Dr Pam Spurr

Never Under-estimate a GSOH...

Never Under-estimate a GSOH...I know from personal experience how important a good sense of humour is to a long-term relationship. My husband is a naturally funny man - he first attracted me in part with it - and his humour has seen us through the strains that are inevitable in life.

Self-deprecation in particular has been shown to be an attractive trait in recent research. One client, Issie, 38 consulted me about her lack of confidence. She took the little knocks of life harder than most and feared her new boyfriend Sam, 36, would go off her as he exuded confidence and had a wonderful gift with humour.

Sam would cajole her with the funny side when she had one of her confidence blips, say, about a work issue. He'd always find a tale of how he'd done something for worse than whatever troubled her. Issie's fear? Sam could laugh her straight into a better mood but she worried that was hard work for him.

I've seen such concern fairly frequently. And it’s right for a partner to be aware that they don't always expect the funnier partner to be like a court jester - forever entertaining them when they need a boost. That role could potentially become a burden rather than a pleasure.

Issie needed to learn to stop catastrophising every little hiatus and focus on how many things were so right for her - including Sam. Cognitive strategies helped her to acknowledge all the good in her life and to look for another side to issues apart from the worst side. Not necessarily the funny side, but what can be learned from hurdles and how she gained confidence with her successes.

This changed the way she related to Sam for the better. Issie now thoroughly enjoyed his sense of humour. But now it was more about being laughed in to bed (what fun!) then being laughed out of a bad mood.

A similar article was published in The Times