Dr Pam Spurr

Advice for struggling couples:...

Advice for struggling couples:

Focus on what’s important now - the two of you. You may’ve lost sight of putting your relationship first over Christmas but you can change that now. Carve out some quality time together and stick these dates in your diaries today.

Rekindle fonder memories - the freshest memories you have are of a fraught Christmas period. Ask your partner to spend a moment going through your wedding album or photos from a happy holiday to re-establish warm and loving memories. Relationship research shows that couples who regularly use this technique are happier.

Forget blame - it's important that the recriminations and finger-pointing stops now. It's far more constructive for you both to hold your hands up to any less-than-good behaviour over the last few weeks. Saying a genuine “sorry” is one of the most healing steps to take. Even if they don't return the gesture it’s well worth you making it.

A kindness a day keeps divorce away - think today what you can do for your partner rather than getting stuck in always thinking, "what can they do for me?" What small gesture would make their day easier or pleasant? Then do it! Small kindnesses go far to healing difficulties.

Simple pleasures - an affectionate hug, a kiss goodnight and a little flirting can help heal unhappy or angry feelings. Not only does touch help the release of oxytocin, the bonding hormone, but it can build bridges between two unhappy partners.

Symbolism helps - each day take a moment, close your eyes and visualise your relationship as a fragile plant. Just like that beautiful but endangered plant your relationship needs tender care. Research shows that taking a few moments of such reflective thought helps to re-anchor a couple to their goal to improve things.  

A similar article was published in The Times