It Seemed So Right, Now It’s So Wrong....
It Seemed So Right, Now It’s So Wrong...
If there’s one theme I regularly hear from those who’ve been unfaithful to their partners it’s that at the time their fling seemed so right, but with 20-20 hindsight vision it ended up feeling so wrong.
It's staggering how powerful illicit passion can be, convincing a person their behaviour’s acceptable. A guilty conscience usually must justify what it’s doing as a salve. It's a type of defence mechanism to deny your actions could be bad. Owning up to that harsh reality could take the zing out of the fling and that’d defeat the underhand purpose.
For example, if you keep telling yourself that you've been taken for granted, or your partner doesn't love you any more, you begin to believe your own PR.
Emily, 29, did just that when having a fling behind her partner Jasper's back. As she repeated her mantra to her closest confidants - Jasper only cared about his work and not her - she came to believe she’d every right to that affair. Emily defended this position for six months.
When I met her it was beginning to wear thin as a turning point had come when Jasper raised how sad it made him that they’d "grown apart". Crikey - did she feel guilty! Not only had the affair’s passion burnt itself out, but Jasper was showing himself to be a really good guy who acknowledged his mistakes.
Emily had been working on communication strategies for her job but having let spill on her private life, she hoped to try and develop effective communication with Jasper. But first she had to face the music and hope he'd forgive her. The latest news was that he had.
If only people could predict how they'd eventually feel (laden with guilt they can’t conveniently air-brush away) it may just prevent some affairs. But many are prepared to leap at what feels right not realising how wrong it’ll be.
A similar article was published in The Times