Dr Pam Spurr

Try these love challenges (3)

Love Fitness Challenges (3)!

Your Love Fitness challenges will continue to take you out of your comfort zone. This is your Action-woman challenges and I want you to think in terms of being a "Jane Bond" - an equal to James Bond any day!

Love Fitness Challenge A:

Go online to a dating site. Your first goal is simply to explore the site and really examine what men are saying about themselves and what they're looking for. Next, make a note of the top few men who attracted your attention. On a note pad for each one at write down what attracted you do them and who are they attracted to? Examine your notes and look for any common themes. For example, do they all say they’re looking for a "down to earth woman"? Or do they say they all have a "GSOH"? What sparked your interest in them - their photographs or what they said about themselves?

Why do this love challenge?

To challenge yourself about looking for a "type". We often don't realise that we’re in search, at a subconscious level, for a specific type of man. This keeps our minds closed off from other type of men that we might relate well to.

Love Fitness Challenge B:

Select a male-dominated activity to go to with a trusted friend for back-up. You could go to a football match, abseiling at your local sports centre, paint-balling, rowing, an assault course - anywhere there are lots of men. First off, observe what's going on before plunging in. Next, check your body language is confident - good posture, shoulders pulled back, don't clutch your handbag across your abdomen, and you’re ready to make good eye-contact. Now start a conversation with a man who looks friendly. Ask about the activity, any rules you should know about what's going on, about how often he does it, etc.

Why do this love challenge?

Because you’re really putting yourself out there in a male-dominated activity. You’re composing yourself and watching your body language and most importantly making conversation that's goal-directed. Focusing on goal-directed conversations like this increases your confidence to talking none specifically in a variety of circumstances with men. Also you may just find you’re quite good at, or enjoy, this activity - you can’t lose any way you look at it!

Love Fitness Challenge C:

Find a way to put your self centre stage. This week I want you to enjoy the limelight in some way. And I mean this very loosely and flexibly. Whether you go with friends to karaoke, take up an amateur dramatics class, or volunteer to lead you're weekly work’s meeting or to do some sort of presentation. Any activity where people are going to be focused on you will do. Even in a small way I want you to ensure you get the limelight somehow. Perhaps you always have lunch with the same group from work, and you always sit and gossip about the same things. Why not initiate something new like a book club where every month each of you read the same book to discuss at a lunch at the end of the month. Take control of the suggestion and the discussion and go with it!

Why do this love challenge?

Many women, even those who aren’t particularly shy, find it hard to enjoy attention. This means when they DO get male attention they start "gabbling on", freeze up, ask the wrong questions, etc. It all goes wrong in some way! Getting used to being centre-stage in a variety of ways means you'll be able to cope when a man wants to chat you up.