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Please don't miss my radio show Thursday the 13th of May!

I have brilliant guests for you this Thursday at 2 PM, UK time on the Men's Radio Station - repeated on The Women's Radio Station Friday at 4 PM, UK time!

The inimitable Big Ben Ofoedu, the wonderful Annemarie Bickerton and Robert Grace, plus the gorgeous Sam Tomlin will make it unmissable - plus you can comment live on their social media platforms - here is their FaceBook link and here's their YouTube link!

So ask my guests questions or comment on the issues we'll discuss!

Love, Pam x

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Calling all singles who are dating someone with children...

How to Date When His/Her Children Come As Part of the Package...my new column for Wingman dating App.

I’ve worked with countless singles and dating someone who has children is a very common theme that people worry about. Some singles have a strict rule never to date anyone with children and that’s their prerogative. But for those who are more open-minded, they still have a number of concerns.

 

When you first meet someone it’s easy to make a quick assessment about whether they’re a suitable match. He or she mentions their child or children and that can be a deal breaker. You can’t cherry pick with such a potential partner – you can’t have them without also ‘having’ their children some of the time. Here are a few key thoughts to consider.

Communication is key

After my divorce, I was always open about how important my children were to me. If you sweep your responsibilities under the carpet – like saying your children spend “so much time” with your ex partner – you’re bound to hit trouble. If you’re doing it because you think that new person you’ve met isn’t that keen on children, they are NOT the person for you.

If you meet someone with children, except the fact that it’s quite natural to worry about how they will balance developing a new romance with you, with their responsibilities as a parent. And that’s where clear communication comes in. Ask what would be most helpful, for instance, should you set up a regular night of the week to have a date? Will that help with their childcare?

Being straightforward with your communication by asking such questions, or making such suggestions, will really help cut through loads of potential problems!

Compromise over sharing time

It’s probably going to be the case that his or her child care plans are set in stone. And for the relationship to stand a chance, you need to learn how to work around them from the outset. Otherwise, it’s easy for resentment to set in. You resent the fact that he/she can’t come with you to some event as your plus-one because they’re looking after their child/children.

Look at the bigger picture, try to find compromises with special events or get togethers, but ultimately don’t rock the boat over their childcare plans.

Be mindful of jealous feelings

Jealous feelings are fairly common. After all, the fact he or she has children shows you that they’ve been in a serious relationship before you came along. It’s crucial to be mindful of such feelings of jealousy. Remind yourself that you also have a past relationship track record even if you don’t have children.

Also beware of feeling jealous towards the children themselves. You are not in competition with them so challenge such feelings as being pretty natural but also ones that need to be dampened down quickly.

You’ll never be their dad/mum

Over time you will hopefully get closer to his or her children and might even feel part of the family. That's a fantastic position to develop but never let unexpected motivations like wanting to be loved/adored by their children to drive your behaviour. Think of things being more akin to you becoming a role model – perhaps like being an uncle/aunt to their children. And accepting you'll never be their dad/mum.

Feelings can get complicated for you, him/her and the children

You may have the best intentions for developing a great relationship with your new partner and the children but it's not that simple. It’s crucial to realise that while your relationship may be an exciting beginning for you and him/her, for the kids it’s an ending! It puts a full stop on their hopes that their parents get back together. They have a right to feel unhappy at this loss. If you can accept their feelings are understandable, sooner or later they’ll come round to accepting you.

In my next column I’ll provide you with some top tips for taking this new relationship the full distance.

Good luck and happy dating, Pam x

Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php

 10 Easy Valentine's Day Doodles - Amy Latta Creations

 

 


Are you dating a Love Pirate? Read on...

In my latest Wingman dating App column I tackle those 'love pirates'!

Check the link for more info.

70,408 Pirate Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images - iStock

Always here for you when it comes to dating, pam x


Please don't miss my radio show today at 4 PM!

If you missed out yesterday my show is repeated today at 4 PM on both Women's Radio Station and the Men's Radio Station.

Had a phenomenal chat with the lovely Cheryl Baker who was so open and honest! Followed up by the equally lovely Steven Smith where we discussed everything from tackling a family member or friend you're worried about, affairs and whether to tell someone their partner is cheating, dating, ghosting and more.

Here are the links or you can listen on the stations: 

FB: https://bit.ly/2Qy5MgR YT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6XZODyLqFc

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Singles has this happened to you? When a new love switches off like a light switch?

My latest Wingman Dating App column...

In my line of work, I hear from people about the most extraordinary stories of a new love that suddenly disappears. Suddenly the new person doesn’t want to see them anymore. I call this the ‘love light-switch effect’ and it covers the mysterious things that turn people off.

As a single, it’s important never to underestimate how certain things are like flicking a light-switch from being attracted to someone - to going right off of them.

What I hear from singles, who are feeling hurt and bewildered is: “Everything was going fine and then suddenly they didn’t want to see me anymore!” Maybe you’d had a few – or more – dates and then it was over before it started.

What’s going on in the deeper corners of their mind:

This light-switch affect is often about subconscious associations and these are pretty much beyond your control. Think about how certain things might’ve put you off a person in the past. It happens as easily as this: He/she suddenly says something in a tone of voice or particular way that, for example, immediately reminds you of your ex – that you can’t stand. You don’t even realise the association but think, “Ooh, I’ve gone right off him/her!”

These subconscious things can seem beyond your control unless you decide to make a conscious effort to see if there’s a pattern as to why you’ve gone off potential partners quickly.

Part of this is realising you must be aware of past negative associations. And not allow them to jeopardise dating in the here and now. Some of these things can be hard to put your finger on. But you simply don’t want to go out with them - or they with you. The people you meet can just as easily go off you very quickly due to such associations.

Which is why when someone’s dumped after a few dates and they ask why, the person who has done the dumping, sometimes can’t really explain why. It’s just some – often small – thing they don’t like about you because it’s associated with some sort of negative experience.

Other times it can be a conscious light-switch affect. Like when you go to bed for the first time and it turns out that they have a way of stroking your body that sends the wrong kind of shivers down you. Not the shivers of sexual desire but the shivers of, “Ugh!”

If you have gone off someone very quickly in this ‘love light-switch’ way - and you can pinpoint it - it can be helpful to let them know why you don’t want to continue this new relationship.

And if someone has decided they don’t want to see you again even if it was a very positive start to things, you can get crucial reassurance from the fact that they might not be able to put their finger on why. That it’s probably not all about you. That it’s probably about an association with something in their past that they feel negatively about.

When these seemingly inexplicable early break-ups happen, take comfort from the fact that it’s probably beyond your control and it’s hopefully not that meaningful. That it’s some sort of quirky association from their past. And it should definitely be onwards and upwards as you look for someone new.

Good luck and happy dating, Pam x

Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php

 4,940 Light Switch Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images - iStock

 


Please join me on my radio show this week at 2 PM with fantastic guests...

This Thursday at 2 PM please join me on the Men's Radio Station for a fabulous show!

Kicking off I have the legend Cheryl talking about The Fizz as well as what's trending on social media. She's followed by Afua Adom (a media legend in the making) who will be discussing unhealthy and healthy relationships with me. Last but not least is the adorable Steven Smith – he and I will be chatting about when you have to confront a family member or friend about their self-destructive behaviour as well as ending relationships.

You can have your say and comment live during the show from 2 PM on their social media platforms – here are the links: 

 
Can't wait to see your comments and hear your questions!
 
The show is repeated Friday at 4 PM on the Men's Station and its sister station The Women's Radio Station, lots of love, Pam x
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Thinking of dating them again? Must know tips if getting back with an ex...

My Wingman Dating App column this week gives you food for thought...

You've been through a breakup but you've had a creeping feeling that it was a little hasty and second thoughts have set in.

You miss their sense of humour, the Sunday morning sex-on-tap, and even the little things they did that once annoyed you. Well, you're in good company - join the post-breakup crowd as about 80% of couples give it a second go.

It's rare that a couple breaks-up and never thinks about giving it one last shot. There's practically always some unfinished business that brings you back together again.

Five WRONG reasons for dating them again -

To save your precious time and spare any extra heartache, be honest if any of the following are pushing you back towards them. These are the five main - and wrong – reasons people go back to exes:

1/ Loneliness: Are you going back because you've been lonely since the break-up? This is a biggie for both men and women but loneliness is never a reason to date them again. It's tempting to have another go when your bed and life seem empty but that often means you'll settle for a third-rate relationship.

2/ Sex: You two might’ve fought like cats and dogs but if the sex was great it can be a big temptation to try again. You can't hinge long-term happiness on the bedroom-action alone because after the first 6 to 12 months couples spend more of their time out of the bedroom anyway. You need to share good things across the whole relationship.

3/ The pressure's on: Are they pressurising you to go out again? Have they managed to grind down your ability for rational thought and your honest belief that it's probably not a good idea to give it a second chance? With vast imbalance between your motivations to try again it's bound to fall apart quickly.

4/ No immediate alternatives: Since your breakup three days, three weeks, or three months ago you haven't met anyone else. So you're figuring there aren't any available alternatives. But post-breakup you’re probably giving off the wrong vibes to attract other people. It's bound to fail if going back to them is all about not having found someone else.

5/ The lazy option: If you're honest with yourself, is it that you can't be bothered to go through all that dating "stuff" with someone new. That type of relationship laziness spells trouble - for any relationship.

How to make it work the second time around

Hand on heart, if you think you're getting back for some good reasons, give it the best possible shot:

*Can you talk about what went wrong without arguing? A clue that you’re both committed to really trying again is that you manage to discuss past issues without descending into the rows that originally finished your relationship.

*Can you both see where you each went wrong? A break-up is rarely one person's fault - if both of you can now see what part you each played that's a healthy start.

*Have your issues changed? If the main issue/s that came between you previously has changed it's a good sign. For instance, if you were always stressed from working too long hours - and now manage your time better - that bodes well.

*Have you both brought ideas to the table about how it might work better this time? If you're both thinking about different and better ways to do things this time around it boosts your chances.

*Can you agree new tactics? You both should be feeling happy about trying new ways of relating to each other. Maybe you’re now both aware you need to listen more and never storm out over a disagreement.

Ultimately dating again and doing the same old thing will lead to another breakup. It's up to you both to create a new, better and more loving vibe this time.

A final word of warning - proceed cautiously when talking about any ‘love-action’ you had while apart! Discretion is crucial even if they say they wants to know what you've been up to while on your ‘break". Remember what happened to Ross in sitcom Friends when he ‘fessed up to Rachel about having a fling on their break… it didn't end on friendly terms.

Good luck and happy dating, Pam x

Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php 

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I had a fantastic time on the Waffle Shop Podcast... Although I did cry at one point...

It was great to join Taylor from the Waffle Shop Podcast for a good old chat about everything from impostor syndrome, to anxiety, to art! Here's the link, I hope you enjoy it: https://linktr.ee/TheWaffleShopPodcast

Take care, Pam x


A few thoughts on attending family functions when you're in the middle of a family feud...

The lovely people at the Guardian and Observer newspapers asked for some of my thoughts on the difficulties of attending a family function – like a funeral as the Royal family has just done – when you're in the midst of family difficulties.

Here's the link, my comments are towards the bottom: I hope it gives you a little food for thought if this is your situation.

Best of luck, Pam x

500+ Grief Pictures [HD] | Download Free Images on Unsplash


Has lockdown destroyed your dating confidence to get back out there? Part 2 of my advice...

Here's My latest column for Wingman Dating app...

In last week’s column I tackled the first five tips to regaining your dating confidence as you strike out looking for that special person. Don’t feel too anxious about getting back out on the dating scene. Singles are in the same boat and following these practical tips will help you navigate the ‘new normal’ with dating.

Here are five more tips to boost your dating confidence:

Confidence Tip No. 6: LOOK FOR FUN - Unfortunately if you head out looking for the love of your life, your soul-mate, and your future baby-daddy or mummy, it can come across as overly keen. However, if you go out looking for a chance to get to know people better and for fun it comes across as attractive and easy-going. Even if wedding bells and babies are on your agenda, when you first meet people isn’t the time to bang on about it.

Confidence Tip No. 7: KEEP THEM WANTING MORE – I’m totally against gameplaying when you mess with someone’s mind. However, being at someone’s beck and call means you give up too much of your own life. Be ready to message and/or chat with them but don’t change your plans for a new person.

Plus, your life is still personal to you. You don’t have to give someone new a run-down of everything you’re doing that day. By keeping personal things, personal, you create a sense that you have a life and you will slowly let them in rather than making them the centre of your life right now.

Confidence Tip No. 8: REJECTION ISN’T FAILURE - We all get rejected and not just once but many times when were single. If you treat it as a failure, it will hang around you creating a negative vibe. Instead put things in perspective and recognise the could be all sorts of reasons why he/she didn’t want to take things further. They could have decided they don’t want anything serious, they could have been landed with extra work and realise they don’t have time to date, all sorts of things.

Turn the tables on your thinking - you've undoubtedly turned someone down because of any number of reasons and it didn't make that person a sad reject. Onwards and upwards!

Confidence Tip No. 9: SWITCH OFF SHYNESS – Unfortunately, shyness can be misinterpreted as aloofness meaning you miss out on some good people. Or they take your shyness as disinterest so they don’t take things further. Switch off your shyness by switching the spotlight onto them when you meet up. Ask them straightforward questions, ask if they’ve seen any films or music they like recently, etc.

Confidence Tip No. 10YOUR ROMANTIC CHECKLIST - Everyone starts out dating with a checklist – what’s on yours? The things that the man or woman you’re looking for supposedly must have before you’d date them. Is it as long as your arm?

Please think through what you think you’re looking for! Yes, keep things like ‘they must have a GSOH’ and ‘they must be respectful’ on your list but dump the frivolous things like they must have a specific hair/eye colour or height. These things hold you back. Open up that list to the qualities that are important and less about such shallow things

Good luck and happy dating, Pam x

Check out Dr Pam’s art gallery and shop for gift ideas, fantastic for a loved one: https://drpam.co.uk/art.php

 Building Self-Confidence | WeDevelopYou.com


The Emotional Eater's Diet

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