Dr Pam Spurr

More thoughts on first dates!

More thoughts on first dates! Questions and answers -

1)      Nowadays, are there any hard and fast rules for first dates? For example, is a kiss on the cheek acceptable? What about more?

A few critical first date rules include: A/ Don’t gush about too much personal stuff. Many women, usually through nerves, gush about all sorts of topics. This full-on cascade of information is too much for many men to handle. Keep the conversation light, and fun, and stop yourself from time to time to give him room to talk. B/ I don't think you should ever sleep with a man on a first date particularly if you want romance and a relationship. Sex on tap is simply not going to get it! This is the oldest rule in the book. Stick with an affectionate and flirty kiss and keep him wanting lots more. C/ Avoid all conversation about your ex or ‘how bad you are at relationships’. You’ll come across as someone needing pity - not an attractive attribute!

2) If you find yourself waking up next to a guy after just one date, is the relationship doomed to fail? Have you ruined the possibility of a serious future together?

You should never find yourself waking up to a guy after a first date! But if you do keep calm and friendly. Don't make a big point that you "never do this" because you just have nd you'll never believe you. Also don't ask him, "When will I see you again?" Instead take the bull by the horns and ask if he'd like to meet up in a couple nights for dinner. Of course you only ask this if you want to see him after sleeping with him because you may have been turned off him for some reason.

3) When is it OK to sleep with a guy you're dating? How long should you wait? Are there any rules?

There are two rules that dictate when you should sleep with a man. First, you have to have the dating confidence to talk to him about issues like safer sex. If you can’t talk to him about using condoms and safer sex methods then you shouldn't be sleeping with him. Second, you should only sleep with him if you know why you're doing it, i.e., because you really want to and not because you're hoping to make him "fall for you". Sleeping with a man will only be fantastic when you're in control and feel confident about!

4) What important issues should you discuss with your date before going to bed with him?

You should be aired talk about two things - what you and he want from the relationship and safer sex.

5) Are there any dos and don'ts that single, dating women should know?

Do keep busy with your friends and interests. A woman who hangs around waiting for a man to phone is a very unattractive woman. To look for fun and friendship are rather them than love of your life because that may give the message that you desperate. Do give men a chance that you may not normally give a chance to because of something like they're the wrong height or age - such romantic check-list rules write-off good men.