Dr Pam Spurr

Beware - the problems with Internet dating!

Beware - the problems with Internet dating! 

Internet dating can be incredibly successful but there are some pitfalls and here I answer a few questions about those.

What problems have you come across in the realm of Internet dating- ie, vulnerable people being taken advantage of, stalkers, attacks, harrassment?

"I've come across far too many cases of Internet dating gone wrong where women in particular have made themselves vulnerable to being conned by unscrupulous man. A man who's determined to take advantage of a woman, perhaps for sex or sometimes for money, knows that women looking-for-love could well be an easy target. They’re right of course, because most people who genuinely want to date and hope to find a relationship, wear their heart on the sleeve.

Another very dodgy side of internet dating are cases where it's easy to start harassing someone that's, e.g., met a person for one date and decided not see them again. That person has their Email and their phone number in such cases and may use those methods to harass them. Because people still feel slightly embarrassed about using the Internet to find love, they’re often loath to report such harassment and try to deal with it on their own. All such harassment should be reported!"

Are there other downsides- ie, people lying about their age/appearance?

"Another common problem area of Internet dating is that people fail to look at photographs or details that’ve been posted with a pinch of salt. I hear repeated complaints along the lines of, "He was 10 years older than his photo," and, "She'd put on two stone since her photo was taken!” Or complaints like, "She didn’t include the fact she had three children!" When traditional dating agencies were more popular someone couldn't get away with, e.g., posting an old photograph or failing to say how many children they had. Unfortunately the people who post misleading photos and details always hope they can "charm" the person into accepting the fact they’re older or heavier once they meet up face-to-face.

At another level some the most disappointing Internet dating experiences I've been to told are those where people have struck up a flirtation when at either end of the country. They spend weeks and months E-mailing and then ringing each other but when they finally meet up there's no personal chemistry in the flesh. These are people who have spent months building up huge expectations and passing up chances to date someone close at hand because of their Internet "love".  Who turns out to be nothing of the such.”

Have you heard any nightmare stories about internet dates gone wrong/people who lied about themselves/multi-daters stringing women along/nutters using it to meet women..?

"I've heard of isolated cases of serious stalking and harassment and cases of a married man who stringing women along. Thankfully the serious cases are more isolated but everyone needs to be cautious when dating on the internet."