Dr Pam Spurr

Notes on when to talk about BABIES -

Notes on when to talk about BABIES -

There’s nothing like the topic of little babies to create big waves in a new relationship. Raising the subject in a matter-of-fact way, where neither person freaks out, can be a positive sign of the emotional health of a young relationship, i.e., both realise you’re free to talk about small and big things without necessarily reflecting on your relationship. But raising it with even a mere hint of desperation will set alarm bells ringing. I recommend leaving the big talks for a couple months into a relationship. This takes the pressure off how to raise the issue and often the subject will naturally pop up at some point anyway, e.g., when one of you has to baby sit your niece or nephew and you talk about how much you enjoy children (or not!). Such a natural event forms the basis for an initial conversation that doesn’t send either of you running for cover. There’ll always be exceptions, though, e.g., your relationship has taken off quickly and it seems right to bring up babies or if your biological clock is ticking madly, you’re heading for 40, and you don’t want to date people for a couple months before asking this question. At the end of the day if raising the issue of babies creates alarm in one of you – how you handle that is a good measure of your long term relationship survival!