Dr Pam Spurr

A Few Thoughts on Broken Hearts

A Few Thoughts on Broken Hearts

You've been dumped and happiness seems a distant memory.

GET HAPPY:

Here's a short-term fix to cheer you up, step-by-step.

1. Relationships are about compromise. That means we all give something up when we're in one.

A/ Think about what you gave up for your ex - maybe you stopped seeing a certain group of friends because he didn't like them, or perhaps you gave up salsa dancing because he had two left feet.

B/ Now's the time to reconnect with those things you've been missing out on.

C/ Start up your dance classes again or get together with those old friends.

D/ Not only will you enjoy doing these things (a positive in itself) but they'll remind you, you were a whole person with your own interests before you met your ex.

STAY HAPPY:

Here's the longer-term way to stay happy, step-by-step.

1. We should all learn from past relationships. For your long term emotional well-being after the heartbreak you should actually grow as a woman. There's nothing worse than coming across someone who is in a "negative relationship cycle" where they have repeated, and similar, unhappy experiences in relationship after relationship. They've learnt nothing!

A/ The best thing you can do is flag up to yourself what was the most important "love lesson" from your ex-relationship.

B/ For example, did you two finish it because you repeatedly rowed about the same things? This means your way of arguing did not work!

C/ Think back to the way you used to argue. Play it like a film through your head. If you were looking at a friend arguing like this, what would you ask her to change?

The next time you're in a confrontational situation whether at work, within your family or in your next relationship remember to try new ways of communicating. Hopefully your next relationship will be that much better!