Dr Pam Spurr

Eight Simple & Essential Steps To Get Sizzling Sex

Simple Steps to Get What You Want in Your Sex Life!

Let me help you take control to put the sizzle back in your bedroom!

Over the last few years I've collected loads of information about people's sex lives so that I can understand more about what people want in the bedroom.

In my book Sizzling Sex I revealed how a whopping 89% of the nearly 500 people I interviewed (both singles and couples) said they never tried any new sex tip, trick or technique once they've been with someone for about 18 months.

So what does that mean? Let's say you're together for five, 10 or 15 years - that's a very long time to always do exactly the same thing in bed!

What was fascinating was there were two main reasons why:

1/ people were really concerned that they didn't hurt their partner's feelings if they asked for something new - so we’re a caring lot!

2/ people were too shy to say what they really wanted - so we're a pretty embarrassed lot!

But there’s no need for people to get bored in the bedroom. And because feeling neglected in your sex life is one of the main reasons why people breakup it's important to sort this out!

Here are Eight Simple & Essential Steps you can take to bring new sex-play into your relationship without hurting your partner’s feelings while sparing your blushes.

Step 1: the absolutely biggest rule to getting what you want is to always start by praising something you like that your partner already does. And come on, your partner must do something right?! The more you compliment what they do right the bigger their bedroom-confidence will be for when you start introducing new tips.

Step 2: sticking with what they do right, use this as a springboard to get them to add a sexy twist or improve their technique. Let's say he knows how to caress your breasts with just the right touch but he makes a hash of trying to kiss them and is too rough. You can say, "It's amazing the way you touch my breasts - it's a gentle - imagine using your lips in such a gentle way too!" You can always repeat something like that if he doesn't get the message first time around!

Step 3: definitely let your fingers do part of the “talking” and simply start touching your partner in a way that’s suggestive of trying something new. With many things it's easy to let those fingers do all the “talking” as you guide his hands to new erogenous zones. Or say you two experiment with sex toys and you'd love the benefit, say, of feeling the sensation of a vibrator during penetrative sex. Then without saying anything you can slip the vibrator between your two bodies for extra pleasure during full sex.

Step4: make introducing something new into a bit of fun by suggesting a little sex game. A super easy way is to show them some dice you've got and suggest that you roll them with the numbers representing some new things to try. Suggest he helps decide what the numbers on the dice, from 1 to 6, represent. Have a giggle while you two work this out!

Step 5: you can turn a relaxed cuddle into sex exploration! When you're relaxing together ask him what “secret” sexy things he thinks about trying. This will give you the opportunity to open up to him about your secret desires.

Step 6: a brilliant ploy to getting the sex you want is to use birthdays, anniversaries and other special days as a time to say you've got something special you want to do to your lover. Make it seem like you’re giving them their own special pleasure for the big event but choose something you want to do too.

Step 7:  always make sure when chatting about trying something new that you never use a tone of voice suggesting you’re completely bored with the "same old thing". Be positive, confident and flirty and you can't go wrong.

Step 8: it's never helpful to accuse your partner of not wanting to try something new even if it's true! Such accusations, whether true or not, are real confidence squashers and will definitely put the stoppers on them wanting to try something different with you.