Dr Pam Spurr

Whatever Makes You Happy...

Whatever Makes You Happy...Wouldn't you expect that people want their partners to make them happy? It all depends on how they go about trying to do it. William, 31, [all personal details changed for anonymity] doesn't understand why his fiance Charlotte, 32, isn't happy that he always wants to make her happy.

It transpires that William likes to lead an easy life because of his high-pressure job in finance. An easy life to him means not having to make decisions at home. When there’s a decision looming he leaves it to Charlotte saying, "You decide, whatever makes you happy!"

At first she enjoyed this state of affairs and, say, decided what film they’d see, the colour of their new sofa, and where they’d meet friends for dinner. But making these decisions began to pale and arguments started to flair. William said he was at a loss as to why Charlotte began to feel annoyed as he was simply very happy going with whatever she wanted to do.

I pointed out to William that she might find his indecisiveness as a sign of not really caring that much about their relationship. Because in her eyes, if he cared, he’d care what they did together. Or she might even see it as a sign of plain, old laziness and laziness can be annoying!

This happens in many relationships where one person ends up as the "designated decider" of what the couple does. That's all well and good when both parties like it that way but such a meeting of minds is rare. And William and Charlotte are a case in point.

William needed to pull his finger out and start making his share of the decisions. High-pressure job or not, he needed to apply decision-making skills with speed and finesse when it came to decisions. The key? Don't linger and just go for a decision. This way they weren't a drain to him but also satisfied Charlotte he was interested in the what they did.

An edited version of this was published in The Times