Dr Pam Spurr

Why He Doesn't Ring When He Says He Will...

Why He Doesn't Ring When He Says He Will...You'd think some things had disappeared with the Arc like what I’ve dubbed Phone-you Phobia. Where a man appears to have good intentions when saying he’ll ring after a seemingly good date. Yes, adolescent males as they skulk off may secretly breathe a sigh of relief that they don't have to make the promised call. But who expects much from them? Sadly I’ve found Phone-you Phobia still lurks where least expected.

I had to sigh quietly when a client recounted her recent dating experience. Jessie, 29 had what she thought a lovely first date with George, 31, a fellow legal professional. They’d arranged to have drinks and hit it off so well he suggested going on for dinner (remember that detail - he wanted to continue the evening!). Later they shared a pleasant kiss and he uttered the immortal words that put a smile on her face: I'll ring you.

Three weeks and no call and she wonders what she did wrong. I felt for Jessie as she was absolutely lovely. The audacity of the man not only letting Jessie down leaving her with fairly typical feelings that "it must be me” but undoubtedly embarrassing the friends that introduced them in the first place thinking it a good idea.

And he was a professional! Doesn't he have to deal with tricky situations at work? Obviously nothing as tricky as the fear that it might go all wrong. Or be somehow too unbearable to ring someone to say you won't be getting together. How pathetic!

You might argue that after a first date no one is owed that. But then don't go saying you're going to ring if you don't mean it! Is it impossible to simply say you've had a nice time and leave it at that? If you've experienced this phobia of the phone-you type please put it down to him. When you start blaming yourself you let his bad behaviour off the hook.

A similar article was published in The Times