Dr Pam Spurr

Dating tips for WOMEN - The Wise Woman's Guide to The Art of Flirting

The Wise Woman's Guide to The Art of Flirting

It feels fantastic when someone gives you a flirty smile, a cheeky glance or a nice compliment. Flirting makes being with someone new that much more fun, and a little bit exciting, as well as more sparkling. Those natural born flirts as I call them have a greater success rate in getting dates and enjoying dates

Why flirt with him?

The main point of flirting is to connect you to a potential love interest. It tells him that you’re interested in him as more than a friend. If you're good at flirting you tend to make more dating opportunities for yourself. You flirt with him, he likes it, and he asks you out - it's as simple as that. Also flirting just feels good and uplifts those on the receiving end.

The Initial Phases Of Your Flirting

As soon as you set eyes on him would have made a decision of whether he was attractive or not. That's when we go into the first phase of flirting. If he then returns that interest it sets up a lovely little cycle of flirting back and forth. The attraction and the sexual tension slowly starts mounting. I call this initial stage of flirting where you're trying to get his attention a Positive Flirt Approach (PFA). In other words by flirting with him positively you are approaching him.

Here are the top tips for making a Positive Flirt Approach and hopefully getting a date:

Give him good eye contact but don't hold it for more than a few seconds or he might find it a bit overwhelming or threatening rather than seductive.

Next go in for a second and even a third glance at him. A second glance hints to him that you're interested and the third glance definitely gives him a positive flirt signal. Hopefully he'll respond to that!

It's important that while you’re making a PFA to relax your posture towards him. It's no good turning your body away from him or stopping those glances.

Now it's time for a killer smile. It could be a sexy little flicker of a grin or a big, broad smile - whatever you’re confident giving. But that should be enough to give him the confidence that he’s reading your flirt signals correctly.

Next develop your flirtatious body-language further. Make sure you cross your legs towards him and use your fingertips along your collarbone and upper cleavage. These give out signals of your definite attraction to him!  

If he's interested then he'll probably pull his posture upright that gives an unconscious  signal of his masculinity through his broad chest and shoulders turned directly towards you.

To approach or not to approach? On the whole by giving him good eye contact, repeated glances, a flirtatious smile, and positive body-language you’ll increase your chances of him coming over.

Now for the all important chat up –

Create comfort zone –

Just as men need to do, you also need to create what I call your comfort zone around yourself that makes him feel good around you. Your comfort zone should be about feeling confident and transmitting this to him. Let yourself be relaxed and easy going because if you’re stressed or nervous you won’t be able to create that comfort zone. So chill out and be ready to take this opportunity to get to know him.

The voice has it - be aware of your vocal tone. Men are attracted by and respond well to a soft, flirty tone of voice. Shrill and excitable (which can happen with nerves) is a big flirt turn off.

Make him the focus of your attention - nothing is less flirty then keeping one eye on the rest of the room when you've just met him. You need to focus on him and nothing else.

The feelgood factor - just as you like to receive a flirty compliment men do too. Tell him if you like the shirt he's wearing or something else about him. But be genuine. He'll see straight through a fake compliment.

Be playful - a great flirt giggles at a joke even if it's not that funny. But she knows it makes him feel good - and how hard is it to laugh a little? If he says something a bit cheeky then comment on it again with a light-hearted tone. Tell him, "who's the cheeky one?" It's the little things that are playful that will take your flirting far.

The flirty kind of gameplaying - a fabulous flirt is a bit of a challenge. So when he asks you when he can take you out, you can tell him you're booked up for the next month and as his face starts to fall add, "but for you I can be free on Friday!"

Use a prop - so you two are finally sharing dinner and you've got some asparagus. Have fun and flirt with it! Roll it between your lips and give him a naughty grin.

When too much is not a good thing –

When you go beyond flirting into sexually assertive or aggressive behaviour that's not a good thing. It gives him the wrong idea that you’re just up for sex. Maybe you are and that's your prerogative. But just in case you're not and you don't want to rush in to bed then it's bad to give mixed signals.

Flirting becomes over the top when you make direct sexual remarks, when a positive piece of body language like gently touching his forearm becomes much more if you start stripping it, or when you allow him to take things like that too far with you.

Published on MSN.co.UK