Dr Pam Spurr

Passion Fatigue...

Passion Fatigue...Has a lover’s passion ever bored, overwhelmed or perhaps smothered you? A client, Louis, 45, was drawn to Susan, 43, [all personal details changed] a woman passionate about life. She was also passionate in bed and initially he loved her sense of adventure. However dark clouds threatened after a year together and reservations surfaced.

Louis couldn't quite put his finger on what was wrong in their relationship. "Wouldn't any man be thankful to have such a livewire," he asked himself. Was there something wrong with him? He felt a touch paranoid that maybe he was a stick-in-the-mud, and she'd eventually find him dull in equal measure to how he found her too much.

Through discussion Louis’s paranoia was quashed - he realised he wasn't ready for a pipe-and-slippers lifestyle. So I put it to him that he'd developed passion fatigue. That didn't mean he was ready to give up living life - far from it! I suggested maybe it was Susan who needed to rethink living life in the fast lane at all times.

Passion, after all, can be exhausting. You must ask whether that passionate partner is perhaps trying to prove something to you or them self? Or if you need to find compromise about how you relate together?

Louis loved much about Susan and chose his time to make a point. After another fast-paced weekend of passionate sex, brunch, shopping, supper with friends, and a Sunday gallery visit, Louis said No to Sunday evening drinks preferring to enjoy the papers. She protested but he stood his ground saying they never had any quiet, contemplative time together.

He felt a rounded relationship included this and wanted her to commit to this. Although it wasn't the smoothest path and Susan had a few strops along the way (well, what would you expect from her?) they managed to negotiate a more balanced relationship. Susan eventually recognised too much passion can in fact become a passion-killer.

An edited version of this was published in The Times