Dr Pam Spurr

What Do Those Red Hot Sex Dreams Really Mean?

Here I explain the meaning of your X-rated dream-life!  My book, Sex Dreams and Symbols - Interpreting Your Subconscious Desires, is available on my home page or Amazon.

I'm sure you've found some of your nightlife between-the-sheets is surprisingly hot - and I'm not talking about having sex with your partner. I'm talking about the sex dreams that all of us have from time-to-time. The content can be startling and sometimes completely unbelievable. Like taking to bed that colleague from work that in real life you think’s a complete bore.

Like our ordinary dreams, our sex dreams sometimes reveal surprising things in their symbolism. The symbolism can show where your real feelings lie about someone - like your ex - and they can also have meanings completely unrelated to your sex life and sexual desires.

Your Sleeping Mind

When awake, for all sorts of reasons, our unconscious minds keep "secrets" from us. Surprising desires, painful memories, and longings and wishes - that may or may not relate to our sex life - are kept under lock-and-key. But when you fall asleep - and reach the dream stage of sleep - the deeper recesses of your mind are completely free of your daytime inhibitions.

It's like a secret garden where suddenly the gates are unlocked and thrown open, revealing all such pent-up feelings, thoughts and attitudes. This is why our sex dreams can seem to come from nowhere when actually they come from deep in your unconscious mind.

The Most Common Sex Dream Themes

Here are three of the most common sex dream themes and what they often mean. Remember that your dream’s unique to you and so use this as a guide. When trying to analyse the real meaning of a surprising sex dream always keep open-minded and ask yourself the following questions:

1/ Is this really a dream about sex and sexual desires or does it symbolise something else - like a power struggle in a relationship, a lack of confidence, or feeling full of confidence, an unresolved conflict, etc.

2/ What’s the over-riding emotion of the dream? Is it one of pleasure, sexual confidence, a new sense of freedom, fear or anxiety, etc.

3/ Are there any identifying details in your dream that give you clues as to who or what situation it's really about?

HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU DON’T FANCY

It's always surprising when you have a sex dream about someone you don't fancy in waking life. Rest assured it doesn't mean you've taken a liking to a bullying colleague, your creepy boss, or whoever else it was you dreamt of.

Very often these dreams represent a power struggle with the person in your dream. Having sex with them is a symbolic way of "burying the hatchet with them". Your dream’s telling you that you'd rather get on with them.

They can also symbolise that you lack confidence compared to this person. Such sex dreams will be accompanied by dream images where that person’s completely in charge of the sex.

Such a dream – accompanied by pleasurable feelings - can symbolise your inner feeling that you admire this person in some way. You may not fancy them in real life but you might think they've got fantastic skills or are really great at their job. This is expressed through sexual images.

Of course if you have a dream about rampant sex with a hot colleague that you do fancy in waking life, it's simply a wish fulfilment sex dream.

HAVING GROUP SEX

Having a dream about group sex doesn't mean you're dying to become a swinger! However such sex dreams do tend to symbolise one of two things: if accompanied by a feeling of pleasure then your dream’s signalling to you that deep-down you feel your sex life’s stagnated and you’re going through a phase where you'd like to be more experimental.

Or if accompanied by an anxious feeling they can symbolise that you feel pressured in your sex life by your partner to do things you don't want to do. That feeling of pressure’s expressed by such a dream where you feel unable to resist the group sex.

HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EX

Having sex with an ex-partner in your dreams is very common. But of course it can be troubling if you're in a new relationship and you have a raunchy dream about your ex.

If, in such a dream, you're discovered by your present partner, having sex with your ex, this is likely to symbolise you do harbour fond feelings for your ex. Your sleeping mind has you discovered by your present partner as a "warning" that you need to deal with such feelings.

If you're having sex with your ex, but you're not discovered by your present partner, such a dream’s likely to symbolise a sense that you’re looking for or want comfort. Dreaming of someone who was once in your life can show that you long to have a familiar, comfortable feeling in your present life.

When you really need to start worrying is if you have recurring sex dreams about your ex. This is your subconscious mind trying to tell you that you haven't healed from this relationship and need to sort it out. Or that you have strong longings for your ex - and again you need to sort it out if there's something stopping you two from getting back together (like he's in a new relationship).