The New Dating Dilemmas - And How To Cope With Them

The New Dating Dilemmas - And How To Cope With Them

 

Let me help you negotiate the modern minefield of dating!

 

You’re finally face-to-face with the man you've been e-mailing from that Internet dating site. And you long to protest he should be charged with an offence against the Trades Description Act as he's nothing like his photo that must’ve been 10 years out of date!

 

I’d place money that something like this will happen on an Internet date. Because I've got news for you if you’re single - there are new rules to operate by.

 

Why have things changed so much? Not only has society’s views changed in important ways to things like money and sex, but this is complicated by many new ways to date. Getting out looking for love is half the battle. The other half is negotiating this modern minefield.

 

Here are 10 top tips for doing this:

 

New-Style Dating Tip Number 1:

Money matters have changed practically more than any other area with dating. Many women now earn more than the men they meet. That's great but don't rub his nose in it. The reason is that although economically we've been playing catch-up, emotionally men still feel they should be the higher earners. Think "tact" when you discuss your earning power.

 

New-Style Dating Tip Number 2:

This leads me to who pays? Men get confused because some women still expect a man to offer. And some expect him to offer even if they intend to share the costs of a date. The best approach is clarity. Rather than you both looking embarrassed when the bill arrives, people tell me they’re happiest when a date makes their “monetary” expectations clear from the outset. Keep it simple, say something on entering the restaurant like, "It’d be nice to share the bill." If he offers to pay it’s up to you whether you accept or not.

 

New-Style Dating Tip Number 3:

What does "a coffee" mean? People were once quite coy about what they meant by going back to “yours/mine for coffee", with many crossed wires. There's absolutely no reason for this now. If you’re ready to get "up, close and personal" then suggest having a coffee. But if that's all you mean say so. Say simply, "I'd love to continue the evening back at mine but when I say "coffee" that's what I mean." That brings me to condoms. If you think you might want sex carry them. It doesn't make you a loose woman. But you should have the confidence to only have sex on your terms and when you're ready!

 

New-Style Dating Tip Number 4:

A big no-no is the old-fashioned way that people would give "false hope" to someone they never intended to see again. It’s no longer acceptable to say things like, "I'll give you a ring soon," when you don't mean it and you’re trying to "spare" their feelings. This game playing muddies the water and neither men nor women like being treated this way. Far better to use tactful clarity. This is not to be confused with creating a little mystery - which is still acceptable!

 

New-Style Dating Tip Number 5:

The whirlwind of speed dating requires a whole new etiquette. The very premise is to make instant decisions however I’ve heard of rude behaviour where a speed-dater doesn't like the look of someone and passes them by, not giving them their allocated three minutes. Don't tolerate such bad behaviour and don’t do it yourself. You might miss a good man by doing this. If someone passes up a turn with you, consider it good riddance as he's got desperately bad manners.

 

New-Style Dating Tip Number 6:

With any Internet dating the general rule is to retain a healthy scepticism. Many studies of Internet personal ads reveal that people lie with alarming regularity about themselves. Far more than they would’ve when vetted by old-fashioned dating agencies.

 

New-Style Dating Tip Number 7:

It used to be commonplace for friends to go by the wayside - at least temporarily - when you started dating someone new. Not any longer! Friends don’t expect to be relegated the minute he rings you. Keeping that balance with your friends, and falling for someone new, is a must-do.

 

New-Style Dating Tip Number 8:

With the Trisha Show-style confessional society we live in, it's easy to think you should spill all the intimate details of your life on the first couple dates. Nothing could be further from the truth! Recent research suggests that both sexes still like a little mystery about someone new. So disclose one bit at a time about your bad habits and life’s traumas.

 

New-Style Dating Tip Number 9:

Another thorny issue is who leads the ringing, texting and e-mailing. Research shows that most men are happy if the woman rings them. However as they still like a bit of a "chase" (no pleasing men, huh?) find balance. Alternate who initiates communication - if he's rung one day then you ring him the next.

 

New-Style Dating Tip Number 10:

Although sex seems to be everywhere the majority of men surveyed say they’d like to finish a first date with a kiss only. This is an excellent way to build anticipation. It also sets you above the men and women who dive into bed on the first date as has long been acceptable.

 

Published in The Express Newspaper

 


Did you find this article interesting?

Enter your details below to join the monthly mailing list.

Archive


Does your partner really know you? Check this out! How to get over that first awkward relationship bump... Going through a break up? Tips for an online clean up... Getting Together Again? Affair-Proof Your Relationship The Ultimate Christmas Relationship Survival Guide... Understanding and Overcoming Your Pre-Wedding Jitters and On-the-day Nerves... Getting Together Again... Excuses at the Ready ... How to Re-light Your Fire - And Make the Second Time around a Success! Two People, But One-sided... Some thoughts on people with love Plan-Bs Passion Fatigue... How to Walk Away from an Unhappy Relationship... Subconscious Sabotage... Whatever Makes You Happy... Money does matter... Body Image Nightmare... Understanding and Overcoming Your Pre-Wedding Jitters and On-the-day Nerves – Age-gap anxiety... Friends Connected at the Hip & Dating... Marriage SOS... Dating Again after a Breakup... Laughed straight between the sheets.... Too Good to be True... Beware the Mention of the Exes... Murder on the Dance Floor.... Lusting after Another Love... The Rise of the Plan B Pact... How Romance Can Be like Extracting Teeth... Credit Crunch Couples... Christmas time advice for struggling couples... Third-Party Interference... Opposites That Don't Attract... The Female Self-Destruct Button The Convenience of Compartments... Unlikely Apologies... Masculine Confidences The Chill Look of Contempt... He/She Isn't the Person That I Settled Down With.... Dating at a Distance... The Imperfect Perfectionists... Why He Doesn't Ring When He Says He Will... The Curse Of The Competitive Couples... It Seemed So Right, Now It’s So Wrong.... I married my mother... Never Under-estimate a GSOH... Don't Get Too Comfortable... Why Not Indulge Him? Bickering Versus A Good Old Barney.... Pre-Wedding Jitters? Join the Crowd... Do They Really Mean It? Never Underestimate The Power Of Affection And Touch ... The Facts About Flirtatious Behaviour... He Has A Nose Like Groucho Marx What Do We Lose When We Gain A New Lover? When your partner reflects on you... How to Get Things Started When You Meet Someone New Advice for struggling couples:... A Guide to Having A Happy Engagement ... Use the days between Xmas and New Year to recharge your relationship How to Get Back into the Dating Game Whose Chat-up Line Is It Anyway? 10 Steps to Overcome the Green Eyed Monster How Love Unrequited Links so Many of Our Hearts How to Breakup Amicably... Beware of the Love Pirates...Here is a warning about the lads who will capture your heart Love is in the air - seven signs that say he's attracted to you! The Best Dating Tips Ever... Whirlwind Weddings – Too Much, Too Soon! Adultery and betrayal, here are some things you might want to consider Does Your Relationship Need Resuscitation? Welcome to the crowd... Has Your Man Disappeared into His Communication ‘Cave’? When the Internet Comes between You Kissing tips that work! Bridge That Glaring Age Gap Try these love challenges (3) The Ultimate Couple's Communication Guide QUIZ: What's Your Love Profile? Try these love challenges (1) Understanding Men A Few Points About Some Male Personality Types - Try these love challenges (2) Become An Action Woman To Find Love Single Women - Personal Growth Try these love challenges (4) "Couple time" at the weekend is crucial! When you "down date" The key to looking interested not desperate when dating! Top speed dating tips! Couples - put your relationship through an MOT! Some top dating tips! More thoughts on first dates! First dates - some dos and don'ts! Beware - the problems with Internet dating! Dating "firsts" Finding love and fun on holiday! When You and Mr Right Want Different Things Relationship damage-limitation: quick fix communication tips - The three tell tale signs you aren't quite over your ex Some points about men who might give you "mad cow disease" A Few Thoughts on Successful Relationships Five Top Tips for Long Distance Relationships The Stages of Relationships A few top communication tips! Dating after a break-up Keeping positive when you want to start dating again! Notes on when to talk about BABIES - When He Pays Too Much Attention to TV, Computer Games or gadgets! Making Compromises or Being under Someone's Thumb? Some Thoughts on Adolescent Relationship Worries A Few Thoughts on Broken Hearts Are You Staying with Him or Her Because of Your Lifestyle? Some Questions And Things Men Wonder/Worry About From platonic relationship, to one night stand, to affair Do You Recognise Yourself in These Romantic Profiles? My Thoughts on Pre-Marital Counselling Dating tips for MEN - Surefire Ways and Where to Meet Women Dating tips for WOMEN - Love at First Sight Dating tips for WOMEN - The Wise Woman's Guide to The Art of Flirting Dating tips for WOMEN - What to Do When Things Go Wrong Dating tips for WOMEN - Capturing His Attention Dating tips for MEN - Don't Be a Romantic Loser Dating tips for MEN - Your First Date, First Phone Call and First Kiss An Affair Doesn't Necessarily Spell The End Nine Things You Should Never Say To Your New Love! Get Some Va Va Va-voom for Valentines! What Happened To The Innocence Of Valentine's? QUIZ: What Every Woman Who Wants To Marry Should Know! Christmas-proof Your Relationship For The Fraught Holiday Season! Why Mismatched Couples Should Beware! You Can Get Out Of An Abusive Or Violent Relationship! Just How Manly A Man Do You Want? Understanding The McCartney's War Of Words When They Divorced Toy Boys - The Latest Celebrity Girls’ Fashion Accessory What's the real meaning behind his Valentine's gift to you? Guys - some top tips for buying her a fabulous present! Stop Worrying About Your Wedding! Beat those wedding-day nerves! Dating tips for MEN - The Secrets Of Her Body Language Are You Too Needy In Relationships? A Warning Call To The Lonely And Single Generation! The Secrets of Seduction Prevent an Affair! The Ten-Minute Window in Relationships Has Your Relationship Suffered Over Summer? Eight Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner The Nine Signs of a Non-committer The Unique And Quirky Guide To Finding Love In The New Year! Why Do You Have Repeated Relationship Failures? Thoughts on Why Infidelity Is on the Rise Four Fabulous Steps To Improve Your Relationship! MEN: You behaved badly - what to do! Suspect He's Cheating? Seven Secrets of Successful Long-Distance Relationships Find Love For Valentine's Day! QUIZ: Is It Love or Is It Lust? How To Decipher Male- Versus Female-Speak QUIZ: Are You A Man's Woman Or A Woman's Woman? How Marriage Changes Through The Decades Relationship Guaranteed: 10 Little Tricks To Stay Together Marriage SOS – Seven steps to save your relationship! QUIZ: Are You Marrying For The Right Reasons? The Great Matchmaker Guide Prevent A Mid-Life Crisis In Your Marriage The Millisecond Marriages – Too Much, Too Soon! Money, Men And You Seven Secrets of Successful Long-Distance Relationships QUIZ: How Well Do You Know Your Man? QUIZ: How Likely Are You To Have An Affair? QUIZ: How Insecure Is Your Love? Could He Be A Natural-Born Cheat? Top Relationship Tips For Preventing Christmas Stress Some crucial tips to avoid money related arguments! The New Dating Dilemmas - And How To Cope With Them The Deal Breakers That Threaten Your Relationship QUIZ: Don't Ditch Your Relationship Too Soon! Warning - Divorce Is Dangerous To Your Health! The Fabulous Flirt Guide QUIZ: Great EX-pectations - Is Your Ex Jeopardising Your Relationship? QUIZ: Harness Those Wedding Day Doubts And Nerves QUIZ: Are You Still Haunted By The Ghost Of Your Ex? Beware - Your Broken Heart Should Come With A Health Warning! Heal Your Xmas Holiday Break-up! A QUICKIE FOR YOU: My top five tips for a long relationship Separated But Still Under The Same Roof! QUIZ: Are You Bored To Tears With Your Relationship? Couples: Be careful what you bicker about QUIZ: The Great Guide To Having A Second Go! Seven Ways to His Heart You Probably Haven't Thought Of! The Seven Deadly Signs Your Relationship Is In Trouble Six Signs Your First Date Could Signal Love! Find Love In A Few Weeks!