Dr Pam Spurr

The Facts About Flirtatious Behaviour...

The Facts About Flirtatious Behaviour...An acquaintance, Sarah, 39, said her new boyfriend Charlie pulled her up on her flirtatious behaviour. "He loved me flirting with him… he must’ve known I'm a natural-born flirt," she protested. No, I told her, Charlie assumed he was so irresistible she only flirted with him and was perturbed to see she flirts outside of their cuddly new coupledom.

In fact I informed her that research finds that flirtatious women can make a partner less loving. Oh yes, men love a flirt when they've just met someone as other research has found. But put the brakes on that flirty behaviour once you two are together! In his eyes there's a world of difference between flirting directed at the oh-so-wonderful him and an entire flirtatious personality.

This is the result of typical "territoriality" it seems. You might think a man would see a flirtatious partner as reflecting well on him - isn't she so sexy and sparkling? Such a man would ask. “And I’ve nabbed her”, he might silently gloat.

However there must be a deeply rooted belief in most that the sexy flirt they “captured” should then morph into a down-to-earth, completely trustworthy partner. Because ultimately continuing flirtatiousness must seem threatening.

And any woman that’s claimed not to care that her partner’s a flirt is simply putting on a brave front. Talk about territoriality! I've been told time and again by women in relationships with flirts how they’d love to throttle him when he dabbles in flirting, say, at a party. But usually throw him a look like daggers curb his enthusiasm. Plus they feel oceans of resentment towards the women on the receiving end.

So enjoy that flirting in your relationship but be wary of proclaiming yourself a natural-born flirt, with every right to continue flirting your way through life, once in a partnership. It may be that you go from flirt to finished-with quicker than the wink of a flirtatious eye. 

A similar article was published in the Times newspaper