Money, Men And You

Money, Men And You

You might be surprised recent research has found many women are attracted to men because of their high-earning power. The chaps were viewed as particularly good "catches" if earning £50,000+ annually. This seems ludicrous in an age where most women work, a number earning more than the men they date. However these findings demonstrate the ingrained belief that money equals social-value, and that equals power. Whether or not a woman needs a man's money, because surely she should earn her own, power’s still an aphrodisiac.

 

It explains why women are attracted to men like Bernie Ecclestone, Andrew Lloyd Webber and Donald Trump. Needless to say it wasn’t their looks. You may not be an international-supermodel and able to land such a plutocrat, but working down the high street this research suggests you might succumb to the pulling-power in a man's earnings.

Considerations about money are important to relationships as money-matters feature in a third of divorces. So putting aside the apparent "allure" of a high-earner, what's important is your outlooks to money. People approach finances in different ways and it can be an explosive combination if your partner approaches it differently. This is because our attitudes to spending/saving, shaped early in life, are extremely strongly held beliefs wherever they fall on the big-spender to big-saver spectrum.

 

The Four Types Of Money-Minded Personalities

 

From years of talking to hundreds of people I’ve identified four main Money-Minded personalities. Read each profile to identify yours, and that of your partner's if in a relationship.

 

A/ Super Saver: Overly cautious with spending. May be considered extremely "tight". Is never generous even when gift-giving. Always has a savings account or three (!). Very cautious about investments - even missing out on good deals through caution. Probably had parsimonious parents and lived in constrained circumstances due to their parents’ penny-pinching. 

 

B/ Sensible: Careful, but not cautious, when it comes to spending. Likely to have a savings and/or pension plan but will spend occasionally on "extras" or luxuries. Plan ahead for any weather but would never be accused of being “tight”. Probably from a family that had a well-planned life with a home, mortgage, cars and holidays that weren't extravagant. 

 

C. Splurger: May occasionally over/binge-spend. Likely to have one or two credit card debts. They know they shouldn't overspend and can pinpoint circumstances underlying spending sprees. Recognise when they’ve gone too far and try to bail themselves out. When on an even-keel they’ve the best intentions and might save. May’ve come from a family where the parents gave mixed messages about finances or the parents themselves occasionally over-splurged. Childhood might’ve been shaped by occasional panics about finances.

 

D. Super Spender: A constant over-spender who’s always in trouble. Often have larger-than-life personalities that go with their larger-than-their-bank-balance spending. No idea how to save or have a goal in terms of financial intelligence. Unless they get help, or rein in their worst impulses, they’re likely to go bankrupt. The majority had a parent/s unable to control their spending. Their childhood would’ve been insecure with regular money worries.

 

In light of these personality types will ££s pull your relationship apart?

 

Differences in money-minded personality types will pull you apart if you don't communicate and compromise. Whether initially attracted to someone's earning power, or not, you still need to negotiate potential problems. Here are five financial “must-dos” to help negotiate the money-minefield whether you’ve different or similar attitudes to finances.

 

1/ The Little Things Count! In the first flush of love/dating it’s hard to raise money matters. People feel embarrassed. But it's important right from the start, e.g., in deciding who pays on dates or if you share costs. Be straightforward about these matters. If it continues to feel awkward discussing such issues you’re setting up future problems if together in the long-term. You lay down positive foundations if you confidently discuss finance when it arises.

 

2/ Budgets Are Good! As your relationship deepens budgeting issues become important. One of you may have higher out goings, e.g., a higher mortgage. Together decide who puts in what towards making purchases that benefit you both, e.g., leisure pursuits and holidays. Negotiate spending when going on holiday together and where one has more disposable income. Don't be pressured into spending more because your partner earns more. State what your budget is and stick to it.

 

3/ Honesty Is Best! Honesty/openness about your finances becomes increasingly important as things progress. Secrecy about money causes insecurity. If either of you is “secretive” it’s best to know why since some use this as a way of controlling a relationship. Be brave and sit the secretive partner down. Calmly describe your worries and ask why they, e.g., hide credit card receipts. Once difficult emotions are in-the-open they’re easier to handle.

 

4/ Negotiate Compromise! The sooner you start to compromise over expenditure the more you protect your future together. If one of you is a Super Spender and the other a Super Saver it works to sit down regularly, discuss budgets and compromise. If a big expenditure is coming up, e.g., buying a three-piece suite and the Super Spender wants a luxurious one, looking through the reality of bank balances in black and white can help stifle their impulsiveness.

 

5/ Compartmentalise Money Worries! If you’ve any money difficulties don't let these seep into the rest of your relationship, draining away the fun and harmony you have in other areas. Keep your boundaries clear. If you, e.g., disagree over whose family to visit at the weekend don't throw-in the argument about money you recently had to fuel the flames.

 

Ultimately if you decide to marry/cohabit it’s worth considering professional legal/financial advice. Many wouldn't want a pre-marital agreement. However they do offer protection for particular sets of circumstances. Working together like this means that money issues won't work against you.

 

Published in The Express Newspaper

 


Did you find this article interesting?

Enter your details below to join the monthly mailing list.

Archive


Getting Together Again? Affair-Proof Your Relationship The Ultimate Christmas Relationship Survival Guide... Understanding and Overcoming Your Pre-Wedding Jitters and On-the-day Nerves... Getting Together Again... Excuses at the Ready ... How to Re-light Your Fire - And Make the Second Time around a Success! Two People, But One-sided... Some thoughts on people with love Plan-Bs Passion Fatigue... How to Walk Away from an Unhappy Relationship... Subconscious Sabotage... Whatever Makes You Happy... Money does matter... Body Image Nightmare... Understanding and Overcoming Your Pre-Wedding Jitters and On-the-day Nerves – Age-gap anxiety... Friends Connected at the Hip & Dating... Marriage SOS... Dating Again after a Breakup... Laughed straight between the sheets.... Too Good to be True... Beware the Mention of the Exes... Murder on the Dance Floor.... Lusting after Another Love... The Rise of the Plan B Pact... How Romance Can Be like Extracting Teeth... Credit Crunch Couples... Christmas time advice for struggling couples... Third-Party Interference... Opposites That Don't Attract... The Female Self-Destruct Button The Convenience of Compartments... Unlikely Apologies... Masculine Confidences The Chill Look of Contempt... He/She Isn't the Person That I Settled Down With.... Dating at a Distance... The Imperfect Perfectionists... Why He Doesn't Ring When He Says He Will... The Curse Of The Competitive Couples... It Seemed So Right, Now It’s So Wrong.... I married my mother... Never Under-estimate a GSOH... Don't Get Too Comfortable... Why Not Indulge Him? Bickering Versus A Good Old Barney.... Pre-Wedding Jitters? Join the Crowd... Do They Really Mean It? Never Underestimate The Power Of Affection And Touch ... The Facts About Flirtatious Behaviour... He Has A Nose Like Groucho Marx What Do We Lose When We Gain A New Lover? When your partner reflects on you... How to Get Things Started When You Meet Someone New Advice for struggling couples:... A Guide to Having A Happy Engagement ... Use the days between Xmas and New Year to recharge your relationship How to Get Back into the Dating Game Whose Chat-up Line Is It Anyway? 10 Steps to Overcome the Green Eyed Monster How Love Unrequited Links so Many of Our Hearts How to Breakup Amicably... Beware of the Love Pirates...Here is a warning about the lads who will capture your heart Love is in the air - seven signs that say he's attracted to you! The Best Dating Tips Ever... Whirlwind Weddings – Too Much, Too Soon! Adultery and betrayal, here are some things you might want to consider Does Your Relationship Need Resuscitation? Welcome to the crowd... Has Your Man Disappeared into His Communication ‘Cave’? Kissing tips that work! When the Internet Comes between You Bridge That Glaring Age Gap The Ultimate Couple's Communication Guide QUIZ: What's Your Love Profile? Try these love challenges (1) Understanding Men A Few Points About Some Male Personality Types - Try these love challenges (2) Become An Action Woman To Find Love Try these love challenges (3) Single Women - Personal Growth Try these love challenges (4) "Couple time" at the weekend is crucial! When You and Mr Right Want Different Things Relationship damage-limitation: quick fix communication tips - The three tell tale signs you aren't quite over your ex Some points about men who might give you "mad cow disease" A Few Thoughts on Successful Relationships Five Top Tips for Long Distance Relationships Notes on when to talk about BABIES - The Stages of Relationships A few top communication tips! Dating after a break-up Keeping positive when you want to start dating again! Finding love and fun on holiday! When you "down date" Dating "firsts" Beware - the problems with Internet dating! First dates - some dos and don'ts! More thoughts on first dates! Some top dating tips! Couples - put your relationship through an MOT! Top speed dating tips! The key to looking interested not desperate when dating! My Thoughts on Pre-Marital Counselling Do You Recognise Yourself in These Romantic Profiles? Making Compromises or Being under Someone's Thumb? Some Thoughts on Adolescent Relationship Worries A Few Thoughts on Broken Hearts When He Pays Too Much Attention to TV, Computer Games or gadgets! Are You Staying with Him or Her Because of Your Lifestyle? Some Questions And Things Men Wonder/Worry About From platonic relationship, to one night stand, to affair An Affair Doesn't Necessarily Spell The End Nine Things You Should Never Say To Your New Love! Get Some Va Va Va-voom for Valentines! What Happened To The Innocence Of Valentine's? QUIZ: What Every Woman Who Wants To Marry Should Know! Christmas-proof Your Relationship For The Fraught Holiday Season! Why Mismatched Couples Should Beware! You Can Get Out Of An Abusive Or Violent Relationship! Just How Manly A Man Do You Want? Understanding The McCartney's War Of Words When They Divorced Toy Boys - The Latest Celebrity Girls’ Fashion Accessory What's the real meaning behind his Valentine's gift to you? Guys - some top tips for buying her a fabulous present! Stop Worrying About Your Wedding! Beat those wedding-day nerves! Dating tips for MEN - The Secrets Of Her Body Language Dating tips for MEN - Your First Date, First Phone Call and First Kiss Dating tips for MEN - Surefire Ways and Where to Meet Women Dating tips for MEN - Don't Be a Romantic Loser Dating tips for WOMEN - Capturing His Attention Dating tips for WOMEN - What to Do When Things Go Wrong Dating tips for WOMEN - The Wise Woman's Guide to The Art of Flirting Dating tips for WOMEN - Love at First Sight Thoughts on Why Infidelity Is on the Rise Four Fabulous Steps To Improve Your Relationship! MEN: You behaved badly - what to do! Suspect He's Cheating? Seven Secrets of Successful Long-Distance Relationships Find Love For Valentine's Day! QUIZ: Is It Love or Is It Lust? How To Decipher Male- Versus Female-Speak QUIZ: Are You A Man's Woman Or A Woman's Woman? How Marriage Changes Through The Decades Relationship Guaranteed: 10 Little Tricks To Stay Together Marriage SOS – Seven steps to save your relationship! QUIZ: Are You Marrying For The Right Reasons? The Great Matchmaker Guide Prevent A Mid-Life Crisis In Your Marriage The Millisecond Marriages – Too Much, Too Soon! Money, Men And You Why Do You Have Repeated Relationship Failures? Are You Too Needy In Relationships? The Unique And Quirky Guide To Finding Love In The New Year! The Nine Signs of a Non-committer Eight Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner Has Your Relationship Suffered Over Summer? The Ten-Minute Window in Relationships Prevent an Affair! The Secrets of Seduction A Warning Call To The Lonely And Single Generation! QUIZ: How Likely Are You To Have An Affair? QUIZ: How Insecure Is Your Love? Could He Be A Natural-Born Cheat? QUIZ: How Well Do You Know Your Man? Seven Secrets of Successful Long-Distance Relationships The New Dating Dilemmas - And How To Cope With Them The Deal Breakers That Threaten Your Relationship QUIZ: Don't Ditch Your Relationship Too Soon! Warning - Divorce Is Dangerous To Your Health! The Fabulous Flirt Guide QUIZ: Great EX-pectations - Is Your Ex Jeopardising Your Relationship? QUIZ: Harness Those Wedding Day Doubts And Nerves QUIZ: Are You Still Haunted By The Ghost Of Your Ex? Beware - Your Broken Heart Should Come With A Health Warning! Heal Your Xmas Holiday Break-up! A QUICKIE FOR YOU: My top five tips for a long relationship Some crucial tips to avoid money related arguments! Top Relationship Tips For Preventing Christmas Stress Couples: Be careful what you bicker about QUIZ: Are You Bored To Tears With Your Relationship? Separated But Still Under The Same Roof! Six Signs Your First Date Could Signal Love! The Seven Deadly Signs Your Relationship Is In Trouble Seven Ways to His Heart You Probably Haven't Thought Of! QUIZ: The Great Guide To Having A Second Go! Find Love In A Few Weeks!