Dr Pam Spurr

Some interview questions about sex answered...

Here are some questions I was recently asked when discussing my new book Steamy Sex - see it on the 'books section' on my homepage...

Q: How often do women have sex?

Research shows that women in relationships have sex on average about once a week. But this varies with two critical points: how long a couple's been together, plus how old they are. Although there is a trend for more people over 35 to have more sex, the under 35s still have the market cornered and are more likely to have sex twice a week.

Let's face it, when you look at relationship longevity, a number of research studies show that after the first year, when the golden honeymoon window has closed, sexual frequency diminishes quite dramatically from two or three times weekly to once weekly unless you're over 35 and then it's more likely to occur once a fortnight dropping to once a month for couples who've been together a number of years.

Familiarity doesn't necessarily breed contempt however it definitely puts the stoppers on desire. For some couples this is absolutely fine and other areas of their life - children, career, etc. - become more important than a passionate tumble between the sheets.

Other couples find this a difficult hurdle to negotiate where one partner has higher levels of desire. It's crucial they don't sweep this under the carpet and instead look to compromise. And also to carefully explore any lifestyle demands that may be negatively affecting the person with lower drive.

The person with the higher drive may tire of being the one that always initiates it, so as a compromise the person with lower drive should occasionally initiate it. In return though, those with a higher drive shouldn't constantly pester their partner.

Definitely carve out time for each other if you're at odds over your sex life. Get romantic again, remind yourself why you were first attracted to each other, enjoy lots of sensual foreplay, and make small changes like when, where and how you have sex.

Always having "Spoons" position on Sunday morning can get routine. Agree you'll try and enjoy time together on a Saturday afternoon or a Friday evening, etc. Go for it in a different room - it doesn't always have to be the bedroom after all. And take a look at the sex guide together playing a bit of a game where you open a random page and have to agree to try something on it.

Give each other permission to say something you've always wanted to try and definitely be honest about your sexual fantasies. No one should feel they have to turn a fantasy into a role-play - that can be daunting. But giving each other the confidence to describe your particular fantasy - in lots of sexy detail - can be incredibly stimulating.

Recent research found that "saga-sex" in the over 50s has increased due to a high number of couples divorcing and separating at this point. Beware, so too have sexually transmitted infections (STIs) increased in this age group.

Q: At what age do young women begin to have sex? And why?

Although we hear shocking stories of young teens falling pregnant and getting high levels of STIs - something that should concern us - on average girls wait to have their first sexual experience until between the ages of 16 1/2 and 17. We might expect the average age for first-time sex to be younger than that, particularly with peer pressure to do so, however many young women still wait to a reasonable age before having a sexual relationship.

Q: How experimental are women in bed? Do you have any figures for how many women have tried different things in bed?

With one high street retailer expecting to sell more than 2 million vibrators this year, women and couples are certainly getting more experimental. Whereas sex toys were once seen as in the realms of the ‘kinky’, now they're seen as an everyday addition to an active sex life. Nothing to be ashamed and every reason to enjoy.