Dr Pam Spurr

Seven Ways to His Heart You Probably Haven't Thought Of!

Seven Ways to His Heart That You Probably Haven't Thought Of!

Let me help you take him to the next level

I've coached many women who were dating "semi-reluctant" men with commitment-phobe tendencies. What's frustrating is the fact that the men concerned are obviously smitten with the women. However it's usually one little personality quirk on their part or doubt that holds them back from committing fully.

If this happens to be the case with you then no fear as help is at hand! Here are my seven select and quirky ways to his heart and that'll help him down the road of commitment.

1/ Find Your Inner Tomboy

Yes, it's wonderful to be all feminine wearing your best frocks when you go out on dates and making sure your make-up is perfect. Men love this about women - being with an attractive woman not only is appealing to him, but it reflects well on him, too. And men and women are attracted to each other because of our differences - as in the way we look. However he'll love it if you show him your "inner tomboy" on occasion and muck in and get your hands dirty rather than squealing with disgust when, say, a tire needs changing. Give him a hand instead!

2/ A Little Distance

No matter how in love you are it's off-putting being with someone who wants to stick to your side 24/7. It's lovely being a cosy couple and men enjoy closeness as much as women. But definitely give him a chance to miss the wonderful you by taking the occasional weekend away with your girlfriends or to visit your parents. The key to this ploy is to make sure the couple days or nights running up to when you go away for the weekend are absolutely fabulous. You'll leave him wanting more of you!

3/ Ch-ch-ch-changes

Being a bit of a chameleon when it comes to things about yourself will keep him entranced and deepen his interest. For example take your hair and make-up - we assume men don't notice changes but some research indicates they do - they simply may not mention it. Don't tell him if you're going to make little changes like altering your hair colour or going for a new style in what you wear. Simply go ahead and make the changes that will prick his subconscious telling him that you're an interesting, ever-changing woman.

4/ The Success Of Surprise

Although we need some amount of routine to our lives to make sure we meet our various responsibilities, it's important to show him that life with you wouldn't be dull as dishwater. Many women make the mistake of thinking that he has to furnish the surprises in their relationship - particularly of the romantic type. Reverse the tables and get thinking of some surprises to do for him. Maybe book tickets to that concert or racing event he wants to see or buy him something thoughtful out-of-the-blue rather than waiting for his birthday. Take him on a magical mystery tour where you drive him, or get the train tickets, to a wonderful part of the countryside to enjoy a picnic. And if money is a problem surprise can be cheap - like him arriving at your flat to find a candle-lit picnic on your sitting room floor.

5/ The Feel-Good Factor

Although men are notorious "shed dwellers" when stressed at work or faced with other problems, show him how good he can feel round you. The trick is your timing and reactions. If he arrives home, or you meet up and he's stressed, don't badger him with 50 questions assuming that talking about it will make him feel better. Men hate that and almost expect women to react like that. Instead show him how you'll respect his wish for, say, a quiet drink until he feels like opening up. It might make you feel good to gabble away about the stresses of your day but you need to respect what makes him feel good about certain things. Neither of your ways of doing things is better then the other - but by creating a feel-good factor for him you'll strengthen your bond.

6/ Musical Genius
Ever more research confirms the power of music in everything from mood to concentration, to attract or repel us, and to calm or excite us. Be wise in the way you use music around him. Everyone has different musical tastes - the key is not to rub his nose in your tastes if they differ from his. Instead get to know his tastes and use this knowledge to good effect. For example, if he likes driving to a particular type of music because it makes him feel good and energetic then play that when you're hoping for a light-hearted and fun evening. If you know he have a 'guilty pleasure' and loves a certain ballad singer, play that music while you share dinner. If he mentions a certain band connects him to his youth, play them when you know he's stressed to elicit happy memories. He may not be able to put his finger on it but he'll feel emotionally connected to you through this ploy.

7/ Seventh Heaven

Cooking is definitely one way to a man's heart - but one of the other main ways is through sensuality. Devise some wonderful "sensual signature" technique of your own that you know he'll love. It may be a certain way you caress or kiss him. But experiment a little and listen to the sighs/sounds he makes - the sighs let you know he's enjoying some particular technique. Make that one your own signature one. Then make sure you do this to him regularly leaving him feeling he can't get enough of you.

Published in The Express newspaper