Dr Pam Spurr

Whirlwind Weddings – Too Much, Too Soon!

Whirlwind Weddings – Too Much, Too Soon! Are we surprised that Katie Price decided to latch onto Celebrity Big Brother winner Alex Reid in a whirlwind wedding in Las Vegas a few weeks back? Not really, because Katie’s a celebrity who never does things by half. But putting our cynicism aside about her motives - like endless magazine deals she might get out of this new marriage - why do people make such apparently rash decisions?

The Celebrity Factor –

 When it comes to celebrity whirlwind weddings there are usually a few key factors at play. First off there’s "planet celeb" where things move much quicker than for most of us. With 24/7 media coverage in celebrity programmes, and celebrity magazines that need filling there are now paparazzi everywhere – including ordinary folk who snap a celeb on their mobile and sell the pic straight on to a tabloid. This has added pressure to celebrities to keep their profile up so they aren't forgotten in the scrum.  what better way than a chemistry-fuelled - and quick romance - that ends up in a wedding in a matter of months to get loads of coverage?

Then There's the Much-Needed TLC –

With many celebs living out of suitcases as they promote their latest CD, film, book, etc., many are struck by enormous loneliness. When they start dating someone it fills that gap so quickly that the pace of a normal relationship speeds right up. I have a feeling that loneliness and feeling lost was underneath Britney Spears marrying her childhood pal Jason Alexander a few years back - that was quite a whirlwind! Perhaps Katie Price hated those long and lonely January nights when Alex Reid was proving himself to be a nice guy in the house.

The Ego Has Landed-

We mustn't forget that behind every great celebrity is a very big ego! And that ego needs feeding. You've got to remember that unlike our lives, celebrities are continually pampered and told how wonderful they are, how beautiful they are, and have every whim fulfilled. But the more your ego is ‘fed ‘like that, the more you need - and when another person comes along who’s prepared to give you loads attention and instant love - the average celebrity ego grabs it.

And there have been many such celebrity whirlwind weddings including Renee Zellweger’s marriage to country star Kenny Chesney, Julia Roberts’ marriage to country crooner Lyle Lovett and Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley. None of these marriages lasted long needless to say!

When Non-Celebrities Get Caught up in the Whirlwind -

But when it comes to the rest of us who live in the real world, what goes on with whirlwind weddings? In my work I've met a fair few people who have done this - met and married within six months - and the majority make one classic mistake. They believe the lust and chemistry they feel in that first six months honeymoon phase (that we all go through) is the real thing. They think it's true and deep love. Whereas many of us are a little more cautious.

They haven't been together long enough to realize - or have even seen - the potential differences between them.  Sure, they may have noticed some irritating little habits within six months, but the big issues like getting on with each other's families, where to live, how to spend money, etc., haven't actually surfaced much. So they build a marriage on a very fragile foundation.

How To Make It Work-

If you met and married quickly (or even just moved in together quickly) here are a few top tips to give you the best shot:

Start slowing things down now and take things a step at a time. You might now be feeling panicky but don't dump the relationship without taking a breath and calming down.

Take the pressure off yourselves and stop thinking in terms of "forever after" and start thinking day by day to help reduce your panic more.

Get creative, "date again", and actually get to know each other properly.

Don't pick ridiculous fights to give you an excuse to get out (something I've seen in my working life). You were attracted to them in the first place and it's worth giving it a shot and communicating properly over issues.

Because you didn't have the chance to develop real communication with each other, take time to express yourselves. Don't interrupt them and really listen so you actually learn how, this "stranger" you've married, ticks.

Be open-minded about the differences between you that you’re starting to uncover. Remember you simply ‘fast forwarded’ what takes other couples longer to find out. Because they also find out they have differences, but they've developed a stronger foundation usually to deal with them.

Don't make rash decisions to jump ship without trying every avenue to make it work. I've known some very successful whirlwind weddings and relationships that got over their initial hurdles.

A similar article was published on iVillage.co.uk