Dr Pam Spurr

Bridge That Glaring Age Gap

Bridge That Glaring Age Gap

Here are some thoughts on this age-old issue

It was seeing Madonna hanging out in Italy with boyfriend Jesus Luz sometime ago that beg the question how big a gap is too much of a gap. There's nearly a whopping 30 years between them but looking at their body language it obviously doesn't matter. They're enjoying time together for whatever it might be - a passionate fling or a longer lasting love.

Then there's Kylie’s boyfriend, Spanish hunk, the model Andres Velencoso Segura, who at 10 years younger will be guaranteed to keep her on her toes. And let's not forget long-standing age gap successes like forever-bubbly Barbara Windsor and Scott Mitchell and Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones Douglas. Successes like that only spring from a good deal of thoughtfulness and respect for what the other brings to the relationship.

It's not just celebrities who aren't "minding the gap"!

But it's not just the celebs who are ignoring age gaps as statistics show that increasingly more people are in age-gap relationships than ever before.

On the surface this is a great thing because age is only a number - right? And if you love each other - doesn't love conquer all? Well, no it doesn't as unfortunately age -gap relationships bring with them a special set of circumstances. Wise up to these and your relationship could be a success despite the odds.

The essential "rules and regulations" to make an age-gap romance work:

Don't assume you’ll both fulfil certain roles! You might assume that the older partner will have more wisdom and a younger partner will listen to what they say. Scratch that thought because if this relationship’s going to work you’re going to have to treat each other as equals.

Do be tactful to each other! You might think it's funny to tease your older partner about the grey hair or crow’s feet but it's not. Likewise you might think it's a laugh to joke that you younger partner hasn't got a clue - but they won't see the funny side.

Do think through big life issues! If you’re 25 and definitely want children but you've hooked up with a 50-year-old who already has them, you need to talk about it. Don't live in a fantasy world where you think you're going to get your way. When it comes to these big issues you two may be at very different life stages - and have to recognise this honestly.

Do be strong when it comes to others’ opinions! You too might love each other and have a great relationship but friends and family might see it differently. Both of you need to unite about this sort of pressure. Support each other because you might well feel loads of pressure to give up the relationship. Convince those around you that it's a good relationship by keeping calm under pressure and not flying off the handle when they question the age gap.

Do be open-minded about what you can learn from each other! The younger partner can probably help the older one get clued up about things like , whereas the older one might be able to get their younger one get clued up about things like mortgages. Always be willing to learn from the other.

Do be aware of difficult emotions towards each other! The older partner might get jealous of the younger one going out clubbing with friends. They feel they would look stupid clubbing and they don't want to go. Likewise the younger one might feel left out when the older one discusses things (with friends of the same age) from decades before they were born. They feel a bit foolish and like they can’t contribute to such conversations. Try to include each other where you can and acknowledge where you can’t.

Do you pay attention to physical differences between you! Particularly if there’s a big age-gap between you there might be a number of physical differences. And these include sexual differences! The older partner may have a lower sex drive and might well have less energy overall to do various things. Always be tactful and loving about such differences rather than judgmental.

Finally, do be prepared for all sorts of challenges! All relationships face challenges that face thing the fact that your age gap one will face even more will only strengthen your chances. Being aware should enhance the way you communicate with each other, as well as the honesty and respect you have for each other - in other words the things that will help melt away your age-gap.

Published on MSN.co.uk