She had the baby and he lost his lust...

She had the baby and he lost his lust...As with all articles all personal details are changed: A friend, Alison, 38, discovered her husband Graham, 41, no longer sees her as desirable. He loves her without question, but lusting after her? That was a thing of the past.

During their six years of marriage they’ve had a great sex life. You know how we girls chat – I've heard nothing but praise for his skills. But this changed once they had a baby.

Alison noticed Graham was sensitive to her well-being during labour - that was long and difficult - and over the four months since the birth. Alison remarked a month post-birth that his attentiveness made her feel treasured.

With increasing alarm, though, she realised Graham's resisted having sex. She confided her fears he no longer found her attractive. But that didn't equate with his frequent remarks that ‘she made a beautiful mother’.

I suggested coaxing him along with romance as maybe he hadn't wanted to rush her. Alison and I were fishing around in the dark at this point. One candlelit dinner later, as the baby slept, Alison flirtatiously suggested they seize the moment.

Graham balked at this and I realised he may have a Madonna complex: only seeing Alison as mother of his child and no longer as a lover. This is quite common.

Some tips to remedy this include banning excessive "baby talk" taking over conversations. Instead chat about grown-up topics, too. Not always being seen in your nursing-bra but getting out the seductive gear when up to it. Leading with your own behaviour - flirtatious texts and romantic gestures. And reassuring a man who may think you've been damaged in childbirth that you're a.o.k for adult action.

Thankfully by carving out more adult time, and with gentle reminders that they were still the same couple - and not simply parents - Graham slowly came round to the idea that it was fine to see Alison as both desirable and mother of his child. Otherwise they may have needed couples counselling.

An edited version of this was published in The Times

Did you find this article interesting?

Enter your details below to join the monthly mailing list.


Eva the Bear and the Magic Snowflake As Brangelina split, tips parents must use... No surprise when parents are too tired for sex... The Good Parenting Guide to Christmas-after-Divorce... Don't Let the Exam-Season Become a Disaster... Potty Training Is Child's Play!... She had the baby and he lost his lust... Oh Mother - Are You a Natural Born Meddler? Teen Sex & Relationships WHAT ARE YOUR TEENS GETTING UP TO? Teens, drugs, drink and peer pressure TEENS AT HOME - responsibilities & chores Teens - privacy at home & sibling relationships Teens - family communication & divorce Teens & step families Teens - keeping them interested in life Teens - their future & sports and interests Teens - schoolwork & truancy The key to having happy holidays & getting Dad involved with your children! Mums returning to work - thoughts and advice! Celebrities and their ‘mum profiles’- which are you? Do's And Don'ts When Breaking-Up To Protect Your Children I Was A TV Tyrant - how you can limit your children's TV viewing! Speak Of The Devil! Is communication tricky with your teenagers? QUIZ: Will Your Teen Daughter Get Pregnant? How Parents Can Manage Teen Drinking Stepfamilies: Step Up To The Challenges! Don't Be Driven Potty by Potty Training! The Stepmother's Guide to Mother's Day & Beyond Prevent Mother-Daughter Battles! How To Prevent Sibling Rivalry Imperfect Mothers Are Actually The Most Perfect Mums Of All! Getting On With Your Grown-up Children Don't Let the Exam-Season Become a Disaster Coping With Empty Nest Syndrome The Parents' Guide To De-stressing Your Children Seven Things Not To Say To Your Children Together Again - When Grown-up Children Move Home Boost Your Child's Confidence With Seven Surefire Suggestions! A Back-to-School Confidence Masterclass for Your Children Depression-Proof Your Young Child Seven Simple Ways To Boost Your's Child's Self-esteem! Help Your Child Develop A Positive Relationship With Food Help Your Child Have a Healthy Regard For Alcohol Survive Your Child's Schoolwork Demons! Seven Things You Should Never Say To Your Children