Dr Pam Spurr

Dating tips for WOMEN - What to Do When Things Go Wrong

What to Do When Things Go Wrong –

Let's face it there are lots of things that can go wrong on a date. You two are both human with your own unique quirks, your likes and dislikes, and two sets of expectations that might be hugely different. Just because when you first scoped each other out you liked what you saw, doesn't mean when you get down to the first date it’s going to continue that way.

How to get out of a nightmare date –

Mobile SOS: in all honesty it's a good idea to have a friend either text or ring you at some point during a first date. 30 or 45 minutes in is probably the best timing. The purpose of this is to give you an out-clause if you're having a really bad time. If they text you can read it and preplan an excuse about having to cut them short. Ditto if they ring you, they'll have an idea from what you're saying you want an excuse to leave.

You might think this is a bit sneaky and that honesty is better, like saying, "this is really working why don't we cut our losses?" The problem with this is if he’s a complete stranger you don't know if he'll react in an offended or angry way.

If you feel you've got his measure and think some tactful and reasonably honest approach is better way to get out of the date then keep it simple. All you have to say is something like, "It's been nice to chat but I think I'll call it a night." He'll get the message.

The wise woman only meets for a drink or coffee for the first date anyway. If you two are having an amazing time you can always go on for more drinks or dinner.

He’s keener then you –

You've stuck it through the whole first date but you really haven’t enjoyed it. He then asks you to meet up again. This calls for real skill because if you let him down to gently he'll think there is a chance. If you’re too rude you could scar him for life. You can either go down the route of "this has been lovely but I'm so busy right now” or, "that's nice of you to ask but I'm going to have to say no." If he persists you can get blunter by saying you “simply didn't have a lot in common”. You don't owe him any more than that!

Savaging a potentially good thing -

Many of us experience a sort of ‘dating halfway house’ where you're not quite sure you want to see him again. Let him know you're keen to meet up again but don't overdo the flirting. He should get the message that it’s a "maybe she fancies me but hasn't made up her mind" scenario. Hopefully if he feels the same way then you can give each other a second chance.

Or if something embarrassing has happened on the date and you’re both a bit flustered then you might be able to salvage things. Try to laugh whatever it is off and be straight with him - tell him that you'd love to meet up again and hope things will go as smoothly.

Is he worth seeing again?

There are a few critical indicators to help you decide whether he's worth seeing again.

How did you feel around him? If you felt good in his company, relaxed and as if you could be yourself then he's definitely worth seeing again. But if you didn't feel that way you've got to wonder why he didn't make you feel good in his company. So many times women confide in me that they didn't feel very good around a guy but still feel they should see him again. Why waste your time? Usually the answer’s because they don't have high enough self-esteem and so don't expect better treatment when out with someone.

Did he treat you the way you like to be treated? Was he kind and nice to be around or was he a bit arrogant and full of himself. If you felt he was behaving well and not trying to show off to much then that’s a good indicator that he didn't have feel he had to prove himself in any way. But if it seemed like he had to prove himself all the time then he may quite hard to handle. You have to ask yourself if you want to find out.

Was he terribly nervous? Did any ‘bad’ or ‘slightly bad’ feeling come from the fact that he was very nervous? The poor chap probably deserves a second chance in that case. We forget that dating-nerves often get the better of men just like they do with us. He probably just needs a little encouragement and a confidence boost. Give it another go and see if he calms down the next time you’re together.

Published on MSN.co.uk