Dr Pam Spurr

When He Pays Too Much Attention to TV, Computer Games or gadgets!

When He Pays Too Much Attention to TV, Computer Games or gadgets! Fun ways to get his attention back!

"There are some very obvious ploys you can try to drag him away from his boy-toys like saying to him, "let me show you some of the moves I learnt at that pole dancing class!" But this’ll only grab his attention for the moment and not exact permanent change. And do you want to end up pole-dancing for him every night? That's a career not a relationship!

Or you could suddenly decide to shower as he gets his PlayStation out. And then cross between him and the TV set, with your towel barely covering your breasts, "innocently" looking for your comb. But again, this is only a temporary measure and not a permanent solution to finding balance in how much time he spends on his boy-toys and how much time with you.

Re-training your man to focus on the important stuff - you! - is a bit like training a Pavlovian dog. Pavlov was the Russian scientist who found you have to reward good behaviour in dogs to get them to obey you. It's about the same with men!

Follow these tips for re-claiming his attention:

ü  Completely ignore him when he's involved in his boy-toy or interest like football.

ü  As soon as he looks up from his boy-toy or interest, speaks to you, or moves away from it, that's the time to smile and give him a hug.

ü  By ignoring the behaviour you don't want him to do and rewarding the behaviour you do want from him you'll affect his choices subconsciously. He’ll not even know it's happening but he'll know he feels good when he moves away from his boy-toy or interest and is engaging with you.

ü  Next dream up some compromise activities that you both enjoy and slot these into your diary. When you're doing these things keep it light, fun, and flirty so again he thinks how wonderful it is to share things with you.

ü  When discussing with him finding a balance in how you to spend your time together always ask him what he "thinks". Or ask him what his "opinion" is. Guys who have loads of boy-toys or interests feel threatened when you start asking him how he's "feeling". Such a careful choice of words in your conversation will get you a lot further with him.

Finally, don't forget there are certain things you never want interrupted like when you're doing your nails, shaving your legs, or catching up with your best pal. So accept he's also got his own things that he likes to do. Some of these are obviously more important to him than others. If you constantly try to get him to give up watching his favourite footie team you’re going to get nowhere. Why be needy anyway? Do your own thing when he's doing his and then when you two are together, concentrating on each other, it's going to be so much better. If you try these little steps, as well as the pole dancing ploy, and he still doesn't want to spend much time with you, face the facts: you two may simply not be made for each other.