author of a book on narcissism.

We discussed wide ranging topics from the body shaming Billie Eilish experienced, affairs and flirtations off the back of the Dominic West allegations in the press about allegedly getting close to his co-star Lily James.

We also chatted about how to cope with embarrassing family or friends following on from the Hunter Biden email allegations about pressuring his father Joe Biden over Ukrainian business. No matter if there is any truth or not in these allegations, it's still embarrassing for the Biden presidential campaign!

And we also covered workmates/colleagues who don't pull their weight after Prof Angus Dalgliesh slammed Matt Hancock for being useless at his job.

If you missed it here are the links to the video version of the show.

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=711398379586395

https://twitter.com/MensRadioStn/status/1316725495795347457

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sLhVgXBgT4

The audio version of the show was repeated this past Friday and will be broadcast next Friday (October 23rd) on both Men's Radio and Women's Radio station websites at 4pm!

It will also be available on demand as a podcast on the stations' shared SoundCloud account and Women's Radio station website from next Thursday (October 22nd). 

https://womensradiostation.com/ 

https://mensradiostation.com/

https://soundcloud.com/womensradiostation

I hope you enjoy the wide ranging discussions, stories and advice! Love, Pam x


Is That So-called Friend A Toxic Influence On Your Dating?

Here's my latest Wingman Dating at column...

The whole point of Wingman Dating App is about a friend helping you find love. But in the real world there are so-called friends who actually can be quite toxic when it comes to you finding love.

A solid friendship will stand the ‘dating test’ - the fact that you might’ve started seeing someone new and have less time for your friend. We only have so many hours in a day!

Or the fact that you’re going to lots of singles events or spending time talking to possible dates on your app because you really want to meet someone. And that takes up time too.

But if your friendship’s on shaky grounds they won’t be thinking about your well-being and the fact you’re happy seeing someone new. I really want to meet someone.

Friends can be very hurt when they feel they become second best. It’s important to be honest and say how much you value them, and want to see them come but you hope they’ll understand that your juggling this new relationship – or search for love – too.

With a little honest chat most friends get on board but others – usually with big insecurities – can undermine things.

Toxic signs to watch for

How To Spot Toxic People In Your Life | Voices of Youth

There are some so called friends who just don’t ‘get’ that friendship is about give-and-take especially when you’re starting a new relationship. Here are 10 top signs to watch out for:

  • It’s all about your friend when you’re out – what their needs are, what they hope for, etc.
  • he/she will elbow you out of the way to talk to the potential date you’ve been talking to
  • they put you down in front of others when there are singles around, trying to undermine you
  • they manipulate you into doing things they want to do - or going places they want to go - and never returns the favour
  • they’ll go off with someone they’ve met, on your night out together, leaving you on your own
  • they’ll flirt with someone you’ve started seeing and they might even try and take it further just to prove they can
  • they’ll make sure they’re always the centre of attention when you’re out together
  • they’ll criticise your look, your convo, etc., again undermining you
  • when a new person lets you down they’ll be too direct (and potentially wrong) saying things like they were out of your league
  • that new person has dumped you, you’re heart-broken but they wouldn’t bother changing plans to comfort you

If you have a ‘friend’ who behaves like this proceed with caution with this friendship. It’s like with a bad boyfriend/girlfriend, do you really need this person in your life? I really mean this, you should question why you’d have a friend like this.

A good friend will ‘big you up’ when out at a singles event or bar together. They’ll comfort you when you been let down. They’ll understand when you have someone new in your life that they’ll probably see less of you but that isn’t forever.

The key thing it comes back to is, would you treat your friend in this negative way? Or would you be a good supportive friend. That should help you decide about having a full and frank discussion with them about how they’re letting you down.

The best case scenario is they’ll apologise and become a proper wingman/wingwoman for you!

Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php

 

 


Join me for my first show on Women's Radio Station & Men's Radio Station...

I'm so excited for my new show on both of these sister stations starting this Thursday at 2 PM – please join me for Trending With Dr Pam - I'll be taking up to the moment topics that relate to our lives, loves, relationships, well-being and mental health.

They'll go out on the two stations social platforms at 2 PM on Thursday and on the stations themselves at 4 PM on Friday – every other week.

Each show I'll be joined by celebrity guest as well as an expert guest on topics that matter to you and me.

You can find them on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube and of course online - search for Women's Radio Station & Men's Radio Station!

See you then, lots of love, Pam x

 

 


Five questions you should ask yourself if in a new relationship Part 2!

In my last column for Wingman dating app I covered five questions you should ask yourself if you start dating someone and you’re wondering if it could be an emotionally healthy long-term relationship. It’s a good exercise for sorting out what you want from this new person.

It also helps clear a path through all the sexual chemistry – that can confuse whether or not you’re really compatible – to ask these types of questions. Here are the second five questions to think about!

Ask yourself these and answer honestly…

Do we both seem the type of people who want to make a relationship work? You can usually tell within weeks of dating someone if there into a mature, emotionally healthy relationship or not. By actively thinking about it, it helps you from letting those feelings like you want to jump into bed with them all the time, not cloud your judgement.

 

Do we both feel we can discuss things freely and raise issues with each other? What’s happened when it’s come to paying for dates? Or when it’s come to finding things you both are up for doing on a date? Do you find these things easy to discuss with this new person? Or is there a lot of awkwardness? If the latter, you may need to work on clear communication with them to give things the best chance.

 

Are we both the type of people to commit to working through the hard times? You two might not have faced a big challenge at this point early in your relationship. But what do you know about past challenges they faced? Do they seem like a problem solver or do they tell you tales about how they try to ‘avoid’ any issues? This can help guide you to an answer about what they would be like when you face hard times.

 

Do we share the same sort of timing and needs for a sexual relationship? Yes, it’s 2020 but the sexual side of things often put a dampener on a new relationship. If one of you has felt pressured – in other words, the timing hasn’t been right for them – or if one of you has a much greater need to get things started sexually – it can be tricky for a long-term love.

 

Do we each have supportive ‘others’ around us? This is a really important question to mull over. Have they lost a lot of friends and family members over recent years through arguments and disagreements? Or do they seem like they have stable friendships and family life? One judge of their volatility and emotional stability is whether they have maintained good relationships. If they have that spells good news for a long term relationship!

 

Happy dating, Pam x

 

Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php

 


Part 1 of the questions you should ask yourself when dating someone new...

For my latest Wingman App Dating column I've tackled an issue that comes up all the time.

I’m constantly asked by people in the first flush of ‘love’ (that is really the first flush of lust): “How can I tell if we’ve got the basis for a really good relationship?

This is the million pound question that’s complicated to answer because there are so many factors that affect what direction your relationship will take. Will it end up true love or will it end up as drama and heartache?

One way of analysing how you think you’re doing with your new partner is to ask yourself 10 key questions. Here are the first five, next week the next five!

person-thinking - modmar

Ask yourself and answer honestly…

Are my new partner and I a “good fit”? By ‘good fit’ I mean do things seem pretty harmonious between you? You haven’t stressed out over things like who is paying for a date, you seem to share the same sorts of values, you seem to enjoy doing the same things, etc.

 

Do we have a strong basis for a friendship? “Friendship?” You’re asking yourself. “This is passion, this is love, this is chemistry,” you’re thinking! Those things are wonderful but if you’re going to be together a long time, it’s important to also feel like they’re your friend.

 

Do we want the same things in our relationship and out of life? Are you both pretty driven in your respective careers or are you both more relaxed? Do you both lust after a home and 2.4 children or are you more interested in adventure? Quite early on you can usually gauge where your new partner stands on such things.

 

Are our expectations realistic? Both of your expectations are crucial to determining your relationship happiness. If even one of you has expectations of perfection, lots of romance all the time, and being indulged and spoilt, that spells trouble.

 

Obviously, most people fall somewhere in the middle of those huge expectations and very low expectations for relationship. The happiest new couples are those who have similar levels of expectations.

 

Do we generally see the best in each other? Do you feel encouraged and supported by your new partner? And do you do that for them – encourage them? Do they seem positive and optimistic about you and your relationship? And are you positive and optimistic about things with them?

 

A great foundation for a positive relationship is encouraging each other. Quite the opposite of bringing each other down.

 

Happy dating, Pam x

 

Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php


The Emotional Eater's Diet

Buy now on Buy Now
View All books