Dr Pam Spurr

Find Love For Valentine's Day!

Find Love For Valentine's Day!

Let me increase your chances of finding love in the next few weeks!

It's amazing how someone's perspective on Valentine's Day can change depending on their relationship status. When they’re part of a cosy couple they can’t wait for the big romantic day of the year. Oh, how that changes if they’re single - they think it's a ridiculous day intended to put pressure on everyone and they wish it’d simply go away!

If you're a sceptical single who'd like to be in a relationship here are some fun and quirky tips to enhance your chances of finding love in the next few weeks.

Every Opportunity Is A Speed Date!

I'd like you to develop a new mindset - to think that around every corner or, say, in every lift at work there's a potential date. And when you come across these "Mr Potentials" I want you to be ready to treat it like a speed dating event because you may only have a couple of minutes with this person. Smile and say something neutral like, "this lift takes for ever." You don't have to make conversation like you're the brain of Britain but instead simply start up a casual chat. Even if nothing happens at that first meeting with that new work colleague in the lift, or that chance encounter at your GP's surgery, you'd be surprised how often you run into such people. The next time you see them you've got the opportunity to be friendly and chatty.

Put Your Body Language To Good Use!

Your body language reveals loads about you. It can make you look desperate if you’re seen craning your head around, scanning every corner of the company event you've walked into. Or it can be a subtle weapon in catching that special person's attention without looking too desperate. Wherever you go make sure you’re holding yourself confidently and you're ready with a pleasant smile. If you happen to notice an attractive person at the evening class you’ve recently joined then turn your body towards him when you’re talking, hold his eye contact for just that extra second, and he’ll soon get the message without you shouting it down a megaphone!

Opposites Attract!

When I talk about “opposites and attraction” I'm not talking about the fact that people assume opposites in personality are attracted to each other. That may be true but what I'd like you to do is go for the opposite type of person that you tend to go for. If you think you must have a "professional" man in your life why not go for someone in a completely different sphere. If you've always gone for the "strong, silent type" why not give a chance to a louder or more flamboyant person? As soon as you open up the possibility of being attracted to people you don't normally consider you greatly enhance your chances of meeting someone new.

Create Your Comfort Zone!

Learn to establish what I call a ‘comfort zone’ around you. This is an imaginary zone around you where anyone who enters it (namely those other singles!) feels good in your presence. Being in your comfort zone means being yourself and feeling relaxed because it’ll make him feel relaxed. And if you're yourself that means he can be himself. Men are attracted to women who make them feel at ease. If you asked them why they've asked a particular woman on a date, frequently they can’t put their finger on it except to say that they "feel good in her presence".

Friends And Family!
Most of the singles I come across are terribly shy about telling people that they’re on the lookout to meet other singles. You need to dump that shyness now and in a confident way (heavens-for-bid not a desperate way!) let them know you are actively looking to meet someone. Sometimes you need to spell it out. Friends and family might assume that you're a "satisfied single" not interested in introductions. If you're feeling very confident e-mail everyone you know reminding them to think of you when they come across suitable singles.

Singles Parties!
Rather than relying on singles events sponsored by dating/events companies why not throw your own "meet and match" party? Everyone who comes has to bring a single friend. Lucky you - you can bag the best of the singles as your friends arrive with them seeing as you're hosting the party. After all, it's your party and you can do what you want to!

Widen Your Circle Of Opportunity!
Those that I call "romance-smart" people are the ones that take advantage of their "circle of opportunity". They get out to new places on a regular basis and take up new hobbies and interests where they might meet people. They don't always go to the same cafes and restaurants. They know that the wider they make their "circle of opportunity" the more people they bring into it. Those that keep a very tight "circle of opportunity" and only ever see the same one of two friends or go to the same coffee-shop decrease their chances significantly of finding love.

Boost Your Confidence!
Relationship research shows that confident people are like a magnet to others. You don't have to be the most attractive person in the world, or have an amazing career trajectory, but if you have confidence you're more likely to meet someone. Set yourself small goals that help you develop your confidence. Every day remind yourself of your three best qualities. And do more of the things you're good at to keep boosting your self-belief.

Widen your circle of opportunity. Don't just go to the same old pubs and clubs.

Dump your romantic checklist that keeps you blinkered to different types of people.

Look for fun, not love, or you'll come across as desperate!

Develop positive body-language that gives a confident message. Confidence = attractive

Flirt your way to fun! Use a flirty smile to encourage the person you fancy to make the next move.

Create a "comfort-zone" around you! Be positive, confident and open and you’ll attract more potential partners. Use your comfort-zone when on a date so he/she feels good in your company.

• Every day do something new to prove to yourself that you can do what you set your mind to. Smile at someone new, sit with someone new at your lunch break, and find somewhere new to visit.
• Stop that negative voice in your head! Each time you have a negative thought, e.g., "no one's going to be attracted to me!" substitute a positive thought instead like, "I've got loads to offer!"
• Find your lucky mascot - for Andrea it is Kate Winslet. She admires the way Kate Winslet has overcome issues with her weight and her divorce. Carry a photo of your mascot around with you and each time you look at it remind yourself you can be that way too.
• Learn to love your inner self by nurturing your inner child. Choose a favourite photograph from when you were a child, study it, and tell yourself how much that little child deserves happiness. Remind yourself of this when you’re feeling anxious - it's that little child inside who needs a hug.
• Look in the mirror and watch yourself move, then improve on your body language. Maybe you need to pull your posture up, stop fiddling with your hands or hair, or just give good eye contact.
• Practise flirting! Flirting is fun and if you feel too shy to try it then use the mirror to practise some flirtatious moves like stroking your hair sensually.
• Create comfort zone around self before a date! If arrive stressed men will pick up this negative vibe. Ensure you have plenty of time to relax before the date with your outfit prepared, do a little gentle stretching or yoga to loosen your body language, talk self out of neg ative thoughts, remind yourself of your mascot and how you can be like her, and get ready to have fun!

Previously published in The Express Newspaper