QUIZ: How Well Do You Know Your Man?

How Well Do You Know Your Man?

Do you mistakenly believe you know your man well? Take my quick quiz to find out how well you do – or don't!

I'm frequently privy to the reasons why relationships fall apart, or at least witness them as they go through bumpy patches. A common complaint I hear is, "I thought I knew him," or "he's not the man I thought he was!"

Why do so many women come unstuck with this issue - thinking a man's one thing and then being surprised he isn't? What happens is we transfer our own emotions and beliefs onto our significant other. In believing that we know ourselves, we think we know them. This includes our likes and dislikes, and importantly, our relationship expectations, etc. We heap these things on to him when he may be thinking very differently. Such "transference" prevents us seeing the reality of who our partner really is.

We're all guilty of this to varying degrees and of course men do it too. However I think we women are more prone to this. You might think you know your partner but do you really? Answer the following questions honestly to find out.

1/ You show him two dresses, ask which he prefers, he says both are "fine", it means -

A/ He likes them both

B/ He wants you to choose

C/ He'll never give you an honest answer

2/ He's having difficulties at work, do you -

A/ Allow him thinking space and let him know you're willing to listen

B/ Make some attempts to get him to open up

C/ Feel rejected if he doesn't share much with you

3/ He's always quiet around your best friend, do you -

A/ Think he's happy to let you two get on with it

B/ Worry he's a bit bored

C/ Assume he doesn't like her

4/ Knowing he doesn't like chick-flicks, do you -

A/ Go to chick-flicks with girlfriends

B/ Try to get compromise - suggest he see your choice and you'll see his next time

C/ Insist he comes with you because you know he'll enjoy it

5/ He loves Saturday football (or any sport), do you -

A/ Follow your own interests

B/ Silently wish he'd give it up

C/ Argue with him saying he cares more for football

6/ When he describes his favourite sexual fantasy, do you -

A/ Appreciate his honesty and describe yours

B/ Think he might want you to try it

C/ Assume he doesn't fancy you

7/ Do you get frustrated when you two argue?

A/ No, because there are two sides to everything

B/ Sometimes when he doesn't "get" what I'm saying

C/ Yes, because he never understands my side

8/ When ill he goes silent, keeping himself-to-himself, do you -

A/ Accept he likes his peace and quiet

B/ Wonder if there's anything you can do

C/ Think he's a "moody so-and-so"

9/ He acts differently around his mum than your mum, do you -

A/ Realise he's more comfortable around his mum

B/ Hope one day he'll get on equally with yours

C/ Assume he doesn't like your mum

10/ He does the shopping and buys items you wouldn't, do you -

A/ Thank him but give him a detailed list next time

B/ Suggest you shop together next time

C/ Think him thoughtless for not buying what you would buy

Mostly As – High Level Of Understanding

You're not psychic but you understand and respect his differences. You don't jump to conclusions about what he may be thinking. Your relationships will be happier because you want to see his side of things.

Mostly Bs - Medium Level Of Understanding

You may not get it right all the time but you don't always transfer the way you feel on to him. You may lack confidence that you can ever really understand him. Build your confidence to communicate better with him with a few communication tips:

  1. Use "I" statements. That is, begin statements with "I think," or "I like to…" or "I find that." Men respond to the clarity of "i" statements, preferring that to beating around the bush.
  2. When asking a question ask what he "thinks" rather than what he "feels". Men do more "thinking" than "feeling" in discussions and find this a logical way to communicate.
  3. Clearly "feed back" to him what you think he said. For example, say, "I understand that you'd rather X than Y…" feeding back what you think he meant.

Use the relevant advice below.

Mostly Cs – Low Level Of Understanding

Men's minds are mysterious to you. You probably transfer your thinking on to him. Or you make assumptions not based on fact. This is particularly destructive if you've low self-esteem. You'll transfer damaging feelings to him. For example, you'll assume the worst - he doesn't like your friend, your mum, your choice of clothes, etc. Use the tips above plus:

  • Never assume, but ask if in doubt.
  • If you still don't understand his side of things, try asking in a different way.
  • Listen carefully without jumping in thinking you "know" what's coming next.
  • Stop yourself when thinking, "I know what's on his mind." You may not have a clue!
  • Be clear about what you want/expect - even with practical things like the shopping.
  • Do seek compromises.
  • Understand "male silences". The "silent treatment" when angry is bad for relationships, but the fact many men figure things out on their own (like work problems) is not.

Finally, the golden rule is your partner is not you. He may want and expect different things but that's not the end of your relationship. Enjoy the unique things about him. Viva le difference!

 

Published in The Express Newspaper

 


Did you find this article interesting?

Enter your details below to join the monthly mailing list.

Archive


Getting Together Again? Affair-Proof Your Relationship The Ultimate Christmas Relationship Survival Guide... Understanding and Overcoming Your Pre-Wedding Jitters and On-the-day Nerves... Getting Together Again... Excuses at the Ready ... How to Re-light Your Fire - And Make the Second Time around a Success! Two People, But One-sided... Some thoughts on people with love Plan-Bs Passion Fatigue... How to Walk Away from an Unhappy Relationship... Subconscious Sabotage... Whatever Makes You Happy... Money does matter... Body Image Nightmare... Understanding and Overcoming Your Pre-Wedding Jitters and On-the-day Nerves – Age-gap anxiety... Friends Connected at the Hip & Dating... Marriage SOS... Dating Again after a Breakup... Laughed straight between the sheets.... Too Good to be True... Beware the Mention of the Exes... Murder on the Dance Floor.... Lusting after Another Love... The Rise of the Plan B Pact... How Romance Can Be like Extracting Teeth... Credit Crunch Couples... Christmas time advice for struggling couples... Third-Party Interference... Opposites That Don't Attract... The Female Self-Destruct Button The Convenience of Compartments... Unlikely Apologies... Masculine Confidences The Chill Look of Contempt... He/She Isn't the Person That I Settled Down With.... Dating at a Distance... The Imperfect Perfectionists... Why He Doesn't Ring When He Says He Will... The Curse Of The Competitive Couples... It Seemed So Right, Now It’s So Wrong.... I married my mother... Never Under-estimate a GSOH... Don't Get Too Comfortable... Why Not Indulge Him? Bickering Versus A Good Old Barney.... Pre-Wedding Jitters? Join the Crowd... Do They Really Mean It? Never Underestimate The Power Of Affection And Touch ... The Facts About Flirtatious Behaviour... He Has A Nose Like Groucho Marx What Do We Lose When We Gain A New Lover? When your partner reflects on you... How to Get Things Started When You Meet Someone New Advice for struggling couples:... A Guide to Having A Happy Engagement ... Use the days between Xmas and New Year to recharge your relationship How to Get Back into the Dating Game Whose Chat-up Line Is It Anyway? 10 Steps to Overcome the Green Eyed Monster How Love Unrequited Links so Many of Our Hearts How to Breakup Amicably... Beware of the Love Pirates...Here is a warning about the lads who will capture your heart Love is in the air - seven signs that say he's attracted to you! The Best Dating Tips Ever... Whirlwind Weddings – Too Much, Too Soon! Adultery and betrayal, here are some things you might want to consider Does Your Relationship Need Resuscitation? Welcome to the crowd... Has Your Man Disappeared into His Communication ‘Cave’? Kissing tips that work! When the Internet Comes between You Bridge That Glaring Age Gap The Ultimate Couple's Communication Guide QUIZ: What's Your Love Profile? Try these love challenges (1) Understanding Men A Few Points About Some Male Personality Types - Try these love challenges (2) Become An Action Woman To Find Love Try these love challenges (3) Single Women - Personal Growth Try these love challenges (4) "Couple time" at the weekend is crucial! When You and Mr Right Want Different Things Relationship damage-limitation: quick fix communication tips - The three tell tale signs you aren't quite over your ex Some points about men who might give you "mad cow disease" A Few Thoughts on Successful Relationships Five Top Tips for Long Distance Relationships Notes on when to talk about BABIES - The Stages of Relationships A few top communication tips! Dating after a break-up Keeping positive when you want to start dating again! Finding love and fun on holiday! When you "down date" Dating "firsts" Beware - the problems with Internet dating! First dates - some dos and don'ts! More thoughts on first dates! Some top dating tips! Couples - put your relationship through an MOT! Top speed dating tips! The key to looking interested not desperate when dating! My Thoughts on Pre-Marital Counselling Do You Recognise Yourself in These Romantic Profiles? Making Compromises or Being under Someone's Thumb? Some Thoughts on Adolescent Relationship Worries A Few Thoughts on Broken Hearts When He Pays Too Much Attention to TV, Computer Games or gadgets! Are You Staying with Him or Her Because of Your Lifestyle? Some Questions And Things Men Wonder/Worry About From platonic relationship, to one night stand, to affair An Affair Doesn't Necessarily Spell The End Nine Things You Should Never Say To Your New Love! Get Some Va Va Va-voom for Valentines! What Happened To The Innocence Of Valentine's? QUIZ: What Every Woman Who Wants To Marry Should Know! Christmas-proof Your Relationship For The Fraught Holiday Season! Why Mismatched Couples Should Beware! You Can Get Out Of An Abusive Or Violent Relationship! Just How Manly A Man Do You Want? Understanding The McCartney's War Of Words When They Divorced Toy Boys - The Latest Celebrity Girls’ Fashion Accessory What's the real meaning behind his Valentine's gift to you? Guys - some top tips for buying her a fabulous present! Stop Worrying About Your Wedding! Beat those wedding-day nerves! Dating tips for MEN - The Secrets Of Her Body Language Dating tips for MEN - Your First Date, First Phone Call and First Kiss Dating tips for MEN - Surefire Ways and Where to Meet Women Dating tips for MEN - Don't Be a Romantic Loser Dating tips for WOMEN - Capturing His Attention Dating tips for WOMEN - What to Do When Things Go Wrong Dating tips for WOMEN - The Wise Woman's Guide to The Art of Flirting Dating tips for WOMEN - Love at First Sight Thoughts on Why Infidelity Is on the Rise Four Fabulous Steps To Improve Your Relationship! MEN: You behaved badly - what to do! Suspect He's Cheating? Seven Secrets of Successful Long-Distance Relationships Find Love For Valentine's Day! QUIZ: Is It Love or Is It Lust? How To Decipher Male- Versus Female-Speak QUIZ: Are You A Man's Woman Or A Woman's Woman? How Marriage Changes Through The Decades Relationship Guaranteed: 10 Little Tricks To Stay Together Marriage SOS – Seven steps to save your relationship! QUIZ: Are You Marrying For The Right Reasons? The Great Matchmaker Guide Prevent A Mid-Life Crisis In Your Marriage The Millisecond Marriages – Too Much, Too Soon! Money, Men And You Why Do You Have Repeated Relationship Failures? Are You Too Needy In Relationships? The Unique And Quirky Guide To Finding Love In The New Year! The Nine Signs of a Non-committer Eight Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner Has Your Relationship Suffered Over Summer? The Ten-Minute Window in Relationships Prevent an Affair! The Secrets of Seduction A Warning Call To The Lonely And Single Generation! QUIZ: How Likely Are You To Have An Affair? QUIZ: How Insecure Is Your Love? Could He Be A Natural-Born Cheat? QUIZ: How Well Do You Know Your Man? Seven Secrets of Successful Long-Distance Relationships The New Dating Dilemmas - And How To Cope With Them The Deal Breakers That Threaten Your Relationship QUIZ: Don't Ditch Your Relationship Too Soon! Warning - Divorce Is Dangerous To Your Health! The Fabulous Flirt Guide QUIZ: Great EX-pectations - Is Your Ex Jeopardising Your Relationship? QUIZ: Harness Those Wedding Day Doubts And Nerves QUIZ: Are You Still Haunted By The Ghost Of Your Ex? Beware - Your Broken Heart Should Come With A Health Warning! Heal Your Xmas Holiday Break-up! A QUICKIE FOR YOU: My top five tips for a long relationship Some crucial tips to avoid money related arguments! Top Relationship Tips For Preventing Christmas Stress Couples: Be careful what you bicker about QUIZ: Are You Bored To Tears With Your Relationship? Separated But Still Under The Same Roof! Six Signs Your First Date Could Signal Love! The Seven Deadly Signs Your Relationship Is In Trouble Seven Ways to His Heart You Probably Haven't Thought Of! QUIZ: The Great Guide To Having A Second Go! Find Love In A Few Weeks!