Dr Pam Spurr

Dating tips for WOMEN - Love at First Sight

Get the Lowdown on Love at First Sight –

Many people claim that love at first sight simply isn't possible and say that if you believe in it you're buying into a fairy tale. What I say is that ‘lust’ and ‘potential love at first sight’ is definitely possible! I know this because we can tell if we’re immediately attracted to someone through their physical looks. And also at the deeper level of being attracted to use someone's personality, our unconscious minds literally start giving off loads of information about us and our backgrounds to each other.

In one evening you can learn so much about someone - what their family life was partly like, what sort of personality they have and whether you to have the chance and a relationship. Yes, a lot of this might be guesswork but it's based on lots of information you're picking up at an unconscious level as well as all the things you're telling each other. The sort of things that definitely make you think, "Yes, we’d really get along!" Or not as the case may be.

Where do the problems start?

I know where the main problem starts when someone thinks they're in love at first sight and then finds out a couple weeks later that they don't feel love. It’s when you decide to kid yourself at the beginning about things he does or says that perhaps don't tally with what you're looking for but you choose at least an unconscious level to ignore them. As time goes by you can't ignore these things/differences any longer.

Lust at first sight?

There's definitely lust at first sight where you two share an immediate sexual chemistry which means you might ignore other things about him. And just because you two might experience fireworks in bed it doesn't mean you two would share the good things that make it real love and turn it into a relationship.

Let's face it the sexual chemistry we experience developed to make sure the human species survived. If we can feel strong sexual attraction we wouldn't reproduce. Of course we've come a long way from our ancient ancestors and we expect a lot more from relationship. But we can't deny that sexual chemistry often exists where love wouldn't necessarily develop.

Take your time –

Considering these things it's best to take your time before acting on your sexual chemistry if you want more than sex from him. If you leap into bed when you think you might love him - and you're looking for a relationship - but he's only looking for sex, then you may be very hurt.

Can you spot Mr. Right from afar when out on the pull?

You have a definite chance of spotting your Mr Right when out on the pull. That's because if you have that initial, powerful attraction then you're willing to find out a bit about him. And because we can tell things about his personality from, say, the way he stands - like he's naturally confident or he's naturally the joker of his group - we know whether or not we like that sort of personality.

Also because we pick up information about him so quickly, that although we might end up wrong by thinking he's someone we could fall for - when we don't end up falling for him - chances are we might be right. And he maybe our Mr Right.

How long does it take once you've met him to know if he might be 'the one'?

Look out for the ‘Rule of Three' - something I identified through speaking to thousands of people as an agony aunt on radio. The ‘Rule of Three' involves three crucial hurdles in a young relationship.

The 3^rd date - the 3^rd date is the first make or break hurdle for the way you feel about him. This is when the immediate sexual and physical attraction is likely to wear off if things aren't going to go further between you.

The 3rd week - if you make it through the first few dates and still like him, the next hurdle is after about three weeks when he starts to reveal any annoying habits or weird quirks that put you off. This is a key time for break-ups.

The 3rd month - after about three months of dating him that's when you start to think about things like would you ever want to move in with him, would you want to have his babies, would you marry him, etc. It's also the time you two start talking about more serious things. And those are the sort of things that can break you. At this stage you may really be thinking he's the one if you’ve  spent a fair amount of time together and his quirks and habits don't bother you - and yours don't bother him!

Published on MSN.co.uk