Dr Pam Spurr

The Best Dating Tips Ever...

To Ensure You Find Love &Romance!

You're in good company if you're feeling sad about being single and not having someone special to share your life with. According to the Office of National Statistics there are now more singles than ever.

But you can arm yourself with the knowledge that’s guaranteed to improve your chances of finding love by following my crucial ‘dos and don'ts’ guide. Otherwise, you might just find the competition snaps up that single person you've had your eye on.

The Dos:

1/ Do believe this is a challenge like any other!

How do you face a challenge of any type? I'm sure you plan steps to help you meet it. It's no different when finding love. If you think finding love is all about "luck" or that it "just happens" you're wrong.  But if you change your mindset, and think of it like a proper challenge, then you can begin defining this challenge and how best to meet it.

2/ Do make a step-by-step plan!

Now that you accept you’re going to treat finding love like any other challenge, start planning your steps. The first step is accepting that where you've been looking for love hasn't been fruitful - so you need to generate new ideas of where to go and what you should do. The next step would be to plan at least weekly visits to new places to optimise your chances of meeting someone.

3/ Do define and develop your dating ‘brand’!

Of course you're much more than a ‘product’ to be ‘marketed’ but it helps you get what you want if you think about the ‘brand’ or ‘image’ you project. If you want love and marriage but always go out dressed for nightclubbing, then you're image is just plain wrong. Plan your wardrobe and your look to give off the right signals for your dating brand.

4/ Do be ready for a spontaneous encounters!

Where luck does enter into dating is with spontaneous encounters. Be ready at a moment's notice to switch on a friendly smile when, say, an attractive person gets in the lift with you at work. Being ready to act spontaneously is an art. It includes not swanning down to the local shops in your tatty, old tracksuit but wearing something presentable in case you bump into an attractive single who's moved into your neighbourhood.

5/ Do visualize your final success!

Just as a successful footballer visualises scoring a goal - before a match - so too should you start visualising yourself as having happily met someone. Each evening visualise an image of "you in love" - how happy and vibrant does this image look? Hang on to that image and it’ll put a lift in your step and a sparkle in your smile.

The Don’ts:

1/ Don't forget the importance of your body-language!

If you’re skulking around with "shrinking violet" type body-language you put potential dates. There's nothing less attractive than someone who looks anxious, insecure and unsure of themselves. Before you go out and relax and stretch your limbs for a moment or two. Check your posture in the mirror and then go out looking confident.

2/ Don't hog the spotlight!

When you meet someone, you’ll appear far more attractive if you turn the spotlight on them. Keep it simple and ask, say, how they got to your friend’s birthday drinks-party - or wherever it is you bumped into them. Besides, when you turn the spotlight on them you take the spotlight off of your nerves.

3/ Don't let rejection knock your confidence!

Everyone gets knocked back. If we all crumpled into a heap when someone turned us down for a date then the human race would be long gone. If someone doesn't respond to your interest chalk it up to it being the wrong time for them to date or you simply just don't fit the bill for them. It's not personal!

4/ Don't draw attention to any negatives!

When we're not feeling confident we tend to apologise for anything and everything - like not wearing the right outfit, feeling ‘out of place’, even for our ‘nerves’. You can choose to draw attention to your negative feelings or you can draw attention to the positives. You can mention you love discovering new places (like this one where you've met him), that your wine’s delicious, that you just saw a fantastic film, etc. Put yourself in their shoes - which conversation would you rather hear - the negative or positive one when you first meet someone?

5/ Don't wait for them to make the first move!

It's a fallacy that men should always make the first move. In fact dating research shows that women, who signal their interest in subtle ways, encourage a man to make that first move. So we women hold the key to them making the first move! It's simple - if you flash him welcoming smiles, enjoy his jokes, and create a nice pleasurable ‘comfort zone’ around you (a ‘zone’ he feels good in your company) he'll make that move and ask you out.

Finally, dating success will be yours if you believe in the qualities you have to offer a potential date.

A similar article was published in the Express newspaper