Dr Pam Spurr

Pre-Wedding Jitters? Join the Crowd...

Pre-Wedding Jitters? Join the Crowd!  It's easy - and understandable - to worry about pre-wedding jitters that seem to strike out of the blue. Inwardly you wonder why you're feeling nervous. After all, you've been looking forward to getting married - right? Of course you want to marry him. Heck, even Kate Middleton probably wonders if William really is the Prince Charming for her happy-ever-after.

Thankfully in the majority of cases these jitters don't signify anything serious. Men, of course, experience them too but are much more likely to keep such worries to themselves. At least women tend to share them with their best friends and hopefully get much needed reassurance.

So why do women get these jangling nerves?

I find there are two main culprits responsible for most pre-wedding worries. First, it's easy to start over-analysing a stress-inducing situation. And no matter how happy your big day ends up, the run-up to a wedding is almost always stressful.

This means that getting stressed starts sapping your confidence and from there it's a downward spiral: the more stressed you feel, the more you doubt yourself and what you really want out of life.

The more doubt that develops then the more stress is heaped on, and so on. Left unchecked many brides end up with sleepless nights and even more jitters. They question things like is he right for me? Do I really love him? How am I going to feel in 10 years time? Once you've put such questions into perspective (see advice below) your anxieties start to fade.

Beware of the body-issues jitters –

The second main reason women start doubting they want to walk down the aisle is "sadly" about their size and shape. When, as a little girl, they’d dream about being a princess-for-the-day with all eyes on them, as a grown-up they suddenly they fear all eyes will be on any extra lumps and bumps - real or imagined.

I say this is a "sad" reason for pre-wedding jitters because quite frankly it is. Your guests and your groom will only notice your radiance and happy glow as you come down the aisle. Apart from a few catty types (and who cares about them!) no one notices whether or not you've gained weight - they've come to see your big day and want to share in your happiness.

Coping with your anxieties and jitters –

*Beginning with any issues around your size and shape start by getting practical - have your dress fitted when you're at a comfortable weight rather than having dieted down to something that’ll leave you feeling faint on the day.

*Resist last-minute dieting – you’ll only have to get your dress taken in and you will not look at your best on the day - gaunt and pinched isn't a good look!

*Put into perspective any worry over your size and shape - would your fiancé really want to marry you if you were all that horrible? Is your happiness together as a married couple going to revolve around your weight? Remind yourself on a daily basis that your relationship - and your big day - is all about loving and caring for each other, and sharing a happy life together.

*It's crucial to put any questions about whether you’re doing the right thing getting married into context. For starters no relationship is ever perfect and no two people fit together perfectly. Remind yourself that so much of what we see in films and on TV about relationships and romance are myths.

*Take a few minutes each day to relax and focus on the things you two share that make you happy. Maybe it's the way you two love to go clubbing and have a laugh, the friends you share, or something completely different. Don't lose sight of this!

*Now’s the perfect time to think about why you fell for him – his humour, kindness, the way he treats you, etc. Hold tight to the good reasons for you two to be together.

*If not getting on top of your anxieties definitely talk to a friend whose judgement you trust. No good talking to the ‘drama queen’ of your group who will blow things out of proportion! Sometimes offloading on a friend can work wonders.

*Finally if your concerns are growing to the point where you’re truly worried it's a good idea to very tactfully raised your concerns with your fiancé. You don't want your panic spread to him but you're going to be sharing your life with him and that means being able to talk about difficult issues.

Always begin by highlighting the positives between you and probe whether or not he's been feeling any jitters to get the conversation started. In most cases a couple finds this conversation reassures them both.

Good luck and congratulations!

A similar article was published on MSN UK