Dr Pam Spurr

How Romance Can Be like Extracting Teeth...

How Romance Can Be like Extracting Teeth...

(All personal details changed)

Just because you're a smart, successful career woman like my colleague Alexis, 34, doesn't stop you wanting romance at Valentines. Women who normally prefer a relationship-of-equals want a manly-man to emerge from his ‘new man-ness’ who takes the romance in hand.

He doesn't realise this, though, the poor thing. Before Valentine’s you wring your hands over dropping hints, or book it yourself, risk humiliating him and feeling bitter inside. Or decide in a huff to forget the whole idea. Do that and you’re liable to resent him. Overall, a lose-lose situation.

How can you extract romance without it being painful as dental work? Begin with a healthy dose of hinting now (only a fool waits till the night before!). Casually remark, "Valentines falls on Tueday this year - not so perfect - we can enjoy something special at the weekend instead."

Let that remark bed-in to his unsuspecting brain then elicit a competitive response: drop into a conversation how your best friend’s got wind her partner’s planning a wonderful Valentines surprise. Hopefully he'll want to compete with that.

Next induce a touch of insecurity, a day or two later with, "I'd hate it if we took each other for granted. We should spoil each other more!" The desired effect is that he thinks you feel taken for granted and he should take action.

Finally show yourself in a caring-sharing light because selfishness over romance won't go unnoticed by him. Ask if there’s any surprise he'd like for Valentines. Yes, you may want it to be all about you but it's about the two of you!

If hinting and plotting doesn't appeal to you than one clear statement should positively alter Valentines from here to eternity. Without suggesting he’s been a hopeless loser in the past, ask him for the evening you want. Say you'd love him to dream up some romance, book the restaurant, cabs, etc., and you’ll forever appreciate it. Much better than facing the usual gnawing disappointment pre-, on, and post-Valentines.

A similar article was published in The Times