Dr Pam Spurr

Help for his premature ejaculation...

Slow It Down for Some Serious Pleasure

Being ‘quick off the draw’ is one of the worst bedroom-based fears for men. No man wants to leave a woman feeling disappointed. And they certainly don’t want to be branded a useless - or worse - selfish lover.

But you’re in good company if you’ve had premature ejaculation (PE) with 30% of men experiencing it in the last year and 10% regularly coming to a speedy end.

Many women will excuse PE when first together thinking, “He’s so excited to be with me!” But after a time they worry it’s going to be a regular thing and because men won’t talk about their PE, both partners worry on the quiet.

Fear not, he can take control and slow down but first what's considered quick off the starting block?

Before the guys develop permanent worry-lines over this, let’s remember on average penetrative sex lasts between 2 to 5 minutes. And sexology boffins agree it isn't helpful putting a time on what's ‘PE’ versus what's ‘normal’.

So generally speaking if he lasts under a few minutes during full-penetration it’s probably not long enough for her. What’s crucial is getting to where you’re both satisfied with your sex life.

Start with “the chat”:

*Be honest in a loving/caring way. Begin with something positive - tell him the things he does in bed that feel really good. This makes discussing his PE easier.

*If he mentions his PE, he can let her know he's concerned about pleasing her and lasting longer. If she's raising it, she should reassure him they'll be able to "take things slower" together.

*Stay away from criticisms! The fastest way to ensure he stays too quick is making him feel insecure and unmanly.

Tips to change his sprint into a stroll:

*Before he’s with her he can self-pleasure - this means ‘second-time-around’ with her is almost guaranteed to be slower.

*He can focus on her by giving her lots of fabulous foreplay. Keeping his mind on her pleasure means he thinks less about his sensations during foreplay.

*It’s in the detail girls – she should give him super-sexy instructions on how to give her mind-blowing foreplay.

* Guide his hand across your pleasure-zones asking him to linger and caress where it feels best. Stroke his hair, back, chest, etc., but don't stimulate his penis or testicles.

*Get practical, too, with simple changes - have sex in a position that’s less easy for him to climax in. See The Embrace position below.

*Whatever the position, as his excitement mounts, he should withdraw and both of you should move into a different position - a fantastic way to be experimental and slow him down. Don’t turn this into a surprise comedy-sex moment where suddenly he withdraws. Whisper that you’re going to do this.

*If you’re using condoms he should double up - using two takes the edge off his sensitivity.

Mega-climax control -

The following sex-ercises give him crucial control and staying power as well as stronger climaxes – bonus. These also give women powerful climaxes - double bonus - so girls do them too!

*To gain real control of PE he must increase his PC muscle strength. The pubococcygeal muscles [PC muscles] are the ones you work out in pelvic floor exercises.

*To strengthen his PC muscles (think the muscles you’d squeeze to stop yourself spending a penny) he pulsates them for 2 to 3 seconds for 10 repetitions. Build to 20 reps, twice daily - easily done watching telly, on the bus, or a desk.

*Once his PC muscles are stronger during masturbation he can do test runs - he slows down and squeezes them just before he reaches his ‘point of no return’. As he squeezes and holds these muscles he'll find it slows him reaching climax.

*Soon he'll be ready to squeeze them and control them during penetration with her.

*This squeezing action feels red-hot to her during sex. As your muscles get stronger both men and women can pulsate theirs for exciting sensations.

*While gaining control he should also aim to bring her to climax before full sex - using his mouth, his hands, and/or a vibrator.

*Always talk to your doc if you’ve any physical or health concerns. It's unlikely to be a medical problem but put your mind to rest.

Dr Pam’s Position: The Embrace

Lie on your sides facing each other - cuddle up while she raises her upper-leg to wrap around his hip. Then snuggle in tight for slow and sensual thrusting. This naturally slows him down.

For extra pleasure: He can reach around and run his fingertips around her bottom in sexy circular motions. He can also gently kiss and flutter his tongue along her neck line - pure heaven.

An edited verson of this appeared in the Sun online