Dr Pam Spurr

A Question Of Sensual Massage

A Question Of Sensual Massage 

Although massage can be an important part of a relationship, touch generally is terribly important. This is because loving, physical contact between two people leads to the production of Oxytocin that is the emotional bonding hormone. Touch helps to produce Oxytocin, that helps to strengthen the bond between two people, and leads to more touching, so it produces a wonderful positive cycle. Massage simply "formalises" general touching and caressing and makes it more of an intimate ritual that can be very pleasurable.

Do you think massage and sex are intrinsically linked? Should they be?

Massage and sex are not intrinsically linked however when your partner is tenderly massaging you - as long as its pleasurable to you - it stimulates sensual feelings. Those feelings can either be acted upon and the massage leads to full sex or they can simply be enjoyed.

Massage and sex shouldn't be intrinsically linked as that puts enormous pressure on a couple to always feel they have to take enjoyable and sensual touching to full sex. A couple’s less likely to enjoy a massage if there is an overriding pressure that it has to lead "somewhere".

How can you convince an unwilling partner to give you a full body massage?

Never try to convince an unwilling partner to give you a full body massage! A wise lover encourages a massage-novice to caress one area to begin with. So you might ask them to massage your upper back and neck. Then lavish them with praise as they touch you and you may find they’re willing to carry on with the massage down your back, your arms, abdomen, etc.

How would you break it to them if they were "doing it" wrong?

The best way to encourage a massage/touch that you enjoy is to wait for the moment when a heavy-handed partner actually does something that even begins to feel right. The moment they lighten or change their touch to something that feels good, tell them immediately how wonderful it feels. Ask them to repeat it. By building their confidence that they're doing something right you can encourage more of that type of caressing.

If they then go back to the massage technique that doesn't feel good, rather than criticise them you can say something simple like, "I loved what you were doing, can you please do more of that?" Guide their hands back to that place or describe what they were doing well.

If it's a case of them hurting you or turning you off with their massage there's nothing wrong with you tactfully, but directly, saying that it doesn't feel particularly good and you’d love them to try such-and-such - whatever you'd like them to try!

Quotes published in the Guardian