Dr Pam Spurr

The Fabulous Flirt Guide

The Fabulous Flirt Guide

Here are some top tips

A little bit of flirting goes a long way to making the person you're flirting with feel fantastic. But most people believe there’s a great deal of skill to being a fab flirt. Nothing could be further from the truth - anyone can master this art of getting that special person's attention.

I've coined the term Positive Flirt Approaches, or PFAs - these lay the groundwork for attracting someone. Use My Ten Top PFA’s To Become A Fabulous Flirt:

PFA Tip No. 1: It's all about feeling good!

What's the point of flirting? To make someone feel good and want to come back for more! Flirting is a non-physical form of sensuality. It hints at something "more" but doesn't give it. Begin with good eye-contact across a room à la the late Princess Diana who was a fabulous flirt. Dip your chin slightly, looking out from under your eyelashes. Hold that look for two seconds - more than a quick glance. Then look away, and then look back again at them - the "double glance" signals you find them interesting.

PFA Tip No. 2: It's in your body language!

Flirtatious body language is clever, Not OTT, giving skilful signals. Utilise an attractive ‘S’ shape where you allow your posture to create a flowing shape rather than being dead upright. Imagine you've spotted someone at a party - you can face them and slightly dip one hip so the other raises by bending one knee and leaving the other leg straight. Or create flirtatious body language by not facing straight onwards to them and allowing your shoulders to swing slightly towards them. Practice creating sensual body posture that attracts attention.

PFA Tip No. 3: Flash that smile!

It’s never flirtatious to look nervous/anxious. Instead flash a welcoming smile to that person you'd like to meet. Don't hesitate, smile, pause for a moment, then look away again. Smiling - and staring - can be too aggressive and a turn-off.

PFA Tip No. 4: You don't need chat-up lines!

A fab flirt never uses chat-up lines. They’re off-putting, and unless you have the timing of a stand-up comedian, the joke’s on you. Instead keep initial conversation simple, fun and flirty. Ask what brought them there, how they know the host, and remark on things like "it being the perfect evening for a drinks party". Research shows that planting positive words like "perfect" in your conversation is a subconscious stimulus for them to like you. It sounds old-fashioned but laughing when they crack a joke plus relaxed and sensual body language, gives them a flirtatious message.

PFA Tip No. 5: Focus the spotlight on them!

A surefire way to fire-up some flirtatious chemistry is to ask them about themselves. You’ll seem more interesting to them, if you act interested in them. It doesn't have to be "20 questions" as that appears too desperate. But asking what they thought of the latest blockbuster or the type of music they like, etc., signals your interest.

PFA Tip No. 6: Be aware of the no-no's!

There are definite ways to stop flirting in its tracks including fidgeting and nervous movements that signal you lack confidence. An aura of confidence is attractive! Avoid excessively loud, aggressive, showing-off behaviour with your friends - very offputting. Don't close down your body-language due to nerves so avoid crossing your legs tightly, crossing your arms over your chest, etc. Also over-confident body-language including too much preening is quite threatening.

PFA Tip No. 7: Create your comfort zone!

Once you've got their attention, had a phone call or two, or are getting together, be aware of the "comfort zone" you create. I coined the term many years ago to make people aware of how others feel in their presence. That new person should feel desirable, comfortable, and that they've your full attention. A fab flirt doesn't allow their attention to wander - particularly to look at other people! One trick to enhance your comfort zone is to arrive on a date feeling calm rather than stressed.

PFA Tip No. 8: Bridge the gap!

The next stage of flirting is to bridge the gap in your personal spaces. Use the "bridging" technique - when they’re speaking lean towards them and lightly touch their forearm or knee with your fingertips. This clearly signals attraction.

PFA Tip No. 9: Widen your circle of opportunities!

If you go to the same places, you meet the same people. Increase your chances for flirting by going to new interest/hobby groups, singles evenings, and even shop in a different supermarkets!

PFA Tip No. 10: Taking and making opportunities!

Finally, enhance your chances of attracting someone by making and taking opportunities. Be ready for spontaneous encounters - in a lift at work, at a conference, in a pub, etc. Be aware of who's around you so you don’t walk right past people you might find attractive. Maintain a relaxed attitude and be ready with an easy smile. Also become a "yes" person, saying Yes to every opportunity as they arise. A simple smile in the lift at work may end up in a flirty conversation and more.

Published in The Express Newspaper