Dr Pam Spurr

QUIZ: How Insecure Is Your Love?

How Insecure Is Your Love?

Here's my quiz to determine your level of insecurity!

When the likes of Victoria Beckham's quoted in OK magazine saying she gets insecure over David, what hope is there for the rest of us? She has the wealth to look her best at all times and to jet around following David's work. She's proof that even someone you expect to feel secure doesn't necessarily do so.

Take my quiz to see how secure you are about relationships.

1/ How quickly do you tell a man you're falling in love?

A. Quickly - I'm always bursting to tell

B. Quite quickly, even before they do.

C. I take my time

2/ Are you always in a relationship or at least dating actively?

A. I'm never on my own

B. I've been single but prefer not to be

C. I've been happily single for various periods

3/ If your partner doesn't make a huge fuss of your birthday, do you -

A. Feel hurt beyond belief/have a strop

B. Feel quite hurt

C. So long as he's loving I'm happy with what he does

4/ How frequently do expect him to ring, text or e-mail?

A. Very frequently

B. Quite frequently

C. I know it'll vary with how busy he is

5/ When watching TV/DVD together, and an attractive woman's on screen, do you -

A. Get very upset

B. Feel a bit annoyed

C. Don't worry about it

6/ Do you worry you're not pretty, smart, "good" enough for him?

A. Very often

B. Sometimes

C. Hasn't crossed my mind

7/ Do you feel you must look perfect for your partner, e.g., no bad hair or make-up?

A. Always

B. Frequently

C. No, he should see the real me

8/ Do you take a partner's comments as biting criticism?

A. Yes, I take things the wrong way

B. Sometimes I do

C. No, I like honest and constructive comments

9/ When he's away how do you feel?

A. Alone, anxious, very unhappy

B. Not very happy

C. Fine, and use the time wisely for my own things

10/ Have you been dumped due to demanding, insecure behaviour?

A. Frequently

B. Occasionally

C. Never

Mainly As - Incredibly Insecure

Not only does your insecurity spoil your day-to-day happiness but it'll spoil your relationships! Your thoughts and feelings about "being good enough" for your partner or about them "leaving you for something better" mean you do things that jeopardise a relationship. For example, you ring a partner too much, or get in a strop when they don't pay enough attention, or when they "look" at someone else. Men will head for the hills if you don't change.

Follow these Six Steps To Security:

1/ If presently in a relationship let your partner know that from today you're going to be more aware of insecure behaviours. If not, think through the way you showed insecurity in your last relationship and pledge to yourself you won't do so in future. Make it your mantra!

2/ Next sit down and compile a full list of insecure feelings and behaviours dominating your relationships. For example, wanting to text your partner every few minutes to see what he's doing. Devise a "counter strategy" for each, e.g., instead of texting him send the text to yourself. You'll quickly see how those texts add up!

3/ Begin to build up your best points. Give yourself a pat on your back when you do something positive. Don't look to your partner to always compliment you, build you up, make you feel good - you need to do learn to do that!

4/ At a deeper, emotional level learn to switch on an inner, loving voice rather than a negative and insecure one. When that insecure one starts chattering away, stop it and talk to yourself in a soothing, loving way.

5/ Carve out some "alone time" in your diary. Those that are insecure often hate being on their own. Do some fun things in this time so you enjoy yourself.

6/ Insecure people often avoid challenges so on a weekly basis put yourself in a challenging situation. Prove to yourself you can meet the challenge.

Mainly Bs - Insecure Impulses

We might've caught your insecurity in time - before it spins out of control! You probably know when you're having a good day and feeling quite secure in your relationship and when you're having about day. Use the advice above that will help you banish your insecure impulses.

Mainly Cs - So Secure

You're secure and confident enough that you don't need constant reassurance and attention from your partner. You're prepared to show your love without "gushing" and frightening someone off. You realise the best relationships allow both people some space and independence. Hold onto your high level of security by making sure that any bad experiences don't knock it.

Finally, feelings of security come from within. They don't come from fame and fortune as Victoria Beckham's found. You'll never find it if you keep looking for it in a partner. Dig deep within yourself to find that little seed of self-belief and start to grow it!

Published in The Express Newspaper