Dr Pam Spurr

Suspect He's Cheating?

Suspect He's Cheating?

It's easy to get paranoid when your partner starts behaving differently, e.g., his work hours change or he's not as affectionate. But before jumping begun try these:

* Suggest carving out a little more "only-you-two” time. Don't make a big deal of it, in a negative way. Instead make it a positive thing for you two to simply share a bit more. 

* Don't ask him what he's feeling - instead ask him what he's thinking. Men can get a bit freaked out with too much talk of "feelings". What he's thinking about is a different matter. You might find he's got worries about his boss or something else that’s simply getting in the way of relating to you.

* In a general conversation about "other people's lives" raise the issue of someone you know who's been caught out cheating or been cheated on. Make it a general part of a conversation. Gauge his feelings about the issue.

* Look at your own insecurity! Do you need to boost your confidence and your feelings about how "lovable" you are? Don't let insecurity cloud your relationship.

* There's nothing wrong with being aware of what's going on in the rest of his life as relationships need to be protected. But that doesn't give you carte blanch to check his mobile and e-mails! Instead you should be interested in him - and your lives together - and enhance everything you've got.

* Finally if your suspicions grow it's important to sit him down and talk honestly. You can try to trick him into saying something but simply being straightforward will rile a cheater!