Dr Pam Spurr

Why Not Indulge Him?

Why Not Indulge Him?  I often find the wise way to kick-start your relationship - and get him to indulge you - is to start by indulging him first! Here are some simple strategies to use on him that'll guarantee you’re enjoying some fringe benefits soon.

And as I usually give lots of advice to the guys to improve relationships I thought it was fair to do it the other way around this time.

Flaunt Your Feminine Side:

It sounds old-fashioned but he'll love it if you flaunt your feminine side by wearing some your prettiest, sexiest things. Men don't mind the ‘comfy, old grey tracksuit’ look if you alternate it with some of your feminine frocks. They love our girly side, so climb out of your home-based grunge and get into some gear that shows off your feminine attributes.

A Little Distance Leads To Big Appreciation:

No matter how loved-up you two are, sometimes we can be demanding about getting his attention 24/7. So strike that delicate balance between wanting to cuddle up to him and knowing when to give him a little space - like when he's watching sports on the telly! When you give him that space use it as a chance to catch up with your girlfriends on the phone.  That little bit of space will make him appreciate you all the more.

Ch-ch-ch-changes:

Surprise him with a new look - change your hair colour or hair style, or even wear a different style. Men are such visual creatures that they love things to change visually from time to time. Or have some sexy fun, buy a wig, and greet him at the door as an entirely ‘different’ woman. Give yourself a flirty nickname – ‘Mandy’ springs to mind - and pretend you want to have a one night stand in your new persona!

Surprise, Surprise:

Many of us women make the mistake of thinking that it's the man's job to furnish the surprises in our relationship - particularly when it comes to romantic surprises. Reverse the tables and take the pressure off him. Plan surprises like booking tickets to a gig or racing event he wants to see. Or text him and tell him to arrive at a certain time. At that time you'll be in a candlelit bath with two glasses of something fizzy. He might want to dive in and join you, or flirt with you while you lather yourself up! Or why not have him arrive home to a candle-lit picnic on your sitting room floor? Hand feed him some simple foods, and don't be surprised if you end up as dessert.

The Feel-Good Factor:

Although most men want to disappear when stressed - like down the garden in the form of a classic "shed dweller" - there are ways to make him feel better. It's all about your timing. If you can tell he's stressed resist badgering him with 50 questions. Just because you like to talk when you're stressed, he'll love it if you don't expect the same from him. Instead show him some understanding and respect his wishes to keep quiet until he feels ready to open up. When he does, don't jump in with all your solutions. Talk around them so he comes up with his own solutions - that makes him feel that old-fashioned thing - more masculine! 

Seventh Heaven:

The old adage is it that cooking's the way to a man's heart - but the other main way is through sensuality. Dream up a sexy ‘sensual signature’ technique that you know he'll love. For instance, if he's a natural-born kisser - who enjoys a good snog - experiment with a new kissing technique. Make that your own signature technique. It can become a love-code between you, that if you start kissing him in that way, then you're up for more.

Seduction Is All In The Mind:

Just as with us, seduction is all in his mind. Flirt with him and tease him, laugh and lighten-up and you'll put him in a seductive mood. Make your bedroom or part of your sitting room a distraction-free zone when you're trying to work your magic. Because distractions aren't sexy!

Before-play:

Forget foreplay and concentrate on ‘before-play’ - before-play is what creates a generally good vibe between you. If you ignore it, it's easy to let stresses and strains buildup between you killing any sexual desire. Before-play is about setting the scene between you including ironing out any difficulties. And if you've created a good vibe - and you think it's leading to a candlelit dinner and beyond - then don't raise the fact there are bills to pay, moan about your boss and deadlines, or criticise him over minor irritations. That kills the whole vibe. When you want to snuggle up, keep focused on the before-play being about feeling good with each other.

Big-Him-Up:

Start really listening to him and also big-him-up. It's easy to tune him out and pay lip-service to what he says. He cottons on to that and then feels neglected. So listen and let him know that you understand what he's saying. Then also heap loads of praise and compliments on him, the way we women love to be complimented. He needs his ego stroking every bit as much as you do! Such praise will make him feel he’s your very own James Bond and keep him feeling romantically and sexually confident.

Dare To Say What You Want:

There's practically no bigger turn-on for a man then when you tell him in loads of sexy detail exactly what you'd like to have happen between the sheets. Go on, be brave, and describe what he does best and what you'd like more of. You'll be surprised at the results including the boost to your own sexual confidence!

Finally, never worry that indulging him makes you the weaker person in the relationship. Far from it, if anything it strengthens your hand. So enjoy the rewards you reap from indulging him!

A similar article was published on iVillage.co.uk