Dr Pam Spurr

What's the real meaning behind his Valentine's gift to you?

What's The Real Meaning Behind Their Valentine's Gift To You?

 Here's the low-down on the secret signs and signals their present gives!

So you've received a Valentine's gift and either you’re quite pleased with it or quite frankly you expected something else. Your personal delight - or disappointment - may not be the only thing at stake here. Because is a box of chocolates just a box of something delicious? And is a piece of jewellery merely something shiny and gold? 

Whether or not you like their gift, their choice contains a hidden meaning. Your new boyfriend, girlfriend, or long-term lover is actually saying something about the state of your relationship. Or at least their view of it! Because when we buy a present for a lover we don't just give a present, we also give a subconscious message about our feelings and intentions along with it.

Here's my guide to the most popular gifts that both men and women give – and what they reveal about the gift-giver.

THE GIFT:

Jewellery - Your lover wants to make a big statement and get your attention. Giving jewellery is a real gesture of commitment and signals they look at the relationship as a long-term thing. No one gives jewellery if they're not serious about their partner (or seriously loaded!). Often it signals a turning point in a relationship - moving to the next level at least in their eyes.

Key Romantic/Relationship Signal - They take relationships seriously, will be open about this, and also consider things carefully.

The Exception - On the other hand if it's too flashy (and expensive) or trashy (and cheap) the underlying message can mean something else. The flashy gift signals he/she might feel insecure in the relationship and wants to hang on to you. By giving you expensive jewellery they hope you'll see how serious they are because they're worried you may care less about them than they do about you. Alternatively they might want to make you feel indebted to them so you don't leave them even if you'd been thinking about it. 

If it's cheap jewellery then it signals they're not really bothered about you and not prepared to put in much effort with you. It may also mean they're not a genuine sort of person.

THE GIFT:

Chocolates - Your lover is an old-fashioned type who longs for a traditional relationship. What they lack in the imagination department they may well make up for by being reliable, considerate of your feelings and kind-hearted. Giving you chocolates signals that your relationship will go smoothly and be satisfying unless you crave more of a roller-coaster. The chocolate-giver might be a bit boring for you in that case.

Key Romantic-Relationship Signal – Reliable, caring lover that probably won't come up with interesting surprises. If you like a smooth ride and want to be able to count on someone this is your person.

The Exception - By giving chocolates there's the possibility of another message - a sexy one! They might want to hand feed them to you or melt them so they can smear them all over your body for some oral pleasure. This signals that they’re not only traditional but creative too - a brilliant combination!



THE GIFT:

Sexy underwear/clothes – A daring, fun, and sensuous partner - or one who'd like to be. This doesn't mean they won't take a relationship seriously as they will do if it's proven to have staying power over the long run. But in short term relationships they’re after a "good time". The message they're giving you is loud and clear - they want to spice things up. Or if you're already enjoying a sensational sex life together they simply want more! No one gives sexy underwear unless they're interested in the sexual side of things. Don't take this as a negative message if your sex life has been a bit dull or "on hold" recently. Instead take the message in the positive spirit it's probably intended.

Key Romantic-Relationship Signal – The fun lover who rates physical connection highly and likes sex with you and/or they want more! They might be better at expressing themselves with actions than words.

The Exception - Another consideration, though, is if this is a brand new relationship. In this case beware of the message this gift signals as they think they can rush you into bed - or believe you’re giving them the message that you want to. Don't be rushed.

THE GIFT:

CDs/DVDs – This lover likes to connect at an emotional level. They will be sensitive and perhaps insecure as well. They may even be quite demanding of you emotionally. By giving you this choice of gift their underlying message is one of emotional connection and enjoyment in the relationship. They believe that you two share common interests and they’ve signalled that they feel relaxed in your company. But they also signal that they might find it easier to tell you things through creative gestures rather than with words.

Key Romantic-Relationship Signal - Good long-term bet if you're on the same wavelength. They don't like to mess around with relationships. Very committed and they want to show you this.

The Exception - Watch out if they've chosen a CD or DVD that you really don’t like and you surprised they've made this choice. This signals they’re self-absorbed on top of their emotional and sensitive side - a tricky combination.

THE GIFT:

Perfume/aftershave – This person has a sophisticated view of relationships but is not very creative. They believe relationships should be serious but also pleasurable. They'd like to smooth things over quickly, though, if your relationship hits troubled waters. This choice signals that they might be a bit reserved when it comes to romance but they have confidence in your love. Think about the specific choice of perfume or aftershave – does it have a name like Obsession? A real giveaway that they are completely in to you.

Key Romantic-Relationship Signal - They have a fair amount of relationship wisdom and although they might enjoy the finer things in life they may be quite conservative when it comes to relationships. They signal that they want you to be a full part of their life.

The Exception - If they've given you an inappropriate fragrance (e.g., you're 20 and it's aimed at middle-aged women) this signals they may not be too bothered about your relationship and have lost sight of what you mean to them.

THE GIFT:

Cuddly toys – The person that gives cuddly toys is giving a loud and clear message. They probably put you on a pedestal and might have rather childish views of how "perfect" a relationship should be. A big softie that’ll have their feelings hurt quite easily as a well as wearing their heart on their sleeve. They won't play games with you because they find game-playing impossible to do - not a manipulative bone in their body. 

Key Romantic-Relationship Signal - Has the potential to worship and adore you - depending on you what you want this may or may not appeal to you.

The Exception - Someone who wants to dominate you and put you in a more infantile role in terms of the power in your relationship will give gifts like cuddly toys. The message is that they see you as someone who can be controlled.

THE GIFT:

If he gives you flowers… 

If he's used his imagination in the choice of flowers then he's a real romantic at heart. This signals he adores you and will want to make everything perfect. He's probably a gentle sort of lover. The stumbling block is he may see things through rose-coloured spectacles and may find problems hard to deal with. Conflict and confrontation are not things he handles well. If he buys you the obligatory - and standard - red roses it still signals he's a romantic man and an old fashioned one to boot. He'll need some guidance in the bedroom!

And Finally - The Six Gifts You Should Be Wary Of If You Receive Them! Because they may spell doom and gloom for your relationship.

* They give you a pet that you haven't asked for. Very thoughtless showing that they're oblivious to your life and how busy it might be. Not to mention the amount of money you have to spend on vaccinations and food.

* They name a star, plant a tree, or adopt an animal in your name. Truly an incurable romantic that will become annoying and irritating very quickly. Being in love to them means been totally in your pocket 24/7.

* They buy you tickets to something they love doing and know you don't. For example, to go see their football team. The sign of an incredibly selfish partner can only looks at a gift for what they can get had of it.

* They give you a domestic item of any type - a kettle, an iron, a blender, etc., without a proper present as well. This shows a complete lack of imagination and they only see you - supposedly their lover - as a domestic drudge.

* They buy you a cheap and nasty vibrator like the old-fashioned orange plastic, phallic shaped ones that make a very loud buzzing action. I'm afraid that disappointment in the bedroom is waiting for you. They can’t be bothered to look for something really sexy.

* Anything that smacks of petrol station forecourts - really naff flowers, a really cheap chocolates, a tacky coffee mug, etc. They will be hopeless at any sort of romance and are obviously cheapskates.