Dr Pam Spurr

Understanding and Overcoming Your Pre-Wedding Jitters and On-the-day Nerves...

Understanding and Overcoming Your Pre-Wedding Jitters and On-the-day Nerves...

Deciding to get married is one of the biggest decisions you'll ever make. Apart from deciding to have children or not it ranks at the top of life-changing moments.

Rest assured pre-wedding jitters and nerves on the day are completely natural. Heck, you angst over what car to buy or where to live so why wouldn't you worry about getting it right with the woman you're going to love, honour and cherish… and from her perspective, obey!

Before the Big Day

The biggest question to play on your mind, probably making you break out in a nervous sweat is: Is she really the one? This is a completely natural question to ask. It doesn't mean you're not in love with her. It doesn't mean you're not ready to settle down. It means you're human and part of that is about questioning the decisions that’ll change your life for good.

How to put these jitters right -

*When these thoughts strike, running around your mind, make a list of all the reasons you love her - and I mean all of them, big and small. ‘Think in ink’ and write it down. Keep that list in your wallet so you can check it anytime.

*Try thought stopping - when a worry comes to mind, close your eyes, visualise her face and tell yourself, "She's the one for me!"

*Ring her up for some fun and flirty conversation to get a better vibe going. Once you hear her sexy voice, chat about your plans for the evening, and give each other kisses down the phone, everything’s put in perspective.

*Definitely let her know if too much talk of wedding plans is "getting" to you. Of course you should do this tactfully. Many men tell me they feel overwhelmed in the run-up to the wedding because everything becomes about the day. It's easier to lose sight of all you share - and get those jitters - when wedding conversations/plans are out of control.

*A little bit of tactful honesty goes a long way. You don't want to panic her but at the same time if you’re getting married you should be able to discuss even the difficult issues of life. Open up a loving and thoughtful conversation by asking if she ever gets "nervous about the whole thing". Reassure her that you've both made the right decision but you'd like to share any worries.

Am I making the right decision to marry? The second biggest question causing jitters is wondering why you haven't just decided to live together. Why have all the fuss and bother of the ceremony?

Again, simply reassuring yourself that you both feel marriage is the right choice can go a long way. Use the above strategies - the reasons why you love her, thinking in ink, etc. - to put the stoppers on this question.

On The Big Day

Just as brides do, men have a few key worries on the day.

*First off, looking your best weighs on many grooms’ minds. It's crucial to try on your suit a day or two beforehand just in case you've had any weight changes (perhaps from all your nerves!). Sort it now and you'll look handsome on the day.

*Do a ‘dress run’ - put on the works and then practice holding yourself confidently in front of a mirror. Hold onto this strong image of yourself as the confident groom as you wait at the altar.

*Be prepared and lay everything out the night before. You don't want to search high and low on the morning for those special cufflinks, etc.

*If there's going to be a bride-groom first dance practice with your bride-to-be if you're used to clubbing but not to doing a slow dance in a relaxed way.

*When it comes to giving a speech as a newly married man thanking your father-in-law, praising your bride, etc., know what you're going to say. Just as the best man should practice his speech you should too. Definitely watch the alcohol intake pre-speech - a slurring groom is not impressive!

*Relax and enjoy - it's your day, you're in love, you're starting a new phase of your life and have everything to be happy about and little to worry about!

What If Your Nerves Are More Than Nerves?

Deep down if you know you're marrying for the wrong reasons - she pressured you into it, you’ve fallen for someone else, you want to be free, etc. - you're going to have to face her and break it off. Believe me you won't be the first man (or woman!) that changes their mind after the wedding invitations have gone out.

Better to break it off now than to go down the aisle and have to go through the whole process of divorce very soon down the line.

A similar article was published on MSN UK