Dr Pam Spurr

How to Get Things Started When You Meet Someone New

How to Get Things Started When You Meet Someone New...Conversation starters:

Always start conversations with something subtle and simple but not as simple as asking what she's doing there. If it's, e.g., a bar she's obviously there to socialise or meet someone and it seems you haven't put any effort in. Unless you're at a private party and the classic conversation starter is to ask how she knows the person throwing it. That's a perfect entree into finding links in the people you know.

Otherwise it's far better to use a simple opener - that's a statement rather than a question - like you've tried the house Merlot and can highly recommend it, or this place has great live music on Saturday nights. Some women find a question daunting as an opener and a bit too personal. But making a simple but true statement (like you really do enjoy the Merlot) gives her a choice of answers like whether she has/hasn't tried it, or if she prefers cocktails, etc.

Notice her body language:

Before continuing note her body language and whether she turns even a little bit towards you or tries to ‘block’ you by turning slightly away.

Towards you and you can continue - the next step being a question initially covering opinions rather than facts. Being asked factual things like if she works nearby again can be a bit intimidating so far better to find out, say, if she likes live music.

Think about your body language:

Always keep confident posture but don't lean in too close to her or use your body to block her line of vision around the place - both subconsciously intimidating in the initial phases of conversation.

If things are going well and she starts chatting naturally that's a very positive sign that she's responsive to you. To connect at a deeper level move into territory like ‘friendships’ and ask if she normally comes here with pals and throw in the sorts of places you and your friends usually go to. Another couple good and classic areas of conversation include travel, TV and films so ask if she's seen one that you genuinely want to see. She'll find that subtle approach far more interesting - if she can tell you about it - then you giving a full-on film review of the latest one you've seen. Of course when this conversation gets going, discuss your favourite ones from the last year with her.

All of these initial points for foolproof conversation starters can be done with some flirting. Women love a cheeky smile, a glint in the eye, an easy laugh, a little joke, with the majority of women (but not all so use your judgement) preferring that to direct sexual innuendo when you first meet. Good luck!