Dr Pam Spurr

My Thoughts on Pre-Marital Counselling

My Thoughts on Pre-Marital Counselling 

“There's a very big trend in America for pre-marriage counselling. The shocking divorce statistics of the last 10 years have had one benefit in making couples stop and think about what they're entering into.

What happens there usually arrives here - and I’ve started to see it particularly with women going into a first marriage. Even if their fiance isn't interested they’re often keen to consult me about how best to ensure harmony in their forthcoming marriage.

In my couples-coaching practise I’ve seen men also interested in discussing how to keep their relationship fresh and positive, but they like to do so in a less formal way then full-on "pre-marital counselling"."

What are the benefits to a couple of 'auditing' their relationship as it progresses - for example, discussing any issues as they arise with a therapist, or sharing common goals - rather than waiting for a crisis to seek help?

"It's extremely beneficial for a couple to continually "assess" the state of their relationship. However I don't think this necessarily means consulting a coach, counsellor or therapist. Once they have the skills to communicate well and tackle issues as they arise, they should be able to keep on track themselves. I don't let like people to unnecessarily "therapise" their relationship or their life, i.e., rely on what a coach, counsellor or therapist says rather than working things out themselves.

Through good communication, discussing things like each other's expectations, mutual respect, and enjoying life together (!), couples can protect their relationships. However even with the best intentions every couple faces some sort of crisis and at times they may need someone else to give them an unbiased opinion."